Oct. 21, 2012, 7:18 a.m.
The Chances We Take: Chapter 34
E - Words: 5,761 - Last Updated: Oct 21, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 37/37 - Created: Jun 02, 2012 - Updated: Oct 21, 2012 501 0 1 0 0
Blaine
It was a rare occasion these days when everyone in Blaine's house was able to eat dinner all together. Blaine made a salad while David kept an eye on the roast beef he put in earlier. Jeff was in charge of potatoes and carrots and Nick and Wes sniffed around, commenting on how hungry they were. David got sick of Nick continuously going into the kitchen and staring at the meat in the oven so he sent him out to buy something for everyone to drink with dinner. Wes decided to stay out of David's way in case he were to send him out for something too.
When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting around the dinner table, they all agreed that this was nice and it had been too long since they'd all sat down and had a meal together that they actually cooked. "We should make this a bi-weekly thing," Nick suggested. "You know, like make plans and stick to them to actually do this once every two weeks."
The meal was half done and their laughter was starting to die down after a while of telling stories and walking down memory lane. Blaine speared a carrot and popped it in his mouth when the questions started coming. "So, how's Kurt?" David asked. David knew the least about Kurt because they spent the least amount of time together.
"Kurt's good." Blaine swallowed the food in his mouth and took a sip of his drink.
"Are you together yet?"
Blaine pursed his lips, holding the liquid in his mouth before swallowing. David always was a little forward and straight to the point. "Nope," he answered popping the P at the end of the word.
"Why not?"
The other's had gone silent and Nick and Jeff went about eating their food without making eye contact because they knew everything already. "It's complicated."
"Doesn't seem that complicated. You like him; he likes you."
"Yes, I know that's how it works in the land of Is or Isn't, but there's more to it than that." He looked back at his meat, starting to cut more of it up into bite size pieces, and thought that the questioning was done. He was wrong.
"I know it's none of my business, but can you explain it to me? I still find it a little confusing."
"Well, he's in an open relationship with his current boyfriend that he's been with for a while and he has feelings for us both."
"And you're just waiting for him to make up his mind?"
"Yes."
David scrunched up his eyes. "That sounds stupid."
"Well, like I said… more than that. It's complicated." Blaine rolled his eyes and took a bite of his roast beef. "The beef's good."
"Thanks. It kind of sounds like he's using both of you."
"He's not," he was quick to defend. "Well, um… sort of, but not really."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"It doesn't have to. Not to you anyway. As long as I'm comfortable and okay with the current situation, it's fine."
"This is coming out wrong," David stated, putting his fork and knife down and picking up his glass. "I guess what I'm trying to ask is: what's it like? Just waiting and being around him, knowing he's with someone else?"
Blaine really thought. This was a question he could answer and not be mad at. "You know in High School when you were all into Amanda and she was with John? You were her friend until she dumped him for you. It's mostly like that… except I get to make out with him and stuff." He smirked and took another bit of meat.
"Does it ever bother you knowing he's with that other guy?"
"Not really. I mean, it does get annoying when randomly shows up like he did the other night, but I respect Kurt enough to wait."
"Wait for what? What is so hard about choosing?"
"I think he's making it harder for himself than it needs to be, but for the most part, he's just afraid of putting himself out there completely. He and I have never really talked about it, but I think he feels safe in whatever kind of relationship he has with Vin because he's pretty much the one in control. His past relationships have never been about him. He put his everything into his those relationships and they were awful enough to keep him from feeling like fully trusting anyone again was okay."
David wore this expression that Blaine could tell he was putting the pieces of a puzzle together in his brain. But, knowing David, they were large puzzle pieces and easy to fit. He wasn't going to understand completely, Blaine knew it. "So… while you two are building a stable base for a relationship, he just has this other guy in the mean time?"
When put like that, it sounded like Kurt was an awful person. "Um. Yeah. But it's more than that. It's hard to explain. I mean, he could just decide that he wants to stay with him and make things work."
