Chapter Thirty-Seven:  Goodbye

Saturday morning after nationals found Kurt and Blaine wrapped around each other in Kurt’s bed. Carole and Burt were in Washington D.C. but were expected home the next day and Finn was at Rachel’s, so Kurt and Blaine had the entire house to themselves. They had taken full of advantage of the empty house, having only left Kurt’s bed when absolutely necessary since Blaine had arrived Friday evening.

"You’re staring,” Kurt murmured sleepily without opening his eyes.

Blaine chuckled. He would never understand how Kurt knew what he was doing without even looking. Kurt opened his eyes, smiling when he saw that he had been right. Blaine’s hazel eyes gazed back at him, full of love and adoration.

“Good morning,” Blaine whispered.

“Good morning,” Kurt answered softly.

Blaine leaned forward, brushing his lips against Kurt’s. Kurt sighed happily, resting his head on Blaine’s chest when he pulled away. Blaine wrapped his arms around his lover, holding him close. After a while, Blaine broke the comfortable silence that had settled over them.

“What’re you thinking about?” Blaine asked. Kurt lifted his head to look Blaine in the eyes.

"This is our last week of high school,” Kurt said.

“Are you going to miss it?” Blaine asked, honestly surprised. After everything Kurt had been through, Blaine had never expected him to actually miss McKinley.

“Not the school, no. But I will miss our friends and being in the New Directions. It’s the only place I ever fit in,” Kurt answered with a sad smile. “The entire group’s been there for me through everything. I know I’m still far from being able to say I’ve recovered, but I’ve come a long way from where I was a year ago. I want to show them how much I appreciate everything that they’ve done, and how far I’ve come because of it. Will you help me?”

“Of course, love. I’m so proud of you,” Blaine said with a fond smile.

Kurt looked away with a blush. Blaine chuckled, placing one finger under Kurt’s chin to turn his face back. He captured Kurt’s lips in a loving kiss. Kurt breath hitched as Blaine’s mouth moved against his, pulling him even closer. Blaine’s tongue snaked out to ask for admittance, which Kurt willingly gave. Kurt wrapped one hand in Blaine’s loose curls, tugging his bottom lip in between his teeth. Blaine moaned throatily, rolling over so he was on top of Kurt. He used his knee to part Kurt’s legs, settling against him so their entire bodies were pressed together. Blaine trailed kisses across Kurt’s jaw to his neck, sucking and nipping at the soft skin.

“You’re insatiable,” Kurt said with a groan, tilting his head to give Blaine better access.

"Only for you,” Blaine answered before continuing to kiss his way down Kurt’s torso.

K/B

Will couldn’t help but laugh when he walked into the choir room on Monday to see the original five glee members performing “Sit Down You’re Rocking the Boat,” complete with the choreography from their first year as a group. When the song was over, everyone applauded.

“That was the most ghetto number I’ve ever seen,” Santana remarked from beside Brittany.

“Just call me George Jefferson because we went from the ghetto to the penthouse, national champs baby!” Artie retorted with pride.

The group cheered. Will smiled fondly before moving to the board where he wrote “GOODBYE” in capital letters. The room fell eerily quiet as realization set in.

“This week’s assignment is easy,” Will said as he turned his back on the whiteboard. “Graduation is just a few days away and there’s nothing left to prepare for. Our work here is done. There’s only one thing left to do:  say goodbye. Underclassmen, pick a song to say goodbye to the seniors. Seniors, pick a song to say goodbye to us.”

“A part of me wants to lock these doors and stay in here with everyone forever,” Mercedes said sadly. Kurt reached out and squeezed her hand. Will smiled sadly, picking up his guitar.

“I really hope you’re about to rap,” Quinn said with a small smile.

Will laughed. “No, I’m leading by example here. This one is for you guys.”

Will began his rendition of “Forever Young,” looking around at his pupils with pride. They had come so far:  from twelfth place at the 2011 National Championships to first place at the 2012. They would never forget where they came from and what they had achieved. When Will was finished, the group applauded with tearful eyes. Kurt looked to Blaine, who nodded. They both stood, stepping to the front of the room.

“If you don’t mind, Mr. Schue, I’ve been working on something with Blaine that we’d like to perform,” Kurt said.

