Square One

I will not forget the moment we told Rachel about our decision. It was such a piercing scream, I thought the ringing aftermath was going to last me the rest of my life. Then she screamed some more when we I told her that we won’t be changing our names. Anyway, Rachel and Jesse got to work and drafted a proposal for what they ridiculously called an Elevator pitch—to this day I have no idea why they call the meeting an elevator pitch. I remember you once said that it could be a metaphor for it possibly going either way.

Dec 13th, 2017 The Hummel – Anderson cozy living room 12:26pm

Pitch Discussion:

“The only way I can see this “elevator pitch” going is crashing down in the basement,” Kurt says, too skeptical about anyone picking up the show. “I mean, why is our story so special? I could see them wanting to do a show about The Kardashians because they’re a bunch of rich wackos...but we’re just two guys with a long story…”

“It’s not just a long story. It’s a love story! Besides, there’s a whole lot of TV shows and movies out there that are based on the lives of ordinary people,’ Rachel points out with unfailing optimism. “Take Seinfeld for an example, or Please Like Me…”

“Yeah but they’re both great comedians,” Kurt protests, unable to wrap his head around the idea. “And not mention, famous.”

“Hello,” Rachel points at herself. “I’m sitting right here…”

“But you’re the famous one,” Kurt counters, “not us.”

“Have some faith, Kurt,” Jesse cuts in. “After all, it’s not just the story, but how it unfolds. Also this will be great for the LGBTQ community, a normal story about two men falling in love. All people think about gay people is how they have sex…now don’t give me that face Kurt, you know they do …Also, we already have an in with Ryan Murphy. We’ve got this in the bag.”

“And, Ryan loves me and would do anything to help me out,” Rachel adds. “He even told me I’m like the daughter he’d never had!”

And she was right. Ryan was with us all the way, helping us get our foot in the door and more... At first he just wanted to be a bystander, but then when he read the first episode, he offered to be a Co-producer and Rachel almost lost her mind again. Honestly, knowing that he was going to be there throughout the whole production was a relief. Not that I didn’t trust Jesse and Rachel; they were amazing and so dedicated, but it was nice to have a veteran helping us out on the show—our own Fairy God Father.

After the pitch was written and sent out to several prospective entertainment companies, all we had to do was to wait for their reply. However, waiting at home during the first week of our holiday brought out the OCD I usually suffer from whenever I’m stressed. It also brought out the murderer in Rachel, since I got into the habit of calling her every two hours on the dot, especially that one time I interrupted her couple’s deep tissue massage. Thankfully, you surprised me with a spontaneous trip to Disneyland, otherwise I would have rearranged the furniture all throughout the house! And you know when I do that I start planning to rip out the tiles and change the hardwood, and before you know it the whole place would probably be gutted.

Then one day, as we were unloading our luggage back into the house from our impromptu trip, we finally get The Phone Call.

Dec 22nd, 2017 The Hummel-Anderson slightly unkempt front lawn 10:52 am

The Phone Call:

Kurt was still high in the sky after the magical trip to Disney, so much, that when he got The Phone Call from Rachel, he had all but forgotten about the show. The last he had heard from Rachel she told, very sternly, not to call her until she does. So, when his phone rings he says: “Oh it’s, Rachel.”

“Oh my god,” Blaine gasps, making Kurt jump out of his skin. “This is it!”

“This is what?”

“THE SHOW!”

Kurt’s eye bug out as it suddenly dawns on him. He immediately answers and hits the speaker button. “Hey Rachel,” Kurt says as he shares a trepid glance with an otherwise grinning Blaine. Actually, it was more than grinning, it was teetering towards madness.

“Guess what!?” Rachel singsongs into the phone, and Kurt could already feel a lump starting to form in his throat from sheer anticipation.

“What? What is it?” Blaine asks excitedly, his eyes wide and eager with hope.

“NETFLIX SAID YES!” She yells into the phone, low at first then it turns into a full on shriek. Kurt was so shocked he was rendered speechless; he never thought anyone would be interested in their story let alone Netflix.  

“YES!” Blaine jumps around and pumps his fists in the air. “OH MY GOD THAT IS AWESOME!”

“I KNOW!” Rachel recovers from her shriek. “But listen I gotta go! We’re packing and jumping back on the plane in a couple of hours! See you guys tomorrow for brunch?”

“Yes! See you then!” Blaine agrees on Kurt’s behalf and ends the phone call.

They stare at each other for a moment before they hug one another and start jumping around in the front lawn like they’ve just won a VIP meeting with Benedict Cumberbatch. Their excitement was so loud a series of dog barks went off all the way down their block, forcing a couple of curious neighbours to come out of their homes.

