"Meow?"

Carson opened his eyes, squinting in the dim light of his bedroom as he felt something small and furry pressed against his bare chest. He glanced down and saw Kurtsie Kitty looking up at him curiously, his paws crossed in front of each other as he perched delicately on Carson's chest.

"Meow."

"Morning, little guy," he whispered, scratching behind one of Kurtsie Kitty's ears with his free hand, the other hand firmly wrapped around the peacefully sleeping Kurt cuddled up beside him with their legs tangled together. The peacefully sleeping, very warm, very naked Kurt.

Carson smiled to himself as the memories of the previous night came flooding back into his brain. Going grocery shopping with Kurt as his twin filled the basket with all the things he knew Carson liked ("I'm going to get you eating again, Carsey, now do you want Lucky Charms or Golden Grahams?"). Splitting a package of M&Ms on the way home, with Kurt lovingly feeding him all the blue ones. Taking forever to put the groceries away once they finally got home because they were far too busy sneaking kisses and teasing caresses. Kissing their way into the bedroom, tearing off clothes all the way and tackling each other onto the bed. Hands desperately exploring skin. Kurt on top of him, riding him as he leaned down and kissed him passionately. Does he have any idea how beautiful he looks like that? The way Kurt's face looked as he came, his blue eyes wide open, his cheeks glowing, and his mouth forming a perfect 'O' shape as he spilled his seed across Carson's stomach and chest. Kurt looking at him with so much love in his eyes when Carson ran his finger through the mess and tasted it. Kurt falling asleep in his arms with a contented sigh.

"Mmmph," mumbled Kurt softly, beginning to stir in Carson's arms, his warm breath exhaling pleasantly on his chest. "Something's tickling my face."

"That would be Kurtsie Kitty's whiskers, love," said Carson, leaning his face down to kiss Kurt's forehead as Kurtsie Kitty gave Kurt the cat version of a side-eye.

"Make him stooooop," Kurt groaned, batting lazily at his face with one hand.

"Somebody's grumpy this morning."

"Not grumpy, just don't like things touching my face this early in the morning," Kurt mumbled, burrowing in closer to Carson. "Mmm, you're warm."

"Nothing touching your face? Nothing at all?" asked Carson teasingly. "Not even these?" He tilted Kurt's head up with one hand, leaning his face down to meet it so he could catch Kurt's lips in a soft, tender kiss.

"Mmm, well, for that I could make an exception," Kurt said with a smile, kissing him back fervently. Carson felt a soft tongue darting out to sneak a taste of his bottom lip, which sent a pleasant shiver throughout his entire body. It was a weird feeling still, having Kurt back with him, even after several days. On one hand, he was so used to being alone, but on the other hand, it almost felt like they'd never lost any time. Somehow, Kurt didn't completely hate him for what he'd put him through. And for that, Carson was truly very grateful.

"So, on a scale from one to ten, how badly did I wear you out last night?" asked Kurt after he had parted from the kiss.

"Eleven and a half, but it was so worth it," replied Carson with a smile. "By the way, I definitely think you on top is my new favorite position."

"Oh?" said Kurt with a raise of an eyebrow. "Don't be so quick to decide. There's many positions we haven't even tried yet, honey."

"Is that a proposition?" asked Carson hopefully.

"Nope. Not right now. You have class, and you need breakfast," said Kurt, kissing Carson's chest softly.

"I could skip class again," Carson protested, nuzzling his face behind Kurt's ear and kissing the sensitive skin there. "I've been gone for days. Nobody will miss me."

"Mmm... nope."

"I don't need to eat."

"Oh yes you do!" Kurt protested firmly, sitting up in bed and looking down at Carson with a stern look on his face. "You're practically nothing but skin and bones. You're going to eat."

"Meow?" chimed in Kurtsie Kitty, his ears perking up at the sound of the word "eat."

"See? Even the little fur beast agrees with me," Kurt said triumphantly.

"Traitor," Carson muttered, sticking his tongue out at Kurtsie Kitty and making a face. "You just don't want me to get laid."

"Meow," replied Kurtsie Kitty, stretching his body out and yawning.

"Come on, Carsey. You have to eat, so tell me. What would you like?" Kurt asked, slipping out of bed and putting his naked body on full display for Carson to appreciate. Carson still wasn't used to that gorgeous sight greeting him every morning, either.

