March 6, 2013, noon
We've Done The Same Thing All Before: Chapter 3: Mercy
M - Words: 3,149 - Last Updated: Mar 06, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 16/? - Created: Oct 15, 2012 - Updated: Mar 06, 2013 409 0 2 0 0
A/N: Thank you for keeping with this fic! And just to clarify, Blaine’s hair in this is styled like it was in Season Two, specifically in Never Been Kissed.
Disclaimer: If I owned Glee, there would be a lot less focus on the adults’ storylines...
Chapter Three: Mercy.
“Why are some people such jerks?” Blaine asked rhetorically as he pulled Kurt out of the Dumpster, brushing his shoulder off with the usual apologetic look. He seemed to blame Kurt’s problems on himself.
Kurt shook his head, taking his bag with a “thank you”. As they set off for class together, he shrugged. “It’s the way the world works, Blaine. The strong prey on the weak.”
“I think it’s the other way around.” Blaine commented. “The weak prey on the strong, because they know that while there are more of them, they’ll be stronger, and they’re jealous of their strength so they need to feel better.” He finished this statement and glanced at Kurt as if unsure of what his reaction would be.
“Deep, Blaine.” Kurt commented dryly, and Blaine flushed, changing the subject before Kurt had the chance to apologise for the way in which he’d brushed off Blaine’s encouraging words.
“I need to get my Math book out of my locker. Coming?”
Kurt pushed away the guilt he was feeling over the comment and followed him; listening as Blaine began talking about the homework he’d been set.
“I’m struggling with the French homework, and I thought you could help me, since you’re fluent. It’s just the irregular verbs, I...”
Blaine’s voice seemed to fade out, movie-style, as Kurt, leaning against the lockers next to Blaine’s one, noticed Finn walking side-by-side with Quinn down the corridor. Though he usually felt that Finn’s fashion sense was terrible (why did his girlfriend not help him out more with that? Surely she wanted a boyfriend who looked good?), he had to admit that the black t-shirt that Finn was wearing today made him look good. Like, really good. His mouth was slightly open as he stared after the football player. Okay, so maybe he had a small crush on Finn. Or a rather large crush. Or-
“Uh, Kurt?” Blaine frowned slightly at him, his gaze following Kurt’s to look down the hall at Finn, and he glanced back to Kurt, the frown still creasing his eyebrows. “Are you... alright?”
Kurt dragged his eyes away from Finn, standing up straight, and attempted a smile at Blaine. “No, uh, yes, I’m fine. So, irregular verbs?” He asked, hastily changing the subject.
“Yeah. It’s- I’ll talk to you about it later, yeah? I have to... go.” He waved a hand vaguely before darting off, leaving Kurt to stand, staring down the hall after a boy for the second time in so many minutes, his stomach twisting in knots.
Had Blaine just guessed his secret?
To most people, it seemed to be pretty obvious that he was gay. The footballers had definitely guessed, and he was pretty sure that most of the Glee club members knew, just judging by the way they acted around him. Blaine and Mercedes were the only exceptions to this, or if they weren’t, they hadn’t said anything to him. Not that anyone had really said anything to him, apart from a few taunts from his bullies. Was it just so obvious that no-one felt the need to talk about it?
His thoughts were interrupted by a girl wanting to get into her locker, and he moved off to find Mercedes, since his next lesson wasn’t for another ten minutes. Standing around worrying about who knew about his sexuality for ten minutes would not help his face stay youthful and worry-line-free.
---
Blaine stared into the bathroom mirror, mind in turmoil.
What was that? When he’d first met Kurt, he had to admit, it had crossed his mind to wonder if the beautiful boy was gay. But he’d quickly pushed it out of his mind, and since Kurt had never hinted at it, he’d decided that Kurt was simply very feminine, or what people often described as ‘camp’. Which some straight guys were, and that was perfectly fine.
But now... was he gay? Or had he been staring after Quinn? Or was Blaine just imagining things? Sometimes he did read too much into situations, he’d learnt that at Westerville, but he could also be incredibly oblivious...
