Chapter Nine: Night of Neglect

Kurt led Blaine through the halls of McKinley, reminiscing. He missed his friends so much, and being here hurt more than anything. But when Mercedes had called inviting him to the performance, he couldn’t turn her down. After all, he hadn’t seen his McKinley friends as much since he had transferred to Dalton. And what kind of friend would he be if he didn’t come out to support them?

“You miss it.” Blaine observed, squeezing Kurt’s hand which was clasped in his.

“I do.” Kurt admitted. He led Blaine around a corner, turning to face him. He brought his arms up around his boyfriend’s neck, still not quite believing he could do this now. “But if I had never left McKinley, we wouldn’t be together.”

“That’s not true. We would have found our way to each other eventually. It would’ve just taken longer. We were already close when you transferred.” Blaine pointed out, bringing his hands up to rest on Kurt’s hips.

“You really believe that?” Kurt asked, his eyes shining with some unspoken emotion.

“I do.” Blaine lifted his head up, and Kurt bent his so their lips brushed together.

“What the hell are you two doing here?”

Kurt tore himself away from Blaine when he heard the familiar voice. Fear crept its way up his spine, but he forced it down, ignoring the bitter taste it left in his mouth. He wasn’t about to let this bully drive him away from supporting his friends.

“We’re here for the concert, Karofsky.” Kurt held Blaine’s hand in a death grip, drawing strength from his touch. “I’m going to assume you aren’t here for the same reason.”

“Hell, no. I wouldn’t be caught dead at some gay choir benefit. I was working out when I heard you were here, spreading your gayness.” Karofsky took a step towards the pair.

“Hey, back off.” Blaine stepped forwards, pushing Kurt behind him slightly. “We all know what this is really about. We didn’t come here to tell anyone about you. We came to see Kurt’s friends. We didn’t even know you would be here.”

“You don’t know anything,” Karofsky said angrily, pushing Blaine. Blaine shoved the jock back, harder. Karofsky was coming towards him again when Santana appeared, helping Kurt to push the two away.

“You’re real brave with your fists, but you’re a coward when it comes to the truth,” Kurt told him. Karofsky tried to brush the words off, but his eyes were instantly on Santana’s face, waiting to see her reaction.

“The truth about what?” Santana asked.

“It’s none of your business, J-Lo.” Karofsky sneered.

“First off, it became my business when you threw a slushy in my face.” Kurt couldn’t believe that Santana of all people had been slushied. He understood when it was the rest of the glee club. They were all outcasts, but not Santana.

“I think I can take two queers and a girl.” Karofsky smirked. Kurt wanted to turn and flee. He wanted this to end. This violence was the exact reason why he had left McKinley in the first place. But he couldn’t run, not again. So he held his ground.

Santana laughed, stepping forward until she was face to face with Karofsky. “Here’s how this is going to happen. You can stay here and I’ll crack one of your nuts, right or left your choice. Or you can walk away and live to be a douche bag another day.”

Karofsky backed away as Santana came closer. When she was done talking, he threw his hands up in anger and left. Santana turned back around to face Kurt and Blaine. Kurt was gripping Blaine’s hand again.

“Thank you,” Kurt breathed, obviously shaken.

“You’re welcome.” Santana cocked her head and smiled before she walked off in the opposite direction as Karofsky.

“Are you okay?” Blaine asked, concerned. “We can leave if you want to.”

“No, it’s okay. We’re still supposed to talk to my dad after.” Kurt winced at the idea. He had been dreading this all week. Blaine had suggested that they tell Burt about Kurt’s self-mutilation while they were in Lima for the benefit, after Kurt had managed to put it off for almost a month.

Blaine knew Kurt was bothered by what had just happened. He knew the boy would probably have nightmares that night because of it. He sighed, speaking before he changed his mind. “Let’s go hear your friends perform, and then we can drive back to Dalton. We have class in the morning anyway and we don’t know how long the talk with your dad will take.”

Kurt could tell this was against Blaine’s conscience but he jumped at the idea. Truthfully, he wanted to leave now but he had told Mercedes he would be here to hear her sing. And he would. So, he squeezed Blaine’s hand in his before pulling him towards the auditorium.

