July 20, 2012, 8:51 a.m.
Did You Miss Me: Chapter 11
M - Words: 4,099 - Last Updated: Jul 20, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 11/11 - Created: Jun 10, 2012 - Updated: Jul 20, 2012 285 0 2 0 0
~Iris Murdoch~
Blaine was crying.
He sat on the edge of the bed with his legs drawn up to his chest. His head was cradled on his knees. He wiped away a tear that had worked its way to his lips. He was thinking about the last week of his life. Had it really only been a week? The ‘what if’ game was running roughshod over his thoughts. What if he had said this instead of that? What if he gone here instead of there? You never really know what decisions will change the course of your life, do you? Everything could be different than it was in this moment. Blaine shivered at the thought and roughly swiped at another tear. He also thought about his father. What must he be thinking about what had happened? Probably complaining to his mother about the mess Blaine had created. Did he care what his dad thought? Blaine guessed he had to. The only explanation, the only excuse he had to offer, would never be enough for his father. The only thing that Blaine would be able to say, was that it had all been for him. For Kurt.
Kurt. Just thinking his name brought all other thoughts to a halt. What was he thinking? What was he feeling? Is he okay?
~~~~
Kurt was afraid.
He was afraid to close his eyes. If he closed his eyes he might fall asleep. If he fell asleep, his dreams might take him away from his thoughts of Blaine. He turned in his bed and lay on his side. He eyes became glued to the suitcase that had been tossed haphazardly onto the floor. It was a reminder of everything that he had done the last seven days of his life. Kurt marveled at the fact that it only took such a short amount of time to alter his entire life. The last week of his life had completely changed him. He felt so different now and he was overcome by it. He could never go back to the way he was.
Kurt could feel a pool of tears gathering in the corner of his eye. They overflowed and began to trail down his nose. He untucked his hand from his blanket and wiped them away before they fell onto his pillow. Finally, he tore his gaze away from the suitcase on the floor to look at the courage collage hanging on the wall. The biggest change that this week had brought about? Seven days ago, he would have rolled over, hidden away his feelings and tears and gone to sleep. Now? All he could think about was Blaine. Needing him, wanting him and wanting to touch him. For the rest of his life every sad moment, happy moment and even angry moments, would be accompanied by thoughts of Blaine. He would always need him. Blaine would be forever engrained in his life. Another tear fell. How could he get them to stop? Kurt knew the answer. He just needed Blaine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three hours earlier:
Kurt threw money at the cab driver and jumped out of the car. A quick glance at his watch told him he needed to run if he wanted to make his flight. He grabbed his bag and charged forward. He was dazed. Still reeling from his discovery that Blaine had been the boy he spoke to on the phone years ago. Then, to find out from Mercedes that he was also the guy at Scandals? Twice! He had already met him twice and he didn’t know it. Well, maybe subconsciously he did. That would explain the connection he had felt with him the second he laid eyes on him. Kurt wove his way through a maze of people.
A thought made him stop, his bag fell to the floor. What if there had been other times, other near misses? If it had happened twice, then it could have happened again. He laughed and picked up his bag. Maybe he just needed a lesson in how to notice destiny’s little tricks!
He looked at his watch again. He was going to make it! He had enough time to get through security and get on the plane. Then he would be on his way to Blaine. Where he would not so subtly try to woo him. He also needed to apologize to him. Kurt didn’t mean to make Blaine think that the only sacrifices to be made were his. He needed Blaine to know that he was worth changing for as well. Even if, and this did make Kurt cringe a bit, it meant living in Ohio for a while. Kurt just needed a yes. He needed Blaine to say, ‘Yes, I do think we could have something special. Yes, I do care about you as much as you care for me.’
Kurt pushed forward. Promptly being hit in the shoulder by a running figure. As the human blur ran past. Kurt heard a male voice call out, “Sorry! So sorry!” Kurt swallowed down all of the scathing yet brilliant retorts that came to mind, and continued on. He made it through security without problem. There were a few minutes to wait before they boarded so he sat and tried to catch his breath. The moment of quiet led him back to his train of thought from earlier. He and Blaine had crossed paths twice. Was it possible that there were other times as well? They had grown up so close to each other. They could have walked by each other in the mall and not known it. They may have even bumped into one another….
He heard only the beginning of the announcement for his flight, the rest was lost as a white noise filled his ears. His whole body began to buzz as his mind reeled with a crazy thought. He brought a hand up to rub his shoulder. Then he pulled the material up and turned his head. It wasn’t strong but it was there. Just a hint of Blaine’s scent. He tried to recall the exact sound of the yelled, ‘sorry’. Again, the memory of the sound was drowned out by the white noise filling his brain. Was it real? Was it just wishful thinking? Was this going to be another missed opportunity?
