When it has to do with my life

(A certain kind of sadness)

'You know you didn't have to drive me,' Blaine remarked just as the car passed the sign that informed them, that they were NOW LEAVING LIMA. 'I do own a license.'

'I know that, sport,' Blaine's father replied cheerfully, patting Blaine's leg. 'But I gotta see my kid sometime, don't I? You're always so busy when I'm home.'

'Well, I'm sorry. It's not like I plan it that way, but I can't really put everything on hold just because you're finally home for a while.' Blaine was careful to keep his tone non-accusatory. The last thing he needed was to get into an argument with his father in the middle of a two-hour drive.

'Hey, there's no need to get defensive,' his father said. 'I'm just saying I saw an opportunity and I took it.' He shrugged. 'Besides, your brother will appreciate being picked up at the airport, and two birds with one stone and all that.'

'Mm,' Blaine hummed to show that he had heard, but offered no comment. He looked out of the window at his side, watching the fields and tress pass by in a blur.

'So what's up with you? How's school? Are you settling in alright?'

'It's fine,' Blaine said simply.

'What about classes? Any interesting ones?'

'I don't know. I guess. A few.'

They drove in silence for a while, Blaine's father momentarily out of questions, and Blaine once again turned his head to stare out of the window. He was not being purposely petulant or spiteful, but the relationship he had with his father didn't really lend itself to a lot of soul-baring. Blaine's father would often be away for weeks or months at a time, and the first day or two after he got back, things tended to be a bit tense between the two of them, and oftentimes they never got past the awkwardness before he had to leave again. Right now, as his father, in lieu of any conversation, thrummed his fingers on the steering wheel, every once in a while throwing Blaine a glance, Blaine felt a bit like the man next to him was a stranger.

'I was sorry I couldn't make it home in time for the musical,' he said once the silence seemingly got too much for him. 'I wanted to be there. How was it?'

Blaine shrugged.

'You didn't like it?'

'No, I did. It was just...' Blaine trailed off with a sigh, not sure where to begin trying to explain everything that had been going on – and even less certain that he wanted to. Lying to Kurt. Seeing Sebastian and feeling embarrassed about his own behavior the previous night. Watching all his friends after the opening show bask in the glow of their parents' praises, while not a single family member had come to see him. His Warbler friends were great, and he loved them dearly, but they hardly made up for it.

'It's okay, no one's saying you have to do musical theater, if you don't want to,' his father said, misunderstanding Blaine's hesitation. 'It's a bit girly anyway, isn't it?'

Blaine raised his eyebrows, though to be honest he wasn't altogether surprised by the statement.

'It's not like I was the female lead,' he replied quietly.

'No, I know that,' his father said quickly. 'I just mean, I'd understand if you wanted to do something a bit more...' He trailed off, but Blaine thought he knew what he was getting at. 'Cooper was in a band, you know, when he was your age, and I know he used to love it.'

Blaine stared blankly at his father. 'But I have glee club.'

His father opened his mouth for a moment as though he was about to make an objection, but then thought better of it. 'Yes, of course. It was just a thought, that's all.'

Blaine's father watched him as he reached to turn on the radio in the quiet hope that it would encourage his father to make the rest of the drive in silence. Blaine was used to making the drive to see his therapist in Columbus alone, and having his father there was throwing him off a little bit.

'Looking good there, champ,' his father said, eyeing Blaine's exposed upper arms. 'Boxing still working out for you?'

'Yeah. I go a couple of times a week at least.'

'That's my boy,' his father exclaimed. 'You'll be taking on Mike Tyson himself in no time, I bet.'

Blaine rolled his eyes. 'Dad, it's not like I compete.'

'Well, maybe you should,' his father argued, excited suddenly.

'I doubt I'm good enough for that,' Blaine said. The truth was that he didn't particularly want to involve other people in his sport, because the solitude of the boxing was exactly what drew him. It was kind of like therapy, but not in an anger management kind of way. Rather, when he was poised in front of the punching bag, he was able to block out everyone and everything, and he was alone in the world, all his problems gone. They always came back of course, but somehow after a round with the punching bag, they seemed less important for a while.

'But maybe with the right incentive, you could be,' Blaine's father went on. 'I remember Cooper getting so much better at baseball once he joined a proper team. He wasn't that great at first – though please don't tell him I said that – but by the end he was one of the best, I think.'

'Mm, yeah, well, maybe once I've had top surgery.'

The excitement faded from his father like the air from a balloon. 'You're still set on that, then?'

'Yes?' Blaine replied as though his father had just asked him if the sky was still blue.

'It's just that surgery is a major step,' his father explained. 'Major. There's no going back after that.'

'I wasn't really planning to.'

'Well, obviously you're not planning to, but I'd just hate for you to do something you're going to regret later on.'

'So you're still going to make me wait?' It was more of a statement than a question. Blaine was regretting bringing up the topic at all. 'Because if it's about the money, I'll pay you back, I swear-'

'It's not about the money. It's about not wanting to let my kid undergo major surgery for something that isn't life threatening.' There was a note of finality and an edge of annoyance in his father's voice.

'And when I'm eighteen?'

'Then we can start to talk about it.'

Blaine sighed and leaned back in his seat. He had a hard time seeing what another four months was really going to do except prolong his daily pain needlessly.

A little before ten, Blaine was dropped off for his appointment with Dr. Richards, while his father went to pick up Cooper from the airport, promising to be back by the time Blaine was done.

