Chapter Thirty-Two:  Dance With Somebody

Blaine was still acting distant. It was eating away at Kurt’s heart, but he had no idea what to do. So he resolved himself to act as normal as possible. After school, Kurt found Blaine at his locker.

“I’m so excited for this week’s assignment!” Kurt said, clasping his hands together as he leaned against the lockers. “I’m going to Between the Sheets to find sheet music. I thought I could kill three birds with one stone. I could use one song for glee, one for my NYADA audition, and one for my OSU audition. Do you want to come with me?”

“I can’t today,” Blaine said, closing his locker.

“Okay,” Kurt said, not even trying to hide his disappointment.

"Just text me when you’re done,” Blaine said before he strode off down the hall without so much as a goodbye.

Kurt knew Blaine’s distance was his fault. It had only been a matter of time until Blaine realized just how screwed up Kurt really was and decided he wasn’t worth the trouble. Kurt bit his lip, turning down the hall towards the nearest bathroom.

Once inside a locked stall, Kurt fell to his knees. As his tears fell, he rummaged around in his messenger bag until he found his razor. He had gone two months without hurting himself, but he just couldn’t do it any longer. Not without Blaine.

Kurt pressed the blade into the sensitive skin of his wrist, sighing in relief. He repeated the action, watching as the blood flowed out of his veins. Kurt leaned his head back against the wall, resolving himself then and there to keep this a secret. Kurt pushed the blade in one more time before wiping it clean and letting it fall back into his messenger bag.

Kurt wiped his arm clean of blood, not bothering to bandage his wounds. He needed to feel the sting of pain as they rubbed against his sleeve. Kurt hurried to his car and drove straight to Between the Sheets. He had just picked up a music book and was flipping through it when he was interrupted.

“Excuse me.”

Kurt looked up to see a blonde boy with brown glasses approaching him. Kurt wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone, but didn’t want to seem rude so he gave the boy his attention.

“I’m sorry to bother you but that hippopotamus head brooch is awesome!”

"Thanks,” Kurt said in surprise.

“Your whole outfit is amazing. You must get compliments all the time,” the boy said amicably.

“I don’t actually.” As Kurt said this he pushed his wrist against the edge of the music book, reveling in the pain of fresh wounds. Pulling himself together, Kurt extended his right hand. “I’m Kurt.”

“Chandler,” the boy said, shaking Kurt’s hand. “I go to West Lima High. I’m here to find music for an audition next week.”

“What are you auditioning for?” Kurt asked.

“The musical theater program at NYU,” Chandler answered.

“That’s so funny. I’m auditioning for NYADA. My callback is in a couple of weeks,” Kurt said excitedly.

“Wow, a NYADA callback? What song are you performing?” Chandler asked.

“I’m not sure yet,” Kurt replied. “I need the perfect Whitney Houston song.”

Suddenly, Chandler was standing by his side, throwing out suggestions for Kurt to choose from. Kurt laughed. He was used to Blaine’s enthusiasm and he missed it more than he knew.

“I’m sorry. When I get excited I tend to yell,” Chandler said, lowering his voice.

“It’s okay,” Kurt said immediately. “You’re just really enthusiastic. It’s refreshing.”

“Then I should quit while I’m ahead. Nice to meet you, Kurt. I know you’ll nail whatever song you pick.” Chandler paused before asking, “Can I get your number?”

Kurt froze. He knew he should tell Chandler he had a boyfriend, but Kurt himself wasn’t even sure if that was true anymore. Blaine never seemed to want him around anymore. And Kurt was lonely. What could it hurt?

K/B

As Kurt put the finishing touches on his hair the next morning, he sent a message to Blaine asking if he was ready for Kurt to pick him up. Kurt put down the canister of hairspray, checking his hair one last time in the mirror. As he picked up his messenger bag, his phone chimed. Kurt opened the message from Blaine, frowning. Blaine had already left.

The week before Blaine had driven himself, but just yesterday they had carpooled like normal. Now, once again, Blaine couldn’t even bear to be in the same car as Kurt. Kurt’s messenger bag fell to the ground with a thump. He turned on his heel and disappeared into his bathroom.

K/B

Kurt kept up a protective mask at school that day. He knew he should feel guilty for cutting yesterday, and again this morning, but he just didn’t have it in him to care. Blaine had scarcely spoken to him except for the text message earlier that morning. Thankfully, Kurt’s new friend Chandler proved to be a welcome distraction. Kurt sent the boy in question a reply before continuing to clean his locker.

