Kurt

Kurt had gone home after seeing Blaine for the first time in months and decided to vent to Puck over pizza and beer.. "It's just…" he started. "I don't know how he has the power to do that to me. One look and I become a fluttering mess inside."

"Maybe because you two have unresolved issues that you need to work through?"

"I don't think he wants to work through anything. He seems pretty stable in his life right now. I'm pretty stable in my life too. It's been almost half a year, Puck. He and I should be over what happened between us by now, right? I mean, he did say that whatever he and I had ended. He said it with such finality that it sounded like he was so sure that he was over it... And, you know, me."

"I doubt it." Puck took a pull from his lager and looked as if he rolled his eyes slightly.

With the tip of his bottle pressed to his lips, Kurt stopped himself from taking a sip when Puck's words reached his muddled brain. "Why do you say that?"

"You said he asked about Vin, right?" Kurt nodded. "Why would he ask unless he didn't want to know if you were attached to someone or not?" Puck gave Kurt an assuming look and kept his eyes on him as he took a long drink from his beer bottle. Clearly Puck knew too much about relationships and body language.

Kurt collapsed onto the table and banged his forehead onto the top. Puck snatched his bottle off the table so it wouldn't topple over. "Ugh!" he groaned. "Why am I even thinking about this? It's like nothing changed. Six fucking months passed and you'd think I'd be over him by now. You'd think I'd be able to mentally commit to just one person."

Puck opened another beer from the six pack he had sitting on the table. "If you can't commit, mentally or physically to Vin, you shouldn't be with him. Take the last time as a sign. Messing around with a close friend screws things up. Cheating on someone you care about really messes things up."

"But what if Blaine doesn't want to be with me?"

"So, you'd stay with Vin just because you don't think the person you really want wants you back?"

Puck had caught him. "Is that what I'm doing?" Kurt asked out loud, but it was more of a question to himself.

"I don't know. You're the psych counselor."

He felt stupid. Puck was right. How had he missed this about himself completely? He was still so stuck on Blaine that it almost overshadowed how he felt about Vin. Almost. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Do you love him?"

"Who?"

"See, the fact that you have to ask tells me that you really don't know who you love. If you were in love with Vin, you would have clarified him as the one you loved immediately."

"And if it were Blaine?"

"You haven't given yourself a chance to love him. All you've done is spend time thinking about how wrong what you two were doing was."

"But what if I haven't given myself a chance to really love Vin either? He's changed so much. He did all that because he wanted to be with me."

"But you didn't ask him to. Why did you brake up with him in the first place?"

"Because he wasn't the person I thought he was and I wasn't happy. Not just with him, but with myself. I'd never been a cheater and I'd never been lied to that badly."

"Well, Buddy, I hate to break it to you, but you're still a cheater and he still lied to you. You're not cheating on him now and maybe he really isn't lying to you at the moment, but him changing as a person doesn't change what you both did in the past. Sure, maybe you've forgiven all that, but if he changed, then you either need to forget about Blaine and really get to know the new Vin, or leave him be."

Kurt looked at his room mate incredulously. "Those can't be my only options. Choose one or the other? That's your great advice? Puck, you've done more living than anyone I know and your advice is to just pick one of them like a flavor of ice cream?"

Puck smiled, but widened his eyes in surprise. He lifted his hands and splayed them out in a defensive stance. "Well, what else did you expect? I've never committed to just one person, Kurt. You're the head doctor here. Shouldn't you be the guru of advice?"

Kurt flinched his entire body. He was desperate for an answer to his problems. "For other people! I'm a messed up freak, just like everyone else. Just because I have all the textbooks, doesn't mean I know how to turn it around on myself. Do you know how many psychologists and shrinks see counselors and psychiatrists themselves? A lot. At least at the ones I know."

Kurt's wide-eyed outburst made Puck laugh and he gulped the rest of his beer. He put the bottle down when he was finished and put his hands flat on the table, facing Kurt completely. "Okay. In all seriousness here. If I were in your situation- and this is me being you, here- I'd find a way to date Blaine without actually dating him to see how I felt about him."

"But that goes back into the cheating category. No more cheating, remember?"

"It's not cheating if it's acceptable behavior." Puck made a face like he'd just said "tah-dah" after performing a magic trick.

"You mean like an open relationship?"

"Exactly. How does he even know what he wants or what's good for him if he's never been in a real relationship before? He's so focused on you that he may not even know what's best for him. Ever think about that?"

Kurt narrowed his eyes, not believing that this was an option Puck suggested he explore. "How do those even work?"

"You both agree on terms. If you're allowed to go on dates, then so is he. If you get to sleep with other people, he does too."

"I don't know how I feel about that. I don't know how he would feel about that."

"Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll be totally into it."

"Or maybe he'll hate it and leave me."

