Months later.

Kurt manages to get through the rest of February. Also March, April and the beginning of May. He manages to survive, but he isn't any happier. Because even if he gets to see Blaine almost everyday in school, they're now back to being Mr Anderson and student Kurt Hummel. No longer Blaine and Kurt. And while they share glances a bit too often, and exchange weak smiles while passing each other in the hallway, it's not enough. Of course it isn't. Because things aren't like they used to be. Kurt is still heartbroken and he is not happy. 

Even though Nationals is coming up, and even though he nailed his NYADA audition, there's still a piece of his heart that aches. And it aches badly and Kurt doesn't know how the hell people survive these things. Because it's been months since he last held Blaine and kissed him and told him he loved him. But he still spends every night dreaming about those damned hazel eyes and about those gentle kisses against his neck. He still wants it, and he still loves Blaine. 

But within the next month, he'll know where his future is going, if he'll get in to NYADA or not, and that's when he needs to decide that he'll forget about the man he loves. Leave Blaine behind him along with the rest of Ohio in the past. Because he will not go through the rest of his life being miserable about his first love, Kurt decides. Somehow, he'll manage to get through this. And Blaine will too, he tries to convince himself. 

”Dude, you're doing it all wrong!”, Kurt rolls his eyes at the sound of Sam yelling at Finn for the hundred time this lesson. 

”I'm trying my best.”, Finn snaps, his breath jagged, receiving another frustrated groan from Sam.

”Seriously though Man Boobs, how hard can it be to get three freaking steps right?”, Santana rolls her eyes, crossing her arms in front of Finn.

”Leave him alone, he told you he is trying.”, Rachel defends the boy and Kurt rolls his eyes once again, this time because of Rachel being overly protective of her boyfriend again. 

”Try again, Finn.”, Mr Schuester asks calmly and Finn groans loudly again. 

Kurt knows his step brother is trying, but Nationals is only a few weeks away, and they need to get their dance moves right. 

”Can I leave?”, Kurt asks, his hand raised. 

He's been doing that a lot recently. Leaving. 

Leaving rehearsals, leaving school early, leaving home, leaving his friends. He knows it's destructive but he needs to escape. Usually he just drives after leaving. He can drive for hours, not even singing along to the music on the radio, he just drives. 

Sometimes he finds himself ending up outside an familiar apartment, looking up at the windows, imagining Blaine sitting in there, drinking raspberry tea and listening to vinyls. 

Forgetting about Kurt. 

”We've still got another twenty minutes of rehearsal, Kurt.”, Rachel reminds him and he rolls his eyes for what feels like the billionth time this day.

”I just need to leave now.”, he sighs, and with that, he's out the door. Ignoring his friends annoyed looks and groans. 

He's just about to close his locker and throw his bag over his shoulder when he hears a familiar humming. A shiver runs through his spine and he feels like he might collapse. He closes his eyes, because he can do this. He's been doing this for months, and he will keep doing it. He throws his bag over his shoulder and starts walking back into the school, for no reason at all. He just needs to hear that beautiful sound closer. He rounds the corner just in time to bump into a hard shoulder, feeling something spilling onto his shirt. 

”Shit! Sorry I-, Kurt?”, Kurt wants to cry at the sound of that voice so close to his face. This is the closest they've been for a long time now. 

”Hi.”, Kurt whispers, looking down at his shirt covered in coffee. 

”I'm sorry, I can't believe this is happening again.”, Blaine is panicking, looking at the stain on Kurt's shirt and the boy can hear the well hidden sad tone in his voice. 

”I guess history is repeating itself.”, Kurt manages to joke even though the main thing he wants to do is cry, and receives a quiet laugh from Blaine.

”I miss you.”, Blaine says and Kurt's eyes darts to his face. 

”Don't.”

”Sorry.”, Blaine breathes, looking as if he regretted the words the second they were out. 

And Kurt doesn't want to hear them. Or well, he kind of does. But hearing that Blaine is missing him is not making the ache in his heart stop. It just makes it worse. 

”I miss you too.”, he doesn't even plan on those words coming out of his mouth, but he doesn't mind.

Because at least it is the truth. He is missing Blaine like crazy.

”I can't believe you spilled coffee on me again.”, Kurt lets out a shaky laugh, trying to ease up the situation a little.

”Maybe it's the universe trying to force us to get back together again.”, Blaine means for it to come out as a joke, but Kurt can hear the sincerity in his voice.

”I should go.”, Kurt forces himself to say, his voice cracking up. 

”Okay.”, Blaine breathes, biting his lip. 

Kurt turns around and walks out of the school. This is exactly what he doesn't need right now. Distractions. All he need to focus on is Nationals and preparing for New York if he gets accepted to NYADA. When he gets accepted. He can't deal with his heartache anymore, he can't deal with seeing Blaine everyday and just wanting to walk up to him and kiss him until they can't remember their names anymore. But this needs to stop. 

Because this is happening. The future is getting closer, fast, and that's all Kurt needs to focus on. 

