Jan. 13, 2013, 6:36 p.m.
It's Not Right, and I'm Not Okay: Chapter 3
T - Words: 2,464 - Last Updated: Jan 13, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 4/? - Created: Oct 01, 2012 - Updated: Jan 13, 2013 385 0 6 0 0
The next morning the hospital is cold and gloomy when Blaine wakes up from his uncomfortable sleep in the chair beside Kurt’s bed. He’d fallen asleep leaning onto the small hospital bed clutching onto Kurt’s hand for dear life. He’s groggy and unaware due to the complete lack of sleep he’d gotten the previous day and the tiny bits of sleep he had gotten during the night hadn’t really helped. He’s startled when a nurse comes in through the large beige door behind him. He jumps from his seat and turns around shocked and scared.
“I’m sorry I scared you, I’m just here to check his vitals dear” the nurse tries to calm him. He tells her very politely that it was fine, and that he’d just woken up so that was the only reason he’d been frightened. She checks Kurt’s vitals surprisingly without waking him and then she goes to leave but stops before she makes it out the door. “You know honey you should go down to the cafeteria and get some food or coffee or something. He’s going to be out for a while; they gave him a really strong dose of medicine before he fell asleep last night. And you can’t be there for him if you aren’t taking care of yourself” she tries to coax him.
“Alright, but I’ll only be gone for a little while” he gives in. He knows Kurt will be fine, he’s sleeping and Blaine will be back before he wakes up anyways. But he’s still nervous leaving Kurt alone. In his mind he knows nothing bad will happen. He’s on intense watch, nothing can happen. But the last time he’d left his love alone he’d ended up in the hospital so his nerves are eating away at him. With a kiss to Kurt’s forehead he leaves off to the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee like the nurse suggested.
Not ten minutes later Blaine is standing in line in the cafeteria waiting for his cup of coffee when he hears a hair-raising announcement over the intercom that sends his fears jolting through his body. “Blaine Anderson please report back to the psychiatric ward immediately. Blaine Anderson report back to the psychiatric ward immediately” the lady over the intercom speaks. Without even thinking Blaine’s feet start carrying him faster and faster until he reaches the ward. He can hear Kurt screaming from all the way down at the nurse’s station. Wild and panicking he’s searching for someone to tell him what’s going on. “What’s going on?” he asks the first nurse he sees.
“Who are you?” she asks. He doesn’t blame her he’s pretty sure he looks absolutely insane but he doesn’t really care. He just needs to see Kurt, to make Kurt better. To tell him that he loves him and everything is going to be okay. He needs to hold him in his arms and calm his screams. Sooth the ache in his heart and heal the cuts on his wrists. He needs to make everything better and he needs to do it now.
“Blaine. Blaine Anderson. I’m here for Kurt Hummel, they-they called me over the intercom. Please I need to see him” he says frantically. The name clicks in the young nurse’s mind and suddenly she’s rushing him down the hall to room 518. Through the frosted glass window Blaine can see two nurses trying to calm and soothe Kurt.
“Are you his brother?” the unknowing nurse asks before she opens the door. Blaine’s not sure what to tell her. He doesn’t want to say that he is because Blaine Anderson is not a liar. But he’s not sure if he should share the truth with her. He decides in his mind that there really isn’t time for a whole big debate about it so he flat out tells her that he is Kurt’s boyfriend. Thankfully the woman fully accepts that and she explains that Kurt is having a panic attack and he’s been asking for him. She tells him that the most important thing is trying to get Kurt calm so he doesn’t slip into unconsciousness and she explains that Blaine will need to be calm for the both of them. He thanks her for calling him before hastily moving into the room to try and soothe Kurt.
“Shh, baby it’s me. I’m here” he soothes as soon as he’s close enough to touch Kurt. He pulls himself right up beside the bed and leans over Kurt’s face. He cups the older mans pale porcelain cheeks in his hands and rests their foreheads together. He presses light kisses to Kurt’s lips and wipes the tears from his cheeks with his thumbs. “Kurt baby, it’s Blaine. I’m here you’re safe no one is going to hurt you. You’re alright. Please baby stop crying, I’m here. You don’t need to be scared anymore. I’ve got you” Blaine coos. He scoots them both over so he can get on the bed. Easily he lifts Kurt’s lithe frame and settle him in his lap. Blaine leans back against the raised head of the bed and Kurt leans back against his chest finally calm enough to let Blaine wrap his strong, sweat shirt covered arms around him.
