Sept. 20, 2012, 12:25 p.m.
Bitter Pill.: Chapter 4
M - Words: 4,448 - Last Updated: Sep 20, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 9/9 - Created: Aug 01, 2012 - Updated: Sep 20, 2012 722 0 2 0 1
Hey guys :)
I hope you're all having a wonderful weekend.
Thank you so much for the reviews for the last chapter. I'm very happy you're all enjoying this story :)
I forgot to say that the song Blaine sings in chapter 3 is "When You Wish Upon a Star" from the Pinocchio soundtrack.
I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! Kurt finally gets to know the truth.
Thanks to Wutif for her help, as usual.
Enjoy!
Wednesdays were Kurt's favorite days. He only had one class in the morning and then he had the rest of the day off to get his homework done or, if he was lucky enough to have time for it, simply relax. It was also Finn's busiest day, which meant he had the dorm room all for himself and that was always such a welcomed treat.
He had his earphones on and he was listening to his favorite playlist on his iPod as he walked down the hallway to his room. When he turned around the last corner, he was thinking about maybe taking a nice, hot shower, put some comfortable clothes on and sitting on his bed to read the last issue of Vogue. But all thoughts of relaxation and the latest fashion trends disappeared from his mind when he saw the man pacing in front of his door.
"Dad?" He said, with his eyes wide in surprise. Burt turned to look at him and a soft smile spread over his face. Kurt was about to say something when his father moved a couple steps towards him and revealed a further surprise. Sitting on the floor against the wall, with two duffel bags at his sides, was the one person Kurt thought about the most. "Blaine? Oh my god, Blaine!"
Blaine was on his feet and in Kurt's arms in record time. Kurt could feel his boyfriend's face buried against his neck and his arms tightly wrapped around him. He could even feel Blaine's heartbeat. Without being able to hold back, he tugged gently on Blaine's hair until he looked up and then crashed their lips together, as he had been longing to do since he had left Ohio.
They pulled away reluctantly and Kurt stared right into Blaine's beautiful hazel eyes as he rested their foreheads together. "Hi."
Blaine smiled. There were tears clinging to his eyelashes. "Hi."
"Hello," Burt said, causing the other two to laugh. Kurt untangled himself from Blaine and hugged his father. "It's so good to see you, kiddo."
"What are you two doing here?" Kurt asked as he stepped back. He latched onto Blaine's hand immediately and nudged his boyfriend's shoulder playfully. "Were you two missing me too much to wait a few more weeks until I could go see you?"
Something shifted in Burt's face, causing Kurt's smile to fade. Blaine was serious, too, and fear took over Kurt instantly.
"We need to talk to you," Burt finally muttered. "Can we do it in your room?"
"I…" Kurt swallowed. His hands shook as his mind swirled with possibilities. "Yes, yes. Of course."
Blaine hurried to grab the duffel bags before Burt could even move. Burt murmured something about the kid being overprotective. In any other moment, that would've warmed Kurt's heart. But not now. Not when he could see something was really wrong.
He opened the door with his key. He always left before Finn in the morning, so it wasn't unusual to return to the room being a mess. There were socks and books everywhere. The clothes Finn had worn the previous day were on the floor. Six empty cans of Coke were on the bedside table.
Kurt's side, on the other hand, was impecable. His bed was made. There were no dirty clothes in sight, except for the ones neatly stacked in his laundry basket. His bedside table was empty except for a book he had been reading for one of his upcoming tests. His desk was perfectly organized. One side was dedicated to his laptop and notebooks; the other, to his creams and lotions. It was kind of cramped, but he had made it work.
"Sit down," he said stiffly. "Finn won't be back for a few hours, so…"
Burt nodded as Blaine sat on the edge of the bed. "You sit down, too, Kurt."
Kurt took a deep breath as he took the spot next to Blaine. "Look, just say it. What is it? Is it your heart again, dad? Do you need surgery? What's wrong?"
"It's not me, kiddo," Burt answered.
Kurt froze before he turned to Blaine with absolutely terrified eyes. "It's you? Blaine? A-are you sick?"
"I'm okay, Kurt," Blaine grabbed his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "Just… just listen to your dad."
Nervously, Kurt glanced at his father as the older man started pacing around the room. Something was incredibly alarming in both Burt and Blaine, Kurt noticed. Burt looked as if he had aged ten years in the little time that had passed since Kurt had last seen him. Blaine also looked tired, as if he was carrying a very heavy weight. Kurt didn't like any of what he was seeing.
"Kurt," Burt said and the next words came out harshly, as if he had made a great effort just to say his son's name. "I need to talk to you… about your mom."
