June 4, 2012, 11:43 a.m.
There's all kinds of courage.: Chapter 41
E - Words: 1,249 - Last Updated: Jun 04, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 48/? - Created: Sep 20, 2011 - Updated: Jun 04, 2012 154 0 0 0 0
He saw the photo as he was getting some pajamas out of his dresser and it was that that had taken his breath away. He picked up the simple silver frame and sat down on his bed just staring at it.
It was their prom photo and the sight of Blaine with that huge, goofy grin on his face that just broke his heart. He heard a light knock on the door but couldn't answer, and hoped whoever it was would just go away until he had a chance to get himself back under control. No such luck. The door swung open to reveal a worried-looking Carole. As soon as she saw the look on his face, she shut the door behind her and quickly came to join him on the bed.
"Oh Kurt," she said, putting her hand on his far shoulder. He allowed his head to rest against her as he took deep shuddering breaths. "What is it, sweetie?" she said as she rubbed his arm up and down.
"I ..I just … I miss him so much Carole," Kurt said brokenly, still clutching the photo tightly in his hand.
"I know, but he'll be back in the morning." Carole tried to reassure him but Kurt shook his head. That wasn't what he meant.
"No I miss him," he said, thrusting the photo at her. She took it from him and looked down at it. She seemed confused at first, but then he saw tears well up in her eyes as she understood what he meant.
"God, I'm so selfish," Kurt sunk his head into his hands as what he'd just said dawned on him.
"It's not selfish to want someone you love to be okay, Kurt," Carole said gently.
"I just, I …I miss talking to him, seeing him smile, just messing around with him," Kurt said, his cheeks coloring. " I don't mean… messing around, messing around, just..."
"Kurt, I know what you meant." Carole smiled at him.
"It's just going to take time, that's all. What Blaine went through, what you both went through, was just… horrific." Carole's voice broke slightly on the last word.
Kurt sighed. "That's part of the problem though, I still don't really know what Blaine went through."
"He hasn't told you anything?"
"Nothing. In fact, we've barely spoken."
"He will when he's ready, but...," Carole hesitated and Kurt tried to read in her eyes what she was thinking.
"But what?" he prompted.
"Are you sure you're ready to hear it?"
"Of course I am." Kurt reacted strongly to the implication that he couldn't handle it.
"Think about it, Kurt. Your dad is one of the strongest men I've ever known and he was physically sick after hearing Blaine's statement. Do you really want to put yourself through that?"
Kurt was shocked to hear that about his dad; he hadn't known it had affected him so badly. He kept forgetting that he and Blaine weren't the only ones suffering through this… they all were. No one would come away from that night unchanged by this.
"I think I have to," he tried to explain. "How can I ever help him to heal if I don't know what actually happened? I know it's going to be hard, but not as hard as it was for Blaine to live through it. I owe it to him to listen."
Carole surprised him then by grabbing his shoulders and pulling him into a tight embrace.
"You're a good kid, Kurt." Her voice was muffled, and sounded more than a little teary, but he heard her clearly nonetheless.
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Later, when Carole was getting ready for bed, she could feel Burt's eyes on her.
"He wants to know what happened to Blaine," she said, answering the unasked question.
"He knows what happened to Blaine." Burt was frowning from where he sat against the headboard.
"Not the details though." Carole ran a brush through her hair, meeting Burt's eyes in the mirror.
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea," Burt responded. The haunted look that crossed his face showed that his own mind was running through some of those details himself.
"Me neither, but he's determined." Burt gave a small chuckle at that.
"He's always determined."
Carole smiled back. "That's a good thing."
"I know, but it sure makes things difficult sometimes."
Carole suddenly put her hair brush down on the table and face crumpling, started sobbing.
Burt was by her side in a second, pulling her into his arms and holding her while she cried.
She wasn't quite sure what brought it all on, but once she started, she found it really hard to stop. Burt pulled her to her feet and led her over to the bed. He crouched down on the floor in front of her and looked searchingly into her eyes. Carole took some deep breaths and grabbed a tissue off the night stand, blowing her nose noisily.
"Sorry about that," she said as she wiped at her eyes.
"Don't be silly." Burt smiled at her, offering her another tissue.
"I don't want Kurt to know what happened," she tried to explain, "because I don't want it to have happened. I still can't understand how something so awful could happen to two of the sweetest boys I've met. I just keep thinking about what I saw in that exam room with Blaine and it breaks my heart."
"I know what you mean," Burt spoke. "It kills me knowing what those men did. I don't want Kurt to know either, but hiding from the truth isn't going to help anyone in the long run. But in the end, it's up to Blaine. If he doesn't want to talk to Kurt about it, I'm not going to push him to. I just hope Kurt will respect that. The last thing Blaine needs right now is to feel pressured into doing anything he doesn't feel comfortable with."
"I'm sure Kurt knows that," and Carole was. As pushy as Kurt could be sometimes, he knew where to draw the line, especially when it came to Blaine.
"Do you think Blaine's okay?" she asked.
Burt shrugged and ran a weary hand over the top of his head. "I hope so," he admitted.
Carole hoped that Natalie was finally stepping up to the plate and giving Blaine the support he needed. She'd always liked Blaine, but it wasn't until all of this that she'd discovered just how much she really cared for him. She was as worried about him as she would be if he were her own son. She could only pray that his own mother cared as much.
"Let's try and get some sleep," Burt said, getting up off the floor. "Maybe things will be a little brighter in the morning."
Carole smiled as he gave her a light kiss on the cheek, but she still had a sinking feeling inside. It was hard to see the sun when there were still so many dark clouds in the way.