The best part about getting the gig was how we actually landed the deal with Netflix. It turns out, paramount studios was flat out not interested worried that it might be a repeat of The New Normal. Next, Universal wanted to put a twist on the show by giving your character Chlamydia and turning it into an American version of Love Sick. First, it was too…un-Blaine-like. You’re always too careful with that stuff, which is yet another thing I love about you. As far as I know, and even after our first time, our tests always came back negative. And I knew that if you were ever to unfortunately contract something, you would tell me, whether we’re together or not. Must be that Catholic guilt passed down through your ancestors—minus the religion. Second, and we had this conversation with Rachel and Jesse already, this show was to be be based on real life events, ONLY. Thanks to Rachel’s and Jesse’s profound loyalty, they refused the offer on the spot, which led them right to Netflix.

Netflix, there aren’t enough good things to say about that company: they are always on the lookout for the creatively progressive, and their eagerness to help their creators is astounding. They even built studios so they can help their own shows save on their filming budgets. How amazing is that? Because they are so cool, they said yes after ten minutes from hearing the pitch. And just like that the papers were signed and everything started rolling like a maglev bullet train. But before we jump on the high-speed train that is our show, and blow our hair in the wind, I would like to rewind to the day we formulated our pitch.

Dec 13th 2017 The Hummel – Anderson living room/ detour to the Kitchen 7:03 pm

Pitch Formulation:

“Ugh!” Rachel expels her sigh of deep frustration as she dramatically falls back onto the couch, and Jesse echoes her mood by rubbing his face with both hands. “Why is this so difficult?”

“Tell me again, why we can’t we tell the story just the way it is?” Kurt asks as he adjusts his legs over Blaine’s lap on the adjacent couch.

“I told you already, we need a setup, a format that would get the audience excited,” Rachel insists for fiftieth time. Kurt can be so insufferable sometimes.

“Then why don’t we go by year?” Blaine suggests.

“Because that’s boring…” Rachel says bluntly—if Blaine took offense, no one noticed. PS…he did take offense—“Might as well go in alphabetical order…” she continues. 

 “Why don’t we do that?” Jesse suggests.

“There is no reason to go in alphabetical order!” Rachel bites back. Gosh someone’s in a bad mood. It reminded Jesse of that time Rachel had to go on a severe low-carb diet after a rough course of antibiotics...bitch doesn’t even cover it.

“We could always find a reason,” Jesse counters ignoring her bite like a good husband should. “It’s Hollywood, weird is good.”

“Sure, but we don’t want to make it weird, we need to make it inviting,” Rachel dismisses her husband’s suggestion flippantly. Jesse wants to let out a huge sigh, but he keeps in. No reason to wake the beast and delay the process.

Silence reigns again…except for Jesse drumming his pen on his thigh. Plat, plat, plat, plat, and it is keenly chafing on Kurt’s patience.

“What if we do something like Jane the Virgin?” Kurt suggests, trying his best to distract himself from snapping at Jesse’s fidgeting. “Don’t you think it’s fun?”

“Come on, Kurt,” Rachel cries out in frustration. “We’ve already been through this! It’s not some good old story or a silly romance comedy. I want this project to win awards and get recognition! I want it to be one of the best shows: a show that people will watch over and over again. Like Friends or Will and Grace for example…”

“Or Sherlock,” Blaine agrees. “I watch that show once a year.”

“You’re forgetting that this is our story, Rachel! Not yours to do whatever the hell you want with it!” Kurt points out as calmly as he could, which wasn’t very calm. Seeing the threat of a thunderstorm fight coming along—Kurt being the thunder and Rachel being the storm-ing off part—Jesse stops tapping his pen and speaks.

“Okay, guys, let’s not go there,” Jesse says with polite authority. “You’re both right. That’s why we’re all meeting here, so we can work together and figure something that will work for all of us. Rachel, and I'm not saying this because I’m biased, I know you want this show to be amazing and I agree. And Kurt your idea is great too and I added it to our list, which we will go through once we’ve exhausted all avenues. Okay?” Jesse looks pointedly at both parties he’s addressing. And they both nod.

“Right,” Kurt steps down, feeling a little guilty. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out…”

“Me too,” Rachel agrees. “Look, I understand where you’re coming from. I know it’s your story and I told you I am going to care of it like it’s my own child.”

“I know,” Kurt smiles at her.

And they’re back to Square one; still no solid formula.

“You know what I think?” Blaine pipes up. “I think we all need some dinner. We’ve been at this for four hours and I think the lack of nourishment is getting the best of us.”

