“Blaine! Thank god you answered, I've been calling all weekend, I was beginning to think you were avoiding me,” Rachel says on the other end of the phone. That's because I was.

            “Oh sorry, I stayed at Kurt's and didn't have a phone charger until today.” It's a lie, which I don't feel good about but I don't want to get on the bad side of Rachel.

            “No worries! Well, I was thinking we could talk about Friday night?” I have no idea what to say.

            “What about it?”

            Rachel huffs, obviously annoyed. “Well Blaine, if you don't remember correctly, you and I had quite the night. We were practically a couple.” I groan and Rachel says “What? Is there something wrong with that?”

            “Yes, Rachel. I'm gay.”

            “I know but at the party, you were kissing me and flirting, I thought maybe you enjoyed it too?” I can hear the hope in her voice.

            “That's because I was drunk. And it was my first kiss so I guess I just got into it. I'm sorry though,” I apologize and truly mean it. It's not Rachel's fault.

            “Ok, I guess I can accept that. You tease!” she says and laughs. I laugh too, glad it wasn't too much of a problem. “You wanna know something?” she says quietly.

            “What?”

            “I was calling to ask you on a date today.”

            “Oh Rachel, I'm sorry.” I can hear her sniffling on the other end. “This isn't about me, is it?” She then starts crying a little louder. I remember her clinging onto Finn and realize she must be upset about their break-up. “Listen to me. You are a beautiful girl and I know you and Finn have something special, but it' just high school.  Maybe just focus on yourself for a while, ok?”

            “Yeah-yeah I know. Sometimes I just feel like no one really wants me.” I feel so sad for my friend, because she really is an amazing person. We talk for a little bit more, and then she says she has to go to bed, so I hang up.

            Although things are now patched up between Rachel and I, Kurt and I still have awkwardness between is I would like to fix.

~~~~~~~~~

            Once again I find myself spending a Friday night at Rachel's. She called me, sounding upset earlier in the week and Mercedes and I agreed to come over tonight and hang out with her.

            This week has been tough on me too, for a number of reasons. First of all, Blaine has been acting weirdly around me. He doesn't seem loos like usual and I catch him looking at me sadly all the time. And to make matters worse, we are performing for the Red Hat society in two weeks and I didn't get a single lead or solo.  In fact, the lead in both songs went to Blaine. Which just increases the already palpable tension between the two of us.  Another reason is Sebastian. I cancelled our date tonight and moved it to tomorrow, and he was less than pleased. The third issue is a mix of both the boys. I can't decide on how I really feel for either of them.

            Sebastian is so fun and exciting, and always makes me feel special from his compliments. And I really like kissing him and having someone to call mine. But I don't know if I really like him or want to spend lots of time with him. Which is kinda an issue.

            And then there is my sweet, best friend and maybe more, Blaine. Since day one I've thought Blaine was good-looking and have enjoyed talking to him, and I know he has some sort of feelings for me, but he doesn't seem intent on acting on them. And he seems to be really moody lately, which makes it even harder for me to figure everything out.

            Somehow in the past two hours we've gone from comforting Rachel, to me explaining all this to the two girls.

            “Well, I think you just need to listen to your heart.” Mercedes says.

            “How am I supposed to do that when I can't figure it out?”

            “Maybe the issue is you want love so badly you are trying to hard to find it. If you can't figure it out, maybe neither guy is for you.”

            I look at Rachel and realize she is exactly right. “I think that's probably true,” I sigh.

            “I know, it's depressing.” She says, catching my change in mood. “I think that's what I was doing with Blaine. I just wanted someone so bad I was willing to take whatever was available and try and make it work, even though I knew it wasn't really a good idea.” I nod in agreement, before hugging Rachel. Poor girl.

            Mercedes speaks up then though, and she says, “ Rachel, I agree, that's exactly what happened with you and Blaine, and I think Kurt and Sebastian too. But Kurt and Blaine, I don't know, they just seem like they might actually have a shot. What's the shame in trying?”

            I groan. “So what do I do? I can't just break up with Sebastian for no reason?”

            “Easy,” Mercedes says, “Go on your date with him as planned. Make sure we are right about the situation, and then gently say you don't think it's what you expected, and that you really enjoyed getting to know him. Or if you like it, don't break it off.”

            “'Cedes, it's a good thing you're around.” I say as I give her a hug. Kurt Hummel has a whole new game plan.