Blaine liked his therapist. In the beginning he had struggled a lot with the idea of exposing himself to a stranger and putting himself in that vulnerable position. It had taken him a while to come to know that he could trust her and that nothing bad would happen. Eventually he had gotten not only the diagnosis he needed and the go-ahead to start hormone replacement therapy, but he had also come to appreciate the sessions themselves for giving him the chance to air some of his deepest worries and fears – and in some cases to realize what those worries and fears were in the first place. Although not holding back in therapy also meant that he was left pretty emotionally drained by the end of a session, and today – Blaine having had more to talk about than usual – was no exception.

When he walked out of Dr. Richards' office, however, his father and Cooper were sitting in the waiting room, and Blaine couldn't help the grin that spread across his face upon seeing his brother again.

'Coop.'

'Blainey!' Cooper called out and, as he rose to meet Blaine in a warm hug, something in Blaine stilled and calmed. He couldn't really explain what it was about his brother that made him react this way, and sometimes Cooper could be infuriating, but there was something about the energy that Cooper radiated that made Blaine love to be in the same room with him, even when he sometimes hated it. If he had to call the feeling anything, he supposed it would be "safe".

Dr. Richards had stepped out of her office and Cooper, having never meet her before, turned to say hello.

'Hi, I'm Cooper. Blaine's my little brother.'

'Juliette Richards. So...' Dr. Richards seemed to be appraising Cooper. 'This is the famous Cooper. I've heard a lot about you.'

Blaine felt heat creep into his cheeks. He didn't talk about his brother that much, did he? Cooper, however, seemed to take it as a comment on his status as a so-called "celebrity" and proceeded to flirt with the poor woman, leading Blaine to roll his eyes and share an exasperated look with his father.

Yep, Cooper Anderson was back in Ohio.

After Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving was Blaine's favorite holiday. He had always loved it, even before he had really been able to explain why. He liked the concept of giving thanks and being grateful, and while he wasn't actively looking forward to spending the entire weekend with his father's family, he wasn't about to let them ruin it for him. So when his father asked him and Cooper for help with the holiday shopping, which would include ingredients for dinner for fourteen people, Blaine complied with a smile. There was more than enough to do, and by the end of the afternoon they were all exhausted, but still smiling, as they sat in the dining room, making their way through the two large pizzas, that they had brought home with them.

Blaine rolled his eyes fondly as Cooper went on and on about the amazing work he was doing in LA and the idiotic casting directors who rejected him, when his talents were clearly superior to everyone else's. He had just bit into his fourth slice of pizza when his father's phone went off but, figuring that it was probably just his work calling, neither Blaine nor Cooper paid any attention, when he answered it. Instead Cooper turned to Blaine, changing the topic and telling him, 'So... I got the recording of West Side Story that you sent me.'

'And?' Blaine waited with bated breath, watching as Cooper took a bite of his pizza, chewing slowly.

'Pretty impressive production,' he said through a mouthful of pizza, before swallowing and continuing. 'Your foot work was a bit sloppy, though, and Tonight could have been better.'

'I- okay. I guess I'll work on that,' Blaine replied quietly, hating that he could never seem to please his brother, but – in the spirit of Thanksgiving – he supposed he should be grateful that Cooper cared enough to watch, let alone give notes.

Blaine glanced over at his father whose usual smile was gone. 'You cannot be serious,' he hissed into the phone, before catching his sons looking and getting up to continue the conversation in the kitchen.

'So anyway,' Cooper resumed their conversation from before. 'I have a list on my laptop. We can go over it later, if you want.'

'Sure, that'd be great,' Blaine replied. He wasn't honestly particularly looking forward to watching the musical with Cooper pointing out his every single mistake, and he wondered vaguely how long that list was, but he would be damned if he was going to let anything – least of all his own brother – break his holiday spirit.

'I know it's your job! I don't give a damn about your job! Tell them to shove it!' Their father was yelling in the kitchen and his voice carried clearly into the next room, where Blaine and Cooper were sitting. 'This is Thanksgiving and we're your family. You know, I'm so sick of this with you.'

Not even that.

Blaine and Cooper shared a look across the dinner table as they both tried to concentrate on eating, but their father was practically shouting and it was impossible not to catch fragments of his side of the conversation.

'That's not fair. It's not the same thing and you know it. At least I'm here when it matters. I don't ditch my family on the holidays.'

'So I guess Mom's not making it back,' Blaine said, his tone casual as though he was talking about the possibility of rain tonight.

'I'm sorry,' Cooper said quietly. 'I know how much Thanksgiving means to you.'

Blaine shrugged, letting the disappointment wash over and out of him. 'It's alright. We'll make it work.' He offered a wry smile. 'At least this way we won't have to watch her and grandma fight.'

Guests started to arrive early on Thursday, and it went about as smoothly as Blaine could have hoped for. First to arrive were Blaine's grandmother, oldest uncle, Peter, and his wife. Blaine's grandmother spent a long moment regarding him, before finally giving a dissatisfied 'Hm,' and Blaine thought he saw Peter send his youngest brother a critical look.

Next came the middle brother, Andrew, with his second wife and their teenage son. Stephen was, to Blaine's recollection, a good three or four years younger than him, and already a good inch taller than Blaine. He looked Blaine up and down, not bothering to hide his curiosity, but Blaine stubbornly stood his ground, refusing to shrink back or appear embarrassed. Eventually the boy's mother had to reprimand him, hissing at him, 'Stephen, what did I tell you? It's rude to stare.'

