“Kurt, it’s not about a guy with some kind of weird role playing fetish is it? Because I am not ready to have that conversation.”

“Dad! No!”

Burt was leaning against the dresser watching Kurt run around his old room frantically. For the last thirty minutes he had been giving his dad the abridged version of the mess that was his life at the moment. At the same time, he was removing incriminating evidence. Like the high school diploma that was framed and hanging on the wall.

“So let me get this straight. Nora roped you into pretending to be a high school student for a day so you could spot trendy fashions. You met this Blaine guy in the middle of your little mission. You couldn’t tell him the truth because you didn’t want to blow your cover. Now you’re afraid to tell him the truth because he might hate you for lying. And, once you tell him the truth there is no reason for you to stay in Ohio. To top it all off, you’re feeling guilty for making him feel guilty because he thinks he’s fallen for a student?”

Kurt was about to shove a picture of himself in his cheerio uniform under the bed. He stopped and looked over at his father. “Well, it sounds a lot worse when you string everything together like that.”

“I have to say Kurt, I’m disappointed in you. You made me sit through hours of ‘Day of Our Lives’ and you didn’t learn a thing. The truth can save you a lot of trouble and hurt. And, keep you from marrying your brother or slipping into a coma.”

Kurt sat down on his old bed and grinned at his father. “Dad, stop trying to make me laugh.“

Burt lifted up his cap and ran a hand over his head. “I really don’t know what to tell you kid. Sounds like you think this guy is pretty special?”

“Yeah Dad, I really do.”

Burt crossed the room and sat next to his son. “Then I know you’ll do the right thing, and I think you know what that is.”

“I do.” Kurt let himself lean into his dad and rested his head on his shoulder. “I think a part of me wanted to keep the lie going so I could get the chance to fix what happened when I was in high school. I never walked hand in hand down the hall with the person I liked. I never got to slow dance at my prom. With Blaine I felt like I was getting a little of that back. You know?”

“Kurt, if he is as open and brave as you, then I’m all for it. But you need to come clean kid. If this Blaine guy really cares about you, then he’ll understand.”

His throat felt tight with emotion so he didn’t try to talk. He just nodded into his father’s shoulder. And almost shrieked in his ear when the doorbell rang.

“Oh my God! He’s here.” Kurt leapt off the bed and bolted for the door. He paused in the hallway and turned back toward his dad. “You can go ahead and do what you want to Dad. I’ll just bring Blaine in here so we can talk and not get in your way.”

Burt grinned and started to walk past his son. “Yeah right kid. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

As his dad passed by he paused and gave Kurt’s shoulder a squeeze. “I know you think everything is a mess right now buddy. But I gotta tell you Kurt, I haven’t seen you really enjoying your life in a long time. But when you were telling me about this Blaine guy? I could see that joy back. It was good to see.”

After a somewhat awkward introduction, Kurt was escorting Blaine out of the living room and heading up to his old room. He was almost ready to celebrate making it out of there unscathed when his dad spoke up.

“Leave the door open young man.”

“Dad!”

Burt was chuckling when he sat down and turned on the TV. “I’m kidding! You two have fun.”

Kurt felt his face burning as he yanked at Blaine’s arm and pulled him quickly up the stairs. Once they were in his room he shut the door and turned to face him. Kurt didn’t know what he expected to see, but a grinning on the verge of laughter Blaine wasn’t it.

“He seemed awfully calm about letting you have a guy in your room.”

Kurt smiled and rolled his eyes. “I’m sure to be the subject of endless teasing later.”

“I don’t think my dad would have reacted the same way if I tried to take a guy up to my room when I was your age. Or, ever really.” Blaine’s smile faded.

“Well my dad’s thinking is that I’m over eighteen. So I’m old enough to make my own decisions, and mistakes.”

Blaine walked over to where Kurt was still leaning against his door. “Do you think I’m a mistake Kurt?”

Kurt pushed off of the door and grabbed Blaine’s hands. “No! Blaine no. Honestly, I don’t know what you are. But you, Mr. Anderson, could never be a mistake.”

Blaine squeezed Kurt’s hands. “I’m so glad I met you.”

“Me too.”

“And I’m glad your dad didn’t kill me.”

Kurt threw back his head and laughed. “Well I can’t make any promises for the future. He’s very protective. So you may not want to go breaking my heart or anything.” The lighthearted moment suddenly changed. Blaine’s face grew very serious. His hands started to pull away from Kurt’s but he held on to them.

“Blaine, what is it?”

“Did you tell your dad the truth about me?”

