Crazy, stupid, and reckless that’s all it was Kurt told himself as he watched the other boy mindlessly wander the small study. He wasn’t sure how it had happened.
Yes he had felt some attraction to the boy before him when he’d first seen him earlier that day, but he was aware that it had been mostly physical. Yet now, now Kurt felt it shifting into something more, which was crazy.
It was crazy, stupid, and reckless.
He knew it.
He knew it was crazy, to fall for someone so quickly, stupid to wish those feelings would someday be reciprocated, and reckless (because relationships at Dalton had a tendency of ending in tragedy). Unfortunately Kurt no longer knew how to push those feelings away.
Not after everything that had just happened.
Everything he’d just heard.
*flashback*
“You realize you will eventually have to go back out there?” Kurt had asked as he slightly rolled his neck. His neck was stiff and his back felt sore from slumping on the ground. He briefly wondered why he hadn’t sat in one of the wooden chairs neatly tucked into the table in the corner of the room, but he already knew the answer. Those chairs provided a distance Kurt didn’t really want.
Blaine only nodded mutely.
He was leaned against one of the tall dusty bookshelves in the abandoned study. Kurt watched as he threw his head back in frustration and exhaled slowly.
A faint feeling of agitation surged through Blaine. It had been a long day filled with mixed emotions and Blaine dreaded the fact that the day wasn’t over yet.
He eventually looked up and Kurt grinned pleasantly.
“I’m sorry. You must be bored out of your mind. You’re probably wondering why you locked yourself in here with me.” Blaine said chuckling wearily as he ran a hand through his hair.
“It’s just…I’m just-” his smile fell and his face twisted.
Kurt was amazed by how quickly he tried to compose himself, smiling weakly before the dropping his gaze in obvious distress and discomfort.
Kurt watched him anxiously, unsure if he should say something or simply wait for him to figure out what he needed to say. The silence really was killing him.
He watched as Blaine strode towards the vast black gridded window beside the bookshelf, his fingers drummed on the windowsill as he watched the tall trees along the Academy walls sway gracefully with the wind.
Kurt was just about to say something when Blaine spoke.
“I’m just not ready to go out there yet,” he’d said, his voice barely a whisper.
Kurt had nodded. “I get it, do you uh-”
“Do you need some time alone? I can leave if you need me to.” He’d asked as he wearily slid up from against the wall.
When Blaine didn’t respond Kurt tentatively made his way across the room to the other boy.
Blaine’s eyes were fixed on the setting sun, the warm orange and pink glow illuminating the sky, as well as his watery eyes.
“I hate feeling this way, but it’s all so real now,” Blaine said faintly.
He watched as the boy tilted his head back, desperately trying to fight the burning tears in his eyes.
Kurt leaned against the window and waited for him to continue.
It didn’t take long.
“I guess I just hate how much it’s all sinking in. Before I used to tell myself I was crazy. I mean it was scary to think I was capable of-“ he winced, “of murder because I’ve never hurt anyone. I always bit my tongue, held it in, but it all makes sense now. There’s always been something within me. Something dark and twisted that told me I wanted to kill my father but I fought it, then there was Artie. The same thing happened with him. How did I not see the pattern?” Blaine asked shaking his head
“When I found out who he really was and why he was with me I hated him. I hated him so much that I-” he laughed bitterly. “Well I made him get lost before I did anything stupid but I wanted to, oh god I so wanted to hurt him.” Blaine said angrily.
“I get it, I can help you.” Kurt said gently placing his hand on Blaine’s shoulder.
“Really? Can you? Can anyone? Do you know what it feels like to not know what you’re capable of? To no longer know who you are, or what you are?” Blaine asked voice raised: panicked.
Kurt knew he was fighting something deep within himself, his hands trembling.
He turned away from the window, away from Kurt, shrugging Kurt’s hand off his shoulder.
Kurt sighed as his hand fell to his side.
Once again they were both quiet.
“Do you really think I can’t help you? That I don’t know what you’re going through?” Kurt asked.
“Because I do, more than I’d ever like to admit” he said voice faltering.
Blaine didn’t answer he only stood there, his back to Kurt.