Last to arrive were Blaine's grown cousin, Lucy, with her husband and two young daughters. The girls, who were nine and eleven respectively, looked confusedly around the room between the younger members of the group, and Blaine had the sudden thought that they had expected one of them to be a girl, and now they couldn't work out what was what.

This really wasn't that bad though, Blaine thought. Sure, Stephen was even more obnoxious as a teenager than he had been as a child, and his grandmother was being who she had always been, but no one had used the wrong name or pronouns on him. Of course, they hadn't used the right ones either. Blaine suspected they were trying not to gender him at all and, whether they were doing it for him or themselves, that at least was something. In fact if this was as bad as things were going to get, Blaine thought he could handle it just fine. Kurt was probably right: It was Thanksgiving and no one wanted to rock the boat. They would all just have to get through this weekend, and then continue on with their lives as they had separately.

Later that night Blaine would chastise himself for ever being so foolishly optimistic.

The first real warning sign came when Blaine was invited and expected to help out with cooking the big Thanksgiving dinner. It wasn't that he had a problem with cooking or that he prescribed to the silly stereotype that the kitchen was a woman's domain – his father was a better cook than his mother, although admittedly that wasn't saying much – but every other person in the kitchen was a female and it was clear that he was here because they all still viewed him as such. However, Blaine didn't think that getting pissy with his family on Thanksgiving was going to solve anything, and probably the best thing he could do to win them over was to be the polite, well-mannered boy that his parents had raised him to be.

So he stayed, helping out to the best of his abilities and listening to the four women's chatter about family and politics (Blaine had to bite his tongue several times at some of the opinions that were spewed, many of them of the I'm not racist, but... variety). For the first hour or so nothing much happened, except for Blaine's grandmother complaining loudly that the kitchen was so small, she didn't understand how they ever got anything done in here. Blaine tried to keep his scowling to a minimum. Admittedly they didn't actually get a lot done here, but that had more to do with his mother's aversion to cooking than the size of the kitchen. Blaine didn't know what his grandmother was complaining for, anyway. She had been the one to insist on coming here.

Eventually the women seemed to run out of things to talk about amongst themselves, and they turned to Blaine, questioning him about his school and social life and what his hobbies were. His two aunts spoke to him in an oddly accusatory tone, that made Blaine feel like a criminal on trial, while his cousin Lucy spoke to him in the same kind of gentle and vaguely patronizing voice that one might use on a mental patient. Blaine thought maybe he preferred his grandmother's approach of not speaking to him at all.

'What about dating?' Lucy asked in that annoying sweet voice at the same time as her youngest daughter came running into the kitchen demanding a glass of water. 'Are you seeing anyone? Paige, don't run inside.'

'Yes, I have a boyfriend,' Blaine told her. 'Kurt. He's amazing.'

'Ooh, boyfriend!' the nine-year-old exclaimed, forgetting about her quest for water. 'I wanna see! I wanna see! Do you have a picture?'

Blaine had to laugh at the little girl's excitement. 'Sure. Let me find one.' Blaine pulled out his phone and began scrolling through his gallery in search of a suitable photo of Kurt. Paige was practically hanging off his arm and bouncing up and down.

'Let me see, let me see, let me seeee.'

'Paige, behave,' Lucy called sternly over her shoulder from the stove. 'Give poor Amber a chance. She's doing what you asked.'

Blaine froze in his search. He had expected this to happen at some point, but it did not make it sting any less. Except for Kurt asking about the baby photo the other week, it had been years since Blaine had heard anyone refer to his birth name or call him "she". It felt kind of like a slap to the face, but he kept calm as he turned towards his cousin.

'Actually, it's Blaine now,' he informed her with as much politeness and patience as he could muster. 'And I'd prefer it if you didn't refer to me as "she".'

From the adults this statement garnered no response whatsoever. None of them even looked up at him. Paige, however, cocked her head at him, and she seemed to be working something out in her head. She pulled at Blaine's arm and peeked at the photo that was showing on his phone, which was of Blaine and Kurt in their Dalton days, the first one they had taken together as boyfriends. Comprehension dawned on Paige's face.

'You're gay.' Her words seemed to surprise her a little, but there was no malice or prejudice in her voice at all. Blaine nodded, and she grinned in response. 'Cool.' Blaine smiled fondly after Paige as she skipped off. There was hope for this family yet.

'Amber, dear,' Linda, who was Lucy's mother, called. 'Come help me out for a minute.'

Blaine kind of wanted to shout at her Do I LOOK like an Amber? but instead he walked calmly over to join her by the stove, repeating in a quiet but firm voice, 'Please, my name is Blaine. It has been for over three years.'

'Here, stir this,' Linda instructed him, pretending not to hear him.

If cooking dinner had been unpleasant, sitting down to eat it was absolute hell.

It started out with the normal holiday chatter of catching up with each other's families – whose daughters were getting married, whose sons had received a promotion recently, which couples were having kids, and where were they all spending Thanksgiving – and it went on long enough that Blaine was lulled into a false sense of security. For a while he even managed to enjoy it all, choosing to let himself be entertained by, rather than annoyed with, his family's hopelessly outdated values and the way his father seemed to absorb them as his own in their presence.

