June 1, 2012, 10:40 p.m.
Remember Me, Remember Us: Chapter 6
E - Words: 3,755 - Last Updated: Jun 01, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 22/22 - Created: Jun 01, 2012 - Updated: Jun 01, 2012 238 0 0 0 0
"Oh!" Blaine thought back to the Warbler photos and vaguely remembered seeing this James person. "Hi. Sorry I don't remember you." His comment was nonchalant, like there was nothing he could do about it. His immediate reaction was to feel guilty, but he was taking Kurt's advice and not trying to control the situation. He didn't have his memories and people knew it… oh well.
"It's fine." The boy smiled a crooked grin with perfect teeth. "So, how are you?"
"Um. Okay. All healed up, except for the memory part." He was trying to have what he thought would be a normal conversation, but he was uncomfortable talking to a stranger as if he knew him. In truth, he hated this. Meeting Kurt, Mike, and Tina was much better because he was expecting it. Well, Kurt was a little bit of a surprise, but not by much because he had been told about him, knew what his face looked like from photos, and was hoping to meet him. James was someone he vaguely recognized from one or two photos and was never told anything about him. He seemed nice enough from the past two minutes and his cheery smile, but Blaine still didn't like the situation.
"I see. Well, maybe that isn't such a bad thing." James avoided eye contact when he said that. It almost looked like he was fidgety.
Blaine squinted his eyes in curiosity. "Why?"
"James!" Kurt commanded the taller boy's attention.
James turned and saw Kurt walking toward him and his smiled dropped. "I really should have known you'd be here with Blaine."
"What are you doing?" Kurt asked sternly.
"Re-introducing myself to Blaine. Or do you have a monopoly on his time?" Blaine didn't like the way James was talking to Kurt. He was nice a second ago, but since hearing Kurt's voice, he turned into a jerk. He also didn't understand why Kurt didn't want James talking to Blaine. James' presence really seemed to make Kurt angry. It kind of bothered Blaine because earlier Kurt had told Blaine to stop trying to control everything when it appeared that Kurt was controlling who Blaine gets to see and talk to.
Kurt overlooked the second part of James' comment. "Well that was nice of you. Now you can excuse yourself to Blaine and not come back because for the past five months, you've been fantastic at that."
James glared. "You know, you're not in charge of who he gets to be strangers with."
"There's a reason his parents haven't invited certain people over to see him. Why don't you think about that for once instead of yourself? So, why don't you take your Collin Farrell look-a-like self and leave?" Kurt gestured to the Lima Bean exit.
Blaine looked on, stunned at Kurt, the short one in the argument, having complete control over the situation, despite James looking like he could pummel Kurt.
James glowered at Kurt, then turned to Blaine. "It was really nice seeing you again. I am really glad to see you're all right."
"Thank you." Blaine said before James stormed off and out of the Lime Bean. "Why did you do that?" Blaine asked Kurt. "Jump on him without giving him a chance?"
"I don't know what he was doing, but he's not a friend of yours."
"That really isn't a decision for you to make." Blaine was mad partially because he felt James had a piece of information Blaine might have found useful about his past.
"It wasn't a decision I was making, it's a fact and I was helping. He's not someone you want to associate with."
"Why?"
Kurt thought, biting the inside of his cheek a little too hard by accident. "Blaine, I want to tell you anything you want to know, but some things are better left forgotten. One thing in particular and it involves that jerk, James."
"That doesn't make me not want to know."
"It should. It took forever to get over what he did to us and I'd rather not rehash it. So, just please, I'm begging you. Forget about it."
"Us?"
"You," Kurt corrected. "He did something to you that changed you and me. It was bad. It took a really long time for you and me to come back from that."
"Still not making me not want to know."
"Trust me. You don't want to know this."
"What could he possibly do that could put a wedge between friends?"
Kurt couldn't tell him. He couldn't tell Blaine that James and Blaine got drugged at a party and had sex. He couldn't tell him that Blaine cheated on Kurt that night. He couldn't tell him that James used that knowledge against Blaine to break them up. He couldn't. He just couldn't. Telling Blaine would be telling him that Blaine was not only gay, but not a virgin and once was in a relationship with Kurt, and telling him one of the darkest periods of his life. It would be telling him everything Kurt swore he wouldn't.
"Let's just say that you couldn't help yourself in a particular situation and he used it against you to get to me. That's all I will tell you. You really don't want or need to know the details."
"Why would anyone do that?" Blaine sounded skeptical and almost disbelieving.