K/B

The performances had been outstanding, as was expected. However, the heckling had gotten on both boys’ last nerves. Kurt tried to ignore it, but it reminded him of all the bullying he had endured. As soon as the concert was over, Kurt congratulated his friends before leaving. Blaine didn’t try to convince him to stay longer. He knew the night had badly affected his boyfriend.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Blaine asked as they reached Kurt’s dorm room.

“No, thank you though.” Kurt glanced at the door. “I just want to go to sleep.”

“All right.” Blaine nodded, leaning up to brush a kiss to Kurt’s cheek. “You know where to find me if you need me.”

“I do. Thank you,” Kurt repeated. He kissed Blaine chastely before disappearing into his room. He knew he should have accepted Blaine’s offer of his company, but he really just wanted to be alone. He knew he should tell Blaine how he was feeling, but he just wanted to make those feelings go away the only way he knew how.

Kurt pulled his shirt over his head as he made his way into his bathroom. He turned the water on in the shower. While he waited for the water to warm he took his razorblade from its hiding spot in the medicine cabinet. As Kurt climbed into the shower, he allowed his emotions to finally overcome him. He stepped into the warm spray, ignoring the tears as they rolled down his cheeks. He looked down at his stomach, hating himself for doing this. But he couldn’t take the pain any longer. So Kurt brought the razor to his stomach, dragging it across his skin. He sighed at the relief the action brought. He watched the water wash the blood away, the streams of red disappearing down the drain.

Kurt went through the motions of bathing himself, careful to wash the fresh cuts. He turned the water off, grabbed a towel and climbed out of the shower. He dried himself off, letting the towel drop to the ground when he was done. Kurt went into the other room, pulling on the first pair of pajama pants he laid eyes on. Then he climbed into bed, exhausted.

K/B

Karofsky pushed Kurt against the locker, holding him against the cold metal. Kurt kicked out, fighting back as Karofsky’s hand closed around his throat. Kurt gasped in a last breath before his air supply was cut off.

“What would Blaine ever see in you? He pities you. That’s why he’s with you. He doesn’t love you. He could never love you. All you’ll ever have is me.” Karofsky tore Kurt’s shirt open, his hand continuing down to his belt.

Karofsky kept his hand over Kurt’s throat as he began to rape him. Kurt couldn’t fight back; he couldn’t scream for help, he couldn’t breathe. He was dizzy from the lack of oxygen. When Karofsky was done, he let Kurt fall to the ground. The jock delivered a hard kick to his ribs before he stepped over Kurt, walking away.

Kurt woke screaming. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he flung back the covers, sprinting across the room to where he had left his messenger bag. He slumped to the ground next to the bag, digging through it until he found his razorblade. There was no shirt to interfere as he had neglected to wear one that night. Kurt was glad he didn’t have to wait as he pushed the blade deep into his arm. He felt the pain but it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. He dug the blade into his skin, not noticing how deep he was slicing. He began to feel faint, but he kept pushing the blade in. By the time he realized what he had done, it was too late. The world dissolved into black around him.

K/B

Blaine woke early the next morning. He wanted to walk Kurt down to breakfast. He hadn’t heard from Kurt since he had left him at his dorm room the night before. Blaine dressed quickly, for once appreciating that he didn’t have to take the time to decide what he was going to wear thanks to the Dalton uniform.

Slipping his keys into his pocket, Blaine left his room. He hummed to himself as he walked to Kurt’s room. He couldn’t believe he was so lucky to have the countertenor in his life. Blaine had always felt like something was missing, but ever since meeting Kurt he felt complete. He didn’t know why it had taken him so long to see that his feelings were deeper than he originally thought. But now that he had finally woken up, he was going to do everything in his power to make Kurt happy.

He knocked on Kurt’s door. He didn’t hear any movement from within, so he withdrew his key and unlocked the door. He pushed the door open, gasping in horror at the sight that greeted him. Kurt was lying unconscious on the ground in a pool of blood. His wrist had several deep gashes, and there were several new wounds on his stomach.

“Oh, God. No! Kurt, no!” Blaine exclaimed, falling to his knees next to his boyfriend. He pulled Kurt into his arms, feeling for a pulse. He found one, though it was weak.