Kurt was expecting lots of things, but not that. He blinked in confusion. "Mom? What about her?"
Burt tried to talk again but nothing was coming out of his mouth. He started getting frustrated and he took a few deep breaths to try to steady himself.
"Easy, Burt," Blaine mumbled. "Take your time."
Kurt certainly didn't want his father passing out in the middle of his dormroom or having another heart attack caused by anxiety, but the idea of him taking too much time saying whatever it was he needed to say only made him more and more nervous. He needed to know what was going on…
"Kurt, your mom is alive," Burt blurted out bluntly.
Kurt was sure he had heard wrong. He waited for his dad to say something, anything, to explain whatever it was he was there to say, because it certainly couldn't be that.
But Burt said nothing. He stared at his son miserably.
"That's not funny, Dad," Kurt said softly.
"It's not supposed to be funny," Burt replied.
"Well, if it was supposed to be an ice-breaker, it didn't work either," Kurt said, almost hysterically. "Would you please just tell me what's going on?"
Blaine's hand in his seemed to ground him. In this ridiculous, absurd situation, his boyfriend was the only anchor he could turn to, so he did. But Blaine was looking at him with something unreadable in his hazel eyes and Kurt felt more lost than he had ever felt in his life. "He's telling the truth, Kurt."
Kurt actually laughed, albeit bitterly. "Have you two hit your heads while you were working at the garage or something? Mom died when I was eight. I was at her funeral. I remember it, okay? Now stop whatever it is you two are trying to do and tell me…"
"Kurt," Burt cut off, crouching in front of him and putting his hands on his son's knees. "You need to listen to what I'm saying. I wouldn't joke about something like this. I wouldn't come all the way to New York to talk to you about something that I know it's still a sore spot for you if it wasn't important."
Kurt didn't realize he was having trouble breathing. "Then what the hell are you talking about?"
Burt sighed shakily. "Blaine, maybe you should wait outside for a few minutes."
"No," Kurt said, holding onto Blaine's hand with a death grip. "He's staying right here. Now, talk."
Burt talked. He forced himself to spill the truth he had kept inside for so long. He unveiled his darkest secret in front of his son. He told him about Katherine leaving. He told him about panicking and not being able to tell his eight year-old kid that his mother had walked away from them because she cared more about her dreams than her family. He told him about blurting out a lie that had haunted him for so many years.
"She came to the garage a few weeks ago," Burt said. Kurt was frozen, he hadn't reacted at all. His hand was loose in Blaine's. Burt wasn't even sure if he had seen him blink since he had started talking. "She came back. She…"
"No," Kurt finally spoke, but it was so soft that at first Blaine and Burt thought they had imagined it. "No. This is… this can't be true."
"Kurt…"
"How could you lie to me?" His blue eyes began filling up with tears. Just the sight of this broken boy was enough to cause a deep pain in the other two men's hearts.
"I had to," Burt said through gritted teeth, trying to stop himself from crying, too.
"No, you didn't!" Kurt screamed, his voice resounding against the walls of the little dormroom. "You could've been honest! You could've just told me that she didn't want me! You could've told me that my own mother didn't care about me!"
"I couldn't break your heart!" Burt exclaimed.
"But you could lie to me? You could betray me?" Kurt spat the words as he stood up brusquely, tearing his hand away from Blaine's. "I spent half my life grieving and practically worshiping a woman who apparently didn't give a shit about me!"
"Kurt…" Blaine spoke for the first time in a while. "I don't think it's like that. If you would just…"
"You knew?" Kurt said, turning to his boyfriend with fire in his gaze. "You knew about this and you didn't tell me?"
"It wasn't my secret to tell, Kurt…" Blaine mumbled, sadly.
"Oh my god, I can't believe I'm hearing all this," Kurt covered his ears with his hands in desperation. "I can't believe this is happening."
"Kurt, please…" Burt whispered and the tears were already running down his cheeks.
But Kurt's eyes were still fixed on Blaine. "Have you seen her?"
Blaine's heart pounded against his chest. "Kurt…"
"Answer the question, Blaine. Have you seen her?" He repeated, obfuscated.
Blaine swallowed before he nodded, slowly.
It took just a heartbeat. They were all staring at each other for just a matter of seconds before Kurt picked up his coat that he had taken off when they had come into the room.
"Wait. Kurt, where are you going?" Burt asked, anxiously.
"I don't know. I don't care. Away from you," he answered as he slipped on it.
"I'll go with you," Blaine immediately said.
"No!" Kurt stood with his hand on the doorknob. "I don't want anything to do with either of you right now. Just leave me alone."
