A Blinding Burn
IJustCantSeemToFigureItIn
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A Blinding Burn: Chapter 18


E - Words: 2,509 - Last Updated: Aug 13, 2012
Story: Complete - Chapters: 21/21 - Created: May 30, 2012 - Updated: Aug 13, 2012
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Kurt was in bed with Blaine, snuggled against him with his head rested on his shoulder as they talked about anything and everything. The past two days have consisted of nonstop talking and bonding with each other. “I can picture it now… two kids, a boy and a girl, Mocha, with a big house right outside the city, but not too far away.” Blaine described with a smile, his hand spreading in front him as if he was painting a picture. “A white picket fence with a fabulous garden, perfectly designed house that is both tasteful and homey.” Kurt added with a giggle, closing his eyes as they spoke, playing out a silent movie in his head of their future together. “Of course… And you'll be a big time designer, premiering at Fashion Week and I'll be a top dog at the fire department.” Blaine said, kissing Kurt's head. “We'll be living the life.” He added with a chuckle, smiling widely at the ceiling as he rested back against the pillow. “Yeah... We will... Baby, I have a question.” Kurt rolled over, resting his chin on Blaine's chest, looking up at him. Blaine looked down at him with a grin. “What's up?” He wondered, perky and open for anything Kurt wanted to know. “Did you always want to be a firefighter? Like in high school, is that what you had your heart set on?” Kurt asked curiously, watching as Blaine contemplated how to answer in his head.

After a minute of hesitation he sighed. “Um... No. Not really. I was supposed to be a lawyer and I personally really wanted to be a songwriter.” Blaine admitted, a frown setting on his face. Kurt smiled widely. “I could see you as a songwriter. I read that one song you wrote, you have talent... Why didn't you go for it?” He watched as Blaine's face changed again, becoming passive as he shrugged it off. “Wasn't practical, I wanted to be in New York and if I told my parents I was going for that reason, I would have never gotten the money I needed for support, even if I was going to college. My dad would have never gone for that.” Blaine explained, seeing Kurt's eyebrows pull together, still a little confused. “But why be a firefighter? I mean let’s be honest babe, people stop saying they want to be a firefighter after the fourth grade.” Kurt joked, noticing that Blaine wasn't really laughing or cracking a smile. “I mean don't get me wrong they are noble and brave people but you could have been a teacher, a music reporter, something. Why out of all the careers did you want to be a firefighter?” Blaine hesitated, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he tried to think of a reasonable answer.

“I uh... I don't know. It was something... It was an... Escape” He said offhandedly, making Kurt sit up, prop up on his elbow and look at him. “An escape from what, your father?” He asked, earning a nod from Blaine who avoided his gaze. “It was an escape plan, one to get away from my father’s constant disapproval of me.” Blaine told him softly, picking at the sheets as he spoke. “I was gay. He didn't like it and hated everything I did. I figured if I did something manly he would maybe respect me a little more but he clearly doesn't, you're aware of that.” Kurt nodded, squeezing Blaine's hand. “Unfortunately.” He mumbled, realizing there is more to this than Blaine was actually letting on. “Life sucked so badly before coming out here... I just needed to get out.” Blaine whispered, bringing his and Kurt's joined hands to his chest. “Tell me about it.” Kurt urged gently, now knowing that he didn't know everything about Blaine yet. Blaine chuckled darkly, shaking his head. “I don't think you want to know the gory details of my troubled life Kurt.” He warned, hoping maybe he'd turn back and tell him never mind. “Baby, we are sitting here talking about our future, talking about our wedding and our house with our children in it. I want to share everything with you Blaine. That can't happen unless we are one hundred percent honest with one another.” Kurt went back to his original spot, his head on his boyfriend's shoulder, not wanting to pressure Blaine by staring at him. He always noticed that Blaine doesn't look at him when telling stories from his past. “Okay...” Blaine said softly, taking a deep breath as Kurt kissed his knuckles to comfort him. “Tell me.”

