Part four

December

The punching bag turns out to be a wonderful relief for Blaine's frustrations. No matter how hard or long he punches at it, it stays in place, heavy and unyielding. At first Blaine is a little scared of the intense anger, that has apparently been building inside him, and the aggressive manner in which he's letting it out. However, Blaine knows in his heart that he would never hit another person, nor does he even want to take up boxing for real and box against a actual opponent. He likes the solitude of what he's doing now. The bag is inanimate. It doesn't sneer or talk back or poke fun.

'Hey, sweetheart! Put some effort into it now!'

Of course Blaine isn't always alone in the school gym when he's pounding away in the bag, and other students aren't as quiet as the bag, but Blaine pointedly ignores them.

'Anyone ever tell you you punch like a girl?' a big guy – from the football team, Blaine thinks – says when he comes over to the lockers and starts gathering his things for the shower. 'Oh, that's right. You are a girl.' He grins, and around him the other boys don't bother to hide their laughter either. 'My mistake.'

'What' - Blaine slams his locker shut – 'is your problem? Are you really that insecure about your own masculinity, or sexuality or whatever, that the gay transboy freshman makes you feel threatened?'

The boy takes a step closer to Blaine, while the other boys make a collective low 'ooh' sound. 'You talking back now?'

Blaine, too angry to feel the least bit intimidated, looks directly into the much taller boy's eyes when he responds. 'Yes. I am. I'm sick of your bullshit.' He turns to the rest of the boys. 'And that goes for you too. You're all pathetic.'

And with those words Blaine strides off towards the private shower that he has special permission to use, and he slams the door hard behind him.

'You are kidding me,' Blaine says with an incredulous laugh. It's the following day at lunch, his bullies are forgotten for the moment, and Blaine is much more concerned with the admission a sheepish looking Tyler just made. 'How have you not read Harry Potter?'

Tyler shrugs. 'I'm not a big reader, I guess?'

'No, I know, but... Harry Potter, Ty. You have to read it. Or at least watch the movies.'

'I saw the first one,' Tyler says, leading the way past a group of students towards his and Blaine's usual table. 'I was bored.'

Blaine makes an indignant face, but before he can utter his teasing threat to end the friendship, he trips over someone's foot and then he's flying forward. For some reason his hands refuse to let go of the food tray, which means that he has no free hands. At the loud clanging and banging as Blaine crashes face first onto the floor, everyone in the cafeteria hushes, and Blaine knows that everyone must be looking at him.

'Blaine!' Tyler is by his side immediately. 'Shit, are you okay?'

'I'm fine,' Blaine says, waving his friend's helping hands away and scrambling to get up by himself. His food is spilled all over the floor, and he hears scattered giggling all around him.

'You're bleeding,' Tyler says quietly, indicating Blaine's lip. Blaine raises his hand to confirm, and as he does so, he catches the eye of one of the guys from yesterday in the gym. A slight smirk is playing on his lips as he arches his eyebrows pointedly.

Blaine's jaw tightens and without another word to anyone, he turns on his heel and walks with long sure steps out of the cafeteria, ignoring the mess on the floor and Tyler's calls after him. He doesn't stop until he's standing in front of the door to the principal's office, to which he gives three determined knocks before the secretary can even register that he's there, let alone try to stop him.

When Blaine enters, the principal looks up from her desk, looking both surprised and concerned – and maybe a little annoyed – at the sudden interruption. She probably doesn't see this every day, Blaine muses – a student bursting into her office uninvited, wild-eyed and sporting a bleeding lip.

'M- Mr. Anderson. What...?'

'I'm being bullied,' Blaine says, deciding to cut to the chase. 'Did you know?'

'Well, I-' The woman seems unsure what to say, and this confirms to Blaine that yes, she did know. However, it only takes her a moment to compose herself, and then she gestures to the chair across from her. 'Why don't you sit down?'

'What did she say?'

Tyler is there waiting for Blaine when he leaves the principal's office some time later.

'Don't you have class?' Blaine mutters, moving past his friend and starting down the hall.

'Screw class,' Tyler says emphatically, catching up with Blaine. 'What happened? Is she gonna do something?'

'No,' Blaine says simply. 'Now leave me alone. I have a class to get to.'

'Oh, no, you don't,' Tyler says, stopping Blaine in his tracks with a hand around his upper arm. 'You have an appointment with the school nurse, is what you have.'

