June 1, 2012, 10:40 p.m.
Remember Me, Remember Us: Chapter 5
E - Words: 3,961 - Last Updated: Jun 01, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 22/22 - Created: Jun 01, 2012 - Updated: Jun 01, 2012 244 0 0 0 0
Weeks went by and soon it had been a whole month since the accident. Every visit Kurt had with Blaine went similarly to the first one. They'd stare at each other once the door opened, go up to Blaine's room, do homework, comfort ability would set in and Blaine would make a comment that Kurt knew Blaine hadn't told anyone else, Kurt and Blaine would laugh at something, then it would end with Blaine asking Kurt to return the next day. And he did. Everyday Kurt returned. Three o'clock on school days and eleven o'clock on weekends. He was missing a lot of afternoon Glee practice, but he was thankful for the early morning ones and would spend time with Mr. Sheuster during one of his free periods to make up for the lost time. Mr. Sheuster understood why this was so important to Kurt and didn't bother him about missing the three afternoon practices a week.
Kurt didn't know, but Blaine's favorite part of the day was when Kurt came around. Blaine would wait by the window for a glimpse of Kurt's car and would wait by the door when he finally saw Kurt pull in the driveway.
By the six week mark, all of Blaine's bruises had healed and his broken ribs were no longer broken. With Kurt's help, Blaine was back up to speed with his school work and there was talk of letting him return to McKinley at some point. The only problem was that Blaine had barely stepped foot out of his house. He'd taken walks with his mother around the neighborhood and taken drives to run random errands with her as well, but had never really left the car because he was always nervous in big crowds and was more scared than he let on to run into people he used to know. It made him wary to think of people coming up to him and acting like nothing was wrong when really, Blaine had no clue who that person might be.
It had almost been a month and a half and Kurt was watching a movie in Blaine's room with him. They both sat on Blaine's bed shoulder to shoulder with their backs against the wall. These were comfortable times that required no effort on either boys' part, which Kurt liked. After six weeks, Kurt still had urges to just reach out and touch Blaine. His overwhelming urge to pounce on Blaine and kiss him or rip his clothes off went away because they spent a fair amount of time bickering and nothing turned Kurt off more than someone who was yelling at him. But he still missed his boyfriend. When they sat shoulder to shoulder like this, he kept holding back and reminding himself that he wasn't allowed to reach six inches over and grab Blaine's hand, or tilt his head just so and let it rest on Blaine's shoulder. No. Kurt couldn't do that. The past six weeks were spent tutoring, and dancing in his room to music Blaine had re-discovered. The occasional laugh had been had. Blaine liked hearing about the people at school and was utterly riveted when Kurt mentioned anything about someone being slushied.
It was Sunday and Blaine had convinced Kurt to have a day where they didn't touch his homework and they could spend the day watching movies, talking, and listening to music. Right now they were watching Fracture with Ryan Gosling and Anthony Hopkins. His family had a lot of law based movies and Blaine fancied watching those to see what his father and siblings did for a living, even if it was a dramatization.
Kurt excused himself from Blaine's bedroom for a minute and went downstairs in search of Henry. It was Sunday, so he was counted on to be sitting in the living room watching a game. "Henry?" Kurt asked. Mr. Anderson paused the game and gave Kurt his attention. "Can I take Blaine into town?"
"To do what?"
Kurt could tell Henry wanted to object to the outing, but was giving Kurt the chance to make a case. That was the lawyer in him. "Well, for starters, the boy desperately needs a haircut. He's barely been out of the house. If he's going to go to public school soon he should get used to crowds. Otherwise he might develop a social anxiety. I think it would be good to get him out of the house for a little while. If only for a couple hours." Kurt was pleased with his argument.
"Okay."
"Okay? I can take him out?" Kurt was surprised at how easy it was.
"Sure. You state a good case and you're right on all points. Have him back in a few hours. I don't want it to be too much of a good thing."
"Yes Sir!"
"Blaine!" Henry called out. Blaine came down the stairs and stared in confusion at the two men. "Kurt's going to take you to get a haircut." He took out his wallet and handed Blaine forty dollars.
Blaine took the money, but held it without putting it away. "Really?" He wasn't completely positive how he felt about going out of the house, but honestly, he was just happy to be doing something with Kurt that had nothing to do with homework.
"Yeah. Be back before dinner." Henry sat back down and resumed watching the game.
Kurt looked at Blaine. He was beaming. "Can we go now?" Blaine asked.
"Yes. Come on." Kurt was ecstatic at Blaine's excitement. They quickly got their things and piled in Kurt's car.