“Of course, Kurt,” Will said, waving his hand towards the piano. Kurt waited until Will had taken a seat on the risers before he spoke.

“I’ve been through a lot in the past couple of years, but no matter how bad things were, you guys were always there to support me, even when I didn’t see it myself. I will forever be grateful to all of you for your love and support. I’ve come a long way, and I still have even further to go. I’ll never forget how you guys helped me get here. I’m not ready to say goodbye to you guys, but there is a part of myself that I’m ready to let go of, and that’s my self-injury.”

Blaine took a seat at the piano, waiting for Kurt’s nod to begin playing. Kurt drew in a deep breath before he began to sing.

Skies are crying, I am watching,

Catching tear drops in my hands.

Only silence as it's ending,

Like we never had a chance.

Do you have to make me feel like

There's nothing left of me?

Kurt’s depression had taken over his life, but he was slowly regaining control. He would not let the bad emotions overwhelm him anymore. He was learning other ways to cope with them, rather than hurting himself. Kurt would not let his self-injury control him any longer. He would not let it make him feel weak, like he was nothing.

You can take everything I have.

You can break everything I am,

Like I'm made of glass,

Like I'm made of paper.

Go on and try to tear me down.

I will be rising from the ground,

Like a skyscraper.

Like a skyscraper.

There had been a time when Kurt had thought self-injury made him strong, but now he saw it was a weakness. It was a maladaptive coping mechanism and nothing more. Whenever he hurt himself, Kurt was giving himself over to the condition. He let it shatter him as easily as if he were made of glass, but no more. Kurt would not let self-injury take over his life once again. He would be strong; he would stand tall.

As the smoke clears, I awaken,

And untangle you from me.

Would it make you feel better

To watch me while I bleed?

All my windows still are broken.

But I'm standing on my feet.

Kurt had once felt self-injury was a part of him. Now he knew it could not be. Kurt cut the ties that bound him to it, setting himself free. He wasn’t fully healed, not yet, but he was getting there. Kurt was still broken, but he was picking up the pieces of his fragmented soul.

You can take everything I have.

You can break everything I am,

Like I'm made of glass,

Like I'm made of paper.

Go on and try to tear me down.

I will be rising from the ground,

Like a skyscraper.

Like a skyscraper.

Blaine had never been more proud of his boyfriend. It had been nearly a month since Kurt had last hurt himself. While he still had urges, instead of immediately turning to the blade, he turned to Blaine and his friends instead. Kurt was rebuilding his life, without depression and self-injury leading the way.

Go run, run, run.

I'm gonna stay right here,

Watch you disappear.

Yeah, oh.

Go run, run, run.

Yeah, it's a long way down.

But I am closer to the clouds up here.

Kurt was saying goodbye to his self-injury. He was turning his back on it, and he hoped he would never see it again. He would stand his ground and stay strong. Kurt knew it was possible that he would relapse again; he had a long way to fall, but he knew his friends and family would be there to catch him if it happened.

You can take everything I have.

You can break everything I am,

Like I'm made of glass,

Like I'm made of paper.

Oh, oh.

Go on and try to tear me down.

I will be rising from the ground,

Like a skyscraper.

Like a skyscraper.

(Like a skyscraper)

Like a skyscraper.

Like a skyscraper.

Kurt was crying openly as Blaine played the last notes. The group broke into applause. Blaine pushed back from the piano bench, pulling Kurt into his arms. Kurt buried his head in Blaine’s shoulder, allowing himself to let go of his emotions. Suddenly, the group was surrounding them, forming a massive group hug. Kurt lifted his head with a smile. He would never have greater friends than these in the New Directions.

K/B

Kurt had stopped by his locker to drop off some unneeded textbooks when he got a text message from his dad. Burt asked him to meet him in the auditorium. Kurt furrowed his eyebrows, closing his locker. He walked into the auditorium to see Burt sitting on the edge of the stage, waiting on him.

“Dad, why on earth did you want to meet me in here?” Kurt asked.

“Sit down, I want to give you your graduation present,” Burt told him.

“Is Elaine Stritch here?” Kurt asked.