Kurt stood and took a step toward his gate. He paused and looked back at the way he had come. The same direction the running figure had gone. What if? Kurt thought. What if it was really him? He didn’t know what to do! Which way would led to Blaine, and which direction would led to another missed opportunity? Kurt took a deep breath, made a decision and took a step.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blaine got off the plane and hit the ground running. He couldn’t wait to see Kurt’s face even if it looked pissed. Angry Kurt would still be handsome, beautiful Kurt. He couldn’t wait to tell him his story. The story of a boy with roses and a sad teen who was once inspired by a message on a postcard. He knocked into three people on his way to get his suitcase. He hoped his yelled apologies were enough to appease. He just did not have enough to time to be polite. He collected his bag and caught a cab. He read the address off the paper that Kurt’s dad had slipped into his hand before he left last night. Finally, he was on his way. He sat back and took a deep breath, maybe the first one since he left his parents house last night.
After he left Burt and Carol, he went to see his mother and father. He needed to tell them what was happening, well, as much as they would believe and understand. He needed to do this. To leave on his terms. To let them know he was leaving, but not running away. They response he received was what he expected.
“Are you telling me you are going to throw away your education for some boy?” From his father.
“Does he make you happy sweetheart?” From his mother.
He left with a promise to call his mother once he was settled somewhere. And one last disappointed shake of the head from his father. After that, he went to his dorm room to pack a bag and tell Jeff what was happening.
Now here he was, possibly just minutes away from seeing Kurt. He tried not to let his mind get too carried away with what the reunion might bring. His fantasies ranged anywhere from Kurt slamming the door in his face with a, ‘Go to hell!” To a romantic embrace with a whispered, ‘I knew you’d come”. He was snapped out of his thoughts when he felt the car come to a stop. Now or never, Blaine thought. He got out of the cab and headed up to see which fantasy would greet him.
His knock was met with silence. “Are you in there? Please let me in.”
“Are you looking for Kurt?”
Blaine stood in the hallway outside of Kurt’s door waiting for it to open. He turned toward the voice and saw a young man that looked to be about his age standing at the end of the hallway. “Yes I am. Do you know if he’ll be home soon?”
“Sorry man, I saw him leave a little while ago. He had his overnight bag with him so I don’t think he’s coming back soon.”
After the neighbor left Blaine turned back toward the door placed his hand on it. Blaine could not help but think that Kurt was running from him. Maybe after he got Blaine’s message this morning he decided to skip town instead of facing him. He let his head fall forward and the cold metal of the apartment numbers were a shock to his skin. Kurt was gone. He had chased him away, hadn’t he?
“Fuck.” The sound of the profanity echoed slightly throughout the hallway. “Fuck!” He yelled. “Fuck.” He whispered.
“Mr. Anderson. You might want to watch the potty mouth or I will have to inform the school authorities at McKinley.”
Blaine slowly turned toward that voice. The voice that dominated his memories of late. The voice that followed him sweetly into his dreams. There standing about eight feet away, was Kurt. Blaine couldn’t quite read the emotions playing over his face. After two failed attempts, Blaine found his voice.
“Hey you.”
~~~~
They stood in the hallway facing one another in silence. With a shake of his head, Kurt walked forward until he was at the door. Blaine stepped back to give Kurt room to unlock the door. It took him longer than it should have because every second he stopped and glanced over his shoulder. It was as though he had to make sure Blaine was actually there. Finally, he pushed the door open and they stepped inside.
As Kurt shut the door behind them, Blaine heard him whisper.
“Why are you here Blaine?”
Blaine didn’t quite understand the look of shock on Kurt’s face. He didn‘t understand why they were just standing there and not hugging or touching or kissing. “Are you surprised to see me? Didn’t you get my message? I thought my call would expl…”
“Yes, I got your message. It… it surprised me.”
Blaine exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his already unruly hair. “I know. I’m sorry, I should have done that in person.”
“Yes, you should have!”
“I just needed to…”
“Break my heart.”
“Say I love you.” They said at the same time.
Kurt eyes went impossibly wide. “Did you just say you love me?”
Blaine’s hand went to Kurt’s shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. “Of course I did. Don’t freak out.”
The corner of Kurt’s mouth ticked upward slightly as he removed Blaine’s hand from his shoulder and held it in his own. He took a step and tugged at it to indicate that Blaine should follow. “Come with me.”
“Where are we going?”
“To my bedroom.”
Blaine stared at Kurt for a beat or two. He tightened his grip on Kurt’s hand as he set his suitcase down with the other. He brought that hand up and pinched his own arm. Then he picked his bag back up and nodded.
“What was that for?” Kurt asked.
“Just making sure I was awake.”
Kurt caught his lips between his teeth to keep from smiling and walked them to his bedroom.