Around the time when everyone was tucking into their second helpings, however, his grandmother, who was sitting at the head of the table, put down her knife and fork with a loud clatter and announced in a clear voice, 'I'm sorry, but I just can't keep ignoring this.'

'What, Mother?' his father inquired from the other end of the table, sounding politely puzzled.

'That, John!' She gestured wildly at Blaine, who froze in the middle of cutting up a piece of turkey. Next to him, Cooper's movements tensed.

'Mother, this is not the time-'

'How could you let her do this, John? I thought pulling her out of that Dalton school meant you had put a stop to it. I don't know how you afforded it for so long, anyway.'

Blaine became aware that the room had got very quiet. Everyone had abandoned their previous conversation, and all were all staring at either his grandmother or father, if not at Blaine himself.

'Look, can we not do this right now?' his father insisted.

'Listen, John,' Peter, the oldest of the three brothers, started then. 'I'm all for gay rights and all that, but you have to admit this is pretty weird.' He glanced at Blaine, who was too shell-shocked that this was happening to do anything other than stare back at him. In the way his uncle watched him, there was no acknowledgment that he was looking at a fellow human being. Blaine might as well have been an image on a television screen.

'I have to agree with Dad,' Lucy said and turned to Blaine. 'No one is blaming you, sweetheart. It's not your fault that your parents didn't know how to help you.'

'We did help him,' his father said. 'I told you all this years ago. He's transgender.'

'Mommy, it's true,' Paige spoke up in barely more than a whisper but, in the silence that had fallen over the table, it was loud enough for everyone to hear. 'Amber's a boy. Sh- He told me. It's Blaine now, and he's gay.'

Lucy shushed her daughter. 'Paige, honey, this is grown-up stuff, okay? Eat your dinner.'

The girl sank back in her chair with a frustrated frown on her face, and Blaine wanted to send her a smile or a wink or something, but he couldn't seem to get even simple motor skills to function, so he sat still frozen in his chair.

'She's sick, John,' Blaine's grandmother implored. 'She thinks she's a boy, for Christ's sake. You don't treat something like that by letting her live out the fantasy. If I told you I'm the king of France, you wouldn't indulge me, and start calling me your majesty, would you?'

It was Cooper's turn to join in. 'Really, grandma, it's not the same thing at all. He has a diagnosis and it's not "crazy". We didn't pull any of this out of our asses.'

'Be quiet, Cooper,' she sneered at him. 'You're hardly equipped to talk about this. I think we all know what kind of people end up in your particular profession, don't we?' She looked around the table for confirmation that yes, actors were in fact stupid. 'Did you even finish college?'

Cooper opened and closed his mouth at her, too exasperated for words, as she turned back to their father.

'This is what happens when you marry a liberal,' she said. 'I told you that Grace was bad news. And where is Grace, by the way? Couldn't be bothered to show up, could she? I guess her kind don't care about family.'

Blaine stared down at his plate. A loud ringing had started in his ears, and he tried to concentrate on that, rather than the words of the people around him, but it was impossible to drown out. The comments kept coming, everyone joining in now, and Blaine was hardly aware of who was saying what anymore.

'I don't care what any doctor says, there's no such thing as "transgender". There's just very sick and confused people and the people who choose to indulge them.'

'I think it might be some kind of internalized misogyny.'

'She doesn't even act that masculine.'

'She admitted to having a boyfriend.'

'She will always be a girl, no matter how much she thinks she isn't. No amount of hormones can change that.'

'God made her a girl and trying to change that is an insult to Him.'

'You're making her a freakshow.'

'Guys, please.' Blaine made out Cooper's voice through the myriad of voices. His father seemed to have gone completely quiet, except for the odd vague protest. 'Not now. Blaine is sitting right here. He can hear everything you're saying.'

No one paid any mind, however, and the next thing Blaine knew, he felt a hand tugging at him, and Cooper's voice in his ear, 'Come on.' No one seemed to notice when Blaine followed Cooper into the kitchen, all too involved in handing out opinions and offering possible cures. Blaine caught a glimpse of his father, who looked completely overwhelmed and lost.

In the kitchen Blaine leaned heavily against the counter, trying to get his breathing to return to normal. He accepted the glass of water Cooper offered him, swallowing it down with difficulty, his throat too constricted to work normally. Cooper stood a few feet away, watching him with a sad expression. He didn't seem to know what to say.

'I was going to come out to Kurt on Monday,' Blaine said in a hollow voice. 'What if-' He shook his head, forcing himself to end the train of thought there. Kurt wasn't like that. Whatever he was ultimately going to do or say, he was still Kurt. He wasn't like those people in there.

'I'm sorry I wasn't more help in there.' Cooper's voice was full of regret.

'It's okay,' Blaine said. He understood. There was an unspoken understanding in the Anderson family that you didn't cross grandmother Angela, and she could get downright vicious if you tried. Blaine suspected she had struck a nerve when she had all but called Cooper stupid, and he at least had tried.

'Why didn't you speak up for yourself?' Cooper wondered.

Blaine crossed his arms over his chest, and responded a little defiantly. 'Because what good was it gonna do? And because I shouldn't have to.' He paused for a moment and let his arms hang slack against his sides again, adding in a thin voice, 'Because I wanted Dad to.'

Blaine let a small sob escape his throat, and Cooper crossed the space between them and drew Blaine into an embrace, allowing him to stifle his frustrated cries against his brother's chest.

