Two weeks had passed and Cooper Anderson had kept his promise sending his baby brother on a train ride to New York City. Cooper had helped Blaine convince his mother to let him skip school; without a plan of action he felt he needed to go to Kurt’s job to guarantee that he would be able to talk to him. If he went straight to his apartment Kurt could refuse to talk to him, but public spaces that felt safe. As the 10:15 train arrived on the track he noticed all the couples saying goodbye around them. It was early November so the chill of the air had everyone in their winter’s best and Blaine didn’t know if he was romanticizing the situation but it almost made him hopeful for what he was going to face. He boarded the train and got a window seat by himself, luggage occupying the seat next to him. He didn’t want to chance anyone sitting there, he didn’t feel like making small talk, he had to get his head right, to figure out his words before he faced Kurt.

“Dear it’s 6:15, are you ready to head out?” Kurt looked up to see Chase’s eager expression. He was in the middle of sorting out sample pick-ups for Isabelle and didn’t want to wait until Monday morning.

“Almost done“ he answered as he looked back at Chase and back to his paperwork. It wasn’t what he was expecting and it wasn’t something that felt rushed but Chase was a friend, well that was until last week when an innocent night at the bar with co-workers turned into a night of making out in dark corners. He would not deny the attraction to Chase since he started but it was nothing more than “something nice to look at.” And having had Blaine who was in short “gorgeous, never let him out of your sight” until he did and that is what got them to where he was at. This was new, and he never intended for a rebound but after the whole Eli C Facebook debacle anger let him give way to lust. Plus Chase was sweet, he had proven a friend, a shoulder to lean on more than to cry on and he didn’t have bad taste in clothes either. This would be their third date and Kurt was glad that this was a casual thing, nothing to think too much about, nothing he put too much of himself into. He shook himself out of thought when he looked down at the time on his laptop, 6:30pm. “Shit” he berated himself silently at that he heard Chase speak over him one more time.

“I think I am just going to wait in the lobby”

Kurt was about to answer when he looked up and thought that maybe he was imagining things. He clearly heard Chase’s voice but was staring at Blaine. He blinked a few times trying to chase the image out of his head, at that moment Chase came up behind him and repeated his statement “Almost done? Or do you want me to wait in the lobby?”

The words fell on deaf ears as he followed Kurt’s eyesight. Chase wasn’t too familiar with Blaine, Kurt’s stories after the break up were brief but he did remember seeing a picture on his desk not too long ago and so when he saw that the dumbfounded look on Kurt’s face led back to a slender small framed guy he knew who he was competing with for Kurt’s attention. By the time both Kurt and Chase had time to register what was going on Blaine had made his way across the room and was now planted in front of them. “Hello” was all he muttered as the silence grew between them. He couldn’t read Kurt’s expression, It was somewhere between lost and scared.

Kurt was so confused he didn’t even know where his thoughts should go. He didn’t even register where they were at. At the moment he looked and spotted him it had felt like a dream and his default reaction was to smile and run over to him. He held his breathe and that is when reality sunk in, when he realized his initial reaction had been tainted by the decisions Blaine made a month ago so he was stuck with no reaction at all. Luckily Chase broke him out of his thoughts, “Kurt, um… I think that I should probably go, raincheck? We can just do this tomorrow night okay? Kurt couldn’t tear his eyes away from Blaine but quickly looked over to Chase to acknowledge his words. Catching Chase’s eyes seemed to pull him out further from his state. “Yes, tomorrow, that would be great.. I’m sorry, I just.. “ Chase looked at him with a sincere look of understanding. “Thank you…” Kurt whispered enough for everyone to hear but almost as if it was the only words he could make out. Chase looked back at a nervous Blaine, and closed the gap between him and Kurt making sure to pull him close as he layed his hand over his back. “Call if you need anything..” and with that he had one last glance over at Blaine and was gone.

Blaine was filled with jealousy, from the moment that he heard the man’s voice call Kurt “Dear” his insides felt like they were pushing through fire. His default reaction was to walk over and kiss Kurt, to show him that this was his Kurt, his one and only but as the thought crossed his mind he realized that his initial reaction was tainted by his decision. This had made Blaine not only angry but once again surrender to his lonely state. He wanted to run out and cry. What had he done? Of course Kurt had moved on and why shouldn’t he, he had done this. He had done this to Kurt and he had done this to himself. While he contemplated heading for the door he spotted Kurt’s eyes on him. His expression at first had a hint of smile before it fell and he contemplated whether he had made the right decision. Kurt didn’t look away for what seemed like forever. Once again the stranger entered the picture and this time followed Kurt’s eyesight, he was spotted he no longer could run. Instinctively he started walking towards Kurt and now there really was no turning back, he said the only thing his voice could mutter “Hello” Kurt looked over at the man who had said words but Blaine could barely register them. He was too busy trying to look into Kurt’s eyes and that’s when he saw it, when The man closed the gap between him and Kurt placing his hand on his lower back in a comforting manner. That’s when it all snapped; when he finally heard the words he had said “We’ll do this tomorrow” rang in his head over and over until the man was out of sight. They stood in silence neither of them daring to break it and speak first.

