Chapter Fifteen:  Waiting For You

Thursday November 8, 2012

Every day that Kurt didn’t wake seemed like a lifetime to Blaine. Today was a week since the accident. Blaine could tell the doctors were growing more and more worried the longer Kurt was comatose.

The day after Kurt was admitted a feeding tube was inserted through his nostrils. Much to the doctor’s chagrin, Blaine still refused to leave Kurt and remained in the room during the procedure. Two days later, he was deemed well enough for extubation. He was put on a nasal cannula. Otherwise, there was no change in Kurt’s condition.

The room was dark, which suited Blaine. It was just past three-thirty in the morning. Blaine had yet to fall asleep. He barely slept and when he did the memory of finding Kurt bleeding out on the floor replayed in his mind.

Blaine sat watching Kurt’s chest as it rose and fell, as he had come to do since the extubation. As long as his chest continued to rise, Blaine could stop himself from falling apart completely. He was so focused on Kurt that he didn’t hear the footsteps drawing close to the room and was startled when light flooded in when the door was pushed open.

“Oh, Blaine,” a pretty blonde nurse said in surprise. “I didn’t know you were awake.”

“Hi, Cathy,” Blaine answered solemnly.

“I won’t be long. I just need to change his bag of antibiotics and turn him,” Cathy said, stepping further into the room.

“Can I help?” Blaine asked eagerly.

“Sure,” Cathy agreed as she hung a clear bag of liquid antibiotics on Kurt’s IV pump. She disposed of the old bag before returning to Kurt’s side. Blaine stood up, his eyes fixed on Kurt’s face.

“First, turn his head,” Cathy instructed.

Blaine reached behind Kurt’s neck to cup his head in one hand; his other hand cradled Kurt’s chin and jaw. He was surprised to feel stubble beneath his fingers; Blaine hadn’t noticed it sooner as Kurt’s facial hair grew very slowly. Blaine ran his thumb across the short hairs, wondering if he would be allowed to give Kurt a shave later in the day.

“Now his body,” Cathy said with a nod.

Blaine put one hand over Kurt’s shoulder blade and the other behind his hip. Very carefully, he pulled until Kurt was lying on his side.

“Good job!” Cathy smiled.

Blaine didn’t reply. His eyes were again fixed on Kurt’s face. He lifted a hand, running it through Kurt’s hair; he almost laughed at the thought of what Kurt would say if he were conscious.

“Can I get you anything? Water or a soda?” Cathy offered, causing Blaine to jump. He had forgotten she was there.

“A Coke, please,” Blaine answered.

“Coming right up,” Cathy said before she turned and left the room.

Blaine settled back into his chair, taking Kurt’s hand in his. He heard Cathy come back into the room and smiled as she put a Coke can in his free hand.

“Are you going to be okay on your own?” she asked with concern.

“I have to be,” Blaine answered sadly. Because in all honesty, he was not okay; he was so far from okay. But he could not admit that to anyone, though they all knew the truth.

“I’ll be back before the end of my shift to bathe him and change his dressing,” Cathy said. She squeezed Blaine’s shoulder lightly before leaving the room.

Blaine’s eyes swept over Kurt’s prone body. He hated seeing him this way:  hooked up to multiple machines, IV antibiotics and fluids steadily dripping into his veins, and the white gauze wrapped tightly around his wrist. Thankfully, Kurt had been removed from seventy-two hour suicide watch and the only strap that remained was to hold his injured arm down so Kurt could not further injure his tendons whenever he awoke. Blaine’s fingers traced the edge of Kurt’s jaw as he began to sing.

Hello, world.

Hope you're listening.

Forgive me if I’m young

For speaking out of turn.

There’s someone I’ve been missing.

I think that they could be

The better half of me.

They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right.

But I’m tired of justifying.

So I say to you.

