June 4, 2012, 11:43 a.m.
There's all kinds of courage.: Chapter 48
E - Words: 1,735 - Last Updated: Jun 04, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 48/? - Created: Sep 20, 2011 - Updated: Jun 04, 2012 599 0 3 0 0
Puck kept sneaking glances at the boy beside him. He hated silences like this, but so far he'd managed to avoid blurting out any number of inappropriate comments. He should have realized it was too good to last; if only he'd been the one to go get the pizza instead of Carole, then he wouldn't be in this position.
He risked another quick sideways glance at Blaine, inwardly wincing at the sight of his face. He'd not really seen the other boy's injuries so close before and now that he could, he wished he hadn't. How someone could hit someone already so badly injured was beyond him. Talk about kicking a dog while they're down, I mean… Jesus, and from what Kurt had said, it was his own father that had done it. Now Puck knew what it was like to have an asshole for a dad, but this was a whole other level of douchebaggery. It was this feeling that prompted him to say something, something only seconds later he wished he hadn't.
"So your dad sounds like a jerk."
Blaine started like he'd been slapped. Puck wasn't sure he'd even known he was there until he'd spoken, and as he turned fear-filled eyes in his direction he found himself swallowing nervously.
"I mean…you know," he said, gesturing at Blaine's swollen lip and the blood on his shirt. In a daze, the other boy looked down at where Puck was indicating, taking in the bloodstain that covered the front of his shirt. He took in a sharp ragged breath. Without even thinking about it, Puck reached out a hand and placed it on his shoulder, trying to offer some form of comfort. Blaine at first started to pull away from his hand, but when Puck heard his breathing get even more ragged and uneven he refused to take his hand away, instead using it to gently tug the smaller boy down until he was resting his head on his shoulder. Blaine seemed to resist for a second longer and then it was like something inside him unlocked and Puck found himself wrapping his other arm around the boy as he sobbed into his shoulder.
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Kurt practically ran upstairs to grab a clean shirt, using the opportunity to use the bathroom, and as he washed his hands he was shocked at his appearance in the mirror. Sure he'd always been pale, hence the nickname 'Porcelain', but he actually looked like a ghost right now. Turning away from the mirror, he quickly dried his hands and jogged back down the stairs, anxious to get back to his boyfriend.
As he went to walk back into the room where he'd left Blaine he stopped in shock. Blaine was clearly sobbing, held tightly in the arms of one of his former bullies. Puck's worried eyes met his over the curly head of his boyfriend.
"Dude, thank god," he said, speaking to Kurt. "I think….I think I broke him…."
Kurt felt a momentary flash of rage at the mohawked boy, before common sense kicked in and he realized that this wasn't Puck's fault. In fact, it was actually a good thing. Zombie-Blaine had been starting to scare him.
He took a seat on the other side of his sobbing boyfriend and put a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"Blaine." The word was spoken quietly, but the second it left his mouth he found his arms full of a weeping Blaine as he let go of Puck and instead buried his head in Kurt's shoulder. And part of Kurt was pleased. He'd wanted to do this for so long, to be able to comfort his boyfriend and show him that he was there for him. But he'd been scared to touch him, worried at how Blaine would react. As wrong as it was, it felt so right.
He was vaguely aware of Puck standing up and leaving the room, leaving the two of them alone, but he kept his eyes on the broken boy in his arms.
Kurt wasn't sure how long it took, he didn't really care, but after a while he felt Blaine start to relax in his arms, the quiet sobs subsiding gradually. Eventually they stopped and Blaine pulled away from Kurt's embrace. Kurt let him go but kept one arm wrapped around his shoulder, unwilling to relinquish this new found intimacy that Blaine was allowing.
"I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I think we should," he said softly, gently reaching up to brush the loose curls away from his boyfriend's forehead.
He felt Blaine tense up beside him and was worried that maybe he shouldn't have said anything after all.
"Please Blaine, let me in…..just a little bit," Kurt pleaded. Blaine glanced up at him before quickly averting his eyes.
"I'm scared."
The words were barely whispered, but they sent a jolt of pain through Kurt's body none-the-less.
"What are you scared of, Blaine?" Kurt asked. Not that he didn't think Blaine had anything to be scared of, the list was endless, actually. It was just that he didn't know which of those things Blaine was referring to.
"Of what will happen if I do let you in." Kurt closed his eyes in pain.
"I'm scared that if you really knew what happened, if you know what I am, what I've done….then…"
"Then what, Blaine? You think anything you say will change the way I feel about you? I will never stop loving you. Nothing will change that…."