Blaine rolls his eyes, suppressing a slight smile. 'You can't make appointments for the school nurse, Ty.'

'Well, I made one for you anyway. Because I'm that awesome. Now, come on.'

Blaine snorts, but lets Tyler turn him around and lead him towards the nurse's office. Once there, the nurse tuts and gives him a stern look, but there's fondness behind it, Blaine knows.

'Young man, have you been fighting?'

Blaine can't help but grin a little sheepishly. In a sea of cold and indifferent faculty members, Nurse Johnson is one of the few who seem to genuinely care about his well-being.

'I have, but not like you're thinking,' Blaine says as he follows the nurse's directions to sit.

'Oh?' she calls over her shoulder from her station, where she's collecting supplies. She smiles at him when she returns. 'Consider my curiosity piqued.'

'He went to the principal,' Tyler says from his spot a few feet away, leaned against the wall. 'You know, to complain.'

Nurse Johnson looks expectantly between the two boys. 'And?'

'And nothing.' Blaine sighs. 'She basically told me it's my own fault for being different. You know, how she's "sympathetic", but she can't exactly "make people like" me.'

'Hm.' Nurse Johnson purses her lips, and Blaine can tell that she has to refrain from insulting the principal – who is after all her boss. '"Like" is one thing. "Basic respect" is another.' She shakes her head and lets the thought hang there as she sets to work on Blaine's bleeding lip, and when she finishes, she advises him to stay and rest for a while, though Blaine knows that she's really just helping him delay the moment when he has to return to class.

'Ty?' Blaine says after a few minutes of silence. 'Why are you friends with me? I mean, you do have other friends.'

Tyler hops up on the bed to sit beside Blaine. 'Well, someone's gotta sit with you at lunch. Otherwise it's just sad.' He's joking, but they both know it's kind of true too. 'I'm just the unlucky bastard who drew the short straw.'

Blaine forces a short laugh. 'No, but really. People wouldn't pick on you half as much if you weren't seen around me all the time.'

'Are you kidding me? I'm the gay, black football player,' Tyler deadpans. 'That joke never gets old.'

Blaine frowns, replying quietly, 'I missed the punchline.'

'You and me both, man.'

Tyler shakes his head slightly as he hops back down, and Blaine follows. He can't stay in here forever, no matter how tempting the idea is. As they leave, they wave goodbye to Nurse Johnson, who looks up from her phone call and sends them both an encouraging smile.

'I don't know, Blaine,' Tyler says once they're out in the empty hallway. 'Maybe I look up to you a bit.'

Blaine stops short, and turns to look at his friend. 'You look up to me?' The idea that the strong, seventeen-year-old, out-and-proud football player looks up to him seems kind of ridiculous.

'Yeah.' Tyler shrugs. He looks thoughtful for a moment, evidently searching for words to explain. 'I remember back in February when we met in PFLAG. How scared and awkward you were, and here you stand now. You've come such a long way. I mean, it's obvious how much more comfortable you are. And even with the crap people give you all the time, you're still so...optimistic about life.' Blaine raises an eyebrow, but before he can say anything, Tyler continues. 'Yeah, okay, so today happened. But I think this is genuinely the first time I've seen you look sad or angry for more than, like, a minute at a time. Most of the time you don't let these assholes get to you. I admire that. I know what it's like to be picked on, and it's never been as bad as what you get, but I admit I've had some...dark moments. So yeah. I look up to you.' Tyler considers Blaine for a moment before his expression turns amused. He raises a hand, first to the top of his own head, then to Blaine's. 'Metaphorically of course.'

Blaine can't help his smile. Whether Tyler knows it or not, he just gave Blaine the pep talk he needed to bounce back from this latest defeat. He notices suddenly that they have ended up in front of the school notice board, and his eyes fall upon a particular flyer right above to Tyler's head.

'Sadie Hawkins,' Blaine says.

'Bless you.'

Blaine snorts and shoves at Tyler. 'No, you idiot. That,' he says, pointing at the board, and Tyler turns to look, taking a moment to read the notice for the Sadie Hawkins dance in February.

'Oh, that. The dance where the girls ask the boys,' he says, sounding bored and unimpressed. 'It's a lovely sentiment, but it kinda leaves us gays out, don't you think?'

'We should go anyway,' Blaine says brightly.