“I have no idea who that is,” Burt said bluntly. “See, this is why it’s so hard to buy you gifts. I can’t make heads or tails about what you like.”

“Dad, I’m easy,” Kurt said as he took a seat in the front row.

“That’s debatable,” Burt said as he stood. “Somewhere around your seventh birthday, I lost you. Before that you were a normal kid, I mean a kid who liked to dust. But I read you to bed, I put cartoons on when you were bored, I taught you to ride a bike. Normal stuff. Then you turned seven or eight and you started to become this. And it was like I was living with an alien. I tried to keep up but after you mom passed I didn’t stand a chance.”

“You did good, Dad,” Kurt assured his father with a smile.

“I am proud of what you and I did together.”

“I’m proud of us too.”

“Do you remember when it started? When we turned a corner and started walking towards each other rather than in opposite directions?” Burt asked as he walked to the center of the stage.

“Tell me,” Kurt said, shaking his head.

“Screw that. I’m going to show you.”

Tina and Brittany walked out to stand on either side of Burt as the music to “Single Ladies” began to play. Kurt couldn’t help but laugh as his dad danced to the music, trying to follow Tina and Brittany’s lead. When they were finished, he clapped loudly. Kurt raced onto the stage to embrace his father. No words were spoken, but none were needed. Burt pressed a kiss to his son’s forehead before leaving to return to the garage.

K/B

“It was the best graduation present ever,” Kurt said as he walked into his last class of the day with Blaine.

“What about the monogrammed towels I got for you?” Blaine asked, referring to the towels he had bought with both his and Kurt’s initials on them.

“You didn’t have to get me a gift, silly,” Kurt said as he slid into his seat. Blaine ignored him.

"We’ve been putting this off for far too long,” Blaine said as he sat beside Kurt. He was glad the classroom was empty, not wanting to have this conversation in public. “Don’t you think we should talk?”

“Can’t we just have a few final days of denial?” Kurt asked.

“No, we can’t,” Blaine protested. “This is happening now, Kurt. It’s not some far off thing in the future. I’m going to New York and you might stay here. You know how hard long distance relationships can be. We’ve both seen The Notebook.”

“Do you want to know how I picture the end of my life?” Kurt asked, turning to face Blaine. “Just like The Notebook, I’m sitting in a nursing home talking endlessly about my high school sweetheart, my first love. Going on and on about every little detail, as if they matter. Only, in my version, you’re there with me, telling me to shut up so you can finish watching the American Cinema Salute to J-Lo.”

“So we’re going to be all right?” Blaine asked, still terrified of being separated from his boyfriend.

“Yes, we’re going to be all right. I told you I’m never saying goodbye to you,” Kurt said, leaning in to kiss Blaine tenderly. They broke apart before the rest of their class filed in.

Blaine looked at Kurt as the class began. His decision had been cemented in his mind. No matter what, he was going to spend the rest of his life with Kurt.

K/B

Their last class passed quickly and soon Kurt and Blaine were in the choir room once more. When Kurt had sung earlier, he was saying goodbye to his self-injury. Now it was time to say goodbye to his friends.

“I’m dedicating my goodbye song to all of you,” Kurt said, clasping his hands together. His voice broke as he continued to speak, tears filling his eyes. “But I wanted to mostly thank the men in the room who have truly inspired me. You never saw me for the things that made us different; you only saw me for the ways that we’re the same. Because in this room, it doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight. What matters is that we’re friends.”

Kurt looked at each of his friends in turn as he sang “I’ll Remember.” He would never forget them, or what they had done for him. He was forever grateful for their friendship.

K/B

Before class the next day, Rachel found Finn, Kurt, and Blaine at Kurt’s locker. She hurried up to them, breathless.

“Thank goodness you’re all here,” she said. “I called NYADA, NYU, and OSU. They sent out our acceptance letters this week.”

“Oh my god, that’s so exciting,” Kurt said.

“I’m totally terrified,” Finn admitted. “I only applied to NYU for physical education.”

“You’ll be fine, Finn,” Blaine assured him.

“We need to make a pact,” Rachel cut in. “When we get our letters, we open them together, in the choir room. These letters are our future so I want to open mine with my three most important people. Deal?”

“Deal!” the three boys chorused.

