CHARLIZE
Understanding
Charlize Bourdon wasn’t sure of a lot of things just yet. School was a very new and exciting thing for her, and as much as she enjoyed learning her alphabet and numbers and that c-a-t spells cat, she was beginning to think that school actually wasn't that helpful at all.
It didn’t explain why adults thought that getting muddy was a bad thing to do when it was obvious that that was why they had showers.
It didn’t explain why the boys all went out to play soccer on the field on Wednesday afternoon while the girls went into the hall to do ballet, which she hated.
It didn’t explain why her daddy had paid a man to come and spray paint their front garden green when it had got real hot last summer.
And it didn’t explain why he mommy and the other ladies from the street didn’t like the men that lived in the house next door when personally Charlize thought they were a massive improvement on Mrs Turner who smelt like cabbage and gave her horrible hard sweets that tasted like liquorice, and she had to eat them because it would have been rude not to.
She had been in school when the men had arrived but they were still unpacking things from the big white van with the red letters that Charlize couldn’t read yet when she got back in the afternoon. There were loads of them it seemed to her and they were all so smiley.
When she’d put her bag inside she went into the front garden to watch, she liked how they all laughed so much even though she didn’t know what they were laughing at…
“Hello there young lady” she liked it when people called her that, it made her feel special and grown up so she offered the tall man with the sticky up hair and the pretty shirt a big, grown up smile.
“Hi”
“And what’s your name?” his voice was weird, but she liked it, it sounded like he was singing.
“Charlize”
“Wow that’s a very pretty name” he smiled widely, his teeth were very straight and white and Charlize decided that she liked him. He was like the handsome prince in her story books and princes were always nice and kind.
“I'm… I'm…I’m six” she told him proudly
“You never are?!” he exclaimed “I would have guessed at least seven”
She beamed
“You’re obviously very grown up”
“I am.” She told him “Yesterday me and my friend Molly had a tea party and we…we…we had little sandwiches and everything like proper grownups”
“That’s very impressive, I love having tea parties too”
“But you’re a boy!” she giggled behind her hand.
“So?” he grinned “Boys can like tea parties, just like girls can like soccer right? Besides I make awesome cupcakes”
She’d never thought about that.
“I like cupcakes” she nodded thoughtfully “I like soccer too” she admitted, “they won’t let us play it at school though, I have to do ballet”
“Awh that sucks” he frowned sympathetically “I was awful at soccer when I was in school”
She would have liked to talk to him more but right then her mother came out and called her back inside. She waved goodbye to Kurt happily not noticing the shifty look Mrs Bourdon gave him or how the man with curly hair met him halfway across the yard with a glass of lemonade…. And a kiss on the cheek.
*
The next day was Wednesday which meant the dreaded ballet class. It also meant her mommy wouldn’t be in till late because she had a Yoga class. So it was that she found herself in her pink leotard sitting cross-legged on the floor or her living room with Saidie Jones, Saidie was a teenager who lived a few doors down and babysat her every Wednesday.
She didn’t mind Saidie. She wasn't mean or anything, she let her watch cartoons and made her snacks but she never talked much instead she spent the whole two hours on her cell jabbering to one of her friends or painting her nails, she’d never play with her.
Charlize didn’t understand teenagers. They were even weirder than adults.
It was a hot day and she didn’t feel like watching cartoons inside, so she got her Barbie’s out of the trunk under the stairs where they had to stay when she wasn't playing because mommy said they made thee house look cluttered.
Today they were going to play jungles.
“Lola and Rosy-Anne” she narrated as she walked them across the back decking, “adventurers extraordinaire, are on the trail of the great Jabberwocky!” (She’d heard the name at school and it had immediately become the monster of all her imaginary games, even though she had no idea what it meant.)
“Oh Lola! I'm so tired, we need to make camp!” she said in a squeaky voice
“No! We can’t res here!” she countered in a lower tone “I think the Jabberwocky might be close and if we fall asleep it could gobble us up”
She’d reached the other side of the garden now and squatted to put the dolls on the ground under a hedge. She made them trek through the giant leaves and sink into quick sand and run in terror from the great snake (a rather fat and disgruntled earth-worm).
Finally she came to the end of the garden where the fence was broken and jagged, her mother kept asking her daddy to get someone to fix it because she said it made the garden look unsightly and she couldn’t hold any garden parties, Charlize didn’t know what the word unsightly meant and she didn’t understand what the fence had to do with garden parties but she liked this bit of the garden, the bottom of the pole jutted out in the perfect way to make a shelter for those as small as Lola and Rosy-Anne.