“He’s right; I’m starving,” Kurt says as he realizes how hungry he is. “How about some Sushi?”

Once everyone agrees on what to order, Blaine heads to the kitchen to take a look at the menu tacked onto the fridge door and that’s when he sees it. A close up photo of Kurt’s hand, intertwined with his, boasting the engagement ring he gave him: a beautiful, quarter-inch thick, silver band with a row of delicate diamonds inserted around its middle. He gingerly removes the photo from under the magnet and studies the captured moment. As the idea formulates in his mind, a wide, slightly impish grin spreads on his face.

In the living room, Kurt is checking an email from his dad when he receives a phone call from…Blaine? What the hell?

“Hello?” Kurt answers dubiously. “Why are you calling me on my pho—“

“Come to the kitchen,” Blaine instructs eagerly. “I have something to show you.”

“What going on?” Kurt asks curiously as he walks into the kitchen and finds Blaine sitting at the island. Sporting a triumphant grin, Blaine slides the photo towards his husband. Kurt picks up the photo and stares at it for a moment, and back at Blaine, clearly confused.

“Why am I looking at this?” Kurt asks, his dubiousness doubling.

“I think the story should start with our proposal,” Blaine explains.

“Oh…Why there?” Kurt knows why, but he is praying it’s not what he thinks it is.

“The talk, of course,” Blaine clarifies.

Ah yes: The Talk; the talk that explained Blaine’s abrupt disappearance from Kurt’s life for most of 2014. It was around the time Blaine had hit rock bottom, and was forced by his friend, Connor, to re-evaluate his life, and to do that, Connor insisted that he stay away from Kurt until he was ready to face him without any serious baggage. Kurt remembers the day he came over to Blaine’s house to inquire about his disappearance, and instead, he found Connor, who simply told him: “If you want what’s best for him, I’d leave him alone. He’ll find you when he’s ready. I promise.” And that was it. No other explanation, until they had the talk.

“We don’t have to do it, Kurt,” Blaine quickly assures as he senses his husband’s reticence. “It’s just an idea.”

Some people may think, at this moment, that Blaine is using his massive characterful eyes to guilt Kurt into accepting his idea. But, lucky for Kurt, he knows the difference between Blaine’s genuine and pouty puppy eyes, and what he’s seeing now is definitely genuine. Fuck…Kurt can’t do this to Blaine. His idea is just too good, and makes for an interesting nonlinear, mysterious storytelling. Kurt couldn’t bring himself to disagree, so he decided to put his reservations aside and follow Blaine’s footsteps.

“No,” Kurt says confidently. “I think it’s a great idea.”

“Really?” Blaine beams at him.

“Yeah,” Kurt smiles back. “Let’s do it.”

Maybe it’s time that I admit that I was super nervous when you shared your idea with me, and when you presented it to Rachel and Jesse, the whole project suddenly became too real. Naturally, my anxiety spiked. This time, though, my fear wasn’t about the loss of privacy. It stemmed from a deeper place, where my unhealed wounds resided. The biggest of them all was the year when you gradually dropped out of my life, leaving a gaping hole in your wake. It was so rough, because I had lost my only confidant. Jeff tried his best to fill that space to keep me sane, but it just wasn’t the same. Be that as it may, I understood why you had to do it. Of course, I don’t think that way anymore, but that night, when you proposed your idea to me, it felt like a thread in our relationship had come loose again, threatening to unravel everything we had worked towards. In the end, it turned out that I was wrong. Your idea brought us much closer…that was until you sprung that massive lie you hid from me for so many years…but don’t worry, I’m over that too.

Dec 15th, 2015 The Hummel-Anderson bedroom/ emergency room visit 5:52 pm

The Proposal:

December 15th is here and Kurt is so glad to turn off the lights to his studio one last time before the New Year. This day will mark the start of his and Blaine’s Christmas tradition as a couple. Starting this year, every first week of their vacation will be spent with each other, alone. For the rest of the holiday they would visit with friends and family—with Burt and Carol joining them from Lima, Ohio—and finally capping the end of 2015 at Times Square.

When Kurt walks through the door he is met by a wonderful aroma of a home cooked grommet meal.

“Hello, Darling!” Kurt intones, loud enough for Blaine to hear. No answer. “What are you cooking? It smells divine,” he continues as he hangs his coat. Before he could head to the kitchen to investigate the delicious meal, his eye is caught by a trail of party confetti, making its way up the stairs. A curious frown develops on Kurt’s face. What is Blaine doing throwing confetti all over their plush carpet? Kurt thinks to himself. Whatever it is, it must be worth it, because Blaine loathes vacuuming. A strange trait since he loves to keep a clean house. Regardless, Kurt follows the trail all the way up to their master bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, and he could already smell the familiar raspberry scented candles Blaine loves so much, filling the air.