“I’d never even gotten into a fight. I had a bit of a temper but I was never aggressive. It was my sixteenth birthday, it was late, and I was still in school for glee club. I went back to my locker to get something and the next thing I knew I was being shoved onto my locker by some jock. I lost it. I followed him to the locker room and began screaming at him.” Kurt wrapped his arms around himself as he spoke; he hated reliving what he’d done. “I pushed him around a bit, when he fell on the ground I stood over him and it was at that point that I realized I could hurt him without even touching him. I didn’t really question it. I was so swept up in the moment, in the terror in his eyes.” Kurt stopped and took a shaky breath. “I remember watching him squirm in pain, and grinning, as he apologized over and over again. I was consumed with this feeling of deep satisfaction. At this point I lost myself. I was consumed by it. I was finally getting that revenge I’d always craved. There were so many people in my life that had hurt me and like you I had fought the urge to hurt them, but in that moment I let myself take it all out on him. It was exhilarating, to the point where I nearly blanked out. It was like I was no longer there. I allowed something within me to takeover. When I came back around I was being slammed onto a tile wall. There was blood on my hands, on the floor, on his face. If Rachel hadn’t been there, if she hadn’t been watching me I know I would have killed him.” Kurt said guiltily.
He wasn’t sure when Blaine had turned to face him, but he was now watching him intently, his expression unreadable.
“I know what it’s like to hate yourself and your every thought. The fear, the anger, the disgust, it’s normal. In comparison you have nothing to be ashamed of because you can somewhat control your action but you may never really control your thoughts. You’re a demon and that means…”Blaine had stopped listening he blinked rapidly.
“I’m a what?” he asked incredulity fear flashing in his eyes. “Did you say I’m a demon?”
Kurt looked up suddenly petrified. He nodded slowly.
“I- I thought you knew. I figured that’s why you ran out. Didn’t Smithe tell you?”
Blaine shook his head. His face filled with fear. He suddenly looked extremely tired, queasy, and just about ready to pass out. “No. Not exactly.”
“Oh god. I’m sorry. I-I should go and get Smithe so you can talk and um f-figure everything out.” Kurt stuttered as he backed away, mentally berating himself for being so insensitive.
What had he done? What had he gotten himself involved in?
“What? No!” Blaine made to reach for Kurt’s arm, but Kurt, instinctually alarmed, jerked back.
“Sorry.” Blaine said anxiously “Please don’t go, I’m okay.”
“No, I should really get Smithe.” Kurt said worriedly.
Blaine stood in front of Kurt, instantly blocking the door.
“What is it with you people and doing whatever you want! I said I’m fine. I don’t need you to go,” he shouted.
Kurt only stood there stunned.
A horrified look crept upon Blaine’s face “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. It’s just that I-” he paused, mouth still open with unspoken words fighting to come out. He pursed his lips, eyebrows knitting closer as he tried to phrase the million things he needed to say.
He tried again “I’ve been pushed around a lot, particularly today, and I think it’s my turn to decide what I want. All I’m really asking is that you please” -his voice trembled as he stressed the word please- “please don’t go. Not yet anyhow. I don’t know what it is but there’s something about you that calms me. It’s like you still all the terrifying things that live within me, and if you leave I don’t know what I’ll do. I just-. I need you,” he confessed.
Kurt only stood there wide-eyed.
It was heartbreaking how vulnerable the other boy was, when his eyes met Kurt’s he couldn’t help but smile.
He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him, and tell him he’d be there as long as he needed. Instead he simply smiled.
The boy brokenly smiled back.
All the feelings Kurt had tried to ignore were getting harder to push away. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help it, he was falling for the boy that stood before him.
This boy: with a bruised face, loose curls, and the most expressive eyes Kurt had ever encountered, was bound to drive him mad.
Blaine shifted uncomfortably as the weight of what he had just said hit him.
“I realize that must have sounded creepy. You barely know me and I- what I meant was that-uh I need you to help me not that I-”
Kurt put his hands up, “Stop. I’ll stay with you as long as you need me to,” he reassured.
Blaine’s shoulders automatically fell from their rigid state. He smiled weakly. “You don’t have to.” He said shyly
Kurt didn’t argue he simply went back to his spot on the floor and smiled up at Blaine.
*End of flashback*
Kurt hadn’t known it but he needed this just as much as Blaine.
No one had ever wanted him before, much less needed him, and the fact that someone had begged him to stay despite the circumstance, seemed revolutionary.
As he watched the boy pace the room he realized he couldn’t leave him.
Not now, not ever.
There was something about him that made Kurt want to stay forever.
**
Braxton Fabray loved his wife.
He’d come from a wealthy and extremely powerful family. There were secrets, stories passed down from generation to generation. He never wanted to believe them, but the way his family greedily watched Emily led him to one conclusion: he would not have children.
She never protested. Emily was beautiful with fair skin and golden hair. She was passionate, driven, a journalist. Braxton loved that about her. When he told her he never wanted children she reluctantly agreed. He never told her why. He simply pointed out that with their careers any child of theirs would be neglected.
Time passed.
Pressure began to build.
She made the decision one sunny day as she watched him play with his colleague’s children.
She never thought it would anger him. After all he seemed to want a child as much as she did now. She was ready to settle down, ready to raise one of her own.
His reaction crushed her. She had expected shock maybe even fear, but never anger.
