Kurt

While the split between Kurt and Blaine ended in a civilized, friendly manner, they both subconsciously were spending time away from each other. They'd see each other at work and smile at each other and wave from afar or say "hi, how are you?" in passing, but nothing was said or done beyond that of co-workers.

Kurt decided that it was time he put extra effort into his relationship with Vin and he called more often, Skyped almost every night, and even made plans to go visit. It was difficult, at first, coming home alone after work and then going to bed alone, but he got himself through it. Surprisingly, though, he started to notice Puck looking at him more often and saying things to him less.

"What?" Kurt asked one night, when he'd had enough.

"Nothing," Puck answered and took a bite of pizza.

"Don't 'nothing' me. You've been doing this for days and it's creeping me out."

"Doing what?"

"You know. The silent treatment. The looks like you see right through me. What gives?"

"I'm just curious how you're taking things without Blaine here." He brought his beer bottle to his lips and took a swig.

Kurt scoffed. "Fine." His annoyed expression was enough to tell Puck that Kurt wished he didn't ask.

"Okay." Puck left it at that because he figured Kurt would say more once he wanted to and he finished his slice of pizza.

"Okay? That's it? You pry as much as a woman, Puckerman. Why do you think I'd be not taking Blaine going back to his house well?"

Puck took the last swig of his beer and opened another bottle. "Because he spent every night in your room and I haven't even seen him around here or heard you on the phone with him since he left last week. I'd imagine if you two were together, you'd either spend more time there or he'd still be here."

"We're not together," Kurt corrected as he looked down at his salad. "How did you know he slept in my room?"

Puck laughed. "Kurt, really? I do occasionally go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I have to walk right past the couch to get there. It's kind of easy to see if someone is there or not. Most mornings I'd wake to go to work and it was obvious that those sheets weren't even touched. I'm not as dumb as you think, Dude."

Kurt closed his eyes and breathed though his nose. It almost felt better that someone knew. He didn't have to keep his affair pent up inside. It didn't make his guilt go away, but at least it was his friend and roommate and not someone else. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you're a big boy and it's none of my business. I'm only asking now because you look like you're sort of just going through the motions of things and not really caring too much about what you're doing?"

"I care! Believe me I care about what I did. It wasn't all la-dee-da."

"-No, no, no. That's not what I meant. I meant that you're acting like you're missing something now. When Vin is here, you are passionate about even the littlest things. When Blaine is here, you almost never stop smiling. Now, I never see you smile and you never go out."

"You make it seem like I need a man to be happy."

"I don't know if that's true, but I know that you aren't happy when Blaine isn't in your life."

"He is in my life. I see him at work."

"And out of work?"

Kurt twisted his tongue on the inside of his mouth and bit down on it gently. "I need to let go of Blaine a little if I want my relationship with Vin to work."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not myself with Blaine."

"Or maybe you're more yourself with him than you think?"

"I'm a cheater when I'm with Blaine. I've always been painfully devoted until now. I forget about everything and lose myself in being with him."

"If you weren't with Vin, then you wouldn't be a cheater and you'd just be on the road of falling in love with him."

"What are you talking about? I can't leave Vin."

"But you can cheat on him?"

"I never said it was right! Just that I did it."

"Look, you've had both guys living here. All I know is that you seemed happier when Blaine was here than you did with Vin."

Kurt licked his teeth behind his lips. He didn't know what to say.

"I think a month isn't time enough for two people to think that living together is a good idea. I know you two are under a time crunch because if he doesn't make a decision before summer ends then he's under contract to stay the whole school year. A month is…take us for example." Kurt raised an eyebrow to signify where the hell are you going with this? "I moved in and after a month, we were just getting comfortable in our own space. I didn't feel like this was my living space until after a month and a half."

"Why not?" Kurt was suddenly concerned that maybe he hadn't made Puck feel welcomed.

"I felt that my bedroom was my space, but everything else had your touch to it. You'd been here for a while and I was intruding."

