“Can I go back? Please” Kurt looked at Blaine and begged.

Blaine reached for Kurt's hand and rubbed his thumb across Kurt's knuckles. Kurt closed his eyes at the touch and let the living room fade away around them. When he opened his eyes, he was back the bridge with Blaine still holding his hand.  The lights from the city could be seen shining and Kurt could see his breath, but he couldn't feel the chill in the air. Not with Blaine rubbing his hand, not with Blaine's eyes locked on his.  

Blaine pulled Kurt closer with the hand he was holding and reached out with his other hand to rub Kurt's cheek. Kurt leaned into the touch as the tears poured down his face. He felt safe and connected with Blaine. A feeling he hasn't felt in a long time. Which was so strange considering he just met this man, or angel.

“Now that you have seen what life would have been like for your loved ones without you, will you please tell me what got you so upset you thought ending your life would be better than living?” Blaine asked quietly.

Kurt laughed quietly, mostly to himself. “You mean you can see what life would be like without me, but you can't see what has happened in the last 48 hours.”

“Oh I could see it if I wanted too but I want to hear it from you, Kurt.”

“I know just the place we can go, my friend's Nick and Jeff own a bar not from here.” Kurt knew he was just stalling because Blaine had him intrigued. He wanted to know more about him. He wanted to know his past, his present, and maybe his future. He wanted Blaine to tell him that everything was going to be ok, and he wanted to believe it. He wanted Blaine to help him forget Vogue.com and Adam.

They walked hand in hand, neither one of them wanting to let go, for a couple of blocks. Kurt stopped walking in front of a small but elegant bar called Niff's Place. 

Nick and Jeff had opened the place about a year ago. It was mostly a piano/karaoke for the NYU/NYADA college students, but it had really taken off in the last couple of months to those who just needed a place to get away but still have some fun.  Nick and Jeff were teased mercilessly about the name by everyone who knew them, but when they decided to open the bar they knew without a doubt what the name would be. They had officially become a couple in their last year of college, but years before that everyone told them they would make the perfect couple. But they were ‘just friends' and didn't want to ruin the perfect friendship in case it didn't work out. 

Kurt spent a lot of time nudging them towards each other and rolling their eyes at the two. He saw the glances they gave each other when they thought no one was looking, especially the objection of their affection. He saw the lingering touches that lasted just a second too long, the jealous stares they would give any other boy who tried to be more than friends, and he saw the love and commitment they had for each other, way before they did.  Finally one night in their final year of college Jeff turned to Nick and said “Let's try it.”

That night they sealed the deal with a kiss and they hadn't looked back. They had discussed marriage briefly in their couple of years together but the talk was never serious, never ‘we need to do it right now.' But they both knew in their heart that is where this was heading, where they were heading. They considered the bar their first child and thought right now they should be focusing on her and her success. And they made sure she was.

Kurt looked down at his and Blaine's clasped hands, he didn't want to let go but he knew he had too. Jeff and Nick did not know about him and Adam, hell no one did know at this point. He didn't want them jumping to conclusions. Blaine seemed to understand Kurt's plight and reluctance to let go, so he let go first. Kurt smiled sadly at the sweet gesture and opened the door for Blaine.

They both stepped inside and Kurt immediately spotted Nick and Jeff talking excitedly to customers at the front bar. They liked serving at the front bar instead of the back one because they liked being able to greet their guests and get to know faces of those who frequently visited their establishment. Jeff spotted Kurt as soon as he walked in and bounced excitedly. He knew about Kurt getting laid off at Vogue.com so he wasn't expecting to see him for at least a month. Kurt was like that, he needed to handle his issues on his own, never reaching out to his friends. Hell it took him a whole month to tell his dad about the bullying so he would be transferred to Dalton where he met Jeff and Nick.