“I’ve been practicing Whitney’s version of “The Star-Spangled Banner” all night and I still can’t sing it,” Rachel said morosely as she walked up to him. She leaned against the lockers, watching as people walked by.

“You’re just realizing this now?” Kurt asked unhelpfully. “I’m surprised anyone has attempted it after she nailed it to the wall.”

Before Rachel could answer, Kurt’s phone vibrated. He pulled it out of his pocket, smiling as he saw Chandler’s newest text message.

“Oh, I know what that is!” Rachel squealed. “Finn sends me cute text messages all the time. Usually they’re puns about my boobs but I still appreciate the gesture.”

"It’s not from Blaine,” Kurt told her as he typed out a reply.

“Then who is it?” Rachel demanded.

"He’s just a guy I met at Between the Sheets,” Kurt explained offhandedly.

“And what did Mr. Between the Sheets have to say?” Rachel asked.

“Nothing,” Kurt answered, tired of Rachel’s cross examination. “We just joke around.” Rachel gave him a look and he caved. “All right, look. ‘Are you an astronaut because your smile is out of this world?’”

“Kurt, are you kidding me?” Rachel asked, snatching his phone out of his hand. She gasped as she saw just how many text messages Kurt had exchanged with Chandler. “Kurt, you’ve been texting him more than Blaine.”

“It’s nothing,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes. “He makes me feel good.”

“Blaine is supposed to make you feel good,” Rachel stressed.

“You said Finn sends you cute text messages every day. Does he compliment you? Constantly try to get into your pants?” Kurt asked.

“Yeah, he’s an eighteen year old boy,” Rachel replied.

Kurt sighed. “And so is Blaine. Before, he could hardly keep his hands off me, but now. . . .” Rachel didn’t speak. Kurt closed his locker, leaning closer to her. “Have you ever heard of lesbian bed death? It’s when two lesbians date long enough that they become like sisters. Blaine and I are like an old married couple. I don’t think we’ve had an unscheduled make out session in two weeks.”

“You schedule make out sessions?” Rachel asked incredulously.

“My point is that I love Blaine and he loves me. But he isn’t exactly showing it right now,” Kurt sad as they walked down the hall. “What’s the harm in someone making me feel special if it’s innocent?”

Rachel stepped in front of him. Crossing her arms over her chest, she asked, “Would you show Blaine those texts?”

“Of course not,” Kurt replied.

“Then I guess it’s not that innocent,” Rachel said before she walked away.

Kurt bit his lip. Maybe Rachel was right. Looking to his right, Kurt was relieved to see an empty classroom. He slipped inside, locking the door behind him. Sliding down the wall to the floor, Kurt pulled his razorblade out of his messenger bag. Pulling up his shirt, Kurt slid the blade into his stomach. His tears fell as he mutilated his skin. Kurt leaned his head against the wall, breathing heavily. He dropped the blade into his messenger bag, pulling out a piece of gauze. He wiped away the blood before pulling his shirt back down.

As Kurt stumbled to his feet, he realized that he had cut three times in the past two days and Blaine hadn’t noticed. In fact, Blaine hadn’t noticed anything was wrong with Kurt at all. Kurt felt like Blaine didn’t even see him anymore. He was invisible. Kurt pulled out his phone, looking sadly at the background image of him and Blaine. Kurt continued to look at the picture as he began to sing.

I take these pills to make me thin.

I dye my hair, and cut my skin.

I try everything to make them see me.

But all they see is someone that's not me.

More than anything, Kurt wished things would go back to normal. He missed Blaine so much it hurt. He felt like there was a void in his life where Blaine used to be. And Kurt didn’t know how to get him back, or why he had left in the first place.

Even when I'm walking on a wire,

Even when I set myself on fire,

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Every day I try to look my best,

Even though inside I'm such a mess.

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Kurt was used to going unnoticed by his peers. Hell, he felt safer that way. But after joining glee club, he found he actually had friends that cared about him. But now even they didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong, except for Rachel who had found out on accident. But even she didn’t know the extent of how Blaine’s distance was affecting Kurt. No one did.

Here inside my quiet hell,

You cannot hear my cries for help.

I try everything to make them see me.

But everyone sees what I can't be.