Blaine felt so lost without Kurt. Could Kurt hear him? Would he remember anything said to him while he was comatose? Blaine had not known it was possible to miss someone so much until now; he wished he had never found out. Kurt was his other half; without him Blaine was one half of a whole. Kurt was the better half.

Come home;

Come home.

‘Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long;

For so long.

Right now there's a war between the vanities;

But all I see is you and me.

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known.

So come home, oh.

No matter how long it took for Kurt to wake up, Blaine would not leave his side. Kurt needed him just as badly as Blaine needed Kurt. So Blaine would wait forever. He had been fighting alongside Kurt for so long, he was not about to give up now.

I get lost in the beauty

Of everything I see.

The world ain’t half as bad

As they paint it to be.

If all the sons,

All the daughters

Stopped to take it in;

Well, hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin.

It might start now, yeah.

Well, maybe I’m just dreaming out loud.

Until then . . .

Until the time Kurt woke up, Blaine would keep watch over him. Watching Kurt sleep was nothing new to Blaine, but now Kurt wasn’t really asleep, was he? If he were simply asleep Blaine could easily wake Kurt, but this was something different entirely. This was the most terrifying experience Blaine had ever endured.

Come home;

Come home.

‘Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long;

For so long.

Right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me.

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known;

Ever known.

So come home, oh.

All of the unknowns hung over Blaine like a cloud. When would Kurt wake up? Would there be lasting damage to his arm? Would he be able to heal psychologically? And the newest question:  would Kurt agree to rehab?

Everything I can’t be

Is everything you should be.

And that’s why I need you here.

Everything I can’t be

Is everything you should be.

And that’s why I need you here.

So hear this now . . .

Blaine didn’t want to send Kurt away; that’s what it felt like he would be doing if he asked Kurt to attend rehab. It would be hard on both of them to be apart for an entire month. But ultimately, Blaine knew Andrew was right. If something wasn’t done, Kurt would only continue to get worse and the next time he might not make it.

Come home;

Come home.

‘Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long;

For so long.

Right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me.

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known;

Ever known.

So come home;

Come home.

Blaine placed his hand on the bed beside where his other hand was clasped with Kurt’s. Finally, he drifted off to sleep.

Several hours later, Blaine awoke when he felt someone gently shaking his shoulder. Groggily, he lifted his head to see Cathy standing just behind him.

“Sorry to wake you, but I’m leaving soon and it’s time for Kurt’s sponge bath,” Cathy said apologetically.

“It’s okay,” Blaine said with a wide yawn.

“I’m guessing there’s no point in asking you to leave the room,” Cathy assumed correctly.

“No,” Blaine answered. “The first time I thought Mary was going to bodily remove me from the room, even after I assured her that it would not be the first time I saw my fiancé naked.”

“That’s Mary for you,” Cathy said with a laugh. “She’s been known to ask husbands to leave their wives. Can you please hold him up so I can untie the hospital gown?”

“Of course,” Blaine said.

He looked at Kurt’s prone form, not surprised to see Cathy had returned while he slept and turned Kurt once more so he was lying on his back. Every two hours, Kurt had to be turned so he would not develop bed sores.

Cathy released Kurt’s injured wrist from its restraint. Blaine slipped his arms under Kurt’s so his forearms were supporting his upper back. Cathy untied the gown and said, “Okay, you can lay him back down now.”

Blaine complied, stepping back so Cathy could pull the gown the rest of the way off. While Cathy mixed soapy water in a bucket, Blaine slid Kurt’s boxer briefs off, careful to not disconnect Kurt’s urinary catheter. Blaine stayed out of the way as Cathy meticulously bathed Kurt. When she finished, Blaine dressed Kurt in a clean gown and briefs while Cathy cleaned up.

“Are you sure you want to stay while I change his dressing?” Cathy asked gently.

“I was the one that found him . . . . Nothing could ever be worse than that,” Blaine said dismally.