"Then what would that matter? Fifteen minutes ago you were wondering about whether or not Blaine wanted to be with you."

"Yeah, but-" Kurt groaned and sighed. "You make it seem like I don't even want to be with Vin."

"Do you?"

"Yes!"

"But being around Blaine makes you question that?"

"Yes."

"Then what does that tell you?"

"That I'm still in square one and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing because I'm an idiot who takes people for granted.."

"You don't take people for granted," Puck soothed. "You're human, just like the rest of us. Even the most in love of couples still get their attention diverted for a moment or two. Believe me, I know. Do you know how many women I slept with for my pool cleaning business in Ohio? Tons. Wanna know how many of them were married women? Most of them. You're attention is just being taken for… how long have you known Blaine?"

Kurt reached across the table and hit Puck in the arm. He was being playful, but he had a point. Kurt was a bit taken with Blaine since the night he met him. He sighed again and downed his beer. "Why can't I make a decision? It seems like it should be easy, right? Just pick the one I want and go for him with no thought if he actually wants the same things I do?"

"Maybe you're scared."

The second the words entered Kurt's ears he knew Puck was right. He'd known all along and fought to believe it. He was scared. He was scared to fully give himself to someone else and scared to get rejected. Every relationship he'd ever been in, save from the one he was in with Vin, had ended with the other person leaving him, but that wasn't what Kurt really feared. He wasn't afraid of Blaine or Vin leaving him. He was afraid of throwing himself completely into a relationship with one of them, falling head over heels in love, depending on them completely for emotional support, and then finding out that they don't feel the same. It's the feeling of being so lost in the other person that if they left, he wouldn't know how to deal with it or move forward. He dreaded the feeling of rock bottom and starting fresh alone.

He knew the purpose of being with someone was to find that place of dependency and love that made you feel like they truly completed who you were as a person. He didn't know if that was something you would know immediately or something that two people grew into eventually, but Kurt could see that happening with both men. He didn't put much stock in religion or spiritual feelings, but if he did, he thought that the feeling he felt when he met Blaine would have been a sign to choose him. Then on the opposite end, logic told him that Vin and he had already been through so much and they worked for the relationship that they already had. If dependency and trust was something that really was earned and worked on, then Vin would be the perfect choice. Vin wasn't perfect and neither was Kurt. They both had faults and secrets and fought for the relationship that they had. Wasn't that what Kurt should want? Shouldn't he want stability instead of fantasy? Because that's what Blaine was, fantasy.

Blaine was seemingly perfect to Kurt. He was understanding and gorgeous inside and out. He was smart and patient; immeasurably kind and full of a light that refused to dim. Being with Blaine would be so easy. He could see himself falling for Blaine so quickly and deeply that he'd lose himself completely in their love. But what happened when the magic ran out? Would he find that everything he thought about Blaine was all made up in his mind? Maybe everything he was thinking wouldn't even matter because after everything he put Blaine through, it would be stupid to believe that Blaine would even give Kurt another chance.

Stupid, Kurt thought. I'm so stupid. I don't deserve either one of them.

Kurt Skyped Vin later that night as per their usual planned time. They chatted and hung out and laughed at silly things. Kurt wasn't sure how to bring up an open relationship. How does one even come up with a conversation starter for that sort of thing? he thought. He started panicking when he wasn't sure if he even wanted an open relationship. He wanted a normal relationship where there was him and his significant other and no other people in the mix. Whether he wanted that with Blaine or Vin, he wasn't sure, but he saw the importance of what Puck said to him.

"So, are we still on for me visiting in two weeks?" Vin asked.

"Oh yeah! Totally!"

"I'm so jealous you're going to Washington D.C. for Christmas."

"It's not like I'll be having Christmas dinner with the president," Kurt laughed. "Finn, Rachel, and I will be spending a few days with our parents and extended family. Dad and Carol want us to march as a family with the D.C. chapter of PFLAG in the Christmas Parade."

"Wow. I can't even imagine my family wanting to do that."

"Carol's sister is gay and she's all about it, so her wife and three kids are joining us and my aunt's and uncles and cousins on my dad's side are all marching with us too. My grandmother is in a wheelchair, but she says that she doesn't care if it takes her all day; she's going to be in the parade supporting her grandson." Kurt laughed again and rolled his eyes playfully. The thought of his entire family marching for his and every other homosexual's rights made his heart swell with love. "She's so funny, my grandma. She said," He cleared his throat and tried to impersonate his grandmother's voice as best he could, "You wanna marry a man, marry a man. What the fuck do I care? I'm not the one watching you have sex. Just promise you're going to give me great grandchildren because I need to hold another baby in my lifetime." They both laughed together and Vin looked adoringly at Kurt.