"I definitely see something I'd like, but you're being mean and won't let me have it," Carson pouted, his eyes roaming over every inch of Kurt, who preened at the attention. Carson doubted that he even knew he was doing it, which made it all the more adorable.

"Aw, honey. You can have this when you get home," Kurt promised, smiling as he grabbed one of Carson's larger hoodies from its spot hanging off the back of a chair. That was another thing Carson loved seeing. The suitcase Kurt had retrieved from his barely used hotel room the day after he and Carson had reconciled only contained so many articles of clothing, and as a result Kurt had been making significant use of Carson's clothing to wear around the house. Usually just a hoodie and nothing else, as he was doing now. Carson definitely appreciated the vision.

"Promise?" asked Carson.

"Cross my heart," replied Kurt with a smile. "Now, seriously, what do you want for breakfast?"

"Mmmm... pancakes?" asked Carson. "It's literally been years since I've tasted your pancakes, and no, that wasn't a sexual innuendo."

Kurt snorted. "Oh god, I've missed you so much."

Carson smiled, feeling the blush begin to creep over his face. "I love you."

"I love you too," Kurt replied, crossing over to the bed and leaning down to cup Carson's face in both hands, kissing him softly on the lips. "Now I'm going to go start some pancakes. You get yourself together. And feed that cat before he murders us."

"Yes, Mom," Carson answered with an affectionate eye roll. He watched Kurt exit the room, moving his hips just so in that special sexy walk that Carson had no idea how he did it so perfectly. Gorgeous, he thought as he got out of bed and shuffled, naked, out of the room. He made his way into the kitchen first, filling Kurtsie Kitty's dishes with food and fresh water and sneaking a kiss to the back of Kurt's neck that made his twin squeal.

"Better go shower and put on clothes," said Kurt. "Otherwise, I may not be able to stop myself from jumping your bones right here in the kitchen."

"Oh god, don't tease me," Carson groaned, kissing Kurt's skin one more time before heading for the bathroom, a happy smile on his face. That was yet another weird thing for him. Smiling. He'd grown so accustomed to not smiling... to never really having a reason to smile... that it felt almost completely foreign to him now whenever he felt a flash of actual happiness.

His smile disappeared quickly as he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. For two years, he'd never actually looked at himself. He'd seen himself, of course, but he hadn't really looked. Now he was beginning to really see what he looked like. What two years of constant depression and anxiety had done to him, and the toll they had taken on his face and his body. He took in his pale complexion, offset by slowly fading dark circles under his eyes. His slightly sunken cheeks. His body that didn't look a thing like Kurt's anymore.

I look gross, he thought, frowning as he looked at himself critically. I don't understand what he sees in me when he could... ok... ok, Carson, you need to stop. Stop thinking that way. Look where it got you the last time you did.

But still, he's so out of my league.

He showered and dressed quickly, and by the time he made his way back out to the kitchen, he could smell the wonderful aroma of pancakes in the air. Kurt stood at the stove, humming a song under his breath as he slid a pancake onto an already large pile on a plate. Carson crossed over to him and wrapped his arms around him from behind, burying his face in his twin's neck.

"I'm not sure what smells more awesome, you or the pancakes," said Carson.

"The pancakes, I'm sure. I still smell like sweat and sex," said Kurt, leaning back into the hug.

"Yeah, like I said, I don't know what smells better."

Kurt laughed and took the plate of pancakes in his hands, turning around and carrying them over to the table, on which already sat two glasses of juice, a bottle of syrup, two plates, and Carson's anti-depressants. He set the plate down in the middle of the table and pulled out a chair, gesturing toward it grandly and looking at Carson. "Come sit, my prince."

"You're corny," Carson said with a smile as he slid into the offered seat.

"I'm in love," said Kurt. "I'm supposed to be corny. And also supposed to be able to not wonder too deeply why there's baby bottles in the cupboard."

Carson snorted. "Well, see, Kurt, those were for a baby. I'm sorry, I should have told you earlier. I'm a parent now."

Kurt looked at him, his mouth twitching at the corners as though he didn't quite know what to say. "…...What?"

