Jan. 17, 2016, 6 p.m.
You've got to hide your love away: Chapter five
E - Words: 4,181 - Last Updated: Jan 17, 2016 Story: Complete - Chapters: 21/? - Created: Dec 01, 2015 - Updated: Dec 01, 2015 115 0 0 0 0
Hope you enjoyed this chapter! How do you like the story so far?
It's Wednesday night, a few hours after the incident at school. Kurt is sitting in his window with a cup in his hand. Just a few hours ago, his father had finally answered his phone and talked to Mr Anderson. Not even ten minutes later his father's car pulled up in front of the school, and just as Kurt suspected, his father was almost shaking with rage. Almost too upset to even say a word, and the ride home with his dad was completely silent. Burt had looked like he would burst into tears or maybe throw up any second. Kurt didn't say anything either though. Because what was he supposed to say? He's been through this several times now and he just can not really bother to even care anymore. And maybe Burt understands that because he doesn't make Kurt talk about it, and the boy is very thankful for that. He just needs some silence around him.
So now Kurt is sitting in his favorite window in his room, looking out as the sky turns dark. He does feel horrible seeing his father so devastated and mad. Although, he doesn't feel that horrible after getting beaten up, even though maybe he should. But all the boy can really remember is laying is Mr Anderson's, Blaine's, lap. And while Kurt do feel horrible seeing both his teacher and his father so upset, all he can think of is having the the teacher's fingers stroke his forehead and feeling like someone actually genuinely cared about him. Like he can actually trust someone. Like someone actually managed to see through Kurt's shield and look right into his soul, seeing every part of him. And maybe that scares him a bit, but he likes it. He likes the feeling of that he can be completely open and honest with someone. But then again, this is Kurt's teacher, and Kurt doesn't really know how he is supposed to feel about that. All he knows is that this human being, Blaine Anderson, is really special to him. Teacher or not.
Thursday arrives and after his first class, Kurt is sitting nervous in a uncomfortable chair in the principal's office. He slowly turns around to watch the clock, trying to focus on something, anything, else than the silence in the office and the devastated look on his father's face.
”Sorry i'm late. Hi Kurt.”, the door opens and Mr Anderson, Blaine, walks inside, sitting down on a chair next to Kurt, shaking his father's hand.
Kurt wants to slap himself for swallowing too loud and feeling his heartbeat speed up as he sees the man entering the room. But god, what else is he supposed to do when Mr Anderson is wearing a ridiculously hot knitted sweater and high water pants. Kurt swallows again.
Come on, high water pants?
”Welcome, Mr Anderson.”, the principle greets nodding towards the hazel eyed man.
”So, Kurt explained to me what happened. And Karofsky did too, and I must say their stories are a little different.”
”Well, Mr Shuester and I both saw what happened, Kurt got beaten up by Karofsky. That's what happened.”, Blaine answers quickly, teeth clenched together. Kurt can feel his father tense a bit beside him before shooting a thankful look towards the teacher, as if he is grateful that Mr Anderson seems to be the one taking the control and being the one arguing about this whole thing. Because Burt is still furious and devastated about what happened to his son, and is not able to argue about it like he normally would. Not today, at least.
”That is correct Mr Anderson, but we don't know what happened before that.”, the principal says, sounding tired and uninterested.
”I told you.”, Kurt says with a sigh, looking at Mr Anderson face for help, or for anything because right now his face expression says nothing, it's blank.
”Mr Figgins, Mr Anderson here said himself that both him and Mr Shuester saw what happened. And should you really trust the words of a boy that threatened to kill my son last year?”, Burt finally manages to talk, his voice furious.
”He what!?”, Blaine turns to Kurt, looking chocked. Kurt opens his mouth to say something but stops.
”I would consider this a hate crime, Mr Figgins.”, Mr Anderson then says, trying to keep himself as calm as possible.
”They're teenagers, Mr Anderson. I don't think this was meant to be a hate crime.”, the principal, Mr Figgins answers, raising his eyebrows as Blaine looks up at him with angry eyes.