'Because...?' Tyler sounds simultaneously amused and exasperated.

'Because screw the people who say we can't,' Blaine says in what he hopes is a rousing voice. He's not giving up with these people, and he will not roll over and play dead.

Tyler chuckles. '"Screw" them? That's, like, hardcore swearing coming from you. You must be serious about this.'

Blaine snorts and rolls his eyes. 'Oh, haha. So will you go with me? As friends?' Blaine prods his friend. 'Come on, it'll be fun.'

'I doubt it,' Tyler says skeptically. 'But fine. I'll go. To prove you wrong, if nothing else.'

'Don't count on it. It'll be great, you'll see.' Blaine grins. 'Just think of all the people we'll get to piss off by going.'

The first time Blaine's phone rang, it was Kurt calling half an hour after he had left, and Blaine declined the call with only a brief moment's hesitation.

The second time it was his dad calling from the road to check up on him. Blaine answered the questions about his well-being as briefly as he could, and he did his best to sound excited when his dad told him that he had been short-listed for the promotion he wanted, but he made no effort at all to prolong the conversation and was relieved when it ended after only a couple of minutes.

The third and fourth call were both from Kurt and came within a few minutes of each other, the fourth followed by a text message plea for Blaine to pick up his phone. Blaine's stomach twisted guiltily as he continued to ignore his boyfriend.

The fifth call was from Blaine's mother, and the conversation went along a similar vein as the one with his dad, except he and his mother seemed equally eager for the conversation to end. Something about an important dinner she was supposed to attend.

The sixth call came just after Blaine had called for dinner and was – predictably – from Kurt. Blaine stared at the image of Kurt and himself on the screen, biting his lip and wondering if he should pick it up. Or, well, he should, he knew that. You weren't supposed to ignore your boyfriend's phone calls, were you? Especially not when you had basically thrown him out of your house hours beforehand. What would Blaine tell him though? He didn't have the words to explain. That was kind of what had gotten him here in the first place.

The seventh call came while Blaine was finishing washing up after dinner. As he heard his phone buzz behind him on the kitchen counter, he assumed that it was Kurt once more, and he was just considering turning off his phone for the night, when he turned around and saw that it wasn't Kurt this time.

'Hey, Squirt.'

'Hey, Coop,' Blaine greeted his brother with a soft sigh as he sank down into a kitchen chair.

'What, no complaint about the nickname?' Cooper asked, sounding half teasing and half like he really wondered.

'What?' Blaine said distractedly. 'Oh, I just... Never mind. What did you want?'

'Dad called. Said you're not okay,' Cooper said casually.

'Yeah, apparently slushies are much more dangerous than anyone thought,' Blaine quipped, keeping his tone light.

'Yes, and about that – this Sebastian kid, where's he staying?'

'Well, he's boarding at Dalton, but I think he's got an uncle in the area. His parents are in Illinois...' Blaine trailed off, frowning. 'Why?'

'Oh, just, you know, so I know which address to type into the GPS when I make the trip to go kill him for-'

'Cooper, no,' Blaine cut his brother off. 'Do not do or say anything to him. We're not making a thing of this.'

'I know, I know. Dad told me. Jeez, Blaine, take it easy. I see what Dad was talking about.'

'What?'

'You're not okay,' Cooper said, sounding serious now. 'And I'm not just talking about your eye.'

'I'm fine, Cooper,' Blaine said tensely. He just wanted to be left alone.

'You don't sound it,' Cooper insisted.

'I know, I just have a bit of a headache,' Blaine said as he stood up, hoping this slight admission would make his brother back off. 'I think I'll go get some painkillers and go to bed early, so if that was all, we should-'

'Blaine Devon Anderson, do not lie to me,' Cooper said in a stern voice, and Blaine froze, unsure how to respond. 'Sorry, I just always wanted to try that,' Cooper admitted with a grin, and Blaine snorted despite himself. 'Hey, was that a smile, I just heard?

'No, Coop,' Blaine said seriously. 'That was a laugh. You can't hear smiles.'

'Mm,' was Cooper's only response, but Blaine leaned against the kitchen table, giving a deep sigh and internally cursing (or blessing?) his brother's ability to know how to make Blaine's walls crumble.

'I just feel...powerless. I just- With everything that's happening, and I can't... Kurt asked and I couldn't explain it. Or wouldn't, I don't know...' Blaine trailed off, unsure if was making sense at all, but if Cooper found the explanation lacking, he didn't say.