"But you don't think that's how it's going to be."
"I could be wrong."
"But you don't think you will be."
"What does it matter, David?" Blaine finally snapped, sounding exhausted with answering questions about this.
Before David had a chance to answer, Wes perked up. "Well, I, for one, really hope it works out for you two because I like Kurt. Everyone at the party last week, thought he was really charming and funny."
"Yeah, speaking of which, you came home really late that night. I would have thought you would have stayed at his place."
Blaine groaned, though he was happy that David stopped talking. Neither the situation with Kurt nor Kurt as a person was nearly as bad as David made it sound. "Vin was there when I brought him home. It was a close one too because he could have easily caught us kissing or something."
"I still don't understand-" David started.
"I don't care if you understand!" Blaine finished. "The best way I can explain it is that Kurt is afraid to put his entire heart into a relationship with someone who makes him feel excited and equal because that person he trusted completely might turn right around and prove him wrong and break his heart. I know it sounds like he's using me, but he's not. I know it sounds like he's being selfish, but I don't see it that way. I know it's not ideal or even easy to understand, but it's just the way it is and I'm perfectly fine with the way things are with us right now. Yes, I want more from him, but I'm willing to wait and I don't care what anyone else thinks about it."
"Whoa. Whoa," David calmed. "Why are you getting upset about his? I'm sorry if I drilled you, I'm just trying to understand. It seems like you really are bothered by it because you wouldn't be getting so bugged by me asking."
"I'm pissed because I'm tired of people asking. I'm fine with telling you guys because I've known you forever, but I'm tired of people passing judgment on it. It's none of anyone's fucking business and if it works for us, it works for us- end of story. To hell with whatever anyone else thinks about what makes sense and what doesn't or if it's moral or not. It's not nearly as complicated as everyone makes it out to be. He has a boyfriend, they're allowed to date other people; I romance him; we share feelings; we tell each other everything. When he's ready, he'll tell me. In the meantime, I'm courting him. I'm okay with it. It's everyone else that isn't okay with it."
"How could you be okay with it though?"
"Because I have to be. It's either be okay with it or forget having anything with him. It's not that hard."
Nick, who's well acquainted, possibly more than anyone else, with the whole Kurt thing, saw Blaine's exhausted posture and decided to help. "If anything, it's easier than what you're doing with that chick you're trying to date now."
"Chastity?"
"Yeah. You are bending over backwards trying to impress her. Blaine and Kurt were friends first. They are completely comfortable with each other and they have no secrets. You are trying everything to get with a girl who would probably like you if you were just yourself." He forked mashed potatoes into his mouth.
"Yeah," Jeff added. "You could probably learn a thing or two from Blaine."
"This coming from the guy who can't keep a girl for more than two weeks," David shot back.
"That's because I don't operate like Blaine." Jeff smiled and took a long drink from his glass. Nick, Blaine, and Wes all laughed.
Kurt
Kurt spent his long weekend with Vin in a whirlwind of emotions. He was doted the on the morning after Vin arrived because Kurt had a massive hang-over and nothing seemed to want to stay in his stomach. The day after that, when he was feeling better, Vin got grumpy when Kurt accepted a text from Blaine, who had asked if Kurt was feeling okay. They spent the rest of that day bickering over little things. The day after that, Vin came around again and apologized for being jealous. He made an effort to be nicer and said that he didn't want to ruin the rest of his time with Kurt.
On the final day, Kurt was listening to, what seemed to be the millionth story about Brady and decided to say something. He wasn't bothered. He was just curious. "So, are you dating Brady?"
"No," Vin stated quickly, shoving food in his mouth.
"You sure? I mean, it's okay if you were because that's part of our open relationship, but it just seems that you spend an awful lot of time with him for two people who aren't dating."