"Yep," Carson replied. "It's a boy. He's a little over a year old now, and he doesn't need those bottles anymore."

"What?"

"Yeah, now he's old enough for me to just leave him alone all day while I go to school," Carson continued, enjoying himself. "He can't reach the stove, so I don't worry too much about him burning the place down."

"You're talking about the cat, aren't you?" Kurt said with a roll of his eyes.

"Yes, you dork! God, can you imagine me with a kid? I can barely take care of myself," said Carson, snorting. Kurt swatted him on the shoulder as he went back into the kitchen and came back with two forks, handing one to Carson and using the other to spear a pancake, which he set onto his plate.

"You're such a goon. So, will you have a very long day today? I know you have lots to make up for, from skipping classes and all."

"Um... I guess not? I only have two classes today, so I'll be home relatively early," Carson said as he worked open the bottle of pills, avoiding the piercing gaze that he could feel Kurt fixing him with. This was only his third day of taking the anti-depressants, and Kurt watched him do it every single time, with a look of worry mixed with relief on his face. It was usually a slightly uncomfortable moment for the both of them, Carson knew.

"Ok," said Kurt, and Carson could sense the relief in his voice as he watched him swallow down the pill. "Ok, good. Then I guess I'll hang out here with devil kitty until you get back." Carson smiled. Ever since Kurt had learned Kurtsie Kitty's name, he seemed unable to actually refer to him by it. It was cute.

"Kurtsie Kitty, Kurt," he said just to be a troll as he poured syrup over his pancakes. "His name is Kurtsie Kitty."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I just can't call him that," said Kurt with a shake of his head. "I still can't believe you named a cat after me."

"I missed you," Carson said through a mouthful of pancake. "And he does have your eyes."

"He most certainly does not."

"Does too."

"Does not."

"Does too. Don't you, Kurtsie Kitty?" said Carson, looking around the kitchen for the cat, who was usually never very far from where there was food. As if on cue, he felt claws climbing up his leg and then Kurtsie Kitty was on his lap, peering curiously over the edge of the table at the pancake stack.

"Don't even think about it, Fuzzy," said Kurt. "This is people food."

Kurtsie Kitty cocked his head to the side, as though considering Kurt's words. He was still for a second, and then before Carson could stop him, he was climbing up on the table and sinking his teeth into the top pancake in the stack. He dragged it off and jumped down from the table with it, and the sight of such a little cat struggling with a pancake that was bigger than he was caused Carson to almost choke on his food.

"Oh my god," he said after swallowing down a sip of juice. "That's my boy!"

Kurt just looked between him and the cat, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. "What the hell just happened?"

"I think you just got told," said Carson. "Kurtsie Kitty is a tough kind of cat."

"He's a jerk," muttered Kurt.

"He's my baby," protested Carson, pouring more syrup on his pancakes and watching as Kurtsie Kitty finally settled into the corner of the kitchen with his prize, tearing small pieces off of it with his teeth and chewing delicately.

"I thought I was your baby."

"Ok, he's my second baby," Carson corrected himself. "You're my first, and will always be."

Kurt grinned.

Kurt tried not to worry too much after Carson headed out the door for his classes. After all, he reasoned, it was going to be a short day. Carson had said so himself. And the weather called for clear, sunny skies all day. Not a drop of rain to be expected. Kurt felt better that at least there wasn't a risk of his twin experiencing a panic attack at school without him there to help him through it. Now that he had witnessed one first hand, there was no way in hell that he ever wanted Carson to go through that alone again, even if he did carry his anti-anxiety medication with him at all times. Just remembering the way Carson had been crying and shaking in the corner of the bathroom, and knowing that he'd done the same thing many times over the years completely alone, with no one to comfort him... Kurt didn't even want to think about it.

He's never going through that by himself again. Never. I won't allow him to.

He took care of the dishes after Carson left, giving side-eye to Kurtsie Kitty over in the corner, who was still only about halfway through his stolen pancake. He shook his head as he ran a plate under the sink, wondering for the millionth time what in the hell had possessed Carson to name the cat after him. Did he really miss me that much? He put himself through all that pain and separation because he thought he wasn't good enough? Oh, honey. You're more than good enough. You're perfect. I just wish you'd have let me take care of you all this time.