Kurt had the courage; he always did “What the hell are you doing here?”

Blaine couldn’t even form words let alone answer the question. What the hell was he doing there? He knew a few hours ago, he knew he wanted to explain everything to Kurt but that all fell by the wayside with the addition of the new stranger.

“Who was that?” was all he could manage, curiosity and jealousy getting the best of him.

The offices had a few stragglers, for 6pm on a Friday night there were still a few people in the office. Kurt looked around.. “How did you get up here? I thought there was security. Blaine this is my work place!” he said in a whispered but still angered tone.

“I guess they didn’t see me as a threat” Blaine scoffed as he looked around trying to gather his thoughts. “Are you going to answer me?” Blaine did not want to let go of his earlier question. Kurt started to gather his things off his desk and hurriedly placed them into his messenger. With every step he looked back up at Blaine with a snicker, his eyes squinting as to silently ask the question “Are you serious?” though he didn’t say anything. Blaine mirrored every one of Kurt’s step pacing around the small desk and following him out the building. As soon as they made it out of the office and in to the elevator Blaine urged Kurt “Please talk to me, I came all this way” As they got into the elevator, Blaine grew silent with Kurt’s side eyed glance. They were sandwiched in with business men from different floors and Kurt prayed that Blaine would not make a scene. Knowing how to conduct in public, Blaine forced back his words and silently followed Kurt through the lobby until they reached the front revolving door. When they made it outside Blaine continued as if he never stopped. Dodging native New Yorkers as they walked the over crowded streets “Kurt! Kurt please talk to me” at the last plead Kurt turned around and walked over to him. He said nothing but looked at Blaine in the eye. “I would say that there is nothing to talk about but that would be the opposite of what I want to say. I don’t think you deserve my attention but if anything I think I deserve my peace of mind, so talk”

Blaine didn’t know what to expect when he got there but he knew this was already not going well. He watched as Kurt led them to the steps of the NY Public Library. Kurt always loved this place and if he was being honest with himself the thought of tainting it with unavoidable bad memory they were going to create made his stomach cringe but he just did not need another afternoon at the park with Blaine Anderson. They reached the steps and Kurt abruptly sat down. The night was approaching and if Blaine was being completely honest he could see how easily this could have gone a different way. If he hadn’t cheated, he could have still come here, still surprised Kurt at work. Brought him here under false pretenses only to have a dinner at Bryant Park, this could have been a romantic night out instead of a way to plead and make it right. He realized he hadn’t started talking being swept away in a day dream. He cleared his throat in hopes of getting the jitters out.

“I’m…” is all he got out before Kurt started “please spare me the I’m sorry. I got more than 30 text messages, emails, and phone calls spewing the same sentiment, your opening statement after coming 4 hours out of your way should definitely not be I’m sorry because you seem to be singing the same song after a month and I cannot tell you how much I hate this jingle” Blaine looked at Kurt’s eyes and saw nothing, at a time where his eyes stung with unshed tears Kurt had managed to bring out his best “Bitch glare” as he uttered those words. “I…” he stammered and couldn’t regain his thoughts. At that Kurt got up “I can’t do this..” he muttered as he reached for his bag.

“Wait “ Blaine quickly called, he couldn’t risk having him leave again with no explanation. “I was tired of saying I love you to a dial tone”.. at those words Kurt stared at Blaine, his eyes looking for something as he slowly sat back down.

 “You were my everything Kurt and I know I told you it was okay for you to leave but it wasn’t but I didn’t want to be the one holding you back.” He sighed and continued, the cold air filling his lungs making it even harder to breathe, but also harder to cry. “You never had time for me, and that wasn’t your fault but I was completely alone. I didn’t know what alone was until you left because I didn’t realize how much you were a part of me. Every good and bad thing that happened I wanted to tell you about and it just hit me one day that you just weren’t there in the most basic human way.” He stopped to look up at Kurt whose eyes seemed to be welling up with tear, his nose turning pink as he grabbed his sleeve to bat at his eyes.  “I just felt you pulling away and I just needed to protect myself. I needed to make sure that I wasn’t going to fall apart when you left me. I can’t tell you how much it didn’t mean anything” At this Kurt let out a sob that Blaine seemed to follow. He tried to contain himself to continue..