Cooper knew he could be self-absorbed at times. Enough people had pointed it out to him by now that he took it as fact. He had a tendency to talk about himself and his accomplishments a lot, and some people – usually jealous coworkers who hadn't had a their break, or people stuck in boring jobs, like accounting (shudder) – had accused him of having a bloated ego. Cooper, meanwhile, thought his ego was exactly the size it needed to be given his particular talents and success, and if he was a little self-absorbed, could anyone really blame him?

People could call him self-absorbed all they wanted but, damn it, he wasn't selfish, and he was a good brother.

Cooper and Blaine didn't rejoin the rest of the family in the dining room, nor did they show up in the living room when it was time for the afternoon game. Instead they spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in Blaine's room, where they would both be sleeping tonight, since every other room was occupied by guests. Cooper only went downstairs once to fix a couple of sandwiches and grab two desserts for them. While he worked on the sandwiches, his father entered the kitchen, coming to a halt in the doorway when he saw his son. Through the open door Cooper could hear laughter and talking and the clinking of glass.

'Is he okay?' his father asked quietly, brow creased in worry.

'Not really,' Cooper replied coolly as he finished the sandwiches and set them on a tray. 'Why don't you ask your dear mom for help? I'm sure she knows the number of a doctor that could make him all better.'

Cooper didn't give his father a chance to respond before leaving the kitchen, clutching the stocked tray rather more tightly than necessary.

They spent the time watching old movies on Blaine's laptop, playing made-up card games, and Cooper insisted that they also finish their work on West Side Story that they had started the previous night. Even though he got Blaine smiling again soon enough, there was a lingering sadness around him all night, and he went to bed early. As Cooper watched his features finally relax into peaceful sleep, he felt bad for having made his brother spend Thanksgiving cooped up in his room, but neither of them had particularly wanted to go back downstairs either. Cooper felt unspeakably angry that apparently this was the Thanksgiving weekend Blaine had to look forward to, if he didn't want to be called sick and a freak by people who were supposed to care for him.

Cooper had always been a protective older brother. He supposed it had started way back when his mother had been pregnant, with how his nine-year-old self would sometimes reprimand her for working too hard and not taking good enough care of herself. However, it was the moment when he first held his newborn sister in his arms, and looking into her tiny eyes, that Cooper knew there was nothing he wouldn't do for her.

When 'Amber' became 'Blaine' and 'sister' became 'brother' that didn't change. On the contrary, in a strange way Cooper felt an increased sense of responsibility towards his brother that he hadn't felt towards his sister. Not that they weren't ultimately the same person, of course, or that Blaine needed "rescuing" of any sort. In fact Cooper was sure that the reason Blaine was still standing today had little to with Cooper and everything to do with the fact that Blaine was a damned strong kid. His relationship to Blaine had become less throw-myself-under-a-bus and beat-up-anyone-that-so-much-as-looks-at-you-wrong, and more about the quieter moments. Things that Cooper did without blinking, but that he, in the back of his mind, was aware meant so much more to Blaine than most people could ever understand. It was in switching the name and pronouns and never messing up. It was in helping Blaine look at binders and packers online. It was in giving advice whenever he could. It was in casually referring to Blaine as his brother. It was in making Blaine feel like it was okay to not bind his chest when he was around Cooper. It was in offering a supportive hug at the right time.

And – if he needed to – it was in giving their father a piece of his mind, because Blaine never would.

Cooper stood outside the door to the study and took a few deep breaths, going back over what he was going to say, before he knocked on the door three times. He waited a few seconds until he heard his father's voice inviting him in before entering and closing the door behind him. His father was in the process of making up the couch in here (his grandmother having insisted on taking the master bedroom), and he looked up at Cooper with a mixture of guilt and relief.

'Cooper, I-'

'You need to choose,' Cooper told him flatly.

'What?'

'It's them or us. Either you tell them to stuff it and go home tomorrow, or I'm taking Blaine away for the weekend.'

'Don't you think that's a bit extreme, son?' his father said reasonably, clearly trying to regain control and be the parent.

Cooper looked his father straight in the eye and kept his voice even as he responded. 'Are you really asking me that right now? After what happened at dinner?'

'They don't know what they're saying,' his father said with the air of a man who has grasping at straws and knew it. 'You know what my family is like. We always knew they didn't approve.'

'Then perhaps you shouldn't have invited them here,' Cooper replied simply. He turned to leave, having said his piece.

'It's not that easy. I can't just- They're family.'

Cooper turned slowly back around and regarded the man before him for a long moment. They were the same height, but somehow his father appeared so much smaller than him tonight.

'We're your family. Blaine and me and Mom. Not these people.' Cooper paused. 'Did you know that he's been worrying about how to tell his boyfriend the truth? All this,' Cooper made a vague gesture with his hand. 'Isn't helping. Like I said; them or us.'

His father made a series of flustered noises, none quite making it into words. He was clearly caught between two opposing instincts, trying to decide who to favor. His children? Or the mother and the family to which he had always been always such a bitter disappointment? Cooper didn't think it should have been that difficult of a question. He shook his head and made a noise of disbelief.

'Great. Call us when you make up your mind.'

Blaine was shaken awake early the next morning. He blinked confusedly against the light from the night lamp, which was the only source of light in the room as it was still dark outside, as far as Blaine could tell.

'Coop?' he groaned groggily. 'What time is it?'