'I'm sorry,' was what he did say, much to Blaine's confusion. 'I can't help feeling like this is my fault because of the things I said to Sebastian at New Year's.'

'Coop, you can't think like that.'

'Why not? I clearly upset him. Is it so farfetched to think that this was his response?'

'Yes,' Blaine replied wearily, though who knew? Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but Sebastian and his band of Warblers were still the ones at fault here. 'Sebastian's an idiot.'

'Still, if I'm in any way responsible for-'

'Then what?' Blaine said, not quite snapping, but feeling inexplicably annoyed with his brother's sudden display of useless guilt. He just wanted this conversation to be over, so he could go upstairs and swallow another round of painkillers (he hadn't actually been lying about that headache), put on a bad rom-com and forget about everything.

'Just, if there's anything I can do...'

'If you really want to help you can get me a dick that works,' Blaine muttered before he could stop himself.

'Excuse me?'

'Oh god, I so did not mean to say that,' Blaine flustered, feeling his face redden in mortification. 'Look, I'm just gonna go, and we can-'

'No no no, wait,' Cooper said quickly. 'What was that about a-'

'This really isn't appropriate for us to be talking about.'

'Relax, it's not like we're discussing technique.' Blaine winced at the idea. 'So you need a toy?'

Blaine cringed, but replied nonetheless, knowing how persistent Cooper could be. 'I- Well, yeah. The one we've got – turns out it wasn't meant for... guys.'

'I see,' Cooper said, and Blaine was grateful that he wasn't asking for further clarification. 'So how much do you need?'

'Cooper, have you lost your mind? You are not buying me a- a- That's just... weird and inappropriate.'

'Do you have any way of getting it for yourself?' Cooper asked, still not sounding remotely embarrassed.

'Not really,' Blaine admitted. Even if he had had the credit card he needed to shop online, he didn't have the money.

'Well, there you go,' Cooper said as though it was that simple. 'Go find the one you want, send me the link and I'll buy it for you.'

'Coop,' Blaine sputtered. 'I'm not- I can't send you-'

'Oh, relax. I wasn't going to inspect and scrutinize your choice. But fine. Then call me when you're ready and I'll give you my credit card info. Deal?'

'I- Yeah, fine. Thanks. Can I go now?' Blaine now felt oddly like adding a shower to his plans for the night. Cooper simply chuckled at him.

'Yes, shoo. Go look at dildos.' Blaine groaned, and Cooper laughed again. 'Oh, and Blaine? Just be glad it wasn't Dad you accidentally spilled your guts to.'

Blaine made a face. 'And if I wake up in cold sweat from a nightmare tonight, I know who to thank.'

'You're welcome,' Cooper said, teasing grin evident even through the phone. 'Just adding some perspective.'

'I hate you,' Blaine said before hanging up, trusting Cooper to know that he meant the opposite.

Half an hour later Blaine's phone rang for the eighth and final time that night, alerting Blaine to a fifth call from one Kurt Hummel.

This time Blaine didn't hesitate before picking up.

Kurt was too busy the next day, but on Friday after school he finally made it over again. Blaine was a little anxious, but Kurt's face lit up in a careful smile when he saw Blaine, and warmth spread in Blaine's chest.

'Hey,' he breathed out.

'Hey, sexy pirate,' Kurt said affectionately as he stepped inside, proceeding to hug Blaine closely while Blaine melted into the touch, feeling calmer than he had for days.

'I'm sorry,' he said when they pulled apart, and Kurt began to shed his shoes and jacket. 'I shouldn't have reacted like that. You did nothing wrong, and it was- it was unfair to you.'

'Yes. It was. I'm glad you realize that,' Kurt said in a gentle but firm voice. As he turned back around, he suddenly looked a lot more serious than he had a moment ago, and Blaine shrank back a little. 'I know it's hard, but Blaine, you can't keep doing this.'

'Do what?' Blaine's voice was almost a whisper.

'Shut me out and then snap at me when I don't get what you're going through.'

Blaine bit his lip. 'I'm sorry.'

'I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to change it.' Kurt stepped closer to Blaine, and Blaine forced himself not to recoil when he took Blaine's hand in his, stroking gently. 'I'm doing my best here, but I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on.' Kurt let a few seconds of silence pass before he added in a lighter voice, 'For the record that was my not so subtle way of asking what prompted that reaction. In fact that whole day was kind of weird.'

