At this point, Finn should have been used to being awaken in the middle of the night. At least Rachel was a lot gentler about it than Santana had been.

“Finn? Finn, wake up,” she murmured sweetly, shaking his shoulder.

He hoped he wasn’t drooling. He tried to look sleepy-rumpled sexy, but he wasn’t sure he accomplished it. “What? What’s up?”

Rachel took a deep breath, like she needed strength to reply. In the pause, Finn lost all traces of sleep as worry took over. He looked at her properly: she was already dressed up, and her face was a mask of serious concern.

“Rachel, what happened?” He asked, unconsciously reaching for her hand.

She squeezed his hand like her life depended on it. “Santana called. We have to go to the hospital.”

“The hospital? Why?” Finn was already out of bed and reaching for a pair of jeans.

“The killer went to Maryland. He attacked them… there was no way of warning them…” She sat on the edge of his bed as he searched in his closet for a clean shirt. She looked pale.

Finn went to her, got on his knees and took her hand in his once again. He was so scared he didn’t even want to ask the question. “Is my brother…?”

“Kurt is fine,” Rachel replied immediately, trying to sound reassuring and positive. “He’s fine, Finn, nothing happened to him. I imagine he’s just a little shaken up…”

“Then why…?” Finn began to say, and Rachel cut him off abruptly, a sob threatening to spill right alongside her words.

“It’s Blaine. He… they’re bringing him to the hospital. They don’t know if he’s going to make it.”

Finn only allowed himself a second of relief to thank God, the universe, angels and whatever force had kept his brother safe. And then he wrapped Rachel in his arms and became concerned about Agent Anderson. He had promised to protect his brother, and he had seen that promise through. Finn owed him more than he could ever repay him.

They pulled away, looked into each other’s eyes, and were grateful that they didn’t have to be alone right now.

“Let’s go,” Finn said.

Rachel nodded, and followed him out the room.

*

There was no other way to describe how Kurt was feeling but numb. It was as if he was floating in a cloud, completely oblivious to everything that was happening around him. All he knew was that he was sitting in a pretty loud waiting room in a New York hospital and that somewhere in that same building, Blaine was fighting for his life.

All he knew was that one second he was holding Blaine in his arms, watching the blood spread through his shirt, and the next he was being forced to let him go as Santana arrived with a full team. And now, somehow, he was finally back in New York City, the place he had wished so many times he hadn’t had to leave… and he would have given anything to just be back in Maryland, back in that comfortable bed with Blaine pressed against him - safe, breathing and warm.

He closed his eyes, trying to find some calm, but he had to open them back again instantly. All he could see, like a painting against his eyelids, was the gun in his hand, his finger pulling on the trigger, and the bullet perforating the killer’s back.

He had killed a man.

How did a person ever come back from that?

Kurt was about to let himself sink into the deepest despair when he heard someone calling his name.

“Kurt? Kurt!” He looked up and saw Finn running towards him. The sight of his brother was enough to make his body function again, so he stood up and opened his arms to receive the huge hug Finn was already giving him.

He buried his face in the crook of his brother’s shoulder and held on as tightly as he could. Maybe if he stood there, everything else would just go away…

“Kurt, oh god,” Finn sounded choked, like he was doing his best not to cry. “How are you? What happened? Are you hurt?”

The questions were too much. Kurt didn’t have any appropriate answers. Was he supposed to say he was okay when he really, really wasn’t? Was he supposed to put up a façade with his brother when what he had done would most likely change him completely? Was he supposed to say things were fine when Manuel had also been brought into the hospital after being found unconscious in his car? Was he supposed to say he was unhurt when Blaine was still in danger and that hurt him more than any other thing that could have happened tonight?

Instead of answering, Kurt finally let go and sobbed into his brother’s shoulder, and Finn held him helplessly, wishing he could say something that would comfort him, but endlessly happy that Kurt had come back to him at last.

*

Kurt’s sense of time was slightly warped. He didn’t know how long he and Finn sat there in silence. He could feel the questions brewing inside his brother, but he couldn’t bring himself to give any explanations.

“There’s only one thing I need to know, and then I promise I’ll shut up and wait until you’re ready,” Finn murmured when he obviously couldn’t take it any longer. Kurt turned his head and faced his brother, his eyes devoid of any kind of emotion. “Is any of the blood on your shirt yours? Are you hurt?”

Kurt glanced down at himself. He had forgotten he was still wearing Blaine’s FBI shirt. There was a large dark red stain in it. It made his stomach twist, making him nauseous. “No. It’s Blaine’s.”

Finn didn’t say anything. He simply removed his jacket and placed it on Kurt’s shoulders, shielding him from the sight of the dried blood, and then grabbed his hand, squeezing it between his own.

