Kurt Pov (in the laryngitis episode)

"Your hands are so soft."

Oh so that was why she hadn't let go of my hand all day. Or, any time we were within arms reach of each other.

"The secret? Duck fat." I told her as she kept smoothing her thumb along my hand.

But, I shouldn’t have said that. I seem too gay... I need to tone it down.

"Hey guys! Just holding hands with Brittany!" I announced to people staring in the hallway. Wow, that didn’t sound even remotely convincing….

I’m never going to pull this off….

I mean, it’s pretty obvious that I am gay…..

"Seriously, they feel like a baby's. Now I know what it's like to date a baby." Brittany said happily.

Ok. Great. I have baby hands….. I tried not to find that creepy...

I just turned to her and fake smiled and she was leaning into kiss me when I heard my dad call me from the hall.

"Hey Kurt?"

What’s my dad doing here?

"Dad?! Hey." I said, as I walked to him.

Perfect! I've been acting straight for a week now and he is already coming to see me at school for some reason or another.

It's working.

"Finn caught a foul ball in the 9th so that means free hoagies at Lenny's hoagies, and then half price at the motocross tonight, so I promised I'd take him. Hi Brittany."

Finn... Finn? He isn't here for me at all... he's here for Finn. The straight one.

But now I am straight too. And he still wants Finn?

Great….. well, this was going to be embarrassing.

"Can you excuse us for a minute boo?" I told Britt.

“Huh?” She asked

“Just, go away.” I told her, and that was probably rude, but I said it not even looking at her.

I felt so hurt right now I guess I didn’t care.

She walked off, but not before smiling politely at my dad.

My dad looked to me with a confused expression, and I gave him an answer.

"Did you ever think that that might be something that I wanted to do with you?"

He went on to say a bunch of stuff about Finn that I didn't even really hear, because now, all I could think of was, how I’m still not the son that he wants... Even after all of this…..

I watched him walk away after placing a hand on my shoulder that I know was supposed to be reassuring... but it wasn't...

All that work and what did it get me...

I started wearing these ridiculously unflattering clothes... Lied to myself about what I felt for boys. I’ve been putting effort into keeping my voiced toned lower for a week, to seem straighter. I made out with a girl who has dated or been with every single guy in this school.

Why did I do it?

I did it for you dad! I did it all for you! And you don’t even care…. I did this for you…

Scrapbook's full of me in the background...

And you still are thinking of Finn. Finn is being taken places and getting all of your love... all of the fun time and trips with you. All of your laughs... Your fatherly actions…

Give him love and what does it get ya?

I make him his coffee every morning and make him breakfast. I set him up with Carole so that he could have some love in his life and be happier... I am his son.

What does it getcha? One quick look as each of ‘em leaves you...

I walked to my locker as my father was out of my eyesight.

Nothing that I was doing was making any difference. Finn was straight, and I am not... I don't know why I thought that I could pull this off.

I struggled to open my locker, but I was so frustrated, I was being too rough with it, and probably not even putting the combo in right.

Once I forced the door open, I stuck my head in it, and closed my eyes.

I felt a tear escape, as I felt hopeless. I knew that it was no use. It was no use pretending to be straight anymore... because what is the point? My dad still doesn't want me. He wants Finn. Geez! Why couldn't I just be straight for real?!

Realizing there was no point in dressing like a stupid road-trucker anymore, I grabbed my spare set of clothes from my locker for emergency "slushy" assaults, and made my way to the bathroom to change.

I’m not doing this anymore.

After coming out of the wrong bathroom, some people shot me curious looks, but not caring, I made my way to the auditorium to sing out my anger, sadness, and rejection...

~…………..~………………..~………………..~…………………..~………………~…………….~………….…~……………….~

"Fooooooorrrr MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The clapping from below the stage brought me back to reality... Oh. So I'm not on a Broadway stage with my name in lights. I'm just a gay kid whose dad would rather have a straight son.

"That was some serious singing kid." My dad said ending his applause.

I fixed my hair, just a reflex, but I didn't smile yet. "That was Rose's turn"

He walked up onto the stage. "I could get into that... maybe."

I'm sure he could. He did a lot of things for me that I know that he isn't into, but he never showed it. He has always been supportive of me... Always… That's why him spending all of this time with Finn hurt me so badly.

"What happened to the hoagies?" I asked quietly.

"Uh... blew it off. You know, too much cholesterol."