Vin still had a mouthful of food and he shook his head. He swallowed. "No. Just friends. He's got a boyfriend in the Navy."
Kurt squinted his eyes in suspicion. "Yeah, you've told me."
"I did?"
"More than once. More than twice actually."
"Oh." He took another large bite.
"Well, Brady seems like a nice guy. I'm glad you made a new friend."
"I won't be seeing much of him for a couple weeks because his boyfriend is on leave. You can imagine how that goes."
"Ah!" Kurt smiled. "I'd imagine it was a little similar to how you used to be when we hadn't seen each other for a while."
Vin grinned. "Those were the days. You were never clothed."
Kurt didn't know what to think of that comment. "Are you saying that we have a sexless relationship?"
Vin looked stunned. "No! That's not what I meant at all."
"What did you mean?"
"Just that I really like the way you look naked. I didn't mean anything by it. I'm fine with our sex life."
"Really? Because we went from pretty much having it non-stop to having it rarely."
"Are you bothered by it?"
"No."
"You're not?"
"No. Are you?"
"No."
There was a pause. "Yes you are. I can see it. You think that I never want to have sex with you anymore."
"Well do you?"
"When we have sex, I want it, and when we're not, I don't. It's not you, it's just the way things are right now. It's not like I'm trying to keep your nuts in a jar."
"I didn't say you were."
"Do you think I'm holding out on you?"
Vin winced. "Not really. I mean, we do have sex every time I come here, it's just not constant like it used to be. I'm not disappointed. It's just different."
Kurt sighed. He didn't like this conversation at all. At what point had he not really wanted to have sex as much? He wasn't old and frigid. Then he remembered the events of the other night when Blaine brought him home. Had Vin not been there, they may have ended up having sex. He remembered how much he wanted Blaine. Now he felt guilty.
He was beginning to think that this relationship was becoming more and more destructive than he thought. "You said Brady's boyfriend was going home on leave?"
"Yeah."
"Why don't you invite them over here for weekend?"
"Really?" Vin was in awe that Kurt just said that. "You sure?"
"Yeah. I mean, I really should meet my boyfriend's new BFF, right?"
Kurt and Blaine
"Can I ask you something?" Kurt said as they walked out of the movie theater hand in hand.
Blaine turned his head and smiled. "Of course."
He looked down at the ground, scuffing his shoes on the salt stained sidewalk. "Why did you cover for me last week at my apartment? You could have told Vin the truth or not let go of my hand. He would have known about us. Why did you lie?"
Blaine cleared his throat and looked to his left. A small coffee shop was there and he steered Kurt in. "Let's get some coffee and I'll answer you when we sit down."
Kurt shivered from the cold air and agreed. They ordered, got their drinks, and sat down at a table in the corner. He waited, knowing Blaine was going to answer him. He didn't want to force an answer out, so he let Blaine formulate one.
When he was done fixing his coffee the way he liked it, Blaine took a sip and looked at Kurt, who was avidly awaiting for him to say something. He cleared his throat again. "I could have told him everything. I could have pretended to be more drunk than I was and draped myself all over you. I could have pretended that we were on a date and stood my ground because you're allowed to date other people now. I could have done a lot of things… But I don't want to get you that way. I want you to choose me because you chose me. I don't want you to choose me because he broke up with you. I care about you more than I can say and I want you more than anything… but for my own ego and sanity and whatever else, I don't want to be your second choice because I'm not a second choice. I'll be honest. I'm a damn good boyfriend. I'm faithful, caring, supportive, and honest. I know you've thought you had that in every relationship you've been in, only to find out that you were wrong, which I understand makes you scared to go for someone else because who's to say that I wouldn't do those things to? But, I promise you, whatever it is that we have right now, whatever we're working towards, I'm not going to pressure you into anything or sell you out because that's not how I am. I don't operate like that."
"I know. You're not scheming." They smiled wistfully at each other and each sipped their coffee in silence for a couple minutes.
