"Can I stay here tonight?" asked Kurt, tears shining in his eyes as Sebastian took one look at him and knew instantly why he was so upset. He'd seen the comments on Kurt's wall, he knew exactly how embarrassed Kurt would be when he finally discovered them, and he could have killed Carson for uploading that stupid video. A small part of him had almost hoped that maybe Kurt would take it in stride, let everyone have their laugh and then act like it didn't bother him much, but deep down, he knew that wouldn't happen. And clearly, it hadn't.

"Of course you can, Kurt," Sebastian said, stepping aside and inviting him in. Kurt stepped inside and set his duffel bag down as Sebastian shut the door behind him. "What's up?" he asked, even though he was sure he already knew.

"Don't act like you haven't seen that stupid video," muttered Kurt angrily. "It's all over the internet. I'm a laughingstock. Everyone at school will be making fun of me until the end of time."

"Oh, I… I don't think that's necessarily true," Sebastian tried to reassure him. "I mean, yeah, it's bad, and Carson was a douche to put it online, but I'm sure it will blow over pretty quickly. You know how fast the internet gets bored of things."

Kurt sighed heavily as he made his way into the kitchen and took a seat at the table, Sebastian following close behind. "I guess you're right," he said miserably. "But it's still so fucking embarrassing. And you know, it isn't even just the video. It isn't much about the video at all, I guess, I just… I'm at the end of my rope with Carson, I swear to god. He has no respect for anyone but himself. And most of the time, not even himself. I put up with a lot of bullshit from him, and I'm sick of it. We had a huge fight about it, and I got angry and didn't know where else to go, and I sort of ended up here. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, I don't mind you being here," said Sebastian. "I don't blame you for losing your shit. If I'm being honest here, I don't know how you put up with half the shit Carson does."

"I put up with it because I love him, but sometimes I just…" Kurt trailed off, the tears that had been glistening in his eyes finally starting to fall. "I just don't know how much more I can take. I love him, but I can't handle him."

The sight of Kurt crying across from him was like a knife in Sebastian's gut. He absolutely hated seeing Kurt so upset and being powerless to make it better for him. Fucking Carson. There are people who would give everything they have to be so loved by Kurt, and he just throws it away constantly like it means nothing.

Not knowing what else to do, he got up and moved to Kurt's side of the table, leaning down and giving him an awkward hug. He felt Kurt melt into it instantly, his shoulders heaving with sobs as he let out his frustration, and Sebastian stroked his back gently, hoping that he could feel, even if just a little bit, how much he cared about him.

"I'm just so tired of it," Kurt cried, his voice muffled by Sebastian's shoulder. "Sometimes I wonder if he even loves me at all."

Sebastian felt like crying himself at those words, but he managed to keep himself together as he parted slightly from the hug and gently started wiping Kurt's tears away with his thumb. "Heeey, come on," he said soothingly. "Let's not go that far, hmm? Carson's an ass, but I honestly don't think he doesn't love you. You know, in his own way."

"Would it kill him to show it once in a while?" mumbled Kurt with a sniff.

Sebastian gave him a sympathetic look, wishing with all his heart that there was something more he could do for Kurt other than just hug him. He wanted to take every bit of his pain away, but he knew that wasn't going to be possible. The only person capable of taking Kurt's pain away was sitting in an entirely separate apartment, probably not giving a moment's thought to the ramifications of how he treated his brother.

Goddammit, Carson.

"You can stay here, for a while" he assured Kurt as the other boy took shaking breaths, trying to get his crying under control. "I've got a ton of bedrooms I'm not using, you'll have your pick. We'll try to have fun, yeah?"

Kurt gave him a watery smile and nodded. "Thank you."

"Anything for you," Sebastian declared, giving him a loving pat on his hand and a kiss on the forehead. "Anything."

Wait, if he's going to be staying a while, that means he'll be, like… living here. And seeing how I live. Oh god, what if I have some really annoying habit that I don't even know about, but that's completely disgusting and irritating and Kurt hates it but he doesn't say anything to be polite and he just starts resenting me, and…

Ok, wow. Calm the fuck down there, Sebastian.

But just in case, maybe I should start getting up before he does to take a shower and shave and make my hair nice. Then pretend to wake up at the same time as him, so he doesn't think I wake up looking like Swamp Thing.

God, I've gone off the deep end.

"Let's go get you a bedroom, shall we?" he asked, trying to sound bright in spite of the circumstances.

"Ok, so, since our project has to have, like, a report and a physical product, I was thinking that you could do the writing shit and I could do the presentation bit."

I don't know what Kurt's problem is. It was just a video. Does he think he's the only one who's ever been caught drunk on camera?

"Because, like, you're really awesome at writing, and I'm ass at it, but I'm really good at making pretty presentations."

I mean, fuck, people upload videos like that all the time. It's funny. Drunk people are funny. It's not like he was doing anything THAT embarrassing.

"And I can tell you right now that those two other guys in our group are fucking useless wankers who won't do shit, so since most of the work will fall on us, we should just make all the decisions now…"

It's sure as fuck not a reason to storm out of the flat and refuse to talk to me for days. Come the fuck on. He's such a drama queen. It's not like I made the video to be a dick. Well, I mean, yeah, I SORT of meant to be a dick, but not anymore than my usual. He's my brother, every dickish thing I do, I do out of love. He knows this.

"Hello? Carson?"

I mean, RIGHT? He knows I didn't mean anything nasty by it, I wasn't trying to hurt him, just embarrass him for a day.

"Carson, are you even listening to me?" asked Hayley, her voice laced with exasperation as Carson finally snapped out of his thoughts and looked at her blankly from where he sat, cross legged with his head in his hands, on top of the sickeningly pastel pink comforter on her dorm bed.

"Useless wankers, I write, you present. I got it," he recapped for her irritably.

"Jesus, are you always so crabby?" she asked.

"Yes," muttered Carson. "I've been a bitch since the day I popped out of the womb. You'll get used to it."

Hayley fixed him with a wide, toothy smile from where she sat straddling her desk chair. "It's endearing, actually. You're like a hard walnut that refuses to be cracked. Well, don't worry, because if there's one thing I love, it's a challenge."

"Wow, you're not at all creepy and weird," said Carson. "And by not, I mean you are."

"I know, I'm trying to work on that," said the girl with a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry. Let's try that again. How come you're so adorably bitchy?"

"No offense, Hayley, but I'm not sure you could handle that story," replied Carson dryly.

"Come on, how bad can it be?"