"I'm so happy we're doing this again. I look at you and see what life could be for me. Well, for us," he amended, thinking that 'us' was the better choice. However, it also sounded like it was forced and only being said because it might have been something Kurt wanted to hear.

The light heartedness in Kurt's eyes dimmed slightly and he looked into Vin's eyes at the screen and sighed. If he was going to do it, this would probably be his only chance. Vin made his own segue into the topic of their relationship. "Did you try to date other people or did you just come back to me?"

Vin didn't even look like the question was strange for Kurt to answer. He answered it with no questionable thoughts as to what to say. "I came back to you. I mean, I thought about going back to the person I used to be, but what good would that do?" Vin asked rhetorically. "You're the one that I wanted. Why?"

"I was just thinking."

"Are you having second thoughts?"

Kurt could see the look on Vin's face through the computer screen and knew that he had struck a nerve, but it was something that he had to talk to him about. He couldn't repeat the cycle twice and he couldn't let someone else make the decisions for him any more. "I don't know."

"You're telling me this one week before Christmas and two weeks before I visit? Kurt, tell me the truth. What aren't you sure about?"

"Us. I guess. I mean, our first time round didn't work out so well and I'm so proud of you that you worked so hard on yourself, but I don't want you to have done all that just because you thought it would make me happy."

"But doesn't it make you happy?"

"Yes! It does. You're so amazing for doing all you have done."

"But?"

"But I don't want you to have done all that with only me in mind because if we don't work out in the end, then where will you be? What would be keeping you from going back to your old ways if you didn't do all this for yourself?"

"What are you trying to say, Kurt? Honestly. Just…" Vin looked away from the camera and cleared his throat. When he signed on to Skype that evening, he hadn't expected this to happen. "Just tell me."

"I want you to see other people, I think. I want you to try to go on dates with other people to see if this is really what you want. There are other men out there and I want you to be really sure that all of your work on yourself could be for something great and not just for me."

"You want me to date other people? Kurt, I couldn't bare the thought of someone else kissing me so much that it sent me driving all the way to New York to tell you the last time it happened. How could I see other people?"

"I'm giving you permission. You don't have to feel guilty about something that we're agreeing is okay."

Vin took a breath and tucked his lips backwards and bit down on them, thinking for a few seconds. When he was done thinking, he smoothed out his features and looked into the camera at Kurt curiously yet still a little confused. "I don't understand. I get what you're saying, but I don't understand how you can be so okay with me dating other people. Are you breaking up with me or are we agreeing to an open relationship?"

"Oh! Open relationship! I'm not breaking up with you." Kurt thought for a moment and smoothed out his features. "Definitely an open relationship. Well, I guess that's what the idea is. I don't know. I want for us to see if us being together is the right thing. You and I have been through so much and we've really worked for what we have now and I want you to see what else is out there to really make sure that I'm the one you want."

Vin didn't even question Kurt's explanation. Instead, he went straight into his next question as if he wasn't really listening to Kurt. "Does that mean that you'll be dating other people?"

"I don't know. I guess it's more like we both have the opportunity to date other people."

Vin rolled the idea around in his head. Kurt could see through the screen that Vin was actually considering this. It wasn't that Kurt really wanted to think of Vin with someone else and it wasn't that Kurt was really going to go about seeking Blaine, but he wanted to give himself time to think about his feelings for both Vin and Blaine and he wanted to give Vin a way out of the relationship if Vin thought that maybe there was something better for him out there. And maybe there was, but Kurt had to be sure that this was really what he wanted, what they both wanted.

"What about intimacy? I don't mean sex. I mean kissing and hand holding and all that. Is that on or off the table?"

Kurt really thought about this. He bit his lip and thought about what he'd be comfortable knowing that Vin was doing and what he'd be comfortable telling Vin he was doing if he were in Vin's shoes. "No sex. Please. But if kissing someone seems like the next step that your body wants to do, then… okay."

"You too."

"What?"

"You can kiss other people too. This should be fair. I hate thinking of you with someone else, but if this is what we're doing then everything should be fair. If I have the ability to kiss other guys then so do you."

"Oh. Um. Okay." Kurt was sure that he wouldn't be kissing or dating anyone because this open relationship was meant more for reflection than anything for Kurt. He didn't expect anything from anyone. He just wanted time to think.

"Everything okay?" Vin asked

"Yeah. I've just never done this before."

"We don't have to have this arrangement."

"N-No. I-I want to," Kurt stuttered. "This will be okay and it will be a good experiment. If things turn out that we only want each other, then we still have each other and everything will be better because we'd know what we were missing out on, right?"

"Right." Vin appeared to still be thinking about what he was agreeing to and possibly all the possibilities that it meant for him. "Oh! One more thing. Can I add something to the rules?"

"Of course!" Kurt agreed instantly because he didn't want it to be only one sided making up the ground rules. If Vin was agreeing to something so delicate as an open relationship, then he should be in on the rule making.