That was just an excuse. He did it for me. He knew that I wasn't going to be a baby about it, so he cancelled on Finn. I felt my eyes welling up.

"I bet Finn was disappointed."

"He understood. Especially when I told him how bent out of shape I thought you were."

I was just nodding knowing that he is trying to reach out to me, but, I can't let him know that it broke me.

I’m so gay.

"Me? I'm fine." I said. But I could feel the tears about to spill over my lids. And my dad could see it too. He just locked eyes with me, and had sympathy swimming in them.

"Kurt?"

I knew what that tone meant. It meant, 'don't lie to me Kurt.'

"I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid….." He continued. "And I have no idea what that song was about... but Kurt... fine don't sing like you just sung."

We had a whole conversation about how he had hopes for the first three years of my life of taking me to baseball games, and talking about girls, but when I was gay, it changed. When I walked away apologizing for being such a disappointment, he scolded me for thinking he meant it as an insult. I know that he didn't mean it that way.

No one can prepare you for having a gay child. He had expectations, and they just changed after learning that I was gay. Now with Finn, he is getting all of those things that he hoped for to begin with.

"Just seeing how you are with Finn, and how easy it is... It breaks my heart." and upon saying it, my voice cracked and the tears spilled over... God! I feel like such a girl!

My dad seemed to have a realization and he walked right in front of me, close, and lifted my chin. "Is that why you've been pretending to date that daffy cheerleader, and dressing differently? And singing Mellancamp?"

I sniffed. "I just want you to know that I'm going to work as hard as you are, to make all of this okay."

My dad didn't miss a beat in his response. "You don't have to work at anything Kurt. Your only job is to be yourself. And my job is to love you no matter what! And I do."

My face was totally wet as he talked about us having nothing but each other and our love, and he was holding my face despite how wet my cheeks were, and I realized even more, how much I missed my dad.

"I missed you daddy."

"Oh come here." he whispered, grabbing me into a bear hug.

Burt Pov

The way my sons head fits right on my shoulder was a perfect reminder that he belongs there. We’ve been through so much together, and I've failed him in the last few weeks. After the problems that Finn and Kurt had in the basement a few weeks ago were resolved by Finn standing up for Kurt in school while wearing a dress. Things between Finn and I were great. Things between the boys were going well.

Between the boys that is.

But, with Kurt and I? Not so great…… I can admit now, seeing things how Kurt saw them. I was spending 'guy time' with Finn, as if Kurt was my daughter, and as if he was only meant to talk fashion and cooking and boys with Carole and that was that, and Finn and I could watch football and talk girls. I let myself slightly forget that Kurt identifies as a guy. Just because he is gay, doesn’t make him a girl. And, Kurt and I have always been a family. A close and tight knit family. We have family game night once a week. We have Friday night dinners every Friday night, and every weekend, we do something together as father and soon alternating each week who chooses what to do.

We have always worked as a family, and I love my son. I never started loving him any less, and I never will. Even if Finn becomes a permanent member of our family if I get lucky enough to marry Carole Hudson. Kurt will always be my son, and I will always put him first. I just have to make sure that I don't lose sight of that again.

"I love you."

He mumbled that he loved me too, and though I probably didn't deserve to be, I knew that I was forgiven.

We walked together out of the auditorium, and down the hall waiting for him at his locker, was that ditz-leader, smiling real bright as she saw Kurt.

"Hey uh…. Son.... You should probably tell that girl the truth. You don't need a beard Kurt. Please, be yourself. You need to be yourself, and be respectful to her and you."

Before we could get too close to her, he stopped and turned to me.

"She's not my beard dad. I mean... I don't think she is... Well, I mean I….. I don't want her to be. Because I know that that’s not fair to her. I’m going to end it."

Kurt started to scratch his head, and I sensed him thinking hard.

“Did you like kissing her or something??” I asked, and he shrugged a shoulder. “Don’t use her Kurt.”

Kurt knows who he is. Kurt has always been confident in who he is. But after he made out with that girl, I wondered. I can tell that he is immensely confused now.

The thought of him making out with a girl, even though he didn’t want to, in order to please me, almost made me feel sick.

But Kurt did like kissing her. And I know this because Kurt just shrugged, and looked absently at something down the hall.

“I did like kissing. I just wish it was with a cute boy instead.”

I just gave a half smile half frown. I really do hope my son finds someone someday. But he probably won’t in this crap city.

I’m confident though, that if he gets out of this cow town, he will. Because my son, is a catch!