"Now can I ask you a question?"
Kurt swallowed the coffee in his mouth and put down his mug, nodding his head. "Anything."
Blaine was going to go against his own unspoken rule. He was going to ask about Vin and Kurt's personal life. "What happened after I left?"
"I threw up and Vin put me to bed." Kurt rubbed his forehead. "Not my best moment, but at least I made it to the trashcan and didn't blow chunks all over the floor or my clothes." He almost dry heaved at the hazy memory.
Blaine gulped. He never asked about Kurt and Vin as a couple. "No," he corrected. "Not just that night. I meant for the weekend. What happened the rest of the weekend. Did you," he averted his eyes trying to shadow the true amount of his curiosity and looming jealousy, "have fun? Or, um… do anything?" What he meant to ask was Did you sleep with him? but was too chicken to ask. Normally, this was something he tried not to think about or put out of his mind because he assumed they must be sleeping together because they were a couple, but he preferred not to think about it.
Kurt wasn't catching on because he was still stuck on the thought of almost vomiting on and ruining a fantastic pair of shoes. "Yeah. It was fun, I guess. Well, mostly it was kind of boring and we didn't really do anything. He just came for a visit. I had files to look over and he had papers to grade so we just hung around the house and had dinner with Puck."
"Oh." Blaine was about to let it go, but knew it would bother him if he didn't ask. Hell, it was going to bother him if he did ask because deep down, he knew their relationship was changing yet again. Blaine, was growing jealous of Vin. He used to feel that he was okay with Vin being with Kurt because Vin was Kurt's boyfriend and Blaine came second when Vin was around. He was okay with it because he always felt that it was temporary and Kurt was well worth the wait. But now… something was different. They went back and forth with mindless chatter about the movie and the actors and work until they got to Blaine's apartment. Blaine still felt off and when they were lounging in the music room. "Do you think that if he weren't there that night… we might've…?" he trailed off, not finishing the sentence.
Kurt snapped out of his stream of thoughts and looked up, surprised by Blaine's insinuation. "Oh. That. Yeah. We should talk about that, shouldn't we?" Kurt stumbled through his words. "I, um, I don't know. Maybe. I mean, I wasn't far away from heaving the contents of my stomach out, so, I don't know. I suppose we very well could have gotten interrupted by my projectile vomiting."
Blaine paid close attention to Kurt's mannerisms and the way he spoke about what might have been. Kurt acted nervous and was making excuses instead of actually answering the question. "Okay. Well, tell me one thing then. If we did, would you have regretted it?" He looked down and quickly stopped Kurt from saying anything. "Wait. Stop. Don't answer that. I shouldn't have asked. Sleeping with me means that you would have cheated on Vin and you would have felt guilty and it obviously would have been wrong."
Something about Blaine's comment puzzled Kurt. It should have been Kurt to say those things. "Would you have regretted it?"
Blaine's face looked almost somber. "I would regret doing anything that would put you in a position to feel that you should hate yourself." That was the truth. He always hated the self deprecated look that Kurt wore when he was cheating on Vin during the week Blaine lived with him. "I wasn't lying when I said that I've wanted you for so long, but I want you the right way. Without regrets."
Kurt looked down, feeling both bashful and a little shame.
"Hey," Blaine said, reaching forward touching Kurt's arm. "What's wrong?"
"I keep thinking that you can't be real. No one has ever talked to me like that before. I mean, people have said things like that before, but no one has ever said them the way you do."
Blaine gave Kurt a half smile. "So, what's the problem?"
"So, the sweeter you are and the more wonderful you seem to be, the more terrified I get that you may not be being real with me. I've know guys who have gone through great lengths and time for a piece of ass and I've known other guys who made me believe that what we had was something special because I'd never experienced what they were offering me, but then," he snapped his fingers, "just like that, they up and left for something they felt was better. I'm afraid that if I let myself fall for you, you'll end up just like the others: all excitement until it ends without warning."
