June 4, 2012, 11:43 a.m.
There's all kinds of courage.: Chapter 43
E - Words: 2,120 - Last Updated: Jun 04, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 48/? - Created: Sep 20, 2011 - Updated: Jun 04, 2012 158 0 0 0 0
"Can I talk to Blaine alone?" she asked. Kurt shot her a disgruntled look, but the diva would just have to suck it up. What she was about to say wasn't something she did very often and she really didn't want an audience.
"Sure," Blaine said standing. "Let's go in the kitchen."
Brittany went over and sat down in Blaine's vacant seat.
"Ooooh …Grey's Anatomy," she said, registering what was on the television. "I never get to watch this at home. Lord Tubbington doesn't like hospital dramas. I think it reminds him of when we had him neutered."
Blaine led Santana into the kitchen where they both sat down at the counter. Neither of them spoke at first, and Santana could tell that Blaine was waiting for her to say something. She took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes.
"I'm sorry." Wow, that was actually a lot easier than she'd expected.
Blaine still sat there in silence, just looking at her with those damn puppy dog eyes of his. He obviously wanted more from her than just two words. Typical.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't keep your secret. I should have kept my mouth shut. I just...it was eating me up inside and I know that sounds incredibly selfish, because it is, but...," she was starting to think maybe she should have just left it at those first two words because this was just awkward. "I was really worried about you."
Blaine finally reacted to what she was saying, and he seemed stunned by that final sentence. Was she really that much of a bitch? That he couldn't imagine her caring enough about anyone to be worried? No, that wasn't it, she thought, studying him. It wasn't about her. It was him. He found it hard to believe she cared that much about him. Wow… he really was screwed up. If they were both straight he'd make the perfect boyfriend. She could really use that insecurity to manipulate him any way she wanted, but as it was, well, it just made her sad.
"I'm a bit pissed off that you basically told New Directions," Blaine said, not really looking at her, "but you know what? It's fine." He seemed really worn out as he said it, as though he just couldn't be bothered to be angry at her anymore.
"Don't do that," she snapped at him.
"Do what?" Blaine's eyebrows almost touched his hairline in surprise at the tone of her voice. Wow, those things looked just like triangles. Strange how she'd never noticed that before. She was getting distracted.
"Letting me off so easily. You're entitled to be angry, Blaine. Hell, if it was me, I'd be raging."
"Well, you're not me," Blaine responded, and she was pleased to see that he actually seemed a little irritated now. It was strange, really. She'd been terrified that he'd be angry at her when she tried to apologize, but here she was deliberately trying to get that reaction out of him. Maybe she didn't like seeing anyone who'd had all the fight beaten out of them. It was nice to see he still had a spark of it somewhere inside him.
"To be honest, Santana, of all the things that have been said and done to me these last few days, what you did pales in comparison."
Santana winced at that, trying not to picture the horrific marks she'd seen on his body, the same ones that haunted her dreams.
"Look," Blaine continued, "it was unfair of me to ask you to keep it to yourself. I just...I wasn't ready for anyone to know then."
"And you're okay with them knowing now?" Santana asked the question without thinking and saw the way Blaine flinched. Clearly she'd touched a nerve.
"Honestly?" Blaine sighed. "No, not really. I'd be quite happy if noone ever had to find out, but you weren't the only reason people found out. It was inevitable, really."
"Well, I'm still sorry, and I hope we can still be friends." Blaine looked as shocked by her comment as she was. Friends? Really? What was it about this boy that brought out her mothering instinct? God, was she going soft? Sure, what he'd been through was awful, but it was more than just sympathy she was feeling. My god, she actually liked the little hobbit.
"We're friends?" Blaine asked incredulously.
"Yes, we're friends." Santana punched him in the upper arm to prove her point, but felt bad when she saw him wince.
"Sorry, did I hit a bruise?" she asked, concerned.
"No." Blaine grinned at her. "You just pack a solid punch."
"Guess that answers the question of which one of you is the girl in your relationship." Santana knew the comment was incredibly offensive, but that's what she was known for, and a leopard could only change so many of their spots. She made sure she smiled as she said it though, to take some of the sting out of the words.
"Well, lets' go join the others before you feel the urge to hit me again." Blaine smiled at her as he got up from his seat and offered her his hand to help her up.
He really was amazing, after everything he'd been through he was still such a gentleman. She didn't know many of those.
She took his offered hand and stood up. She looked at him for a single heartbeat before deciding 'why the hell not' and asking him something else.
"Can I give you a hug?"
He looked like a deer that had been caught in the headlights before giving her a small nod.
She reached her arms around his surprisingly muscular shoulders, careful not to squeeze too tightly. At first he tensed up but she smiled in relief as she felt him relax and bring his own arms up to hug her back.
"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to...," Finn's unmistakable voice came from the doorway.
They let go of each other quickly, and Santana took a step back before turning to look at the taller boy.
"Santana?" Finn looked at her like he'd caught her sleeping with his mom, which come to think of it, was probably more likely than what he'd actually walked in on.
