Oct. 21, 2012, 7:18 a.m.
The Chances We Take: Chapter 14
E - Words: 2,883 - Last Updated: Oct 21, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 37/37 - Created: Jun 02, 2012 - Updated: Oct 21, 2012 520 0 0 0 0
Three weeks had passed since Vin moved in for their trial run. Kurt quickly found out that not everything would be as happy as he thought. Vin visiting was one thing. Living there was something else entirely. Vin left wet towels on the floor in their bedroom, complained about the reality TV shows that Kurt watched, and left the TV on while he slept instead of setting a sleeping timer for it to turn off. Kurt hated that because he preferred to sleep in silence and the longer the TV was on, the more electricity was being used and Kurt and Puck's bill would go up. At first these things were easy to overlook, then it became a bit harder to ignore when it was an everyday thing. Kurt knew that those were just little things and he shouldn't let thing like that get to him. A wet towel on the floor wasn't something to argue about.
He hadn't hung out alone with Blaine since before Vin moved in, but he saw him at work and had taken Vin to a couple of his band's shows. They had drinks with the band after and it went better than Kurt expected. Based on how jealous Vin was in the weeks before he moved in, he though Vin would be clingy or something, but he wasn't. He was charming and social with everyone, including Blaine. They had a lot of similar interests, so they ended up chatting for nearly a half hour. Afterwards, Vin had nothing, but nice things to say about Blaine and apologized for being so short with him before about spending so much time with Blaine.
But even then, those couple nights wouldn't be enough to stop the eruption that would happen three weeks after Vin moved in. While Vin liked Blaine and was happy that Kurt enjoyed his job and had a friend, he was starting to harbor a new jealousy. Kurt would come home from work with a face full of smiles and beginning chatting about Blaine. Blaine seemed to be a popular topic for Kurt to talk about. If Blaine called, it didn't matter what Kurt and Vin were doing, Kurt would stop to talk to him. He would do the same with text messages. And while it was nice of Blaine to make a point to invite not only Kurt, but Vin to his band's shows, he didn't understand why Kurt had to go to everyone. They only went to a couple so far, but Vin seemed to be getting his fill of the sweet faced man with beautiful eyes.
Vin liked Blaine; he really did and had nothing against him, but he was beginning to think that Kurt was more pre-occupied with Blaine sometimes. It bothered him. Kurt was never like this. He missed being able to spend time with Kurt and make everything about themselves. Now it seemed that Blaine was there even when he wasn't.
One night, Vin had hoped to get that back by planning a romantic night out for him and Kurt. He made reservations at a fancy restaurant, he bought Kurt flowers and chocolate, which he hid in his car to surprise Kurt with, he even cleaned the entire apartment so that Kurt didn't have to worry about anything when he came home from work. Vin thought he planned everything down to the very last detail and was confident that Kurt would love it. Vin was proud of himself for organizing the whole thing. The last thing he expected was what actually happened.
"I already told Blaine we'd go to his show," Kurt informed. He and Vin were arguing once again. They'd been doing that more increasingly as the month progressed. Bickering had become a near daily thing and a full blown fight was a once a week event. It always ended the same. Neither one would back down on their argument, they'd agree to spend some time in different parts of the apartment and come back to talk calmly and rationally an hour later. It wasn't long after that when one of them found themselves being fucked into the mattress and screaming the other's name. In a sweaty mess afterward, they always laughed and agreed that make-up sex was well worth the fighting.
This time, Blaine invited Kurt and Vin to another one of his band's shows and Vin had other ideas of what to do with their evening. "But I made reservations."
"If you want to go out to dinner, we can go someplace else, at a different time, and make Blaine's show."
"No. I made reservations at this specific place. Is it so bad that I want to take you to a classy restaurant instead of hanging out in a dingy bar?"
"You didn't mind hanging out in the dingy bar for his last two shows. In fact, you spent a large chunk of time talking to him and only him. So, what's the problem with changing things around?"
"Because I don't want to. I want to take you to this place and I don't want to go to Blaine's concert."
"Well, I want to go to Blaine's concert."
"Why? Don't you see him enough?"
"He's my friend. Friends support each other."
"Does he not have any other friends? You seem to be the only one that goes."
"His friends are in the band."
"I just don't understand why it's you that has to be there. For once, I would like to take you out to a really nice place."
"For once? !" Kurt began to raise his voice. "I took you to see a Broadway show your first week here."
"And it was lovely, Babe, it really was, but you missed the point. I want to take you out. I want to take you somewhere nice where I can show you off and make swooning eyes at you across a candle lit table."