"Okay. How about this? You don't have to agree to it; it's more of a preference on my end and I'll do the same if you want."

"What is it?"

"Can we not talk about it?"

"What do you mean?"

"When we go out on a date with someone, can we not talk about it? You see, I- well, it's just that- I guess I-" He took a breath. "I'm okay with the idea of someone else wanting you, but I guess, maybe, I don't really want to know about the guys trying to take you away from me."

"Oh…" Kurt didn't really like this rule. He kind of wanted to know about the men that Vin chose to spend his time with. Maybe he didn't want to know the smallest of details or if he kissed the other guy- "How about we tell each other when we went on a date, but leave out the parts about kissing and all that?"

"That's seems fair. I'm just thinking about how jealous I'd be to know that some other guy was trying to impress you to be with you."

Kurt's eyes softened and his guilt crept up on him again. "I know. I don't really want to think of someone else luring you away either. But maybe that's why this will be good for us because it will test the validity and strength of our feelings for each other."

"You're right." Vin huffed through his nose and smiled. "You're always right. I don't know why I'm even questioning anything. This will be great for us and it will only make us stronger as a couple because I'll prove to you that there is no one better for me than you."

Kurt found it only slightly strange that Vin took so little time to agree to this. He seemed to have no problem with the idea that Vin himself got to date or make out with men who weren't his boyfriend, but his problem was the idea that Kurt might be doing the same. Maybe he hadn't changed as much as I thought he did, Kurt thought.

So Puck's idea went over better than he thought. Some part of Kurt felt that their was a weight off of his shoulders because now that he gave himself time to think about his feelings, Vin was able to find out if his were as strong as he thought. Somehow this made himself feel less conflicted.

Blaine's show that Kurt had previously agreed to go to was on Friday and Puck agreed to go with Kurt for moral support. Plus, he wanted to prove to Kurt that he was right about Blaine still having feelings for him.

"How are you so sure?" Kurt asked in the taxi.

"Okay. So, you know how you told me that Blaine always wrote songs based on you and him?"

"Yes."

"Well, if he'd anticipating you to be there, he'd sing a song or two that would essentially be the same thing."

"Do you think I made that agreement with Vin because I subconsciously want to be with Blaine?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Does it sound that way?"

"Kind of. Why did you get back together with him in the first place?"

"I'm not sure anymore. I was impressed with how hard he worked on himself and I thought it was romantic what he did to prove to me he can be better. Also I was lonely. It's not like I didn't care about him. I did and I do. I care a lot about him."

"But you'd rather be with Blaine?"

"God, I don't know! That's not even what I'm thinking about. What I'm thinking about is not hurting Vin and what might be best for me. And it just happens to be during the same time that Blaine re-enters my life."

"Okay, then let me ask you this. Would you have thought these same things if Blaine hadn't walked into the coffee shop that day?"

Kurt chewed on his bottom lip. "I don't know. Maybe eventually I might have thought about it. But then again, maybe I wouldn't have."

"Either way, it doesn't completely matter because it is happening and you are now in an open relationship with Vin and Blaine is back in your life and you are very confused about your feelings for both guys. But if you want my opinion-"

"I do."

"I think that you want what's best for Vin because what you said to Vin was right. He needs to see what he's missing. In essence, you're his first real relationship despite having relations with other people. He needs to see what's out there. It's all fine and sweet that he loves you, but the fact is that he loves someone who cheated on him."

Kurt looked down at his toes. He still wasn't okay with having done that. "You're right."

"I'm not saying this to hurt you or bother you, but he lied to you about who he was and you lied to him about your feelings. You both lead each other to believe things that weren't true."

"I do love him. I never lied about that."

"But he thought you were in love with him. You're not. Or, at least, if you are, it's not obvious. I'm sorry if I'm wrong." Kurt didn't answer. "Although, in all honesty, he's got a hell of a way of showing he's in love with you too. I think you're both confused. I wouldn't be surprised is he's hiding more things from you. I mean, look how easy it was to hide Blaine from him. You never know what he could be hiding from you. It took you how long to realize that he was who he was back in Vermont?"

Kurt waved his hand. He didn't want to be having this conversation anymore. He want to believe the best in Vin and think that Vin had changed and wasn't doing anything like Kurt had done. This was where the thought of Vin being with someone else made Kurt feel like he was doing the wrong thing. He wasn't exactly jealous, but maybe that was because he was made to believe that Vin wanted him above all else. Also, he believed Vin when he said that he'd agree to an open relationship as long as sex was off the table.

They got to the bar and Kurt thought it was strange when he approached the doorman and was issued a bracelet when he was given his ID back. The doorman said that tonight was special and people seventeen years old and older were allowed in, but the twenty-one and older wore bracelets that let the bartenders know that they were allowed alcohol.