Jeff did not realize that Kurt wasn't with Adam, but Nick did. Nick eyed Blaine suspiciously as soon as he noticed he was with Kurt. Nick knew Kurt would never cheat on Adam, but even he had to admit the man with Kurt was gorgeous. He hoped maybe this man had a lead on a job for Kurt; that had to be all this was about.  Or maybe he was just a friend. Yeah, a friend. But Nick saw the way Blaine was looking at Kurt. He was looking at him like he was the most beautiful thing had ever seen and he was looking for reassurance. Wordlessly Nick and Jeff both started to go around the bar to greet Kurt and this mystery man. Kurt was glancing around for an empty table, but it being a weekday during college break the place wasn't as packed as it normally worse. It still wasn't empty, but Kurt could see a couple of tables that lacked guests.  

“Where's Adam?” The oblivious Jeff asked in his normal happy go lucky manner.

“It's a long story Jeffery, one I will tell you one day soon, but not tonight. Tonight I am here with my um,” he glanced nervously at Blaine “friend, Blaine.” He finished before it was too obvious that he wanted to say Angel but knew it would sound crazy.

“Nice to meet you Blaine, since you are new around here and a friend of Kurt's you tell me what you want and the first drink is on the house!” Jeff chattered away excitedly while helping Kurt out of his coat.

“I won't be requiring a drink, but thank you Jeff. And it's nice to meet you Nick.” Blaine nodded in both of their directions but kept his gaze mainly locked on Kurt.

Kurt told Nick and Jeff his normal order, a scotch on the rocks and let them know they could be sitting in the booth in the back. Not too far away from the piano, but pretty isolated part of the bar. They nodded and started back to the bar to help the other customers. It wasn't until they were lying in bed that night, in a tangle of sheets, sweat, and limbs that they realized they never told Blaine their names.

When Kurt and Blaine had been seated for a few minutes and Kurt had drunk just enough, he started from the beginning.

September 2013

After not being accepted to NYADA his first try, Kurt got a job at the local coffee shop The Lima Bean. He worked there throughout the summer and had been working there when Rachel came back for the weekend. When she walked through the doors of the Bean, Kurt jumped over the counter and ran to her. Never mind the customers waiting in the line for their medium drips and non-fat mocha lattes.

Kurt chose that exact moment to take his 15 minute break and threw his apron at the other girl behind the counter.

“Cover for me!” He yelled as she followed Rachel to table. “OK, now tell me everything. The sights, the smells, the boys!”

“I miss you. Simple as that, and look Kurt. I call you all the time, I tell you everything. But I need you there with me. Life isn't the same without my best gay. I've talked to your Dad, he agrees. I will not take No for an answer, when I fly back on Sunday you are coming with me.”

Kurt stared at her wide eyed and mouth open. Then the shrieking began. He screamed and launched himself at her; she started laughing and hugged him tightly.

After saying goodbye to his dad and Finn, him and Rachel were on a plane bound for his destiny. They spent a couple of days checking out apartments before they found the loft in Bushwick. It took a couple of months before Finn finally gathered up the courage to admit that he missed Rachel and wanted to be in New York with her. It took a few weeks to set up the apartment for three instead of just two. By that time, Kurt had submitted everything he needed to reapply for NYADA. Finn had gotten accepted into NYU Steinhardt for Education and Kurt was feeling a little bit jealousy that everyone around him had found their place, except him.  He loved his internship at Vogue.com but he knew his heart was in performing. Fashion was just a hobby, a very expensive but worth it hobby.

He was also a little jealous that Rachel had been invited to perform at the NYADA Winter Showcase. He knew he was just as good as Rachel, but he had to admit she had more confidence and drive then he had. So he started practicing his singing every day, in the shower, on the subway, at his internship with Vogue.com.  He was driving everyone he knew crazy, he sent tapes to Carmen Tibideaux singing Wake Me Up Before You Go Go, he never gave up hope that he would find his place at NYADA.

