Chapter Thirty:  Big Brother

Blaine had been unusually quiet on Monday, and when Tuesday rolled around he was acting even more unlike himself. Kurt hadn’t asked him about his behavior on Monday, knowing Blaine would talk to him if he needed to, but when things were worse on Tuesday he knew he couldn’t wait any longer. He waited until second period let out and they were walking to Kurt’s locker to confront him.

"Are you okay?” Kurt asked with concern. “You’ve seemed preoccupied the last two days.”

“My brother’s in town,” Blaine said as they reached Kurt’s locker. “He wants to take me out to lunch today.”

“That’s exciting!” Kurt said cheerfully as he opened his locker. “I finally get to meet this mysterious brother of yours who you refuse to talk about. I’m dying to know what he looks like, with genes like yours he can’t be unattractive.”

“Trust me, you already know what he looks like,” Blaine said.

Before Kurt could ask what he meant a man about Kurt’s height was striding up to them. He embraced Blaine.

“Hey, Coop,” Blaine said with a smile.

“How are you?” the man asked.

“I’m great,” Blaine replied.

“Is this your boyfriend?” he asked, noticing Kurt standing frozen by his locker.

“Yes, this is Kurt. Kurt, this is my brother, Cooper Anderson,” Blaine introduced them.

“Oh my God, you’re the guy from the FreeCreditRatingToday.com commercials!” Kurt exclaimed as Cooper shook his hand.

“Guilty as charged,” Cooper said with a charming smile. It seemed that smile ran in the Anderson family.

“I love those commercials!” Kurt said excitedly.

Suddenly Sue Sylvester had appeared and was pulling Cooper aside. Blaine sighed, turning to face Kurt.

“I can’t believe he’s your brother,” Kurt said.

“Well, he is,” Blaine answered.

“You don’t seem very close,” Kurt observed.

“There’s eight years between us,” Blaine explained. “Our worlds were always so different because of the age difference. The second Cooper turned eighteen he moved to LA; I was only ten at the time. So we never really got to know each other.”

“Well, now you have your chance,” Kurt said, squeezing Blaine’s hand.

Sue finally departed. Cooper returned to his brother, throwing an arm around his shoulders as they walked down the hallway. Kurt followed behind them.

“My commercial is on hiatus so I told my agent I was coming home to focus on character research,” Cooper said as they walked.

“Blaine, your brother is the best looking man in North America,” Kurt said breathlessly.

“I’m going to show Coop around-”

Before Blaine could finish his sentence Sue was pulling Cooper away again. Blaine sighed heavily, watching Cooper walk away.

“That’s why I never talk about my brother,” Blaine said, disheartened. “He always overshadows me.”

“Blaine,” Kurt said with a frown, grasping both of Blaine’s hands in his. “You shine brighter than anyone I know.”

Blaine smiled, hugging Kurt tightly. When they pulled apart Cooper had rejoined them.

“Ready to show me around?” Cooper asked.

“Sure. I’ll see you later, baby,” Blaine said to Kurt.

“Bye, honey. Have fun. It was nice to meet you, Cooper,” Kurt said, shaking Cooper’s hand once more.

“Likewise,” Cooper said with a smile before leaving with Blaine in tow.

K/B

The entire glee club watched in silence as Sue wrote ‘Lazy Idiots’ on the whiteboard. When she turned to face them, no one dared to speak.

“Lazy Idiots,” Sue said loudly. “William has informed me that my teaching methods are harsh and too extreme. So I’ve decided to show you what a real artist looks and acts like. Ladies and gays, I present to you Porcelain’s famous brother-”

“Actually, he’s my brother,” Blaine spoke up.

“Cooper Anderson,” Sue continued as if Blaine had not spoken.

Cooper took center stage. Sue joined Will at the side of the room.

“I remember what it was like at your age, wondering if my dreams would come true. Mine did, and yours can too. So tomorrow I will be teaching a master class in acting for anyone who is interested.”