"Pretty bad," said Carson casually, looking up at the ceiling dramatically. Jesus fucking Christ, she has those glow in the dark stars up there. What is she, twelve? "I was abducted by aliens recently. There was a lot of anal probing. I can get Channel 4 now through my nipples."

Hayley rolled her eyes. "Come on, Carson. I'm trying to be your friend here." Yeah, my friend who also is so obviously thirsty for my dick she might as well be wearing a neon sign. Not that I can blame her, really. My dick is super neat.

"We have work to do," he reminded her as gently as possible, considering how annoyed he was getting with her by the moment.

"Oh come ooooon," she pleaded with a pout. "I'm actually a really good listener, I promise. What's going on? A bad grade? Parent issues? You got a dick professor?"

Carson sighed. "I'm just… I'm sort of going through a… a breakup…. Can we just get back to the project?" he asked, instantly regretting saying even that much to her as soon as he saw her eyes light up with the recognition of an opportunity.

"Oh, you poor baaaaabyyyy," she crooned, getting up from the chair and plopping next to him on the bed, which ever so slightly scared the crap out of him. "Say no more, I know exactly how traumatic a breakup can be. I've been broken up with lots of times."

"I'm shocked," said Carson dryly. "You seem so normal and wonderful and not at all like something out of a Kubrick movie."

"I know, right?" Hayley exclaimed, blowing a chunk of hair out of her face and fixing Carson with wide, brown eyes. "I'm a delight. So, take it from me, whoever broke up with you is a complete moron."

Carson almost excused himself right there and then, planning to just leave and do the entire project himself rather than be stuck in such close quarters with her for one more minute, but then he remembered that all he had waiting for him back at his own flat was deafening silence and a phone that most likely wouldn't be ringing with Kurt on the other end wanting to talk things out.

Might as well have some fun messing with her a little.

"I just…. I thought he loved me," Carson said dramatically, adding a shaky sigh and a fake sniff for added effect. "We were going to get married and move to a little house right on the ocean, and adopt three babies and grow old together. "

"Oh, honey," said Hayley sympathetically.

"I mean, I'd already picked out the wallpaper for all the rooms in our future house, plus the upholstery for the furniture," Carson continued, trying to sound as depressed as possible. "We were going to get a cat! A CAT, for fuck's sake! You know it's serious when you bring a cat into it."

"Oh no," murmured Hayley.

"And then I find out he has a wife and a kid," said Carson darkly. "And he wasn't planning to tell me, I had to find out on my own."

"What?" Hayley gasped in horror.

"Yeah," sighed Carson. "I mean, come on, you would think that once, in all the letters I wrote him, he would have had the common decency to at least mention them. But noooo, it was always "Thank you for being my biggest fan, Carson, so glad you enjoy the show, here's an autographed photo, xoxoxo."

Hayley cocked her head and looked at him critically. "Wait, wh-"

"I thought our love was REAL," finished Carson with a dramatic sob as he buried his head in Hayley's shoulder.

"Um… ok… Carson? Carson, I think this guy was, um… like… I don't think he knew your… feelings," she said gently, patting him awkwardly on the shoulder.

"Oh, he knew," said Carson seriously. "He knew and he didn't care."

"Yeaaah…. Um… ok, you know what?" said Hayley, lifting Carson's head off her shoulder with one hand under his chin. "You know what would make you feel better and get over this guy?"

"What?" asked Carson with an exaggerated pout. "Is it candy?"

"N-no….no, I'm talking about dating someone else," said Hayley, shaking her head. "Someone accessible. And, I mean, I don't like to brag or anything, but I'm actually a really great catch. I'd totally date you."

"Yeah, only problem with that is that I don't do girls anymore," replied Carson, dropping the dramatic act and reverting back to himself. "Not unless you have a little surprise hidden under that skirt."

Hayley giggled and tossed her hair back. "You're so funny."

"Weird, I'm trying to be serious."

"You aren't into girls at all?" Hayley pressed. "You sure about that? I've seen you checking out girls' boobs before."

"Well, yeah, I mean, tits are nice and all, but…"

"You wanna feel mine?" she asked, not waiting for an answer before taking one of his hands and placing it directly on top of her clothed breast. "Feels nice, right?"

"Well, it sure feels like a boob," Carson muttered, though he admittedly couldn't resist giving it a little squeeze. It felt different from Santana's, which were his only other point of reference. It felt softer and more squishy. Probably because these ones weren't fake. He felt his dick give an interested twitch inside his pants and mentally yelled at it to shut the fuck up.

No. Bad dick. Bad. This chick is a complete whackadoo, even if she does have nice squishy tits.

His dick didn't listen, unfortunately, being a dick with a mind of its own, and the growing bulge in his pants quickly attracted the attention of Hayley, who smiled coyly at him as she snaked one hand down his chest and over the bulge, giving it a little squeeze.

"I can help you out with that," she said, rubbing her palm over it as Carson inwardly sighed and weighed his options. Well, it'd be a good distraction from all this Kurt shit, anyway.

But definitely no penetration. That's the line.

Ok, great. Free blowjob.

"Yeah, whatever. Go ahead and suck it if you want," he said with a shrug.

"R-really?" she asked, blinking at him curiously.

"Yeah. Let's see what skills you're working with," he replied, unzipping his jeans and pulling them down as he settled himself with his legs hanging over the edge of the bed, his arms folded underneath his head as he waited expectantly. Hayley's eyes widened at the sight of his erection, and she gingerly stuck one finger out and gave it an experimental poke.

"I… I don't think that's going to fit in my mouth," she said as she took in the size and girth of it, inspecting it from all angles as though she were working quality control in a factory. "Not all of it, anyway."

Carson snorted. "Trust me, I know. Do what you can."

Hayley nodded and positioned herself comfortably beside him, carefully taking his dick in her hand and stroking it to full hardness before leaning down and sucking the tip into her mouth. Carson closed his eyes and let her get to work. He tried to imagine it was Kurt sucking him off, even though this felt approximately nothing like one of Kurt's blowjobs. He got the distinct impression that Hayley hadn't given very many in her life, but oh well. This was a one-time thing, and not everyone could be great at it, he guessed.

"Ow, what the fuck?" he exclaimed suddenly when he felt her take his balls in one hand and start jostling them around. "You're sucking a cock, not playing Yahtzee."

"I read in a magazine that men find that hot," she protested, taking her mouth off of him for a second to frown up at him.

"Yeah, let me give you some advice and tell you to not believe everything you read in girl magazines," declared Carson. "Especially when it comes to anything dick related."

Hayley shrugged and continued blowing him, and did a decent enough job that soon Carson could feel his balls begin to tighten up as an orgasm approached.

