Blaine was not freaking out. Definitely not. He'd paid his ex-boyfriend's best friend/roommate's boyfriend to relieve his sexual frustration and was just a room away from him, but tuat was certainly no reason to freak out. He was a mature, almost-adult; he had to approach this in a calm, rational manner. He and Kurt hadn't been together, he was allowed to sleep with other people. It wasn't as if Kurt and his boyfriend weren't.... doing... things. Blaine tried to stop thinking about that very quickly. Anyway, even if Brody told Rachel and Rachel told Kurt, he hadn't done anything wrong and that was that. Besides, based on how Rachel was talking about how Brody was the perfect boyfriend over the pizza they'd had for dinner, it appeared that she had no idea as to how he paid the rent. He probably had nothing to worry about.

Now Blaine and Kurt were sitting on the sofa, watching a movie and Blaine was totally paying attention to Meryl Streep bitch out Anne Hathaway about fashion (which Kurt muttered approval at) and not at all thinking of-

God dammit Brody just walked by in nothing but a towel.

Blaine's eyes involuntarily followed Brody as he strutted past them. He tried to look away as his muscles in his arm shifted as he reached up to get a box of cereal out of one of the overhead cabinets in the kitchen. Anne Hathaway was now getting a makeover and- jesus christ you shold not need to bend over that much to reach a carton of milk on the first shelf.

It wasn't even like Blaine wanted Brody. Sure, there was no denying that Brody was attractive, but their meeting had only been to blow off some steam... And maybe blow hadn't been the right choice of words because- holy shit drinking milk shouldn't look so erotic. He didn't want Brody, but everything he did seemed to be a screaming reminder of the night before.

"Sometimes I really miss you."

Blaine whipped his head around to see Kurt looking down at his hands, not making eye contact. Blaine kind of just sat there, dumbstruck, as Kurt leaned up against him, resting his head on Blaine's shoulder.

"I miss you all the time," Blaine replied, because it was true.

"I know... I'm sorry," Krt whispered, turning his head slightly to press a kiss against Blaine's neck.

And... yes... good. Blaine could work with this. He just... didn't really know how to. He sat there in panic for a few moments, every brush of Kurt's lips sending another jolt of electricity through his nerves. He kind of felt like dying, trying to solve the internal war he was battling between wanting this so much and not wanting it if it wasn't going to mean anything.

"Blaine? I'm sorry. If you want me to stop-" Kurt began, pulling back and scanning Blaine's face with his eyes for some reaction.

"No, no, no," Blaine blurted out, instantly missing the touch. "I just... Kurt," he paused, locking his gaze with the other boy's, "I love you... so much. And I don't want to do this if it doesn't mean the same thing for you."

Kurt scooted closer, clasping Blaine's hands in his own. "It doesn't have to, Blaine. It's just fooling around. We're just fr-"

"No, we aren't!" Blaine snapped, pulling away. "And it does have to mean something. It always has, and I can see that. I don't know why you're trying to fool yourself."

Had had drawn back as well and Blaine instantly regretted raising his voice.

"Well..." Kurt began, his voice tight as he obviously tried to hide the quiver as he swallowed the lump in his throat. "It doesn't mean anything and I'm sorry that you can't seem to tell the difference between how you feel in your heart and your dick."

Blaine reached forward, trying to draw Kurt close but the other boy pulled away. Blaine paused for a moment, then reached for Kurt again. This time, Kurt pushed him back on the couch and stood up. He glared down at Blaine as he stormed out of the room.

* * * * *

Blaine heard the shower running about ten minutes later. Kurt was probably trying to steam out any frustration he was feeling. That or he just didn't want to see Blaine and in an apartment where cheap shower curtains acted as room dividers, there were very few places to go. Blaine rolled over on the couch and buried his face in a pillow. He couldn't take this back and forth, on and off, ambiguously intimate relationship.

It was at this point that Blaine Anderson made a fairly grown-up decision (a concept that, while not entirely foreign, was still new to him). If Kurt didn't see this hooking up every now and then as anything for than friends with benefitss, Blaine couldn't force that on him. Kurt would come around... or maybe he wouldn't. Maybe they weren't meant to be and Blaine couldn't change that... (But who was he kidding, they were totally meant to be.)

He didn't know where this road led (nor why he was suddenly thinking so philosophically). All he knew was what he wanted right now, and that was as much as he could have with Kurt.

Blaine lifted himself up off the couch. His eyes were red and slightly puffy and, yeah, he'd kind of been crying into a pillow for the last few minutes, but that wasn't important.

He was going to make things right with Kurt.

He crossed the room to stant in front of the bathroom door. He raised his hand to knock, but then thought better to just walk in. Maybe he'd give this long, heartfelt confession and they'd have passionate, steamy, make-up sex in the shower... Yeah.

Blaine silently opened the door. He could make out Kurt's silhouette behind the limescale build up on the curtain. He stood at the door for a few moments, trying to collect his thoughts. The humidity wasn't helping the feeling that he couldn't breathe. He grasped for some semblance of calm in his brain, but ten thousand possibilities were reeling through his mind.