“Yes, I… I told my dad the truth about everything. Blaine you have to understand that my dad and I…”

“No, you don’t have to explain. I’m glad that you did. I would never want you to feel like you had to lie about… anything. It’s not a good feeling. Kurt, we really have to talk about what’s going on between us.”

Blaine’s eyes were so wide, searching, and earnest that Kurt had to fight the compulsion to throw his arms around him and hold on for dear life. Or, for life. Whichever lasted longer. Instead, he nodded and still holding on to Blaine’s hands led them to the bed. He crawled on top of the comforter and patted the spot across from him.

“Come here Blaine. Let’s talk.”

So they did.

He and Blaine talked about favorite movies and music. About favorite colors and books. They discussed fashion and favorite accessories. (Quirky brooches for him and bow ties for Blaine.) Pretty soon, Kurt wasn’t sure who initiated it, they found themselves laying on the bed facing one another. They continued talking about everything but what Kurt needed to talk about the most.

The truth.

“Who is that Kurt?”

Blaine was looking behind Kurt at the night table. He turned and followed his gaze. “That is my Mother. She died when I was very young.” He turned to face Blaine once more.

“She was beautiful.” Blaine reached over and traced a finger over an eyebrow and along his cheekbone. “You have her eyes.”

Being touched by Blaine made him want to touch in kind. He reached out his hand and ran his fingers over Blaine’s cheek and chin. The feel of the slight stubble was rough and wonderful.

“I can’t even imagine what that was like for you Kurt.”

He had to blink back the burn of the tears that threatened. “It was like every bird in the world stopped singing all at once. But my dad and I got through the pain together. And as he would say, are better men because of it. But you know? I fear having to go through that level of pain again. When I do it leaves me a little bit more scarred than I was.”

“Kurt, you know what scars are right? They are reminders that wounds can heal. Sometimes you just have to let it hurt before it can get better.”

Kurt froze, his hand falling to the mattress. “What did you say?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two years ago:

His NYADA letter was growing damp in his clenched hand.

He tried to keep his voice quiet so neither Finn nor his dad would hear him on the phone. His throat felt raw and rough from the sobbing he had done since he got home. He didn’t know how he could possibly have more tears to shed. But they were still coming. He had spent the day being strong. He put on a brave face for Finn, for Rachel, for his dad. With many fake smiles and false declarations of, ‘Of course I’m not giving up. I’ll just show them what they missed out on!’ It wasn’t until he had gotten home and curled up on his bed to reread the rejection letter that he fell apart.

Through his tears and sobs he searched through the drawer in his nightstand. Pushing pamphlet after pamphlet out of the way. After four years of school with Ms. Pillsbury the collection was quite large. Finally, he found the one he needed. Ohio teen-to-teen crisis help line. He didn’t want his family to know just how devastated he was. But there in that moment he could see no end to his tears. So he dialed the number.

He was straining to hear a voice come on the other end. He was having a hard time hearing anything over the sound of his own failure. It was screaming at him. ‘Loser! Washed up at eighteen! Such a diva you didn’t have a backup plan?’

“This is a mistake.” He whispered to the male voice on the other end.

“Asking for help is never a mistake.” The voice whispered back.

“Why are you whispering?”

“Because you are. Don’t you think it would be strange if one person is whispering and the other one is talking in full voice? It just felt appropriate.”

He never knew that you could actually hear a smile in someone’s voice until that moment. A small giggle snuck passed his sobs before Kurt could stop it. “You’re kind of strange.”

“And I take much pride in that, thank you very much. Hey… you, what should I call you?”

Kurt froze. He looked around his room for some inspiration before his eyes fell upon a pile of trash. Trash that had been the Wicked poster he had torn from his wall and ripped to pieces. “Call me Galinda.” He whispered back.

A short chuckle. “Good choice. Okay Galinda, do you want to talk about what made you call today?”

“I feel as though my life is over.”

“Are you thinking of killing yourself?”

Kurt was thrown for a second by the question. He never imagined that anyone would ever just come right out and ask that. It made him pause and really search for the answer. “No. No, I’m not. Really. I just didn’t want my family to know how upset I was. But now I can’t stop crying. So, I called you.”

“I’m so glad you did. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“I lost my dream school today. I feel like the world has been pulled out from under my feet. My life was planned. I had all of these idealized pictures of my life in New York. It’s all gone! I really thought that my dreams were finally coming true for once. I actually thought I was good enough. I’m just a silly romantic.”