"I didn't mean to-"

"No. You didn't make me feel that way. It was just the way it was. I was the new guy and we had to learn to live with each other. We learned showering schedules, what foods we mutually liked to eat and which ones we didn't. We learned what pet peeves we had when it came to cleaning and messes. Beyond all that, we had to learn how to communicate and read each other's body language. I had paid my rent, but I wasn't a tenant until after I felt comfortable."

"What does all that have to do with Vin and Blaine?"

"Vin came in and you two had to go through all that as a couple and not just room mates. That's harder because you don't have your own space to get away from him. You share space. It takes a while to learn to live together, but it takes longer to learn to cohabit the same living space because you share everything. Blaine came in and it was like he'd been here forever. You two had no problem immediately slipping into a routine and Blaine had no uncomfortabilities sitting alone with me in the apartment. Vin always seemed uneasy when it was just the two of us in the living room while you were in another room."

"Vin didn't know you and you look a little intimidating."

"Blaine didn't know me either."

"They're two different people."

"And one seems more comfortable with your life than the other. Are you happy with our arangement now?"

"What? You and me?" Kurt asked, not knowing where Puck was going with the question.

"Yeah."

"Sure, I'm happy, Noah. Surprisingly we make great room mates."

"Do you want things to change around here?"

"No. Why would they?"

"If Blaine were part of your life and he really is as comfortable with the way things are things wouldn't change. But if Vin, who never got comfortable with me here and the way you and I had things working, moved in… things would change drasticly because our lives would have to coincide with his. Everything would change. Whether things would change for better or for worse, I don't know, but I, for one, don't want things to change around here. I know you asked how I felt about Vin moving in. I'm totally cool with it. I like him enough and I want you happy, but I like my life. I like our life. I don't want to feel weirded out by a guy who rolls his eyes whenever I stumble in the apartment with a chick on my arm."

"He did that?"

"Yeah. A number of times."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I didn't know the guy and I was more preoccupied with getting laid than stating a point."

"Why not say something to me?"

"I didn't want to start something with you."

"Then why say something now?"

"Because I want you to make sure- very sure- that Vin is the one you really want."

Kurt stopped breathing for a few seconds. Up until now, no one had poised the situation that way. But then again, no one else knew about Kurt's affair. That was always the underlying question, right? Who is the one Kurt really wanted? Vin. Of course, I want Vin. Why wouldn't I want Vin? He is the one I really want…right?

"Just tell me something," Puck continued after moments of Kurt's silence. "Why are you with Vin and why were you with Blaine?"

Kurt put down his fork and pushed his food away. "When I met Vin, my first thought was that he was me if I ever stayed in Lima, well, a slightly more masculine version of me. I liked that for once I had things in common with a guy who was into me. He wasn't exciting like my last boyfriends. In my mind, exciting meant comfortable and wouldn't leave me."

"And now?"

"Now…" He took a deep breath. "He's so much more than what I thought and he's amazing. I love him. "

"Right."

"I do!" Kurt looked annoyed and instantly angry. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look, don't get me wrong, because I like Vin. You're right; he's a great guy, just…I don't know. You two fought constantly and when you weren't fighting you were fucking. It just doesn't seem like the most healthy of relationships."

"We only fought when he was here."

"And that makes it okay? Maybe he shouldn't move in here until you two and have a relationship in New York City. Being around someone as much as two people who live together is so much different than talking to someone over the phone, you know that. I think a month wasn't enough for you two. God, Blaine was here two weeks and how many fights did you two have?"

Kurt saw the potted plant, out of the corner of his eye, that Blaine had knocked over before he left. "One."

"And how did that go?"

"Different than the way Vin and I fight."

"How so?"

"We ended it with laughter."

"And with Vin?"

Kurt eyed Puck cautiously then twisted his lips before answering. "Usually we're a sweaty mess by the end of it, if you catch my drift."

Puck's eyebrows raised and then he sighed. "Well, you have to make a decision."

"I know. Believe me, I know."

"It just seems to me that someone you can laugh off the hard times with is better than someone who solves things with sex."

Kurt squinted. "Noah, you solve things with sex."

"And how many relationships do you see me in? I'm not a good boyfriend. I never have been."

"You were with Lauren Zizes."

"That was almost eight years ago and that only happened because she had the upper hand. I wasn't having sex with her."

