June 4, 2012, 11:43 a.m.
There's all kinds of courage.: Chapter 20
E - Words: 1,905 - Last Updated: Jun 04, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 48/? - Created: Sep 20, 2011 - Updated: Jun 04, 2012 195 0 0 0 0
"Oh Blaine" she exclaimed on seeing the state of his face but he noticed that she remained where she was, didn't exactly rush to his side to inspect the damage further, to offer comfort and sweet kisses. He almost chuckled to himself at the thought, but managed to contain it at the last second. He really needed to get a better handle on these weird impulses.
"It looks worse than it feels" the lie came easily enough, he was used to hiding how he really felt from the woman. He refused to look over at Kurt though because he didn't want to see what he was thinking.
"Well that's good because you look awful".
"Where's Dad?" Blaine was afraid to ask the question because if his father was here aswell then he wasn't sure he could handle that. His mother alone was enough. He'd really hoped to avoid either of them, at least until tomorrow. He needed a clear head to be able to speak to them and he was just so exhausted right now he knew there was a good chance that he was going to say something he might regret later.
"Still in Italy, we decided that in light of Mr Hummel's phone call it might be best if one of us was here with you. I have to say I'm a little disappointed in you Blaine, you really led me to believe that this was a minor matter."
Blaine wasn't sure if that was true or not. So he hadn't told her much about what had happened, he'd let her make her own conclusions, but she hadn't exactly pushed the issue had she? Surely most parents would have wanted to see for themselves that their son was allright. He had to wonder why the sudden interest now . He got his answer when she continued speaking.
"The Hummels must think we're terrible parents, your father was quite angry about the way Mr Hummel spoke to him on the phone." So there it was, yet again Blaine had managed to embarrass them.
"Well I'm sure my father is sorry, but this has been a pretty emotional time" Kurt's voice spoke up beside him. Blaine loved the way Kurt jumped to his father's defence.
"Yes well, I'm sure it's been upsetting." his mom seemed a little flustered in the face of Kurt's words. "It's not pleasant to see your son in a hospital bed, I'm well aware of that".
"You don't have to be in a hospital bed to be hurting" Kurt's sharp tone caused Blaine's mom's eyes to widen in suprise. Blaine shot Kurt at look asking him to back off. He didn't want her to find out like this, he owed her that much at least.
"What do you mean by that" his mom's tone was snappish now, she really wasn't used to being spoken to by a teenager like that. "Blaine, what is he talking about?"
Blaine swallowed past the dryness in his throat.
So here it was, the time to tell her. Except he wasn't sure if he could. Those words held such power, the power to change everything and he didn't know if he had the courage to just blurt them out. He hadn't been thinking earlier, saying it then had almost been a relief but now that he'd had time to think about the consequences of that one act he wished he could take it all back. The examination just a short while ago had shown him just what he faced and he wasn't sure he was stong enough to go through with all of this. He couldn't even kid himself that the reason was that he wanted to protect his mom , no the awful truth was he was protecting himself. He was scared what her reaction would be and even worse once this ball was rolling he knew his father would be next and if he was scared of telling his mom then there wasn't a word to descibe how he felt about telling his dad.
He no longer had a choice though, too many people already knew, there was no going back now. This was just one more stop on the train ride to hell his life had become. If only he hadn't confessed earlier, he could just go on pretending like everything was okay, that he wasn't dead on the inside. He cursed his weakness. If he'd just stopped to think then he probably could have come up with something to persuade everyone that nothing had happened. But even he knew that was ridiculous, he just wished he could have kept strong just a little bit longer. Just until he wasn't so tired. His head was spinning and he felt dizzy again, the only thing keeping him from passing out was the warm hand clasped tightly in his.
"Blaine" it was Kurt's voice this time that broke into his thoughts. He looked up into those pale eyes and focused on them as he tried to control his racing heart.
"Do you want me to tell her?" Kurt asked and Blaine wasn't sure what his answer was. Because in some ways that would be perfect, if he didn't actually have to say those words again. He could even keep looking into Kurt's eyes so he wouldn't have to see the look of disgust that he would see in hers. But no, he couldn't do that to Kurt, this was his load to bear, he was already putting far too much on Kurt already.