Blaine looked down at the sheets covering him and his boyfriend, his eyes searching for something. “I uh... I don't know where to start…” He finally said, looking to Kurt in panic, looking like a lost child. “Where ever you want to.” Kurt smiled softly to encourage him, massaging his hand. Blaine took a deep breath. “I went to two different high schools. I was beat up really badly after a Sadie Hawkins dance and I didn't want to go back...” He trailed off; the moment replaying in his mind, making him shut his eyes. “Oh my… What for?” Kurt wondered, trying not to look at Blaine. He didn't want to scare him away. “What do you think?” Blaine asked rhetorically, bitterness in his voice. “For being gay.” Kurt bowed his head slightly, staring at their conjoined hands. “Stupid question... Continue.” Blaine rested his cheek on the top of Kurt's head, kissing his hair. “I went with a friend of mine who was gay as well and we were attacked afterward while waiting to get picked up.” He explained biting his lip nervously. “I was transferred to Dalton after I was released from the hospital; they have a no bullying policy, although at first I was not very sociable.” Kurt nodded slightly, adjusting his position to prop his legs over Blaine's. “What made you open up?” He asked, never breaking their hands. “The Warblers.” Blaine answered without hesitation, a small smile on his face. “They were at a function the school was having and everyone was running off to the student lounge so I followed to see what was going on and there they were, singing and happy.” He said dreamily, almost wishing he could be sixteen again. “I asked to join the next day. They loved me and I became the lead soloist at the beginning of my sophomore year.” Blaine told Kurt proudly, resting a hand on his boyfriend's knee.

Kurt chuckled slightly, gazing up at him with bright eyes. “I think I saw you perform at a competition once... You sang 'Hey Soul Sister', right?” Blaine nodded with a grin. “That was me. It was my first competition as a soloist.” Kurt sighed happily, glad that Blaine had some light in the darkness of his past. “You were amazing. Your voice was… Perfect.” Blaine looked over at his boyfriend with a smirk. “Thank you.” He kissed Kurt's head gently, seeing a twinkle in his gorgeous blue eyes. “Maybe this was destined to be.” Kurt told Blaine with a chuckle, snuggling closer to him, placing his head on his firm chest. “Maybe so, I won't question fate if you won't... I really like it this way.” Blaine mumbled, wrapping his arms around Kurt, rubbing his back. “I wouldn't have it any other way... But anyway, continue.” Kurt said with a light laugh, running his fingers up and down Blaine's side slowly. “What happened after you became Mr. Dream Boat Soloist?” Blaine laughed, giving Kurt a playful glare, scrunching his nose cutely. “You're such a distraction.” He joked, making Kurt kiss his nose, giggling.

“Um… I made a lot of friends being with the Warblers but I never dated in high school and kept to myself about a lot of things because of fear.” Blaine began again, his smile fading fast. “I was scared of my past when I was beaten up and I was scared about what my dad would think if I told him I had a boyfriend.” He added, a sigh escaping his lips as he scooted down the bed, holding onto Kurt. “How did you... When did you come out to him?” Kurt asked, his thumb rubbing over Blaine's hip. “I was fifteen. It was after the attack. My dad was asking all of these questions and I was so annoyed that he cared more about why and how it happened rather than how I was doing.” Blaine murmured, his eyebrows pulling together. “I just got so mad that I yelled I was gay and that was the reason why I was beaten up... It definitely made him stop talking.” He added with a dark chuckle, shaking his head, resting it back against the headboard of the hospital bed. “After that we didn't talk much. He tried to show me how to build cars and I thought he was warming up to me being who I was but he was only trying to change me.” Kurt closed his eyes, giving Blaine's hand a small squeeze. “After a long fight about that, we just kind of decided to exist in the same house with the same last name and same blood... We only talked if it was about school.” Blaine added quietly, clearing his throat.

Kurt kissed his boyfriend's chest, giving him a moment to think about everything he had just admitted. “What did he feel about graduation; did you ever tell him about your wish to become a songwriter?” Blaine nodded, staring off into space as if he's staring at the memory playing out in front of him. “Oh yeah, of course I did. I was shot down. He yelled at me, basically the same stuff he yells about now with the job stuff.” Blaine said casually, giving a shrug of his shoulders. “He said I wouldn't get a cent from them if I left to pursue it. I couldn't risk that.” Kurt gulped slightly; glad his dad wasn't like that. “What was your story after high school?” Blaine laughed darkly. “I managed to fake going to college for a while. I did get accepted to NYU and I pretended like I was attending.” He told Kurt with a proud smile, making him giggle. “I had Sebastian as a roommate covering why I didn't want to dorm and I made up stories on the phone… During all this I was at the Fire Academy.” As much as Blaine hated his past, he wouldn't change how things ended up. He was happy now. “So wait… You lied for an entire year? He must have busted an eye vessel when he found out!” Kurt sat up just to have Blaine pull him back, having him sit in between his legs, resting against his front. “No. I wish I did. They found out because my dad had a friend working at NYU admissions. I didn't know that was part of the reason I got in.” Blaine said bitterly, his hands resting on Kurt's chest, pressing his lips to the back of his head. “My parents ended up coming to my apartment and I was bombarded with all these questions and my mom broke down crying because she was scared for me...” He added, trailing off, looking into the distance. How could he tell Kurt this?