"Baby…" Blaine muttered, brokenly, but Kurt had already left the room and was slamming the door in his face.
They waited. They told themselves Kurt needed some time to process everything. They told themselves that he would come back in a couple of hours and they would talk and find a solution to all of this together.
But Kurt didn't come back and time kept passing by.
When Burt got so anxious Blaine started fearing he would have another heart attack, he called Finn and Rachel, who were there in fifteen minutes.
They decided to go out and try to find Kurt to bring him back before it got too dark outside. He was too upset to be wandering around alone in such a dangerous city. What if something had happened to him?
But Blaine couldn't afford to think like that. If he was going to lose Kurt, it wasn't going to be because something would happen to him. It would be because Kurt hated him for hiding what he knew.
They split in two. Finn would go with Burt and he would go with Rachel. They took cabs, they walked around, they stopped in all the places Kurt usually went.
But there were no signs of him. He had vanished in the city.
Rachel tried calling him for the millionth time, but Kurt didn't pick up.
"Can you at least tell me what happened?" She asked, as Blaine stared out the window of yet another cab.
The streets were full of people, so crowded that it was hard making out everyone's faces. But to Blaine, they were empty, because Kurt wasn't there.
He didn't answer. He couldn't. He knew that if he opened his mouth, all that would come out of it would be a sob.
He couldn't break down just yet. He needed to make sure Kurt was safe first.
It was past midnight and Rachel was absolutely exhausted. She had a test in the morning and, though she claimed she didn't care and that she wanted to keep helping Blaine, Blaine walked her back to her dorm.
"I'll go back to Kurt's room and see if he came back," Blaine said. "You should get some rest."
"But Blaine…" she whined.
"Rachel, please," he rubbed his temples, exhausted. "I know you want to help, but I need some time to think and I need you to understand that."
"Okay," she whispered. She kissed his cheek sweetly. "It was nice seeing you, even though it's not in the best circumstances…"
He nodded. He would've said something in return, but his thoughts were nothing but an incesant echo of KurtKurtKurtKurt.
The room was still empty. Blaine's heart clenched in desperation when he found it just the same way it was when they had left it that afternoon.
He sat on Kurt's bed and finally allowed himself to break down. The tears were coming down his cheeks before he even had time to register what was going on.
At this point, he didn't care if Kurt said he didn't want to see him anymore. All he cared about was knowing if he was okay or not. He wanted Kurt to be safe.
He didn't know what he would do if he wasn't.
Blaine had probably cried himself to sleep because the sound of the door woke him up. He sat up on the bed, suddenly, startled, not knowing where he was.
Until he saw Kurt standing by the closed door. He looked terrible. His hair was dishveled, his eyes were red and puffy and he was so much paler than Blaine had ever seen him.
But he was there.
"Kurt…" Blaine croaked.
"Where's my dad?" He asked in a low, tired voice.
"Out with Finn, looking for you," Blaine answered. "I came back a little while ago. I was with Rachel but we didn't know where to look for you…"
"I was on the rooftop," Kurt shrugged, but even that seemed unnatural. It was as if he wasn't comfortable in his own skin. "I needed to think."
"I was so worried," Blaine said, stumbling over his own words. He was nervous, desperate. "I know you don't want anything to do with me right now, but I…"
"I just can't believe everything was a lie," Kurt mumbled, dropping down on the floor with his back against the door and hugging his kness to his chest. He looked like a child. "I can't believe my dad would lie about something like that…"
"He knows that what he did was wrong," Blaine said softly. "He knows that. It's been haunting him for quite some time. But all he wanted to do was protect you, Kurt. You were eight. You were just a kid. How would you have felt if he'd told you the truth?"
"I don't know," Kurt closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the door with a thump. "But hearing it all at eighteen isn't much better."
"I know it isn't." Blaine carefully stood and walked to him, slow, hesitant steps towards his boyfriend, giving him time to stop him if he wanted to. "Burt was desperate when he told you that lie. He had to break his son's heart when his own heart was already shattered to pieces. I don't justify him," he added quickly at Kurt's slight glare, "but I understand him. You have no idea how precious you are, Kurt. When you're hurting, it's like the whole world is crumbling down. And even though learning that your mother had died was terrible, it would've been even worse if you had known the truth…"
Kurt shook his head but he didn't say anything.
Blaine stared at him, helplessly. "Tell me what to do to fix this. Please."
They were silent for so long that Blaine thought, for a moment, that Kurt had fallen asleep right there on the floor.
"Why is she back?" Kurt asked and he sounded even more pained that before. "Why now?"