“Cooper, that is very generous of you,” Will said from where he stood.

“The Anderson brothers are clearly very talented,” Rachel said from the back row. “I’m sure there was a holiday where the two of you performed a duet.”

“Actually, it’s funny you should mention that. Blaine and I were famous for our performances,” Cooper said, walking towards his brother.

“No, please don’t make me do this,” Blaine protested.

“Blaine, you have to. You’re both so good looking,” Kurt said.

“How about a little Duran Duran?” Cooper asked. He turned to Will. “Is that okay?”

“Go ahead,” Will said with a nod.

Everyone applauded as Blaine reluctantly joined Cooper at the front of the room. Blaine unbuttoned his cardigan and threw it on the piano. He unbuttoned his sleeves and rolled them up as he walked back to his brother.

Blaine actually enjoyed performing with his brother. He felt closer to him than he ever had before and was glad Kurt had insisted he did this. That is, he did until the song was over and Cooper opened his mouth.

“Standing O,” Cooper said, throwing an arm over Blaine’s shoulders. “I was really great in that number.”

Blaine frowned, hurrying back to his seat so he wouldn’t have to listen to Cooper’s narcissism any longer. Kurt noticed he was upset and held him back after the club was dismissed.

“What’s wrong?” Kurt asked.

“As usual Cooper has to make everything about himself,” Blaine said, shaking his head. “I never feel like I’m good enough when he’s around.”

“Oh, honey, you’re more than good enough. Yes, you’re both ridiculously talented but your brother doesn’t have the same amount of passion as you do,” Kurt said comfortingly.

Blaine gave him a weak smile. He was leaning into kiss him when Cooper entered the room.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Cooper said, not sounding sorry at all. “Are you ready to go to lunch?”

“Sure,” Blaine sighed. He kissed Kurt chastely before following his brother out the door.

K/B

“How was lunch?” Kurt asked later that night. He heard Blaine sigh through the phone.

“Cooper says he wants to be closer to me,” Blaine said incredulously.

“But?” Kurt probed.

“But I doubt he’s ever going to change,” Blaine admitted.

“You don’t know until you give him a chance,” Kurt reminded him.

“I know. I’m going to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Blaine said suddenly.

“Okay,” Kurt said, a little hurt that Blaine was cutting their nightly conversation so short. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Blaine answered.

“Forever?” Kurt asked, but Blaine had already hung up. For the first time, the question went unanswered.

K/B

Listening to Cooper as he “taught” about acting only made Blaine angrier than before. Everyone was hanging on his every word, including Kurt.

"Why are you writing this down?” Blaine asked, but Kurt didn’t answer him.

“The key to a dramatic scene is pointing,” Cooper said.

Blaine groaned. “That’s not true at all. That’s terrible advice.”

“I’m sorry, Blaine. Are you a spokesman for a fast-growing website?” Cooper asked, stepping forwards. Blaine only glared at his brother. “I didn’t think so. Let’s focus.” Cooper strode back to the front. “Don’t forget that you should SCREAM ALL YOUR LINES, because you’re a REALLY INTENSE ACTOR!”

Blaine bit his lip, fighting to hold back his temper. He knew he shouldn’t have come to this, but he had told Cooper he would. Still, he wanted to try for a relationship with his brother so when Cooper asked him to read lines with Rachel, he agreed.

“What we don’t know is Sergeant Pembrook wearing a dress,” Rachel said, pointing her finger straight in Blaine’s face.

Blaine took a step away from Rachel, looking down at the script. “There was a rumor that Sergeant Pembrook was a transvestite.”

“No, no, say that line again but this time point your finger,” Cooper interrupted.

“I don’t feel like pointing, Coop. It just seems stupid,” Blaine said.

“When a choice feels wrong it’s a good sign. It means you’re right on the edge there-”

“I don’t know about that,” Blaine cut him off.

Cooper continued to try to argue with him but finally Blaine had had enough.

