Kurt knew as he walked away from Blaine's house that it would look like he was talking on the phone, but he planned it that way. He scrunched his shoulders up, fighting the bitter cold of the wind and sniffling as the cold made it harder to pretend he wasn't crying. He had his phone up to his ear, but he wasn't talking to anyone. Maybe if it looks like I don't care then it'll make it easier for him to move on. I don't want him in pain anymore. So, he held up the phone for Blaine's benefit and walked as quickly as he could for his own.

On Friday, Blaine's band had a concert that Kurt was supposed to go to, but Blaine told him not to bother. It was only a few days since their breakup, but Kurt couldn't sit still. He had to be doing something at all times. He missed Blaine. So, when Friday evening rolled around, Kurt decided to go to watch anyway. He dressed simply, nothing flashy that would make him stand out, and wore a hooded sweatshirt that he pulled up over a hat, in hopes that it would hide his face.

At the concert, he sat at the bar and angled himself so that he could both watch and be hidden. This first song they played was a fast paced ballad that Blaine sang. He knew it was a song Blaine wrote and it was so familiar that he knew it was written about he and Blaine's relationship.

The drums and keyboards started playing and Blaine grabbed his microphone, not playing his guitar, and pressing himself closer to it.

I better rest my eyes cause I'm growing weary of

This point you've been trying to make,

so instead of trying to imply

Why don't you just verbalize

All the things that you're trying to say.

Jeff and Matty came in on the guitars with a heavy electric sound. If it weren't for the tone of the song and Blaine singing, he would probably be jamming out to it.

Thought this would turn out so well

But I'm beginning to see that instead it's trouble

Into a pattern we fell, of prolonging the inevitable

Blaine backed off the microphone a bit and started strumming his guitar very quickly. He was keeping beat by throwing himself into the song and bobbing and swaying his body.

Why don't you come right out and say it

Even if the words are probably gonna hurt

I'd rather have the truth than something insincere

Why don't you come right out and say it

What it is you're thinking,

though I'm thinking it's not what I want to hear.

He stopped playing and grabbed the microphone again.

I better check my pride because I was starting to think

That I was onto something good

But things started to slide

And I sit here in retrospect

understanding that I misunderstood

Thought I could make up your mind

You had a decision locked up so tight

it couldn't be touched

You thought you were being so kind

By keeping your mouth sealed shut

rather than just opening up.

Why don't you come right out and say it

Even if the words are probably gonna hurt

I'd rather have the truth than something insincere

Why don't you come right out and say it

What it is you're thinking,

though I'm thinking it's not what I want to hear.

Now he had a major guitar solo and jammed out hard playing a fast string of notes, standing strong in place and making a face that could only read as Blaine concentrating on something he knew he was awesome at. A kind of cocky concentration. It was a persona that Blaine often took onstage because it was a presence that made sense for him and resonated with the crowds they had.

When he finished his solo, Blaine swung his guitar behind his back and grabbed the microphone off its stand. He started making his way around the stage and interacting with the audience.

And I've tried to catch what goes on in your head

Cause in your mind I just might find

All those things you left unsaid

And I've tried to make you not regret anything

But later on, after I'm gone,

You'll wish that you had listened to me

Had listened to me

Most of the instruments backed off now as Blaine stood back at the microphone stand. It sounded as if the it were just Blaine's voice. Blaine's amazing voice, sounding hurt and scrappy.

Why don't you come right out and say it

Even if the words are gonna hurt

We're better off this way

Why don't you come right out and say, come right out and say

What I know you're thinking anyway.

The music came back with Blaine jamming out on his guitar again and leaning into the microphone.

Why don't you come right out and say it

Even if the words are probably gonna hurt

I'd rather have the truth than something insincere

Why don't you come right out and say it

What it is you're thinking,

Just what is it you're thinking?

Why don't you?

What is it you're thinking

though I'm thinking it's not what I want to hear.

Kurt ordered a diet coke and watched as Blaine accepted the applause, but didn't look completely happy for it. Was it the song, or something else? Kurt wasn't sure, but either way, he was convinced that he had something or everything to do with it. He was beginning to think that going to the concert that night was a bad idea.

A few songs went by that were upbeat and fun, then another song came on and it was a slow ballad. It was another that Kurt knew it was about him.

Blaine took his guitar off and put it on a stand behind him. Jeff and Matty switched places. Jeff was there as an echo to Blaine's lyrics.

Let it all out, get it all out

Get out, remove it,

Don't be alarmed when the world begins to bleed

'cause we're so scared to find out

What this world's all about

So scared we're gonna lose it

And knowing all along

That's exactly what we need

And today I'll trust you with the confidence

Of a man who's never known defeat

But tomorrow upon hearing what I did

I will stare at you in disbelief

Oh inconsistent me

Crying out for consistency

And you said "I know that this will hurt,

But if I don't break your heart

Things will just get worse."