'Five thirty,' Cooper said, sounding like he had been up for hours. 'Come on, get up. You can sleep in the car if you want, but I want to get going now, so we don't cause a scene.'

Blaine sat up quickly, watching as Cooper made quick work of packing a bag of Blaine's things. 'What are you talking about? We're leaving? Where?'

'Wherever.' Cooper shrugged and threw clean clothes at Blaine. 'Come on, get dressed. Chop chop. I'm officially kidnapping you.'

'Coop,' Blaine said seriously, which seemed to do the trick of calming Cooper's somewhat manic behavior and their eyes met. 'Thank you.'

The car (their father's because, as Cooper said, fuck him) ended up taking them two hours away to Columbus, which wasn't terribly exotic perhaps, but Blaine appreciated the gesture more than he could express. Besides, Cooper was right. Right now anywhere was better than home. And as trips went, it wasn't actually a bad one. Since moving to Lima shortly after his fifteenth birthday, Blaine had visited his home town regularly, since it was where his therapist and endocrinologist were, but he never actually went there and stayed for longer than his appointments required. Despite some of the things he had gone through here, it was still his home town and seeing the place again, really seeing it, visiting all their old haunts, parks and coffee houses, was not altogether unwelcome.

And Cooper, in his efforts to turn this Thanksgiving around, seemed determined to show Blaine a good time. He checked them into a five-star hotel (apparently those commercials paid a lot better than Blaine had suspected) and the first thing he did was call room service and order two large breakfasts, which had arrived by the time Blaine had finished his morning shower. When they were done eating, Blaine wanted to laze around the hotel room for a bit, but Cooper insisted that they hadn't left one room just to stay cooped up in another, so out in town they went. There were museums to visit, movies to watch and concerts to go to. It was the best kind of exhausting, and on the first night Cooper took Blaine out for a dinner that was everything the Thanksgiving meal the day before had been and more.

On Saturday they took a bit of a different approach and lounged around town, window shopping and taking turns approaching the managers of all the cafes and coffeehouses that had a piano and asking if they could play a few songs. At first they made it a sport to see who could earn the most tips, but when it was clear that Blaine was winning, Cooper suggested that they play together from now on, which made Blaine tease him mercilessly for the rest of the day, calling him a sore loser.

'Best Thanksgiving ever,' Blaine grinned as they got back to their hotel room on Saturday night. 'Thanks for doing this.'

'No problem, Squirt. I've had fun as well.' Blaine grimaced at the nickname. 'Hey, if you get to call me a sore loser all day, I get to call you Squirt. It's only fair. And for the record, I totally let you win.'

Blaine snickered, moving to throw himself on the bed. 'You so didn't. I could see you getting desperate by the third round.'

'Hey, I'm not an actor for nothing, you know,' Cooper pointed out, following suit and claiming the other bed. They were both quiet for a few minutes as an entire day of running around town finally caught up with them and exhaustion hit.

'Coop?'

'Hm?'

'Remember when I came out to you? You didn't even blink. You were just like "Cool, so what's your name? Next topic." I was so nervous before telling you, but I think we spent all of five minutes on it, before you started talking about my performance in the school talent show.'

'Well, it was flawed,' Cooper responded casually. 'I thought you could use a few pointers.'

'Yes, well, my point is that it wasn't a big deal to you. I guess I'm just sort of wondering why that was.'

'Why? Did you want it to be a big deal?'

'No, and that's my point. I want it to not matter, but it does anyway and-' Blaine's phone rang, cutting him off. 'That's sort of where I was going,' Blaine explained, showing the photo and the name on the display to Cooper, who nodded in understanding, before accepting the call and lying back comfortably on the bed. 'Hey, Kurt.'

'Hey, yourself,' Kurt greeted in return. 'So we just got back to Lima, and I was wondering if maybe I could come over or something? I miss you.'

'Admit it,' Blaine teased. 'You just wanna come over so you can meet my brother before he goes back home tomorrow.'

'What, no. Not at all. Where would you get that idea? That's silly.' Kurt said his voice shrill, before admitting in a small voice, 'Okay, maybe a little bit? But I do actually miss you.'

'It's okay, I get it.' Blaine grinned and turned his head to wink at his brother, but Cooper was too deep in thought to respond to the gesture. 'But we're actually kind of in Columbus right now.'

'You're what? What on earth are you doing in Columbus?'

Blaine sighed. 'It's kind of a long story. I'll tell you all about, I promise, but...' Blaine trailed off, looking questioningly at Cooper who was now holding out his hand, gesturing for Blaine to give him the phone, his eyes alight with inspiration. 'But first you get to talk to Cooper on the phone.'

Blaine handed Cooper the phone, mouthing to him What are you doing? but Cooper just mouthed back, Trust me.

'Hey! Kurt! This is Cooper Anderson.' Kurt was speaking on the other end, clearly excited, his voice having risen to dangerous heights, and Blaine found it so adorable that it didn't occur to him to resent Cooper (and after the weekend Cooper had given him, Blaine couldn't really begrudge his brother the ego stroke that he knew Kurt's excitement was bound to be). 'I heard a rumor that you wanted to meet me, and since I've decided to extend my stay in Lima, why don't you come over on Monday and we'll hang out, all three of us.'

Blaine couldn't hear Kurt's reply, but it was clear from his tone that the answer was yes. When the call had ended, Blaine raised his eyebrows at Cooper. 'You've decided to extend your stay in Lima?'

