That was the only thing Kurt could focus on. The last few hours had passed in a nauseating blur. Rushing into the kitchen and seeing Carole crouched over his dad, looking for a pulse – Blaine calling 911 – Blaine driving him and Finn to the hospital – the godawful wait in the ER…

Hearing things like MI, cath labs, blockage….

Everything was all white noise until he heard not waking up, coma…

If Blaine hadn't been there to hold him up, he would've collapsed to the floor.

He felt numb. He was only slightly aware of Blaine's arms around him, Blaine's fingers running through his hair, Blaine's voice trying to calm him as they sat uncomfortably twisted together in their chairs.

He finally looked up when he heard Finn clamber out of his chair. Carole was coming towards them, her eyes swollen and red and her face was tear-streaked.

Finn immediately pulled her into his arms and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Kurt, honey. You can go see him…just for a few minutes tonight. They uh, they won't let Blaine back there. But Finn could go with, if you'd like. He… he's hooked up to a lot of machines, and he," she paused and wiped her eyes. "He's strong, honey."

Kurt turned to Blaine and felt his lip trembling. "Blaine I – I'm," he clenched his fists and dropped his head to Blaine's shoulder. "I feel like I'm going to lose it," he whispered.

"Here," Blaine said softly. He stood up and pulled Kurt up with him. With one hand wrapped securely around Kurt's back, he used the other one to grasp one of Kurt's wrists. "I'm going to be right here with you, baby," he said softly. "Okay? Whatever you need. I know I can't go in there with you but I'm going to help you through this."

Blaine took Kurt's hand and pressed it to his heart. "Do it, I can tell you need it. Just close your eyes, I'm right here."

Kurt sagged against Blaine and took a deep, shuddering breath.

Baby I love you so much. Your dad is strong. He's a fighter, he's going to pull through this. I will help you with whatever you need, whenever you need. Just let me know and I will be there.

A sob caught in the back of Kurt's throat and he grasped Blaine's head in his hands before pulling him into a kiss. He didn't care that he was in the middle of an ICU waiting room, he needed Blaine. After breaking the connection, he felt slightly more centered – well enough to at least see his dad. He pulled back from Blaine and wiped his cheeks. "Thank you," he said, his own voice sounding ragged in his ears.

"I'll be right here," Blaine said softly, his own eyes shining with tears. He tilted his head up and pressed a kiss to Kurt's forehead. "Go see your dad."

Kurt closed his eyes briefly and nodded. He turned slowly, met Finn's eyes and bit his lip. "Would you mind terribly if I went in by myself?"

Finn's eyes widened and he shook his head. "Dude, of course not," he said, continuing to hold Carole and rub her back. "Pretty sure I'm needed out here, anyway."

Carole sniffled and buried her face in Finn's chest. Finn swayed her back and forth slightly and looked like even he was barely holding it together.

Kurt felt a warm hand slip into his and he turned back to face Blaine. "I'll… I'll be back in a few minutes," he said, swallowing hard.

Blaine nodded and squeezed Kurt's hand. "Take your time, I'll be right here if you need me."

"He's so pale, and there are so many tubes and monitors, and I just…" Kurt trailed off.

Blaine propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over Kurt, thumbing away tears that started to fall. "He's going to fight, and we're going to get him the best care to get him through this, okay? He's going to wake up."

Kurt licked his lips – his whole mouth felt dry and his lips were chapped. "H-how do you know that? How do we know anything? I can't lose him, Blaine. I just can't."

Blaine cupped Kurt's jaw with his entire hand and forcefully pulled Kurt's head towards him. "Look at me, Kurt. You are not going to lose him. Don't start talking like that. We have to think positive. And I will help any way I can, okay? Anything he needs."

Closing his eyes, Kurt rolled over and wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck and tangled his legs around Blaine's.

Blaine rolled over onto his back and pulled Kurt half on top of him. "I'm here, you're okay," he said softly.

Kurt forced himself to focus on Blaine's steady heartbeat. Tears were burning his eyes beneath his eyelids and he blinked, finally letting them fall. He had mostly been able to hold it together at the hospital but now that he was home, and it was just himself and Blaine – he couldn't hold back anymore.

The image of his dad in his hospital bed was burned into his mind, eyes closed and so, so pale. He had never seen his dad so weak and helpless. He choked on a sob and pulled Blaine closer.