Every fiber of Kurt’s being was crying out for help. He wanted Blaine to hear him, to save him, but he didn’t. Kurt tried so hard to bring Blaine back to him, but nothing worked. Blaine had finally realized just how imperfect Kurt was and deemed him unworthy of the effort.

Even when I'm walking on a wire,

Even when I set myself on fire,

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Every day I try to look my best,

Even though inside I'm such a mess.

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Yes, Kurt was used to being ignored by his peers (except by the bullies). It had been happening for years. What he wasn’t used to was being invisible to Blaine. Every day Kurt tried so hard to catch his attention. He dressed as impeccable as ever, putting even more time into planning his outfits (which already took several hours). On the outside, he looked put together even though he was fall apart on the inside. Normally, Blaine would see right through his façade, but not anymore.

Sometimes when I'm alone,

I pretend that I'm a queen.

It's almost believable.

When Kurt wasn’t lying in bed at night crying, he dreamt of how things used to be. He thought of Blaine’s strong arms holding him tight. The tender way Blaine made love to him. The whispered words across bare skin. The simple brush of fingertips. Each of these things used to make Kurt feel like he was on top of the world. Now they only filled him with longing.

Even when I'm walking on a wire,

Even when I set myself on fire,

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Every day I try to look my best,

Even though inside I'm such a mess.

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Kurt bit his lip hard. He pulled himself together the best that he could, carefully putting his mask back into place. Kurt gathered his courage and left the room.

K/B

The next afternoon, Kurt was surprised when he had successfully talked Blaine into a movie marathon at Kurt’s house. He dropped his things off in his room before leaving Blaine to go grab some snacks. He entered the room with a smile on his face.

“Okay I have the snacks. Our movie marathon can now begin,” Kurt said as he set the tray of food down on his bed.

“Who’s Chandler?” Blaine asked in a broken voice, looking up at Kurt with sad eyes.

“Why are you going through my phone?” Kurt asked. Blaine had never gone through his things without permission before.

“I wasn’t going through your phone. It wouldn’t stop buzzing because Chandler won’t stop texting you. ‘When we go to New York, let’s go to the front of The Plaza and reenact the end of The Way We Were,’” Blaine read.

“Give me my phone,” Kurt said, reaching for it.

Blaine moved out of Kurt’s reach, continuing to read aloud, “‘Can you sing into my voicemail? I want to make your voice my ringtone.’”

“Give me my phone,” Kurt repeated.

“There are dozens of texts between the two of you. Do you know how many times you’ve texted me in the past few days? Four and three of them were about shoe polish,” Blaine said dismally.

“Why are you getting so upset?” Kurt asked. “This is all innocent.”

“This is cheating, Kurt!” Blaine said with his voice filled with hurt.

“This is texting,” Kurt said, raising his voice. “He is just a guy that I met at the music store. Nothing happened. You used to text Sebastian all the time. You’d call him even!”

“I didn’t like him,” Blaine countered. “And all of our texts were family friendly. You like this guy.”

Kurt sighed heavily, sitting on his bed. “I don’t like him. . . . I like the way he makes me feel. When was the last time you complimented me, Blaine, or told me how special I am?”

“I transferred schools to be with you! I changed my entire life! That doesn’t make you feel loved?” Blaine asked incredulously.

“You don’t know what it’s like being your boyfriend,” Kurt told him. “Okay? You are the alpha gay. Even Rachel wanted to make out with you. I used to get solos every week. Do you know how many times I’ve had to sit on a stool and watch you perform?”

“Then talk to me. Tell me that you’re unhappy. But don’t cheat on me,” Blaine said.

“I feel like I’ve taken crazy pills! I didn’t cheat on you! I’m sorry that this made you upset, but it’s okay!” Kurt said, taking his phone from Blaine.

Blaine looked at him in disbelief. “It’s not right, but it’s okay.”

Without another word, Blaine stormed out of the room. Kurt heard the front door slamming shut. He moved to the window, watching as Blaine drove away. Kurt allowed his tears to fall freely. Moving away from the window, Kurt stripped down until he was standing in his boxers.

Kurt entered his bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror for a split second before he opened his medicine cabinet. He removed his razorblade, noting how the metal gleamed in the light. Without a second thought, Kurt sliced into his wrists, his stomach, his chest, his thighs. He cut until the physical pain pushed away the emotional. Kurt allowed his wounds to bleed freely. He couldn’t even begin to count how many there were. The crimson flowed out, staining his porcelain skin. Completely drained, both emotionally and physically, Kurt fell into bed.