He watched as Kurt set his own bag down on the floor, which led to a question. “Kurt, where were you going today?”
“I…” He paused to lick his lips and finally let the smile he had been holding back come over his face. “I was going back to Ohio. I was coming back to you.”
“Kurt!” Blaine dropped his suitcase on the floor next to the bed and started to rush forward toward Kurt. He was stopped by a hand to his chest.
“Blaine wait. I need to tell you something before we have any kind of grand reunion. I need you to know just how important you are to me. That this, whatever it is, between us is a lot more than attraction. You are a lot more than just a guy I would like to date or be in a relationship with. You are so much more than that for me.” Kurt turned away from Blaine and pointed to the collage on the wall. “Once upon a time I thought I had lost my dreams. I couldn’t see past my own pain until I talked to a stranger on the phone who told me to have courage. I have carried that word with me for years.” Kurt turned to face Blaine. “It was you.”
Blaine opened and closed his mouth a few times before finding his voice. “Galinda?” He held out his hand and pointed a finger at Kurt. “Just wait. Stay right there Kurt.” He turned and ran to his suitcase on the floor.
Kurt watched as Blaine ran to his bag and knew that this was it. This was when Blaine would declare Kurt insane and run out of his life. Instead, he watched as Blaine opened up the case and pulled something out of a side pocket.
“I was seven when I saw this little boy in the cemetery. He was placing flowers on his mother’s grave. I so wanted to run to him and help him. I wanted to be his friend, I wanted to be a part of his life. I just didn’t know that it would take twelve years for it to happen.” Blaine held out the picture of Kurt as a child standing in the garden. He stepped forward and brushed a tear from Kurt’s cheek with his thumb. “Kurt you are so much more than some guy that I’ve had the hot’s for, for a week. I know you! You have been in my heart for years, I just didn’t know it was you.”
Kurt’s hands shot out and clenched at Blaine’s hair. He took a step forward at the same time as he pulled Blaine closer. Their foreheads were now touching their rapid exhalations and inhalations intermingling. “And I know you. I know that you are kind and you go out of your way to help people. I know that you are a goofy, sloppy, flirty drunk that wants to make art with your knight in skintight armor.”
Blaine had moved a hand behind Kurt’s head. His finger entwined with the hair at the nape of Kurt’s neck. He had moved in so that their lips were as close as they could be without actually touching. The memory of that night at Scandals came to him. He had not thought of it for a very long time. There wasn’t much from that night that made it through the drunken haze. There was an image though, an image from that night. An image of a stylish set of triplets that giggled at all of his flirty jokes. The image of the triplets in those delicious skintight pants suddenly merged to become a memory of one man, Kurt. He moved in a little closer and smiled against Kurt’s lips.
“And I know that you like boys and that you used to wear outrageous clothes so you wouldn’t feel invisible.”
Kurt pulled back slightly so he could look into Blaine’s eyes. “Wow.”
Blaine smiled again and nodded his head. “Wow, is right.” He glanced down at Kurt’s pink wet lips and back up to his eyes. “So, can we have that grand reunion now?”
Kurt smiled before pushing forward and placing his lips on Blaine’s. The kiss started slow. Just a soft touch. A taste. Blaine let his hands run down Kurt’s back and settled on his hips. He pulled Kurt closer until their bodies were pushing against one another with urgency. The soft and lazy kisses quickly turned desperate.
Kurt felt Blaine tug at the collar of his shirt. His fingers hesitating over the buttons. He pulled back and looked Blaine in the eye. The question he found there was answered quickly and without thought when he nodded and walked with Blaine to his bed.
Blaine placed one more kiss to Kurt’s mouth before pulling back so he could watch his own hands as they unbuttoned Kurt’s shirt. Blaine trailed kisses over the exposed skin of his neck and collarbone. A few more buttons led to more kisses down his chest. By the time Blaine was sitting down on the bed with Kurt still standing in front of him, Kurt found himself a panting and weak-kneed mess. He twisted his hands in Blaine’s hair when the he started unzipping his pants.
“Blaine, I need you.” Kurt bent down, grabbed the hem of his shirt and with one motion pulled it over his head. He crouched down slightly so he was face to face with Blaine and placed his lips to his mouth. He let his tongue slip into Blaine mouth as he pushed at his shoulders. He got the message as he scooted back never breaking the kiss until he was lying on his back with Kurt on top of him. They pushed and pulled at each other until the rest of their clothes had been removed and thrown to the floor next to the bed.
