Jan. 17, 2016, 6 p.m.
You've got to hide your love away: Chapter eight
E - Words: 3,659 - Last Updated: Jan 17, 2016 Story: Complete - Chapters: 21/? - Created: Dec 01, 2015 - Updated: Dec 01, 2015 115 0 0 0 0
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Kurt feels his heart in his damn throat as he gets ready for school that next Monday. His first lesson is english and he is not sure how the hell he is supposed to act when Mr Anderson will walk though the classroom door. He shakes his thoughts away and fills his teenage body with coffee after burying himself in his most comfortable turtleneck. The drive to school feels awfully long and his fingers are shaking. And for once he is not early to class like he usually is. He just feel like leaving Blaine alone those few minutes before class might be a good idea. So instead he starts making his way to the classroom just one minute before the lesson is about to start. The bell rings and the hallway gets crowded and chaotic with students making their ways to different classrooms. Kurt walks in to English class among his classmates, eyes on the floor because he does not dare to look up to meet Blaine's hazel eyes.
”Good morning class.”, that familiar voice says and Kurt's heart shrinks.
He has been missing that voice the whole weekend and god, those eyes. Kurt can not help but carefully look at the short man a few feet away from him. In his striped shirt and black bowtie. Those skinny jeans and the usual oxford shoes. Kurt can not help but to smile and shiver a bit. Because he feels that no matter how wrong this is according to the world, this man will never fail to make Kurt smile just by the sight of him. And that's all that matters right now.
The lesson remains silent as Mr Anderson, Blaine, instructs them to read their books until the class finishes. Kurt really tries to read those last few chapters in his book, but every now and then he glances up at his teacher, just to find the man glancing back at him. And of course, Kurt's heart goes crazy beneath his ribs. And Kurt just hopes that there is no resentment or hard feelings about their moment last Friday. Because maybe, just maybe, Blaine miss it just as much as Kurt do. Maybe he does not care about the rules anymore, Kurt hopefully thinks to himself. And Kurt knows that he shouldn't be so hopeful about it, but when Blaine's hazel eyes meet his own again, his mind makes an agreement to his heart. An agreement that whatever this is, it is the greatest thing that happened to him, and he won't let it slip away so easily.
”Kurt? May I talk to you for a second?”, Blaine says as the students makes their way out of the classroom, trying to sound casual. Trying to sound a little more like Mr Anderson and a little less like Blaine.
”Sure, Mr Anderson.”, Kurt stops in front of the teacher's desk while watching the classroom getting emptied from his classmates.
”Kurt you know that what we did was wrong, don't you?”, Blaine groans as the last student leaves the room and closes the door behind them.
”I guess.”, Kurt says a little hesitant, not liking where this sounds like it's going.
”It's illegal, Kurt. And I am really sorry about it. It shouldn't have happened.”, his teacher says with a determined, but yet anxious voice.
”But, we-”, Kurt starts, he will not let them ruin this and ignore their feelings.
”No, Kurt, I- I think that's all I wanted to tell you. That it was really inappropriate of me and I am really sorry about it. That's it.”, the man interrupts Kurt, sounding more like Mr Anderson and less like Blaine, like he usually did when they talked.
Kurt can see the sad and apologizing look deep in those hazel eyes, because it shines through even though the man tries his best to keep every part of himself determined and professional.
”You should probably leave now, Kurt. You've got class in a few minutes, right?”, Blaine eventually sigh after their gazes, yet again, held for too long.
”Right.”, Kurt manages to get out.
The second he is out of the classroom he feels lost. He doesn't know where he is going or who he should talk to. He feels lonely, all of a sudden. But he is not devastated, not yet. Because he could see those unspoken words and feelings in Blaine's deep eyes, even though they never left his mouth. Yet. So Kurt tries to calm himself down, he needs to figure this out. Because he needs to hear what Blaine really wants to say, what the truth is. What his eyes told him when they stared at each other for too long, like always. The boy bites his lip while walking into his next class. He will fix this, he will not just sit back and let this slip away from him.
He feels his heart racing and his mind spinning as he knocks on the wooden door. His hands are shaking and he is pretty sure that his lungs wont work properly because he is not getting enough air. He feels light headed, but he will not back out of this. He promised himself he would do this. He takes a deep breath when the door opens.
”Kurt?”, Blaine looks up at Kurt with wide eyes, not looking confused, but hopeful?