One night until Nationals and the glee club is now fully prepared. In between their constant fights about solos and competition songs, between love drama and rumors, they still managed to come up with the perfect setlist for their last competition as a group. 

And it's bittersweet. 

They're all excited for it, to win together. But after that, graduation is just around the corner, and then they'll be leaving. Some of them are off to New York, some of them to Los Angeles. Some of them will stay in Lima. They're all going in different directions, and will no longer be New Directions. 

Kurt groans loudly where he lays in his bed. 

Is that what the future have to offer? 

Friends leaving each other, leaving his father behind, leaving Blaine? He bites his lip. He shouldn't be thinking about Blaine. 

In a month, Kurt will graduate, and then he will leave Lima. And he will probably never see Blaine again.

”Stop thinking about him.”, he says to himself in the silent, dark room.

He just needs to stop thinking and go to sleep. Tomorrow the glee club is leaving for Nationals. And Kurt can not afford any last minute distractions.

He falls asleep. 

”Is your boyfriend coming backstage to kiss you today?”, Santana smirks towards him through the mirror and Kurt's body freezes. 

Nobody have really mentioned Blaine since Regionals, so now, right before they're going on stage, Kurt is a little speechless by Santana's question. 

”What?”, his voice comes out more shaky and high pitched than he wanted it to. 

”Leave him alone, Santana.”, Mercedes snaps, giving Kurt a sympathetic look.

”It's fine, Mercedes. And he's not my boyfriend.”, he says, turning to Santana again who just rolls her eyes.

”Whatever, Hummel. Still though, I got to admit I'm really impressed you managed to tap that juicy ass.”, she says casually between her red lips and Kurt's jaw drops.

”Santana! Enough!”, Mercedes warns and the other girl walks away with a ”whatever”.

”Sorry about that, Kurt.”, Mercedes continues, looking at Kurt through the mirror.

”It's fine-”, he starts before getting interrupted by the speakers saying ”Next up from McKinley High, Lima Ohio; The New Directions!”, he looks at his friend, ”Come on, let's go win this thing.”

Kurt is vaguely humming along to his friends and Mr Schuester singing We Are The Champions after their victory at Nationals. Kurt smiles. Because after three years, they did it. They won. 

”I know you're thinking about him, Kurt. But you should let yourself be happy.”, Rachel's soft voice appears beside him and he turns his head from the window.

Kurt sighs.

”Can you believe that we actually won after three years?”, she reminds him with a laugh and sits down next to him. 

”We deserve it.”, Kurt points out with a happy smile resting on his lips.

”Yeah, but it feels so surreal.”, Rachel nudges her shoulder with his and Kurt laughs a little.

Rachel's right. He should let himself be happy. They won Nationals after three years of fighting, for christ sake. He should be happy. He is happy, he tries to convince himself.

At least, maybe one day he'll be as happy as he is pretending to be. 

”Cheer up.”, Rachel shoots him a wink before standing up again, joining the song with the rest of their friends. 

She's right, Kurt decides. He needs to enjoy this. This is one of the few last moments they all have together before they leave High School. And with that, he stands up and joins them.

”Congratulations.”, Kurt is on his way out from English class that next Monday when a soft voice interrupts him.

”I heard that New Directions won Nationals.”, Blaine explains when Kurt shoots him a questioning look.

”Oh, thank you.”, he smiles, not expecting their conversation to continue.

Because they haven't been doing this for a while. Chatting before and after classes. Because even though Kurt miss it like crazy, it still just feels like torture to be around Blaine when he can't actually be with him. When he needs to get over him before he goes to New York.

”How are you doing, Kurt?”, Blaine suddenly asks him and Kurt stops in the door.

”Uhm, I'm fine. What about you?”, he answers and scratches his neck awkwardly. 

”I'm okay.”, Blaine says with a nod, as if he is trying to convince himself rather than Kurt.

”I'm glad to hear that.”, Kurt bites his lip.

”I'm really sorry, Kurt.”, the man continues and Kurt shakes his head quickly when Blane starts walking towards him. 

”Don't do this.”, Kurt begs in a whisper but makes no move to keep distance from the man. 

”Shit. I'm sorry, okay. I just miss you so much.”, shaky words leaves Blaine's mouth before cracking up.

”I miss you too.”, Kurt breathes out, swallowing the lump in his throat.

”This is not how it is supposed to be.”, Blaine whispers and Kurt raises his eyebrows. 

”We should be able to be together.”, he continues to explain and Kurt can't breathe.

”Don't do this, Blaine. We've been working our asses of to make this okay and to get over each other. Don't rip old wounds open.”, Kurt begs, taking one step back.

”I'm sorry, I just- I want to be with you.”, Blaine lets out a devastated sigh and looks up at Kurt under dark eyelashes.

Hazel mixed with bright blue.

”You should continue grading those tests.”, Kurt sighs, nodding towards the pile of paper on the teacher's desk. 

Blaine nods, biting his lip, eyes still on Kurt. 