"That sounds great, Vin. I would love to do that… tomorrow. I don't understand. It's just dinner plans. Why are you so hooked on dinner?"
"Why are you so hooked on seeing Blaine perform?"
For some reason, Vin's rhetorical question made Kurt both guilty and more angry. "It's just reservations! Reservations can be canceled!"
"So can plans!"
"The restaurant's feelings won't be hurt if we reschedule for another night."
"And Blaine's feelings will?"
Kurt felt it again and his words got caught in his throat. He stuttered as a new sentence pushed past his lips. "I-I don't know. Maybe."
Vin huffed. "I can't believe this. I doubt he'll care that much. You have a life outside of being his friend. He'll get over it."
"It's rude! I already told him we'd be there!"
"You didn't consult me at all."
"Neither did you on dinner."
"I wanted to surprise you."
"With dinner?" Kurt contorted his face. "Why? !"
Vin raised his hands and dropped them down by his sides, his hands slapping against his legs and making a loud noise. "Because I wanted to create a romantic night where I could tell you that I'm in love with you!" He yelled. There was a pause and Vin bit his tongue. "You know, you were so concerned with not hurting Blaine's feelings, but did you once consider that you were hurting mine? Did you stop and think for one second about I did so that we could have a night that is just for us?"
Kurt froze and his expression immediately fell. He felt guilty. One hundred percent guilty for being so selfish. He saw what Vin was trying to do with the fancy restaurant, but failed to see why. He was too busy focusing on himself and what he wanted and seeing Blaine that he forgot to care about what Vin wanted. "Vin, I… I'm-" Kurt gulped, and turned his eyes down, shaking his head for a moment before lifting his head again.
Vin looked tired now and let down. He sighed in defeat and looked Kurt square in the eyes because this was not how he had planned to tell Kurt that he loved him for the first time. He'd wanted to tell Kurt that he loved him so many times before, but was never able to come up with the words because he didn't feel it was the right time or special enough. But here they were, in their worst argument to date, and Vin just blurted it out like it didn't matter. He used it as a tool to throw in Kurt's face. He didn't mean to do that, but it came out anyway. He felt awful. Vin was still angry too because Kurt was so pre-occupied with being there for Blaine and not wanting to be there for Vin. It made him jealous and upset and feel helpless because he loved the man in front of him and there was nothing he could do about how he felt. These feelings were thrust upon him without his permission and were going to keep coming. He bit down on his bottom lip and turned, heading for the door.
"Where are you going?" Kurt called out, his voice squeaking.
"For a walk," Vin answered.
Kurt wanted to tell Vin to stay, just stay, but he knew Vin needed time to himself. He could feel his eyes begin to sting. He walked toward Vin a little. "When will you be back?" His voice was calmer, more careful and tentative now.
"I don't know." He reached the door.
"You forgot your phone," Kurt said when the door opened.
Vin turned back, looking even more tired still, shrugged his shoulders, and said, "Oops." He turned back and walked out the door. The door wasn't slammed, but there was more than the normal volume sounding from the click of it closing.
Kurt found a seat and sat down, putting his head in his hands. "What am I doing?" Kurt asked himself aloud. He wasn't handling things as well as he thought. He was still focusing on Blaine and slowly forgetting about Vin. He told himself he couldn't do that. He had to be with Vin. He had to be. He couldn't hurt him. Vin was a safe, loving, responsible choice. After all this time, Kurt still couldn't get Blaine out of his head. He tried and tried, but the only thing that made Kurt stop thinking about him was Vin. Vin was the kind of person that Kurt felt he should be with. There was nothing wrong with a choice like Blaine, but something was telling Kurt that he had to choose Vin. Vin would never betray him and Vin would never hurt him. Vin would love him. Vin did love him; he proved it just now. "How did I get myself into this mess?"
Blaine
Blaine kept checking his phone and looking into the audience. He looked nervous and anxious. The later the time ticket away, the more anxious he got.
"You doing okay?" Nick asked.
Blaine was ringing his hands together. "Yeah. Fine." He took a deep breath. "Kurt and Vin are supposed to be here."
"You really wanna sing the new song tonight?"
"Yes. I do. It turned out great."
"It's about Kurt."
"Loosely based."
"Pretty close to reality, if you ask me."
"Well, I'm not."
Nick lifted his hands in surrender. "Okay. Forget I said anything."
Matty walked up behind them both and announced that they had to go on. Blaine took another deep breath and walked out on stage with his band. He scanned the audience with his eyes for the hundreth time and knew that Kurt wasn't there. Blaine wondered where he could be because Kurt said he wouldn't miss it. He tried to be hopeful. He was really just worried because he wanted Kurt to hear his new song. He didn't know what kind of reaction Kurt would have, or even if he'd know it was for him, but he wanted to sing it to him nevertheless.