”I know I shouldn't be here, and I know that you are my teacher and I am your student and all of that. I know, believe me. But why would we let that stop us from doing something we both really want?”, Kurt doesn't know where he found the courage to speak, but he found it somehow.
”It's illegal, Kurt.”, Blaine groans, but he looks more confused about the situation than with Kurt's objections.
”Please, Blaine, just talk. Tell me how you really feel.”, Kurt begs and Blaine seem to flinch a little when the boy uses his first name.
”No, Kurt. We can't- I- ”, Blaine finally answers after a few seconds of torturous silence.
”Please, I think I deserve to know. Because you're the one that kissed me first.”, Kurt says with a shaky voice, not intending for Blaine to feel more bad about the situation, but he just needs to do everything he can to get the man to be honest with him.
A short moment of silence and intense eye contact pass, only the sound of their breathing being heard in the small apartment.
”I already told you, what I- what we did was wrong.”, Blaine finally breathes out, looking devastated and Kurt can feel his heart pounding in a painful pace.
”But the thing is-”, the man continues and Kurt holds his breath, ”- it did not feel wrong to me. Not at all.”
Kurt wants to cry in relief. But he just lets out a shaky breath.
”So don't push it away.”, he answers, his eyes holding onto Blaine's scared hazel ones.
”You are- you're so young, Kurt.”, Blaine stands up in front of him and shakes his head in such a sad way that Kurt really just want to drag him into his arms and kiss him until he does not even remember the rules and laws anymore.
”I'm technically an adult, you know.”, Kurt tries to protest and makes the man laugh a little.
”Kurt. You knows as much as I do, that this is wrong.”, he begins with a sigh.
”Don't.”, the boy says because he does not want to hear any more reasons why this is wrong. He knows it is but he has passed the point of caring. Because like the other man said himself, this does not feel wrong. Not at all.
”Can you just, just come inside so we can sit down talk.”, Blaine sighs with a nod towards the couch.
Kurt smiles, ”Only if you give me some of that raspberry tea.”
Blaine lets out an relieved laugh, ”Deal.”, he smiles.
Okay so they might really be doing this, Kurt thinks to himself as he sits down in the tiny couch. His heart is still racing. Because this might really be happening. And somewhere in Kurt's mind, he thinks that Blaine does not seem to want to stop being close to him, and god Kurt does not want that either. He just wants to be with Blaine. He wants to drink raspberry tea with him in his little New York knockoff apartment. He wants to listen to his vinyls and watch Pretty In Pink with him. He wants to hear every little detail about Blaine's life and he wants to know why he came back from New York. Kurt wants to know everything and he wants it all.
”Here's the tea. I got us some biscuits too.”, Blaine places a plate in front of Kurt and the boy laughs a little, causing the man to raise a dark eyebrow towards him.
”I thought you said you were born in Ohio, not in Great Britain.”, Kurt teases and Blaine laughs again and Kurt just feels like he could go on doing this forever. Making Blaine laugh.
”Maybe I live a double life.”, Blaine smirks.
And Kurt smiles because they can not seem to stop doing this. To tease and to flirt, even now, when they really shouldn't be doing it. But it is like they just can't help themselves. It's such a natural thing for them to do around each other, to tease and to flirt, and Kurt does not mind it at all, even regarding the serious situation right now.
”Oh do not go all Hannah Montana on me.”, Kurt jokes and rolls his eyes, smiling as he hears even more laughter leaving the other ones lips.
”That wittiness.”, Blaine just says.
Kurt shrugs, ”I guess you could say it's my native language.”
Kurt place himself on the couch and Blaine is quick on his feet to go get the tea and biscuits. Kurt smiles. And then his mind becomes aware of the couch he is sitting on because how is he supposed to not think about what happened here, in this very couch, a few days earlier? There were tongues chasing, swollen lips, hands cupping cheeks and hands on hips, in this couch. Kurt shivers.
”There you go.”, Blaine says as he hands Kurt a cup.
”So. Talk?”, Kurt says and Blaine sighs, as if he he thought they could avoid the subject for just a little longer and just enjoy each others company instead. At least that's what Kurt is hoping that he is thinking.
”I can go first, if you want.”, Kurt says when he sees the other man struggling to talk, biting his lips hard with scared eyes on Kurt.
Blaine nods with a thankful look on his face.