”They ruined his car, writing ”faggot” on it, and then they beat him up. What would you call that then if not a hate crime?”, Mr Anderson says between his clenched teeth with a shaky voice.
Burt shoots the teacher another thankful look, because it seems like Mr Anderson knows a lot more about how to handle a situation like this, than what Burt does. Mr Anderson seems to have all the right words, and the Hummels, both father and son, are very thankful for that. Because neither of them seems to have the right words or the energy to argue about this today.
”Mr Anderson, we all need to look at this objectively, and we all need to stay calm about this.”, Mr Figgins says before getting interrupted by Mr Anderson voice; ”Karofsky should be expelled. I don't know how you could even consider anything else?”, the raging teacher says.
”Figgins, we both know why Karofsky is picking on my kid, okay? So do you really think that he had another reason to beat my son up this time? Do not pretend that this wasn't because of Kurt's sexuality.”
Mr Anderson looks at Kurt as Burt speaks, his eyes shining with something like understanding and sincerity. Kurt swallows too loudly again.
”Karofsky is suspended for the next five weeks. There's nothing more we can do about it.”, Mr Figgins eventually sighs, looking tired, annoyed and done with the whole situation.
”You've got to be kidding me?”, the angry, young teacher breathes, causing Mr Figgins to raise his eyebrows, ”Excuse me Mr Anderson?”.
”That's is not enough. He hurt him really badly, you know? Kurt was almost passed out by the time we reached them. How can Karofsky only get suspended for five damn weeks!? This is ridiculous!”, Mr Andersons voice is louder, angrier now and both Mr Figgins and Kurt looks at him with big, surprised eyes. Burt looks down on his hand, shaking his head.
Nobody have seen Mr Anderson angry since he started working at this school. In fact, nobody have never seen him with anything less than a huge, satisfied smile on his face. The look on his face now, was completely new to all of them.
”I have another meeting now, but we will get back to this later this week. Is that okay with you Mr Hummel?”, The principal now lay his eyes on Kurt who just silently nods.
”This is insane.”, Burt tries.
”This is bullshit”, Mr Anderson corrects him in a breath, barely loud enough for anyone to hear, but Kurt heard. He did. Mr Anderson shakes his head in frustration before walking towards the door, ”Thank you for your time, Mr Figgins.”.
Kurt can feel his heart pounding loudly in his chest, and his hands are shaking as he grabs his leather bag before walking out of the office.
”I can't believe that principle.”, Burt shakes his head with a sigh, shooting a angry look towards the principal's office.
Mr Anderson nods in agreement and Kurt doesn't know what to say or how to react after all that.
”Look, I've gotta go to work again, kiddo. But you call be if anything else happens, okay? We will solve this. And thank you Mr Anderson.”, Burt lays a comforting hand on his sons shoulder before looking at Kurt's teacher with thankful eyes. Mr Anderson nods and tries his best to smile.
”Take it easy dad, okay? I'm fine I swear.”, Kurt assures him before watching his father making his way out of the school.
”Are you okay?”, Kurt asks Mr Anderson after a few seconds.
”Are you okay is the important question here.”, Mr Anderson, Blaine, sighs, sounding a bit more calm, trying his best to smile towards his student even though he still looks a little furious.
Kurt smiles back at his teacher, nodding for a second before opening his mouth again, ”You don't have to be this involved in all of this you know. It's really just my problem and you shouldn't have to help me this much. And I am very thankful for your help, but you do not have to do this, you know?”, Kurt begins, biting his lip a bit, ”Besides, I guess I kind of saw it coming, I shouldn't have talked back to him. I knew he was going to be upset.”.
”No. No, Kurt. Don't apologize for talking back to your bully. That's the bravest thing you can ever do. I'm proud of you for doing that.”, Blaine quickly answers, laying a hand on Kurt's shoulder.
Kurt just hopes that the man can't feel the shiver that goes through his whole body at the touch. Hazel eyes meets bright blue ones again. Kurt stops breathing.
Because Mr Anderson is proud of him. Blaine is proud of him, Kurt thinks to himself, feeling his heartbeat speeding up again.