"Look, I know you'll choose whoever you think is best, but keep something else in mind, okay?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"If Vin knew what happened with you and Blaine behind his back, would he be the same person to you? Blaine knows you cheated on your boyfriend with him, but still wants you anyway because he trusts you. Don't you think choosing Blaine would be like a breath of fresh air? There are not secrets between you two and more than enough between you and Vin. Blaine knows you. Vin doesn't. How do you even know that the Vin you think you know isn't someone else?"

Puck had a point. Kurt threw back his drink and licked his lips, torn between two realities. He missed them both. He couldn't play either one. But what was his relationship with Vin? Sex. When they were together, there was lots of that. Somehow, in the time they'd known each other, they'd grown to fall for each other. Kurt loved Vin; he did, but there was a part of him whispering that he wasn't in love with him. Kurt wasn't sure if he was ready to believe that. Sometimes he felt he was in love with Vin and sometimes he felt that he just loved him, but he couldn't tell Vin that. In many ways they were still getting to know each other because they spent more time apart than they did together.

Then there was Blaine. Kurt still couldn't pin point what it was that made him gravitate toward that man. Sure, he was hot and sexy, but there were plenty of those types in the city. There was something else that he couldn't put his finger on. He couldn't touch it and he couldn't see it. It was just something he felt that didn't have words for. It didn't make the way he wanted Vin any less, but he wanted Blaine in every way possible. He wanted to make eyes at him across a table and get goose bumps from his touch. He wanted to nuzzle into Blaine's neck and he wanted to feel Blaine's tongue against his own. Kurt was ashamed to admit it, but after everything else that he wanted with Blaine, he wanted to make love with him soft and slow.

Kurt kept telling himself that he shouldn't want that because he had Vin. He had amazing sex with his boyfriend and worthwhile conversations, but the more time Kurt had spent with Blaine, it seemed that there was something lacking in his relationship with Vin. The spark was still there. The connection was still there, but the flame just wasn't burning as bright as it used to. Maybe ending it with Blaine would bring back the ignition and Kurt would remember everything he had forgotten about why he chose to take a chance on Vin in the first place. He just wished he could be certain.

Blaine

Blaine was surprised at how easy it was to hide his real feelings for not being Kurt's choice. He felt that it was only obvious how he felt when he was writing his music or when he was alone. When Blaine was alone, every thought was about Kurt and how Blaine should have seen it coming. He thought about how beautiful Kurt was and how stupid Blaine was for letting himself get between Kurt and Vin because now he may have lost any connection he might have had with Kurt. Sure, they said they'd be friends, but would that even be possible? They had a link to each other on a level that couldn't be seen or expressed, but all that was for nothing because Blaine couldn't stop himself from acting on his feelings.

He knew they needed space. He stopped calling and texting Kurt and stopped going to see him at the box office during his breaks. He stopped sitting across or next to him at lunch. Now their friendship slipped back to one between acquaintances: a smile in passing, maybe a hello if they were in the right proximity. Maybe they'd be able to forget about their little two week affair one day, or, at least, maybe they'd be able to forget enough to be friends again. Blaine hoped for that latter. He didn't want to forget what it felt like to sleep with his arms wrapped around Kurt Hummel, or exchange chaste kisses at tender moments. He didn't want to forget any of it, but if forgetting meant that he got to keep Kurt in his life, Blaine was willing to try. At the very least, he was willing to pretend.

He didn't see it as weakness. Blaine was willing to do all these things because he was physiologically drawn to Kurt. He was sure of it. He had to be near him and he had to have him in his life, which ever way Kurt wanted to be in it. Meeting Kurt had been a turning point in Blaine's life. He was transformed once again from one person to another and it was all because he'd met Kurt Hummel.

Blaine began spending time with a girl in the orchestra named Paulina. She played the cello and they talked a few times about how she was in a band and played the base guitar as well. He invited her over to his house to jam with him on his day off in hopes that she'd hit it off with Jeff. Paulina was adorable and petite. She was exactly Jeff's type. Jeff was working though and Blaine had to keep her occupied enough until he came home.