"Mmm… ok, fuck, I'm gonna come," he announced, expecting her to stop and let him finish himself off, but nope. She kept right on sucking, swallowing around him as he bucked his hips up and came right into her mouth with a groan.

"Uuungh… wow," he said, impressed, as she finally popped off of him and wiped her mouth with the tip of her finger.

"Told you I could take care of that," Hayley said proudly. "Wait till you see what I can do with things other than my mouth," she added, moving to straddle him as he rolled away just in time.

"Oh, yeah, no, we're not doing that," he told her, standing up and tucking himself back into his jeans.

"Wait, what?" asked Hayley, confused. "Aren't we going to….."

"Nope," said Carson firmly. "Actually, I should probably get going." He suddenly felt extremely awkward standing there in the middle of her dorm room while she still had a drop of his jizz adorning the side of her mouth.

"But I just blew you," she protested, annoyed.

"I know. I was there. Thanks for that."

"And you're not going to reciprocate at all?"

"Nope," Carson repeated.

"But you said…"

"Honey, don't put words in my mouth, I said you could suck my dick," Carson informed her. "Not that I would fuck you."

"You're a jerk," muttered Hayley, crossing her arms angrily.

"So I've been told," replied Carson. "Look, don't take it personally, ok? I don't fuck girls. They have girl bits that can get pregnant and shit. And from the creepy way you're always staring at me, quite honestly, I wouldn't be shocked if that was your goal. I'm not saying it is, I'm just saying I wouldn't be shocked."

"I'm on birth control, you troll," she protested. "And I have condoms."

"Oh, honey, I've heard those before," said Carson with a laugh. "Seriously, you really shouldn't be so pissed off. I just gave you what a lot of people would pay for, you know."

"Are you for real?"

"Look, bottom line is, it's not you, it's your junk. If you were a dude, we could totally have worked something out, ok? Thanks for the blowjob!" he said cheerfully as he hurried out of the room as fast as he could. Probably would be best if I did my bit of the project myself, now. Pretty sure if I ever come in here again she'll be prepared with ropes and a ball gag.

He jumped in his car and made his way home, letting himself into the dark, empty apartment and leaning solemnly against the door. It was always nighttime when it hit him the most how much he missed Kurt. Somehow, without realizing it, he'd become accustomed to walking in the door and being greeted by an ever-cheerful and smiling Kurt, who was always ready to kiss him and give him a little hug and ask him how his day was, even if Carson had nothing of note to report. Kurt always added a bit of bright sunshine to his day, regardless of how cloudy it may have otherwise been.

And now there was no Kurt, and all over a stupid video that Carson was beginning to regret ever uploading in the first damn place.

I really didn't mean for it to hurt you, Kurtsie, he thought to himself later that night as he tossed and turned in the large, empty bed that felt too big for him now that he was alone. I honestly didn't think you'd get so pissed. Can't you just forgive and forget?

Always it was the lonely nighttime that made him want to call and apologize, but unfortunately, it seemed his pride was a lot bigger than his conscience. No matter how fervently he wished it were the other way around.

Come on, Kurt. Please forgive me? he thought with a sad sigh as he tried unsuccessfully to lull himself to sleep, eventually hugging a pillow to his chest in a last ditch attempt to at least simulate the feeling of having someone else in the bed with him.

It didn't really work, but it was close enough to send him into a fitful, restless sleep.

The next week and a half was one of the longest of Kurt's entire life, which was certainly saying something. Carson's video had, indeed, made its rounds through the entire university, and if Kurt had to endure one more assclown mockingly whining "You never cuddle me after sex!" at him on campus, he wasn't entirely sure if he could hold himself back from murdering someone. He knew it would blow over eventually, but it would have been the understatement of the fucking century to say he was still pissed at Carson for uploading it in the first place. He was furious.

And his anger was only compounded by the fact that, true to Carson's usual form, his twin still had yet to so much as text an "I'm sorry." Kurt hadn't heard from him at all ever since he'd stormed out of the apartment after the party. He'd considered contacting Carson himself on several occasions, but had always stopped himself short. Why should he be the one to reach out? Seriously, why? Carson was the one who had acted like an asshole. Let him be the first one to initiate a conversation for once. Kurt was tired of always being the one to bear the heavy load in the relationship.

You're the one who fucked up, Carson Phillips, so you can be the one to fix it.

If there was one thing Kurt was eternally grateful for, it was the fact that he had Sebastian Smythe as a friend. He really had no idea how he would have made it through the past week and a half without him. Between opening his home to him and doing his best to cheer him up and distract him from all the bullshit going on at school, he'd really been a rock for Kurt. It was kind of odd, when Kurt thought about it, how very far they had come. If anyone had told Kurt a year prior that he would be legitimately referring to Sebastian as his rock, for Christ's sake, he would have thought they were dumb. And yet, here they were.

"So, what should we do tonight?" asked Sebastian early one evening as they sat across from each other at the kitchen table, a bowl of popcorn between them. Kurt was finishing up his last bit of homework while Sebastian scrolled through Tumblr on his laptop.

Kurt shrugged. "I don't know."

He was in a depressed mood, because yet again he had come close to texting Carson and asking if they could talk, and yet again he had stopped himself short. He really wanted to stand his ground, but it was getting increasingly difficult. He didn't know it was possible to be so pissed at someone and yet miss them so much at the same time.

Sebastian, as always, seemed to sense that something was bothering him. "I don't mean to be nosy or anything, but have you heard anything from him yet?" he asked quietly.

Kurt shook his head. "No," he said with a dejected sigh. "I mean, I don't really expect to, because he's as stubborn as a mule, but still. I mean, he's the one who was a jackass to me, he should be the one to talk first. Right? You agree with me, right?"

Sebastian nodded. "I do, I definitely do," he assured him. "It was a shitty thing he did, he should apologize."

Kurt sighed. "He won't. I know he won't. I love him, I do, I love him with all my heart, but he can be just so….. uuuuuuugh. You know."

"Trust me, I know," mumbled Sebastian.

"He's a jerk," muttered Kurt. "And I'm starting to run out of clothes, so he needs to get his shit together soon, or else I'm going to have to do laundry and repeat outfits, and it isn't going to be pretty."

Sebastian snorted. "You're cute."

"It's not funny, Seb, I hate repeating outfits within the same month," Kurt protested.

"Why don't you just go back to the flat and pick up more clothes?" Sebastian pointed out. "You don't even have to see Carson if you go when you know he'll be at school or whatever. And you know you're welcome to stay here as long as you want. Seriously, I love… having you around," he finished, his cheeks turning slightly red as he trained his eyes on the computer in front of him.