K/B

The first thing Kurt noticed the next morning was pain. He didn’t wince, he didn’t hiss. The physical pain wasn’t so bad after all the emotional anguish he had endured. Kurt pulled himself out of bed. His sheets were stained with blood but Kurt just couldn’t find it in him to care. He made up his bed so his dad wouldn’t see the evidence of his sins. Kurt slipped into the shower, watching as the dried blood swirled down the drain. Kurt wished he could float away as well.

The day passed slowly. Every time Kurt saw Blaine, a fresh bout of pain overwhelmed him. Kurt pressed against his wounds, glad he had worn the tightest pair of jeans he owned as they constantly rubbed against the cuts on his thighs. Kurt considered skipping glee club all together, but didn’t want to raise any suspicion from his stepbrother and best friend so he trudged into the choir room. When Blaine entered the room, he approached Will.

“All right, guys. Blaine is going to start us off today,” Will announced as he took a seat beside Kurt.

“This song is for anyone who’s ever been cheated on,” Blaine proclaimed as the band began to play.

All heads spun around to stare at Kurt. Kurt tried to ignore them, instead looking at Blaine. He wrapped a hand around his wrist, squeezing hard.

“This is insane. I didn’t cheat on you,” Kurt said as he crossed his legs, causing his cuts to rub against his jeans harder.

But Blaine didn’t listen. He launched into “It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay.” Kurt wanted to disappear on the spot, but forced himself to sit and listen. If he left, Rachel or Finn would be sure to follow him and Kurt couldn’t risk them finding out about his latest cutting binge. When the song ended, Blaine stalked out of the room without another word.

“I think we should call it a day, guys,” Will said awkwardly.

Everyone glanced at Kurt before gathering their things and filing out of the room. Only Finn and Rachel hung behind. Rachel approached Kurt cautiously. She didn’t speak until she was standing in front of him.

“Kurt-”

“Please, Rachel, don’t. I just want to be alone,” Kurt said brokenly.

“You know where to find me if you change your mind,” Rachel said softly.

As they left the room, Kurt finally let his tears fall. He wasted no time in finding his razor. He grasped the weapon in his hand, rolling up his shirt sleeve. Kurt pushed the blade into his skin. Again and again he sliced away at his flesh. Kurt dropped the blade back into his bag. As he watched the blood run down his arm, he began to sing.

Please, please forgive me,

But I won't be home again.

Maybe someday you'll look up,

And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:

"Isn't something missing?"

Kurt couldn’t bear watching Blaine walk away from him. He wanted to go after him, but knew he couldn’t. It wouldn’t make a difference. Kurt could only wish that Blaine would come around in time. Maybe in time, Blaine would feel the same void Kurt felt without him there.

You won't cry for my absence, I know -

You forgot me long ago.

Am I that unimportant?

Am I so insignificant?

Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone missing me?

Kurt knew it was more likely that Blaine wouldn’t miss him in the slightest. He wouldn’t waste any tears over Kurt. Blaine had all but forgotten about him weeks ago. Blaine had always made Kurt feel important. Now he felt insignificant. No, Blaine would not miss him.

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me, not now.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone.

Isn't someone missing me?

Blaine had walked away, closing the door behind him without a second glance. Even though he was losing Kurt in the process, Blaine wasn’t willing to talk things out. Kurt was dying inside without him. And no one even noticed.

Please, please forgive me,

But I won't be home again.

I know what you do to yourself,

I breathe deep and cry aloud,

"Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone missing me?"

Kurt wished some part of Blaine would realize just how badly Kurt had been hurting the past few weeks. Blaine had always known when Kurt hurt himself and tried to hide it. But not anymore. This time Kurt had been able to keep it a secret from everyone.

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me, not now.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone.

Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,

Knowing you don't care.

And if I sleep just to dream of you

I'll wake without you there.

Isn't something missing?

Isn't something. . .

Kurt had known even as he cut himself that Blaine wouldn’t care even if he knew. If Kurt went to him and showed him his wounds, Blaine would only walk away again. Anyway, Kurt knew he couldn’t approach him. Instead he could only meet Blaine in his dreams, sobbing as he awoke alone in his bed.

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me, not now.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone.

Isn’t something missing?

Isn't someone missing me?

Kurt wiped away the blood from his arm before pulling his sleeve back down. He grabbed his belongings and reluctantly left the room. He longed to sit there forever and never move again, but he knew his dad would get worried if he stayed out too late. So he drove himself home.