Nick decided to join them and he tapped away at the drums to the songs that he knew and was oddly quiet despite the fact that Paulina was his type too. They had more things in common than Nick's current girlfriend.

Jeff soon joined them around two and just as Blaine predicted, they hit it off right away. By six the four of them were playing around with a Taylor Swift song called Hey Stephen and afterwards, Jeff nonchalantly asked Paulina to go with him to pick up dinner.

The two left and Nick still hadn't said anything and Blaine was a little suspicious. "Okay, what gives?" he asked. "You barely said four sentences to me today."

"That song. Hey Stephen," Nick began.

"Yeah. What about it?"

"The way you sang it, you'd think it'd be called Hey Kurt."

"What? ! You're crazy." Blaine stood up and put his guitar on it's stand.

"Seriously. I'm not trying to be mean or get in your business or anything, but you suck at hiding your feelings for him."

Blaine had no idea how Nick saw straight through him. Nick had only seen Kurt a handful of times and Blaine doubted that Nick knew anything about Kurt and his affair. "What are you talking about?"

"Blaine, you've given it an honest effort, buddy." Nick laughed. "But do you really think that no one sees how you look at him? How at the last minute you seemed to have moved in with him? You were happier, giddy even, during those two weeks. Now, when you think no one's looking, you sulk. When Kurt brought Vin to our shows, you looked away whenever Vin made a pass at his own boyfriend."

Blaine gulped and his face fell a little. He'd been found out. His eyes flitted away for a moment and they settled back on Nick. He crossed his arms across his chest. "Okay, so I have a crush on him-"

"It's more than a crush. Something happened between the two of you, I know it."

"It's…" he was about to say 'it's nothing,' but ended with "it's none of your business."

"You're right. It isn't, but whatever you're doing to yourself isn't healthy and I'm trying to come from a caring place."

"What do you mean, it isn't healthy?" Blaine got defensive. "I'm hanging out with you guys. I'm hanging out with people from work. Fuck, I just set Jeff up with an awesome girl from work. I'm not curling in a ball and crying myself to sleep. I'm not listening to sad songs. Everything I'm doing it completely healthy and you don't know what you're talking about. What the fuck, man?"

Nick took Blaine's words in strides because he understood why Blaine would be getting upset. "You're not trying to get over him. I know it. You're distracting yourself. The way you just sang that song with Paulina alone tells me that it's pretty much a self narrative."

"She chose the song!"

"Dude, I can give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose?" Nick quoted. "All those other girls are beautiful , but would they write a song for you? You're going to sit there and, with a straight face, tell me that isn't exactly what you're doing?"

The anger left Blaine's face instantly and his eyes fell to the floor. The saliva felt hot as he swallowed audibly then stuck the tip of his tongue between his lips. He sucked it back in, making a smacking noise, and put his hands on his hips. "I didn't know I was that transparent," he said finally. He gave up trying to hide. He'd been caught in the web of lies he tried to spin.

"Maybe not to everyone, but to me… Blaine, we were kids together. You're one of my best friends. It would be wrong for me or any of the other guys in this house not to notice what's going on with you. You gonna tell me what's going on?"

Blaine fell silent as he stared at one of his closest friends. His eyes dried and then quickly welled a little. They became shiny and glossy like a sheen of water across a solid surface. He thought of not being Kurt's choice and how he can't touch, or hold, or kiss Kurt anymore. He thought about what it meant for him to not even be able to look at him the same way anymore because the way he usually looks at him is with affection and anticipation like being right on the precibus of something wonderful. He'd put up a good front, almost convinced himself that he'd be okay. That he was okay, but he wasn't. Kurt wasn't his and it hurt.

Nick looked at Blaine for a good three seconds and took in Blaine's body language before making his way over to him and embracing him like a brother. "Dude," he said for lack of anything else to say in comfort. He didn't know how to comfort yet because he didn't know the situation.

"H-he chose Vin. He chose someone else. Not me," Blaine choked out. He sniffled, feeling the ooze starting to happen and he knew he was going to cry over a guy for the first time in a very very long time.