'Sure,' Cooper shrugged. 'Commercial's on hiatus, so I've got time. And I wanna help with your boyfriend problem. I figure if I meet him and get a feel for him, I'll know better how to handle it.'

'What do you mean "handle it"?' Blaine asked cautiously, sitting up properly and looking at Cooper. 'I was just going to, you know, tell him.'

'Okay. How?'

'What do you mean "how"?' Blaine frowned and watched as Cooper, too, sat up and moved to face Blaine, a serious look on his face.

'I mean how. Set the scene for me.'

'It's not a performance, Coop.'

'It kind of is, though,' Cooper argued.

Blaine hesitated. He thought that sounded like almost the exact opposite of what he should be aiming for. 'I don't know, Coop. I was going to just tell him on Monday. I don't wanna drag it out any more.'

'Trust me, Blaine. I know what I'm talking about. You'll thank me later.' Blaine gave a soft sigh of exasperation. 'I want to help, okay? You can wait one more day, can't you?'

To Blaine's surprise, Cooper showed up at glee rehearsal on Monday afternoon. When Blaine arrived with Kurt, his brother was already there, deep in conversation with Will Schuester.

'Omigod,' Kurt squealed the moment he saw Cooper. 'You didn't tell me he was coming here.'

'I didn't know,' Blaine replied honestly, though he thought he should have known that Cooper was planning something more than meeting Blaine's boyfriend, when he decided to stick around in Lima.

'Blainey!' Cooper called, motioning them over. 'Look who I ran into.' He indicated Mr. Schue. 'Your director here tells me you're in dire need of professional help with prepping for Sectionals.'

'Well, "dire" is probably a bit extreme, but-' Mr. Schue mumbled awkwardly.

'Never be afraid to ask for help!' Cooper patted the older man on the shoulder, before turning again to Blaine and Kurt. 'So I've decided to offer you all my services for the next two weeks until the competition. See if we can't whip you into shape.' Cooper looked so excited to be here, it was hard to tell if he was doing it more for them or himself.

'Wow, that's- that's great.' Honestly Blaine didn't know whether to find the prospect more exciting or terrifying. Cooper had always been involved in Blaine's performance life to some extent or another, and it always worked out alright, but Blaine wasn't sure that involving him so directly was the best idea. Mixing family and work seemed like a recipe for disaster, and Blaine loved his brother. He would rather that it stayed that way. The rest of New Directions, though, were firmly in the "excited" camp – Blaine didn't think he had ever seen Kurt so worked up about anything – so he decided to not be a buzzkill and let it be, welcoming Cooper to the group with a smile.

And Blaine had to admit that having Cooper around actually worked wonders for the glee club. One by one or two by two he brought people to the floor to perform for him so he could 'assess their strengths and weaknesses', and Blaine didn't know whether it was because everyone was so intent on impressing Cooper or whether it was the sheer energy that he gave off, but everyone was at the top of their games today. Blaine didn't get to perform ('I already know what your weaknesses are.') but by the end of the lesson he felt more included than ever before as every single person called out a 'Bye, Blaine' or 'See ya, Blaine' before leaving. Who knew that all it took was bringing your semi-famous brother to school?

When the three of them made it back to the Anderson house, Cooper went to the kitchen to take care of snacks, while Blaine and Kurt went upstairs to drop off their things.

'Your brother is amazing,' Kurt exclaimed emphatically the moment they stepped into the room, and he knew they were well out of earshot.

'Mm-hm, and you have a crush,' Blaine teased.

'Don't be jealous,' Kurt said. 'You're still my number-one guy.' He poked the tip of Blaine's nose playfully as though to indicate that he really did mean him.

'Mm, I'd better be,' Blaine said, pulling Kurt in for a kiss.

'Besides,' Kurt noted, breaking the kiss and his mouth quivering in a barely contained smile. 'He's way too old for me.'

'You are terrible.' Blaine laughed and stared towards the door, pulling Kurt with him. 'Come on, your man awaits.'

'Do you think it's too much if I ask for an autograph?' Kurt whispered hopefully as they made their way back downstairs. Blaine chuckled.

'If I know Cooper right, you'll ask for one and he'll get you ten.'

When they entered the living room, Cooper was fiddling with the DVD player. 'I thought we'd start with a movie!' he said, an excited glint in his eyes. Blaine's mind reeled with the different movies Cooper could possibly have chosen for this occasion, and when Kurt went to the kitchen to collect beverages, Blaine rounded on his brother.

'Tell me you didn't. I mean, not-' Blaine mouthed the next three words. 'Boys Don't Cry? Because while I realize it's a conversation starter, I don't think I can-'

'Dude, relax. I'm not stupid.' Cooper put a calming hand on Blaine's shoulder. 'It's just a random movie. You know, to break the tension. Trust me, I've got it all worked out.'

It was true. The movie was a typical romantic comedy with nothing remarkable about it at all. It wasn't a bad movie, Blaine supposed, but Kurt, for one, was a lot more interested in cuddling and kept getting distracted from the plot of the movie, seemingly trying to figure out the exact shape and feel of Blaine's lips against his. This wasn't far outside their usual movie-watching behavior, but they also usually watched movies in private, and Blaine couldn't help feeling embarrassed that he was cuddling and making out with his boyfriend in front of his brother. Cooper didn't seem to mind though. In fact he kept catching Blaine's eye and smirking at him, and Blaine had a feeling he was in for a brutal round of brotherly teasing later on.