Blaine cradled Kurt to his chest, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He dialed 9-1-1 for the first time in his life. He forced his panic down, knowing he had to keep his head so he could get Kurt help.

“9-1-1, what is your emergency?” The operator’s voice rang through the line.

“My boyfriend’s unconscious. He slit his wrist,” Blaine said.

“What is your location?” The operator asked.

Blaine answered, giving the operator the number of Kurt’s dorm room.

“All right, I have an ambulance in route. Does he have a pulse?”

“Yes, but it’s weak.”

“I need you to use something to make a tourniquet. A shirt or a towel, anything will do.”

Blaine pulled off his blazer, ripping a strip off of his dress shirt. He tied the cloth around Kurt’s bleeding wrist tightly. Once this was done, he picked the phone back up.

“Okay, I did it.”

“Good, now keep pressure on the wound until the paramedics get there.”

Blaine heard sirens in the background, and he prayed for them to hurry. “I hear the ambulance.”

“Good. Do you want me to stay on the line until the paramedics arrive?”

“No, they’re almost here.”

Time sped up. The paramedics were in the room, gently pushing Blaine away from Kurt so they could work on the boy. Blaine stood in the corner, unable to do anything except watch. He ignored the boys crowding around the door as the paramedics loaded Kurt on a stretcher and wheeled him out of the room. He climbed into the cab of the ambulance the second one of the EMTs asked if he wanted to ride to the hospital.

As soon as they pulled up to the hospital, someone was wheeling Kurt through the automatic doors and back into a room. Blaine tried to follow but a nurse stopped him, saying it was family only. Without any other options, Blaine slumped into a chair in the waiting room. Not long after, Burt and Carole burst into the emergency room. Blaine could have hit himself for not thinking to call them, thankfully someone had. He hurried over to Kurt’s parents.

“Blaine, what happened? I got a call that Kurt was unconscious and being taken to the hospital.” Burt was panting; he looked as if he had run from the parking lot to the hospital entrance.

“This morning when I went to get Kurt for breakfast, I found him unconscious in his room. He had slit his wrist.” Blaine hated to be the one to tell Burt this, but he needed to know. Now, more than ever, he wished he had told Burt about Kurt’s cutting. This could have been prevented.

“Slit his wrist? You mean he tried . . . my son tried to kill himself?” Burt was shocked. He had never seen this coming.

“I don’t think he meant to,” Blaine said awkwardly.

“What do you mean he didn’t mean to?” Carole asked, tears in her eyes.

Blaine opened his mouth to answer, but closed it again, unsure of what to say. He knew he had to tell them the truth but he didn’t know how to. This was Kurt’s place, not his. Kurt was supposed to be the one to tell his parents about his mental health, not Blaine. Just then, a nurse came out of the same doors Kurt had disappeared behind.

“Are you Mr. and Mrs. Hummel?” the nurse asked as she approached Burt and Carole.

“Yes, what happened to my son? Did he do this to himself? Is he okay?” Burt demanded.

“Your son did come in with self-inflicted wounds, sir. He’s in critical condition right now. He lost a lot of blood. He was in hypovolemic shock on arrival,” the nurse informed them.

“Hypo-what?” Burt asked.

“Sir, your son lost so much blood he went into shock. We’ve had to transfuse him and administer IV antibiotics so he will not get an infection. The doctor stitched his wounds, but it appears this is not the first time he has cut himself. There’s evidence of pre-existing self-inflicted wounds. We’ve placed him on a mandatory 72-hour suicide watch.”

“Wait, suicide watch? My son is not suicidal.” Burt shook his head in confusion.

“I know this is a difficult time and I can arrange for you and your family to speak with a therapist. For now, I can let you see your son. He’s still unconscious. The blood loss left him too weak to remain in a conscious state.”

“Take me to him,” Burt said. He motioned for Carole and Blaine to follow him.

“I’m sorry, sir, but its family only.” The nurse looked pointedly at Blaine.

“He saved my son’s life. He is family. Now take me to my son.”