But I guess if Pancake Thief helped get you through it, he can't be all bad.

Kurt smiled and approached Kurtsie Kitty, squatting down on his heels and gingerly offering the cat a finger to inspect. Maybe they could learn to become friends. Carson would like that.

"Hi, um... kitty," he said gently, feeling awkward as hell talking to a cat. "Um... how are you?"

Kurtsie Kitty ignored him, continuing to chew on his pancake with great concentration. Kurt had no idea where he was putting it all. He was such a tiny thing, and had already eaten all the food Carson had put in his dish that morning. Must be nice to have that kind of metabolism.

"So... I know you probably don't like me very much," Kurt continued. "Because, I mean, you were having a nice time, just you and your human, and then another human comes along and starts hogging all your human's time, but... well... maybe we could learn to get along for Carson's sake? Like... I can promise not to hold it against you for cutting my finger when we first met, and maybe you can promise to stay out of my suitcase, and not to watch creepily while Carson and I have sex? And maybe we can co-exist peacefully. I don't know. Something to think about."

Kurtsie Kitty stopped chewing and looked at Kurt, his blue eyes shining and his head cocked to the side, as if to say "Why are you still talking?"

"Truce?" said Kurt, moving his finger closer to the cat. Kurtsie Kitty looked at it for a second before taking one final chew off of his pancake and sashaying out of the kitchen. Kurt sighed, looking down at the mess of half eaten pancake on the floor.

Oh well. Fine. Let him be a bitch cat. He's the one that has to deal with me, since I'm not going anywhere.

He cleaned up Kurtsie Kitty's mess and proceeded with his day, taking a shower and changing into a pair of Carson's jeans and a hoodie, since he wasn't planning to be out of the apartment that day. Otherwise, he wouldn't even consider dressing like Carson. Not that his twin's style was bad, it just wasn't Kurt Hummel. He wished he'd packed more clothes with him, but he had hardly been thinking about fashion at the time, what with his worry over Carson and his blind anger toward Blaine.

He wondered how things were going over at the loft. If Santana had confronted Blaine with what she had found out, or if Blaine had ever figured out that she had stolen his money. He felt an uneasy feeling settle deep into his stomach as he realized that he had no idea how Blaine would react to that, if he was psychotic enough to leave someone he didn't like to die a horrible death. What would he do to Santana to keep her quiet, if he felt threatened?

Stop that, Kurt. He wouldn't be stupid enough to do something to her with Rachel around, and besides, have you MET Santana? Nobody messes with Santana unless they happen to be in the mood to experience a lot of pain and suffering. She'll be fine.

What worried him more was the realization that he would eventually have to go back to the loft, even just to get his stuff, and the very thought of facing Blaine made him physically ill. He didn't think he had it in him to set eyes on Blaine without punching him. Hard. In the dick.

But that day was not today, so he tried to keep his mind off of it. He went around the apartment, neatening things up and making the bed up with fresh sheets, noting that he and Carson would probably need to visit the laundromat again soon, with the way they were going through sheets. He took his laptop into the living room when he was done, settling himself on the couch to wait for Carson to come back. He had some research to do, he decided, if he was really going to be there for Carson and help him through his problems. He certainly didn't want to accidentally screw things up even further.

"I want to do everything right," he said out loud to Kurtsie Kitty, who looked at him warily before jumping up on a chair, knocking aside the pillows that Kurt had just arranged neatly.

"I just fixed those pillows, kitty," he said. Kurtsie Kitty looked him in the eye and reached out a paw, knocking one of the pillows to the floor.

"Jerk cat," muttered Kurt, ignoring him and returning his focus to his laptop. By the time he heard the door opening later that afternoon, he'd learned quite a bit about anxiety and depression. More than he ever thought he'd want to know, really, and a lot of what he read made him just want to wrap Carson up in his arms and never let him go.

"I'm home," Carson announced as he let himself in and shut the door behind him.

"Hey, baby," Kurt said brightly, wiping away a tear that had formed in the corner of his eye as he shut his laptop and stood up and hurried to greet him. "How did your day go?"

"It felt long," Carson said, sounding tired as he reached down to pet Kurtsie Kitty, who had jumped up as soon as he heard the door open and was attempting to climb up Carson's leg. "Hey, little guy," he said softly, scratching behind one of the cat's ears before he slumped into a chair at the kitchen table. "Summer classes are exhausting, but I need them if I'm going to finish four years of college in three."