If the burden seems too much to bear

Remember:

The end will justify the pain it took to get us there.

And I'll let it be known

The times I have shown

Signs of all my weakness

But somewhere in me there is strength

And you promise me

That you believe

In time I will defeat this

Somewhere in me there is strength

And today I'll trust you with the confidence

Of a man who's never known defeat

And I'll try my best to just forget that

That man isn't me

And you said "I know that this will hurt,

But if I don't break your heart

Things will just get worse."

If the burden seems too much to bear

Remember:

The end will justify the pain it took to get us there.

You said "I know that this will hurt,

But if I don't break your heart

Things will just get worse."

When the burden seems too much to bear

Remember:

The end will justify the pain it took to get us there.

Kurt's heart broke. In the song, Kurt was able to see Blaine's attempt at optimism, but his underlying hurt was there as well. He was beginning to wish he never came.

He wanted so much for Blaine and knew that if Blaine were ever to be okay again, Kurt had to leave him alone. More than anything, he wanted Blaine in his life, but Kurt felt that that, at this point, he'd been selfish enough and it's time that maybe he thought of Blaine.

Kurt chanced one last look at Blaine, taking in how utterly handsome he was, finished his diet coke, and left.

Two weeks passed and Kurt kept his promise to himself to stay away from Blaine. He worked late most nights and spent more time by himself, which he hadn't done in a long time. The weekend came when Vin's friends, Brady and Sean, came to visit.

Brady and Sean turned out to be really fun guests. Brady was youthful and full of energy. He also struck Kurt as a bit of a spoiled brat, but not in a bad way. He was polite and sweet and just happened to know how to get what he wanted without making everyone else annoyed or mad. They'd agreed to go bar hopping on their last night in New York and Kurt thought it was odd that Brady knew that Kurt and Vin met at Jericho. Being a romantic, Brady begged to go to Jericho. He'd heard wonderful things about it. Vin didn't want to go there in case Blaine was there and Kurt didn't want to go there because he knew Blaine would be working. He almost always worked Saturday nights.

Kurt had a feeling this would be a disaster of an idea, but he wanted to be a good host, so he smiled and said "Sure! This is the best bar anyway. Well, it's the most fun."

Brady smiled and clapped happily. "Yay!" Vin and Kurt were surprised that Brady hadn't needed help walking yet because he had been drinking harder than everyone else. Sean remained at a calm pace, saying that he knows his boyfriend and he can't afford to lose him in New York City. Brady had been bought several drinks by several men at each bar they went to, flirted with a bartender and received a free round of shots for all four of them, and nearly got into a slap fight with a very drunk twink for not getting the hint that Sean was taken. Obviously this lithe man, had no idea Sean was with the likes of a prince bitch. Sean had to physically carry Brady out of the bar before a commotion was started.

To his own astonishment, Kurt was having more fun than he ever thought he would. It had been too long since he had, what he called, a queen's night out. That's where him and his gay friends would go bar hopping. Actually, it had been over a year and he was reminded of how much fun he missed out on. He laughed at Brady and his endless supply of energy and watched as countless men approached him. He often looked to Sean to gage how he reacted to seeing Brady with other men, but Sean would just look on with a smile and either join in on the dance floor or continue to watch while drinking.

Their relationship was so strange to Kurt. It seemed so perfect. They clearly loved each other, but they slept with other people when Sean was away. They had no secrets. They were completely comfortable and trusting. Kurt had to admit that he saw them and wanted what they had. Not the open sex partner part, or the vast age difference part, but their love and trust together.

At Jericho, Sean offered to buy the first found and Kurt made a B-line to the mezzanine. Vin followed Kurt while Brady went with Sean.

"You're not going to say hi to Blaine?" Vin asked.

"No. He's working." Kurt hadn't told Vin about Blaine.

Vin lead Kurt over to an open table with four chairs on the edge of the balcony. It really was a prime choice and they were surprised that it was vacant to begin with. They sat across from each other and Vin just sort of looked at Kurt sentimentally.

"What?" Kurt asked curiously.

"I was just thinking how great you are."

Kurt showed a smile. He was having a good time and he and Vin hadn't had one argument the whole weekend. In fact, Vin appeared to be more attentive and loving than normal. Kurt didn't know if it was because Vin was trying to show off his home away from home, boyfriend, or what, but either way, it was nice. "Oh yeah?" He leaned forward and put his chin in his hands.

"Yeah. You didn't have to do this."

"Do what?"

"Invite Brady and Sean over, take them out; any of that stuff." Kurt shrugged his shoulders to signify that it was no big deal. "I'm just really lucky to have you." He looked serious then. Like he said it because he really wanted Kurt to know it.