”I don't really know what to say either. I mean-”, Kurt starts before looking into those hazel eyes and then he just can't help himself, ”I think that you are absolutely amazing and absolutely gorgeous.”
”Kurt.”, Blaine breathes out and Kurt just want those damn, perfect lips to be on his again.
”Kurt, I- I adore you, okay. You are- you're beautiful. But you are my student.”, he continues and Kurt shakes his head to protest even though it feels like he isn't even able to even breathe after Blaine's confession.
”I'm also a person, Blaine. No matter if we're a teacher and a student, we're still people. People who feel things. We can't help it. It's natural. And I don't think that our hearts and minds gives a damn about the fact that this is not supposed to happen because of the fact that you are my teacher and I am your student. And neither do I.”, Kurt is rambling by now and Blaine is looking at him with wide hazel eyes.
”Kurt-”, he begins with a deep sigh.
”No. I know what you're going to say, but I know that you feel it too, I know you do-”, Kurt continues, his voice a little shaken and his eyes determined.
Before he can finish his little speech, he is interrupted by Blaine's lips against his. Lips that are eager on his own and once again, they taste like raspberry tea. Kurt sighs into the kiss. How could something like this be wrong? Two people breathing heavily in each others arms, lips glued together, how could that be wrong? Kurt does not know. Neither does Blaine. And neither do any of them care at all about that right now.
”God, I want to do this, Kurt, I- I really want to-”, Blaine begins to breathe out between their kisses, ”I- I could lose my job.”, his voice sounds weak.
”Blaine.”, Kurt interrupts him, slowly pulling away from the man's face.
”Shit, I'm crazy about you.”, Blaine groans, leaning his forehead against his hands, as if he just confessed something terrible. Kurt smiles.
”Then give me a chance.”, Kurt breathes.
”You know that we can't do this, Kurt.”, Blaine sighs.
”But you know that we will do it anyway.”, Kurt tries, feeling his heart in his damn throat by now.
”We can not tell anyone about this, Kurt.”, the hazel eyed man then says and Kurt feels like his heart stopped.
Did Blaine just imply that they might be doing this?
Kurt swallows loudly, ”And we won't.”, he says.
”If anyone finds out-”
”They won't.”
”This is bad idea.”
”Don't”,
”God, I'm a mess.”, Blaine eventually says before pulling Kurt's face into another eager kiss. And Kurt will never ever get tired of this, he thinks. Because it feels like there's a rollercoaster going on inside of his stomach and his brain is blank and he can not seem to focus on anything but those damn lips. Those lips that are on his own, a little swollen and a little red, and somewhere in between all of that both of them look up to find each others eyes again. Blaine's hazel ones are darker than usual and he is quick to capture Kurt's lips again. Kurt sighs into the kiss now and he is pretty sure that his heart is literally breaking free from his chest this very moment, crushing his ribs to get out. Because Blaine's arms are around Kurt's waist now and Kurt manage to get his hands up to Blaine's gelled hair. The shiny, dark, very tight gelled hair. Kurt smiles into the kiss when he can feel one single curl breaking free from all the hair products. Their gazes meet again and there's that perfect mix of hazel and bright blue. A buzzing from Kurt's pocket interrupts their eye contact and completely ruins that beautiful little moment that was going on. Kurt groans in frustration and pulls up his phone.
”It's my dad.”, he states, looking at the screen, ”I promised him we would Skype this time today.”
”Getting pulled back to reality then I guess.”, Blaine sighs, brushing two of his fingers against Kurt's cheek.
”I guess.”, Kurt agrees, leaning into Blaine's light touch against his face. This all feels too good to be true, the boy thinks.
”I also guess that I need to go home now.”, Kurt states and Blaine tilts his head a little, pouting.
”Don't do that!”, Kurt laughs at Blaine's face, causing the man to smile.
”I guess I'll see you in class tomorrow then.”, Blaine says as he walks Kurt to the door.
”I guess you will.”, Kurt agrees, holding Blaine's gaze.
And then Blaine's lips are on his again. It's a slow, deep kiss. With Blaine's hands around his waist, and Kurt's hands around the mans neck. Chest to chest and there is something about this particular kiss that makes Kurt forget how to breathe.
”You take my breath away.”, Kurt whispers against his lips and can feel Blaine's smile.
”You mean, literally? Because you do seem a little breathless.”, Blaine teases with his lips still lazily on Kurt's.
”Don't be cocky now, Mister.”, Kurt tells him with a laugh, pulling away just to see Blaine's eyes darken at his words.