“You’re my brother!” Blaine exclaimed. “Would it kill you to be supportive of me?”

“I’m sorry were you talking to me? I couldn’t tell because you weren’t pointing your finger,” Cooper said, pointing at Blaine.

“I’m done,” Blaine said, striding out of the room.

Kurt paused for a second before snatching up both of their messenger bags and hurrying after him. He saw Blaine disappear into an empty classroom and followed him.

"You forgot your bag,” Kurt said, handing it to Blaine who dropped it on the floor. Kurt waited for Blaine to speak but soon it became clear he wasn’t going to. Kurt asked tentatively, “Are you okay?”

“Why are you so taken by him?” Blaine demanded.

“Cooper is your brother,” Kurt answered slowly. “I just want to make a good impression.”

Kurt sighed, stepping closer to Blaine. He took Blaine’s hands in his and brought them up to his lips. He continued to grasp them as he spoke, “You know that you are everything to me. I know you feel overshadowed by your brother but believe me, that’s not true with me. I don’t know what I would do without you, Blaine. You’ve done so much for me in such a short amount of time. I’ve caused you pain and you still stick by me, even though you don’t have to. You gave me the courage to admit I had a problem and to start recovery. And I am forever grateful to you.”

Blaine closed his eyes. Kurt brought up a hand to cradle his face as he began to sing.

I’m not a perfect person.

There’s many things I wish I didn’t do.

But I continue learning.

I never meant to do those things to you.

And so I have to say before I go,

That I just want you to know.

Kurt wished he had never started hurting himself. He wished he could say he would never do it again and be through with it. But things were never that easy. Kurt wished he could tell Blaine he would never cut again, knowing that his self-injury caused Blaine pain. He had never wanted to hurt Blaine and he never wanted to hurt him again.

I’ve found a reason for me,

To change who I used to be.

A reason to start over new,

And the reason is you.

When Kurt first started hurting himself, he thought he had found the perfect solution to his pain. But Blaine helped him to see it for what it really was:  a maladaptive coping mechanism. Blaine had given him the courage to admit that he needed help. Without Blaine, Kurt never would have started the long road to recovery.

I’m sorry that I hurt you.

It’s something I must live with every day.

And all the pain I put you through,

I wish that I could take it all away.

And be the one who catches all your tears,

That’s why I need you to hear.

Each time Kurt hurt himself, he dreaded having to tell Blaine. Not only did he feel guilty for his actions, but he knew his actions hurt Blaine. More than anything, Kurt wanted to protect Blaine from any harm. He wanted to take all of his pain away. But to know that he was the one causing him pain, that killed Kurt.

I’ve found a reason for me,

To change who I used to be.

A reason to start over new,

And the reason is you.

And the reason is you.

And the reason is you.

And the reason is you.

I’m not a perfect person.

I never meant to do those things to you.

And so I have to say before I go,

That I just want you to know.

Kurt owed everything to Blaine. He didn’t know if he would have even told someone about his cutting if Blaine hadn’t discovered it on his own. Kurt hated to think how far he would have succumbed to his addiction if not for Blaine. Kurt knew about accidental suicide among self-mutilators, and he knew how close he came to being one of those statistics. He had been lucky, very lucky. He had heard horror stories of people who cut through major arteries, or went into cardiac arrest due to blood loss. Lucky did not begin to describe how Kurt felt.

I’ve found a reason for me,

To change who I used to be.

A reason to start over new,

And the reason is you.

I’ve found a reason to show,

A side of me you didn’t know.

A reason for all that I do,

And the reason is you.

Blaine smiled when Kurt was finished singing. He squeezed Kurt’s hand before speaking, “You give me too much credit.”

“You don’t give yourself enough,” Kurt disagreed. “You’re the reason I’m still alive.”

Blaine pulled Kurt into a tight hug. They held each other close until Kurt finally pulled back to whisper, “Kiss me.”