Kurt didn't say anything because Brady and Sean showed up with four shots and four purple drinks.

"Ever have a Grateful Dead, Kurt?" Sean asked.

"Is that what those are?" Kurt replied.

"I noticed you're not a beer drinker, I thought these would be good. Can't have too many of these, sweatheart. You'll get knocked right on your ass."

Kurt laughed and picked up a shot glass. "I'll keep that in mind."

Everyone else picked up a shot glass. Brady took over the conversation and made a toast. "To our wonderful hosts and especially to Kurt for letting us stay with him and giving us a fantastic weekend." They all clinked glasses and threw back the shots. It went down extremely warm. "Oh! And that bartender… hot!"

"Which one?" Vin asked.

"The one on the right end."

Kurt laughed again. "You should have tipped him a hundred dollars. He takes his clothes off."

Then, like a child asking for a pet, Brady turned to Sean. "Can we tip him? Please can we tip him?"

"Sure thing, Babe. Next round though." Brady bounced in happiness. He really was like a spoiled child, but a fun one.

"Good luck getting anything out of him, though," Vin added. "Didn't you say he was straight, Kurt?"

"Jackson? Yeah. Well, they all are actually. Except, Blaine."

"Really?" Brady pouted but started looking over to the bar. "Which one is he?"

"Um. On the other end."

"Black hair?"

"Yep."

"Oo! He looks like your type, Babe." Brady smiled over at his boyfriend and nudged Sean's leg with his foot. Kurt pretended not to hear the comment.

"Blaine is friends with Kurt," Vin added.

"Oh yeah?" Brady and Sean looked back at Blaine, who was busying himself with orders. "Wouldn't mind being friendly with him." Again, Kurt ignored the comment. "Sean, when your tour is done, can we move here? Everything is so exciting! I feel like I need to be here."

Sean pretended to think about it. "I think that could be a possibility."

This made Brady extremely happy and he downed his drink entirely too fast. "I wanna dance! Kurt, can I steal your man candy and spin him around?"

"By all means," Kurt laughed.

"Woo!" Brady howled as Vin chugged his drink. He grabbed Vin's hand and pulled him away.

Sean rolled his eyes and smiled at his boyfriend. He put his arm around the back of Kurt's chair and sipped his drink, watching where the two went. "What do you say, Kurt? Dance with me?"

Kurt laughed. "My pleasure." He did a half-assed salute and they finished off their drinks before going to the dance floor. Sean was a good dancer. He was sexy, yet he kept his hands in places so that it let Kurt know that he wasn't doing anything more than dancing. Kurt did that same. They danced for a few songs before going back up to the mezzanine. They had lost their table to four other men, so they leaned against the balcony and watched Vin and Brady.

"So, you'd really move to New York?" Kurt asked when he started to let his mind wander. He noticed that whatever Brady wanted, Sean said yes to almost instantly.

"Sure. Why not? It's not like I have a job where I need to stay in one spot."

"But just like that?"

Sean laughed and looked over at Brady, who was gyrating heavily against Vin. "I know I spoil him, but I like it. I love him. I'd do anything for him."

The way Sean looked down onto the sea of people and only saw Brady made Kurt only want that feeling for himself more. He looked down at Brady and Vin and then over to the bar at Blaine. He really knew how much of a mess he'd made things. Sean's voice roused him from his thoughts. "He's going to leave me."

"What?" Kurt asked. He partly didn't hear Sean and the other part just left him stunned.

"Brady. He's going to leave me."

"No. You two are so perfect. He looks so happy with you."

"He's happy, but I think he found someone else."

"What makes you say that?" Kurt saw the look on his face that told him Sean believed what he was saying to be true.

"It's little things, but mostly it's the way he looks at Vin."

Kurt's eyebrows went up in surprise. He looked down at Vin and Brady and finally saw what he now thought that he was previously too blind to see. It wasn't just a hunger in Brady's eyes as he looked at Vin. It was excitement and affection too. Deep, deep affection.

"Oh, geeze. Kurt, I'm sorry. You didn't know, did you?"

"Know what?" Kurt asked, still looking at Vin and Brady.

Sean sighed and rubbed the back of his own neck. "I really shouldn't be the one telling you this. You should talk to Vin."

"Just tell me," Kurt said flatly.

"Kurt… They've been sleeping together."

His head whipped to look at Sean. "They fucked?"

"Like rabbits, or so Brady told me."

"Brady told you this?" Kurt was in shock. He just kept repeating what Sean was telling him in the form of a question.

Sean went on to tell Kurt about everything Brady told him about being with Vin and how it started and how Vin told him that he was in an open relationship with Kurt, but he wasn't supposed to have sex with anyone. Sean has warned Brady not to get in the middle of a relationship, but Brady insisted that it was Vin's choice and none of Brady's business what Vin hid from Kurt.