It was at the Winter Showcase that Kurt finally realized he belonged in New York. After Rachel performed her 2 songs, he was invited to audition. Right then and there. Kurt was nervous, but he knew if he was going to live in New York he was going to have to learn to take chances. And jump. After his impromptu audition for NYADA at the Winter Showcase he checked the mail daily, hoping against hope that his moving performance of Being Alive was enough to secure the future he wanted. The day he received that letter, he had his first drink of champagne. Finn getting a little too drunk, Rachel getting a little too giddy, and leaving Kurt thinking that only if he found an  “other half” to share this with, then life would be complete. He loved spending his time with Rachel and Finn, but they often left him feeling like a third wheel. 

So on this third day of classes, when he ran into Adam Crawford, he fell. Hard. Adam was everything Kurt thought he wanted in a man. He was tall, blonde, and the best part British. He was also amazingly talented. When Adam sang it was like the world stopped for Kurt, and the only thing that mattered was Adam. Granted the first thing he heard Adam sing was ‘I Like Big Butts' which Kurt found oddly enduring. Kurt soon found himself as a member of the NYADA showchoir group the Adam's Apples, and the boyfriend of the older and amazingly hot Adam Crawford.

Kurt and Adam continued to get to know each other that first semester, but it didn't take them long to realize they had something special. The long weekend the spent snowed in, while Rachel and Finn had went home to Ohio, watching Moulin Rouge on repeat helped sealed the deal. By the time that first summer in New York was up, Kurt had moved in with Adam. Leaving Finn and Rachel to the loft, of which they had no complaints other than not seeing Kurt every day.

Living with Adam had many perks, it being closer to NYADA was only the start. Adam was also the perfect boyfriend in some respects. While Kurt loved to cook, he was also taking late afternoon classes to accommodate his schedule at Vogue.com so more often than not he came home to a cooked meal or at least take out. Kurt was also enjoying expressing his sexuality, without fear of Rachel or Finn walking in at any moment.  The first week that Kurt had officially moved in with Adam, they christened every room of the house. Twice.

Adam was good to Kurt, he was understand and a great listener. And everything Kurt thought he wanted. Which was why when Adam purposed right after Kurt's graduation, he said yes with no hesitation. It wasn't until later that night with the ring on his finger, Kurt laid in bed wondering if he had made the right decision. Kurt twirled the ring on his finger and wondered what he got himself into, was Adam the right man for him? He loved the idea of getting married and starting a family, and he knew Adam wanted the same things.  However, he was Kurt's first and only boyfriend. What if he wasn't ready for this? Or what if maybe there was something out there better for Kurt?

By that morning, Kurt had tossed his fears and worries to the side. Instead he threw himself into the Broadway scene, he got roles as extras or Flying Monkey #2. But never the lead role. He kept singing to keep his voice strong, and after Nick and Jeff opened the Niff's Place he spent more time there then he would like to admit singing not only Broadway tunes but P!nk and Katy Perry as well. He wanted to keep his repertoire upbeat and fresh.

Of course he kept working for Vogue.com he loved Isabelle, and she was truly his fairy godmother. She had done so much for him, and helped him out with scheduling so he could do both NYADA and the internship. By his senior year of college he was turning in his own designs for the designer. Some of which got made (with no credit to Kurt, but he didn't mind seeing a model in his designs was good enough,) and some which didn't. Kurt kept his sketch pad with him almost at all times so if the mood to create ever struck he would be ready.  Which is why when Isabelle sat him down a couple of days ago, to tell him that Vogue.com had ran into some financial trouble and they were having to do some cut backs and Kurt was one of them, he was beyond shocked. He had worked so hard. Isabelle expressed her deep sympathy and Kurt could tell it was hurting her as much as it was hurting him. He couldn't blame her, it wasn't her fault.  Isabelle told him if he ever needed anything at all to let her know, she was still his friends. That would never change; Kurt thanked her for the wonderful opportunities she had given him to shine. Packing his stuff from his small desk that day was one of the hardest things Kurt ever had to do. He felt completely lost without Vogue.com.

That night when he told Adam, Adam held him, listened to him, and cared for him. Kurt knew he and Adam were hitting a rough patch and he blamed himself. He had completely immersed himself into work and auditioning for Broadway shows. He spent most nights with either the sketch pad in front of him working on new designs or on his laptop looking for open call auditions, on Broadway and off. Dinner was often served with nothing more than a kiss and Adam asleep before Kurt came to bed and off to work before Kurt got up. Their time together had dwindled to nothing more than quick pecks and texts during the day.