Blaine looked at Burt in surprise, but followed him down the hall to the room Kurt had been admitted to. He gasped at the sight before him. Kurt was deathly pale, lying on an uncomfortable hospital bed. He was hooked up to a heart monitor, which was beeping steadily. An IV was taped to his elbow, connected to a bag of antibiotics and a bag of blood. That wasn’t the worst of it. Kurt was held down to the bed with a leather strap around either wrist.

Burt hurried to his son’s side, taking one of his hands in his. Carole stood by his side, holding herself together for her husband. Blaine tentatively stepped into the room. He wasn’t sure of what to do or say. He froze when Burt turned to face him.

“How did this happen?” he asked, his voice broken.

“Kurt couldn’t handle the bullying. He was having nightmares . . . it was horrible. I only found out he was cutting himself a few weeks ago. He promised me he would tell you. . . . He was going to yesterday but we had a run in with Karofsky at McKinley.” Blaine looked at Kurt as he spoke, wishing he would open his blue-green eyes and tell him everything would be okay.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Burt demanded.

Blaine turned his head to look at his boyfriend’s father. He was asking himself the same question. “I wish I had, Burt. If I had. . . .”

“I’m sorry. This is not your fault, kid. I just want answers. My son just tried to kill himself. Oh God, someone needs to tell Finn.” Burt finally broke down, letting his tears fall.

“I’ll call the school.” Carole squeezed Burt’s hand before she left.

Blaine turned his gaze back to his boyfriend, feeling helpless. He would not accept that this was a suicide attempt until he heard it from Kurt himself. No, this had to be an accident. A horrible accident. He had almost died, and it was Blaine’s fault. He should have forced Kurt to tell his father. Then, maybe, this would have been avoided. If only he could turn back time.

K/B

Finn struggled to keep his eyes open as Will droned on about their plan for nationals. He had called a morning meeting of the glee club, and none of the students were paying much attention. That was, they weren’t until Emma Pillsbury hurried into the room.

“Will, can I speak with you?” she asked seriously.

“I’ll be right back, guys,” Will told the club, turning to follow Emma to the doorway. “What’s wrong, Emma?”

“It’s Kurt. He attempted suicide,” Emma whispered.

“What?” Will was shocked. He had never seen this coming, even when Kurt was being tormented at McKinley.

“He’s in critical condition; Blaine Anderson found him in time. Finn doesn’t know yet.” Emma glanced at the boy in question, not surprised to see the entire club watching the two adults.

“And we need to tell him,” Will finished her thought. He sighed, turning back to his students. “Finn, can you come here please?”

Finn was shocked when Will called his name. He looked to Quinn next to him, who shrugged. He went to Will, confusion clouding his face.

“What’s going on, Mr. Schue?” Finn asked as he approached the adults.

“Finn, Kurt’s in the hospital,” Will said bluntly, not sure how else to start.

“He’s in critical condition,” Emma filled in before Finn could ask if his step-brother was all right.

“What happened?” Finn asked, stunned.

Emma and Will exchanged a look before Emma answered. “He tried to kill himself.”

Finn felt weak. His legs gave out from under him. Will caught him before he could fall, helping him into the nearest chair.

“Finn!” Quinn hurried to her boyfriend.

“Finn, can you hear me?” Emma asked, worried.

Finn looked up at her, unable to speak.

“What happened?” Quinn asked, kneeling by Finn’s side.

Will and Emma exchanged another look. Finally, Will sighed, looking at Finn, asking silent permission. At Finn’s nod, Will addressed the rest of the club.

“Guys, Blaine found Kurt unconscious in his dorm room at Dalton this morning.” The entire club gasped, though no one spoke. They waited for Will to finish. “He tried to take his life.”

“Oh my God,” Mercedes exclaimed, a hand flying to her mouth.

Tears filled everyone’s eyes as Emma repeated as much as she knew. The club gathered around Finn, holding one another up.

“How did this happen?” Tina cried onto Mike’s shoulder.

“You’re going to ask a lot of questions like that, guys. And there is no right or wrong answer. I know this is difficult to process, but right now we need to be there for Finn and Kurt and their family. Finn, your mother would like you at the hospital. I’ll drive you there when you’re ready,” Emma said.

Finn nodded again, still processing the news. His step-brother had tried to take his own life. How could everyone have missed this? He barely paid attention as he slipped out of the group, following Emma to her car. He couldn’t understand why Kurt would give up on life. How had this escaped anyone’s notice? Emma was right, there was no answer to these questions.