Blaine was overwhelmed by the feeling of skin on skin. He made himself open his eyes. He desperately needed to see Kurt’s face. He found that Kurt’s eyes were also open and waiting to be met by his. “Kurt“, he whispered. He wrapped his arms around his back and rolled them over so he was on top of Kurt. “I waited for you. I want you to know that.” He shifted his weight slightly and smiled at the sound that the simple move elicited from Kurt’s mouth. “I always told myself and my friends that knew that I was just waiting for the right time. It wasn’t true. I was waiting for you. It has always been you Kurt. I know you’ve had other lovers but…”
Kurt lifted his legs up and wrapped them around Blaine’s hips. He used them to pull him down until his arms buckled and he collapsed down on Kurt’s chest. His head was now right next to Kurt’s. He turned so his mouth rested on Blaine’s ear. “I’m just a silly romantic remember? I wanted to wait until I was in love. I have never been in love.”
Blaine pushed himself up again so he hovered above Kurt. “So that means?”
“I love you. I love you so much.”
From that moment, there were no more pauses. There was no need for either to question if they were comfortable with what was happening. There was no need to stop and ask if anything that was going on was going too far or was too much. As they touched, tasted, and moved, they found that they could not get enough of each other. Both were seeking a connection that was years in the making. Kurt arched up, his head thrown back as Blaine pushed himself inside.
“Kurt, look at me.” Blaine whispered. Kurt lifted his head and opened his eyes. Blaine brought a hand up and brushed the hair off Kurt’s forehead. “Oh, there you are.” He said and smiled.
Kurt answered with a smile of his own. “I’ve been looking for you forever, Blaine.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Change the rules, write your own history.”
~Burt Hummel~
Present time:
Kurt’s eyes traveled from the collage on the wall to the man sitting on the edge of his bed. He sat up and crawled over to him. He pressed his chest onto Blaine bare back and slipped his arms around his chest.
“What are you thinking about?”
Blaine turned in Kurt’s embrace so they were chest to chest. He wrapped his arms around Kurt and guided them down onto the mattress. They lay facing one another, Blaine ran a hand down Kurt’s back over his hip and down his thigh. He stopped when he came to the back of Kurt’s knee and moved his leg so that it was now draped over his own thigh.
“I’m thinking about you Kurt. Always, you. I’m thinking that I don’t like seeing those tears in your eyes.”
“They’re happy tears, believe me. That’s not all of it though. Tell me Blaine.”
“I’m thinking that I don’t ever want this night to end. I want to live in this moment with you forever. That way I don’t have to face tomorrow when the reality of figuring out what to do about school and a job hit me.”
“You know what Blaine? I think facing all of that tomorrow will be okay. Because that means you will still be here. Or, you can put all of that on hold until next week. You can wake me up and we will talk about it then, because you will still be here. Or next year sometime I might roll over, put my arms around you, and ask if you’re ready to figure out the rest of your life. And you know why I will be able to do that? Because you will still be here. With me in New York. In my life and in my bed. You will be here. Everything else? We can figure out later, together. Honestly, I am not worried about you. Blaine, you are amazing! Your life is going to be amazing. Okay? Do you believe me?”
“Always.”
Kurt climbed out of bed and had to dodge Blaine’s hands to do it.
“Hey, come back!”
He laughed as he ran to the bathroom. “Blaine, I’m curious about something. How did you get that scar behind your ear?” Kurt looked at his reflection in the mirror as he waited. He watched as his own brow began to furrow the longer it took Blaine to answer. “Blaine?”
“There was a dance…”
Kurt watched his face in the bathroom mirror go from shock, to sadness, to anger and finally to calm understanding. He turned away from the mirror and finished getting dressed. He poked his head out of the bathroom and looked at Blaine. He leaned his head on the door jam as he stared. Blaine sat up in bed and met his gaze from across the room. There was so much Kurt wanted to say but he decided to leave the heavy talk for another day. “Were you embarrassed when your mom responded to that homophobe’s letter to the editor in the paper?”
Blaine’s face went from shocked to grinning in less than a second. He held both arms out toward Kurt and motioned for him to come to bed. “Hey! Why did you get dressed? I want you…” Blaine’s eyes went wide when he took in what Kurt was wearing.
“Why do people always look at me like that when I wear casual clothes? I am allowed to dress down on occasion.” He said as he grabbed at his old football jersey.
When Kurt got near the bed, Blaine reached up and tapped the number three on his chest. “Do you still know how to do the ‘Single Ladies’ dance?”
Kurt stood frozen in place. He glanced from Blaine to his shirt and back again. “How many times will that have to happen for it to not be shocking any more?” Kurt asked with a shake of his head. Blaine just laughed and yanked him down onto the bed. He lay down pulling Kurt with him. His kisses were insistent and needy. Finally, they settled down and Kurt laid his head down on Blaine’s chest. “Did you miss me?”
He ran his fingers through Kurt‘s hair. “I did, many, many times. But never again.”
Kurt nodded and kissed Blaine’s chest. “Never again.”