Blaine sighed and pulled away from Kurt to sit down at the bottom of the staircase. 'I know, and I'm sorry. I was just so angry and frustrated with everything. You know...' Blaine gave a tired sigh as he gestured at his eye. 'My head keeps throbbing, and the hospital was kind of awful, and just I feel so... And with no way to let it all out... You know, I can't go to the auditorium and sing, and I can't go to the gym and box... I guess- I guess, I just kind of freaked.'

Blaine looked up at Kurt for confirmation that he understood and accepted this explanation – an explanation that was truthful, yes, but left out some things that Blaine preferred not to get into. When he mostly just wanted to forget and deny and move on, the mere thought of trying to make sense of and put everything into words was exhausting. Besides, did Kurt really need to know every little thing that went on in Blaine's head? The important part, Blaine told himself, was that he apologized and that they moved on from this.

'He seems to be in a better mood,' Kurt said to Mrs. Anderson on Monday afternoon, when he met her in the hallway on his way to grab some snacks from the kitchen. He had been in the house for all of ten minutes, and he had already noticed Blaine seeming a lot less tense than he had been since returning from the hospital on Wednesday.

'He seems mildly drunk, you mean,' Mrs. Anderson replied.

'Well, yeah,' Kurt said, unsure if he was supposed to be amused or not.

'His painkillers weren't working as well as they should, so they've given him different ones now.' Mrs. Anderson paused and allowed herself a small smile. 'Apparently these ones come with a bonus.'

Kurt smiled politely and began to walk away but turned back around after a few steps. 'Mrs. Anderson? Can I ask, Blaine says you won't be pressing charges against Sebastian Smythe, or even attempt to get him expelled.' She gave a small nod in confirmation. 'But why? Blaine hasn't said.'

'Then I really don't think it's appropriate for me to say either,' she said, not unkindly, though her face remained impassive. They stood silent for a moment before Mrs. Anderson made to walk away.

'I just don't want to worry,' Kurt said, the words tumbling out.

'Then don't,' she said gently. 'Look, it's hard for him sometimes. And I suppose sometimes it's easier to just not talk about the things you can't change anyway.'

Kurt frowned. 'I don't understand. What does Sebastian have to do with...'

'You should ask Blaine.'

Kurt wanted to protest that he had asked Blaine – several times – and that it was rather like talking to a brick wall, but there was a note of finality in her voice, so instead he just nodded and turned to walk downstairs.

In the kitchen Kurt, knowing his way around well by now, quickly gathered what snacks and drinks they needed, but just as he was about to go back upstairs his phone buzzed with a call from Rachel, who informed him that she and Finn were on their way.

'We'll be there in about fif-' she said, but cut herself off. 'Finn! You missed the turning.'

Kurt heard Finn mumble something – probably an apology – somewhere in the background behind Rachel's exasperated sighs. 'Are you doing okay, Rachel?'

'I'm fine. It's not like he crashed the car.'

'No, I just mean' – Kurt lowered his voice as though has was about to say a dirty word – 'with NYADA and everything.'

'Kurt, I'm fine,' Rachel insisted. 'Let's just concentrate on Blaine right now.'

'Okay,' Kurt acquiesced, feeling simultaneously happy and sad as he hung up and made his way upstairs. It had only been hours since Kurt had received his NYADA letter, inviting him to audition in the spring, and he had been so, so happy for about ten minutes until Rachel's breakdown had forced him to subdue his happiness somewhat. He was still happy of course, and he didn't blame his friend for being upset, but it felt rather bittersweet. Everything sort of did at the moment, Kurt mused, screwing on a smile as he stepped into Blaine's room.

'Thank youuuu,' Blaine said happily as Kurt set down the snack tray on the bed. It was only then that Kurt noticed the stack of open Get Well cards in Blaine's lap.

'Have you been reading these again?' Kurt asked, rolling his eyes fondly as Blaine grinned sheepishly.

'I can't help it! It's so sweet.'

Blaine wore a look of such happy incredulity, very similar to the one he had worn when Kurt had first told him about their friends' reaction to his hospitalization. How angry everyone was. How Artie had even yelled in Mr. Schue's face. How everyone – headed by Santana of all people – wanted to get revenge on Sebastian and the Warblers. It had been rather like watching a herd of animals band together to protect one of their own. Kurt smiled to himself. And Blaine thought he wasn't part of the group.