Blaine scrunched his forehead and shook his head incredulously. He was mad at every person who had ever hurt Kurt in his life. "I hate what they did to you. They ruined you, Kurt."
The chair was smooth against Kurt's clothing as he sat up and leaned back against the solid wood. He was serious now. "The guy I was with before Vin said that too."
Blaine reached forward and took Kurt's hand. "How can I make you believe that you're the only one that I could ever want?"
"Vin said that to me the other night in the bathtub."
The bathtub, Blaine thought. "But I'm not any of those men, Kurt. What have I ever done to make you think that I'd do anything those guys have done."
"Nothing. It isn't you."
"It isn't me? Please don't use the 'it's not you; it's me' line. Whatever it is- Whether it's you, me, them, or some random person on the street, it's me who has to suffer because of it."
"It's not just you who has to suffer. Don't you think that I am killing myself over this? Over how many people I can hurt? Over how fucked over I'd feel for having been another sucker for falling for the same thing a third time, if you turn out to be lying, right now."
"But I'm not lying!"
"How could I know that?"
"Because you know me!"
"And I thought I knew them! I thought I knew everything about all of them. They made me feel like you're trying to make me feel: special and worth every precious everything in the world, but what I didn't know was that precious things become less precious when a new model comes along."
"Well, I don't believe that. I like antiques." He hoped Kurt would get the meaning hidden underneath. "I think that things gain value overtime, especially when they were important items in the beginning."
"Is that why you went nuts over my claw foot tub in my bathroom?"
Blaine laughed then remembered that Kurt just mentioned he was in that tub with Vin not too long ago. He decided to change the subject again. "When is the next time we should be expecting him?"
Kurt thought, trying to do math in his head. "Uh, two weeks."
"That soon?"
"Yeah. He has this new friend that has a boyfriend on leave from the Navy. Brady. Vin practically talked about him non-stop most the weekend. Anyway, I invited them to come visit."
"Really?" The jealousy Blaine felt earlier was only enhanced slightly at the thought of Kurt and Vin doing couple things with other couples, like vacations.
"Yeah. I have cousins in the military and I know how important time with their significant others is and I just thought I'd do something nice for one of our countrymen."
"You would look so hot in a naval uniform," Blaine said, changing the subject a little.
"Me? Please," Kurt waved off, not agreeing with Blaine. He ran his fingers gently over the piano keys, looking deep in thought.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Blaine asked.
Kurt bit his lip and put his hand back in his lap. "I think Brady means more to Vin than Vin is letting on."
Blaine's eyebrows went up in surprise, though he was more than happy to hear this because it might have meant that Vin was interested in being with someone other than Kurt. "Oh? And why do you think that?"
"Vin wouldn't stop talking about him. I've seen a picture of him and he is cute." He used his hands to emphasize his opinion of Brady's look. "He has permission to date other people, but he spends all his time with Brady it seems."
"If he was dating Brady, why wouldn't he admit it? You both are allowed to date other people."
"I know and that's what worries me."
"Worries you? Kurt, you're doing the exact same thing that you're worried he's doing. You spend all your time with me when he's not around. What's the big deal?"
"I don't know. I hadn't really thought much about it. My first reaction is to be worried."
Blaine scrunched his eyes in confusion. In his mind, if Kurt was worried that Vin was doing the same thing he was, then Blaine thought that Kurt was looking for reasons to stay with him and not for reasons why he should be with Blaine. His jealousy overcame him again. "I wish I knew what was in your head."
"What do you mean? I tell you pretty much everything."
"I just wish I knew where your head was at. I'm sort of getting mixed signals right now. The other night was great and earlier tonight was great, but then you come out with things like you're worried that Vin is cheating on you and you still don't know if I'm going to leave you like the others did."
"No, that's not- Fuck. This isn't going how I meant it to go and none of that came out right."