Cathy nodded. Blaine sank into a chair on the opposite side of Kurt as Cathy unwrapped the bandage around Kurt’s wrist. The four cuts on Kurt’s arm were still stitched together; Dr. Cartwright said they would not be removed for another week.

“Do you think he’ll be able to use his hand?” Blaine asked. The question continued to weigh on his mind, and would do so until Kurt woke up and he got his answer.

“There’s no way to know for sure,” Cathy said.

Blaine nodded sadly. Cathy disappeared into the en suite bathroom to make fresh soapy water. She returned with the water and a hand towel. Cathy dipped the towel in the water and after she had wrung it out, gently wiped over the stitches on Kurt’s wrist.

“This prevents buildup of blood and other discharge so the stitches will come out easier,” Cathy explained as she worked.

Blaine watched as she dried the wounds before wrapping Kurt’s wrist with fresh gauze. She had just finished when the door was flung open.

“Finn, knock!” Rachel admonished.

“It’s fine,” Blaine said. “Cathy had already finished his bath.”

Finn blushed, grateful that he had not come in sooner. Rachel shook her head at her fiancé as she stepped further into the room. Cooper appeared behind her, placing both hands on Blaine’s shoulders. Blaine was glad to see him. Cooper had arrived several days ago and having his big brother there comforted him.

“How is he?” Burt asked as he took a seat on the bench under the window.

“He’s doing well,” Cathy answered.

“When will he wake up?” Finn asked.

“There’s no way to tell,” Cathy said sadly. “It could be days or weeks.”

They all knew it could be much longer before Kurt woke but no one stated the fact. An awkward silence filled the room and Cathy seized this as her moment to exit, telling Blaine she would see him that night.

“How are you?” Cooper asked, slumping into a chair beside his brother.

“Fine,” Blaine answered habitually.

“Oh, okay. How are you really?” Cooper dismissed Blaine’s first answer completely.

“I’m a mess, Cooper; how do you think I am?” Blaine snapped. He immediately regretted it. “Coop, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be; it’s okay. You’re going through a lot right now; I understand,” Cooper brushed off the apology, draping an arm over Blaine’s shoulders.

“Have you had breakfast yet, sweetie?” Carole asked.

“Not yet,” Blaine answered with a shake of his head.

“I’ll go get you something,” Carole said as she rose to her feet.

“I’ll come with you. I’m hungry,” Finn said as he followed his mother towards the door.

“Finn, you just ate!” Rachel said incredulously.

“So?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rachel shook her head in amusement but didn’t say anything else. Satisfied that Rachel was not going to start a fight, Finn hurried after his mother.

The day progressed in the same fashion. The others passed the time with conversation; sometimes Blaine would join in, other times he would read, or just watch Kurt’s chest rise and fall. At lunchtime, the others left for the cafeteria, leaving Cooper with him. Blaine was glad that Cooper didn’t push him to talk, and instead sat in comfortable silence with his brother. Around seven o’clock, Finn’s stomach growled loudly.

“Can we go eat?” he asked.

“Are you ready to go, Burt?” Carole asked gently, not about to make Burt leave his son’s side before he was ready.

“Yeah, but let’s get Blaine something from the cafeteria first,” Burt answered.

“You don’t have to-” Blaine started.

“Yes, I do; you’re my son too, Blaine, and it is my job to take care of my sons,” Burt interrupted.

Blaine was speechless as Burt and Carole disappeared out the door. Everyone sat in silence for a while until Rachel spoke up.

“You really ought to come home with us, Blaine,” Rachel began. “It would do you some good to have a goodnight’s sleep in your own bed.”

“Don’t, Rachel,” Blaine said warningly.

“I’m only saying Kurt wouldn’t want you to waste away sitting by his bedside,” Rachel continued.

“Well, Kurt isn’t able to tell me to leave, is he?” Blaine snapped just as Burt and Carole entered the room.

“Come on, kids,” Burt said quickly as he placed a sandwich in front of Blaine. “It’s time to go.”