Kurt just wished that this happiness wasn't marred by everything that was going on. It was hard to really enjoy this inclusion, when Blaine was hurt and terrified of his upcoming surgery and just generally in a bit of a bad state, even if he tried to put on a brave face. And said brave face was kind of part of the problem too, Kurt thought.

'How are you feeling, anyway?' Kurt asked when he had settled into the armchair by Blaine's bed.

'Good, good,' Blaine said around a mouthful of cookies. 'I love you.'

Kurt chuckled. 'Well, that's a bit random. But I love you, too.' Blaine looked pleased with this response. 'Enjoying your new painkillers, honey?' Kurt asked, suppressing a smile, and adding when Blaine looked at him in question, 'Your mom told me. We agreed they're making you act slightly drunk.'

'Sorry?' Blaine grinned self-consciously.

'It's fine.' Kurt waved hand. 'As long as you don't try to make out with Rachel when she and Finn come over.'

Blaine groaned and faceplanted into a pillow. 'God, I'm never gonna live that one down, am I?'

'Nope,' Kurt said, his smile wide and teasing, prompting Blaine to throw a pillow at him.

Of course Kurt wasn't seriously worried that his boyfriend would start to make out with Kurt's best friend in front of Kurt and said best friend's boyfriend, but even so, he was grateful to realize that the pills were not making Blaine his usual kind of affectionate drunk. Rather Blaine seemed oddly sentimental.

Blaine was not exactly a cold person on a normal day, but today he kept sending odd, misty-eyed glances towards the Get Well cards on his night table, and he seemed unusually affected by the gossip pieces that Kurt read aloud to him, coming close to bursting into joyful tears at the news of yet another famous person's pregnancy. Kurt found it all rather adorable.

Unfortunately when Rachel and Finn had arrived, Blaine's sentimentality also caused him to want to raise a toast to Kurt's NYADA success, completely oblivious to the fact that it might not be the most sensitive thing to do with Rachel in the room. Thankfully both Rachel and Finn seemed to realize that he meant no harm and let it slide much like they would the outspokenness of a young child.

And then Ben happened. Rachel had suggested the serenade the previous week when Kurt had told her how glum Blaine had seemed since the slushie incident, insisting that it might cheer him up. Kurt had been the one to come up with the right song, and together they had convinced Finn to join them. However, the discussion and brief rehearsal had all happened before these new painkillers had miraculously lifted Blaine's spirits, and now as it was happening, Kurt rather feared that it was all too much for Blaine.

All through it, Kurt kept glancing over at Blaine on the bed, noticing how he got more and more affected by it, biting his lip to keep the emotion back and squeezing Kurt's hand multiple times throughout. When it was over Rachel crawled up on the bed and hugged Blaine tightly, but then that seemed to be the end of it. The rest of the afternoon went by with talking and laughing and Pirates of the Caribbean playing in the background, Blaine perhaps "aww'ing" more than usual at the romantic bits, but seeming perfectly fine. Rachel and Finn left around six thirty, and after Kurt had seen them out, he poked his head back into Blaine's room.

'What do you want for dinner?' he asked brightly. 'Your mom says you get to- Blaine? What's wrong?'

Kurt stepped fully into the room towards Blaine, who was sitting on his bed, hugging his knees against his chest and staring vacantly into space. He wore an odd look that Kurt didn't quite know how to describe (melancholic? Contemplative? And yet a tiny smile was playing on his lips), and he didn't seem to have heard Kurt at all.

'I lost them,' Blaine said finally, clearly speaking more to himself than Kurt.

'Who?' Kurt asked softly as he sat down on the edge of the bed. 'What are you talking about?'

'The Warblers.' Blaine looked over at Kurt, but he seemed to be looking through him almost, and he still wore that unfathomable expression. 'I've been so focused on Sebastian that it didn't really hit me until now that... I lost them.'

Kurt didn't say anything, recognizing that Blaine didn't need him to right now. Instead he merely rested his hand on Blaine's foot, letting him know that he was here and listening.

'They were my friends, you know? Dalton was the first place where I was liked for me, and I think I held on to that for a long time...' Blaine trailed off, and his face hardened before he continued. 'But last week I was on the ground, literally screaming in pain, and they just...walked away. I mean, who does that? And not one peep from any of them since then. Not even Trent. No phone call, no text, no anything, to check that I was okay.'