She crawled up to it and lay on her stomach, immersed in the world of her game, warning the dolls that it was night now and they had to build a fire, she looked round for something she could use as a fire, seeing the jagged flake on the side of the fence she stood up and began tugging, it wouldn’t come off though. She twisted her fingers underneath…
And then:
“OW!” she squealed as it came off with a small ripping noise, leaving a trail of splinters in her thumb.
“Ow…” she said again examining them more closely, her eyes prickled with tears, why did she have to cry? She had to be brave, they were just splinters… But it really hurt. A little drop of blood beaded on the surface of her pale skin and she gasped and finally burst into tears.
“Hey? Are you alright?” The soft voice startled her and if anything made her cry harder.
“Hey, hey it’s okay, don't cry!”
It was the handsome prince from yesterday, this time in a baggy t-shirt but still with his smartly combed hair and blue eyes that were so kind and pretty.
She sniffled.
“I cut my hand” she said quietly, so ashamed of crying, yesterday he’d called her a young lady, today she just looked like a big baby, now he would know the truth and talk to her like a little girl like everyone else did.
“Oh dear” he said “Can I see?” he leant over the fence slightly. She nodded miserably and let him examine her thumb.
He squinted and hummed slowly, then pulled a pair of glasses out of his back pocket, she thought glasses were nerdy, there was a boy called Oliver in her class who wore glasses and they made him look like a toad. But Kurt’s glasses were nice, they were slim and black and silver. He sat them on the end of his nose and made a silly face that actually made her giggle despite the horrible tingly pain.
“Ah I see, splinters eh?” he made some serious sounding tutting noises and she felt her heart race. “Well, I don't think we’ll have to chop it off” he smiled and she realised he was joking. He let go for a second to dig in his pocket again, he pulled out a little slim purple case which he opened.
“Good to be prepared eh?” he smiled. Her mommy had a case like that in her hand bag. It had a nail file in it. But Kurt didn’t take out a nail file he took out a small pair of tweezers. She looked at him in horror.
“It’s okay, I won’t hurt I promise” he smiled his big prince charming smile again. Reluctantly she held out her hand for a second time. He went to press the tweezers to the evil little pits of wood sticking out but before he could she flinched away, tears pricking her eyes again.
“Sorry” she whimpered, waiting for him to shout impatiently but to her surprise he didn’t. He spoke smoothly keeping his hand out but not trying to grab her.
“It’s okay. You’re being much braver than I would have been”
“Really?” she sniffed
“Oh yeah, I'm a terrible cry baby me” she giggled at that and held her hand back out once more. “What’s your favourite movie Charlize?” he asked, she took her eyes off the tweezers for a moment to think.
“Erm, I… I… we watched the Little Mermaid at school, I really like that one”
“Oh yes” he agreed nodding “one of my favourites too” and then, just like that he started singing “part of your world”.
He had such a pretty voice Charlize thought, she tried to join in but she didn’t know the words properly and got all muddled, she thought he might be cross but instead he sang slower so she could hear them and so when they got to the end they sang it together.
“And there you go” he let go of her hand, she looked down at it. It was dotted with little cuts but all the splinters had gone and there was no more blood. Like magic! She hadn’t felt a thing! He wasn't a prince after all he was a magician… or a wizard!
“Oh!” she exclaimed “that didn’t hurt!”
“Told you I’d be gentle didn’t I?”
She nodded, dumfounded.
“Sorry I don’t have a plaster or anything to give you honey, you’ll have to ask your mommy for one”
“My mommy’s not home” she said worriedly. Kurt looked confused and then bit his lip.
“You aren’t home alone are you?” he asked
“No, Sadie’s here”
“Who’s Saidie?”
“She lives up the street she watches me on Wednesday’s and sometimes on Monday’s and Thursday’s too.”
“I see” said Kurt “well, you’ll have to ask her for a Band-Aid then” he smiled but it wasn't quite the same. “Make sure you wash your hands when you go in too, you don’t want cuts to get dirty, even little ones”
“Thank you” she said and nodded. “Bye”
“Bye honey”
She walked back to her own house waving him goodbye.
*
That night when her mother came home she showed her the pink plaster that Saidie had given her, her mother told her off for being silly and getting hurt in the first place. But she could tell she wasn’t really listening. At least, not until she mentioned Kurt, the wizard who had taken the splinters out, then, for some reason, she was furious.