“.. I don’t want to talk about him because he doesn’t even deserve to be a conversation” At this Kurt snapped

 “But he is a conversation, and what makes it worse is that you were willing to risk us with something that meant so little to you” he pulled his arm away not noticing that Blaine had intertwined their fingers together through his talk. “You said he meant nothing like it’s supposed to make me rejoice?” Blaine continued to stare out in front of him, he wasn’t prepared for this.

“I…” he looked down at the ground as he was about to tear open a new wound. “I just wanted to feel something other than this crippling pain, I thought that maybe I could be held… maybe if you had moved on so should I”

“.. But I didn’t move on and you didn’t give me a chance to say that to you” Blaine knew Kurt was right but at the time he didn’t feel like Kurt was there because he really just wasn’t.

“I sat there after it happened and all I could think about is, I just hurt the love of my life. Because after it happened I just knew that you were it, I always knew but then you left and it made me question if you knew but then this happened and I thought that we were forever and I had ruined forever” this was the word vomit Blaine was trying to avoid, looking over at Kurt and for a second getting out of himself and seeing them from the view of a NY tourist. They were enveloped in between a sea of people, loud honking, and the chill air and somehow all Blaine could see was Kurt’s eyes as they bore in to him.

Kurt broke the silence once again “you know what really kills me about all this Blaine?” Blaine didn’t dare answer the rhetorical question “It’s that I always knew we were forever, and while you were out with whatever his face is I was cataloging memories we would be making. Actually that is not what kills me about this whole situation it’s that I can’t even hate you right now” At this Kurt let out a cry, he stopped himself before he let out the rest of his sentence to compose. “ I look at you right now and think about how much I still love you and how painful this is to talk about and how I WANT to hate you, I NEED to hate you because it would just make this a lot less painful. You see I didn’t need to hook up with someone else to know that you were it because just in your existence I knew.” At that Blaine could not contain the lump in his throat, he choked back the sob but to no avail. It was out in the cold air and he would do anything to change Kurt’s words to make him hate him because he deserved it. Kurt got up and grabbed his hand. Blaine was surprised with what was happening but he didn’t ask. He felt enough words had been said and silence was the answer to this moment. He led Blaine through the barrier of people, and all Blaine could do was try to hold on to the warmth that Kurt emitted. He wanted to intertwine their fingers and for a second get lost in a day dream but he felt what was coming. Before he knew it he looked up and saw Grand Central Station.

“Go home” Kurt whispered, Blaine was about to protest but Kurt continued. “Blaine please go home, please let me be happy, give me a chance to be happy” and at that it felt like all the glass had shattered. Kurt’s words rang in his ears so loudly that he wanted so badly to place his hands over them to diffuse the sound. It had never occurred to Blaine that Kurt’s chance at happiness could be without Blaine. For the last year and a half he had always thought of their happiness being tied to one another but as Kurt uttered those words he realized that if he loved Kurt he had to let him have his own chance at happiness. The lump in Blaine’s throat luckily prevented him from saying anything stupid. Kurt looked at Blaine’s honey filled eyes and almost protested his own statement but he knew better, he knew this was for the best.

“Okay… I’ll go” he said looking down on the floor, willing the tears to stop stinging his eyes.

“Also…” Kurt continued, he looked around as if trying to find the courage to say the next sentence. “I’m going home for Thanksgiving…. With Chase”

“Chase” Blaine repeated, that was the strangers name and before any thoughts of Sam beating him up or if him crying in his room repeating the name filled his head Kurt gave him a shy smirk. “Blaine don’t look like that it’s not … it’s not what you think.. It’s not that serious, I don’t want to lie to you and tell you that we are not dating but it’s new, it’s just he had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving..”

“and you being you of course would offer your place” Blaine finished, giving him a warm smile as he wiped the tears from his eyes. “I- I  don’t want to lose you forever” Blaine stammered… “I don’t want to lose my best friend” at this Blaine could no longer hold it in as he spread his arms around Kurt and cried into neck. Kurt placed his hands behind Blaine’s neck to comfort him, patting him soflty.. “Blaine just give me time, I know I was at fault for our relationship being rocky and that in no way excuses what you did but you were my best friend too and..” at that Kurt began to cry too. It took them five minutes to be able to continue with their conversation. They stood in the middle of Grand Central holding on to each other like they were holding on to dear life. “You have to give me time… I just can’t be in the same room as you without thinking about how much you hurt me…” Blaine reached out for Kurt’s hand at that moment and began to silently whisper “I’m sorry” into Kurt’s shoulder. “I know, and you need to stop beating yourself up for this” Kurt’s words surprised himself, he was devastated at what Blaine did to him but he was even more scared for what Blaine was doing to himself. “I can’t forgive you right now but give it time and I might be able to get there” With that Blaine pulled away, not wanting it to go downhill from there, he kissed Kurt on the cheek and with that let go of his hand and walked away.