Blaine fell into silent thought, and Kurt watched the hurt and disappointment on Blaine's face with an ache in his chest. He took Blaine's hand in his, squeezing it gently. The gesture seemed to re-alert Blaine to Kurt's presence, and his expression softened as he looked at him.

'But then there's New Directions.' He gave a small smile. 'You know, I didn't fit in, not really. Not for a long time. And I really thought I'd blown it forever with Michael, but then here you all are with' – Blaine gestured toward his night table – 'Get Well cards and...and plotting revenge on my behalf. And I mean...' Blaine laughed a little as though he didn't quite believe his own words. 'Chicken soup? And- and serenading?' Blaine shook his head, as if trying to make sense of it. 'I didn't expect that.'

'So basically,' Kurt said lightly. 'You lost the Warblers, but you gained the New Directions.'

'Yeah,' Blaine breathed out as their eyes met, and Kurt smiled softly, sympathizing with the conflicting emotions Blaine must be juggling. Kurt crawled up on the bed, leaning against the headboard and tugging Blaine with him into a cuddle.

'I may be biased, but I don't think that's a bad tradeoff at all,' Kurt said playfully, though knowing that it was a bit more complicated than that. Blaine's body shook slightly in Kurt's arms as he let out a short laugh, which he followed with a quiet noise of assent. Kurt made to steal a kiss, but before he could do so, his phone buzzed, and he reluctantly broke the hug to grab his phone.

'It's from Santana,' he murmured, opening the text message. Plan worked, it read.Rock salt, Kurt. ROCK SALT. -S.

'What is it?' Blaine asked, looking over at Kurt who was staring at his phone, his expression dark. 'Kurt, what's wrong?'

Kurt handed the phone to Blaine wordlessly, who glanced at the screen for a second before his mouth fell open in surprise. 'Rock salt? In- in the slushie?'

Kurt nodded.

'Wow, that's... I don't know. Just, wow...' Blaine mumbled incoherently. For some reason part of him had held on to the belief that it had been a normal slushie, because he didn't want to believe that Sebastian would sink that low – that the Warblers would.

'You know this changes things,' Kurt said seriously. 'We have to report this.'

Blaine's eyes widened and he drew himself further away from Kurt. 'No.'

'Blaine, come on. This is clearly more than some prank gone wrong. He planned this,' Kurt said, getting worked up.

Blaine's only response was to withdraw off the bed entirely, wishing they weren't having this discussion yet again, but they were, and pretty soon Kurt's voice was rising to a yell, ranting at Blaine about his unhealthy relationship with Sebastian and not being honest with Kurt. Blaine tried to tune it out and stand his ground, but he hated when Kurt yelled at him, and to make matters worse, his headache was returning.

'Kurt, please,' Blaine groaned, sitting down in his armchair and massaging his temples. 'Please, just let it go.'

But Kurt refused. 'No! I wanna know why you keep protecting him.'

'I'm not!' Blaine said, looking up at Kurt standing in the middle of the room and his voice rising too now. 'I'm not protecting Sebastian, I'm protecting me!'

'And what's that supposed to mean?' Kurt asked skeptically.

'That I can't risk being outed!' Blaine yelled finally. Blaine met Kurt's blank stare for a moment, before he gave a deep sigh and leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes. He heard the bed creak as Kurt sat down close to him.

'What?' Kurt asked quietly. 'I don't understand. How does pressing charges against Sebastian risk you being outed?'

Blaine opened his eyes to find Kurt watching him from the bed, a confused but concerned look on his face. He worried his lip for a moment before giving a sigh of resignation. He stood up and walked over to his desk, where he picked up his wallet, opening it and finding what he was looking for.

'Here,' he said, handing it to Kurt.

'Your driver's license?' Kurt glanced from Blaine to the driver's license in his hand, scanning the text on it several times, before looking back up at Blaine, frowning. 'I'm not following.'

Blaine took a deep breath, steeling himself. 'This is the only thing I have that says I'm male. Every official record still says I'm female.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah, "oh,"' Blaine said irritably. 'So what happens when I get involved with something like this? Even if by some miracle it doesn't come up on its own, or if we stuck to simply trying to get Sebastian expelled, his dad is a state's attorney. I can't be sure what kind of information he has access to. And if Sebastian finds out about me, I'm not exactly trusting him to keep it quiet. So yeah,' Blaine finished. 'This is about protecting myself.'