She sent Charlize to her room, saying she wanted to talk to her daddy alone.
Charlize didn’t understand what it was about Kurt that made her mad. Maybe she was scared of Kurt being magical, yes that might be it. She might have thought he was an evil wizard instead of a good one like the Genie in Aladdin.
She knew it was a bad thing to listen to adult conversations but really it was hard not to when her mommy and daddy were shouting so loudly. Her mommy kept demanding her daddy go next door for some reason. Charlize didn’t think that was a very good idea, even though she knew Kurt was a good magician, it was getting late, it was dark outside and if he was cross he might curse him and give him boils or warts or something horrible.
Her mummy kept using a word too, Charlize hadn’t heard it before and she didn’t know what it meant… but it sounded really mean and it made her tummy feel funny.
She struggled to sleep that night but when she finally dropped off she dreamt of wizards with blue eyes fighting Jabberwocky’s with purple tweezers.
*
The next day in school she asked Molly if she knew what the word meant. Molly didn’t know. She told her to ask one of the big boys if it was an insult because they knew loads of bad words, rude words too. But she didn’t because the boys scared her, they were big and loud and laughed and pushed people over.
She thought about asking her teacher too but if it was a bad word then she didn’t want to get into trouble. But then if it was a bad word why was her mommy using it? She was always telling Charlize not to use rude words…
Oh why did it all have to be so confusing? And why was there no one to ask for answers!?
When the bus dropped her off outside her house Kurt was in the front garden sitting beside another man that Charlize hadn’t seen before, they were talking and laughing and seemed to be enjoying the sun. When the other man sat up a little and Charlize saw his face she giggled, he looked just like Prince Eric from “The Little Mermaid”.
Kurt saw her and waved. She waved back.
That was when she was struck by an idea.
Kurt was a wizard and wizards were clever right? They knew everything and Kurt wouldn’t push her over or laugh at her for asking a question either. He didn’t seem to get mad, ever, not even when she was being silly and babyish yesterday.
So instead of going straight home she lingered a little while longer at the fence between their houses. Kurt didn’t notice for a minute but when he did he walked over, saying something quickly to the man who looked like Prince Eric, the curly haired prince nodded.
“Are you alright Charlize?” he asked stooping to her level as soon as he got to the fence, she was glad to see the twinkling back in his eyes.
“Yes…” she replied carefully “can I ask you a question?”
His blue eyes widened a little in surprise.
“Sure”
“Will you promise not to get mad at me?”
His eyebrows scrunched up.
“Why would I get mad?”
“Because I want to ask you what something means and… Ithinkitsabadword.” The end of her sentence came out in a quick jumble and she felt her cheeks go pink.
“Oh” Kurt shifted uncomfortably “alright, I promise I won’t get mad, but if it is a bad word, I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you what it means. You might have to go ask your mommy or daddy, is that fair?”
She nodded, but she didn’t really know why he couldn’t tell her even if it was a bad word, then she wouldn’t have to ask her mommy, and her mommy wouldn’t know she’d been listening and she wouldn’t get into trouble. But Kurt was a wizard after all and he probably knew best.
“I guess so”
“So what’s the word?”
Suddenly she felt very uncomfortable and wasn't sure if she should be asking after all. But Kurt smiled reassuringly.
“faggots” she said quietly then bit her lip because if she thought Kurt’s skin was pale before she realised she had been wrong.
His cheeks had been light pink in the sun but all of a sudden he looked white as paper. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped a little like he was shocked. Now she really wished she hadn’t said anything, she wished she’d gone straight inside and not told him because it was clear whatever the word meant it was bad and it had upset him… She’d upset the kind wizard who’d helped her.
“W-where did you hear that?” his voice was very quiet when he spoke.
“My mommy said it last night when she was fighting with my daddy”
“What were they fighting about?” Kurt bit his lip again. He was no longer looking at her but staring determinedly at the ground. And now she felt truly terrible because if she hadn’t said anything about Kurt then her mommy wouldn’t have gotten so mad about him and she wouldn’t have said it at all…
“Y-you” she muttered quietly.
Kurt nodded like he’d been expecting her to say that. Then he put his hand over his face covering his eyes for a moment. For one horrible second she thought he was actually crying but when he took it away his blue eyes weren’t watery or red. But they were all different again, kind of like last night but more so, could eyes be empty? And so, so sad.
“I'm sorry” she squeaked “I didn’t mean to- you said you wouldn’t get mad!”