Kurt smiled at him. "I know. I'm super adorable."

"Well, I'm not going to argue or anything."

Kurt shut his notebook and leaned back in his chair thoughtfully. "I guess I could go get more of my stuff tomorrow. I'm pretty sure he has class in the afternoons, I can just pop by on my way home from school. He wouldn't even know I'm there."

"There you go," Sebastian said encouragingly. "Don't back down. Let him come to you."

"Yeah," Kurt said, letting out a huge breath. "Ok, I need a distraction now. Let's do something."

"Wanna go out?" asked Sebastian.

"Nah. I don't feel like it," said Kurt.

"Watch a movie?"

"Eeeeeh."

"Play a game?"

"Nah."

"Read Twilight out loud to each other in the dark and make shadow puppets to illustrate the action?"

Kurt snorted. "You're a dork."

"Well, I'm completely out of ideas," said Sebastian with exaggerated exasperation. "You think of something."

Kurt thought for a moment. "How about karaoke?" he suggested excitedly.

"It doesn't have to be Lady Gaga again, does it?" asked Sebastian warily.

"Grease," suggested Kurt, undaunted. "I get to sing Sandy's parts."

"Why do you always get to be Sandy?" asked Sebastian as they headed into the living room and he started setting up the karaoke machine.

"Because let's face it, honey, between the two of us, I'm totally the one who could rock those tight black pants the best," Kurt declared haughtily as he handed the other boy the Grease karaoke CD.

"Are you suggesting that my ass isn't fantastic?" gasped Sebastian in a mock offended tone. "I'll have you know that this ass has had a lot of work put into it. It doesn't just happen. Not all of us are blessed with a tight, firm ass by Mother Nature like you were. Lots of working out was involved."

"And it shows, honey," Kurt assured him, his cheeks flushing as he caught himself staring at Sebastian's ass while the other boy finished setting the machine up. "You have a great ass. But I still get to be Sandy."

Sebastian turned the machine on and rolled his eyes as he handed Kurt a microphone. "Whatever you say."

"You're learning," said Kurt cheerfully as he accepted the mic. Sebastian pressed a button on the remote and the opening notes of You're the One That I Want filled the room.

"Tell me about it….. stud," Kurt said seductively into the microphone, moving his body in time to the music as Sebastian got into it and did the same.

"I got chiiiiiiillls, they're multiplyyyyyiiiin'," Sebastian sang on cue, his voice owning the song as if he had been born to sing it. "And I'm loooooosin' controoooool. 'Cause the power you're supplyin'…. It's electrifyin'!" he sang with infectious enthusiasm, grinning as he leaned over to Kurt for the last line.

"You better shape up," Kurt took over, grinning right back at him as he danced to perfection along with the music. "'Cause I need a maaaaan, and my heart is set on youuuu," he sang as he pointed a finger in Sebastian's direction. Sebastian looked enamored as he complimented Kurt's movements with his own, the two of them in perfect synch with each other as they hit the chorus and sang with all the gusto they had in them.

God, we sound good together, Kurt thought to himself, his body heating up and his heart pumping faster as he brushed by Sebastian. He was so caught up in the song that he paid no attention to the changing look on the other boy's face as they finished the first chorus, his eyes fixed adoringly on Kurt.

"If you're filled with affection you're too shy to conveeeey," Kurt started the second verse, backing up against a nearby wall as Sebastian moved closer to him. "Meditaaaate in my direction, feel your waaaay."

He was jarred out of his happy music zone by the realization that Sebastian had missed his cue to sing the next line. He was just about to ask him what was wrong when he realized his entire field of vision was being taken up by the other boy, and then, to his utter shock, there were lips pressing softly into his own. Even though it took Kurt completely by surprise, he couldn't deny that it was also making his pulse run, and his heart was definitely thumping loud enough for him to hear it over the now vocal-less music filling the room as he dropped his microphone on the floor.

It felt good, and he didn't know how he felt about that.

It only lasted a few seconds, and then Sebastian was breaking from the kiss and looking at him with wide, frightened eyes, clearly as shocked by what he'd just done as Kurt was.

"Oh…. Oh my god…. Oh god, I'm… Kurt, I'm sorry," Sebastian stammered in a panicked voice, his face as red as a tomato as he brought his fingers up to his own lips, as if he couldn't believe what had happened. "I'm so… fuck, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't… that was….. Please, I didn't mean to, I just…"

Kurt would probably never know what came over him in the course of the next few seconds, or whether the fact that he was still reeling from the adrenaline rush of the kiss had anything to do with it, but the next thing he knew, he was surging forward and colliding his lips back with Sebastian's, effectively shutting him up in mid-sentence. There was definitely no mistaking the effect it had on him this time. Kurt could feel his stomach dropping to his knees as he gently kissed Sebastian, unhooking the other boy's fingers from his microphone and encouraging him to drop it as the karaoke music played on, forgotten, in the background.

"Kurt," Sebastian murmured, managing to pry himself away from the kiss for a second to give Kurt an astounded look.

"Shhh," Kurt replied, pressing their lips back together and leading them over to the couch. He fell back on it and pulled Sebastian on top of him, lazily sucking the other boy's bottom lip as he brought his hands up to caress Sebastian's face.

Oh, god, what am I doing? he silently panicked, even as he felt himself melting into the kiss more and more with every passing moment. What am I doing, I shouldn't be doing this. And this shouldn't be feeling so good, should it? Sebastian is my friend. My FRIEND, and that's it, why…

He lost his train of thought as he felt a tongue gently run along his bottom lip, and he threw all caution to the wind, letting himself be completely consumed by the feeling of lips and tongues and the warm, comforting weight of Sebastian on top of him. His breathing quickened, his heart felt ready to explode, and his whole body felt like it was on fire.

Oh, fuck, I have feelings for him, don't I?

Their kissing was growing more frantic and passionate, and Kurt was catching his own hands beginning to roam, even though Sebastian's, for the most part, were more cautious in their movements, almost as if Sebastian was afraid that if he touched the wrong thing, something horrible would happen. Kurt felt himself start to swell in his pants, and every corner of his brain screamed at him to stop before this went any further than it should and made him feel any guiltier.

"Mmmph… wait," he said, pulling away from the kiss as Sebastian looked down at him, his face wrecked, his hair disheveled, and his lips swollen and almost cherry-red.

"Are you… are you ok?" he asked, his breaths heaving and labored.