Well, it wasn’t as if he could ask Kurt – he shuddered slightly at the thought. No, the best option here was to let Kurt tell him if and when he was comfortable. He wasn’t going to force Kurt out of the closet.
And maybe one day he’d tell Kurt that he was gay. It occurred to him that coming out to Kurt might help him admit to his sexuality in return, if he was indeed gay, but it also might have the opposite effect. And all of this was purely hypothetical, because Kurt might not be – and probably wasn’t – gay, anyway.
But first he had to apologise to Kurt, since he’d probably worried him, again. He really needed to stop doing this. It was becoming something of a habit.
---
Kurt walked quietly next to Blaine, who, having apologised for having run off earlier (“I had to pee, I’m sorry-” “Yet again, Blaine, TMI...”), was walking in silence and occasionally throwing glances at Kurt, looking as if he wanted to say something that he wasn’t quite brave enough to voice. Kurt wasn’t sure he wanted to ask. It was, of course, possible that Blaine was telling the truth about having needed the bathroom earlier. Kurt was sticking to that belief for now. It was easier than stressing out about an issue that might never be solved.
Reaching Mercedes, who was leaning against the locker next to his and gazing down the hall, he opened his locker and glanced at her as she spoke. Blaine hovered next to him, glancing down the corridor and wrinkling his nose at Puck and Santana’s public display of affection, with what Kurt could swear was a murmur of “Gross”.
“Have you ever kissed anybody?” Mercedes asked, still gazing down the hall, and Kurt saw Blaine turning sharply to look at him, as if interested in the answer.
If that wasn’t a hint that Blaine had guessed, he didn’t know what was. “Yes. If by ‘someone’ you mean the tender crook of my elbow.” Applying hairspray sparingly, since his hair was pretty much perfect already, he looked back at her. “No, I haven’t. But I want to.” He let out a sigh. Considering that people weren’t exactly lining up, he probably wasn’t going to get that wish for a while, especially as he wasn’t interested in any girls who would be lining up. He glanced at Blaine, who looked a little uncomfortable. “What about you, Blaine?”
“Uh, no.” Blaine shrugged; maybe it wasn’t a big deal for him.
Kurt shut his locker and turned to look at Mercedes. Following her line of sight and noticing Puck and Santana, he realised where this was going. “Okay. Stop it right there, Mercedes. We are in Glee Club. That means we are at the bottom of the social heap. Special Ed kids will get more play than we will. The only thing that gets me by is my knowledge that we are superior to all of them.”
Blaine smiled. “I agree. And, I mean, we’re 16, so... we’ve got plenty of time for our first kisses, right? I’d love to stay and chat, but unfortunately, I have to get to Geography before Ms Skinner skins me alive – pun not intended. I’ll see you later, guys.” He waved and hurried away.
Kurt stared after him for a moment, trying not to read into his words and get caught up wondering if Blaine was trying to avoid him. Shaking his head slightly, he turned to Mercedes and hooked her arm with his, tugging her away and down the corridor. “What are you wearing on our Operation Dakota Stanley field trip?”
Maybe he was a bit too obvious by being so interested in fashion. If Mercedes didn’t know by now, he would be surprised, he mused, as he winked at her before leaving to get to class.
---
“Kurt, this car is fly.” Mercedes commented as she walked up to him.
Pleased at the compliment, since the car was his baby, he told her “My dad got it for my sweet 16 after I swore to stop wearing form-fitting sweaters that stop at the knee.” Knowing they were all side-eyeing him, since he was wearing the aforementioned sweaters, he explained, “What he doesn’t know doesn’t hurt him,” which was also a silent threat to cause them pain if they told Burt.
Chatting about Vocal Adrenaline and their chances (or lack thereof) of winning, they walked towards their destination. Rachel interrupted the rest of what Kurt was going to say about Liza Manelli by racing forward and screaming with excitement on spotting one of their singers. Heaven only knew what would happen if she met an actual star. Apparently you could be star-struck even when someone was throwing up. Kurt scrunched up his face in disgust and noticed Mercedes shuddering. God, he was glad that Mercedes had never seemed inclined to be that concerned about her weight. She looked fabulous anyway, and throwing up was so bad for your teeth and complexion, it didn’t bear thinking about.