Kurt took Blaine to Kurt's preferred salon and told his usual stylist, a perky, flamboyant man named Peter, the look he was going for. Blaine appeared to love the treatment of a hair salon, commenting on how he liked the feeling of his head being rubbed. This was something Kurt knew intimately well already, but Blaine wouldn't have remembered that. When his hair was un-gelled, Blaine used to loved it when Kurt ran his fingers through his curls. Before the accident, Blaine's second favorite part of showering with Kurt used to be when Kurt washed and conditioned his hair for him. Kurt smiled and blushed when he thought of Blaine's first favorite thing about showering with Kurt. He buried his face in a magazine to hide his blush, even though no one was in the salon besides the other stylists and him and Blaine. Kurt was happy that they came at a time when no one else was there because wherever he planned to take Blaine next was bound to have people milling around.
"Do you think you can do something about the forest between his eyes too, Peter?" Kurt asked with a sarcastic voice.
"Pluck or wax?" Peter called out from the wash and condition station.
Kurt had to think. He thought Blaine shaved between his eyebrows, but wasn't sure. He supposed this was the one thing he didn't know about Blaine. "Wax, please," he finally said. "Just the middle. Don't touch the rest."
"You want the triangles to stay." It was a statement instead of a question.
"Yup. I like my men geometric," Kurt laughed. He then immediately wished he hadn't said it. He was beginning to become too comfortable with Blaine and was forgetting that this Blaine was not the Blaine he once knew and could flirt with anytime. He hadn't forgotten the promise he made to Henry about not telling Blaine he was gay or that they were once in a relationship.
"Arg!" Blaine yelled when the wax was ripped off his skin. "People do this?"
"Some women get half their body waxed monthly, Baby," Peter explained playfully. "Be happy this was only one tiny little piece."
Kurt was heard laughing in the waiting room as he picked out products. In a half hour, Blaine was all smiles and looked damn good with barely any styling to his coif. Kurt always liked Blaine better without all that gel.
"How do you feel?" Kurt asked on their way to the car.
"Really good." He smiled. "I like being pampered like that."
"You'd love going to a spa then."
He was really liking the freedom to go anywhere with Kurt. He was finding that being outside of the house wasn't as bad as he thought. Peter was nice and he didn't treat Blaine any different. "Did I know Peter before today?"
"Yes."
"How come he didn't act like he knew me?"
"He's my stylist, Blaine, not a friend."
"But still. I must have seen him a few times, right?"
"Once a month. You always came with me to the salon."
"Maybe people are different than I thought?"
Kurt was about to turn the ignition to the car, but put his hand back into his lap and turned to Blaine instead. "How so?"
"If I tell you, do you promise not to judge me?" Kurt looked at him incredulously and Blaine remembered who he was talking to. "Okay, I feel conflicted because I don't want people to treat me differently just because I can't remember who they are, but I also don't want people to act like they know me."
"You want people to treat you like they're meeting you for the first time because you're meeting them for the first time?"
"Yes, but I know that's stupid because not everyone knows about my accident and I can't think selfishly. People are going to be who they are with no excuses."
"Blaine, can I be honest?" Blaine nodded, hoping for some wise advice. "Why does people knowing you have to be a bad thing? No one's disappointed when you can't remember them. That's kind of a given. And people approaching you only means that they care… Well, that or they're just extremely nosy."
"It just makes me uncomfortable because it feels like I'm not on the same even playing field." Blaine was talking animatedly with his hands.
"Well, oh well." Blaine looked at Kurt confusedly. He squinted and tilted his head. Kurt got the hint. His tone changed to one that was bold and slightly annoyed. "Blaine, you can't change what happened and you can't control people's reactions. I know you want to be seen as normal and like everyone else, but the truth is that you're a person who's memory has been wiped clean. That's not normal. Everyone loves you and everyone cares about you. You have to take what you have and work with it. The more you worry about things and try to control them to make whoever's square peg fit into your round one, the harder it's going to be for you. It's already hard enough, don't make it harder for yourself."
Blaine stayed silent and Kurt gave him a minute to process.
"Are you okay? I didn't totally spoil our outing did I?"
"No," Blaine said after a few moments. He was chewing on his lip and thinking. A small spark appeared in his eyes. "You're right. I should just go with the flow of things. I'm alive and I have people around me who are really supportive and helpful. I should be happier. I shouldn't worry about things that are out of my control."
"So you're not mad at me for setting you straight?"
"No. In fact, I'm glad. By now, I know I can trust you. Honestly, I don't know where I'd be without you. If there's one person's advice I should take, it's yours."
Kurt turned back to his steering wheel and started the car. He was really happy that Blaine had a ten second rebound between emotions. "You're resilience astounds me."
Blaine smiled. "We're not going straight home, are we?"
"No. I hadn't really decided yet, but anything worth doing is in further into town. Kurt thought his friend resembled a small child with his excitement to be out of the house and it made him smile. "Um. Bookstore? I could use some new magazines."
"Sure. Anything." Kurt smiled and began driving. "Peter's… nice…" Blaine commented soon after.