He begged for an abortion, and she, in a devastated and confused state, threatened to leave.
This was when he told her all he knew.
The reason their family was so well off.
She called him crazy and left.
He did the one thing he swore he’d never do. He went back to his family searching for answers. He would find his wife, bring her to them, and make her understand that a child with him could be dangerous and not just for the world but for her.
With what seemed like good reason she avoided him, moving in with her parents, cutting him out of her life.
Seven months later he received a phone call.
It was a girl.
Her name was Quinn.
His heart fluttered with hope.
Maybe he’d been wrong.
He was the second generation often it was the third or fourth generation that grew to have some dark and powerful force that no one could explain.
Perhaps her generation had been spared after all there were no female demons, however the next words that came through the phone made his heart drop.
His wife had not made it.
It had been a hard and painful pregnancy, and Emily Fabray was dead.
Quinn was all he had left.
**
Finn laughed and whooped obnoxiously loud as he scored another point at the foosball table
Sam’s eyes darted the crowded common room where they were lounging around. It was close to dinnertime and Kurt hadn’t returned.
“Relax there aren’t many places he could of run off to, he’s stuck at Dalton.” Puck quipped in a bored voice.
Sam sighed in frustration and ran a hand over his face. He slowly sunk into the brown leather couch behind him and closed his eyes.
“I just thought he’d be back by now,” he muttered, his eyes remained shut.
If it had been any other day Puck would have teased him for worrying about Kurt, (the funny looking gay boy at Dalton that Puck had to admit was overwhelmingly powerful), but lately Sam looked so helpless, that even Puck felt sorry for him.
He knew what it felt like because less than a year ago he had been in the same position.
The last month was the worst, every conversation he’d had it’d always seemed like people were walking on eggshells around him, always careful and gentle.
Puck had hated it, and now he realized it was the same for Sam.
They all knew Sam’s time was slipping away, which made everyone extremely uncomfortable so people did their best to either avoid the topic, or sugarcoat it.
However Puck knew their sympathetic glances, and constant loss of words only led to an even greater awareness of just how serious the situation was for Sam.
Puck saw how much it frustrated Sam, even angered him to the point of hostility, or worse aggression towards his friends. Unfortunately this only led to them thinking Sam had completely lost control and people grew to be even more careful around Sam.
I had all become this vicious cycle that Puck wished would end.
That’s when Puck realized he could be the one to break it
He abruptly stood up and glared at Sam.
“Get up, we are going to find your boyfriend.”
Sam groaned.
“Shut up he isn’t my-“ Sam’s gaze flew up, he stopped when he saw the stupid smirk on Pucks face, and Puck’s hand extended towards him.
“Chill. I’m just sick of watching you mope around and to be honest I’m kind of worried about him too.” Puck said shrugging, his eyes softening a bit.
“Do you really know where he is?” Sam asked eyeing Puck.
Unlike Sam, and the rest of the underage Dalton Boys Puck wasn’t required to wear the usual white polo with the Dalton patch, or their standard black pants.
Technically Puck was no longer a student at Dalton. He, like Finn, and the other watchers, mentors, and seekers, were still at Dalton to continue learning, and help Smithe in the ongoing fight against other oppressive demons.
Since Puck wasn’t a student he was allowed to walk around in black jeans, and a dark v-necked Tee, the only evidence that he belonged to Dalton was their standard boots and the silver Dalton dogtag around his neck.
Sam eyed him, then wearily took Pucks hand and stood up from the couch.
Puck turned, a cocky grin plastered on his face.
“Let’s just hope we don’t find him cheating on you because I’m pretty sure the other guy he’s with is just as gay as the two of you.” He muttered.
Sam shoved him and Puck turned to see his slightly bemused scowl.
This was the Sam they’d lost.
Sam was about to ask if Kurt was actually with someone else when Finn stopped them.
“Hey, where are you two going?” Finn asked as he leaned against the foosball table, his arms crossed across his broad chest.
“If you must know we’re just going to find the lost boy.” Puck stated sarcastically as he crossed the room.
“What lost boy?” a booming female voice asked from the common room doors.
Puck and the rest of the boys turned to see Rachel, Santana, and Quinn standing in the doorway.
“Babe?”
“Hi Finn” Rachel said skipping over to him and kissing him on the cheek. Finn enveloped her in his arms grinning smugly at her gesture.
Puck forced himself to look away. They were sickening.
To think he’d once fought with Finn over her. He blamed the possessive gene within him for that mistake.
Sam motioned for them to leave the room but Santana in her white Dalton polo and slick black pants slid in front of them.
“Oh hell no. You are not leaving me with those two. Wherever you’re going, I want in.”
“Me too.” Quinn said avoiding their gaze.