K/B

Blaine visited Kurt after school the next day. He had tried to stay with his boyfriend the previous day, but Burt had insisted on him returning to Dalton. Carole drove him to the school while Burt stayed with his son. So Blaine had skipped his last class that day to visit Kurt.

The news had spread throughout Dalton like wildfire; thankfully the students at McKinley remained oblivious except for the glee club. Blaine had grown tired of everyone prying, asking why Kurt had done it. Burt didn’t speak when Blaine walked through the door, merely nodding in his direction. Blaine was glad that he didn’t attempt small talk. He had never felt less like talking.

Instead, Blaine drew a chair up to the side of Kurt unoccupied by his father. He grasped Kurt’s free hand in his. They sat in silence for a while, both men watching the sleeping countertenor. Blaine had been staring at his face for so long, he was sure he imagined it when Kurt’s eyelids fluttered. But there it was again.

“Did you see that?” Blaine asked, squeezing Kurt’s hand. “Kurt, if you can hear me squeeze my hand.”

He gasped when he felt a slight pressure on his hand. Burt was instantly out the hall, calling for help. Kurt cracked his eyes open, wincing at the bright hospital light.

“Blaine?” he asked, his voice raspy from disuse.

“Oh, Kurt. Thank God you’re all right.” Blaine brushed the hair off of his boyfriend’s forehead, kissing the smooth skin there.

“What happened?” Kurt asked. He tried to lift his arms, frowning when something held them down. He gasped when he saw the arm restraints. “Why am I tied down?”

“You don’t remember what happened?” Blaine croaked out.

“I remember I had a nightmare, and I-I cut myself. Oh God, I went too deep, didn’t I?” Kurt closed his eyes against the memory.

“I found you yesterday morning. You almost bled out, Kurt. It was the scariest thing I have ever seen.” Blaine fought back his tears. He had to stay strong for Kurt.

“I’m so sorry, Blaine. It was an accident, I swear. I didn’t mean to. I would never leave you,” Kurt tried to reassure him.

“The hospital thinks you did it on purpose. I tried telling them it was an accident but they said without you awake to tell them so they had to assume it was a suicide attempt. You’ve been put on a 72-hour suicide watch.” Blaine felt a tear escape and he wiped at it hastily.

“I’m so sorry, Blaine. Please don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” Kurt felt tears well up behind his eyes as he realized what he had done.

“Your dad’s here, Kurt. I had to tell him.” Blaine spoke just as Burt reentered the room with a nurse.

Blaine stepped back as the nurse examined Kurt, explaining to him what had happened and the seriousness of the situation. Finally, she left. Blaine listened as Kurt broke down, confessing everything to his father, only omitting Karofsky’s kiss.

“I’m going to get you help, son.” Burt promised, squeezing Kurt’s hand in his.

“I’m sorry, Dad.” Kurt sobbed. Blaine wiped his tears away for him when Kurt lifted his hand, only to drop it back when it pulled against the restraint.

“I know, son. I know. It’ll be all right. You’ll be all right, I promise.” Burt couldn’t afford to have him any other way.

K/B

Two days later and Kurt was off suicide watch. He was also allowed visitors, outside of family, for the first time. He was nervous when Blaine appeared in the doorway that day, expecting the Warblers to be with him.

“I know today is the first day you’re allowed visitors, but some people want to see you,” Blaine told him after he kissed him in greeting.

“The Warblers?” Kurt asked, sitting up in bed.

“The Warblers.” Blaine nodded. “I know you probably don’t want anyone to know what happened, but they saw you getting wheeled out of your dorm by the paramedics and word kind of got out.”

“Oh, no.” Kurt was horrified. He had hoped to keep this to himself.

“Don’t worry. No one is judging you. They’re just worried. Do you mind if they come in for just a few minutes?” Blaine asked tentatively.

Kurt sighed heavily. “Well, they already know. Just for a few minutes.”

Blaine smiled brightly before he called out, “Come on in, guys.”

Kurt found himself wishing he could disappear as the Warblers filed into the small hospital room. There wasn’t much room, and Kurt had to move over so Blaine could share the bed with him to give the other boys more space.