Kurt nodded. "I just… I…" He wasn't quite sure how to express himself. Or, really, what he wanted to express. He had absolutely no idea what his feelings were doing, and it was just too much, on top of everything else he'd been dealing with lately.

"Can…. Can we just… just lay here?" he asked quietly, biting his lip as the CD came to an end, the room around them suddenly silent.

Sebastian nodded and maneuvered himself around so that Kurt could cuddle up half on top of him, with his head resting on his chest. Neither of them said a word for the rest of the evening, just lay there on the couch with Sebastian softly stroking Kurt's hair and Kurt focusing on the soothing sound of Sebastian's heart beating through his chest.

Well, this is a fucking mess. Now what?

Is it possible to just forget this happened and start over tomorrow? It has to be, right? It was just one makeout session, it's not like… like it…

Fuck.

FUCK, he thought in frustration as he eventually drifted off to sleep, still lulled by the comforting sound of Sebastian's heart.

Ding ding ding ding diiiiing.

The piercing sound of Carson's alarm going off woke him with a start, his body jerking in the bed as he was pulled rudely from his previous, unconscious state. He reached his hand over to his night stand, fumbling lazily for the phone as his eyes protested against the task of opening all the way. He felt his fingers finally close around it and he brought it over to himself, poking the screen grumpily to turn off the persistent alarm.

"Fuck off," he grumbled as the high-pitched sound finally ended, leaving the room in silence except for the sound of early morning traffic rushing by outside. He was in a particularly bad mood this morning, and he couldn't really explain why. Not in specific terms, anyway. He'd had a restless night, tossing and turning for hours in the bed that, now that Kurt was no longer sleeping in it with him, felt almost constantly too large and much too cold and empty. He'd finally drifted off into a restless, fitful sleep after many hours, his dreams plagued by nondescript darkness that caused him unnerving anxiety deep in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know when he had developed such an intolerance for sleeping alone, but he was severely pissed off for allowing himself to get that way.

"Godammit, Carson, quit being such a jackass," he said out loud to himself, his voice sounding tired and depressed, even to him. "You've got no one in this world but yourself, so you need to get the fuck over it." He settled back against his pillows, in no mood to get up and get ready yet, and opened up the Facebook app on his phone. He knew it was a stupid idea, that it was almost emotionally suicidal, but it was like he couldn't physically stop himself from checking in on Kurt every once in a while, just to see how he was doing.

He instantly regretted that decision as soon as his newsfeed loaded and the first story at the top of the page smugly announced to him that "Kurt Hummel was tagged in Sebastian Smythe's photo."

"Oh, fucking joy," he grumbled, anger and depression mixing together inside of him as he took in the photo of Sebastian standing in front of what looked like a brick wall, his mouth open in a cheeky, smug grin full of horse teeth as Kurt stood beside him, his head resting on the crook of Sebastian's shoulder as he looked into the camera. The caption above the photo read "Gorgeous," followed by an insufferable heart emoji, and Carson wasn't sure whether that or the photo itself was the worst part. It seemed like Kurt being tagged in Sebastian's photos was happening increasingly more often lately, and quite frankly, it made Carson wish that the technology existed that would allow him to reach right through the computer screen and punch the grin right off Sebastian's excessively proud little meerkat face.

"Fuck you raw up the ass with a rusty chainsaw, you blithering motherfucking asshole," Carson muttered furiously as he hid the photo from his feed and glared when Facebook asked him if he wanted to see less from Sebastian or block him. Neither of which he ever clicked on, and he couldn't figure out why. He knew, logically, that the torture would be much less if he did, but he supposed that maybe torturing himself was his own subconscious way of punishing himself for allowing Kurt to take such a powerful, strong hold of his heart in the first place.

Or, maybe keeping himself in a perpetual angry state was his way of distracting himself from the fact that, as day after day passed by with no communication from Kurt and more and more social media evidence that he and Sebastian were getting entirely too close, it was becoming increasingly obvious that his twin had no intention of ever coming back. Carson knew that he dwelled on that too much, the pain might actually kill him.

"Ok, you know what? Enough is fucking enough," he declared out loud to the empty room in a fierce, determined voice. He scrolled through his apps, hesitating only a moment before opening the classified advertisement app he had promised himself he would stop using. The one that he hadn't used, in fact, in quite a long time, for Kurt's sake. But Kurt wasn't around, and Carson didn't see why he should try anymore to better himself if no one was in his life to benefit from it. Besides, he could use the money. And the company, even if it was just for a few hours. He really was getting extremely sick of the deafening silence surrounding him every night.

He posted his usual coded ad for "lawn services", complete with his phone number and a photo of his shirtless abs, and got up out of bed, feeling like a zombie as he went about his morning routine, ate his breakfast, and headed for school, arriving at his first class just as the professor was beginning to write the day's notes on the board. He quickly took his favorite seat in the back, squeezing past Hayley on his way as she gave him an annoyed glare, which she had been doing a lot ever since the incident in her dorm room. Carson thought that was sort of unfair. It wasn't like he hadn't warned her that he was both an asshole and not that into her.

"If it isn't Mr. Cum and Go," she muttered as he passed by her.

"Right, then," the instructor said, his voice booming out as he continued writing on the board with one hand while gesturing to the class with the other. "What I'm writing on here are the important concepts that I want to you pay particular attention to as you read Chapter 16, and please keep in mind that your exam at the end of the term will most likely contain most, if not all of these."

Carson whipped out his laptop, opening Word and hastily copying down the notes as he distracted himself with mental plans for how best to study for the exam. He was determined to end the term with excellent, if not perfect, grades, and it was never too soon to start creating a study plan.

Really, I would say that everyone should be like me, but then I would have nothing to hold over people and gloat about. Besides, it's satisfying as fuck being the person that's held up as an example of why every other plebian in this class are utter failures.

He finished his speedy copying and opened up a separate document, the catch-all outline of notes he had been compiling all term, and carefully started redoing the latest notes in more detail, making sure to label them neatly with the date and chapter number for easy reference later, if necessary. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he quickly retrieved it, hating himself for hoping, even for just a second, that it might be a text from Kurt.

It wasn't, of course. It was a text from a completely unknown number that read "Hey. Rplying 2 ur ad." Carson gazed down on it blankly for a second in hesitation, unsure if he really wanted to go through with this, since he'd been doing so well. The thought of spending another night in the flat alone with the empty silence crushing him from all sides made up his mind, and he opened the text and began typing.

Tell me about yourself, honey.

28/m, athletic build. In London.

That's not vague as fuck at all, Carson thought with an eye roll as he typed out a reply.

Sounds hot. So, you're looking for a party?