Santana looked her up and down, clearly annoyed then turned back to them.
“ So where are we going again?” she asked her dark ponytail swinging.
“We were just going to find Kurt.” Puck said through gritted teeth.
A group scavenger hunt wasn’t what he had had in mind. In fact, he was going against Smithe’s orders by interfering, but the truth was he didn’t trust the new kid, and he didn’t like that Kurt had been with him for hours now.
“Kurt? He’s missing? What? What happened?” Rachel asked in an exaggeratingly worried tone as she pushed Finn away.
Before he had time to reply she was already marching ahead of them.
“Come on lets go find him. You can explain it all on the way.”
She turned to them expectantly motioning for him to lead the way.
“What? No. We are not going to hunt him down in a little posse.” Puck said flatly.
Rachel glared at him. “You sure about that?” she asked challengingly. Her warm brown eyes, fixed with his, rapidly darkened. Puck shivered. He wasn’t sure what she was doing but he didn’t like it.
“Fine, whatever let’s go.”
They all left the common room and headed towards Smithe’s office, all of them falling into groups as they walked in silence.
“Sorry about Rachel” Finn said as he caught up to Puck.
It’s cool dude.” Puck said dismissively.
“I was actually starting to worry about him too, he just sort of disappeared this afternoon.”
Puck didn’t respond.
“Did you mean what you said about that new kid being gay?”
“How’d you know he was with-“
Finn cut him off eyebrow raised. “How did I know? I heard everything you said, which reminds me, you should really lay off Sam. I mean he’s going through a hard time right now.”
Puck turned back and glanced at Sam who was trailing behind everyone, lost in thought.
He shook his head. “I don’t, but you do. Everyone treats him like he’s already doomed but you’re not doing him any favors by treating him differently. If anything it’s just a reminder that he could die. He’s not some lost cause. We made it didn’t we? Who’s to say he won’t?” Puck stated irritably.
Finn turned away guiltily. “I guess I just can’t tease him when I know he could be dead in the next couple of days.”
Puck’s stomach dropped “…yeah well like I said you shouldn’t think that way.”
Once again, they were quiet.
Finally Finn cleared his throat “So uh you never answered my question, the new kid with the beaten face. He’s the reason you and the other guys kept leaving right? Is he really gay or were you just messing with Sam when you said that?”
Puck smirked “We’re not supposed to talk about it, but let’s just say, I saw him sneak into gay bars every once and a while.”
Finns eyes widened and Puck laughed, but suddenly, their laughter and low chatter all died down at once.
They all came to a halt, each turning their heads around the hallway.
“They’re here.” Sam, Puck, and Finn said in unison.
**
Blaine was sitting on the floor again, only this time he was sitting in front of Kurt. His knees were bent and he was hugging them to his chest as he watched the other boy speak.
It was funny, they technically didn’t even know each other names, but were already discussing their lives, their fears, everything.
Blaine hadn’t lied when he’d said there was something about him that instantly put him at ease.
He didn’t know how to explain it but from the moment he’d laid eyes on the pale, blue eyed boy, with delicate cherry-pink lips, on the field that afternoon, he’d known there was something incredibly unique about him.
He hadn’t been the first boy to ever spark his interest, but he’d definitely been the most memorable. Especially when he took into account that most of that tour had been a complete daze.
They had each been so lost in their conversation that when the door burst open and an eerily familiar looking boy with a fohawk stepped in, they both jumped up in alarm.
“You?” Blaine growled as he recognized the boy from the alley.
“Move! I want to see Kurt!” a shrill voice said pushing the boy aside.
In stepped a small mousey brown haired girl.
“Rachel?”
“Yes, now what is going on here Kurt? Who’s he?” the girl asked tentatively.
Her brown almond shaped eyes nervously shifted from Blaine to the boy Blaine now realized was named Kurt.
He was suddenly aware that he was standing in front of Kurt, and was crouched in a seemingly protective manner.
He felt a timid hand on his shoulder.
“It’s okay. They’re my friends.” Kurt whispered.
Blaine relaxed and nodded stepping aside.
“What are you two doing here?” Kurt demanded.
The tall boy ran a hand through his hair. “Sam and I-“
“Sam?” Kurt raised an eyebrow. As if on cue a blond haired boy hesitantly walked in the door, his hands in his pockets, and his head down, two others shortly followed him in.
“Yeah, and Finn, Santana and-“
“Quinn.” Blaine said breathlessly as Quinn Fabray walked through the door.
They all turned to look at him.
“Blaine?” she said faintly, her familiar jade eyes wide with wonder, and confusion.
His eyes swept over her in the same black tights and white polo most of the others seemed to be in.
“What are you doing here?” He asked.
“I could ask you the very same question.”