”See you tomorrow.”, Kurt manages to say while fumbling with his hand around the doorknob behind him.
”See you tomorrow.”, Blaine breathes out with a smile, letting his hand slide down Kurt's cheek.
Kurt needs to convince every inch of his body to actually move and walk out of the apartment when all he wants to do is stay on that damn couch. Having those lips on his. But he also knows that he had promised his father that they were going to talk on Skype this afternoon. And the boy do not want to come up with some lying explanation to Burt if he misses their Skype appointment.
Kurt arrives at his house and quickly walks into the dark house. He turns the lights on and sighs a little, he could easily get used to having the whole house to himself now that both Burt and Carole are out off town, and Finn is with Rachel. He does his very best not to seem suspiciously jumpy and nervous while Skyping with his father a little later. But how is the boy supposed not to feel jumpy and have a freaking zoo with butterflies in his stomach after his visit at Blaine's earlier.
”So anyway, how's school? Any further information about that Karofsky kid?”, Burt says after a few minutes into skyping.
Kurt sighs, ”Not really.”
”Not any? Maybe that teacher of yours, that Mr Anderson guy, could help keeping an eye on you now that I am out of town and all that?”
Kurt's heart jumps a little. Mr Anderson sure does keep an eye on him, if not two, Kurt thinks to himself, biting back a grin.
”I guess. I mean, he did tell me that I could come talk to him if i'm having any troubles with someone. So he's like a mentor, I guess.”, Kurt tries his very best to sound casual while talking about Mr Anderson, Blaine, and is once again again thankful for those acting exercises in Glee club, making it easy for the boy to hide his excitement and nervousness.
”Well, that sounds good to me.”, Burt nods.
”It does.”
”Hey kiddo, I gotta go now. I promised to go on this fancy dinner thing with some of the other workers here.”
”Okay. Have fun, and take it easy.”
”I always do, kiddo.”
”Bye dad.”
”Bye Kurt.”
Kurt closes his computer and leans back against his pillow. He shakes his head. His dad's few words about Mr Anderson really has got the boy thinking about exactly what Blaine meant when he said that they can not tell anyone”. Because this is not something that Kurt can discuss with his dad, or Carole, or Rachel or Mercedes or anyone, he knows that. But he is fine with that, even though it's his first love and all. He is not sure how much he would tell his father about his love life anyway, even if it was a normal relationship. ”Normal”, Kurt thinks with a groan. But he doesn't really think that it matters that what they have might not be ”normal” in other people's eyes. Because it feels perfectly normal to them. Perfectly natural. So whatever if Kurt needed to keep this a secret. It might be fun, he thinks to himself, biting his lip.
Fifteen minutes away, in a New York inspired apartment, Blaine Anderson is lying on his couch with his face in his hands.
This is so wrong, he thinks to himself. But then again. It does not feel like it. If there weren't any stupid rules about this whole teacher/student thing, nobody would think that it was wrong. Well, except from a few homophobes, but still. If him and Kurt had met on a street in New York or in some café on a rainy day, it would be as normal as it could get. Because right now, in this situation, it is the rest of the world that thinks that it's all wrong. So wrong that it's against the law.
Blaine groans into his hands. Because to him, and to the other boy, this does not feel wrong at all. God, it feels like the only thing right in this world, Blaine thinks. Because it's just love. Nothing else. Nothing dangerous or shocking or anything like that. And Blaine is sure about that he certainly has never had anyone make his heart speed up so fast. To make his lips not seeming to do anything but smiling. And this boy is the most beautiful, smart, inspiring, charming, creative, witty person that Blaine Anderson have ever met. He is sure of that. But why does all of those qualities, and that personality and that beauty, happen to shape inside one of his students. Someone that the world thinks is completely wrong for him.
He groans again. Maybe he should just stop caring, Blaine thinks. Stop caring about anyone elses opinion about this. Stop caring about the rules and laws and everything like that. To simply only care about Kurt. Blaine lets out another groan. Because if they would do all that, stop caring about the rules and about their surroundings, Blaine would lose his job. And Kurt. Blaine does not even want to think about what could happen to the boy his heart speeds up for. Maybe he would get treated even worse. Blaine tenses at the thought. Okay, so this does have to be a secret thing, the man thinks to himself. No one can now, but that's fine. As long as he gets to be with Kurt, everything is fine.