“Blaine?” Kurt chokes out from his dry and raw throat. The sound is so weak and pathetic it makes Blaine want to cry. Or punch someone; preferably the New Directions; the bastards. But right now he can’t because he has to continue to soothe Kurt for another 20 minutes before Kurt is anywhere near ready to talk. “Blaine why weren’t you hear I was so scared. So scared” Kurt cries silently against Blaine’s chest. His head is cuddled into the crooks of Blaine’s neck and his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry baby, I just went to get some coffee I thought you were going to be asleep still” Blaine explains soothingly as he rubs tiny circles on Kurt’s stomach. He repeatedly kisses the side of his forehead lovingly and tightens his arms around Kurt just a little bit, just enough to silently say ‘I’m here now, and I love you. I’ll never let them hurt you ever again’. Kurt seems to get the message because he lets out a long over due breath of air.
“God I’m being so stupid” Kurt mutters. The tone in his voice scares Blaine. He can hear self loathing and shame and Blaine wants nothing more than to wipe it away and never hear it again. It has got to be the worst sound Blaine’s ever heard; worst than nails on a chalk board and worst than babies screaming and crying. It’s all in all just a terribly heart breaking sound and Blaine wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemies. Well maybe the Ne Directions but again, it’s still not the time for that. But oh the time will come.
“You’re not stupid Kurt, I told you I’d be here when you woke up and I wasn’t. It’s my fault please don’t blame yourself. I love you baby, and I’m not going to leave without you knowing again, okay?” Blaine tells him. He hates that Kurt feels like this and he does not want to be adding any stress what Kurt already feels.
He’d known Kurt was having problems with bullying and his friends. It was obvious on his face the moment they’d met. The way his smile would never quite reach its full potential and his eyes were an icy colour of blue. It was heartbreakingly beautiful when he looks back to that moment; the moment when he first really saw Kurt, he knows it must have been how taped together the boy looked. He looked put together because of the way he held himself. But anyone could tell he was merely taped together.
“I love you so much Blaine. And I feel crazy because I’ve only known you for like two weeks and I know it’s illogical to be in love with someone that fast but Blaine I’m sure I love you. I knew from the moment that I saw you I loved you” Kurt continues to cry silently and Blaine joins him because really he needed it. He felt like he could finally breathe. Kurt would be okay. He was sure of it. But for now they both needed a break from life. From what had happened and from what had yet to come. Kurt wasn’t sure which one he was more scared of. Facing the past or starting the future.
Later that day, sometime in the late afternoon Burt showed up at the hospital. Kurt was asleep and Blaine really didn’t want to wake the sleeping beauty but he really needed to talk to Burt, he gently kissed Kurt’s forehead, then his cheek and finally his moment Blaine swore they would make it through all that had yet to come.
“I like being kissed awake” Kurt comments whole heartedly. Unfortunately it doesn’t really sound that way because it makes it out of his throat scratchy and quiet. All the crying had really token a toll on his body, one that he hadn’t really been aware of until then. He was wearing a retched hospital gown; he didn’t even remember being changed from the white Henley and skinny jeans he’d been wearing when he was brought in.
“And I like kissing you awake” Blaine giggles softly into his ear. He pecks the smaller boy’s ear softly to emphasize his point. Kurt giggled too. It was beautiful. “Listen baby, your Dad is here. So I’m going to go and get something to eat while he comes in here with you for a bit alright?” Blaine asks worriedly. He doesn’t want to leave Kurt’s side but knows he really shouldn’t be hogging so much of Kurt’s time in the first place. He should be gracious for what he gets in the first place. Burt doesn’t have to let him be here, but he was allowing it and that’s all that mattered.
“But what if he hates me?” Kurt asks. Somehow, if it were even possible, his voice seemed smaller, quieter. Tears bubbled over the edge of Kurt’s eyes and started racing down his cheeks before Blaine even had time to stop them coming at all. Not too mention that what Kurt had said baffled him enough. If there was one thing Burt Hummel wasn’t was mad at Kurt. The elder man certainly didn’t hate his son. He might not have understood why he chose to try what he chose but that didn’t mean he hated Kurt. If anything it proved just how much Burt really did love Kurt, but clearly Kurt couldn’t see that.