Rachel shot Blaine a look but followed Finn and Carole out of the room. Burt and Cooper both hesitated.

“You going to be okay?” Cooper asked.

“I’m fine,” Blaine answered automatically.

Burt frowned but didn’t say anything before exiting the room. Cooper gave Blaine a small smile.

“I love you, baby brother,” Cooper said.

“I love you too, big brother,” Blaine answered.

Cooper’s smile widened slightly and with a wave of his hand he was gone. Blaine slowly ate his sandwich even though his appetite had left with Rachel’s words. Sighing unhappily, he tossed his trash into the trash can and settled back into his seat, continuing to watch Kurt’s chest as it rose and fell. Blaine took Kurt’s hand in his and dropped his lips to Kurt’s fingers. He straightened back up and began to sing.

Far across this red horizon,

I am walking down the line.

I am picking up the pieces

That this storm has left behind.

Too many days had passed without Kurt waking. Blaine was trying so hard to stay strong but it was not an easy feat. He couldn’t help but feel alone even with Kurt’s family and Cooper surrounding him. Blaine was scrambling to pick up the pieces of his broken existence, but it was impossible with Kurt’s notable absence.

After all the clouds are fallen,

I would breach the battered ground.

Turn your darkness into light, love;

Turn your silence into sound.

Blaine wondered if there was anything he could have done to prevent this from happening. He knew thinking that way did nothing to help him, but he couldn’t stop the question from floating through his mind. What if Blaine had gone straight to the apartment instead of to the park?

But I can’t cage you in my arms.

When my heart is jumping forward

To avoid your false alarms.

And you can’t tell me not to stay.

When I opened up your window

And I watched you fly away.

The fact of the matter was that there was little he could have done to stop Kurt. Blaine could not protect Kurt from everything, especially not himself. It was hard for Blaine to accept that fact but he knew he had to.

Have you raised the final anchor?

Have you cut the lesson free?

Sending off our due redemption,

Like a funeral at sea.

Blaine could only hope that this was the final straw. He hoped Kurt would finally realize how badly he needed help and would consent to inpatient treatment. But if Kurt refused, there was little that could be done. Kurt was an adult and short of having him declared mentally incompetent by the court, they could not force him into treatment.

I will always hear you calling.

You’re the sway of falling leaves.

Like a bird you’ll spiral onward.

And you know just where I’ll be.

Blaine knew it would not be easy on their relationship if Kurt went to treatment. They had not spent a month apart since they had met. Blaine was determined to find an answer to this. There had to be some way he could stay near Kurt even if he was in a rehabilitation center.

And I can’t cage you in my arms.

When my heart is jumping forward

To avoid your false alarms.

And you can’t tell me not to stay.

When I opened up your window

And I watched you fly away.

Again, Rachel’s words echoed through Blaine’s mind. He would give anything to hear Kurt’s voice, even if he was sending him away. No one seemed to understand that Blaine couldn’t leave Kurt. If anything changed . . . if he woke up, Blaine had to be there when it happened.

And I can’t cage you in my arms.

When my heart is jumping forward

To avoid your false alarms.

And you can’t tell me not to stay.

When I opened up your window

And I watched you fly away.

Tears streamed down Blaine’s face as he continued to sing and fear gripped his heart. What if nothing changed? What if Kurt never awoke? No, he couldn’t think that way. Kurt would wake up. Kurt would come back to him.

I am closing up my window,

Till I see a blue horizon.

And the quiet calm of love will fly my way.

Blaine lay his head on the bed beside his and Kurt’s clasped hands and drifted off to sleep. Hours later, Blaine awoke. Groggily, he raised his head from the bed, trying to remember what had woken him.

Then it hit him, the flutter of fingers against his hand, fingers that weren’t his. Blaine’s eyes flew to Kurt’s face, just in time to see his fiancé open his beautiful cerulean eyes.