Wanna have fun wit u, yea.

Did you see my rate, honey? And you understand that I need it up front?

Yea, it's cool, I got it

Great. If I text you an address, can you meet up with me around 4 this afternoon?

Yes

Carson worked out the details of the job and quickly texted the guy his address before he could change his mind and placed his phone back in his pocket, swallowing hard as he tried not to think of this as a failure. It was just a temporary step back, that was all. Just something to distract him until he didn't miss Kurt so much.

The rest of the day went by agonizingly slowly as Carson wavered back and forth between looking forward to his job and dreading it. By the time he was on his way home, he honestly wasn't sure that he was really in the mood anymore, to be quite honest. Still, he reassured himself that it couldn't possibly last very long, and he would have some extra money once it was all done and the guy had left.

He let himself into the flat with thirty minutes to spare, setting his things down hastily on the kitchen table as he headed directly into the bathroom for a pre-job shower, wishing, for what seemed like the millionth time, that he had done something with the various things Kurt had left behind in his hurry to storm out. It made him feel odd to see one of Kurt's body washes casually sitting in the shower, as if it were silently judging him as it watched him clean himself up for a perfect stranger.

"Shut up, Kurt," he mumbled to the bottle as he poured a dollop of shampoo onto his hand and applied it to his hair. "You aren't here, you don't get to have a say in what I do. Or who."

He finished up and stepped out of the shower, toweling himself dry and quickly changing into an outfit of a tight, white T-shirt and a pair of equally tight grey boxer briefs that left almost no detail of his impressive bulge to the imagination, the better to give the customer what they were paying for.

Diiiing dooooong, chimed his doorbell, announcing the arrival of his visitor right on time. Carson took one last look at himself in the bedroom mirror before heading for the door. He opened it to reveal his client, who grinned at him in greeting as his eyes locked onto Carson's.

"Wow," he said with a low whistle, his eyes raking over Carson's body approvingly. "You're even more gorgeous than I expected."

"I know," Carson replied, ushering the guy inside and closing the door behind him. "So, um… so are you," he lied, trying his best to sound convincing, even though he had been out of practice for quite some time. The guy really wasn't all that great looking, much like most of the clients that had ever used him, but Carson never gave a fuck as long as they had deep pockets.

"Yeah, I work out," the guy said pompously, unsubtly flexing a muscle as Carson fought back the urge to roll his eyes.

"I can see that," said Carson seductively, reaching one hand out to squeeze the guy's upper arm. "So handsome. Did you bring money, doll?" he asked, cutting right to the point of this encounter.

"Right, yeah," the guy said, reaching into his pocket and retrieving a stack of bills, which Carson took from him and began to count carefully.

"Ok," he said as he thumbed through the notes in his hands, "Just to recap, we agreed on an hour, I'll bottom, no names, no mouth kissing, a condom is non-negotiable, and any activity beyond the first hour needs to be paid before proceeding. Do you have any questions?"

The guy chuckled, his eyes crinkling with merriment as he watched Carson count the money. "I think I got it, yeah."

"Great," said Carson as he finished counting, fixing a fake smile on his face as he looked up at his client. "Let me show you to the bedroom, then." He headed down the hall and into his bedroom, the guy following close behind. "Take off your shirt and get on the bed so we can warm you up, hmm?"

The guy obeyed, stripping his shirt off and flopping down on the bed with his legs dangling over the side as he looked at Carson expectantly. Carson considered him a moment before crossing over to him, dropping to his knees and running one hand teasingly against his denim-clad cock, which immediately twitched under the touch.

"Already such an excited boy," Carson crooned, rubbing his hand over the guy's crotch as he made eye contact with him and smiled coyly. "Mind if I get rid of these pants and see what you're working with?" The guy nodded eagerly, fumbling for his own belt before Carson could even reach for it and lifting his ass up in the air so that Carson could finish pulling them off.

"Mmm, look at that," Carson murmured playfully as he danced his fingers along the underwear-covered length of his client's rapidly hardening erection. "Feels like something I want to play with."

"Take off your shirt," the guy blurted out suddenly, and Carson gave him a demure smile in reply.

"Of course," he said, reaching for his own shirt and pulling it off quickly, tossing it aside and giving the guy a moment to stare at him hungrily before resuming his previous position. "Like what you see?"

"You're so fucking hot," the guy said in an awed voice. "Let me see your ass?"

Carson stood up and faced him, smiling down on him seductively as he teasingly took his time removing his boxers, which he kicked away from him when they finally reached his feet. He turned around and bent over slightly, giving his customer the best view possible, and the sharp breath he heard being sucked in told him his charms were working just as they should. He felt cold hands grab his ass and squeeze hard, the sudden pain of nails digging into his skin taking him slightly by surprise.

"God, perfect fucking ass," the guy said in a low, impressed voice as he lightly slapped a palm against the side of Carson's right cheek. "Can't wait to fuck it so hard."

"Eager, are we?" Carson said, inwardly rolling his eyes at how thirsty this guy was. Even though he was well aware that his ass was pretty damn irresistible.

"Mmm… hey, get on the bed," the guy said, slapping Carson's ass one last time. "On your stomach, ass in the air." Carson did as he was told, climbing up on the bed and positioning himself as comfortably as he could. The guy removed his own underwear and climbed up after him, positioning himself behind him, and Carson felt fingers circling his hole within seconds.

"You need lube for that, hon," he spoke up instantly, moving his ass away from the probing fingers.

"Not using my fingers," the guy protested, settling himself into a kneeling position behind Carson. "I'm gonna prepare you this way." He spread Carson's cheeks apart with his fingers and Carson suddenly felt something warm and wet probing at him instead.

Oh, wow. Ok. Whatever, he thought to himself apathetically as his client went to work on him with his tongue. It was quite obvious that this guy had slim to no experience in rimming, but Carson closed his eyes and did his best to get himself into the zone, attempting to focus on the sensations, unimpressive though they were, so that he could at least get himself hard. Now that he was in the middle of the job, he was realizing just how not in the mood he was to be doing this.

Pretend it's someone else, he told himself firmly. Someone who isn't just a customer. A hot celebrity. Sebastian's dad. K…kurt…

He instantly regretted that last option when Kurt's face suddenly came to the forefront of his mind, causing Carson to feel an odd sort of melancholy deep in the pit of his stomach at the thought of what his twin would say if he could see him right now. Probably he'd be disgusted. Not that he would be shocked. As far as he knows, I never stopped doing this.

After a while, the relentless tongue probing finally stopped, and Carson heard the sound of a condom wrapper being ripped open. The fuck? Already?