"What, Lurch?" Santana felt much more like herself now she had someone to pick on. "We'd better get back in there," she said, indicating where the other two were. "I wouldn't want Kurt to think I'd run away with his boy toy." With those words, she sashayed out of the room letting the boys follow in her wake.
Just as it should be.
Luckily nobody commented on the fact that both hers and Blaine's eyes were shiny with unshed tears.
Brittany and Kurt scooted up so that they could join them on the sofa and Finn sat in the armchair across from them and they all pretended to watch TV for a while. Every now and then, Santana felt the need to look over and check on Blaine. Funnily enough, everyone else seemed to be doing the same thing at one point or another. It was nice to see how many people cared, and from the little smiles Blaine kept shooting them, she knew he must feel that way too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blaine felt uncomfortable. He could tell everyone was looking at him, and while it had been nice to find out that Santana saw him as a friend, he wasn't used to this many people showing him concern. He made sure to smile every now and then so that everyone could see he was okay.
Glancing down at his watch he almost jumped out of his seat in shock.
"What's the matter?" Kurt asked, seeing his distress.
"I have to get going, otherwise I'll be late for dinner," Blaine explained, getting up and glancing at the door frantically.
"Just stay here for dinner," Finn said, looking confused at his panic.
"No, no I can't do that." As much as Blaine wanted to, he didn't want to risk upsetting his dad anymore, since doing that just made everyone's lives more difficult. "My dad wanted us to have a family dinner, so I can't miss it."
"Your dad's back?" Finn asked. Blaine just nodded, already heading towards the door.
"Wait, wait," Brittany surprised him by running to catch up with him.
He stopped at the door, his hand already on the handle.
"I have something I wanted to give you," Brittany said a little shyly. She reached into the ridiculously large bag she had in her hand and pulled out the cutest teddy bear Blaine had ever seen in his life. The main reason it was so cute was because it was basically Kurt in bear form. It was wearing skin tight jeans, a dress shirt and waistcoat, and to finish it off, a pair of hi-top sneakers. It was adorable.
"I went to the mall yesterday and got it for you," Brittany said, holding the bear out to him. Blaine took it from her, and didn't really know what to say.
"It's mini-Kurt," she explained, although he knew that already. "I thought that when you get scared at night then you could cuddle this and then you won't have to feel so alone."
Blaine could barely swallow past the lump in his throat.
"Squeeze its paw," Brittany prompted, and Blaine looked at her in confusion. She just smiled sweetly back. Slightly nervously, he pressed on one of the bear's paws.
A voice came out of it, a little tinny but unmistakably Kurt's. But it wasn't just the voice that caused Blaine to let out a small sob as much as it was the word it said.
Just one word.
One little word.
But it was one that meant so much to both of them.
"Courage," the little bear said.
"Don't you like it?" Brittany said, when she saw the tears coursing down his cheeks. "I asked Kurt to record a message on it while you were in the kitchen and he thought you'd like it, but I can take it back if you want. It's stupid isn't it?" Brittany reached her hand out to take the bear back, her cheeks coloring up in embarrassment. Blaine quickly moved so the bear was out of her reach.
"It's not stupid, Brittany," he reassured her. "I love it." His voice was a little hoarse.
Brittany smiled at him then and it was the brightest thing he'd ever seen. He reached his spare arm out and pulled her into a hug. As he squeezed her against him, one of them must have pressed the bear's paw, because a muffled "courage" came out of it. They broke apart laughing a little, and when Blaine looked at the others, he wasn't surprised to see smiles on all their faces too. What did surprise him was that they all had wet eyes as well.
"I really do have to go," Blaine said, opening the door, "but thank you, Brittany."
She smiled at him and the other two waved goodbye as Kurt walked him to his car.
As they got to the car, Kurt pulled Blaine into a yet another hug, but while the others had been nice, this one felt like coming home. He was always amazed at how perfectly they fit together, like they were made to do this. Kurt broke the embrace with reluctant look on his face.
"You'd better get going, I don't want you to get in trouble with your dad," he said. "Will you be okay?" he asked as Blaine opened the driver's side door of his car.
"Yeah," Blaine smiled. "At least I'll have company," he said, smiling down at the bear in his hand. "He can give me courage."
"Sorry I stole your line," Kurt grimaced.
"Don't be," Blaine told him. "It's perfect."
Then he did something that he'd been wanting to do all day but had been too nervous to try.
He kissed Kurt.
It was only a small light touching together of lips for the briefest of moments, but it felt like a huge step in the right direction, because everything about it felt right, just like it should.
Kurt looked at him, his eyes wide in shock, just like the very first time they'd kissed. Then just like that time, he smiled and blushed.
His boyfriend stood and watched him drive away and Blaine could see him in his rearview mirror until he turned the corner at the end of the street. Once the real Kurt was out of sight, he looked back down at the teddy bear version sitting next to him. He couldn't help but grin at the sight- it was amazing how something so silly could make him feel so much better.
He drove home feeling a little lighter than when he'd left this morning.