“Kurt, we want you to know that we’re thinking about you and we all love you like a brother.” Wes paused. “Except for Blaine, that would be awkward.”

Kurt laughed weakly, glad for the icebreaker.

“Yeah, we just want you to know that we all care about you and we’re here for you, man,” David finished.

“We kind of prepared something for you,” Blaine told him.

“How? You’ve barely left my side,” Kurt teased.

“We managed.” Blaine laughed.

“Well, let’s hear it then.” Kurt settled back against his pillows.

Blaine wrapped an arm around his boyfriend, looking deep into his eyes as he began to sing. The Warblers filled in with the background until music swelled around the room.

Don’t give up.

It’s just the weight of the world.

When your heart’s heavy, I--

�I will lift it for you.

Don’t give up,

Because you want to be heard.

If silence keeps you, I--

�I will break it for you.

Kurt felt his heart leap into his throat as the Warblers sang. He knew they could not have had much time to practice the song, and to work out all the harmonies. But they sang it the way they sang everything, flawlessly and passionately. Indeed, Blaine’s voice was full of compassion and love as he sang to the boy next to him.

Everybody wants to be understood.

Well, I can hear you.

Everybody wants to be loved.

Don’t give up,

Because you are loved.

Kurt was so used to feeling alone that the feeling of togetherness overwhelmed him. He still didn’t quite feel like he fit in, but he felt accepted. That was all Kurt ever wanted, truly. To be accepted for who he was, and loved regardless. And here with the Warblers he finally felt that.

Don’t give up.

It’s just the hurt that you hide.

When you’re lost inside, I--

�I’ll be there to find you.

Don’t give up,

Because you want to burn bright.

If darkness blinds you, I--

�I will shine to guide you.

Kurt had felt lost for a long time. He had looked for anything to guide him on his way, but found nothing. Now he knew he could count on Blaine, and his friends, to lead him when he stumbled. He knew now he didn’t have to hide his pain and sorrow. He would not be lost forever in the darkness of his despair. Maybe he wasn’t ready to give up his razor just yet, maybe he was not yet able to admit that he had a problem, but he knew he no longer had to hide his emotions away from the rest of the world.

The music reached a crescendo. Blaine threw everything he had into the song, continuing to look deeply into Kurt’s eyes. And as the song drew to a close, the Warblers echoed his words.

Everybody wants to be understood.

Well, I can hear you.

Everybody wants to be loved.

Don’t give up,

Because you are loved.

(You are loved.)

You are loved.

(You are loved.)

Don’t give up.

(Don’t give up.)

It’s just the weight of the world.

(You are loved.)

Don’t give up.

(Don’t give up.)

Everyone needs to be heard.

(Don’t give up.)

You are loved.

(You are loved.)

(Don’t give up.)

Kurt was crying openly when they finished. He wiped at his tears with the hand that wasn’t holding Blaine’s. Blaine raised their clasped hands, brushing his lips across the bandage on Kurt’s left wrist. Kurt was shocked. He hated that bandage and what it reminded him of, but here Blaine was accepting it as part of him. He accepted Kurt’s accident for just that, an accident.

“Thank you,” Kurt choked out.

“We wanted to do it for you, Kurt. We all care about you. We’ll let you rest now.” Wes patted Kurt’s knee before he left the room, the rest of the Warblers following him.

“That was incredible,” Kurt told Blaine after they were alone.

Blaine smiled at him fondly. “You’re incredible.” Kurt opened his mouth to protest but Blaine stopped him. “I mean it. You’re truly remarkable. We will get through this together, and we’ll be that much stronger because of it.”

“Thank you.” Kurt brushed his lips against Blaine’s. “I want to do something for the Warblers in return. Will you help me?”

“Of course. What do you have in mind?” Blaine asked.

“I think I have the perfect idea.”

K/B

“Are you sure you still want to do this?” Blaine asked as they walked hand-in-hand down the hall to the choir room.

“Positive,” Kurt answered without hesitance.