'I don't know which was more exciting,' Cooper said as the movie ended and the credits began to roll. 'You guys or the movie.'

Blaine chuckled. 'Wow, that sounds vaguely creepy. Well done.'

'Well, most of Lima isn't exactly big on gay PDA,' Kurt explained to Cooper. 'So we have to make the most of it when we're in private.' He put a hand on Blaine's knee, smiling at him. He turned back to Cooper, suddenly a bit flustered. 'I hope we didn't make you uncomfortable though. I mean, Blaine told me you were cool with everything, but I guess that's not the same as-'

Cooper held up a hand to stop him. 'Kurt relax, man. Do I seem bothered? I've been to plenty of pride events, even joined the parade once and I may or may not have had an unforgettable experience with a drag queen from Canada.' Blaine grimaced. There was an image he didn't particularly need stuck in his head. 'Trust me, gay is okay in my book.'

'What's it like? The pride thing, I mean,' Kurt hastened to add.

'Oh, you've never been? It's so much fun. It's the most diverse group of people you can imagine coming together in one place and celebrating, just, you know, freedom. You get gay people, straight people, bisexuals, pansexuals, asexuals. Butches, femmes, drag queens, transmen, transwomen, genderqueers...'

Blaine let out a long breath, which he had held, waiting for the moment the wordtransmen passed Cooper's lips. In hindsight he didn't really know what he had been expecting Kurt to say to such an offhand remark. Now that you mention it, I love transmen and I'd be totally fine with dating one seemed a bit farfetched, and of course what Kurt did say was nothing.

'So your brother's very enthusiastic about the LGBT community,' Kurt remarked an hour later, when it was time for him to go home and they were back upstairs collecting Kurt's things. 'You'd think he was the gay one.'

Blaine laughed, handing Kurt his messenger bag.

'So do you think I passed?' Kurt asked and Blaine frowned in question. 'I'm not stupid. I know today was just as much about him meeting me as it was about me meeting him. He was being all Mr. Protective Brother checking out the boyfriend.'

'I think you passed. As if you'd ever fail at anything.' Blaine smiled, giving Kurt a brief goodbye kiss, before sending him out the door with the usual plea for him to call before bed.

The moment Kurt had left, Cooper was in Blaine's doorway. 'So I think that went well,' he said confidently.

'Yeah,' Blaine agreed. 'Although you could have been a bit more subtle than So what do you think of Chaz Bono?'

'I was getting desperate, okay?' Cooper said defensively. 'He wasn't talking, and I wanted at least something on the issue.'

'So what's the ruling then? Any advice?'

'I think he's a keeper.' Cooper nodded. 'But why don't we discuss it over dinner? I'm starving.'

'Sure. Just let me change into something more comfortable. I'm choking in this thing. Be right down.'

'Yep yep.' Cooper turned to leave but stopped on the doorway, lips quirking into a teasing smirk. 'Oh, and Blaine? You two? So adorable.' He made little kissy sounds, ducking out of the room quickly before Blaine could throw a pillow at him.

Blaine snorted to himself as he stood in front of the mirror, making quick work of removing his bow tie, vest and shirt until the binder, that he so loved and hated at the same time, was the only thing left. He tore it off unceremoniously, reveling in the feeling of breathing again. He regarded the binder in his hand for a moment, amazed that one could have so many strong and conflicting feelings about a piece of fabric. He lifted his gaze and watched himself in the mirror, longing for the day when surgery became more than just a distant possibility.

It happened in the space of ten seconds, maybe less, maybe more. Time seemed to at once have slowed down and sped up, as something behind him in the mirror caught Blaine's eye, and he wheeled around to discover Kurt's phone lying on his bed. It must have slipped out of his bag earlier without either of them noticing. At the same time as he was seeing this, he became aware of the sound of someone thundering up the stairs and he knew it was happening seconds before it did, but he just stood frozen in the middle of his bedroom, shirtless and facing the open door, too panicked to even think of covering himself.

'Sorry.' Kurt was breathless as he entered the room. 'I just forgot my ph-' He stopped short when his eyes fell on Blaine and his unmistakably female-looking chest. Kurt's mouth fell open and for a long moment he simply stood there, staring and completely lost for words.

Blaine wasn't sure how long they stood there, but he became the first one to act as he finally thought to use the binder that was still in his hand to cover himself as well as he could. His voice was panicked and pleading as he spoke. 'Kurt. Oh god, I'm so sorry. I swear, I was going to tell you. I didn't want you to find out like this.'

Blaine started towards his boyfriend, but Kurt recoiled, backing away from him into the wall, and Blaine's heart broke at the look Kurt sent him.

'You- I never- How could you- Eight months, Blaine.'

'I know, I'm sorry,' Blaine repeated, voice breaking. 'I was going to tell you, I swear I was. I was literally going to do it tomorrow.'

It was Blaine's turn to recoil as Kurt practically yelled, 'Tomorrow? What's tomorrow? You should have told me months ago.'

'I'm sorry. Kurt, I'm so sorry,' Blaine pleaded as Kurt tore his eyes away and picked up his phone from the bed. Blaine didn't even recognize the look on Kurt's face as he turned and moved towards the door. 'Wait. Please, Kurt, we can talk about this.'

'I can't. I just- I can't,' was all Kurt could say and, without even looking back, he ran out, leaving Blaine standing broken and exposed in the middle of the room.