He knew he had a lot to do to make it up to Adam, and he planned on starting that night. So after dinner, Kurt showed Adam to the bedroom. That night they made love nice and slow and Kurt took care of Adam's every need. Kurt waited until Adam fell asleep before he crawled out of bed to get cleaned up. It wasn't until he was in the shower alone, that he allowed himself to really let the day sink it. He was unemployed. He had no job, no auditions coming up, and they had finally decided on a date for the wedding. 10 months from now he was supposed to be marrying Adam, but now without a job he wasn't sure if it was possible to have the wedding of his dreams.  He leaned against the shower wall and let the water run over him until it turned cold.

He slipped in beside Adam and held him close, for the first time in a while having his body next to him wasn't a comfort. It took Kurt hours to fall asleep and he could see the sun slipping in through the windows before sleep finally took him. He did not stir when Adam slipped out of bed and out of the apartment. He slept most the day away. When he did finally wake up he called Rachel to tell her the news. Rachel always knew what to do and insisted that they go out the next day just the two of them for some quality BFF time. Kurt readily agreed and spent the rest of the day cleaning up the apartment and waiting for Adam to return.

When Adam got home that evening, Kurt had clean the apartment spotless, cooked dinner, and managed to shower and style his hair to perfection.  Adam stared at Kurt in his deliciously sinful tight black jeans, white button up and black skinny tie. He was speechless on how amazingly put together Kurt seemed. He was completely oblivious to hurt behind Kurt's eyes, and the way he was barely hanging on to his sanity. He spent all day keeping busy so he wouldn't have to think about the rough times ahead. When Kurt hugged Adam in the middle of their kitchen, he noticed the faint cologne on top of Adam's normal scent. But he pushed the thought side, after all Adam worked in a theatre.

That night they ate Kurt's delicious homemade chicken alfredo pasta, drank some red wine, and watched Moulin Rouge.  Both singing along to all the songs, at the top of their lungs disturbing their neighbors and not giving a damn. That night the foreplay started in the bubble bath Adam poured for Kurt. The fell into bed early and after making loving, Kurt drifted into a sated sleep. Adam snuck out of bed to text someone. Kurt was never the wiser.

The next day, Kurt and Rachel flitted around NYC doing all of their favorite things: Breakfast at Tiffany's, shopping at their favorite stores including Macys and Armani, and Rachel ended the day sneaking them into the theatre where she would be performing as Fanny in just a few short weeks. Kurt was in awe of Rachel and even going through the hard time he was in now, he was so proud and happy for her. Her and Finn were doing wonderful; Finn had bought the ring but wanted to wait until opening night to pop the question. She was staring in her dream role, but she remained herself. She always found time for Kurt when he needed it. That is what friends were for.

At the end of the day, Rachel kissed Kurt's cheek on the outside of his apartment and walked back towards the subway. Kurt watched her go, before turning to enter the apartment building. Even though he was tired of walking, he opted to take the stairs. He was dreading facing Adam, and he couldn't quite put his finger on why. Maybe it had something to do with the cologne he smelled yesterday. Or the way Adam was almost too attentive yesterday. It wasn't like him to be so generous with his time or affection.  So he walked slowly. When he arrived at the door he took a deep breath before opening it. When he first stepped into the apartment, it appeared Adam wasn't home. Kurt breathed a sigh of relief before he heard movement coming from the bedroom.

“Adam, honey, are you home?” Kurt called out.

Suddenly the movement stopped. Kurt had a fleeting moment of thinking he should just turn around and walk out of the apartment. But that was crazy, so he pushed open the door. That is when the final piece of Kurt Hummel was broken. There was his beloved Adam on all fours, with Chandler Adam's assistant at the theater, behind him.

With that, Kurt turned and did the only thing he knew to do. He ran.