“I promise you your father doesn’t hate you Kurt; far from it actually. When I called to tell him that I found you I swear Kurt I heard his heart break. He loves you so much Kurt, it’s something we have in common. He might not understand at the moment why you did what you did but with time he will and we’ll all be there to love and support you all the way to recover and beyond that. He’s you Dad, nothing changes that and nothing changes his love for you. You have nothing to worry about baby” Blaine consoles the distressed boy.
Kurt simply nods and kisses Blaine’s surprisingly scruffy cheek. He makes a mental note to text his Mom and ask her to bring him his razor so he can go into one of the bathroom on the main floor and shave. There are no sharp objects of any kind aloud in the psychiatric ward so he won’t be able to shave there, but he’ll find somewhere. Then he’ll be right back at Kurt’s side. “I won’t be gone long” he promises and with another kiss to the forehead, cheek and mouth he’s out the door.
He’s greeted in the hallway not only by Burt, but Burt, Carole and Finn. Blaine wants to scream and yell and punch something. How dare Finn show up like this; like he isn’t the guilty one? Blaine’s rage almost bubbles over the top but instead he simply taps Finn on the shoulder and asks to speak with him while Burt and Carole go in too see Kurt. Finn can see the fire in Blaine’s eyes but nonetheless he agrees and they walk out of the ward and down to the lobby of the hospital then straight out into the parking lot. Blaine wants to make sure he’s able to scream.
“How dare you!” Blaine screams as soon as they seem to be alone. He can feel hot prickly tears welling up in his eyes as they turn a vibrant shade of red to match his fury. His hands fly around in the air as he yells. He tries to keep them away form Finn because he is a Dalton Academy Warbler and he is classy but when it comes to Kurt all his carefully laid rules and handbooks fly out the window with his inhibitions and all that’s left is raw Blaine.
“Do you realize what you’ve done? What all the New Direction’s have done. You guys are the reason Kurt is even here Finn. You. You and Rachel, and Mercedes and Tina and everyone. You are all pathetic and stupid. How could you not see the Finn? I’ve known the guy for seventeen days and from day one I could tell something wasn’t right with him. And you’ve all been with him for most of his life and you still didn’t notice anything wrong with him? It’s pathetic Finn. Not to mention that on top of not noticing him slipping away you’re also the ones bullying him. He told me Finn. He told me how Rachel called him a chubby thirteen year old girl, and how you made him stay in his room all night while you hung out with the football team in your shared home. And he also told me how you sat down there and laughed with them about how Kurt’s a ‘fag’. Do you think he’s just a fag Finn?” Blaine screeches angrily.
“What? No!” Finn tries to step in but it’s clearly not going to work because Blaine is furious. His tiny body is filled with hot red rage. His hands are shaky and he can’t think straight. He really wants to punch Finn. So he does.
A/N: Hey there readers! Sorry this has taken so long. I really like this idea but it’s depressing to write so it’s been taking a while. Hopefully the next part won’t be so far away! Oh and I’m turning this into an actual multi-chapter story so don’t worry. Thanks for still reading. PLEASE REVIEW?
Comments
Blaine's a badass now, NICE!!!
Yes, Blainey Boy is a badass now! ~ Thanks for reading/reviewing! It means a lot to me that you read it! If you want to see some of my other stuff you should check me out on fanfiction.net, it's where I post most of my stuff! And also, if you'd like follow me on tumblr! lesklainerables.tumblr.com! I always follow back!
It's ok. I loved the chapter. Go Blaine.
Thank you I loved this chapter too! ~ Thanks for reading/reviewing! It means a lot to me that you read it! If you want to see some of my other stuff you should check me out on fanfiction.net, it's where I post most of my stuff! And also, if you'd like follow me on tumblr! lesklainerables.tumblr.com! I always follow back!
This was really good. It is nice to see that Blaine is able to comfort and calm Kurt when he suffers a panic attack and that he is able to reassure him that he is loved and not hated. I love the relationship that Blaine and Burt have as well since it gives Kurt a united team to protect him from those looking to cause him pain. I also enjoyed seeing Blaine tell Finn off and make him see that he is the cause for a good portion of Kurt's pain. I look forward to seeing what happens next.
Thank you, I think this is my favourite thing that I've ever written and it's glad to know people are enjoying it! I'll try to update soon! ~Thanks for reading/reviewing! It means a lot to me that you read it! If you want to see some of my other stuff you should check me out on fanfiction.net, it's where I post most of my stuff! And also, if you'd like follow me on tumblr! lesklainerables.tumblr.com! I always follow back!