At home, Kurt distracted himself by going through the things he wanted to take with him to New York. He heard the door close downstairs, knowing his dad was home. He didn’t go down to greet him like he normally did. Kurt wasn’t surprised when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

“What’s with all the stickers?” Burt asked as he walked into the room.

“I’m sorting my things for my departure to New York. Pink is for stay, blue is for go, red is for trash, and green is for humidity controlled storage to keep in mint condition,” Kurt explained.

“What if I want to keep some of this stuff?” Burt asked as he picked up the scepter Kurt had received when he’d been crowned prom queen.

“You can go through my leftovers,” Kurt told him as he continued to place Post-It notes on items.

“You’re not taking this with you?” Burt asked, grabbing the picture of Kurt and Blaine from prom.

“Blaine and I are on the rocks,” Kurt said hesitantly. “I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with him. But, with that said, I reserve the right to re-Post-It later.”

Burt watched as Kurt placed a red Post-It note on a plaque. He picked it up, removing the note.

“This isn’t garbage,” Burt said.

“Dad, it’s a certificate of participation in regionals. The one that we lost,” Kurt said. “You’ve seen Hoarders. This is how it starts.”

“I’d like to keep it,” Burt said.

“Dad, don’t get all sentimental on me.”

“We haven’t been sentimental enough! We’ve been way too casual about this, Kurt. Do you realize we haven’t had a Friday night dinner in three weeks?” Burt asked.

“You’ve been in D.C.,” Kurt reminded him.

“I could’ve got an earlier flight,” Burt protested.

“Then why didn’t you? Why have you been skipping dinners?” Kurt asked.

“Because I don’t want you to go,” Burt admitted. “We’ve been doing this dance for over a decade. You know, Starsky and gay Hutch.”

“So you’ve been skipping dinners because you’re sad there’s not going to be anymore dinners?” Kurt asked. “I’m confused.”

“You don’t understand yet,” Burt said with a sigh. “I know you got a taste of it when your mom died. But as you get older you realize nothing lasts forever. Yes, we will always love each other and we will always support each other but as soon as you leave for New York everything is going to change. And it won’t change back. I am so happy for you, Kurt, and I am so proud. You know, we’ve made each other men. Sometimes I just want my sweet little boy back. I’m going to miss you, Kurt. A lot.”

“I’m going to miss you too, Dad,” Kurt said. He embraced his father tightly, ignoring the sting of his wounds.

Burt pressed a kiss to his hair before he left the room. Kurt watched him go. Now he realized just how much he was going to miss his dad.  The pain overwhelmed him. But Kurt knew how to make it go away. He disappeared into his bathroom once more.

K/B

The next day, Kurt decided he wasn’t going to let Blaine walk away so easily. He had devised his plan. Kurt had already spoken to Will so as glee club began, Kurt moved to the front of the room. He nodded at the band, who began to play. Kurt looked at Blaine as he opened his mouth to sing.

Share my life; take me for what I am,

‘Cause I'll never change all my colors for you.

Take my love, I'll never ask for too much,

Just all that you are and everything that you do.

Kurt closed his eyes as he began to sing, not ready to see Blaine’s reaction. After the first line, he drew up enough courage to look at Blaine. Kurt noticed Mike Chang turning to look at Blaine, who glared at him until he turned around. Kurt took that as a bad sign. If this didn’t work, he didn’t know what would.

I don't really need to look very much further.

I don't want to have to go where you don't follow.

I won't hold it back again, this passion inside.

Can't run from myself;

There's nowhere to hide.

Kurt sang with all the passion and love he felt for Blaine. He wanted Blaine more than anything in the world. He needed him by his side. Kurt couldn’t pretend anymore. He let all of his emotions out that he had been hiding. He couldn’t run away from them any longer.

Don't make me close one more door.

I don't wanna hurt anymore.

Stay in my arms if you dare.

Or must I imagine you there?

Don't walk away from me. . . .

I have nothing, nothing, nothing!

Kurt refused to let Blaine walk away from him without trying to fix things. All he wanted was for things to go back to normal. Kurt didn’t want to hurt anymore. He had hurt so much for so long. And losing Blaine only increased that pain tenfold.

Don't make me close one more door.

I don't wanna hurt anymore.

Stay in my arms if you dare.

Or must I imagine you there?

Don't walk away from me. . . .