Blaine complied, closing the distance between their lips. He began to pull away but Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine’s neck, pulling him closer. He traced Blaine’s lips with his tongue. Blaine moved his hands to Kurt’s shoulder, gently pushing him away.

“I should go apologize to Mr. Schue,” Blaine said as he took a step away from Kurt.

“Oh, okay,” Kurt said, trying to hide the sting of Blaine’s rejection.

“Do you think I can stay the night at your house? I can’t deal with Cooper tonight,” Blaine asked as he shouldered his messenger bag.

“It shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll have to call Dad and ask,” Kurt said. He was confused. First Blaine had rejected him and now he was asking for a sleepover?

“Thanks. I’ll meet you in the parking lot. I love you.” Blaine brushed his lips against Kurt’s cheek.

“I love you too,” Kurt answered.

Blaine walked out the door. His unspoken question of “Forever?” rang through the air, piercing Kurt’s heart.

K/B

The night passed by slowly. Blaine still wasn’t acting like himself. Kurt was glad when Blaine finally said he was ready for bed. They bid goodnight to Carole and Burt, heading up the stairs to Kurt’s room. Miraculously, Burt had forgotten to tell them to keep Kurt’s room door open. But it seemed Blaine had no intention of taking advantage of Burt’s forgetfulness.

Blaine changed into his pajamas quickly before slipping under the covers. Kurt didn’t speak as he pulled on his own pajamas and sat at his vanity for his moisturizing routine. When he was finally done, Blaine was already asleep. Kurt smiled at the peaceful expression on his lover’s face. He spooned up behind Blaine, wrapping one arm tightly around Blaine’s waist, pulling him back against him. Blaine sighed happily in his sleep.

While sleep had come to Blaine easily, it evaded Kurt for hours. And when he finally fell into a deep slumber, he was haunted by nightmares. Just after three o’clock in the morning, Blaine awoke to feel Kurt thrashing in his sleep behind him. Blaine spun around, ignoring the bedcovers as they tangled around his legs. Blaine cupped Kurt’s cheek with one hand.

“Kurt, wake up. It’s only a dream,” Blaine said as he pressed his lips to Kurt’s forehead.

Kurt drew in a sharp breath as he awoke, tears streaming down his face. Blaine collected him into his arms, holding him close to his chest. Kurt grasped Blaine’s shirt tightly in his hands. Blaine rocked him slowly, trying to calm Kurt’s erratic breathing.

“Shh, you’re okay,” Blaine said soothingly. He pressed a kiss to the top of Kurt’s head before he began to sing.

Be still and know that I’m with you.

Be still and know that I am here.

Be still and know that I’m with you.

Be still, be still, and know.

Blaine was glad he had asked to stay the night with Kurt. Miraculously, six months had passed since Kurt’s last nightmare. Blaine didn’t know if Kurt would be able to stop himself from cutting if he hadn’t been there, as that was how he always reacted from a nightmare. Blaine always hated when Kurt had a nightmare and he wasn’t able to hold him and offer him comfort. This time Kurt didn’t have to make due with hearing Blaine’s voice over the phone.

When darkness comes upon you,

And covers you with fear and shame.

Be still and know that I’m with you,

And I will say your name.

Seven weeks had passed since David Karofsky’s suicide attempt. After Kurt’s relapse, things seemed to get better. Kurt hadn’t hurt himself since, though it hadn’t been easy. Many nights he cried to Blaine over the phone, but he always resisted the urges, no matter how strong they were. Dr. Madsen had even said if Kurt kept up his progress their sessions could go from biweekly to monthly. Blaine was glad that the cloud of darkness had finally dispersed from over his boyfriend. His anxiety had lessened and Kurt seemed happier. All Blaine wanted was for Kurt to be happy and healthy.

If terror falls upon your bed,

And sleep no longer comes.

Remember all the words I said.

Be still, be still, and know.