“Oh my god,” Kurt gasps as he pushes the door open and walks in. All their furniture was gone and replaced by a completely different set. It is a blast from the past; every corner is filled with Blaine’s bedroom decor from his university days. The last time he had seen it in its previous form was back in 2013 when one of Niles'relatives burned the duvet with a cigerrette butt—Niles was Jeff's ex-husband/asshole/control freak. Everything is exactly where it’s supposed to be. There is the same duvet with the blue stripes—the burn holes mended—and the same matching pillows that Kurt laid his head on many times whenever he visited Blaine for advice, and there’s that the silver, fuzzy, round rug that Kurt loved to dig his toes into whenever he walked into Blaine’s room, and that silly the orange lava lamp that Blaine never turned off come hell or high water. That lamp was the only source of light when they made love for the first time, offsetting the shadows of Blaine’s body so perfectly with all it's perfect curves and undulations.

On the bed, Kurt notices a white envelope. On it, it says, ‘He looked exactly the same when he was alive, except he was vertical’. Kurt laughs, loving the fact that Blaine remembers so much from that night. He knows exactly what he will find inside the envelope, and sure enough, when he opens it he finds two tickets to a midnight Hitchcock movie at his favourite theatre.

Kurt is so consumed by taking in the redolent smell and sight that his ears don't register Blaine, slinking into the room and kneeling right behind him with a ring box open in his hand. Unfortunately, as Kurt turns around, sensing some disturbance in the air, the back of his legs hit Blaine’s thigh and he loses balance and falls backwards, arms flailing in the air. To make it worse, as Kurt falls over, the tip of his shoe—and it is a hard shoe tip!—knocks the ring and the box out of Blaine’s hands and gears straight to Blaine’s nose. CRACK!

“OH MY GOD!” Kurt sits up when he gets his bearings straight and rushes to his boyfriend. “OH MY GOD!”

“My nose!” Blaine yells in agony.

“Oh no, no, no!” Kurt reproaches himself. “What the hell were you doing down there?!” If Kurt’s count is right, and he is sure he is right, this will be the third time Blaine’s nose suffers an injury, all because of Kurt. To make things worse, the last one happened only six months ago! Talk about a sensitive spot…

“I was trying to propose!” Blaine admits in a mix of anger and agony—he was only angry at himself if anyone is wondering. When Kurt hears those words his heart stops for a moment, but on ly a moment, because Blaine was already bleeding profusely. Kurt rips of his cardigan and brings to Blaine's injured sneezer. 

“NO!” Blaine pulls away horrified. “No not that cardigan!”

“It’s just a shirt, Blaine, I can get a new one,” Kurt dismisses him, but Blaine is having none of it.

“But I love this one,” Blaine half-moans and half-pouts, “It looks so good on you. All those cute lobsters…”

Kurt’s heart melts; it is so like Blaine to worry about other things while he’s injured. Just like when he took the punch for before the football player could hit Kurt’s face. After that he asked Kurt if he was alright. Such a martyr…

“You are ridiculous,” Kurt shakes his head with a little smile and goes for the Kleenex on the nightstand and realizes that his usual nightstand is missing and ends up running to the other side to grab the tissues.

After five minutes bending over the sink bleeding like a punctured hose, they decided to visit the emergency room. Luckily it was quieter than usual and Blaine was able to get in within the hour. An X-ray and a precautionary CAT scan later, the nurse leaves Blaine on one of the hospital beds to wait, and Kurt sits right by him, his arm wrapped around his shoulders. Across from where they are sitting, is a small mirror. It immediately attracts Blaine’s attention and he sees his ridiculous bandaged nose and the blackness forming under his right eye. Suddenly a rush of mirth surges through him and he starts to chuckle, quietly at first, but then it develops into a roaring laugh. Kurt is stunned for a moment, thinking his boyfriend has finally had for too many hits in the nose.

“What’s so funny?” Kurt asks a little tickled by Blaine’s sudden change in mood.

“My…My nose…” Blaine says between laughs, “it looks so stupid.” Then he doubles over and continues to laugh. “Three times!” he gestures with his hand, the words barely escaping his mouth as he runs out of air. Unable to resist this unexpected hilarity, Kurt starts to laugh as well. Blaine did look ridiculous with two cotton balls taped under his nose, and seriously who gets punched that many times in the nose?— Unless they are China.