Kurt shifted his eyes for a second at Blaine. "He is nice. I've been going to him for a couple years now."
"He's- um." Blaine was searching for the right words. "Kind of girly. He has this sort of lilt to his voice… and he called me Baby; like a pet name." He paused. "Not that it's bad. He's really nice, but I haven't seen someone like that before, but then again, most people I see are on TV."
Kurt thought about how to gage the question properly because if Kurt could describe Peter properly, he would hate to admit it, but Peter was stereotypically gay. In fact, Peter was probably beyond the stereotype; like, flaming, boy band, cabaret gay ; or disco dancing, Oscar Wilde reading, Barbara Streisand ticket holding, friend of Dorothy gay. "Well, people on TV tend to all kind of be the same archetypes and fall into the same categories. The more you get out, the more you'll see real people and how different they are."
"What made you choose him as your stylist?"
Kurt was glad the conversation was switching and not falling into one about Peter's flamboyancy. "I found that men tend to cut other men's hair better than women. At least in my experience they do. I'm sure some women are excellent at it, but I haven't met them. Plus he has a fantastic fashion sense. We have that in common."
"You both wear really tight pants."
Kurt laughed out loud. "It's a style choice. If you've got the figure and legs for it, you can pull it off. Guys like Peter and I, we pull it off flawlessly."
Blaine began a slew of questions about pants and the difference between designs and levels of tightness. Kurt began to realize how much he missed fashion conversations with the old Blaine.
There was something different about his friendship with Blaine. There was a comfort ability there, with no sexual tension. Before the accident, the first time Kurt met Blaine, he was instantly attracted. The rest of the time they spent together until they started dating was pretending he wasn't staring or hiding his secret fantasies. But this… with Blaine now. This was just fun.
It was almost like it would have been had they been strictly friends from the beginning. That thought suddenly made Kurt beyond depressed because had they been strictly friends, they never would have been on the double date during the night of the accident. Had they never gotten together, Blaine would be the same old Blaine. Kurt felt somehow responsible.
"What's the matter?" Blaine asked, reading Kurt's expression when things got quiet.
"Nothing," Kurt answered.
"Kurt…" He drew out the word, warning Kurt that he knew there was more.
"What? It's nothing really."
Blaine took a breath and shook his head. His mood swung again and now he seemed disappointed. "Do you think we can do the bookstore later? Can we go do something where we can sit and talk instead?"
"Coffee?"
"Sure." The excitement in his voice was gone now.
Kurt could tell something was bothering Blaine, but he wasn't sure it if was because he wasn't forthcoming with information or something else. As it were, the Lima Bean was nearby, so he pulled over and they both got out.
"What did I order before?" Blaine asked quickly and blandly. He was staring at the menu board above the registers, but had no idea what any of it meant. He knew what coffee was, but words like latte and grande escaped him completely. He figured Kurt would know what Blaine liked and if he didn't, he could suggest something that wasn't gross.
"Medium drip." The words were out faster than he could process them. Coffee with Blaine used to be a main staple. He knew everything about his order. "I got this," he said when they got to the counter, taking out his wallet. "Medium drip and a Non-fat Mocha. Oh! And a biscotti please," he said to the barista.
"What's a biscotti?"
"It's like a cookie for your coffee. You dip it in your coffee and eat it."
"Can I have one?"
"The one I ordered is yours." Kurt felt guilty for ordering it without consulting Blaine first and even more guilty for saying it like Blaine should have known the biscotti was his. He didn't want to tell him what he liked. For all he knew, Blaine had different tastes now. He was beginning to hate himself for feeling too comfortable with Blaine and forgetting his Blaine was gone.
"Oh." The tension between them from the car was still there. It was thick.
They took a seat with their coffee and Blaine scrunched his face when he took a sip. "Ugh. Eww. I liked this?" Kurt, with his head leaning in his hand and his elbow on the table, plucked two Raw Sugar packets from the sugar caddy and put them in front of Blaine. "Oh." He said it like he felt stupid for not thinking of sugar. Blaine mixed in the sugar and took another sip. "Much better. Thank you."
"You're welcome." Both of their voices were in bland tones.
"Are you bored?" Blaine asked abruptly.
"No. Why?"
"Because you stopped talking to me except for when I ask you a question. Also, you're drifting your eyes shut like being around me is putting you to sleep."
Kurt felt awful. He sat up and crossed his legs to change the way Blaine read his body language. "I'm sorry. I'm not bored. I had a thought in the car and it bothered me. It's not you."
"Well, I'm the one paying for it. I'm not asking you to pretend to be happy for my sake, but I am asking you to talk to me and be honest."
Kurt tried not to roll his eyes. "What do you want to talk about?"