"Aaaw, my poor baby," cooed Kurt, standing behind him and rubbing his shoulders. "Such a serious student. I'm proud of you."

"Really?" asked Carson, leaning his head back to look at Kurt.

"Really," replied Kurt, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Carson's forehead. "Now," he said, walking around and placing one leg on either side of Carson's lap, straddling him with his hands around his neck as Carson's hands automatically went around his waist to keep him steady. "I'm going to make you eat again, so you choose something. We can do takeout."

"I'm not really hungry," Carson protested.

"Well, there should be food, just in case. How about pizza?" asked Kurt.

"Extra pepperoni?" asked Carson hopefully.

"As much pepperoni as you can stand," said Kurt with a grin, reaching into his pocket for his phone and quickly looking up the number of the closest pizza place.

"Can I take your order?" a bored sounding guy on the other end asked after the third ring.

"Yeah, I'd like a large pepperoni pizza, please," said Kurt into the phone. "Extra pepperoni, if that's... if that's okaaaaay," he continued, his voice raising in pitch as Carson's lips planted themselves on his neck and began to suck. He was barely able to finish ordering in a normal voice as Carson went to town on his skin, sucking and licking and making every nerve in Kurt's body start to tingle.

"That was mean," he admonished him when he hung up, shoving his phone back in his pocket and crashing their lips together in a rough kiss.

"Mmmph... sorry, baby," replied Carson, his voice muffled against Kurt's lips as his hands rubbed up and down his back. "Couldn't help it. You looked delicious."

"I'm not food," said Kurt.

"You're better than food," said Carson. "And I like your pepperoni better."

Kurt snorted. "You're gross." He kissed Carson again, deepening the kiss further and moaning into it as he felt Carson's hands settle on the swell of his ass and squeeze.

"I know," said Carson. "But for some reason, you still love me."

"Sure do," replied Kurt, kissing him passionately and burying his fingers in his hair. He started rotating his hips in Carson's lap, grinding against him and feeling himself begin to stiffen in his borrowed jeans. And from the hardness he could feel starting to swell underneath him, Carson wasn't exactly soft, either.

"Think we'll come before the pizza?" he asked, moving his lips over to Carson's ear and catching the lobe between his teeth. He felt Carson shiver beneath him and his grip on Kurt's ass tighten.

"Honestly, if you keep doing that with your hips, I know I'll definitely come before the pizza," he replied, kissing at Kurt's collarbone right above where his skin met his T-shirt. He thrust his hips up to meet Kurt's, and Kurt cried out, grinding down on him and rotating his hips in a circular motion. He vaguely caught a glimpse of Kurtsie Kitty out of the corner of his eye, staring at them curiously.

Whatever, let him look, he thought, catching Carson's lips with his own and pressing his tongue against them. Carson granted him access immediately, and Kurt moaned as their tongues slid together, the feeling so intoxicating that it made him shudder. He wrapped his arms around Carson's neck and held on as he started desperately rutting against him, each of them meeting the other's rhythm in perfect harmony, and it wasn't long at all before Kurt felt the familiar heat coiling deep in his belly.

"Mmm... Kurtsie," Carson murmured against his lips, and that did it for Kurt. He buried his face in Carson's neck and came in his pants, grinding on Carson all the way through it, and he felt his twin stiffen beneath him and follow him, a soft "Kurtsie" whispered into the air as Carson came.

They sat there for a minute, breathing hard and looking at each other. Carson's cheeks were pink and his eyes were wide and blown, and Kurt was sure his probably looked the same way. He's so beautiful like this, when he comes. Makes me want to make him come over and over again just to see him look this way, always.

A knock on the door snapped them out of their reverie, and they both snorted as they realized the situation they were in.

"Which one of us is answering the door?" asked Carson.

"I don't know," answered Kurt honestly, biting his lip to keep himself from laughing.

"Me either," said Carson.

The knock came again, accompanied by a "Hello? Pizza!" and Kurt quickly hopped off of Carson's lap, removing his hoodie and holding it casually over the front of his pants.