The first half hour passed and Kurt was still a no show. He texted Kurt at their intermission, but Kurt never responded. When they had ten minutes left to their set, Blaine had lost all hope that Kurt would come at all.
Matty announced Blaine and Blaine took the front and center spot on the stage, switching places with Matty. He took a breath and scanned the audience again. No Kurt. His heart sank.
Everyone's around, no words are coming out.
And I can't find my breathe, can we just say the rest with no sound.
And I know this isn't enough, I still don't measure up.
And I'm not prepared, sorry is never there when you need it.
And I do want you know I hold you up above everyone.
And I do want you know I think you'd be good to me
And I'd be so good to you.
I would.
Flashes of Kurt flickered before him and he pretended that everyone looking back at him was Kurt. He sang harder, really feeling that music and the words he sang, the words he wrote. He meant every one of them.
Thought I saw a sign, somewhere between the lines.
Maybe it's me, maybe I only see, what I want.
But I still have your letter, just got caught between
Someone I just invented, and who I really am and who I've become.
He felt so much emotion right now. He could feel the lump rising in his throat, but he pushed through it and hoped that no one could see the glossy sheen that he knew to be forming over his eyes.
And I do want you know I hold you up above everyone.
And I do want you know I think you'd be good to me
And I'd be so good to you.
Woahh
You bring me higher.
Yeah.
I would.
He started to wonder why. Why couldn't Kurt be his? Why does Vin get to have Kurt when Blaine would be so good to him. He wanted Kurt so badly. He wanted him in his arms and against his lips and so much more. This was agony. Being the supportive friend to the person you want most hurt more than Blaine could bare sometimes.
And I do want you know I hold you up above everyone.
And I do want you know I think you'd be good to me
And I'd be so good to you.
I'd be good to you,
I'd be good to you,
I'd be so good to you...
The final note was played and Blaine closed his eyes. When he opened them he did one last scan of the audience. Kurt was nowhere to be found among the clapping people. A tear rolled down Blaine's cheek and he wiped it away instantly.
Kurt
Kurt sat in his living room, unmoving, for an hour, which turned into two. He kept glancing at his phone on the table next to him. He should have been at the bar and hour and a half ago. Blaine's set was probably almost done or just ending. He received a text from him asking where he was and if everything was alright, but Kurt couldn't answer him. He waited in silence, waiting and waiting.
The apartment door finally opened and Kurt remained in the chair. He didn't want to get his hopes dashed if he stood and saw Puck. He heard the scuffing of shoes on the kitchen tile and when he looked up from his hands, Vin was standing in front of him.
Kurt looked apologetic and saddened. Shades of guilt, regret, and shame were mixed in as well. He opened his mouth to say something, but Vin stopped him. He crouched down to Kurt's level and put his hands on Kurt's knees. "Let's try this again?" Vin's voice was soft and shaky. "Kurt," he exhaled, "you're beautiful and I don't know how I ever got by without having you in my life before we met. I know we've been having our problems lately, trying to figure out how to cohabit together, but that still doesn't change the fact that I'm in love with you." His eyes searched Kurt's, looking for some form of comprehension or understanding. "I love you… Kurt. I love you."
The words were going in his ears, but he didn't seem to understand them. Vin was telling Kurt that he loved him. His mind went momentarily blank and for a second, he though that saying he loved Vin back was like saying a permanent goodbye to Blaine. Although, after how he completely disregarded Vin earlier, Kurt felt that he owed it to Vin to commit to him fully. He'd been trying and failing at keeping Blaine separate from everything else, but maybe he hadn't really been trying at all. Vin was his boyfriend and Kurt felt that he needed to give the relationship a try now that it would be changing from a long distance one. And Vin loved him. Love deserves a chance.
Kurt got down on the floor with Vin and hugged him. "I'm so sorry. You were right about everything and I should have chosen you and thought of your feelings first. I'm sor-" he sniffled and buried his face in Vin's neck. "I'm so sorry, Vin."
Vin held on to Kurt tightly and rubbed his back, shushing him as he caressed him. "It's all right. We'll get through it. This will pass and we'll get better, right?"
"How do you know?" Kurt asked, his voice choked.
"Because I love you."
Kurt backed away and looked Vin in the eyes. Vin was barely smiling, but there was a joy in his expression admitting, finally, that he loved Kurt. Kurt, on the other hand, looked sad and regretful. "I…" He paused, taking a deep breath. "I love you too."