No, don’t walk away from me. . . .

Don't you dare walk away from me!

I have nothing, nothing, nothing,

If I don't have you, you, you, you.

If I don’t have you, oh, oh.

Blaine was moved to tears by the end of the song, and he even applauded. Kurt wanted to talk to him but the fear and pain stopped him. Instead, Kurt retreated to the nearest bathroom where he found solace in the razor once more.

K/B

By last period, Kurt couldn’t stand it anymore. He needed to talk to someone so he asked for permission to go see Emma. After hearing what was going on, she called Blaine into the office. Blaine paused when he saw Kurt was there, but took a seat nonetheless.

“I’m confused. Why did you call me here?” Blaine asked.

“Kurt said you two might need a little couple’s counseling,” Emma explained.

“Are you qualified for that?” Blaine asked rudely.

“Not really,” Emma admitted, “Or at all. But Sam and Mercedes came to me and I think they found it helpful.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure they broke up,” Blaine said slowly.

“Brutal honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship,” Emma said after a pause. “I want you to know that this is a safe space for you to air your differences.”

“Okay. First, Kurt has been texting this guy and I got really upset, although a while back I was sort of doing the same thing,” Blaine began.

“With a guy that almost blinded him!” Kurt cut in. “Blaine, I sang you a song to express my regrets.”

“Okay, if we’re here to be brutally honest there are a few things I’d like to say,” Blaine said.

“I’m actively listening,” Kurt replied.

Emma winked at him.

“For starters, Kurt tends to snap his fingers at wait staff. The cheesecake is on it’s way, Kurt, you don’t have to snap your fingers. It won’t make it come any faster. And please stop slipping bronzer into my moisturizer.”

“You look good with a little color,” Kurt protested.

“I only use it on my hands. It looks weird if a person only has tan hands!” Blaine exclaimed. “And while we’re being perfectly honest, I don’t like how every conversation we have ends up about NYADA or OSU. All we talk about is your auditions and the likelihood of you getting into either college.” Blaine paused. “It’s like you can’t wait to leave me. How is that supposed to make me feel? In a few months, I’m going to be in New York, alone. And you’ll be here. . . . I know I’ve been distant lately. I’m sorry. I guess I was just trying to practice what life would be like without you. . . . You are the love of my life, Kurt, and I’m hurt that next year I’m going to have to learn what being alone is like.”

“Blaine, we don’t know for sure that I’m going to OSU. You know NYADA is my first choice. You know I want to be with you more than anything. And if worse comes to worse and I do go to OSU, you won’t be alone. We’ll Skype every day and I’ll come visit you so often you’ll get sick of me. I promise you, you aren’t going to lose me.”

“I love you so much,” Blaine said.

“I love you too,” Kurt said with a smile.

Blaine leaned in to kiss him quickly before enveloping him in a tight hug. Kurt held on like Blaine was the only thing keeping him afloat. When they pulled apart, they thanked Emma profusely before exiting her office.

“Do you want to talk some more?” Blaine asked nervously.

“Of course. Let’s go to the choir room. It should be empty,” Kurt said.

They settled into their usual seats, facing each other. Blaine grasped Kurt’s hands in his, squeezing them.

“I’m so sorry for how I’ve treated you,” Blaine said earnestly. “You must have felt so alone.”

“I did. Honestly, I thought you had given up on me,” Kurt admitted.

“I’m never giving up on you, Kurt. I promise. And I’m never going to leave you. Come here.” Blaine pulled Kurt over to the piano. They sat on the bench and Blaine lifted his hands to the keys.

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,

And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you.

Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,

So I'm starting to regret not telling all of it to you.

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know. . .

Blaine knew they didn’t have much time left until their auditions and the final judgment came in. Blaine regretted pushing Kurt away. They should have been spending all of their time together. He was determined to make up for his mistakes.

You're never gonna be alone

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won't let you fall. . . .

You're never gonna be alone.

I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

Blaine wanted Kurt to know that he would never truly be alone, no matter how much he felt like it. Blaine wouldn’t let him fall off of his path. He would catch him and guide him back. And when the pain became too much to bear, Blaine would hold him until his tears subsided.

And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,

'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you.

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know. . . .

You're never gonna be alone

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won't let you fall.

When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.

We're gonna see the world out,

I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

Blaine could see his future with Kurt clearly. Whether they both went to New York or not, their futures were tied together. Blaine was going to spend the rest of his life loving Kurt. One day, he was going to marry him. They would raise children together. They would be happy.