"Well, that's how it did come out and from where I'm sitting, everything we just talked about is coming across like I'm just the guy in waiting. I told you I could be patient while you worked things out in your head, but it seems like that's not what you're doing at all. I mean, am I just the guy waiting around until you figure out how to make it work with Vin?"
"No! Shit." Kurt's pitch was getting higher the more he spoke.
"I'm so tired of having to explain us to other people. It used to be okay because I at least thought we were working towards something, but now it just seems that I'm working towards something and you're at a stand-still. I get that you're confused and insecure, but I'm the one paying for it and I know you just want to be honest with me because we're friends too, but you can't say things like that and expect me to be okay with hearing it. I have real feelings for you and when you say things like that, it hurts."
"I did it again. I told you I would."
"You would what?"
"Break your heart." That one fragmented sentence caused the ultimate silence between them. They stared into each other's eyes in deep emotional turmoil because they knew it to be right. Kurt did say that to Blaine and Kurt knew it would be true when he said it.
Blaine finally broke the silence with a sentence that he never wanted to say to Kurt ever, but it had been playing on his mind since Vin entered the picture. "This isn't going to work, is it?"
Kurt couldn't bring himself to say the words so he just shook his head, unable to look at Blaine anymore. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. I can't make you ready to want something when you're not and I can't stick around and wait because it isn't making things any easier for you to decide or for me to be ready in case you don't choose me."
"I shouldn't be with anybody. I'm kryptonite."
"That's not true."
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't. If you were kryptonite, then I would be able to say this isn't going to work and feel relieved that this is over, but I'm not relieved. I already want to take back what I just said because I think about not being near you and I know it's not what I want."
Kurt gulped, knowing that he felt the same way. His comfort zone was to be miserable. It had been so long since he was happy in a monogamous relationship that he didn't know how to just relax and let himself be. "If I fight you on this-" He stopped himself and restarted a sentence. "I already told you that I'll break your heart over and over. Things will just get worse."
"I know. I've been pretending this whole time that I was okay with everything, but I know that man isn't me. I can't pretend anymore that I don't try to be better than Vin because all I'm doing is waiting for your sham of a relationship with him to crumble."
"That's an awful thing to wait for."
"Well that's what I hope for, what I wish for everyday!" Blaine's voice was raising. "I don't want him in the picture. I don't want him to move in with you and Puck. Fuck, Kurt, I don't want to share you!" He was breathing heavily now.
Kurt froze. He looked stunned. He never actually thought about what he was going to do when the time came to choose. He never put the thought off, but he just never knew. Kurt crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I don't know what else to say, except I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry." Blaine shook his head. "Kurt, all the time we spent together, all the intimate moments, all the smiles, and the words, and the glances, you never thought about what I was doing with you? I thought I made it clear." He moved closer and invaded Kurt's personal space by getting really close to him. He cupped both of Kurt's cheeks and held Kurt's face gently, making Kurt look him in the eyes. "I want to be with you. I want to be your boyfriend. I don't want to be your secret anymore."
Kurt inhaled and swallowed hard. His breath caught. Blaine started to leaned in to kiss him, but Kurt shrugged away and walked around Blaine. "I can't do this."
"Why?!" Blaine shouted, turning towards him again. "Is it not worth your time? Am I not worth your time and explanation? I'm only the guy you're seeing behind you're real boyfriend's back." He paused. Blaine looked away and took a breath to calm himself. When he finally looked back at Kurt, he saw the look he hated the most: the guilty, self-deprecating look that told Blaine Kurt was hurting and struggling with everything. He spoke again, slower and quieter. "What can't you do? Tell me how you feel? Make a decision? It's a simple one to make. You just go with who you want."
"No. It's not that simple."
"Yes it is. If you want him then leave me. It'll hurt, but at least I'll know and I won't feel strung along. And if you want me, then tell him that you don't feel the same way about him anymore. He'll be hurt too, but he'll move on eventually, the same way I would."