"Because he's not a nice person. Like I said, he's not someone you liked to associate with." Kurt took the last sip of his coffee and let the information set in. When he looked back over to Blaine, Blaine looked like he was holding inside a lot of anger. "Look, you want me to treat you like we just met a month ago, or do you want me to help you get back to who you used to be by trying to jog your memory like everyone else?"
"If you and I met a month ago then you wouldn't have known anything about a past history with James."
"You don't want him in your life!"
"Don't tell me what I want!" Neither one of them could tell because they were too focused on each other, but there were too many people in the Lima Bean either blatantly staring at them having a verbal fight with slightly raised voices, or continuously glancing and pretending like they weren't looking.
"I'm trying to help you! He's trash. He can't have you just because you can't remember what he did to you. You forgetting what happened doesn't give him a free pass to have a second chance."
"I don't belong to you! You can't tell me who I can and can't talk to. I'm no one's property!"
That snapped Kurt out of whatever stupor he was in. I don't belong to you. Blaine was more right than he knew. Kurt felt his heart sink at the reminder that Blaine wasn't someone he could call his anymore. He was only trying to help him, but Blaine was right. Kurt had no right to tell Blaine what to do or tell him what was best. James was a bad person for what he did, but he couldn't protect Blaine from everything and everyone. He'd have to make decisions about people on his own. Even if they were people like James who were manipulators. "Can we please change the subject?" He glanced at the clock on the wall. "Actually, we have to because I have to be getting you home for dinner." Kurt had never been happier to rush Blaine back home since the day they met.
They tossed out their cups and left in silence. The car ride was silent and Blaine didn't wait for Kurt to turn the engine off when he hopped out of the passenger side of the car once they parked in his driveway. When they got back to the Anderson residence, Kurt walked in with Blaine, who still wasn't one hundred percent okay with the result of their argument earlier. If anything, Blaine had time to stew and his cheekbones were pink from holding in fumes.
"Henry, can I talk to you? My dad and I were having a debate yesterday and I was wondering what the legal side of the matter would be." Kurt gave Mr. Anderson a look that told him he didn't want to discuss legal matters.
"Oh! Well, shoot." He smiled. "I'm going to go get a drink in the kitchen. Why don't you come? Nice hair cut, son. Looks good."
Blaine smiled, but Kurt knew it was forced. He was suspicious. Kurt felt bad for being the reason his happiness about his hair cut no longer mattered. "This shouldn't take long," he said, letting Blaine know he didn't expect him to follow.
Blaine was suspicious, so when Kurt and his dad disappeared, he followed and listened outside of the door.
"What happened?" Henry asked.
"We went for coffee and he met James."
Kurt could see the cogs turning in Henry's head. "James? You mean the boy he-"
"Yeah… him." Kurt spat the word out like thought of his name put a disgusting taste in his mouth.
"What happened?" Mr. Anderson didn't seem pleased with this news. Blaine could tell his father didn't approve of James either.
Maybe Kurt was right, Blaine thought. He immediately felt guilty, but was still suspicious of the secrecy.
"I sent him away and Blaine started asking questions. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't lie to him."
"But you didn't tell him, did you? Please tell me you didn't because James is someone Blaine does not need to remember. That boy is a liar and a manipulator."
"Hey, I'm not the one you need to convince. I hate him more than you do."
"So what did you tell him?"
"I told him that some things are better left forgotten and James is not a friend of his."
"Anything else? That couldn't have been enough for Blaine."
"It wasn't. I told him that whatever happened wasn't Blaine's fault and James used it against him to get to me. Which isn't a lie, but obviously it's leaving out a lot of key details."
"God, I hate that kid. And that goddamn freshman who-"
"Don't say it out loud. Blaine can't remember it, so we'll forget it too."
"Kurt, I can't exactly forget someone who drugged my son."
Blaine's eyes went wide from behind the door. James drugged me? he thought. He slowly backed away from the door and went up to his room. Now he was even madder than before. All those feelings he had that there was a secret that he wasn't allow in on, he was right; and Kurt was in on it. He felt betrayed and even more confused on how he's supposed to feel. Kurt lied to him, so he should be betrayed, but he also felt awful now for yelling at him for half of the afternoon because now he really knew exactly why Kurt was being so protective. What was it about Kurt that makes me feel so many different emotions? I'm happy one second, then annoyed, or frustrated, or angry the next. Then ten seconds later I'm guilty for feeling anything other than happy to be in his presence. What's wrong with me? Blaine thought.