Blaine looked away, feeling agitated at Kurt's avoidance. He knows damn well what I wanted to talk about, Blaine thought. He picked up the biscotti and instead of putting it in his coffee or eating it, he crumbled the end of it between two fingers. "Do you know how confusing it is being me? How lonely it is?" Blaine snapped. He looked back and locked his eyes with Kurt's, willing him not to look away. "Nothing in my life is comfortable to me. Not my family, not my house, not even my own reflection, but you…" he trailed off and started again. "You were the first thing I saw when I woke up and you disappeared. You didn't come back for weeks! There are pictures of you everywhere. You're the only one who isn't trying to make me the person I used to me. My parents put a plate of food in front of me and tell me it's my favorite, when I don't remember ever eating it. But you, you ask what I want and wait for me to ask about my old self. You take me exactly as I am. The only thing that's familiar is you. I am only comfortable with myself when you're around and that's very frustrating because I still don't know much about you because you hardly talk about yourself. Now, you're shutting me out. I can see something's wrong, but you won't let me in. Kurt," he paused, calming his voice down. He looked tired and he was. Blaine was tired of feeling uncomfortable. He was tired of feeling like a burden. "I'm already lonely. Please don't make me be alone."
Kurt was taken aback. He didn't know what to say. He felt tears brimming his eyes. Blaine was right. Kurt barely spoke about himself or mentioned memories of Blaine and Kurt. They spent most of their time in the present and occasionally mentioning something about Blaine's past when he asked. Never Kurt, always Blaine.
Blaine. Blaine. Blaine. That's all Kurt saw. Blaine smiling. Blaine hitting his head and falling unconscious twice. Blaine opening the door to his house and the countless times they stared at each other in silence. There was nothing else to think about. Not for Kurt. Just Blaine. Old Blaine and New Blaine. "I was there, Blaine. I was there when we pulled your body from the water. You weren't breathing. I was so scared and if Mike wasn't there, you wouldn't be here. When you say that you have an old self, you're right. There are similarities, but you're not the same. When I start to think that you and I are starting to act like we used to, I feel responsible that you have no memory. You were an amazing person and I took that from you." He brought his coffee up to his lips to help prevent himself from crying. "I'm so sorry. I know about 98% of the time I seem fine, but I don't want to hurt you when I tell you that what I'm thinking is much different than how I'm acting. I deserve to be punished. I deserve for you to hate me because it's my fault. It's all my fault. Any you…" He licked his lips, his eyes definitely now welled up with tears. "…you prefer me over anyone else. That makes it all the more worse." Kurt looked away momentarily and wiped his eyes before grabbing his coffee.
Blaine took a deep breath. "Kurt…" Blaine's tone had changed. It was lighter, but just as serious. "I know what happened that night. You weren't driving. You weren't the rain on the road. You weren't the deer I hit. You weren't what knocked me out. You have nothing to feel sorry for. It happened, okay? We can't turn back the clock and change it. You told me not even an hour ago to let go of the things I can't control. So, please, stop beating yourself up for something you can't control. Tina and Mike have been great, but, frankly, I need you. I can't be alone anymore and I can't do this without you. I want to find some sort of normal, whatever that is." There was a silence between them and they stared at one another without moving. "Can you help me?" Blaine asked.
"Yes. Whatever you need." He meant it. He always meant it. No matter what, no matter how their friendship/relationship changed, he would be there for Blaine. Then, just like that, Kurt felt what he used to feel. He was back where he started, loving Blaine and not being able to do anything about it. He felt he was forever going to have his love go unrequited.
"Was I really an amazing person?" Blaine inquired, looking like he was deep in thought.
"Yes. You were kind and really smart. You were the most selfless person I ever met."
"Were we best friends?" Blaine asked.
"The best," Kurt answered.
"And we met when you transferred to Dalton?"
"Before then actually. You were a big reason why I transferred. I was troubled and you showed me that things could be better. I could be happy."
"Why did you transfer back to McKinley?"
"Um… I missed my friends and I guess I was tired of feeling like I was running away from my problems. You helped me gain confidence and at the time I was ready to face them and over come my demons."
"So… now you get to return the favor?"
Kurt thought. "Yeah. I guess I do."
"You know, this is the most you've spoken about yourself since you started coming around. You should talk about yourself more. I like it."
I know that look, Kurt thought., Blaine pursed his lips, but had a smiled on his face. His eyes sparkled and smiled when his mouth did. Whether he knew it or not, Blaine was flirting. "I'll be right back. Bathroom." He got up, hoping his face wasn't giving his fluttering, nervous heart away.
A minute or two went by. "Blaine?"
Blaine's body jolted into a nervous state, but he turned. A tall muscular boy with outgrown, chopped hair was standing before him. "Can I help you?" Blaine asked.
"Wow. So, it's true." The boy took a seat without being asked. "I'm James. We used to go to Dalton together. We were in the Warblers together too."