“That’s not silly. Never feel silly about your dreams, they are what define us as individuals.”

“It just hurt’s so much. I hate feeling this much pain, it makes me think of all the other times in my life that I felt the same. It‘s this vicious circle, you know? I‘m in pain, I think about painful memories, then I‘m in more pain.”

“You suffered a loss today. It’s perfectly understandable to be devastated and hurt. Let me ask you something. You said you didn’t want your family to see you like this. Why? Do you not feel comfortable sharing with them?”

“I have been teased and tormented pretty much everyday for the last four years. Some guy would call me lady or sissy or fag. I endured it and ignored it. I tried so hard not to let those things hurt. To let it strengthen me instead of weaken me. I got use to dealing with stuff alone. I thought I was so strong after all of that. So I assumed I could handle this too. But loosing my entire future can’t compare to a locker shove or a slushie to the face. I hate this! I hate this pain! I have to stop thinking about this so it will stop. Can you help me to stop thinking about it?”

“Have you ever held a cold cloth or an ice pack to a burn?”

“What? I don’t understand.”

“Well, the ice feels good, pain free while it’s on there. Right? As soon as you take the ice away, the pain comes back like mother fu… It hurts again. Have you ever noticed that if you lay the ice down and endure the pain for just a little while it starts to ease on its own? Pretty soon it’s gone. Some things need to hurt before they can feel better. Think about it. Feel it! Take the ice away. You were wounded today. You have to give it some time before the scar tissue can form.”

Kurt started to sob again but it was different this time. The tears weren’t coming in spite of him trying to hold them back. He wasn’t fighting to hold anything back this time. He was letting it hurt.

“Buddy? Are you okay?” His dad stuck his head just inside the door and stopped in his tracks when he saw Kurt face. He held his arms out and open. “Come here.”

He threw his phone down and ran to his dad. Burt left about thirty minutes later. Only then did he remember his phone call. He picked the phone up and listened.

“Hello?”

“Hey you.” The voice whispered back.

“I… I can’t believe you’re still here. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Hey Galinda?”

Kurt grinned at the use of his psuesonym. “Yes?”

“ Courage.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blaine had moved closer and draped his arm over Kurt so he could rub his back. “Kurt what is it? Did I say something wrong?”

“No, it’s… sorry. What you said just reminded me of a tough time in my life. I was kind of devastated about something and there was this guy who had a way of making me see my way through the pain.”

“Some guy, huh? Should I be worried?”

Kurt grinned and put his arm over Blaine. “Nah. He was just a voice on the phone. You are so much more than that.”

They both seemed to realize at the same time just how close they were. Kurt could feel the little puffs of Blaine’s breath ghosting over his mouth. He pushed forward as Blaine moved back. His chest pushing into Blaine’s. Their hearts were beating a fast unison pace. Kurt’s eyes closed and his head fell forward on Blaine’s chest when his fingers pushed their way through his hair. He raised himself up so he could look into Blaine‘s eyes. The intensity he saw in them made him shiver. His eyes moved down to Blaine’s full beautiful mouth and he licked his lips in anticipation. Kurt was overwhelmed by the need to taste this man.

“Don’t. Don’t kiss me Kurt.”

He ran his thumb over Blaine’s lower lip, and delighted at the shiver he could feel in the body underneath him. “Why Blaine? Is because you think I’m too young for you? Because I’m not. Blaine I’m not.”

“If you kiss me, then I’m going to kiss you back. I will keep kissing you until I don’t have the ability to think about anything but kissing you again. I have to be able to think right now. There are things that we need to talk about and,” he smiled and brushed his fingers lightly over Kurt’s jaw, “I can’t do that while I’m kissing you.”

“I’m sorry, Blaine.” He rolled away and stood up.

“Kurt wait!” Blaine reached out and caught his hand before he could walk away. He stood up and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “You have nothing to be sorry about. Okay? Maybe we should continue talking when we’re not alone in a bedroom?”

He smiled into Blaine’s shoulder. “Maybe so. I never had a guy, other than my stepbrother, in here before. I got a little carried away.”

They held on to each other for just a little while longer. Then Kurt walked him to the front door. “I’ll text you later, and I will see you…?”

“Monday, at…”

“School.”
“School.” They said in unison.

Blaine caressed Kurt’s cheek one last time before he turned and walked away.

Kurt stood there with his forehead pressed against the door until he heard a throat clear behind him. “I know you’re there Dad.”

“So Kurt, should I get your old Power Rangers lunch box out of the garage? Nah, I’ll just give you the lunch money instead.”