Blaine had misunderstood and was wrong about the details. It wasn't James who drugged Blaine, but another boy who gave brownies laced with drugs to both Blaine and James, along with several other Dalton boys. If Kurt knew what Blaine thought, he probably wouldn't correct Blaine on the mere fact that believing James only drugged Blaine, was better than the real truth; that the drugged out nature of both James and Blaine resulted in them having sex in a blacked out stupor.
He huffed when he shut his bedroom door. He wanted to punch the wall or kick the door, but didn't. Instead, he just did the next few things dramatically and with force. To make it look like he was doing something once he got back to his room, Blaine grabbed his History text book and a pen with his notebook, but his pen wasn't working. He chucked it in the trash and went into his bedside table to get another, knowing he had a stash in there. He accidentally pushed his hand in too hard and the bottom of the drawer moved. "Great. Now the drawer is broken." He put his hand underneath the drawer to see if he could pop it back into place, but he found that the bottom of the drawer wasn't the underside board. He furrowed his brows in confusion and took everything out of the drawer. Blaine fumbled with the board in the drawer and finally pried it up. "It's a false bottom?" Blaine said to himself.
In the drawer were photos, condoms, a bottle of lubrication oil, a few envelopes, a couple odds and ends, and what looked like a journal. He didn't have time to really look at any of the items because he heard footsteps on the stairs. He quickly shoved the drawer board back into place and dropped everything back in the drawer.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Blaine?" Kurt asked.
"Come in." Blaine sat down on his bed.
Kurt went in the room and shut the door behind him. "I have to go, but I wanted to say I was sorry."
Blaine's chest felt instantly lighter and could feel the heat leaving his face. No! Don't do that! Blaine screamed at himself. Don't forgive him that easy. Him walking into your room doesn't mean he gets to see you melt… Melt? Blaine realized he was talking too long to add something to the conversation. "For what?" Blaine asked, pretending the last fifteen minutes didn't happen.
"For turning what started out as a great thing into something bad. You have a right to your past, but I'm so scared of people taking advantage of you and I want you to know all the good things about what used to be. I never want you to be plagued by the bad." Kurt looked exhausted and vulnerable. He hated this feeling. He wanted to rewind the clock to when he just got to Blaine's house that morning. He wouldn't have taken Blaine out of the house. Or if he did, he wouldn't have taken him to either the salon or the Lima Bean. He wanted to not be fighting with Blaine. He wanted everything to be as it were this morning. Kurt had gotten used to not wishing to turn the clock back to before the accident. He had come to terms that this was his reality, but he had plenty of mistakes that he wished he could turn back time just a few hours.
"Can I ask one question before you go?"
"Sure. Anything." Kurt thought Blaine's question was out of place. He was ready to be chastised again, but it didn't come. Instead Blaine acted like he had an agenda and once it was completed, Kurt could be dismissed.
"Did I keep a journal?"
Odd as the question was, Kurt did promise earlier that he would help Blaine no matter what. So he thought. Really thought.
Blaine studied Kurt's face for any indication that he might be lying. He found none.
"I don't know. If you did I had no knowledge of it." Kurt was telling the truth. He honestly had no idea if Blaine kept a journal or not.
"Oh. That's too bad because it might have been helpful."
"I'm sure it would be. I can check your locker at school if you want."
"Could you? Blaine knew Kurt wouldn't find anything, but thought to play along anyway.
"Okay, well, I have to go." Kurt paused, sucking in on his bottom lip. This was the time when Blaine usually would ask Kurt to come back the next day, but Blaine wasn't talking.
Blaine stood up and started putting his textbooks away while Kurt remained in place.
"Um… I can sense that you're still mad at me and I don't blame you. Just know that I'm sorry and I'll understand if you don't want to see me tomorrow, or any other day." Kurt looked down at the floor.
Before he or Blaine knew it, Blaine had his arms around Kurt. Blaine didn't know what came over himself. One minute he was mad at Kurt, but the next he was gutted at the thought of not seeing Kurt not just ever, but also not the immediate next day. It was like he instantly forgave him for withholding information from him. He wasn't sure if hugging Kurt was proper etiquette. Did men hug other men? Did Kurt mind? Kurt's response of exhaling and wrapping his arms around Blaine told him it was okay. "Please come back tomorrow?" Blaine requested.
Kurt's heart jumped at the feel of Blaine touching him. He hadn't felt him or been so close he could smell him since the hospital. His breath hitched and he exhaled to hide it. He wrapped his arms around Blaine and inhaled his scent. He missed him so badly. Up until now he'd been able to subside his feelings for the greater good of Blaine, but here in Blaine's arms, he missed his boyfriend. He missed his lover and soul mate deeply. "If you want me to," he answered.