They heard footsteps rushing up the stairs, but Blaine didn't move and Nick just kept holding him. "Hey ladies, Jeff texted me you were jamming without me. Where's the music-" Matty appeared in the doorway and stopped in his tracks when he saw Blaine and Nick. "Everything okay?" he asked.

Blaine left Nick's arms and wiped his eyes before turning to Matty with a splotchy face. "I have to tell you something."

All three guys grabbed various pieces of furniture in the music room and sat in a triangle shape to listen to Blaine's story. He told them everything from meeting Kurt and how he felt when he saw him, to their conversations when he stayed at Kurt's apartment; every kiss, every date, and every last word before he left.

Nick seemed understanding. Probably because he knew Blaine the best, but Matty immediately took the side of Tough Guy. "What a bitch," Matty said when Blaine was done. "Dude, you don't want that. I know you think you do, but he cheated on his boyfriend and he'll probably cheat on you. Fuck him, man. He's a slut."

Blaine got angry again. "Don't talk about him like that. I know you think saying that is helping, but it's not. You don't know him. He's not a slut and he's not a bitch."

"Why are you defending him? He's a fucking cheater and a liar and he played you. Why aren't you the one saying those things?"

"Because none of it is true. I mean, yes, he cheated on Vin and lied to him, but he never once lied to me. We were honest from the very start and he didn't lead me on. I knew there was the possibility that he might not choose me. The honest truth right now is that even though I knew he might not have chosen me, I still wanted him to. That's what hurts. That he didn't choose me. Not that I didn't see this coming. So, please don't bash him and think that it'll make me feel better because it won't."

"Would getting laid make you feel better? Because that always helps me," Matty offered as help. He was both serious and joking. Nick rolled his eyes because that was a stupid thing to suggest to Blaine. He knew Blaine through Blaine's slutty phase and sex never solved anything for Blaine. "It'd be fun. We can all go to a bar and pick out a nice twink for you to fuck and then ditch in the A.M."

Blaine rubbed his eyes and dragged his fingers down his cheeks. "Um… thanks? But, um… no thanks."

"Why not, man?"

Nick nudged Matty.

"Th-that's not my thing."

"But sleeping with someone part of a relationship is?"

"Dude, shut up," Nick shushed Matty. "You're not helping and if he said no, then it's no."

"Fine. I was only trying to help."

Blaine itched his head. "I know. It's fine. I just… I just want to do my own thing and handle this the only way I know how."

"That's cool, Blaine. No worries," Nick said. He was clearly better at comforting his friend than Matty was. Matty was as straight as straight could be and still didn't quite know how to have gay friends. He just thought all men were the same.

But Blaine wasn't the same. He was sensitive underneath his strength and was still a little innocent despite all the reality and life he's lived. He expressed himself completely and purely in everyway he knew how because that's who he was. He had feelings so he felt and felt deeply. That was unknown part of the allure of Blaine Anderson. Once a man would get past the original shock and awe of the pure, handsome, sexiness that he exuded, he would immediately be drawn in by Blaine's childlike wonder for all things beautiful. Blaine was beauty, though he didn't know it. That only added to what made everyone fall in love with him. Blaine's only problem with himself at the moment was that the only beauty he saw, was Kurt. Kurt's beautiful outside that matched his beautiful inside. Sure, Kurt had some short comings and made mistakes, but Kurt didn't make those mistakes with moral thrown to the wind. He made them with guilt ridden fear and that made him the same as Blaine: an innocent.

Maybe Kurt didn't want to be forgiven. Maybe he wanted to feel pain because he knew he was hurting other people in the process and felt that that he shouldn't be free of it. Blaine knew. Kurt didn't want to be told that what he was doing was okay because if he believed that it was, then hurting someone, like Vin, that cared about him and possibly loved him, would be acceptable and should Vin's pain should mean nothing. When Kurt's problems came to a fork, he chose the one that would make himself suffer more. He punished himself for caring about two men when he should only care about one.

Blaine was sure that there was more to it, but right now, these thoughts came to him and made things a little more clear. Blaine wasn't the one less wanted. He was just the one that would hold Kurt less accountable for Kurt's wrong doings. Blaine saw that now.