“Pinky swear?” Kurt asked, extending his pinky.

Finn laughed, but linked pinkies with his girlfriend, his stepbrother, and his friend. Their futures had been determined, now they just had to wait to see what was in store for them.

K/B

The next day passed in the blink of an eye, and before Kurt could hardly catch his breath, it was graduation day. He stood backstage with his friends, listening one by one as their names were called. Blaine was one of the first names to be called. Before he could step out from the wings, Kurt hugged him tightly, letting go with a proud smile. Blaine winked at him before he walked out onto the stage. Kurt smiled as he accepted his diploma and joined his friends on stage as they sang “Glory Days.”

High school was over. They had the rest of their lives before them. Kurt didn’t know what the future would hold, but he knew no matter what, Blaine would be there with him. His one constant.

K/B

The graduation celebration lasted until the early morning. Kurt was pulled out of slumber by his phone chiming with an incoming text message. He groggily reached for his phone, reading the message with sleepy eyes.

05/22/12 08:23 a.m.:  My NYADA letter came.

Kurt stared at Rachel’s message for a split second. Then he threw back the covers, pulling on the first clothes he found and ran down the stairs, and out the front door to the mail box. He reached in with a shaky hand, his eyes widening when he found three letters. Two were addressed to him from NYADA and OSU. The third was for Finn from NYU. Kurt ran back into the house to call Blaine and Rachel. Blaine’s letter had arrived as well. They agreed to meet in the choir room in thirty minutes.

Kurt was nervous as he walked into the choir room, Blaine’s hand clasped firmly in his own. Rachel and Finn followed behind them. They set their letters down on one stool, staring at them.

“I’m seriously having trouble breathing right now,” Kurt said in a shaky voice. Blaine wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close.

“I’ll go first,” Finn said, grabbing his letter off of the stool. He opened the envelope with an unsteady hand. His eyes skimmed the letter before he broke into a wide smile. “I got in!”

Everyone congratulated him, breathing a sigh of relief. That was one of the four that got accepted. Blaine squeezed Kurt’s hand before letting go.

“I’ll go next,” he said. He reached for his envelope, trying to keep his hand from shaking as he pulled out the letter. Blaine read it to himself before turning to look at Kurt. “I got in!”

Kurt flung himself into Blaine’s arms, hugging him tightly. They stood there for a moment before Kurt pulled back, reaching for his NYADA letter with a trembling hand.

“My turn,” he said with a heavy sigh. He tore into the envelope, opening the folded piece of paper inside. Kurt held his breath as he read it, lifting his head to look Blaine in the eyes when he was done.

“Well?” Blaine asked with bated breath.

“I did it. I got in!”

Blaine took Kurt’s face in his hands, pulling him in for a long kiss. They ignored the fact that Kurt’s stepbrother and best friend were in the room, allowing themselves this moment to celebrate. When they pulled apart, Blaine looked back to the stool.

“What about OSU?”

Kurt reached for the envelope. He tore it in half with a triumphant smile. “It doesn’t matter what it says. I’m going to New York with the love of my life.”

Blaine smiled widely, taking Kurt’s hand in his as Rachel reached for the last envelope on the stool. She opened it, her eyes skimming the letter. She lifted her head, her eyes looking over all of her friends before resting on Finn.

“I got in. We all did!”

The four friends embraced each other, laughing and crying. When they finally pulled apart, Blaine cleared his throat.

“There’s something else I have to tell you,” he said, turning to face Kurt. “My parents gave me their condo in New York as a graduation present. . . . Kurt, I want to spend every morning waking with you in my arms, and every night I want to fall asleep listening to you breathe. Kurt, will you move in with me?”

“Of course,” Kurt cried, pulling Blaine in for another kiss. This one was much shorter. When they broke apart, Blaine turned to Finn and Rachel.

“You guys are more than welcome to stay with us until you find your own place. We have the room.”

“Thank you, Blaine,” Finn said with a smile.

“I can’t believe this is happening! We did it! We really did it,” Rachel said, reaching for Kurt and Finn’s hands. Kurt grabbed Blaine’s hand and Finn took Blaine’s other.

Kurt smiled widely as he said, “New York here we come!”