“My job was so dangerous... But that's what I wanted, I didn't care about that.” He admitted quietly, deciding to just say it. Kurt wanted to know. “Wait... You wanted a dangerous job... That's why you got into firefighting?” He asked, sounding confused and scared, making Blaine take a few deep breaths to collect himself. He's never talked about this before. “When I was thinking of what to do with the rest of my life I thought about something manly, noble and dangerous...” He began, lifting up a hand in front of Kurt, holding up his finger. “Manly, to impress my dad” A second finger popped up. “Noble to make me feel good about myself for doing something to help people” His third finger popped up, eyes closing as he rested his forehead against the back of Kurt's head. “And dangerous… So my death wouldn't come across as a suicide” He mumbled, hearing Kurt gasp in front of him. “Blaine...” Kurt whispered, tears coming to his eyes. “So you joined firefighting because it was manly and if you died... It would be a win win?” He asked, bringing Blaine's hand to his lips, tears streaming down his cheek. “To put it harshly. Yes. I... I'm sorry you had to hear that.” Blaine told him truthfully, feeling Kurt's tears hit his hand, sliding down his wrist. “No… Don't apologize for your past. It made you who you are.” Kurt insisted, pressing kisses to his boyfriend's fingers. “A coward who is still afraid of his father and hated for being gay and not having a 'real' job.” Blaine grumbled, rolling his eyes. Kurt turned around to face his boyfriend. “Blaine Anderson you look at me!” He said sternly, grabbing his chin. “You were, are, and always will be the bravest man I know.” Blaine opened his eyes slowly, glossy from unshed tears. “You went through so much. You risked your life to save a woman and her daughter... Don't you ever say you're a coward!”

Blaine shrugged pitifully. “You called me one...” Kurt gulped, eyes scanning Blaine's sad face. “That's right. I did. And I'm sorry... It’s proven we only really hurt the ones we love. I was just so angry at you for not being true to who you are.” He told Blaine softly, his hand caressing his cheek. “Had I known... All this, I wouldn't have even thought that.” Blaine nodded, nuzzling into Kurt's hand, craving his touch. “Which is why I wasn't mad, you didn't know. I don't even know why I brought that up, that was stupid.” He mumbled, seeing Kurt shake his head, smiling softly. “We have to be honest with each other. No more secrets.” Kurt ran a hand through Blaine's curls; his boyfriend closed his eyes in peace, a smirk on his face. “There are some I can't tell you though.. For good purpose... But there is one I'll tell you now.” Blaine peeked his eye open, chuckling at the adoring smile on Kurt's face, waiting. “Let’s move in together. Officially.” He said with confidence, not wanting to spend any more time away from Kurt than he has to. “Oh my God, are you serious?” Kurt asked, seeing Blaine nod happily. “The pain pills haven't gotten to you, have they?” He wondered, seeing Blaine laugh loudly, arms wrapping around Kurt’s waist, holding him close. “No… Maybe, but no. I've been thinking about this. After I get out we can pick where and then I would like to move in by the end of March, beginning of April.” Kurt giggled, nodding excitedly. “I love that... I love you.” He said softly, pecking Blaine's lips. “I love you too.”

End Notes: I am SO terribly sorry for yet another late update! I've been busy with work and I was also trying to finish the last of my chapters before sending them off to my lovely Beta who never fails to make me smile! She does such a great job! So you have gotten another story from Blaine's past. With the suggestion from a fantastic reader of mine, I made his decision to be a firefighter very dark. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, I thought it was something different and I'm glad I took it into consideration and toyed around with it! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! I have completed this story and am excited to say that there will be a sequel. It's currently in the works and I have some really great things planned out! I'm VERY excited!Please review and let me know what you think! Thank you for all your amazing reviews on the last chapter! You readers are seriously the best!

Comments

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Great chapter. I for one appreciate the longer chapters like you write.I've the dark backstory- it fits so well into this plot

Great chapter. I for one appreciate the longer chapters like you write.I've the dark backstory- it fits so well into this plot

Great chapter. I for one appreciate the longer chapters like you write.I've the dark backstory- it fits so well into this plot

I'm so glad you liked it!!! Thank you so much for your review!<3 :) it means so much to me!