”Do you remember that cheesy gift I gave you for christmas?”, he says before Kurt can walk out.

”Of course I do.”, Kurt answers, nodding slowly.

”Will you keep it? If you go to New York?”, he asks, voice shaky and shy and Kurt swallows loudly.

”If what you're really asking here is if I will remember you, when I go to New York,”, Kurt begins after a deep breath and Blaine looks at him with wide eyes, ”The answer is yes. I could never forget you.”

Blaine's head drops and Kurt can her a sob escaping his mouth after Kurt's answer.

”And I will never, ever regret you.”, Kurt continues, a little breathless as Blaine meets his eyes again.

And with that, Kurt is out the door and quickly makes his way out of the school. Because he can't do it. His heart can't ache and long for someone who's right in front of him, but he still can't have. Being around Blaine, hearing his words, it makes it harder. 

Kurt needs to stay away from him, how the hell will he survive if he don't? He will avoid raising his hand and talking to Blaine in class. He will avoid eye contact. He will avoid it all, he decides. And he is still broken but he needs to stop longing to get fixed by the same person who broke him. Well, really it was the world and reality who broke him. Who broke them. But he still needs to stay away from Blaine, he decides.

Kurt feels like he might throw up later that same week. Because this is the day when the letters from NYADA are supposed to arrive. Two weeks before graduation. Kurt have been trying to distract himself all weekend. He's been hanging out with Rachel but that wasn't much of a distraction since the only thing the girl could talk about was those damned acceptance letters. 

So Kurt have tried to clean, cook, read, watch movies and even to study. But still that nagging nervous feeling hits him over and over and settles in his stomach. Now he really wants to throw up. 

”You should try yoga or something Kiddo, you're so tense it looks like you're in pain.”, his father chuckles behind him as he does the dishes for the fourth time this day. 

”I'm just nervous. Wouldn't you be? This is about my whole future.”, Kurt doesn't mean to snap like that at his father, but he does anyway. 

”Calm down, kiddo. This school isn't the whole world.”, Burt tries to tell him and Kurt turns around.

”Yes dad, it is. That damned letter that I am waiting for, contains information about what my future will be like.”, Kurt know he is being overly dramatic, but he doesn't care right now. 

”You'll be fine, Kurt. Whatever might happen.”, his father lays a comforting hand on his shoulder and Kurt sighs a little.

”Sorry for being so pouty and dramatic.”, he apologizes and Burt grins towards him.

”Nothing that I'm not already used to.”, he jokes and pulls Kurt in for a hug.

”Uhm, Kurt-”, his father starts as he pulls away.

”What?”, Kurt asks with concern in his voice, ”Is it something with your heart?”

”God, no. Kurt, relax. Look outside.”, Burt answers, nodding towards the window.

”Looks like the mail just arrived.”, his father states and Kurt nods, not daring to even blink or breathe.

As if the letter wouldn't arrive if he just closed his eyes for one second. As if reality would ruin him even more if he blinked.

”Deep breaths, Kurt.”, his father tries but Kurt is already running towards the door. 

”Kurt, at least get back inside before you open it.”, Burt shouts from the door as Kurt stands frozen, starring at the letter in his hands. 

The boy swallows loudly before walking inside again.

”This is it dad. This is the key to my future.”, Kurt sits down by the kitchen table and Burt rolls his eyes before joining him.

”Kurt, if you don't get in now, you'll just apply next year.”, his father reminds him but Kurt shakes his head.

His hands are shaking almost painfully as he tries to open the letter. He inhales deeply, closing his eyes for a few seconds before unfolding the paper. 

”Dear Mr Kurt Hummel-”, he starts as he reads and Burt is chewing his lip nervously beside him.

Silence.

”What does it say?”

”I got in, dad.”, it comes out as a whimper, leaving his shaky lips and he doesn't even react when Burt shouts and laughs hysterically as he pulls his son into a tight hug.

”I knew you'd do it, Kurt! I knew it!”, he laughs but Kurt stands frozen in his father's arms.

”I have to go somewhere.”, the boy suddenly says while pulling away and Burt raises his eyebrows.

”What do you mean kiddo? We need to celebrate! Just wait until we tell Finn and Carole-”, his father starts but Kurt is already walking towards the door.

”I, uhm, I just need to go to Rachel's house. To see if she got in, too.”, Kurt lies but his father nods.

”Drive safely.”, he says, still with a huge grin on his face, holding Kurt's letter proudly in front of his face.

Kurt is barely aware of that he is driving too fast and too irresponsible, but he needs to get there as fast as possible. It doesn't take him many minutes until he stops outside a familiar brick apartment. He have to remind himself to breathe properly as he runs up the stairs, his heart pounding loudly in his ears.

Three loud knocks against the wooden door and he finally allows himself to inhale deeply.

”Kurt?”, Blaine sounds more than confused as he opens his door in front of Kurt. His hazel eyes shining, his lips parted.

”I got in. I'm going to New York. Im leaving.”