Santana and Rachel appeared at the end of the hallway, walking towards the waiting room with their heads bent together, talking. Kurt instantly stood up and made his way to them, intercepting them. Both agents stopped in their tracks.

“Mr. Hummel…” Santana began saying, but Kurt couldn’t even wait to hear what she had to say.

“How’s Blaine? When can I see him?” He asked.

There was a quick shift in Santana’s eyes, a sliver of curiosity that was soon gone, replaced by the same concern that had been there before. “He’s in surgery right now. He lost a lot of blood. That’s all we know for now. I guess we’ll have to wait.”

Kurt took a deep breath. He felt Finn standing next to him, a comforting hand on his arm. He was so grateful for his brother. “What about Manuel?”

“Mr. Fernandez is going to be just fine. He’s not showing any signs of concussion and he wasn’t badly hurt,” Rachel explained kindly. “We’ve called his son, and he’s coming for him to take him back home to Maryland.”

Kurt closed his eyes for a moment. It was good news. At least one positive thing among this madness. “Can I see him, please? I want to talk to him, make sure he’s alright.”

“Sure,” Santana said, and gestured for him to follow her. “I’ll show you to his room.”

Kurt looked back over his shoulder to tell Finn he would be right back, but found that his brother had stepped closer to Agent Berry and they were talking in a low voice. There was something so intimate about them, and Kurt realized there were a lot more stories to tell than his own.

Santana allowed him some privacy when they reached Manuel’s room. The old man was awake and staring at the ceiling, a frown on his face. There was a large bandage on his head, but he actually looked good. Kurt felt a wave of relief washing over him as he moved closer to the bed.

“Señor Kurt!” Manuel exclaimed, sitting up. “I’m so happy to see you are okay.”

“I can say the same thing about you,” Kurt said, smiling a little at him as he took a seat on the chair by the bed. “How are you feeling, Manuel?”

“I would be a lot better if someone told me how Blaine is,” Manuel’s worried eyes settled on him, searching for answers in Kurt’s face.

“I’m afraid I don’t know much more than you do,” Kurt replied sadly. “He’s in surgery and we won’t know more until after that.”

Suddenly, Manuel’s eyes filled with tears. Kurt, alarmed, moved closer to the bed and held the old man’s hand in his. “I’m so sorry, señor Kurt. It’s all my fault.”

“What? No, why would you think that?” Kurt asked, frowning in confusion. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“That man followed me home from the bar,” Manuel said, now fully crying. It was devastating to see him like this. “I stopped there to eat something and wait out the storm. I’m sorry…”

“It’s not your fault,” Kurt squeezed his hand. “We should have warned you, Manuel. We should have told you the real reason we were at the ranch. It was wrong of us to put you in that kind of danger.”

Manuel wiped his tears away. “I don’t care about that. I just hope my mistake doesn’t cost Blaine too much…” He shook his head. “That silly boy. He always has to be the hero.”

“He really is silly,” Kurt said, and now it was him who started crying. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Nuestro Blaine,” Manuel whispered fondly. “He is strong. I know he will be okay. He has a very important reason to be okay, you know?”

Kurt looked at him. “What reason?”

“You,” Manuel replied, making Kurt almost choke on a sob. “I hadn’t seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. He may be a little slow when it comes to these things, but he figured it out in the end, I think.” When Kurt seemed a little confused, Manuel chuckled and patted his hand. “That he’s in love with you, of course.”

Kurt was unsure whether that was supposed to make him smile or cry harder, so he just did both at the same time. “Manuel…”

“And you’re just as in love with him. So when he gets out of this hospital, please do me a favor: stop wasting time,” Manuel said, looking right into Kurt’s eyes to make sure his message got through. “We all know how precious time is. Be with the people you love. Tell him how you feel.”

Kurt swallowed with difficulty as he nodded. “I will. I’ll tell him.”

“Good,” Manuel seemed contented with his answer and laid back down against the pillows. But then he looked alarmed again. “What happened to Ramona? Who’s going to take care of the animals while I’m here?”

“Ramona was fine, just a little scared, when we left. And some agents stayed back to work at the ranch, so I’m sure the animals will be taken care of. Just rest, okay? Your son should be here soon,” Kurt said, standing up and pressing a kiss to the man’s forehead. “I’ll come see you again later.”

“I would like that very much,” Manuel murmured, finally looking at ease. “Cuídese, señor Kurt. Y cuide a mi Blaine.”

Kurt didn’t need to know Spanish to understand what Manuel was asking of him, so before he left the room, he turned to look at him once more and said: “I promise.”