Blaine hoped the nightmares wouldn’t return and the one that had plagued Kurt tonight was a one time thing. Whenever Kurt was having nightmares they affected many aspects of his life. While he kept up his schoolwork, Kurt had little energy for other activities outside of glee club. The nightmares, coupled with insomnia, drained Kurt’s energy and he was often exhausted. He wouldn’t hardly see any of his friends, other than Blaine of course. Blaine knew that wasn’t the way Kurt had invisioned his senior year.

And when you go through the valley,

And the shadow comes down from the hill.

If morning never comes to be,

Be still, be still, be still.

Even in times of happiness, Kurt was waiting for the shadow to darken his doorstep once more. He knew the light couldn’t last forever, and when it had died the darkness would close in around him once more. But Blaine was always there, the one source of hope in his depression.

If you forget the way to go,

And lose where you came from.

If no one is standing beside you,

Be still and know I am.

Blaine knew Kurt had often felt alone and lost over the past few years, and he was determined those feelings would plague Kurt no longer. Blaine was constantly trying to remind Kurt that he had so many people who loved him. Even though he had felt alone, he had never been alone. And while he may have been lost, Blaine had found him and shown him the way back to the light.

Be still and know that I’m with you.

Be still and know I am.

Kurt’s breathing had evened out and Blaine knew he was asleep. He moved Kurt from his lap and laid him down gently, smiling when Kurt curled into his side, his head resting on Blaine’s shoulder and one hand over Blaine’s heart. Blaine linked his fingers through Kurt’s before falling asleep.

K/B

The next day, Blaine found Cooper in the hallway after school. He was talking to a student. As the student walked away Cooper called out, “Tweet me!” Seeing his brother, Cooper turned towards him with a smile.

“Ask me why I’m so happy, squirt,” Cooper said, clasping his hands together.

“Don’t call me that,” Blaine said in annoyance.

“My life is about to change completely. I got an audition for a Michael Bay movie,” Cooper said excitedly.

“That’s great,” Blaine said apathetically.

“Hello, did you hear me? Michael freaking Bay! The movie’s untitled which you know is code from Transformers Four.” Cooper paused. “You don’t seem very happy for me.”

“I’m thrilled,” Blaine said sarcastically.

“You have a weird way of showing it,” Cooper said with a frown. “It wouldn’t kill you to smile, or to let Kurt stop picking out your clothes.”

“He does not,” Blaine protested.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Cooper said. “Why don’t we have our own ditch day? You can help me run lines!”

“It’s all about you, isn’t it? Well you know what, big brother? I’m sick of it and I’m not going to take it anymore,” Blaine said angrily.

He stalked off towards the weight room where he stripped off his vest and shirt. He took out all of his frustration and anger on the punching bag, only stopping when his muscles began to protest. Blaine grabbed a towel and disappeared into one of the shower stalls, washing off all of the sweat and bad emotions of the day. Once he was dressed again, he applied gel to his hair and headed towards the auditorium. Though boxing had helped, he was still unbearably angry at his brother. Pacing the stage, he began to sing “Fighter.” He had been so focused that he didn’t notice Kurt standing to the side until he had finished singing.

“Feeling better?” Kurt asked knowingly.

“Much,” Blaine replied.

“I know your brother’s getting to you but just think about tomorrow. We’ll be at Six Flags and he’ll still be here,” Kurt tried to cheer him up.

“About that,” Blaine started. “I’m not going.”

“What? Why not?” Kurt asked, disappointed. He had been looking forward to spending time with Blaine away from Lima.

“I’d just bring everyone else down,” Blaine said, swinging his messenger bag onto his shoulder. “You go on without me and have fun.”

“It won’t be as fun without you there,” Kurt said sadly.

“You’ll be with Rachel and Mercedes. Nothing is ever boring with those two around,” Blaine said, taking Kurt’s hand in his as they headed towards the parking lot.

“I suppose you’re right,” Kurt said with a sigh. “I just wish you were going.”

“You’ll still see me on Friday,” Blaine reminded him.