Though the girl’s comment about Stanley worried him, Rachel, Quinn, Santana and Brittany didn’t seem at all fazed, and so they headed in to watch Vocal Adrenaline perform.
As they’d seen before, when they’d been to see them perform Rehab, the group was amazing. They were all brilliant singers and could beat the New Directions at dancing any day. But Dakota Stanley didn’t seem impressed. And if he wasn’t impressed by Vocal Adrenaline, what the hell would he say if he saw them performing?
This thought didn’t seem to have occurred to his fellow Glee clubbers, and he supposed that the overall benefit of getting better at dancing outweighed the cost of being yelled at for how terrible they were.
---
“So, Stanley wants $8,000 per number.” Were the words Kurt greeted Blaine with on the phone that evening, while sitting on his bed in his pajamas, half-watching RENT on mute.
“Wow. That’s... that’s a lot. What are you guys going to do?” Blaine asked, sounding simultaneously amused and horrified.
“Sell our houses, by the looks of it.” Kurt sighed. “Actually, the Cheerios suggested we do a car wash as a fundraiser, and Sue got the other Cheerios to help out, too. So that’s happening on Saturday.” He still couldn’t figure out why the girls were being so helpful. Maybe they really did enjoy singing. It was possible, he supposed. And Sue must be doing it because she really, really liked the Cheerios who were on the Glee club? Maybe she was just trying to get on their good side. “So that should be fun. I’m taking my baby, it needs a clean.”
“Maybe I’ll come help out.” Blaine offered, sounding genuine. “I’ve never been to a fundraiser before.”
“Thanks. It’ll probably be quite boring, though.” Kurt smiled slightly, touched by the offer. “Hey, all we ever seem to talk about is Glee club.” He commented, feeling a little guilty. “How are you doing?”
He could hear the smile in Blaine’s voice. “I’m fine, thanks. I managed to get a lot of homework done this afternoon while you were gallivanting off having fun without me-” Kurt snorted, not at all fazed by Blaine’s joking attempts to guilt-trip him “- so I’ve managed to relax and re-watch half of the first season of Castle.”
“I’ve heard of that. Is it any good?” Kurt asked, interested to know about Blaine’s tastes. He knew they shared an interest in musicals, and in fashion. It was nice to find a guy who could appreciate the wonder of Vogue.
“It’s amazing! It’s a crime drama, and I really want Kate and Castle to get together, but since he’s – wait, you probably don’t need to hear about that. You should watch it, though. You’d like it.”
“Maybe I will. I’m currently watching RENT, though, so maybe once I’ve finished that.”
“Haven’t you seen that movie about 5,000 times? Good! Then we can watch it together and talk about how awesome Kate is.” Blaine sounded excited at this prospect, which made Kurt smile. “Oh! I just realised, I can’t come help out on Saturday. I’m busy over the weekend. It’s a family thing. I’m sorry.” Blaine apologised, sounding truly sorry.
“I’ve told you a million times, Blaine, don’t exaggerate.” Kurt rolled his eyes, and couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed. At least he’d still have Mercedes, though. “Don’t be sorry, you can’t help it. Have fun, though.”
“Thank you. I’ll try. My cousins are absolute horrors, so that part should be exciting. Oh, I’d better go now, I haven’t actually packed my bag for school tomorrow. Or had any dinner, come to think of it.” Blaine added, sounding surprised by the thought. Kurt was surprised, too. Blaine wasn’t usually scatty-brained. He was put-together and knew exactly what he was doing. But he supposed everyone fell apart sometimes.
“Go!” He ordered, unwilling to let his friend go but not wanting him to starve. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, see you then. G’night, Kurt.”
“Goodnight, Blaine.”