”Well, I guess I'm kind of proud of myself too.”, Kurt finally says, not daring to break the intense eye contact. It feels like looking away wouldn't even be possible right now, as if their eyes are locked together. Stuck.
”I wish I had that courage when I was as young as you.”, Blaine sighs, letting go of Kurt's eyes as he shakes his head.
”What do you mean?”, Kurt asks, raising his eyebrows and tilting his head a little. I see where this is going. His heart starts racing again.
”I struggled a lot in high school too. I was constantly teased and bullied for being gay. That word that they wrote on your car, ”faggot”? I heard it so much it became like a second name, like eventually I actually listened to it.”, the man begins and Kurt can feel his heart pound so hard in his chest that it feels like it might explode.
”I know how you feel Kurt, and maybe I wasn't brave enough to fight back and help myself, but I do want to help you with this.”, the teacher continues before meeting Kurt's eyes again.
And Kurt doesn't know what to say. What to answer. He just nods. Neither does he know how to breathe. Secretly this is what Kurt has been wondering for months. Mr Anderson is actually gay, and he has been through the same things. Kurt is not alone in this. There are people around him who have experienced the same things as him. Mr Anderson, Blaine, have experienced the same things.
”I'm so sorry to hear that, Mr Anderson.”, Kurt finally says after progressing the new information, ”I'm really sorry”.
”I see a lot of my younger self in you Kurt. And I know you'll get through this. Things will get so much better. I promise.”, Blaine offers Kurt a smile, his eyes staring into the boy's bright blue ones and doesn't let go until he sees a tear falling from those same eyes.
Because by now Kurt is crying, and he didn't even notice it himself at first. But he is crying his bright eyes out and he does not know why. Maybe because the whole situation didn't really settle in his brain until now, or maybe because of Mr Anderson's comforting words. Maybe he just needed to hear those words from someone. Someone who seem to care. Someone like Blaine.
Blaine opens his mouth to say something, but stops. Instead, he quickly looks around before pulling Kurt into a tight hug. The young boy's heart doesn't start racing this time, instead, it feels like it stops. He can't feel it beating and he can't seem to breathe as he stands in the arms of this amazing, kind and caring man. His teacher. But more important, Blaine Anderson.
”Thank you.”, Kurt manages to say against Blaine's shoulder, feeling a bit embarrassed about his tears, quickly trying to wipe them away and pull himself together.
”Thank yourself.”, Blaine simply says, right into the side of Kurt's head and he can feel Mr Anderson's warm breath against his hair, and he can't help but to shiver. Is this really happening? Is Kurt standing here in the arms of his teacher, listening to the man almost tearing up along with himself? This has got to be a dream.
They both pull back, letting their eyes meet again, staring at each other. Kurt once again forgets how to breathe and how to get his heart to beat again. Their gazes yet again, hold for too long.
”Uhm. I should probably go back to the class I'm supposed to teach now. Take care Kurt.”, Mr Anderson says quickly with a look at the clock, suddenly seeming aware of that little too long lasting eye contact.
Kurt nods ”Have a good time torturing your students with facts about Shakespeare.”, he says, once again thankful for his ability to crack witty comments, even in a situation like this. Mr Anderson stops with a laugh before walking in to the classroom.
On Sunday afternoon, after a hectic week, Blaine Anderson seats himself in a tiny apartment. He groans loudly between the empty walls. He knows that he shouldn't have reacted like he did when they talked to the principal earlier. He knows he let his emotions take over and all he wanted to do was to scream in the principal's face how wrong it all was. He also knows that his conversations with Kurt Hummel have gotten a bit too personal lately. He knows that their gazes have met for too long several times now. He knows he crossed some kind of line that time he put that stupid note in Kurt's issue of Vogue. He knows it's wrong. He knows he shouldn't have done any of those things. He knows he spends to much time with the boy, too much time thinking about the boy. Still, he can not help himself from doing those things. And the man have no idea why this beautiful boy is haunting his thoughts and dreams. Because Kurt always seem to show up in Blaine's brain one way or another. It might be because Kurt is, well, amazing, Blaine thinks to himself. Kurt is kind, funny, caring, smart, open minded and freaking gorgeous. And he sure knows how to pull off a pair of skin tight jeans. Blaine feels ashamed for thinking that. Because he is a student. And Blaine, as his teacher, shouldn't notice things like that. And things like how Kurt's eyes shifts from blue to green. He shouldn't notice his beautiful lips as he speaks. He shouldn't notice his long, crossed legs under the desk in the classroom. He shouldn't notice any of that. Because he is Kurt's teacher.