"I don't want to hurt either of you. He didn't ask for this. We did. We went into this knowing it was wrong. He has no clue what I've been doing behind his back. He didn't deserve this."
"You're right. He didn't," Blaine began to move closer to Kurt, "but that doesn't change that it happened. You can feel guilty for an eternity, but it still won't change anything."
"What do you want from me here, Blaine? Because I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Are we breaking up or…?"
He approached Kurt fully now. "What do I want?" Blaine repeated softly. He ran his fingers through Kurt's hair and brought Kurt's forehead to his own. "I want you. I want you to pick me, to choose me. I want to be yours and for you to be mine."
"I… Blaine…"
"Are you going to make me say it?" Blaine smiled wistfully.
"You don't-"
"I love you. You're everything I've ever needed and everything I could ever want. You put me through hell sometimes and you drive me crazy, but I can't stop wanting you. I'm drawn to you in a way I never felt for anyone. You're like a craving that never goes away."
"Blaine…"
Blaine leaned forward and gently touched his lips to Kurt's. The act was soft and simple, but there was so much feeling and energy passing between them. When Blaine spoke next, it was almost a whisper. "Just… put me out of my misery…. Pick me. Be with me. Take a chance on me." He brought his lips back to Kurt's.
No sooner did their lips part open, Kurt's phone rang in his pocket. They broke apart and Blaine exhaled audibly and looked away. He knew who was calling.
Kurt dug his hand in his pocket and answered his phone without saying anything to Blaine. He cleared his throat. "Hi," he greeted, pretending to sound cheerful. "It's good. I'm window shopping in Manhattan." Blaine twisted his face in both jealousy and pain. He turned away and walked to look out the window. "Yeah, me too. Two weeks. I can't believe it. Hey, can I call you right back? 'Kay I'll talk to you in a minute. Bye." Kurt ended the call and went over to Blaine. He put his hand on Blaine's shoulder, but Blaine didn't look at him. "I have to go," he said to Blaine.
"Yeah. I know."
Kurt kissed Blaine's cheek softly and hugged him, embracing him in such a way to say he was sorry. Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's middle, but there was no tension in his arms. He was only putting his arms around Kurt as a response. He closed his eyes and a tear ran down his cheek, hot and stinging his eye upon exit. He was tired of being second best. He didn't want to be second to Vin anymore. He wanted to be first in Kurt's heart. He wanted Kurt.
Kurt sniffled. "I'd ask what you're thinking, but I'm thinking that it isn't what I want to hear…"
"You're probably right."
Kurt bit his lip. "I'll see you Friday night at your concert?" It was a loaded question.
Blaine knew what Kurt meant. If Blaine said that he wanted Kurt there, that meant that they were still together. If he said that Kurt didn't have to go then they were broken up. It was this moment that the little sentence that had played on his mind for months was right. This isn't going to work. Not this way. He took one last breath, staring in Kurt's beautiful eyes, and tried to say the words telepathically because he didn't want to say them out loud. "Don't bother," was all he could manage. There was no more emotion in Blaine's voice. "See you around, Kurt."
Kurt's eyes welled up, knowing that as much as this hurt, it was for the better. "Bye." Kurt kissed Blaine's cheek softly and left without another word.
Blaine continued to stand in front of the window, unmoving. He saw Kurt walking down the street, his phone already back up to his ear, and a couple tears rolled down his cheek. I'd ask what you're thinking, but I'm thinking that it isn't what I want to hear… I was thinking how I'm tired of watching you walk away from me. I'd ask what you're thinking, but I'm thinking that it isn't what I want to hear… The words kept spinning round and round in his mind. When he finally left the window, Blaine went back to his piano and started playing, feeling something in his fingers and needing to get it out.
Comments
ugh!!! i hate kurt and i know vin had sex with that guy!!!