As they quiet down into a comfortable silence, Kurt takes Blaine’s hand in his.

“My answer is yes, by the way,” Kurt declares affectionately.

As much as Blaine wants for Kurt to say yes, he is still shocked to hear him say it, so soon after his last wedding.

“You’re surprised?” Kurt asks.

“A little,” Blaine admits sheepishly. “I’m not going to lie; I thought you were going to say it’s too soon. You know…because of what happened with…you know who…”

“He’s not Voldemort. You can say his name,” Kurt teases as he gently shoves him with his shoulder.

Before Blaine can answer, the door opens and a female doctor walks in.

“Hello…Mr. Anderson. My name is Dr. Flatly,” the red-haired, middle-aged woman introduces herself with a genuine smile and a very light Irish accent. “How’s the nose feelin’?”

“Not too bad.”

“Excellent,” the doctor looks down at her chart. “It looks like this is not your first rodeo. And not quite far from the last one either.”

“No, I’m afraid not,” Blaine chuckles in agreement. “Bad luck I suppose.”

“Are you the husband?” the doctor asks Kurt.

“Oh, no, I’m just the boyfriend,” Kurt corrects her.

“Fiancé actually,” Blaine corrects him and Kurt blushes. That’s right! They’re engaged! It felt so strange yet so wonderful.

 “I tried to propose and then this happened.” Blaine points to his nose, “so embarrassing.”

“No, don’t be embarrassed,” the doctor reassures him with a wave of her hand. “Shit happens. The morning after my wedding my gentlemen of a husband made us breakfast in bed. Let’s just say the coffee didn’t stay on the tray and burned my skin in all the wrong places.”

Both Blaine and Kurt wince.

“I’m so sorry,” Blaine sympathizes.

“Don’t be,” she waves her hand. “I’m just sayin’ it’s not about the perfect moments, but the imperfect ones that will make for interesting stories…especially to your children.”

“I guess,” Blaine nods, still embarrassed by the turn of events.

“Besides, your fiancé is still here, and that should be proof enough that it’s already in the past…”

“True, but don’t repeat it at our wedding, or else I’ll totally leave…” Kurt jokes.

“Sounds like a keeper,” She smiles and winks at Blaine. “Now, down to business.”

With only a minor fracture, Blaine and Kurt were sent of home with a bottle of Tylenol and strict advice to take their shoes off while they’re inside the house.

“You know good thing the rug is old,” Kurt joked as he and Blaine stood over the carpet, where the nose murder scene occurred, “because I love the other rug.”

“It’s just a rug, Kurt,” Blaine says sarcastically. “We can always buy another one.”

“Shut up.” Kurt push’s Blaine lightly at the shoulder.

“OH! No acrobatics remember?” Blaine warned jokingly and Kurt laughs.

“I got something for you.” Kurt pulls out the ring box from his coat pocket.

“Right,” Blaine takes it and sighs deeply. “I’m sorry I messed it up.”

“You didn’t mess it up. I did.”

“Oh no, I did. I shouldn’t have knelt right behind you.”

“Okay, fine we both did.” Kurt smiles and wraps his arms around Blaine’s waste, bringing them closer until their bodies are flush. “But I agree with Dr. Flatly. There’s no time for hard feelings. We’re engaged.”

“Okay,” Blaine smiles at his fiancé. Then he opens the box with a soft pop and quirk’s an eyebrow at Kurt. “May I?”

“Yes you may.” Kurt pulls away just enough for Blaine to put the ring on, and as Blaine slides the cool band on his finger, Kurt’s chest swells at this once-in-a-life-time euphoric moment. It’s finally official. After so many years of oscillating, they are finally going to begin the chapter Kurt had been craving for over fifteen years. Mirroring his emotions, Blaine turns Kurt’s attention to him and places the softness kiss on his lips. At that moment, Kurt wanted to ravish Blaine, but mindful of his delicate nose situation, he comes up with a different idea.

“How about we have that dinner and cash in those tickets?” Kurt suggests.

“With my nose looking like this?” Blaine grimaces.

“We’re going to be in the dark for most of it.”

“You’ve got a good point there, Kurt.”

The doctor was right the proposal did make for interesting story, not only for our kids, but for millions of people around the world. I remember the day they filmed the fall; so much work went into that slow motion matrix sequence. Every moment had to be practiced a hundred times. The rotating ring, Sam’s and Pen’s hilarious expressions, and the tip of the shoe hitting the nose…all had to be done in one shot from six different angles. The end result…priceless.