"I want you to."
Kurt exhaled and rested his cheek on Blaine's hair. "Then I'll be here."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It's not your fault." He resisted the urge to hold him tighter.
"Then thank you for trying to give me a day where I could forget that I can't remember."
"I'm sorry it didn't turn out that way."
"Don't be." Blaine let go of Kurt.
It was too soon for Kurt, but he let the olive skinned boy go too. "So I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Three o'clock?"
"On the dot."
Blaine managed a small smile. "Will you bring me something that reminds you of my old self tomorrow?"
"Why?" Kurt asked.
"I'm curious. Please?"
"Sure thing." Kurt managed a smile back. "See you tomorrow," he said again.
"See you tomorrow."
Kurt went downstairs and found Henry again. "Can I bring Blaine to my house tomorrow?"
"Why?"
"Blaine wants to see something that reminds me of his old self. I don't know. Maybe being in a different venue will help. He wants to get out of the house. Please? My parents will be there and my brother too. You know, take baby steps with meeting old people? Obviously the coffee shop backfired, but I still think we should try."
Henry sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I don't know Kurt."
"I know it's a lot to ask, but I-" Kurt stopped and felt the sting of his eyes beginning to water. "You know what? What I'm saying… it's true, but it's bullshit." Henry's eyes went wide at Kurt's choice to use expletives. "It's all bullshit. The truth is that I'm being selfish and using what Blaine wants to aid my pain. I miss him." A tear escaped his eyes. "God, I miss him so much. I see him everyday and I'm not allowed to hug him or tell him how I feel or God even tell him everything will be all right because I don't know if it will."
Henry wanted to comfort Kurt, but didn't know how. He missed his son too and had a lot of the same issues running inside himself. The only difference was that he wasn't missing a lover. "I miss him too, Kurt. All we can do is be happy that some form of him is still here and not six feet under." He could feel a lump rising in his throat.
"I am! I'm happy that he's alive and the only thing he has to deal with is his memory, but being around him, to look at him, it hurts. I love him so much. Even this version of Blaine. He's different, but the same, and I love them both equally. I remember all the things that were working against us when we finally realized we could-"
"Kurt, breath."
Kurt took a deep breath. "I thought we were past all of it. When will it stop being so hard? Why can't we just be happy? It's like the universe is doing everything in it's power to keep us apart when all we wanted was just to be together. He used to love me. I knew that. I could see it. And now I'm slowly making him hate me. I can feel it."
"He doesn't hate you. Trust me. So, you had a bad day. Kurt, do you know what he does everyday?"
Kurt sniffled and wiped his eyes that were still streaming tears down his cheeks. "What?"
"He watches you drive past our house every morning on your way to school and then waits again at the window for when you pull into the driveway after school. He doesn't know that I know this, but he's already at the door when you ring the doorbell. You ring it once and he counts to thirty before opening it, like he doesn't want you to think that he was pining for you." Henry carded a hand through his thinning curls and almost smiled. "Kurt, my son comes alive when he sees you. He is more like his old self whenever you pop up. I know you see differences, but all I see is Blaine slowly falling in love with you all over again."
"Thank you, but I won't get my hopes up."
"Wait. Stop for a second. Don't do that to yourself. He loves you. He just doesn't know it yet. When he's ready, I'm sure you'll know."
Kurt wanted to object, but Henry told him to stop, so he stayed silent.
"I'm sorry I asked you to hide so much from him, Kurt. I feel like I shouldn't have done that, but I really felt that was what was best for him."
"And it was, but I'm just being selfish. I don't want to lie to him, but I can't tell him who he is or what he wants. Only he can do that."
"Honestly, Kurt. I think you've been better with him than any of us have been. Beth and I thought that treating him the same way and trying to give him something normal was good for him, but what we were actually doing was forcing him to be the same person, when he may not be."
Kurt looked down at the floor, his tears now gone, but his chest feeling heavy.
"You can take him to your house after school if you want. You were right. I can't force him or control him anymore."
"I'll be here at three."
"Tell your father I said hi."
"Thank you, Mr. Anderson."
Henry wasn't a hugging man, but at that moment his wrapped his arms around the slender boy. He wasn't sure when he realized it, but Kurt had become part of the family and that meant Kurt was like a son to him. He didn't want to see Kurt in pain any more than he wanted to see Blaine or Jared in pain.