"I don't wanna talk about this doctor," I say as I turn to look at him, the memories are just so hard for me to talk about.

"Then write about it," Dr. Potter says as he gets some patch of papers and set them on a small table in the middle of the room.

"Why would I want to write about it?" I say laughing a little.

"Well you said that writing always brought you solace," Doctor Potter said.

"But I was never good at it" I stutter slightly.

"Well no one has to read it, you can even burn it if you want after writing it. You just gotta release your emotions someway, Mr. Smythe," He says as he put a pen on the to the papers "Write about thoughts, memories, places..."

"A place," I say in a dreamy way as I look at the papers knowing exactly what I want to write about.

Half way between West Egg and the city was the Valley of ashes, a place where ashes grew like wheat into houses, chimneys, hills and smoke. Sweaty men working hard to burn the dumpsters of the golden city dreaming of the clean air out of this grotesque place, some grey cars crawling along some invisible cracks and in the middle of this grey town were the gigantic blue eyes of Doctor T. J. Eckleburg covered with enormous spectacles, the eyes looked as if they're watching everything going on in the grey town as if it's the symbol of god watching everything going on in the small town.

David has invited me that day to town to have lunch in the Yale club and while we were sitting in the unmoving train waiting for it to take us from this humid place to the town I found David pulling me up and pushing me through the people and out of the train.

(Flashback)

"Come on," David said in an excited voice as he pulled me out of my seat.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I followed him out of the train and to the grey town.

"Just trust me," He said as we headed to garage.

"Hello Jeff!" David said to the greasy guy who was fixing a back Sedan, "How are you?" David asked as the blonde guy looked at him from where he was working.

"One can't complain," Jeff said as he went to wash his greasy hands in bucket of water that was on the floor, "So what's wrong with that car?" Jeff asked as he patted the back of the Sedan.

"Oh I sent it to you so you can do some checks on it," David motioned to the car "I don't want it to be slow, maybe I'll have to sell it to someone else."

"No, no, no that won't have..." Jeff started off but soon was cut off by another voice coming from the stairs the connected the garage to the house above it.

"If it's business then you should take to me," a brunette guy with a button down shirt and the skinniest trousers I've ever seen said as he climbed down the stairs, his eyes were on David the whole time, "Will ya get chairs for the gentlemen to sit down, Jeff?" the guy said with a hard voice.

"Yeah, yeah sure I will," the guy, Jeff, said quickly before he rushed to the back of the garage to get what the other guy ordered from him.

"Hello, darling," the brunette said seductively with a wink to David as he approached him slowly.

"Hello, Nicky," David said with a smile getting away from the boy who pressed his body against him, as he heard the voice of Jeff.

"Want some candies?" Jeff calls.

"No thank you, Jeff," David calls back to the guy, "Nick this is Mr. Sebastian Smythe, my friend," he says motioning to me.

"Oh hello," Nick shakes my hand quickly before looking back at David.

"He kind of missed the train," David continues and Nick look at him with heart eyes totally ignoring me when I said "Not really,"

"I want you to get to the next train," David says as he hands Nick some cash.

"Now?" the brunette asks.

"Yes, yes, take the next train to the city," David says as he looks around to make sure that Jeff is not here yet.

"Can we talk in the flat?" Nick asks leaning closely to David "Oh Davi can we get the dog for the apartment?" Nick asked excitedly.

"Yes we'll get whatever you want. Get you brother for my friend here, he'll like him," David said motioning to me.

"No you really don't have to!" I said nervously.

"Oh my brother Chandler is a real good looking man," Nick said looking at me.

"I really don't mean it, sir, I just.." I said but got interrupted by David.

"Oh no you gotta have fun!" David said.

(End of flashback)

Next thing I remember is sitting on a cushion looking a small dog drinking milk, loud grunts and moans were coming from the bedroom as the sound of bed hitting the wall filled the small apartment and I just couldn't stop blushing at the activities happening right in the room next to me and all that is separating me and the two lovers is a wooden door.

After some minutes I found that I couldn't take it anymore, I can't do that to my cousin and his trust in me. I stood up and walked to the door, when I opened it I was faced with a blonde guy with yellow shirt and blue trousers.

"Where you're going, hot shot? You must be the guy Nick talked about," The guy said as he pushed me inside, "What a cutie."

"I-I'm sorry, sir, but I must leave, excuse me." I said as I made my way around him, just when I thought I'm free to leave I found a blonde woman with short hair and a tall muscular brunette in my face making their way in the apartment.

"Hello handsome guy. I'm Quinn Fabary and this is Noah Puckerman," the petite blonde woman said as she pushed me back into the apartment.

"Nice to meet you madam and you sir but I still have to leave," I said and again made my way around the couple to get out of the apartment.

"Sebastian, Sebastian my friend! Where you going, man?" David asked as he came out of the bedroom buttoning up his shirt.

"I gotta go, man. I can't do this to Kurt, man, he's my cousin, and I just can't!" I said as I tried to hurry outside the apartment but soon was stopped by David's hand holding my arm.

"Man what are you talking about? Have fun man!" David said.

"But I can't, Dav I'm betraying him," I whisper loudly.

"Hey man no one is betraying anybody we're just having fun! Aren't we guys?" David says with a shout and everyone in the living room screams excitedly. David then took me by the arm and pulled me into the living room, throwing me hard on the cushion next to the window and in a minute, I found Chandler falling onto my lap with a wicked smile.

"Hello hot shot!" He said hotly in my ear as he turned and looked at Nick and David, who were laughing at something Quinn said "These two hate their other halves!" Chandler whispered in my ear and I just looked blankly at David who was slapping Nick's butt now, I couldn't even imagine how he can live with Kurt while not loving him.

"Anyway, you ever tried one of these before?" He held a pill near my mouth and I knew it must be one of these drug pills so I just shook my head saying that "No I never did and won't to!" But the boy wasn't having any and suddenly I found a pair of lips on mine and as Chandler and I kissed he put the pills into my mouth and quickly pulled out giving me a shot of whiskey to swallow the pill with.

(End of flashback)

"I had only got drunk twice in my life and the second time was on that afternoon. Things were crazy as we dance, drank, laughed, screamed and drank some more. I felt ecstatic and never wanted this feeling to end but soon it did. The evening came with David and Nick fighting and calling Kurt's name, I didn't know what they're talking about as I was too drunk and on the verge of passing out so I just listened helplessly to do anything to the screaming couple. The last think I saw is David slapping Nick hard on the face sending him to Quinn's arms as he sobbed loudly, saying what an ass David is and that he belonged in the hospital, the one they send crazy people to."

"I still don't know how I got back home, but I did. As I woke up the next day I found myself on the small chair outside my house. As I sat up straight, I felt as if I'm being watched......I was always watched by Mr. Anderson."