"Coming!" he shouted, and Carson grinned. "Shut up," he whispered with a giggle, running to answer the door. He quickly paid the delivery guy and collected the pizza, setting it on the kitchen table and looking at Carson with a set of raised eyebrows.

"Ok, first we change and then we eat," he said. "I set aside some candles and a blanket while I was neatening up the apartment earlier. We can have a romantic little picnic with our pizza."

"Sounds good to me," said Carson. "As long as dessert involves more of this," he added, wrapping his hands around Kurt's waist and kissing him softly.

"Promise," said Kurt, smiling against his lips and kissing him back.

Carson didn't even know what triggered it, at first. All he knew was that he'd woken up in a cold sweat, tangled up naked in Kurt's arms, and that his heart was beating five hundred miles a minute as he struggled to breathe. He glanced out the window, confused because he didn't see any rain, and then he remembered. He had been dreaming about that night. The night of the lightning strike. He bit his lip to keep from crying and waking up Kurt, trying to calm himself down. He didn't want Kurt seeing another panic attack so soon, not after they'd had such a perfect evening.

Too late. "Carson?" he heard Kurt whisper, and Carson tried to answer him, but he just couldn't concentrate enough to form words. "Carson? Oh god, baby, are you ok?" Kurt asked worriedly, turning on the bedside lamp and sitting up in bed to look at him. Carson shook his head miserably, embarrassed to be seen like this again by the one person he didn't want to see it.

"Oh, honey," Kurt said softly, wrapping Carson up in his arms and holding him tight as Carson held on for dear life. "Your heart is beating so fast..."

"Kurt, I'm scared," he said in a broken voice. "I'm so scared."

"Shhhh, baby. I know. I know it's scary," Kurt soothed, rubbing the skin of Carson's back gently in soft circles. "You just take deep breaths, sweetheart, ok? Deep breaths. I'm right here, and I've got you. Nothing can hurt you, ok? You're safe."

Carson took a shaky breath. "I know."

"Good," said Kurt. "I know it's scary, but it will pass. Just hold onto me. Hold on as tight as you need to. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Carson nodded, resting his head against Kurt's chest and holding onto him tightly, feeling as though he had to or else he might drown in his own fear. He felt soft fingers stroking through his hair, and he let out a shaky sigh as he heard Kurt humming under his breath, a song that Carson didn't quite recognize. That didn't matter. Just the sound of Kurt's voice, the comforting, familiar presence so close to him, was already starting to calm him down.

"Kurt, I... I need my pills..." he said. Kurt nodded, easing up out of bed and holding his hands out to Carson.

"Take my hands, honey," he said calmly, and Carson obeyed, letting Kurt lead him gently into the bathroom. He watched his twin open the bathroom cupboard and take out the bottle of anti-anxiety pills, shaking one out and pressing it into Carson's palm.

"Here, sweetie. Take it," he said. Carson popped the pill into his mouth and swallowed, accepting the small paper cup of water Kurt handed to him afterwards. He took several deep breaths and felt relief wash over him as his heartbeat started to slow.

"Starting to feel better, Carsey?" Kurt asked, his eyes very clearly clouded over with worry despite his calm tone, now that Carson could see them in the light. Carson attempted a smile and nodded.

"Much," he replied, letting Kurt wrap him up in a hug. "I... I'm really glad you're here, Kurt. Even if I fucking hate having you see me like this, I just... I'm grateful that I don't have to go through this by myself anymore. You have no idea... no idea how comforting it is just to have someone hold me and care..." He felt awkward, pouring out his feelings like this, but he really wanted Kurt to know. And he knew that if he didn't say it now, he might never.

"Oh, Carsey," Kurt said, rubbing his back as he held him. "My sweet boy... I know, honey. It can't have been easy all this time, dealing with this alone. I'm glad I can be here for you now. I won't ever leave you alone again. Understand?"

Carson nodded, kissing Kurt's shoulder before resting his head on it. "I love you so much."

"And I love you too, Carsey. Always and forever, just the way you are. Don't ever think that I don't. Ok?"

"Ok," Carson whispered, feeling the rhythm of their heartbeats pressed up against each other begin to match. Our hearts beating in unison, just like they were always meant to, he thought with a smile.

I love you, Kurtsie. And I'm sorry for everything. You're my angel.