"The top drawer of the night stand has the lu….. oh," Carson breathed out suddenly as he felt the blunt head of the guy's cock pressing against his entrance. What the fuck, he's doing this without lube? Ugh, ok, ok, maybe the rimming will have been enough if he just takes it slow….

A firm hand pressed him down further against the mattress as a heavy weight settled on top of him and the guy started pushing himself inside of him, slowly but relentlessly. It was clear instantly that the rimming had not been enough preparation, and Carson bit his lip to keep from crying out in pain as a burning sensation began to wash over him. He let out a small noise of distress as the guy continued pushing in, which was apparently mistaken for a moan of pleasure as Carson suddenly felt him press the rest of his length into him in one, swift movement.

"Aaaah," Carson whined, taking deep breaths to try to help himself through the sharp pain.

"Good, isn't it?" the guy said obliviously as he slowly pulled out and pressed back in.

"Ow," Carson whimpered quietly, tears stinging his eyes as he tried to just bravely endure it. It'll pass, just focus on something nice. Like… I don't know… pizza. Yeah, ok. Pizza. You can get a pizza when this is over, and…..

Hands firmly grasped his ass and pulled him back onto the cock inside of him, and Carson couldn't hold back the distressed whines of pain anymore as the guy started fucking him in earnest, not exactly fast but still not slow enough for having barely prepared him.

"Uh…. Ah…. Ow, god…" Carson whimpered, his insides on fire as his client gradually increased his speed. "Aaaugh, fuck…"

The guy was clearly not paying a bit of attention to the tone of the sounds he was making, so lost was he in his own experience. He gave the side of Carson's ass a hard smack as he thrust in, and Carson shrieked into the pillow in front of him.

"Ah… fuck…. ow! Ow, oh god, ow, please…. Ow, god.... Fucking stop, oh god!" Carson screamed in anguish, panicking as the pain only intensified with every thrust and it didn't seem as if the guy on top of him was showing any signs of stopping. "It hurts, STOP!"

The next few seconds were an absolute blur for him. The heavy weight on top of him was suddenly gone, the relentless intrusion inside of him disappeared, and Carson painfully maneuvered himself around just in time to see Kurt pushing his client up against the wall and punching him square in the face.

"Kurt," Carson whimpered, feeling disoriented and momentarily helpless as he watched his twin kick the guy in the shin for good measure and stand there glaring as the guy crumpled to the floor in pain. Even from across the room, Carson could see the pure, unadulterated fury blazing in Kurt's blue eyes, his beautiful, porcelain face a mask of hatred at the moment.

"What the fuck!" Carson's client was yelling furiously as he clutched his assaulted leg.

"Let me make it simple for you," Kurt practically spat at him. "If you ever think of even looking at my brother again, let alone touching him for any reason, I will track you down and I will kill you, do you understand? I will kill you."

"Are you fucking insane?" shrieked the guy in disbelief.

"Do you want to find out, asshole?" Kurt replied, giving him one more kick with the toe of his boot as he raised his voice louder and angrier with every word he spoke. "Do you not understand that it's a person you're ramming your dick into, and not a fucking doll? Get the fuck out!"

"Look, guy, I don't know who you are or what the fuck you think you're doing, but I'm not going anywhere until I've gotten what I paid for," the guy retorted, and Carson's stomach turned as he pulled a blanket up to cover himself and watched Kurt's face for a reaction. Goddammit, why did you have to say that?

"Here," said Kurt, reaching into the messenger bag that Carson was just now noticing was draped over his shoulder and chest. He retrieved his wallet and pulled out a wad of cash, which he threw angrily at the guy on the ground. "Take the money and get the fuck out of my sight."

The two of them stared at each other for a moment, Kurt looking more murderous than Carson had ever seen him. "I need my clothes," the guy said at last, his voice full of obvious defeat as he reached for his jeans and shirt.

"Unless you can put them on in two seconds, I suggest you just take them and get the fuck out of this apartment before I start looking for sharp objects with which to cut off your balls," said Kurt in a dangerous voice. He raised his foot, as if to kick him again, and the guy instantly hurried out of the room with his clothes clutched against himself to cover his nakedness.

Carson heard the apartment door open and close and realized he was now alone with Kurt, who was looking at him from across the room with an odd expression on his face. All the intense anger was quickly leaving it, replaced with a look of deep concern mixed with something else. Sadness, maybe. Judgment? Disappointment? It was hard to tell, because Carson was also thinking about what Kurt had walked in on and realizing how exposed and humiliated he felt. Mostly humiliated.

"Are you ok?" Kurt asked, breaking the awkward silence. Carson thought that was kind of a stupid question, because he so obviously wasn't ok. Though his utter embarrassment was hurting him a lot more than the throbbing pain in his ass. That would fade, but he wasn't sure that his emotions would.

"That was dumb, Kurt," he snapped, his voice coming out sounding a lot angrier than he really intended. "He was a client. This isn't going to be good for business." He already thinks I'm a disgusting whore, might as well just keep letting him think it.

"Oh, forgive me," Kurt snapped back sarcastically. "I didn't realize that letting men treat you like a sex toy with no feelings was a standard part of your business model."

Carson looked down at his hands to avoid having to make eye contact with him. Of course he was grateful that Kurt had appeared when he did and defended him, that wasn't really the point. He was just so angry that Kurt had picked that moment, of all possible moments. He would much rather have let the guy finish and endure the pain than have Kurt see him like that. And when I'd been doing so fucking well with not doing sex work. Goddammit.

"What are you doing here, Kurt?" he asked in reply, his heart giving a little leap of hope as he spoke. It was beginning to occur to him that there had to have been a reason, besides beating the shit out of his client, why Kurt had suddenly shown up at the flat in the middle of the afternoon. A tiny part of Carson was hoping that maybe the reason had something to do with him wanting to make up and come back. Goddammit, Carson, don't get your fucking hopes up.

…..But please let him be coming back to me.

Kurt suddenly looked very uncomfortable, and Carson felt his tiny bit of hope quickly fade, leaving him completely even before his twin opened his mouth and gave him the answer he should have expected from the start.

"Actually, I, um…. I came to pick up some more of my things," Kurt said flatly, focusing his eyes to a spot on the wall slightly to the side of Carson and refusing to look him directly in the eye.

Carson suddenly felt even more like a fool, if such a thing was even possible. The fact that he'd even dared to hope that Kurt wanted to come back made him want to throw up in disgust at himself. He was so fucking angry he could barely form coherent thoughts. Of course he doesn't want to come back. Of course he's going straight back to Sebastian as soon as he picks up his shit. That guy could have just murdered me for all Kurt would have cared, if he didn't have a reason to be here today. He wouldn't even have noticed, I bet.