The inside of the bar was bustling and there weren't too many younger aged people, but there were enough that they stuck out like a sore thumb. Blaine's band was just setting up and Kurt watched Blaine carry on three guitars and their stands before Blaine noticed Kurt was there and he waved,

Kurt thought it was strange because usually, Puck could have been counted on to already be searching for women to hit on and try to take home, but instead, he bought Kurt and himself a drink and stayed with him.

"Mr. Hummel?" A younger voice asked while Puck and Kurt were talking.

Kurt turned at the sound because almost no one called him Mr. Hummel and more of the people who did were… Shit, my students are here, Kurt thought. He nonchalantly put his drink down in a way he hoped he wasn't seen drinking by a student and turned toward the voice. "Tiffany, hi!" he said with a smile.

"Hi!"

"What are you doing here?" Tiffany was formerly Tyler and now taking hormone injections and living as a young woman. She was one of Kurt's students and he saw her often because, while her parents are supportive, they still don't quite understand and Kurt talked to them regularly.

"Some friends and I came to see the band. My brother is the keyboard player." She pointed at a table of same aged teens, who were all looking at him.

He waved, feeling incredibly awkward that he was at a bar, talking to an underage student. He had to remind himself that Blaine was no longer the keyboard player. "Oh. Fun."

Tiffany noticed the man standing next to Kurt and looking at him every now and then. "I hope I'm not interrupting. I'll let you get back to your… friend."

Puck laughed and turned to face them both. He'd never been confused for being with Kurt before. "Oh! Noah, this is Tiffany. She's a student of mine. She's sitting at a table with some more students of mine." Puck laughed again.

"Nice to meet you," Puck smiled sweetly at her.

Tiffany blushed and wore the sweetest smile. Clearly she now had an instant crush on Puck. It wouldn't be the first time someone instantly crushed hard on Noah Puckerman. "N-Nice to meet you too. D-do you know the band that's playing?"

"I've seen them before," Puck answered with a voice that Kurt thought was adorably kind. It was the first time where Kurt could picture Puck as a father one day. He had a little girl already, but he and Quinn Fabray, Finn's ex girlfriend, gave her up for adoption when they were in high school because they were too young. "But he's friends with some of the band members." Puck motioned to Kurt with his hand.

"You are?" Tiffany looked back to Kurt.

"Well, I'm friends with one of the band members and I sort of know a few others."

"Which one?"

"Blaine. The back-up guitarist and vocalist. Nick and Jeff are his room mates so I know them by extension too. I know Matty enough to call him an acquaintance I guess."

"Blaine is so dreamy! Don't you think so?"

Kurt raised his eyebrows and Puck laughed. "That's not very appropriate for me to answer, is it?" He was kind, but he had to say that.

"Oh yeah. Student/teacher relationship appropriateness. Sorry."

Kurt smiled. "Enjoy your night, Tiffany."

"Thanks. You too." She did a quick wave and went back to her friends.

"Blaine is sooo dreamy," Puck mimicked. "Don't you think so, Mr. Hummel?"

Kurt turned toward Puck and gently slapped his arm. "Don't."

"Is something wrong, Mr. Hummel? Am I being inappropriate?"

Kurt smiled. "I will hurt you." They both laughed and Kurt slid his beer over to Puck. "I don't feel right drinking in a place where my students can see me."

"More for me."

Blaine

"We are not playing that song," Matty adamantly stated to Blaine.

"Why not?"

"Because it's about Kurt. I know he's in the crowd. He has a boyfriend and he chose him over you a long time ago."

"Mind your own fucking business, Matty. Why the fuck do you care if the song is about Kurt or not? And for the record, it's not completely about Kurt. None of my songs are completely about him."

"Blaine, seriously. Is this your way of trying to get him back?"

"I said, mind your own fucking business. This isn't about you and it's a good song."

"Well, this is my band and I say no."

"Funny, because even though you formed the band and footed the bill for half of our equipment, you've written none of our songs and do nothing but stick your nose in other people's business while you take lead and accept credit for everything."

"Fine! You wanna call the shots and do what I do? You wanna act all high and mighty while you make moon eyes at a guy who doesn't want you, go ahead. You'll be doing it without me."

"Dude, why are you taking this personally?" Jeff asked, trying to squash the fight that was erupting in the back room of the bar, minutes before going on stage. "Whatever he does with his life is his deal."

"It's interfering with the band."

"Like hell it is!" Blaine shouted. "You've been spending all your time and skipping practices to be with a chick who's using you."

"Fuck you, Anderson!" Matty advanced on Blaine, but Jeff and their new keyboard player, Chris, got between them. He backed off and looked at Nick, Jeff, and Chris. "So, this is it? You're taking his side?"