Blaine swallowed. He wasn't sure if he was the right person to tell Kurt the rest of the story, but if Kurt wanted him to, he would. "Do you want me to tell you the rest or do you want to wait and hear it from your father?"
Kurt took a deep breath, as if bracing himself for what was to come. "Tell me what you know."
Blaine nodded. He sat on the floor across from Kurt, making sure they weren't touching, just in case, although he was dying to grab Kurt's hand, to kiss him, to comfort him somehow. "She's sick. She doesn't have much time left and she wants to see you before it's too late."
He knew what he had said was too hard, that he probably should have said it slowly. But he thought of it as ripping a Band-Aid off. The quicker, the better.
Kurt gasped. "She's dying?"
"Yes," Blaine said simply.
"So I've just learnt that my mother is alive but now she's going to die… again."
Blaine said nothing.
Kurt surprised him when he started laughing. It was a humourless, bitter laugh. "What is she trying to do, then? Trying to get my forgiveness and earn her place in fucking heaven? Is that what she wants? Is she going to play the victim part now?"
"She's scared, Kurt," Blaine sighed. He pulled his knees to his chest, too. "She's devastated. And she knows she made lots of mistakes, but…"
"You've been talking to her," Kurt stared at him with wide eyes. "More than once."
There was no point in lying, Blaine knew. There were already too many lies between them. "Yes."
"Why?" The absolute hurt in Kurt's voice threatened to tear Blaine's heart apart.
"I first went see her to tell her to leave your father alone. I was worried about him stressing too much…" Blaine explained, his eyes fixed on his own hands as if he had never seen anything as interesting before.
"And then?" Kurt said, cautiously.
"Then she needed me," Blaine answered, forcing himself to look up at his boyfriend.
"She needed you?" Kurt repeated, incredulous.
"Yes," Blaine took a deep breath. This was probably one of the hardest parts to tell. "Sometimes she's so sick she can't even take care of… of your sister."
The sharp intake of breath that came from Kurt was the only sound breaking the silence in the room. Before Blaine could say anything else, Kurt started crying, sob after sob making his body shake.
"Oh, Kurt…" he crawled towards him, slowly, trying not to scare him away. "I'm so sorry, honey."
"Why is all of this happening?" Kurt said, hiding his face in his hands. "How could my dad do this to me? How could my own mother abandon me?"
Blaine wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, glad that Kurt didn't push him away. "Deep down, they just wanted the best for you, but they both made mistakes and screwed up instead…"
"I've spent so many years crying over someone who didn't give a shit about me," Kurt was shivering in his arms. "She gave up on her family and now she has another kid?"
"I think your mom's been lost for a long time now," Blaine said, kissing the top of his head. "Leaving you and your dad was just the first of many mistakes she made. And now she's realized that, but it's… it's too late, Kurt."
Kurt stayed silent for what it seemed like forever. Blaine was cold and uncomfortable there on the floor, but he didn't dare to move. When Kurt whispered, it startled him. He was almost sure his boyfriend had fallen asleep.
"I'm so tired…"
"It's okay, sweetheart," Blaine rubbed his bag comfortingly. "Let me get you into bed…"
Kurt allowed Blaine to help him up and into bed. Blaine removed his boots and his coat, helped him out of his pants and his shirt. Kurt scooted over on the bed, making room for him and Blaine felt so overwhelmingly relieved that his boyfriend wanted him there that he didn't even undress. He crawled into bed with him and held him close.
He typed a message to Burt very quickly letting him know that Kurt was with him, but that he wasn't ready to talk to him yet. Burt texted him back, saying he would go to a motel and that Finn would stay with Rachel so Blaine could stay with Kurt. Blaine left his cellphone on the bedside table and softly hummed a random melody, hoping it was soothing.
"Blaine?" Kurt spoke after a few long minutes.
"Yes?" He stroked his hair gently. Part of him hated the reason why he was there, but other was so fucking glad to have Kurt in his arms again. He had missed him painfully.
"What's her name?" Kurt whispered.
"Your sister's?" Blaine frowned, confused for a moment. Kurt nodded as he swallowed, hesintantly. "Kara."
Kurt's hands tightened his fists in Blaine's shirt. "Kara?"
"Yes," Blaine confirmed. "She's eight months old."
After another long pause, Kurt began talking again. "When I was little, I didn't like being an only child. I would always ask my mom for a brother or sister to play with. I didn't have many friends and most of the times I had to play alone or with my parents." Kurt stopped and wiped some tears away. "Everytime we talked about it, I would tell her that whatever it was, a boy or a girl, the baby's name would have to start with a K." He moved closer, obviously seeking for comfort. "Katherine, Kurt, Kara. We were supposed to be like the three musketeers."