"It did for him." Blaine's head was down but Kurt was almost glad he couldn't see the pain in his eyes, because his anguish-filled words were enough.
"Him? You mean your dad?"
A barely perceptible nod was the only answer.
Kurt felt his temper rising at the thought of Blaine's father. Things had been going well, Blaine had shown signs of being able to get over this and then his father had to go and ruin everything.
"Your father's an asshole, Blaine, and I don't blame you for hating him. That's all he deserves."
"Except I don't," Blaine mumbled.
Kurt stayed silent, deciding to let Blaine speak at his own pace.
"I don't hate him. He's my dad…I …I love him. I'd love him no matter what. That's why I don't understand." Kurt had never heard his boyfriend sound so young.
"Am I that horrible? Did I deserve this?" He turned tear-filled eyes on Kurt then.
"No, of course not," Kurt's voice was gentle but he felt anything but. "Nobody deserves this, but especially not you. You're so sweet and kind and good and if your dad can't see that then that's his problem. He doesn't deserve to have you as a son if he can't appreciate that. You deserve better than that."
"But I don't want better than that, I want him. He wasn't always like this you know. When I was a kid we used to have loads of fun. He'd take me fishing and camping and all the clich� father-son stuff, then I came out and it just all changed."
Kurt was silent again, not sure what to say to comfort his boyfriend, his anger at Mr. Anderson too strong just to ignore, but at the same time he didn't want to upset him anymore.
"Look at me, Blaine," he said eventually. Blaine hesitantly raised his eyes until they met his.
Kurt took both of his boyfriend's hands in his. "I'm sorry okay?"
You have nothing to apologize for," Blaine frowned at him.
"I'm sorry that your dad can't accept you, but there's nothing I can do to change that."
"I don't…."
"But what I can do is make you a promise."
Blaine eyes crinkled in confusion.
"I promise that nothing you say to me will make me reject you. Nothing."
"You can't promise that." Blaine tried to turn his head away.
"Try me." Kurt's voice was firm and Blaine turned apprehensive eyes back on him.
"You mean….?"
"Yes, I want you to tell me everything. Everything that happened that night."
"I don't know if I can do that," Blaine admitted, and Kurt could see the fear in his eyes.
"I need you to do it, for us," Kurt said carefully. He didn't want to seem like he was pressuring the scared boy but he knew this was something they both needed. If they didn't do this, then there was no moving forward, no getting over this. Blaine needed to know that what Kurt was telling him was true, otherwise it would always be another dark cloud hanging over them and he would always be waiting for the day that Kurt would walk away from him.
Blaine looked down again, clearly torn as to what to do. When he looked back up after what seemed like a lifetime, Kurt could see he'd made his decision. There was still a lot of fear in the look he gave him, but also a new look of determination as well.
"Okay," he nodded. Kurt couldn't help himself. The relief he felt at those words caused him to lean forward and capture his boyfriend's lips in a gentle kiss, mindful of the reopened injury there.
When he pulled back he saw a flash of pain cross the other boy's face that made him feel guilty for giving into the impulse, but it was quickly replaced with a sweet smile. A small reminder of the Blaine that Kurt knew.
"Can we go somewhere more private, though?" he asked.
"Of course. We'll go to my room," Kurt said, standing up from the couch without letting go of the other boy's hands. He gently pulled him up so that they stood facing each other.
"Are you sure you want to do this now?" he asked.
"Yes. I think you're right. I need to do this. I just…," Blaine trailed off.
"What?" Kurt prompted gently.
"I just hope I'm strong enough to." Blaine flushed in embarrassment at his admission.
"I have no doubt that you are" Kurt told him, and he believed it was true. What he wasn't so sure of though was whether he himself was strong enough to hear it. Still, he'd gotten them to this point, so there was no backing out now.
"Let's go," he said, and he led his boyfriend towards the stairs. Each step sent a nervous flutter through his stomach, but he knew there was no turning back now.
Comments
Oh my god, I just read all of this in one sitting. It's so sad! But so well written. Well done! I can't wait to read more!
Hey there,I've started reading your story a while ago on FF net and just got here to stay tuned. I am soooo looking forward to read the next chapter and to see how it turns out when Blaine talks to Kurt. I really hope that sharing the things that happened in the night they were attacked will help him to recover. And I also hope that Kurt will be strong enough to bear these things.WELL DONE!
Can't wait for your next chapter. Hope all is going well with the baby and that you are managing to get some sleep :-)