"Tell me what? What's going on Blaine?" he never realised before that his mother's voice was so shrill, the sound of it went straight through him.
"Those men, they didn't just hurt me" Kurt began taking his silence as agreement.
"Well I can see that" she sounded annoyed, as though Kurt was telling her something that she was well aware of. Blaine knew how much she hated it when people thought she was stupid.
"Do you? Do you see?" Kurt's voice was getting high now and he actually let go of Blaine's hand to gesture at Blaine.
"Of course I do" now her tone was defensive. "I'm not blind".
"Really?" Kurt was practically screeching now, his beautiful face screwed up in anger.
"I really don't appreciate the way you're talking to me young man. I don't know who you think you are, but you have no ri..."
"I'm the boy who loves your son, and right now I'm not sure you know what that means".
"HOW DARE YOU" Blaine had never heard his mom shout before, she was usually the kind to use guilt and burst into tears in the middle of an arguement. But yet another thing that she'd always hated, was having her parenting called into question, he wondered how much of that came from having a guilty conscience.
"I DARE ALLRIGHT" Kurt was suprisingly dry eyed, his anger to the point where he was beyond upset. Whilst a part of Blaine was secretly pleased to hear his boyfriend standing up for him like that he also knew a lot of the anger was misplaced. His mother might not be the most loving person in the world but she wasn't a monster. Kurt was attacking her because she was the only person that had hurt Blaine recently that he could attack.
"DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW HURT BLAINE IS?" Kurt's voice was so loud that Blaine was suprised no-one had come in to see what the noise was about.
"Kurt, don't" Blaine tried to get his attention but Kurt was completely focused on the woman in the doorway now.
"Do you want to know what those bastards did to him?" Kurt's voice dropped to almost a whisper and was all the more terrifying for it. Blaine found himself trembling in the face of Kurt's rage.
"Kurt" that was Finn's voice and Blaine had forgotten that the other boy was even in the room until he spoke the warning.
But Kurt was on a roll now, so caught up in indignant anger that he couldn't hear anyone else.
"Those sick bastards raped him, okay. There, are you happy now?" Blaine felt the words rip into him. He felt like his skin had been torn away and he was sat there raw and bleeding.
"What?" the word came out as a strangled whisper. "Why would you say such filth? Blaine?"
Blaine was afraid to look at her, he didn't want to face her but he turned his head anyway and met her eyes. Eyes the same color as his blown wide with shock.
"Blaine that isn't true. Is it? Tell me that's not true?"
Blaine didn't say a word, but that obviously told her everything she needed to know. She looked at him in horror before speaking again. "I have to...I can't..." she turned and ran from the room.
Kurt was heaving great sobs now and Finn looked like he'd been punched in the stomach but Blaine just stared at the doorway. It wasn't like he'd been expecting her to rush over to him and take him in her arms, no matter how much he wanted her too, but he hadn't expected her to just abandon him like that.
"Oh god Blaine, I'm so sorry" Kurt was sobbing out now. Blaine didn't know whether he was apologizing for blurting his secret out, for causing his mom to run out or maybe even for the fact that his mom was so selfish but he found he didn't really care. Because although what Kurt just did might have seemed a little insensitive at least it showed he cared.
"It's okay" he reassured his distraught boyfriend, except nothing really was. But he couldn't stay angry at Kurt, what he'd just done confirmed what Blaine had known all along. That Kurt was the only person in his life that truly cared for him as much as he did in return.
He briefly considered going after his mom but he just didn't have the energy for it. He'd had enough drama and heartache today to last him a lifetime. She knew where he was and once she'd calmed down she could come back, or not, he just couldn't find it within himself to care either way.
"I'm so sorry Blaine" Kurt repeated, except this time Blaine knew that Kurt was talking about more than what had just happened in this room.
"I know" Blaine said.
He looked at Kurt again and reached a hand up to wipe the tears from his cheek. Kurt stopped his hand before bringing it to his lips and kissing it gently. Blaine could see the hesitation in Kurt's eyes as he did it, his eyes searching Blaine's to make sure this was okay. Blaine gave him a small smile to let him know that it was and didn't even flinch as Kurt's warm lips pressed against the back of his hand. Such a light, gentle touch, but all the sweeter for it.
Neither boy noticed Finn slip quietly from the room in search of his parents.