Kurt and I haven't spoken in days. 12 to be exact. The only time we communicate is when we sing our duet. Our chemistry somehow still shines through, but that's all that is left of the former relationship we had.

            I didn't know what to say to Kurt after he admitted to having feelings for me, so I avoided him for the first two days, until I figured out something to say. But by then, I couldn't find a chance to get a conversation started without it being awkward. So here I am, twelve days later, making excuses up so I don't have to talk to my best friend.

            The only person I have to talk to about this is Jeff. Nick is mad at me, I'm not quite sure why, but it definitely has to do with the Kurt fiasco. Ever since Kurt confessed, Nick has not only been ignoring me but acting hostile too. This situation is getting out of hand, and I don't know how to fix it.

            I'm thinking about all of this as Jeff and I watch TV, when someone pounds on our door. Jeff gets it, and an aggressive looking Nick follows him into our room.

            “Blaine, you need to apologize,” he starts, glaring at me.

            “Um, for what?” Nick's angry and I don't want to say the wrong thing, so I'm trying to figure out what exactly he wants.

            “Apologize to Kurt! He tells you he likes you, but it's his own fault for him feeling rejected, and what do you do? Nothing! You were supposed to be his best friend. You were supposed to tell him he matters, and that even though you don't like him in that way, you still want to be around him, that you still care about him. Instead, you've given him the silent treatment. Pretended like he isn't around. Do you know how that makes him feel? Have you stopped to think about how he might interpret your actions? Because honestly, I don't think you have. Which makes you a selfish, horrible person. And in that case I'm glad you are staying away from Kurt, even if it's slowly killing him.”

            I stare at Nick, in a little bit of shock. Before I respond, I try to think about what he said. That outburst was unnecessary, but I got the point. It wasn't cool of me to stop talking to Kurt just because things got a little uncomfortable.

            “You're right, I should have been a loyal friend and not checked out on Kurt when things got tough. I'll apologize to him right away for being stupid.”

            “God, Blaine, you are so infuriating! That's not what this is about, not really. It's about you ditching Kurt the moment he admits he likes you. The moment he shows vulnerability and you just ignored his feelings. It's about you not thinking about how he took it, because he thinks you are so disgusted with the thought of him liking you, you can't bear to be around him any more. And it's about you being so self-centered, you didn't stop for just a minute to think about how it affects Kurt. I know that in your world, yeah it's a little messed up, but how do you think he feels. That's the thing, you never once stopped to think about it, did you?”

            He pauses, and stares at me, as if daring me silently to deny anything he has said.

            I try to defend myself a little, by saying, “I did think about Kurt, and I feel awful about how I haven't talked to him, but I didn't know what to say. We left on such an awkward note…”

            “Here's the thing Blaine. You can believe that all you want, and parts of it might be true. But you know, that in all honesty, the ball is in your court. Kurt made the last play and now, it's your turn. Except to tell the truth, I'm not sure if I want you around him anymore.”

            I look back to Jeff, who has been silent this whole time, and his eyes are downcast.

            “I'm confused, do you want me to apologize, or stay away from Kurt?”

            Nick takes a moment before answering. “I want you to apologize to him, as sincerely as you can, I know that might be hard for you,” he says with a sneer, “And then I want you to give him space. You've caused Kurt too much hurt and unless you can promise you won't cause him any more pain, you shouldn't be greedy and do that to him any longer.”

            With that, Nick storms out and I look to Jeff for help.

            “What have I done?” I say to him, and he shakes his head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(12 days earlier)

Losing Blaine is like forgetting how to smile.

            He's always such a happy person, and keeps me grinning, with his optimism and ridiculous jokes and without him, I've forgotten what it is like to smile.

            I tell this to Nick as I explain to him the events of the past week, in hopes that he will have some advice.

(12 days earlier)

“Kurt, what did I do wrong?”

            I pause, before answering Blaine, and I decide to tell him the truth.  “Honestly Blaine? It hurt my feelings that you didn't stick up for me, from what I saw. And finding out you were over me too, that sucked. I know I don't have the right to be mad at you for being over me, because I'm the one who had the boyfriend, but it still hurt. I've realized, that the only one I've ever really had feelings for, was you. But I blew it. And being around you just reminds me of that. So it's not what you did, it's me.”

            He just stares at me with a dumbfounded expression and I realize telling the truth probably wasn't the best choice. I've already started thinking of worse case scenarios, so I dash out of the room before he can respond.

            When I get to my dorm, Nick is there and practically begs me too tell him what's wrong, but I don't feel like talking about it, with anyone besides Blaine that is.

            ~~~~~~~~~~~

            Blaine never contacted me last night, but who am I to blame him. He probably just needs time to think, I tell myself, trying to keep a positive attitude, and not give in to the bad thoughts. But by the time we get to Warblers practice, Blaine has ignored me in every single class, so I'm not feeling hopeful.

            Wes announces we will be starting practicing the duet with the group today, and I groan internally. Of course it has to be today. But I put on a fake grin and sing my best, because I'm not going to let my feelings get in the way of the Warblers going to Nationals. It wouldn't be fair to them.

            The next few days are just as horrible, since Blaine still makes no efforts to talk to or acknowledge me outside of our duet. I don't laugh or joke with anyone and I keep my distance, just sticking to school and the Warblers.

~~~~~~~~~~

            “And now I'm to present time, telling you this story.”

            “No wonder you've been sad, but it's not your fault Kurt, he's part of this too.”

            “No, it is. I shouldn't have told him. It's all my fault this friendship is ruined. I knew he didn't like me, so I shouldn't have pressured him like that, and I can understand why he wouldn't want to be around me. He was too good for-”

            “Don't you dare finish that sentence,” Nick cuts in, and I sigh.

            “I can't help it if that's what I feel like.”

            Nick is the one to sigh this time. “I know Kurt, but you are worth it. If he doesn't see it, than that's his loss. I don't want you to beat yourself up about this, or fret over it anymore, okay?”

            I give a small nod, so Nick won't continue, because he can get easily fixated on things.

            “Good, now, how about we watch some TV?”

~~~~~~~~~

            Even though I told Nick I would try not to be as upset, I still am. It's not like my feelings will magically change over night. The only person I can think of to talk to is my dad.  Normally I would talk to Blaine, but seeing as we haven't spoken in 12 days, I don't think he's an option any more.

            I call him and as soon as he picks up, everything comes flooding out, until I get to present time.

            “So basically, that's what has happened. Dad, what do I do?”

            “Kurt, I want you to remember how important you are to so many people. I love you, and you have so many friends that do as well. I think we both thought Blaine was one of these people, but as it turns out, he might not be. So let's try to focus on the good ones, okay? And if you really want to be friends with the kid, talk to him.”

            “But how? He pretty much avoids me at all costs.”

            “That's up to you to figure out.”

            We talk for a little longer, but it's late, so I get ready for bed. That's when I realize Nick has been gone for quite sometime.

            I throw on a robe over my pajamas and head out to look for him, since he usually id back by now, but I stop when I open the door, because right outside is Blaine.  And before I can do anything, he pulls me into a hug, and for just that moment, I'm reminded how to smile again.