"I-it should be m-me, I s-should be the one in t-that bed—" Kurt sniffed.

"No," Blaine said firmly. He kissed the top of Kurt's head and ran his fingers through Kurt's hair. "Kurt – I'll talk to my dad tomorrow, okay? I'll see what we can do, if anything."

Kurt nodded and suddenly his bedside lamp smashed against his door. He flinched into Blaine's chest. "Fuck, sorry – "

"Hey, don't worry about it, we'll buy you a new one. I'll clean up the mess," Blaine whispered into Kurt's hair. "Do you need to go outside for a while?"

Kurt took a deep breath and shook his head. "No, I – I think I'll be okay. I just need you." And a time machine. And for his dad to not have collapsed. And for everything to just be okay.

"Hey, shh," Blaine said, rubbing a hand down Kurt's back. "Put the bed down, baby. Easy, that's it."

"I'm a mess," Kurt moaned after he set the bed back down. He hadn't even really realized he had lifted it up in the air. Maybe he did need to spend some time outside to wear himself out. Especially if he was going to be without Blaine tomorrow. Being with Blaine helped keep him at least somewhat in control. "What time are you leaving tomorrow?" he whispered.

"Early," Blaine said softly. "Charles will be here to come get me and bring me home so I can get my uniform and my car, that way I can go straight from school to the hospital tomorrow."

Kurt nodded and rolled over onto his back. He wanted Blaine with him tomorrow, and he knew Blaine would skip school for him, but Blaine's parents had been pretty adamant about him going to school. He didn't blame them; Kurt was only going to be able to miss one day, himself. Getting behind at Dalton was horrendous.

"I just want to go back to the hotel," he said, and he barely recognized his own voice. Saturday night seemed so long ago already. If he closed his eyes, he could still feel everything and that's what he wanted – to forget everything that was going on now, and just to feel Blaine.

Blaine dipped his fingers underneath Kurt's t-shirt and rubbed his fingers against Kurt's hipbone. "I know," he said quietly. "Why don't you try to get some sleep? I'll clean up the lamp and come to bed. It's late."

Kurt fisted his hands in his eyes and nodded. He felt Blaine leave the bed and tried to think of anything other than the image of his dad in his hospital bed. Everything had been so perfect two nights ago and now everything was – fucked up.

He was angry.

Suddenly, irrationally angry. He didn't deserve this. His dad didn't deserve this. Nor did Carole, or Finn…why, why did this have to happen? His dad was a decent human being. An amazing father. Why did this have to happen to him?

He heard it before he felt it.

And Blaine was at his side before anything really registered.

"Kurt, oh my god, are you okay? Let me see," Blaine said frantically, pulling at Kurt's arm.

Kurt blinked and looked at his fist, and strained his neck to look back at his headboard, and then looked back at his fist. "I – what?"

Blaine cradled Kurt's hand against his chest, away from his heart, and looked at the hole in the headboard with wide eyes. "Just tell me your hand is okay."

Kurt flexed his fingers a few times and sat up in front of Blaine. He looked back at the hole, which went straight through the headboard, and the dent in the wall. "My hand is fine – I didn't mean to do that."

"Don't – don't worry about that, I just care about you," Blaine said, lifting Kurt's hand up to his mouth and kissing over each of his knuckles. "We'll fix it later," he cocked his head to the side. "Unless you can?"

Kurt shook his head and closed his eyes. "No – that's just, fabrics. And easy stuff, at that. I just. I'm so mad, Blaine. I'm angry."

"Hey, I know," Blaine said softy and pulled Kurt into his arms. "I'm going to be here for you – are you sure you don't want to go outside? Or should we try to sleep now?"

Kurt let himself relax against Blaine's body and took a few deep breaths to try to calm himself. "I just need to you to hold me and maybe I'll be able to fall asleep."

Kurt let Blaine tug him down so they fell against the pillows and he immediately curled up against Blaine's chest, his entire body coursing with white hot energy that he was fighting to contain.

Blaine carded his fingers through Kurt's hair and kissed his forehead. "I'll be here when you wake up, try to get some sleep, baby."

"Thank you," Kurt whispered and let his hand drift to Blaine's waist, his fingers dipping underneath the soft cotton of Blaine's t-shirt. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this on edge, this angry, this upset, or this out of control. He was so glad Blaine was here because with Blaine here, holding him, calming him, he could breathe.