---
The car washing fundraiser was a disaster. Well, it was a success financially, but a disaster personally. Kurt was pretty sure that after today, he was going to have no friends left. Or at least, he didn’t deserve to have any.
He’d managed to upset Mercedes by making her think that they were dating, and the worst part was that he was beginning to see how she could think that. He’d led her on, completely by accident, not realising that she was interpreting his offers to hang out as friends in a totally romantic way. The compliments, the way he tucked her arm in his... it could all be read so easily as a gesture of him wanting more than friendship.
And then he’d told her that he was in love with Rachel. On the list of stupid moves he could’ve made after letting her down in a not-so-gentle way, telling her that he was in love with some she didn’t particularly like was probably first. He was pretty sure that she was going to hate him forever. Apologising was definitely the first thing on his agenda for Monday. Well, after she’d apologised, because she had busted the window of his car. Until then, he’d have a pity party, and watch When Harry Met Sally yet again. It’d give her some time to calm down, anyway.
---
He didn’t get a chance to apologise before Glee club, since Mercedes seemed to be avoiding him. By the time he got to Glee, he was nervous and snappy.
Dakota Stanley did not help to improve his mood. “You can’t kick people out of Glee club because you don’t like the way they look!” Kurt protested, after the choreographer cut both Artie and Mercedes for ridiculous reasons in the space of about three seconds. He and Mercedes may have been arguing, but he was still going to stand up for her.
He was ready to spit flames by the time Stanley finished insulting him. And this advice was coming from someone whose hair looked like it had been cut by his mother? The man seriously needed to rethink his choices.
Finn had the right idea, which was something he didn’t expect but didn’t mind seeing, at all. He followed Artie, Tina and Mercedes towards the door, fighting the urge to tell Dakota Stanley that he was a terrible human being who shouldn’t be allowed near children.
When Rachel spoke, he was half-expecting her to tell Stanley that it was fine and that they’d be better off without them, but her words caused him to smile. She was right. Barbra was an inspiration to both of them. And they other Glee clubbers’ examples – minus Finn’s – were also hugely inspirational.
She was right. And the thing about being different... well, he was different. They all were. And maybe... maybe he needed to tell Mercedes exactly how different he was.
---
The next day was spent in an agony of indecision. He was pretty certain that Blaine realised that something was up, but he managed to distract him by explaining French irregular verbs.
At the end of the day, he felt more certain about his choice. Mercedes was his friend, and after Saturday, he had to tell her the truth.
“Hey, Kurt.”
Kurt glanced at Mercedes before looking back into his locker and pretending to fiddle with his clothes. He may have already forgiven her, but he was too proud to show that he’d forgiven her without hearing an apology first.
As she apologised, and he brushed it off, it hit him that this was his chance to tell her. He’d been friends with her for over a year, and joining Glee club had only made them closer.
So as she turned to walk away, he gathered his courage and told himself sternly that she deserved to know.
“... Mercedes.” His voice trembled a little, and he was sure she noticed. As she turned, he steeled himself. “I lied to you.” She frowned slightly, and he ploughed on, determined to get this out. “I-I don’t like Rachel.” He really hoped that didn’t sound like he was setting it up to tell her that he did like her, after all. Pausing as someone walked past, he glanced at them before looking back at Mercedes, stepping towards her a little. “... I’m gay.”
The look on her face panicked him for a moment, but the question “Why didn’t you just tell me?” was probably the best sentence he’d ever heard her say.
So he told her. Her words were probably meant to be comforting, but they only served to remind him that he was just a total coward for not telling anyone.
And now he was crying, and as they finished talking and he walked off, he took a breath to recompose himself.
Some part of him knew that she was right. Eventually, he would have to tell everyone. But right now, he was pretty glad he’d told her. It was a start, at least.
A/N: I hoped you liked it! Also, I’d like to add that Kurt’s current views on coming out are not views that I share. People should come out when they feel comfortable, and not a second sooner. No-one should be forced out, and no-one should feel like they’re a coward for not coming out.
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