'Well, why didn't you just tell me that?'

'Because it's embarrassing!' Blaine was yelling and he stood up again, feeling far too wound up to be sitting calmly. 'And the fact that I can't do anything, that Sebastian can do this' – Blaine gestured angrily at his hurt eye – 'to me, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it... It's humiliating and it makes me so angry, and I just don't want to think about it any more than I have to.'

'You still should have told me,' Kurt said quietly. 'I'm supposed to be that person that you can talk about that stuff to. The stuff that bothers you.'

'And I'm supposed to be your boyfriend. Not your girlfriend,' Blaine said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

'Hey, do you think I care about that? That's there's some birth certificate somewhere that says you're female? It's not like I don't know you're trans,' Kurt said gently, and Blaine gave a small nod, recognizing the earnestness in Kurt's eyes. 'So what, you haven't got your gender marker changed yet. You're still transitioning. I understand that.'

Blaine's heart sank at these words, and he averted his eyes, responding with a mumble, 'Not "yet" - "ever."'

'What?'

'I can't get my gender marker changed ever.'

'No, but after surgery...' Blaine shook his head, and Kurt just looked confused. 'Wait, no. I read about this. You can get it changed if you've had gender reassignment surgery, so once you've had top surgery-'

'No. I mean, yes, in most states that is more or less how it works, but Ohio happens to be one of three states that don't allow people to ever change their gender marker. And,' Blaine continued, cutting Kurt off before he could get a word out. 'before you say "New York" - no. I was born in Ohio, it's the laws here that matter, and unless they change them, I will never be officially male. Ever.'

Silence filled the room for a few seconds in which Kurt seemed to be digesting Blaine's words. 'Except for your driver's license,' he said finally.

'Yes. Except for that,' Blaine said, oddly relieved to have let everything out, but he still stood a little tensely, arms crossed awkwardly in front of his chest.

'Come here?' Kurt said after a moment. He offered his hand to Blaine who took it reluctantly, sitting down next to Kurt on the bed.

'It's okay if you need time to-' Blaine began, but his words were cut off by a finger on his lips, and Kurt shushed him gently, squeezing Blaine's hand in his.

'I want you to know that I don't care, okay? None of that is important to me.' Kurt smiled suddenly. 'And hey, look on the bright side. This means that we can get married in any state.'

Blaine jerked his hand away from Kurt's, and he was on his feet again in a second.

'This isn't funny, Kurt.'

'I know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't-'

'You think that's what I want? To sign the marriage certificate as the bride? To be your wife?'

'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have joked. But Blaine, honey, please calm down.' Kurt's voice was small and almost frightened, and when their eyes met, his were wide and sad, but still tender and Kurt. It occurred to Blaine then, that Kurt appeared more freaked out at Blaine's behavior than anything Blaine had told him in the past five minutes. And really, what was wrong with Blaine that he so took his frustrations out on the one person who had been nothing but amazing? He sat back down on the bed, sighing heavily as he did so. Kurt stayed quiet as he scooted closer to Blaine, taking Blaine's right hand in his left, and Blaine leaned his head on Kurt's shoulder.

'It really doesn't matter to you?' he asked after a while, once he was calm and his heart-rate was back to normal.

'No,' Kurt said, and though he was listening for it, Blaine could trace no doubt or hesitation in Kurt's voice. 'So what if official records say female and the marriage certificate says "Bride and groom"? We know it's not who you are. And it's not who we are. And it wouldn't be the first time the government was wrong about something, would it?' Kurt shifted on the bed, so he could look Blaine in the eye as he finished. 'As long as it's your name next to mine, I don't care.'

'Then...I'll try not to either.'

'Good boy,' Kurt said, smiling affectionately.

Blaine let out a short breathy laugh and shook his head a little. 'I'm sorry, I know it's silly, and they're just titles. And I should've just told you.'

'Yes,' Kurt said gently. 'You should.'

'The point still stands though,' Blaine went on. 'About Sebastian. I'm not risking it.'

'Okay. No expelling and no police,' Kurt said, nodding in agreement, and he looked thoughtful for a moment before adding. 'I might have a different idea though.'