And Blaine tries to force himself to believe that all he wants to do is to be a good teacher and to mentor Kurt a bit, simply because he have been through the same stuff as a kid, but he knows that something else is running through his mind. Other thoughts. Thoughts about getting to know the boy, outside of the classroom.
God, this really has to stop, Blaine groans. Because his body and brain shouldn't long for a person that is so wrong for him, but the man can not help himself from thinking about how it would be if they had met somewhere else during other circumstances. If they wouldn't have been teacher and student. What would have happened then? Blaine shouldn't even think about that, he reminds himself. Because these thoughts and feelings are wrong and inappropriate, and he knows it.
He just needs to try to stop talking to the boy, that would be the right thing to do. But god, that's not at all what he wants and once again, he can not stop himself from thinking about the boy more than he should.
That same weekend Kurt has the time to really think about what really happened. He got beaten up by someone who hates him. He got taken care of by someone who seems to care about him. Okay so it feels good to have someone who supports him like that at school. Okay, it feels freaking amazing. Kurt doesn't feel as lonely as he used to. He just has this genuine feeling of comfort and safety now. And he knows that it is stupid because a teacher should not be able to make you feel like this, but Mr Anderson does. With his passion for everything he teaches the class, with his love for coffee and bowties, and with those eyes. God, those eyes. Kurt groans in frustration at the thought. Those amazing, hazel eyes that seem to shine brighter than any star that Kurt have ever laid his eyes on.
Kurt is thankful for his new teacher. Because a supportive teacher is always good to have, right? This situation would be really perfect if Kurt's crush wouldn't have gotten way too deep. Because he is slowly starting to admit to himself that he is starting to have feelings for Mr Anderson. Real feelings. Or well, not for Mr Anderson the teacher, but for Blaine, the person behind the teacher. The short man who enjoys coffee a little too much.
Kurt is aware of that they've become a bit too personal and comfortable with each other since the beginning, and he knows he should just distant himself from the teacher. But he can't. He simply just can't. To finally have someone who makes him feel like he's actually worth something and that actually, genuinely cares about him, it feels fantastic. So why would Kurt want to stop that? Because he doesn't. And Kurt tries to tell himself to not talk too much with Mr Anderson the next day, but he does not succeed, not at all.
”Early as usual I see!”, Mr Anderson greets Kurt with a smile as he walks into the classroom the next Monday.
”How are you feeling Kurt?”, the man continues before Kurt gets the chance to crack some witty comment.
”I'm feeling fine, I promise.”, Kurt sighs. Because he really does. He feels more than fine.
”I'm glad to hear that! Otherwise, maybe this would have made you feel better.”, Mr Anderson holds up a dvd in his hand and Kurt raises his eyebrows, ”What's that?”.
”We're gonna watch a movie today.”, Blaine smiles, looking proud over himself.
Adorable, Kurt thinks.
”And why would that make me happy? I am well aware of that teachers only makes us watch horribly boring movies that were probably made just to make students fall asleep.”, Kurt teases, causing his teacher to laugh.
Kurt's heartbeat speed up. Stupid heart, he thinks.
”You're hard to impress, aren't you?”, Mr Anderson asks with a wink. Kurt catches his breath.
Oh.
They are defnitly flirting now and oh god, Kurt can't even think about it because his heart is going even more crazy.
”Depends.”, Kurt answers at last.
”Well, this movie isn't boring though, I promise you. It is actually a musical. Moulin Rogue.”, Mr Anderson smiles as Kurt's mouth falls open.