“I know,” Kurt said as he climbed behind the steering wheel of his Navigator. He was disappointed that Blaine wasn’t going to Six Flags, but he was also determined to enjoy his senior ditch day. After all, it was the only one he’d ever have.

K/B

Admittedly, Kurt did have fun at Six Flags. Mercedes and Rachel kept him entertained and they rode every ride they could fit into one day. Kurt still wished Blaine had come with them, but his best friends offered very little time for him to dwell on Blaine’s absence.

Kurt didn’t see Blaine much Friday, but he managed to catch him by his locker after school. Kurt snuck up behind Blaine’s open locker door, poking the head of the stuffed dog he had for Blaine around the side of the door.

“Hello,” Kurt said in a British accent, keeping his head out of sight. “I’m Margaret Thatcher Dog. My relationship with the queen was ruff.”

Kurt moved from out behind the locker with a smile. Kurt chuckled. Blaine couldn’t fight back his grin.

“Look what Finn won you playing Skee Ball,” Kurt said cheerfully.

“Finn won this?” Blaine asked in disbelief.

“Well, technically he won it for Rachel. She kept making him win things for her. At the end of the day she had fourteen and I confiscated this one for you, since there was no convincing you to come with us,” Kurt said.

“I told you I just would’ve brought you guys down,” Blaine said, closing his locker and turning to walk down the hall.

“Look,” Kurt said, following him. “I understand. Family stuff is hard, especially between siblings. I mean, Finn and I aren’t even real brothers and we still disagree on just about everything. But I love the big lug, and at the end of the day we support each other. You only have one brother, Blaine. Don’t give up on him.”

“He’s the one who’s leaving,” Blaine said angrily.

“Actually, he hasn’t left yet,” Kurt corrected him, having spoken to Cooper earlier that day. “He’s waiting in the auditorium hoping you’ll talk to him.”

“I’ve tried to talk to him,” Blaine said in exasperation. “It doesn’t work with him. He never listens.”

“Maybe talking isn’t the answer,” Kurt said. “Maybe you need to show him how you really feel in the best, most honest way you know how.”

Blaine instantly knew what Kurt meant. He sighed, squeezing Kurt’s hand before he started down the hall towards the auditorium. He pushed open the door to backstage. Cooper was in one of the audience chairs, waiting for him. Blaine looked at him as he began to sing “Somebody That I Used to Know.”

“That’s the best you’ve ever sounded,” Cooper complimented as the song came to an end. “I know I’m tough on you, this week more than I should have been. I am sorry for that. But it’s only because I know, I’ve always known, how insanely talented you are. I want you to be as successful as possible, Blaine, and you will be. You’re going to do it all. Your dreams are going to come true, whatever they may be. Movies, concerts, Broadway.”

“Even though it’s dead?” Blaine asked.

“When I’m in the audience watching you,” Cooper continued, slinging an arm over Blaine’s shoulders, “I want to be able to say ‘That’s my little brother. I helped him get there.’”

“Thanks, Coop. And I knew you really meant it because you weren’t pointing your finger at me or SPEAKING REALLY LOUDLY TO BE INTENSE,” Blaine teased his brother.

“All right, all right,” Cooper laughed. “Look, even though we don’t live in the same town, I don’t want us to just be brothers. I want us to be friends too.”

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted us to be, Coop,” Blaine said honestly.

Cooper pulled him into a hug. When he pulled back he spoke, “I meant it when I said your dreams are going to come true. I’ll support you all the way, no matter what. I want to know your hopes and dreams for the future and I want to help you make them come true.”

Blaine smiled. “I want to go to NYU. I want to perform on Broadway. But most of all I want to spend the rest of my life with Kurt. I’m going to marry him one day.”

“And all of those things will happen, Blaine,” Cooper assured him.

Blaine knew the future was still unsure, but he now knew his brother would always be there to support him. And that was all Blaine had ever wanted from his brother.