~~~~~~~~
 

“I couldn't do it.”

“What?” Rachel shrieks into the phone.

            “I couldn't break it off with him. He hasn't done anything wrong, and he's a really sweet boyfriend.”

            “That's all great Kurt, but you don't actually like him.”

            “Yes I do!”

            “But not in that way! Come on, have some courage!”

            “I don't know, Rachel. It might take me a while. I feel bad about hurting his feelings.”

            “Whatever Kurt. It's your life. I can't make you do anything, but as your friend I urge you to end it. You obviously aren't interested in your relationship.”

            With that he hangs up, probably calling Mercedes to tell her I failed.

            The whole night was really fun and before I had a chance to even bring anything up we were kissing again and I realized that I couldn't do it. So I just stayed quiet.

~~~~~~~

            My life just gets worse and worse. Kurt and I have hardly talked in the past week, and then to add on to the tension, I got all the solos for the Warblers performance. Leaving Kurt with none.

            He played it off cool, but I could tell he was trying not to cry. In fact, when I walked by his room after rehearsal I heard him sniffling. Usually I would go in and comfort him, but I was pretty sure I was the last person he wanted to see.

            Now Jeff and Nick have even given up on “Klaine” and any possibilities of that relationship seem to be gone. Even the friendship is fading fast.

            The worst was when Sebastian stopped by at lunch on Thursday to bring Kurt coffee. I had to watch as he was introduced to all the other guys and smiled proudly, he and Kurt linked at the hip.

            Adding to my anger, no one remembered my birthday. It was last Friday night, and the only calls I got were from my mom and brother Cooper. Kurt didn't say anything to me that day except asked for a piece of paper and my New Direction friends sent a couple of texts. Jeff figured it out around 10pm and insisted we eat junk food to celebrate, which was sorta fun, but I still felt a bit depressed.

            I feel like I need somewhere or something to take my anger out on, so I decide to start the Dalton Academy fight club. The first meeting goes well, it's mainly a bunch of guys just boxing and using punching bags, but it's a good way to let off steam, and it made me a lot more relaxed.

            It's Sunday evening and I'm sitting in my room, trying to read but my thoughts interrupt me. But before I have a chance to keep pretending to focus, Kurt races in the room.

            “Blaine Anderson! How dare you!”

            “How dare I what?” Great, more drama between us.

            “Not tell me your birthday was on Friday! I missed it! And I feel like a horrible person!”

            Oh. I laugh, because this is nothing. “Well, I just figured it wasn't a big deal and I didn't really have the chance to bring it up in conversation so…”

            He frowns but it doesn't seem to be directed at me. “Yeah, I guess that's a good reason. But you didn't even have a party?”

            I shake my head. “I haven't really had one in a few years. With New Directions, we went out for dinner usually, but I didn't do anything this year. It's fine.” Birthdays have never been a big event for me. My family is almost always too busy to do something.

            “Tell me you at least did something fun. Or blew out a candle?”

            “Jeff and I ate junk food and stuff which was sorta fun.”

            “You are so laid back,” he comments. “If you had forgotten my birthday, I would have not been so calm and apathetic about it. I was worried you would be mad, so I brought you a present. As a ‘I'm sorry for being a horrible friend' gift too.”

            He hands me a wrapped box and I open it carefully. “Oh my gosh, Blaine, just tear it!” Kurt says, being his usually impatient self. I go a little faster and open the box to find a new bow tie, one with little snowflakes on it.

            “I know it's not really Christmas time or anything now, but I got it because it reminds me of our first duet! So I thought it would be a cute gift.”

            I smile, now understanding. “Thank you. That's really sweet. And it's a bow tie, my favorite!” I add, because you can never have enough bow ties.

            Kurt laughs and gives me a hug before heading to his own room.