”I must say I'm impressed. Very good choice.”
”Well I thought you'd like it considering your obvious love for musical theatre.”
”Hey speak for yourself, Mr ‘you-gotta-be-a-drama-queen-if-you-wanna-work-in -the-musical-theatre-industry'. You can't fool me.”, Mr Anderson laughs loudly at Kurt's teasing comment and the boy smiles.
”That wittiness is really admirable, I must say.”
”Of course it is.”
”So how did you get in way too deep with musical theatre then?”, Mr Anderson teases, as if he is actually trying to keep their conversation going. As if he enjoys them as much as Kurt does.
”Well I literally got into it when I was a newborn.”, Kurt laughs before continuing, ”I used to watch a lot of musicals on tv with my mom when I was a kid, and then when she passed away, the musicals on the tv were the main thing that reminded me of her. And I guess I kind of used musical theatre as a way to handle my grief, but also to try to still feel a connection to her, even after she passed away. I got into another world when I watched musical theatre, and it's still like that. It saved me.”, Kurt tries to sound casual about it, but he knows it himself that that usual sad tone in his voice when he talks about his mom shines through.
”That's tragically beautiful.”, Mr Anderson says with a kind of depth, sincerity and understanding in his voice that makes Kurt shiver all over his back.
”And I'm really sorry about your mom, Kurt.”, the man continues.
”It was many years ago. It's fine.”, Kurt smiles a little, ”What about you then, when did your love for cheesy musicals start?”
The man smiles.
”Well, as a kid, my parents always made me watch movies that they both loved when my mom was pregnant with me, and then one night we watched grease, and I was just totally amazed I guess. I was about four years old by that time I think, and it stuck with me until this very day.”, his teacher tells him with a big smile.
”That's nice. Sounds like two great parents you've got there, showing you old cheesy movies and all. Very cultural of them, I must say.”, Kurt says with a wink.
”Well, I think my parents only did it because of their own, intense love for cheesy movies. And especially movies from the eighties. I mean they literally named me after a character in their favorite movie from that time, so. That explains a lot I guess.”, Mr Anderson laughs.
”Really? What movie?”, Kurt asks even though he already knows the answer. He knows this mans name, but he just want to hear him say it again.
”Pretty In Pink. They named me after that Blaine character. Apparently they watched it a lot when my mom was pregnant with me.”, Mr Anderson, Blaine, laughs.
”Blaine? Really?”, Kurt smiles. He thinks he'll never get tired of hearing that name.
”Yep, Blaine it is.”, Blaine (!), laughs once again while crossing his arms.
”You realise you just broke all the rules by telling a student your first name, right?”, Kurt jokes.
”Well I don't mind.”, Blaine answers with a wink.
And there it is again. The flirting.
”That's a really weird rule anyway.”, Blaine continues, ”I mean, having every student call us by our last name is just something to show students that we're in a higher position than them. And I don't know, it just feels a little inhuman to me. I mean, I would not mind having student's call me Blaine. But I guess most teachers feel a little more powerful and a little more professional and respected having students call them by their last name.”
”Okay wow, that's a whole analysis you've got there.”, Kurt finally says, a bit impressed by Blaine's words. Because having opinions like just makes him feel a little more, real. A little more human. A little more like just a regular person that happens to become Kurt's favorite.
”Well I may or may not have refused to call my teachers by their last name when I was in middle school.”, Blaine admits, causing the younger boy to laugh loudly.
”Not really the the ultimate dream student then, I assume?”, Kurt teases.
”No. I mean, not like you anyway.”, Blaine answers and Kurt looses his breath. The bell interrupts their eye contact and the rest of the class arrives.
Kurt hates this part. Hates enjoying a conversation with Mr Anderson, Blaine, just to get interrupted by the rest of his stupid class. Kurt just wants to talk to him without a time limit. Just like two regular people. But Kurt knows he can't, because it suddenly hits him again, Blaine Anderson is his teacher and Kurt Hummel is his student. And that's just how it is.