Oh!

You've gotta live every single day,

Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?

Don't let it slip away,

Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.

Every single day,

Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?

Tomorrow never comes. . . .

They had wasted so much time the past few weeks. Everything could end tomorrow, and Blaine would regret not spending every last moment with Kurt. That was ending now. Blaine wouldn’t let time slip away from them again.

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,

And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.

You're never gonna be alone

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won't let you fall.

When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.

We're gonna see the world out,

I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

Blaine knew one thing for sure. They would be together forever. He was never letting Kurt go. He loved him far too much to watch him walk away.

I'm gonna be there always.

I won't be missing one more day.

I'm gonna be there always.

I won't be missing one more day.

Blaine turned to Kurt, lifting his hands from the keys. He framed Kurt’s face with his hands, saying, “I love you.”

He kissed Kurt deeply, pouring all of his love into the kiss. Kurt pulled him closer, moaning as Blaine licked into his mouth. Their tongues tangled together, fighting for dominance. When Blaine finally pulled away, they were both breathless.

“I love you,” Blaine repeated.

“I love you too,” Kurt answered.

“Forever.” It wasn’t a question.

“Always.”

K/B

Kurt and Blaine split up to get their things from their last classes as the dismissal bell rang. Kurt was at his locker when Blaine found him.

“I love your jauntily placed cap, like a Russian czar,” Blaine complimented him.

Kurt’s phone vibrated before he could reply. He pulled it out, saying, “It’s not Chandler. I told him not to contact me again.”

“I know,” Blaine replied. “It’s from me.”

Kurt read the message, blushing. As he looked up at Blaine, he said, “How unscheduled of you. But what about glee club?”

“No one will be there. Mr. Schue said it wasn’t mandatory so everyone’s going their own way,” Blaine said. “Come on. Let’s blow it off.”

“But it’s glee. We only have so many left together,” Kurt reminded him.

“Okay,” Blaine consented. He took Kurt’s hand as they walked towards the auditorium.

Blaine was glad Kurt had insisted on going to practice. It seemed everyone had abandoned their plans in favor of spending time together before it was too late. They formed a massive group hug when the song ended before leaving one by one. Kurt turned to Blaine, kissing him passionately.

“Let’s get out of here,” Kurt said breathily.

They went to Kurt’s house, knowing Carole and Burt were at work and Finn would be with Rachel. They made their way to Kurt’s room, stopping to kiss along the way. Once inside and the door was locked, Blaine pulled Kurt to him. Kurt wasted no time in ridding Blaine of his shirt and jeans. Kurt bit his lip as Blaine began to pull Kurt’s shirt off, knowing what was coming.

“Oh my god, Kurt,” Blaine gasped as he took in the damage Kurt had done to himself. He had never seen so many cuts on his boyfriend’s body. Blaine’s eyes filled with tears and he sobbed, “This is my fault.”

“No it isn’t,” Kurt protested. “I made the choice to do this, not you. You can’t blame yourself for my actions.”

“I should have been there to stop you,” Blaine disagreed, shaking his head furiously.

“Please,” Kurt pleaded. “Don’t torture yourself with this, not now. Right now, I need you. I need you to love me.”

Blaine took a deep breath, nodding. He led Kurt to the bed and laid him down. As he kissed Kurt deeply, he let go of all of his anxiety for the previous weeks.

K/B

After they made love, Blaine laid with his head on Kurt’s chest. They were both breathing heavily. Neither spoke until their racing hearts had slowed down. Blaine lifted Kurt’s wrist so he could finally examine his cuts. Blaine gasped in horror.

“Kurt, these are infected!”

“I wasn’t very careful,” Kurt admitted.

“You didn’t clean them?” Blaine asked.

“No,” Kurt said shyly.

Just in time, the door closed downstairs. Blaine pulled Kurt to his feet, tossing his clothes at him before pulling on his own.

“You need to let Carole see these,” Blaine told him.

Kurt protested, but Blaine dragged him down the stairs. Carole inhaled quickly when she saw all the cuts on Kurt’s wrist, chest, stomach, and thighs. Several of them were infected. She didn’t ask any questions, but cleaned them for him with an antibacterial cream. When she was done, Blaine pulled him into his arms.

“I’m never putting you through that again,” Blaine vowed. “I promise.”

“I know,” Kurt replied simply. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Forever?”

“Always.”