"There's no side, Dude," Chris said. "We just don't get it."

"And Blaine's right. You think Kurt's coming between the band, but you're the one not coming to practices," Jeff added.

"Of course you jump to his aid. You and Anderson might as well be fucking."

That was the wrong thing to say. Blaine made a move to go after Matty in his rage, but Nick blocked him and everyone froze when Jeff punched Matty in the jaw and sent Matty falling to the floor. "Asshole! Don't put your problems with that slut your fucking on Blaine. And don't you thinking for one fucking second that you can judge anyone because you're a trust fund baby who acts like a dick most the time. Oh poor you! You live like a starving artist with thousands in the bank and have a girlfriend who's had her number written in every men's room in Manhattan."

Matty yelled and charged Jeff. This time Nick and Chris weren't fast enough and Matty tackled Jeff to the ground. There were fast enough to peel Matty off with Blaine's assistance before Matty had a chance to do damage to Jeff. "Fuck you!"

"Dude, just go. Get out of here. Cool off and we'll deal with this some other time." Chris was trying to moderate.

"Fine. You know what? Fuck all of you. See how well you do without me." He shrugged himself out of Chris' hands and grabbed his guitar. He dragged his thumb across his bottom lip and found that his lip was bleeding. He grunted and stomped off out the back door to the alley.

Blaine helped Jeff up and helped wipe some dirt of the back of his shirt. "You okay?"

"Yeah. You?" Jeff asked.

"Yeah. I'm good. You didn't have to do that. I'm sorry you got tackled."

Jeff grinned and clapped Blaine on the back. "Dude, we're brothers. I wasn't gonna see some guy treat my bro like that."

"Thanks, man."

"No prob. Besides, you're gonna kill it out there tonight. I know it. You're a better singer than him anyway."

Blaine apologized to Nick and Chris even though they told him that he didn't need to because Matty was the one in the wrong and was just mad and taking it out on Blaine. After a few more minutes they decided they were ready to go on stage because they were already late at this point and Blaine and the rest of the guys came up with a set list together. No one else cared about which songs were sung and who they were written about.

Blaine sang lead and they sang mostly some older songs that Chris had gotten used to and some new ones. Near the end of their set, Blaine started talking to the crowd more than he had been. "I'd like to invite Nick, front and center to sing something for you. He usually spends his time in the background, but we thought we'd show his pretty face and vocal chords off."

Nick put his sticks down and took Blaine's place. Chris left his keyboard and picked up a guitar. Blaine pulled out a violin from behind one of the guitar stands.

"Hey everybody," Nick greeted as he smiled. "I'm Nick. I'm going to be singing a new one for you. We hope you like it. It's called Give Me Love."

Chris did the count off and started plucking and strumming the guitar gently. Blaine joined in with the violin after a few bars and then Jeff to add a beat. Nick came in softly with his baritone voice.

Give me love like her,

'Cause lately I've been waking up alone

Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt,

Told you to let them go,

And that I'll fight my corner

Maybe tonight I'll call ya,

After my blood turns into alcohol,

No, I just wanna hold ya.

Blaine's eyes were closed, trying to focus on playing the first instrument he ever learned to play. He was quite proud of the song that he wrote. Nick's voice fit it perfectly. It was simple in words and completely loaded with meaning. This was the song that Matty and Blaine argued about. Originally, Blaine was going to sing it, but after Matty left, Blaine asked Nick to. He knew it well because Blaine wrote it with him. There was originally a drum part, but it was so miniscule that the song could be done with or without it.

Give a little time to me or burn this out,

We'll play hide and seek to turn this around

All I want is the taste that your lips allow

My, my, my, my, Oh give me love

My, my, my, my, Oh give me love

My, my, my, my, Oh give me love

My, my, my, my, Oh give me love

My, my, my, my, give me love

Blaine chanced opening his eyes and scanning for Kurt. He found him immediately and quickly looked away. Kurt was having a hard time not staring at Blaine as well.

Give me love like never before

'cause lately I've been craving you more,

And it's been a while, but I still feel the same

Maybe I should let you go

You know I'll fight my corner

And that tonight I'll call ya

After my blood is drowning in alcohol

No I just wanna hold ya.

The song really was about Kurt. Blaine wrote it shortly after his and Kurt's more permanent split. He wrote it as therapy for himself to get over what happened. He often fell asleep each night after drinking too much wine or vodka tonics. He hadn't intended to use alcohol to drown his sorrows, but after that phase passed he realized that's what he was doing. He'd come accustomed to walking into his house after work and handing his phone over to Nick and telling him not to give it back until the morning because when he was drunk, he wanted to call Kurt and tell him how much he missed falling asleep with him in his arms and wake up with the taste of Kurt still on his lips.