*

When Kurt made his way back to the waiting room, he found Santana, Rachel and Finn talking. Just as he had noticed how close Finn and Agent Berry seemed before, now he noticed just how exhausted and drained Agent Lopez looked. He knew how close she and Blaine were - it couldn’t be easy for her to be here now, waiting to find out if Blaine would be alright.

“… so I can drive them,” Rachel was saying when Kurt joined them. “And then I’ll come back here and wait with you.”

“Please pick up some decent coffee on your way back,” Santana said with a tired sight. “I don’t think I can drink the garbage they serve here, and I drink the garbage at the FBI every day of my life.”

“Sure.” Rachel nodded. She turned to look at Kurt. “Mr. Hummel, if you’re ready now, I’ll drive you and Finn home.”

Kurt took a step back, as if he suddenly needed to be physically away from her. “What? I’m not going anywhere.”

“But Kurt…” Finn began saying.

“No,” Kurt interrupted. “I’m not going anywhere until I get to see Blaine and know he’s alright. And I won’t leave until Manuel’s son gets here. I won’t leave him alone.”

“Look, Mr. Hummel…” Santana said. She clearly didn’t have any patience left to deal with his stubbornness. “I understand you’re worried, but we don’t know how long it’ll be until Blaine is allowed visitors, and Mr. Fernandez’s son won’t be here for a few hours. There’s plenty of time for you to go home, take a shower, rest and eat something. I’m sure you had a very long day and would like to spend some quality time with your brother…”

“But…” Kurt said, ready to fight back, but Finn placed a hand on his shoulder.

“She’s right, Kurt,” he murmured quietly. “No offense, but you really look like you could use a shower and a nap. And there’s nothing we can do here.”

“We will need you at the bureau later to answer some questions about what happened,” Santana said. “I’ll call you as soon as the doctor has any updates on Blaine. I promise.”

Kurt didn’t want to go. He was ready to protest again, but then he looked down and saw his blood-stained t-shirt… Blaine’s dried blood against his skin. He felt sick just thinking about it. He was too tired, too scared to refuse, and just one look at Finn’s face was enough to make him deflate in defeat. He would never say no to anything his brother asked of him. Not after what they had been through.

“Fine,” he murmured. Santana nodded and turned around, ready to walk away, but Kurt put a hand on her arm to stop her. “Agent Lopez, I beg you… I need to know as soon as Blaine’s out of surgery. I need to know how he is. Just… please.”

Her dark eyes searched in his, as if looking for something, though he didn’t know what. She must have found it, because she gave him a little tight-lipped smile and nodded again. “You have my word, Mr. Hummel.”

Finn threw an arm around his shoulders to guide him away, following Rachel down the hallway and out of the hospital. But with every step Kurt took, with the distance between him and Blaine growing by the second, he couldn’t help but feel he was leaving the exact place where he was supposed to be.

*

Kurt only pressed his hand fleetingly against Finn’s arm as he passed by him and into the apartment. Finn watched him go, shoulders hunched, and understood. They had developed a communication beyond words in all the years they had been brothers, and Finn now knew exactly what Kurt needed without Kurt having to say it.

Today, however, he hated giving Kurt space, allowing him the alone time he so desperately seemed to need. Today, he wanted to crush him in a hug and never let him go.

Instead, he turned back to the door and found Rachel still standing there, looking at him anxiously.

“Well, I guess I should…” Rachel started.

“Thanks for the ride…” Finn said at the same time. They both stopped talking abruptly and glanced around, anywhere but at each other. Finn finally cleared his throat. “Thanks for everything, actually.”

“Everything? I didn’t do anything…” Rachel muttered, and she sounded ashamed.

“You did. You stayed with me, kept me from going insane with worry. You took care of me,” Finn said, a lot more bravely than he felt. “And you kept your promise. You promised Kurt would come back to me unharmed, and he did.”

“That has to do more with Blaine than with me…” Rachel shrugged, and just mentioning her friend seemed to be painful. Her worry was clear on every inch of her face.

“I will thank him as well, when he’s feeling better,” Finn replied, making sure to look straight into her eyes as he said it. “He’ll be fine, Rachel. Just like Kurt.”

She simply nodded, and they stood in silence for a few awkward seconds. Finn didn’t want her to go, but he wasn’t sure if he should ask her to stay. Plus Kurt was there, and Finn needed to be there for him, more than anything.

“I have to go,” she sighed. Finn wondered if she was as reluctant to leave as he was of letting her go. “The office is going to be completely revolutionized after what happened, so I have a lot of work waiting for me. And I want to check on Blaine, too, so…”

“Of course,” Finn smiled at her as reassuringly as he could. “Thank you again. I… I really liked spending time with you, regardless of the awful reason why you were assigned to work with me.”