Hell, I almost wish he HAD murdered me.

"I see," Carson snapped bitterly. "Should have fucking seen that coming, I've gotta say."

"Carson-"

"No, you know what? I don't really want to hear any explanations," Carson interrupted him, reaching over the side of the bed for his discarded underwear and pulling them on, wincing a little with residual pain. "Really, it's fine. Gather your shit and get out."

Kurt bit his lip. "Carson, come on, don't-"

"Don't what, Kurt? Don't what? Don't point out that I saw this coming from a mile away?" Carson fired out as he stood up and began opening bureau drawers, yanking anything of Kurt's out forcefully and throwing it in his twin's general direction. "Don't point out that I predicted this from day fucking one?"

Kurt sighed shakily, looking as if he wanted to cry but was refusing to do so. "You're not being fair," he snapped back. "You're the one who hurt my feelings and didn't care. You haven't called or texted even once since I left. Hell, you haven't even tried to apologize for that video. How am I….. how am I supposed to want to continue living that way when you clearly don't even want to try to fix it?"

Carson let out a harsh, bitter laugh, all his anger and embarrassment and humiliation and disgust mixing inside of him to form a dangerous storm cloud of emotion that was going to explode spectacularly any second. He felt like he'd been wanting to say what he felt to Kurt forever, and now he couldn't stop it from all gushing out of him at once. "Oh, don't even try to give me that bullshit, Kurt. I know you better than you know yourself. Don't act like it was a coincidence that you just happened to run straight to Sebastian the second you saw a chance."

"It wasn't like that!" Kurt yelled in frustration, but his eyes skirted around uncomfortably, telling Carson clearly that he wasn't being entirely truthful.

'Wasn't it?" said Carson angrily, throwing a shirt at him as he spoke. It hit Kurt in the chest and then fell limply to the floor as his twin watched. "Here. This shit is yours, too. Pack it all, every last fucking bit of it, and then go running back to your precious Sebastian like you were always going to eventually. It was just a matter of time, wasn't it? You were just looking for an excuse, and now you fucking have one, don't you?

"No.."

"All that bullshit about loving me forever and being there for me was just some shit to say to hear yourself talk until something better came along," Carson added furiously. "Oh, Carson, just give me a chance to love you." "Oh, Carson, I love you so much." "Oh, Carson, why do you always bring up my past with Sebastian, it's not like that anymore, Carson." Bullshit, Kurt. It was all bullshit."

"That's not true!" Kurt protested, his eyes shining with unshed tears as he picked up the clothes that Carson had been throwing at him and tucked them inside his bag. "That's not fucking true at all!"

"And you know the worst part, Kurt?" Carson continued, as if he hadn't heard him. "The absolute worst part is that I actually let my guard down. I let myself believe for a hot second that you meant any of the crap you were dropping out of your mouth. That maybe you did love me after all, and that I should try to deserve you. But you didn't, did you? No. Well, don't worry, Kurt. I won't be making that mistake again," Carson spat as he threw a pair of jeans at him with all his might.

"Yeah, do what you always do, Carson, make it all about you!" yelled Kurt, the anger back in his voice as he yanked the jeans up off the floor and shoved them uncharacteristically harshly into his bag. "No one else gets to be angry but Carson Phillips, isn't that right? You just get to walk around perpetually angry at the world and act like a complete asshole, and no one should have a problem with that, yeah? No one should ever call you out on your shit?"

"Aaaaand here we go again," said Carson in exasperation. "Right back to square fucking one. I'm so done with this. I'm beyond done. Take your shit and get the fuck out of my flat. I want your key."

Kurt paused and looked at him in surprise. "W-what?"

"Your key," Carson repeated coldly, locking his eyes with his twin's. "I want it before you leave."

Kurt's bottom lip quivered, and Carson came extremely close to going back on his words right then and there, but he held his ground, climbing back onto his bed and reaching for his phone. He opened up Candy Crush and pretended to give a shit about playing it as Kurt sniffed and started gathering up his remaining belongings from the bedroom and bathroom. He finally finished after what felt like forever and stood in the middle of the bedroom, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he adjusted the bag's strap on his shoulder.

"You done?" asked Carson, not lifting his eyes from his phone.

"Yes," Kurt said after a moment of silence, his voice sounding tired and hoarse.

"Let's have the key, then."

Kurt sniffed and reached into his pocket, retrieving the key and placing it carefully on Carson's night stand. He didn't move from that spot for a moment, just stood there and stared as Carson felt himself grow hot under the scrutiny. He knew this was the moment of truth, and he was having a difficult time not letting himself cry. Why the fuck should I cry? This is exactly what's been meant to happen since the beginning. It's just the way things are, it's not something to fucking cry over.

"Carson," Kurt began in a shaky voice.

"No," Carson said firmly. He simultaneously wanted Kurt to fucking leave already and yet stay forever, and he wasn't sure which option made him more pissed off.

Kurt sniffed and looked up at the ceiling, as if he were trying to draw strength. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Carson's cheek, stroking the spot with his thumb.

"I do love you," he whispered through his tears. "You have no idea how much."

Carson very nearly lost his battle with his own tears as Kurt stood back up and made his way out of the bedroom, tears streaming down his cheeks. For a split second, Carson wanted to change his mind. He wanted to get up and run after Kurt and beg him not to go, but the sound of the flat door opening and closing made his heart skip several beats.

Wait. Wait, no, come back!

I wasn't ready.

He sat in bed for a moment waging a silent war with himself before he jumped up and raced to the door, yanking it open and turning his head to either side of the hallway. There was no sign of Kurt. Nothing but empty space and the crushing realization that he was completely alone. For good, this time. He made his way back to the bedroom and stood against a wall, staring at his bed and not wanting to ever be in it again. Not after everything that had happened that day.

He's gone.

I did that, I made him leave.

Oh, god, what have I fucking done?

He didn't notice the tears coming until they were already falling, drenching his face in his own sorrow as he found it increasingly hard to breathe. His chest heaved with sobs, and he suddenly didn't have the strength to even stand anymore as he slowly crumpled to the ground, one hand clutching his aching chest. He sobbed harder than he ever had, his entire body wracked with it as he let out every bit of heartbreak and anguish and misery that he'd kept locked inside for so long. He had no idea that crying could hurt so much, but he was in actual physical pain.

The lingering ghost of Kurt's kiss burned his cheek like fire.