Blaine's chest tightener at those words, at those broken memories of a boy who had had his world taken away from him and exchanged for another one in which he'd had to grow up surrounded by lies.
"I can't forgive her, Blaine," Kurt sobbed, burying his face on the crook of his neck. "I just can't."
"It's okay, sweetheart," Blaine cooed lovingly. "It's not your fault…"
"I don't want to have anything to do with them," Kurt lifted up his head just enough to look Blaine in the eyes. He was the absolute definition of misery right then. "Not even my dad. I can't deal with him now."
Blaine knew that was going to kill Burt, but he nodded. Kurt needed time. They all would have to give it to him. "I'm so sorry, Kurt. I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I just… I couldn't."
"Let's… let's not talk about it tonight, okay?" Kurt pleaded, desperately. "I want to just be here with you until the morning."
Blaine wasn't sure what that meant. He didn't know if Kurt would want to say goodbye to him in the morning or if he would forgive him for his silence. The only thing he knew was that he had a few more hours to hold him close, so that's exactly what he did.
When the morning came, it was, once again, the sound of the door that woke Blaine up. The sweet, warm weight of Kurt wrapped around him made him smile for a moment. But when he remembered how bad things had been the previous day, the smile vanished.
Finn was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, looking at them. "How is he doing?"
"Not good," Blaine sighed. "How's Burt?"
"Not good," Finn answered with a sad smile. "How the hell did all of this happen?"
"I wish I knew," Blaine pressed his lips to Kurt's forehead and stayed there, even though he needed to pee badly, even though Finn was just staring at them, even though he needed to find Burt and see if he needed something. Kurt was here. It was all that mattered to him now.
"I have to go to class," Finn announced. "Will you and Burt still be here by the time I come back?"
"I don't know. It depends on how Kurt is feeling and on what Burt wants to do now," Blaine replied. "But in case I don't see you, thanks for your help last night, Finn."
"Don't worry about it, dude. He's my brother."
After a quick goodbye, Finn left for his class, leaving Kurt and Blaine alone again. It wasn't too long after that Kurt started shifting until he woke up completely. At first, a happy, dreamy smile extended on his lips, as he hummed in contentment and moved closer to his boyfriend's warmth. But when reality hit, he almost jumped back and away from him.
"Ssh, it's okay," Blaine soothed him quietly.
Kurt still untangled himself from him. "My head hurts."
"Do you want me to get you an aspirin or something?" Blaine offered, immediately standing up.
"No," Kurt looked up at him with bright eyes. His eyes were still red and he didn't look any better than the night before. "Blaine, I… I need to be alone."
Blaine swallowed. This was exactly what he had been dreading. "O-okay. I can go get you a coffee, come back in a while, give you time to…"
"Blaine," Kurt cut off in a monotone. "I want you to go back to Ohio with my dad. I really need to be alone and think this through."
Blaine forbade himself to cry right there and then. He would wait until he was in the hallway, at least. He nodded and picked up his things before walking to the door. Once he was there, he looked over his shoulder at Kurt, who was curled in on himself and staring at nothing.
"Are we going to be okay, Kurt?" The question escaped through his lips and he was so obviously scared, terrified of losing Kurt.
But Kurt didn't even look at him. He didn't answer. He was already lost in his own thoughts and Blaine's heart broke another bit.
He left without promises, hopeless and aimless.
The flight back to Ohio was silent.
Blaine had never seen Burt looking like that before. It was obvious he hadn't slept all night. The dark marks under his eyes and the mask of pain he was wearing didn't seem to fit the strong, determined, sharp man Blaine was used to seeing. This whole thing had torn him apart.
Blaine knew he didn't look any better. All of his fears were suddenly right there in front of him, closing around him, choking him, leaving no possible way out. Kurt was going to leave him, that much seemed certain. What wasn't certain was what Blaine would do with his life when that happened. Kurt was the love of his life. When he thought of his future, he thought of getting married to him, coming home to him everyday, adopting kids with him, growing old with him… Kurt was always going to be his future.
When the plane landed, Blaine felt as if the tether that had been binding him to Kurt broke. He stood in the middle of the crowded airport, feeling lost and helpless, and he cried like he had never cried in his life before.
His entire existence was falling apart, but without Kurt, he didn't care enough to try and pick up the pieces.
Please don't kill me for this bit of angst. I hope you liked it! Review and tell me what you thought of it :)
Until next time!
L.-
Comments
LEGIT CREYS
I found this story last week, saved it to my Favorites, and started reading it last night and I can't stop reading it!