“Oh honey” he sighed “Don't be sorry. You haven’t done anything wrong”
But Charlize felt that she had and her eyes prickled.
“I'm not mad” Kurt put his hand under her chin and tilted her head so she was looking him in the face. He smiled a little bit and she felt better.
“I swear… I'm just… very tired.”
People didn’t look like that when they were tired though Charlize thought, when people were tired, their eyes got all heavy. Kurt’s eyes weren’t heavy at all. He took his hand away.
“So it is a bad word…”
“It’s not a very nice word no” he said
“Why did my mommy say it then?”
Kurt pressed his fingers together.
“It’s probably because she doesn’t understand that it’s wrong.” He pursed his lips for a second “You know, it’s okay not to understand things, Charlize. And it’s okay to be curious and to ask questions in fact it’s a really good thing to do.” He sighed “what’s not okay is to assume you know something when really, you don’t. Does that make sense?”
Charlize shook her head. She felt muddled and more confused than ever.
“Okay, remember the other day when you told me you liked soccer?”
She nodded
“Well what if I’d told you that you couldn’t possibly play soccer because you’re a girl? That would be wrong wouldn’t it? And it wouldn’t be true”
She nodded, that was right, she was good at soccer.
“So if I thought it was true that girls couldn’t play soccer, what I should do is ask you if you can, instead of assuming I know, just because I’ve never met a girl who could play soccer before.”
She nodded, yes, that made sense.
“But what has this got to do with… that bad word” she cringed a little not wanting to say it again and make Kurt look sad and empty.
“It’s a word that people use to describe people who are… well people who are like me”
Wizards she thought, she knew it. Her mom was scared of Kurt’s magic.
“It’s not a nice word, but they use it because they think we’re not very nice people-”
“But you are nice” she almost shouted because it was so unfair. Kurt’s face froze. Then slowly he smiled.
“Thank you”
“Is everything okay?” another voice joined the conversation from behind Kurt. Looking up she saw Prince Eric staring down at them. Like Kurt he had pretty eyes, but his were a sort of brown and green colour that looked like maple syrup. He put a hand on Kurt’s shoulder and Kurt stood up.
“Yeah we’re fine aren’t we Charlize?”
She nodded
“Charlize is one of our new neighbours.”
“Ah, a pleasure to meet you” said Eric and he took her hand and pretended to kiss it like a real prince and princess. She giggled but at that moment there was a screech from her own house. She turned round to see her mother striding across the garden. Her face was as red as her high heels which she was stumbling in on the grass.
“Charlize get back inside right now!”
Eric took his hand away quickly glancing at Kurt, who looked sad again, and stiff, and cold, like he’d been turned to stone.
“How dare you touch my daughter?” Her mother snarled at Eric “I don't care if you live next door you’ll stay away from my family.”
“Excuse me bu-” started Eric looking equally angry now but Kurt stopped him.
“Don't Blaine” he whispered.
“Kurt I-” he started again glaring at her mother. Charlize wanted to cry. Why didn’t Kurt just tell her he was a good wizard? And then she wouldn’t be scared anymore and they could all be friends and stop shouting.
But instead Kurt took the curly haired man’s hand and pulled him away.
“Just… don't”
“That’s right faggots!” he mother laughed and all Charlize could think about was the evil sea witch… “Go back inside your little fairy house”
“Mommy don’t-”
Tears spilled out and ran down her cheeks because it wasn't supposed to be like this!
“Charlize!” she turned on her, “I said get back inside” her mother took her hand roughly and pulled her towards the house, it hurt and she cried out.
“Mommy! Please!”
But her mommy didn’t stop not until they were back in the air conditioned hall of their house and then she only let go of her wrist to grab her shoulders.
“You do not talk to them again do you hear me?” she shouted
“But mom, you don’t understand Kurt isn’t a bad wiz-”
“Don’t you dare tell me that I don't understand, I'm the adult here, don't you dare” her mother cut in before she could finish. “You’re just a very silly little girl and one day you will thank me you ungrateful little…”
She stopped, frozen and looked at her little girl.
Charlize’s face was stained with tear tracks. Her mother sighed.
“Those people over there aren’t like us” she let go of her shoulders “they’re not good people they’re… wrong, do you understand that”
And Charlize nodded because she wanted her mommy to stop talking.
But later that night when everyone had gone to bed she sat up and looked out at the house next door and she thought about the things that had happened in the last few days.
And Charlize couldn’t help feel that though she didn’t understand what her mother had meant, she understood a lot better than her mother ever would.