Kurt had been released earlier that day. He had been excused from classes, and Blaine had insisted on spending the day with him. Kurt was grateful for Blaine, not just because he had saved his life. Kurt would not have been surprised if Blaine blamed him for his accident, but he didn’t. Instead, he showed Kurt how much he cared for him. He spent the entire day making sure Kurt did not feel alone.

“All right. Here we go.” Blaine pushed the doors open.

The room fell silent as the couple crossed the threshold. Kurt led Blaine to the center of the room. Suddenly, everyone began to clap. Kurt blushed deeply, hiding his face in Blaine’s shoulder. Blaine laughed, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend.

Kurt looked up, addressing the room. “I wanted to thank you all for coming to see me when I was in the hospital. You performed a song for me, and now I want to repay the favor.”

Blaine picked up his guitar from where he had left it behind the council desk. He strummed it gently, checking to see that it was still in tune. At Blaine’s nod, Kurt began to sing.

Out here on the ledge,

I’m not far away from stepping off.

I’ve finally picked out my cloud.

It’s the one over there surrounded by all that air.

Kurt looked around at the Warblers as he sang, returning his gaze to Blaine before he sang the next part. Blaine had saved his life. He was the best thing that had ever happened to Kurt, not just for that reason. He knew that Kurt would still struggle with his self-mutilation, even with therapy, but he was prepared for that. He would be there for Kurt; he would ensure that he was never truly alone, no matter how isolated he felt.

You reached out your hand,

And said, “I understand.

So why not come down?”

Well except for a few small bruises, cuts and scars, well I’m fine.

Oh except for a few small bruises, cuts and scars, well I’m fine.

Kurt turned to Wes, singing the next line. The Warbler couldn’t help but laugh at the expression on Kurt’s face. It was clear that Kurt was attempting to make light of the situation to an extent, even though he knew it was serious.

Thank you for asking.

I’m so glad we had this moment here.

I know they think I’m crazy.

But everything I am is everything I was taught to be.

And you reached out your hand.

And said, “I understand.

So why not come down?”

Oh except for a few small bruises, cuts and scars, well I’m fine.

Oh except for a few small bruises, cuts and scars, well I’m fine.

Kurt knew he had lied to the group when he said he was okay. He was still far from all right, but after spending so much time pretending that nothing was wrong, he could not help but fall back into the act. Despite what everyone at the hospital had told him, Kurt didn’t believe he had a problem. He hadn’t admitted that to anyone yet. Kurt had come to depend on his cutting. He saw this accident as a one-time thing. It would not happen again.

And as you read my words out loud,

Make me sound genius.

Make me sound special,

And maybe I’ll come down.

Kurt left Blaine’s side to walk through the Warblers as Blaine began to play the guitar solo. He received pats on the back and a few hands reached out to brush against his. Kurt knew they were walking on eggshells around him, but that was fine for now. He knew it would begin to annoy him soon, but for now he left it alone.

Well, except for a few small bruises, cuts and scars, well I’m fine.

Well except for a few small bruises, cuts and scars, well I’m fine.

And as you read my words out loud,

Make me sound genius.

Make me sound special,

And maybe I’ll come down.

Kurt returned to Blaine’s side as he strummed the last few notes, accompanying Kurt’s flawless voice. Kurt had chosen the song to reassure his friends that he was not suicidal. What had happened had been an accident, nothing more. Now that they knew about his cutting, he knew they would treat him differently. Kurt wasn’t ready for anything to change more than it already had, but what choice did he have?

The Warblers applauded the couple, smiling widely. Wes stood and spoke for the group, “That was beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Kurt ducked his head, blushing. He nudged Blaine. “It wasn’t all me, though.”

Blaine laughed, setting his guitar aside. “I was just the background noise. You picked the song and worked everything out on your own.”

“Yes, well, I wanted to let everyone know how much I appreciate you. I’ve spent most of the last five months just trying to fit in. Now I know I don’t need to do that if it means losing myself.” Kurt wrapped an arm around Blaine, pulling him close.

“We’re all here for you, Kurt,” Nick told him.

Kurt smiled, knowing it was the truth. He wasn’t alone anymore. And that one fact was enough cause for celebration. Kurt didn’t know how long the optimism would last. He knew the feelings of loneliness, depression, and anxiety would return. But now he did not need to face them alone.