There's all kinds of courage.
ifonlyrhona
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There's all kinds of courage.: Chapter 23


E - Words: 1,424 - Last Updated: Jun 04, 2012
Story: Closed - Chapters: 48/? - Created: Sep 20, 2011 - Updated: Jun 04, 2012
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Blaine sat and watched whilst the whole world seemed to move around him, as decisions that affected him were made without anyone thinking to ask him.

He'd seen Carole hand a paper bag off to a police officer and he'd had to fight the urge to grab it. He knew what was in that bag, it was his clothes from that night. He wished with all his heart that he'd had a chance to burn them, maybe then none of this would be happening. Maybe then he wouldn't have to be sat here like some pathetic child whilst people kept shooting him looks that alternated between pity and disgust.

Kurt had been taken to a room with his parents to give his version of events now that he remembered, which meant that Blaine had been left alone with his mother again. He needn't have worried though as it was a repeat performance of last night. She made some small talk but never once mentioned what had happened, never even asked him if he was okay.

Whilst part of him was relieved to be left alone, he couldn't deny the fact that he was deeply hurt aswell. His mother had never been a particulary warm woman, something that had become even more apparent after he had come out. In the face of his father's anger she had withdrawn even further, she'd never liked upsetting her husband. She'd never once stood up to him on her son's behalf. Despite all that though Blaine had always known that she loved him, just that she wasn't particulary good at showing it. However the moment she ran out of Kurt's hospital room yesterday he'd begun to doubt it. Surely she should have asked him how he was doing by now, shown some concern. Even Carole, a woman he barely knew, had hugged him several times and yet his own mother seemed afraid to touch him. Or maybe it wasn't fear, maybe she really was disgusted with him like he'd always feared.

He started to pick at one of the slightly scabbed over cuts on his hand, causing it to bleed again. The slight sting of pain gave him something to focus on, so that he didn't have to deal with everything else that was going on in his head. He watched the blood well up and quickly dabbed a finger on it before someone noticed.

"Mrs Anderson" his attention was drawn to a polce woman who was stood looking at them both.

"Yes" his mom actually sounded kind of nervous.

"We wondered if whilst you were waiting Blaine could take a look through the mug shots for us".

"Yes, yes of course" his mom answered for him yet again. They followed the woman into a side room where she handed him a book with what seemed like hundreds of mug shots in. He sat down in a chair and began to leaf through it. After a few minutes the faces seemed to blur into one and he was convinced that he wouldn't be able to recognise any of the men anyway as it all got confused in his head.

He was wrong.

As he flipped over the next page it was like one of the photos lept out at him. He held his breath as familiar eyes stared out at him from the page. It was the older guy with the bald head and Blaine knew then that there was no chance he would ever forget that face, it was seared into his mind, haunted his dreams, night and day.

He lifted a shaking finger and let it rest on the photo but when he went to speak, the words wouldn't come.

"Is that him?" the poilice woman gently prodded and he managed a small nod. "Okay that's good Blaine, thankyou. Do you think you could keep looking the other suspect is in there as well."

Blaine gave another small nod and was actually relieved to be able to turn the page so that those eyes weren't burning into his soul anymore. He flicked through a few more pages before another familiar face popped out at him. Staring up at him was the face of the man who had slammed Kurt into the dumpster, he hated this one most of all.

"Him" he said shocked at the venom he heard in his own voice.

"That's great Blaine those are the two we suspected already" she went to take the book from him and he put a hand out to stop her.

"What about the other one, isn't he in there aswell?"

"No we don't think so, we haven't been able to ID him yet".

Blaine felt like he'd been punched again, he thought doing all this would mean all of those men would be locked up. But if they couldn't even find the third one what was the point. Of course it would have to be the tall one that they couldn't find because he was the one who really dominated Blaine's nightmares.

"But don't worry, I'm sure that when we arrest the other two they'll be able to tell us about the third man. You've done really well Blaine. Do you and your mom want to go back outside, the detectives will come fetch you when they're done with Kurt".

"I'm just going to the rest room" Blaine said to his mom before they sat back down in the hard plastic chairs that lined the corridor.

She just nodded, once again not meeting his eye. Blaine left her without a backward glance.

He pushed the door to the rest room open, pleased to see he was the only one in there. He walked over to the bank of sinks and turned the cold tap on. He waited until his hands were full of water and then lent over the sink and splashed the water up into his face. The cold water stung a little but he didn't mind that. Only once he'd done it a couple more times did he brave looking in the mirror. It was something he had been avoiding doing too much, seeing the damage there only made him think about the damage that you couldn't see so easily and that's where the real pain lay. He gave one small sob before he was able to control himself again. He ran the tap again but this time let the water run red hot, he put plenty of soap on his hands and started to rub his hands together under the scalding water. His hands started to turn red from the heat but he still got more soap and continued to rub them together under the tap, they weren't clean yet, he was sure of that.

He quickly turned the tap off when the door behind him swung open. He looked in the mirror to see Burt standing there. His eyes looked red rimmed as though he'd been crying and his voice sounded a little hoarse when he spoke.

"Your mom said you were in here, they're ready for you now".

"Is Kurt okay?" Blaine asked, because if Burt was upset there was no doubt in his mind that his son was probably also upset.

"No not really" Blaine appreciated that Burt was being honest with him." Carole's took him outside for some air".

Blaine grabbed a towel to dry his hands, ignoring the tingling in them.

"Would you... come in with me?" Blaine couldn't look at him as he asked the question, didn't want to see the other man's disappointment at his show of weakness.

"Your mom will be there" Burt reminded him.

"I know" Blaine said and knew he didn't need to explain why that didn't make any difference to him.

Burt didn't answer straight away and Blaine wished he'd never asked. What right did he have to ask that of Burt, who was he to make him sit through what was about to happen. He wasn't even entirely sure why he wanted him in the room anyway, hearing everything that he was going to say. The fact was he needed Burt's strength. he needed to know there was someone in the room who was on his side, that he could rely on. He didn't know the two detectives at all and he knew his mother too well to expect too much from her.

"Of course I'll be there for you" Burt said and Blaine released a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Okay" Blaine said throwing the towel in the bin "let's go get this over with". The words sounded brave and he was glad to know he hadn't completely lost his ability to put on a brave face. He was going to need it.


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