Give a little time to me or burn this out

We'll play hide and seek to turn this around

All I want is the take that your lips allow

My, my, my, my, Oh give me love

Give a little time to me, or burn this out

We'll play hide and seek to turn this around

All I want is the taste that your lips allow

My, my, my, my, Oh give me love

My, my, my, my, Oh give me love

My, my, my, my, Oh give me love

My, my, my, my, Oh give me love

My, my, my, my, Oh give me love

It had almost a contra dance or Celtic feel to the song and two thirds through the song, the rest of the band joined in to sing back-up, even Blaine as he played the violin, in a lower register, while Nick became increasingly more passionate with the lyrics until it came to a soft end.

When the song ended, Kurt was completely entranced with how beautiful despite the somberness of the words were and he was clapping madly with everyone else. It was at that point that Puck leaned over and whispered to Kurt. "I rest my case."

"What?" Kurt asked. "Nick sang that song."

"Blaine wrote it. It's got his style all over it."

"So."

"It's about you."

"You don't know that. Nick could have written it and if Blaine really wanted me to know this was for me, then he would have sang it himself."

"Maybe he doesn't want you to know."

"And if he doesn't want me to know then he's telling me that stay away."

"No."

"I'm not going to stay around him and ruin whatever happiness he has after what I pulled with him."

Kurt and Pucked stayed and listened to the band play with various people singing lead and their knew keyboard player had a pretty good voice. It wasn't until Blaine took lead again after announcing their last song that Kurt believed that Blaine was actually singing right to Kurt about Kurt. He knew because this was the song that Blaine was constantly playing around with when he was living with Kurt. There were never words, just a tune, but clear as day, Kurt knew it. It wasn't an accident that Blaine sang it at a show that Kurt was invited to, it was a calculated move and it was an obvious one.

Blaine

After speaking things over before going on stage with Nick, Jeff, and Chris, Blaine made the decision to make the last song "This," which he wrote a long time ago. He had begun to write it while he was living with Kurt, but he never told Kurt the words he had put to it. He knew that if he sang it and Kurt remembered it, he'd know how Kurt felt about him. Ever since he saw Kurt in the coffee shop this week, everything he worked past when it came to his feelings, came rushing back and he by the time he left the caf�, he no longer cared that Kurt was with Vin. He was going to tell Kurt how he felt and he was going to make sure that he understood. He couldn't let Kurt slip through his fingers again.

Nick was as supportive as he'd always been and was on board with whatever Blaine wanted because he wanted his oldest friend to be happy and despite what everyone else thought of Kurt, he liked him.

Jeff knew what it was like to want someone who doesn't want you back and Blaine stood by him all those years ago when that happened to him, so he was fierce about standing by Blaine now that it was his turn to fight for the person he wanted.

Chris didn't care either way because he just wanted to play music and thought Blaine was an incredible musician and knew what he was doing. As far as purposely singing and playing songs Blaine wrote about Kurt, he didn't care because since, he hadn't known Blaine long, he didn't understand the passion with which he did things. Also, he hadn't known many men as open about their feelings as Blaine was. Either way, he was on board because Blaine, Nick, and Jeff were good guys with big hearts and a lot of talent.

This is start of something beautiful

This is start of something new

You are the one who'd make me lose it all

You are the start of something new, ooh

And I'll throw it all away

Watch you fall into my arms again

And I throw it all away

Watch you fall, now

It was just Blaine out there all by himself and his guitar. He was singing for the crowd, but both he and Kurt knew it was just for Kurt. Who else would this song be for? Who else would any of Blaine's performances be for? If Kurt was in the audience, Blaine only played to Kurt. He couldn't help it.

You are the earth I will stand upon

You are the words that I will sing, Mmm

And I've thrown it all away

Watched you fall into his arms again

And I've thrown it all away

Watched you fall, now

And take me back

Take me home

Watch me fall, down to earth

Take me back, for

This is start of something beautiful

You are the start of something new

Kurt

Kurt gulped. He didn't know what to do. He suddenly felt scared. He was frightened by his own feelings about what Blaine just sang, knowing it was meant for him. Whatever he thought Blaine meant by saying whatever they had was beautiful but it ended, wasn't what Kurt thought it meant. He was moved, he swooned, he felt the same feelings he felt when he was in Blaine's arms and he felt the same feelings he felt when Blaine's lips were on his. It scared him for all the reasons he was scared to let himself fall for someone. He saw Blaine staring at him when the song was finished and everyone was clapping but Kurt because he was frozen. Their eyes were locked in a conversation with no words and the applause faded away so that it was barely a hum in their ears.

Kurt didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. His body was telling him to run, to leave. His heart was thumping so loudly that it told him to stay.

"Kurt?" Puck asked, interrupting their gaze.

Kurt blinked his eyes, feeling this sting from keeping them open for too long. He glanced from Puck then back to Blaine and Blaine kept his eyes on him, though now he was taking his guitar off and setting it on it's stand.