"Fuck it," he muttered under his breath as he strode forward with as much confidence as he could muster. He took a deep breath and then reached up to pull back the shower curtain. "Kurt, I-"

But Blaine didn't get much further than that. He stood frozen, turning a deep shade of scarlet.

Because it hadn't been Kurt in the shower, and now Blaine realized that his eyes had travelled south as he was staring at the smooth, toned, tanned body of Rachel's prostitute-who-Blaine-had-messed-around-with-in-a-heated-and-terribly-thought-out-night-of-sexual-frustration boyfriend. He just kind of made confused babbling noises for a while, unable to recall anything in the English language that would pass as appropriate in this situation.

"Blaine?"

And Blaine was now sure that he had never in his life more resembled the shade of a lobster.

Because that had been Kurt. Brody's eyes shot up at the same time Blaine whipped around to see his ex-boyfriend and current love of his life staring in confusion at a very red Blaine and a very naked Brody from the open door of the bathroom.

"I- it-..." Blaine started, making grand hand gestures as if that would better explain the situation that he himself didn't understand. Kurt waited, obviously growing very impatient for an explanation.

"I thought you were-... but it was him-" Blaine flung his hand back to point at Brody, who was taking his sweet time to get a towel.

Blaine sighed and tried again, the heat of embarrassment sending rivulets down the back of his neck.

"IthoughtyouwereintheshowerandIwasgoingtoapologizeanditwouldbegreatandromanticandwe'dhaveshowersexbutthenitwasBrodyandIleftthedooropenand and-" he admitted in a single breath.

Brody began snickering behind them and Blaine turned to glare at him, but realized too late that he probably looked more like a toddler throwing a tantrum than actually intimidating. Based on Brody's now very audible laughter in response, that was the case. Everything was wrong and he was pretty sure the steam and heat in the room was making his curls twist out if his carefully styled gel and he just wanted to throw his hands up in defeat and go take a nap or something.

Suddenly, he heard a very familiar sound that caught him off guard. Blaine's eyes snapped up from where they'd been boring holes into the linoleum floor to look at Kurt in shocked confusion. The man who had previously looked like he was ready to skin both Blaien and Brody to make himself a very fashionable pair of shoes was now covering his mouth to hide a giggle.

"I'm sorry," he mouthed as he looked down, though not out of shame as much as obviously not being able to look at Blaine and keep a straight face. It wasn't entirely insensitive. Blaine kind of looked like a kicked puppy, which was an admittedly hilarious look on a 17 year old boy.

"I don't understand," Blaine muttered, the hurt apparent in his voice (and a little too apparent, honestly, but Blaine had always been one for dramatics).

Kurt sighed and grabbed Blaine's (sweaty) hand, dragging him out of the room. Blaine turned back quickly enough to see Brody smile wolfishly and wink before he was yanked around the corner towards Kurt's room.

* * * * *

Blaine was sitting on Kurt's bed, wondering how Kurt, who was very adament about privacy, managed to be content with the openness of his room to the rest of the apartment. Kurt was changing into a t-shirt and pajama pants when Blaine realized that he was still wearing one of his ridiculous bowtie-cardigan-ankle-pants combos and suddenly felt far too overdressed.

Kurt bounced onto the bed to sit beside him, taking Blaine's hands in his again. Blaine sighed at the familiar intimacy. There was a moment where they just held each other's gaze, and it was so comfortable and familiar that it made Blaine's heart ache with nostalgia.

"I'm sorry," Kurt admitted, so quiet that Blaine almost thought he'd imagined it. Kurt looked up at him with watery eyes. "I shouldn't have given you this... I don't know... false hope when I knew what I was doing to you." Kurt paused for a moment and took a deep breath. "I just made forgetting me even harder."

"No," Blaine interrupted quickly. Kurt looked taken aback, but Blaine just moved closer on the bed until their knees awkwardly touched. "I'm sorry. You made it clear that it wasn't anything more than a hook-up or... whatever and I should've respected that." Blaine squeezed Kurt's hands tighter.

"I just.... I want all of you," Blaine almost whispered, feeling uncomfortable with opening up after months of shoving this all down. "But... I'd rather have some of you than nothing at all."

His eyes flickered up to meet Kurt, who looked so sweetly sad. He felt hot tears streaming down his cheeks which he knew were already splotchy and red by this point. He forced himself to hold Kurt's gaze, even if it meant his heart beating so hard it felt like it would bruise his chest.

Kurt obviously felt uncomfortable with the staring contest and looked away, starting to pull back. Blaine impulsively brought a hand to the back of Kurt's neck, pushing him forward as he leaned in to catch the boy's lips in a kiss. Kurt sighed into the kiss, and Blaine felt a tear hit his thumb as he brought his other hand up to caress Kurt's jawline.

"I don't think this is a good idea," Kurt murmured breathlessly against Blaine's lips.

"I disagree," Blaine mumbled matter-of-factly. "I think it's the first good idea I've had all day."

Blaine felt Kurt smiled against his lips as he opened his mouth to deepen the kiss.

"You're so adorable when you get cocky."