The corners of Rachel’s mouth trembled. Her cheeks suddenly looked rosy. Was she blushing? Was she pleased?

“Take care of your brother,” Rachel muttered. “And good luck, you know, for the rest of the season. I’ll be rooting for you and your team.”

“I thought you didn’t like sports,” Finn commented as she turned to leave.

Rachel looked over her shoulder and bit her lip. Her gaze was intent on Finn, but he couldn’t figure out what it meant. “So did I.”

Finn watched her walk into the elevator, a heavy feeling setting on his chest as he realized this was probably the last time he would ever see her.

If this had been a romantic movie, those Kurt really loved to curl up with on lazy days, Finn would have run after her, blocked the elevator doors as they started to close, and slipped inside to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her against him. He would have kissed her and told her that, despite the sheer fear for his brother’s safety, the past few weeks had been the most exhilarating of his entire life.

Instead, he closed the door behind her and shut his eyes as he leaned against it. He could hear the muffled sound of the shower echoing in the empty apartment. Kurt was here, home at last, but hurt beyond the physical. There was no time to reenact any romantic movies. And why would someone as remarkable as Rachel want anything to do with someone like him, anyway?

Little did he know, Agent Rachel Berry was stepping out of the building at that same moment, and bursting into heartbroken tears.

*

As soon as Kurt caught sight of himself in the bathroom mirror, he turned towards the toilet and emptied the contents of his stomach into it. He started to shake uncontrollably and had to practically drag himself towards the shower once he was done throwing up.

He removed the clothes he was wearing. Blaine’s Quantico t-shirt, stained dark with blood, was thrown across the bathroom as far as possible. He didn’t want to look at it. He didn’t want to think of it. He wanted to get away from everything that had just happened.

His legs felt too weak to stand so he sat in a corner of the shower under the scalding water and hugged his knees to his chest.

He shut his eyes so tightly they hurt. “Everything’s fine. I’m safe. Everything can go back to normal now. I’m safe. Everything’s fine…”

He repeated the words like a mantra, trying to convince himself that the worst was behind him. But it didn’t feel like a victory. It wouldn’t feel like a victory until Blaine was fine. If Blaine… if something happened to Blaine…

He didn’t realize the water had gone cold until Finn was pounding on the bathroom door. How long had he been sitting there, wet, miserable and scared?

“Kurt? Kurt, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he replied in a strangled voice. He reached towards the faucet and cut the water spray. “I… I don’t have any clothes with me. Could you get me something?”

“Yeah, I think you left a pair of pajamas here one of the last times you came over,” Finn said. “I’ll go get them.”

Kurt heard his brother’s steps retreating and then coming back. He got out of the shower, feeling as steady as a bowl of jelly, and wrapped himself in a fluffy white towel. He opened the door just a smidge, enough for Finn to pass him the pajamas.

Finn’s eyes studied his face quickly. “I ordered some food, I wasn’t sure if you’d eaten, so…”

“I didn’t,” Kurt answered, though he wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth or not. He couldn’t remember. Right now, all he remembered was the deafening sound of the gun going off in his hands.

“Okay, then I’ll see you in the living room in a minute. I think there’s a marathon of one of those fashion shows you like,” Finn tried to smile, and Kurt loved him for it. He was so grateful for his brother.

When Kurt made his way into the living room, he found Finn sitting on the couch in comfy sweatpants and an old t-shirt. The television was on, an old episode of Project Runway playing in the background, and the coffee table was covered with an insane amount of food.

“I didn’t know what you’d be on the mood for, so I got Chinese, Thai and pizza. I also had some frozen waffles and cinnamon rolls in the fridge, so I made those, and…” Finn stopped talking, watched Kurt as he wobbled in the middle of the living room. “Hey. Come sit, Kurt.”

Kurt obliged. He suddenly felt like a small child, wished he could hide under his safety blanket and ask for his parents’ comfort. “Finn…”

“Kurt,” Finn said, turning on the couch to face him. “Hey. I know you’ve been through hell. I know there’s nothing I can do to make things better for you, to erase what happened… but I’m here, okay? You can talk to me about it. I will do whatever I can to make things better for you.”

Kurt gave him a sad, watery smile. “Unless you can make Blaine okay and healthy, I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do, Finn. But thank you.”

Finn nodded slowly. He looked Kurt in the eyes. “You care about him, don’t you?”

Kurt didn’t reply. He couldn’t. There was a large knot in his throat, threatening to choke him.

Again, Finn understood without the need for words. He simply wrapped one arm around his brother’s shoulders and pulled him closer, trying to provide as much comfort as he could, and waited.

All they could do now was wait.

*