"You okay?" Puck asked. "You look like you've just seen a ghost or something."

"I-" Kurt took a deep breath, feeling like he was going to hyperventilate. "I shouldn't have come. I have to go." He turned on his feet and started traversing his way around people and groups and tables that were too close together as he headed for the door.

Puck watched Kurt try to rush his way to the exit then turned his head to look at Blaine, still on the stage, watching the same thing.

Blaine jumped off the stage and dashed after Kurt as best he could, pushing past people, while apologizing and saying "Excuse me." He didn't know where Kurt was going, but he did know that Kurt was going in a direction that Blaine didn't want Kurt to be going: away. His size was working to his advantage because it didn't take much effort to get past people and around tables. He knew he was reaching the door faster than Kurt did. When he got outside, it had begun to snow fat snow flakes that stuck to his hair. He looked left and right to see which way Kurt was headed. Kurt was still in sight, walking down the street like every step had purpose. "Kurt!" he hollered. "Kurt!" He took off running. "Kurt stop!"

The sound of Blaine's voice sent a shiver running through his body and he pushed back tears that he wasn't sure why were there. Probably because he was overwhelmed and frightened, but be wasn't about to analyze the cause of tears at the moment. He stopped when he heard Blaine's voice get closer and he turned to face him. Kurt's face was pale and he was shivering from the winter cold.

There was silence at first. Neither Kurt nor Blaine were wearing coats and the snow was melting on their cheeks. Blaine shoved his hands in his jean pockets and Kurt crossed his arms tightly, shivering still. "Y-You s-said we e-ended," he said through chattering teeth.

"I know I did."

There was so much both men wanted to say. Then why doesn't it feel over? Kurt thought

We ended, but we aren't finished, Blaine told himself inwardly.

"Th-The song. The l-last one."

"You remember." It wasn't a question. Blaine knew Kurt remembered it.

"It's our song. You p-played that all the t-time for me because you s-said I r-relaxed m-more when you played."

Blaine was quickly chickening out on telling Kurt his feelings. Partly he wasn't saying them because he was being distracted by the cold and seeing how uncomfortable Kurt was with the cold. He was shivering wildly now. He said the first thing he thought of. "We have another show tomorrow." A couple streaks of water from melting snow ran down his face. His curls were now flat on his forehead. He felt like a teenage idiot, not being able to tell someone how he felt about them. True, there was more to it than just words coming out of his mouth. It was more complicated than that, but he still couldn't bring himself to say them.

"Show?" Kurt couldn't manage much else because he was shaking so much from the cold. He only chose that word because he face was scrunched up in confusion. He was worked up over a song and gave Blaine the perfect opportunity to explain anything and/or everything and Blaine changed the subject.

"Will you come? T-tomorrow? It's th-the s-same p-place."

"B-Blaine, you're sh-shivering."

"W-Will you c-come? P-Please?"

Kurt blinked and wiped a snowflake off his eyelashes. When he wrapped his arms around himself tightly again he nodded his head franticly, but he was shivering so hard that he wasn't sure if Blaine knew he was answering or just shaking harder. "O-okay. I'll be there."

Puck rushed up behind them both with Kurt's jacket and scarf in his hands. "Fuck it's cold," he exclaimed. "Dude, don't make me be your dad and tell you to put you're goddamn jacket on before you catch a cold."

Kurt snatched his peacoat and scarf and put them on, frantic to put on more layers for warmth. He was about to put his scarf on when he saw Blaine still standing there shivering. He handed his scarf over. It wasn't much, but it was enough and Blaine would be going back inside soon anyway.

It was thick and knit intricately will angora wool. Blaine wrapped it a couple times and covered his nose for a few seconds because it was freezing. He inhaled and realized it smelled like Kurt's cologne. "Y-You'll be there?" Blaine asked.

"Yes. I'll be there."

"O-Okay."

"You can keep the scarf until tomorrow if you want."

"K-Kay."

"Shit, guys!" Puck exclaimed. "It's fucking cold. I love you both, but if you want to keep talking can you get the fuck inside someplace it's warm?"

"I-I g-gotta go," Blaine confessed. "B-band."

"Kay. S-See you t-tomorrow."

"B-bye."

"Great job tonight, Blaine," Puck called out as Blaine rushed back to the bar. Puck turned back to Kurt. "What's wrong with you gays? So dramatic. You couldn't have that awkward conversation someplace warmer?" He put his arm around Kurt's shoulders and they walked to the corner and hailed a taxi. "We'll go home and make some hot chocolate with mint flavored liquor and you can tell me all about what the fuck just happened. Deal?"

Kurt, a little warmer now, sniffled from the cold and nodded his head, glancing back at the bar and getting into the taxi with Puck.