"I just don't get it. How can you be okay with all this?" Kurt found that he was less concerned with what he just heard and more concerned with the fact that he was hearing this from Brady's boyfriend, who seemed like it was no big deal on his end.

"I'm really sorry, Kurt. Maybe we shouldn't have come. You were so nice to us when you had no idea what Brady was doing."

"I think I just need time to think. I appreciate your honesty." He looked back to Vin and Brady and watched for another handful of minutes. A tall, muscular man, much like Sean's build came up from Brady's behind and created a Brady sandwich. It didn't take long for Brady's attention to be diverted and he turned around, giving the man a lot of scrutiny. As he thought some more he had a revelation that hit him like a ton of bricks. He didn't feel jealous at the knowledge of Vin with Brady, like he thought he was supposed to. In fact, he barely felt anything at all.

He looked over to Blaine at the bar and felt regret. It was that moment that Kurt knew he should have chosen Blaine a long time ago. Maybe he knew that all along, but was too scared to come to terms with it. He always told his students that it took a large amount of courage to love another person freely and to give all of yourself to them because to take that chance, you had a lot to lose if you were wrong. Now he saw just how much he was losing by letting Blaine go. How much he was missing out on by not giving his heart away to Blaine. He never knew the difference before. He would lose a lot by giving Blaine up, but he would miss out on so much more if he never gave it a chance. I never should have ran back to the library that day, he thought. I should have stayed. I should have done a lot of things that I didn't.

"Well, that's my cue," Sean said. Kurt was roused from his thoughts and saw Brady and the tall stranger looking up at Sean. The stranger smiled in approval and Brady looked excited. Kurt knew that look. That was the look of three men about to happily go to the back room and fuck. Sean put his hand on Kurt's shoulder. "I'm really sorry."

"No. I'm glad you told me." He sighed and tried an appreciative smile. He watched as Vin watched them go away and then look up to Kurt with a smile. He had no idea what just happened in the mezzanine.

Before Kurt had a chance to run into Vin, he went over to the bar and sat down in Jackson's section. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and saw that his facial appearance was nothing less than sulking. He put his eye line back down and before anyone had a chance to ask if he wanted a drink, a Midori sour appeared in front of him. "You here alone?"

Kurt looked up, curious why Blaine was in front of him and not Jackson. "No."

"Are you not having fun?"

"I was, but now I'm not."

"Because you're looking at me right now?" Blaine guessed.

"No! That's not it!"

Blaine sighed in relief and Jackson returned. He was only wearing a pair of boxers at this point. People were barking orders out at Blaine, but he was ignoring them as they stared at each other for a few moments. Jackson dumped a bucket of ice into the ice bin and the crashing sound broke their silence. "Jackson, I'm going to take a break."

Blaine ran around the bar and pushed through people to get to Kurt. He put his hand on Kurt's back. "Come with me."

Kurt obeyed instantly and followed Blaine outside. "I can't believe you're even talking to me," Kurt confessed.

"Just because I said that we weren't going to work out, doesn't mean that I don't want it to. I still meant it when I said that I love you. I'm just not what you need right now."

Kurt wanted to cry listening to Blaine telling him that he loved him; since Kurt felt that he deserved much less than love from Blaine. "I miss you," he said simply.

Blaine smiled. "I miss you too." He put his hands in his pockets and looked down at his shoes. "It's been two weeks and it feels like it's been months. I hate being away from you."

"Me too. Blaine, I wish this were easier. I'm so sorry that I put you through this. I don't know when I became so selfish or indecisive. You'd think I'd be better, but I'm just so messed up-"

Blaine stepped closer to Kurt and wrapped his arms around him, but still keeping his head faced forward to look him in the eyes. "You're not messed up. You're just scared and confused. It'll pass and when it does, you'll be ready for someone to love you the way you deserve."

Kurt was on the verge of tears. He wished he had the time and the words right then to tell him everything, but he knew he didn't have nearly the amount of time he would need because Blaine was working.

"What's the matter?" Blaine asked.

"I miss you so much." His eyes welled up. He wasn't sad about Vin. On the contrary, this had nothing to do with Vin. It was all about Kurt feeling guilty for what he did to Blaine and how Blaine is being so nice to him.

Blaine kissed Kurt's cheek and hugged him tighter. "Don't cry. It's going to be okay." He kissed Kurt's cheek again and found that Kurt kissed him back. When he pulled his head back to face Kurt again, Kurt looked at Blaine pleadingly. So, Blaine did the only thing he could think to do. He leaned forward and kissed Kurt on the lips. It was soft at first, gentle touches of lips and then parting them, tasting each other softly. Then their tongues past one another's lips and hands gasped tighter to each other. It was a needy, yet blissful kiss. But it wouldn't last.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Vin yelled.