June 3, 2012, 4 p.m.
A Touch of the Fingertips: Separator
E - Words: 2,823 - Last Updated: Jun 03, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 33/33 - Created: Oct 18, 2011 - Updated: Jun 03, 2012 2,161 0 2 0 0
“Kurt, you remember how I told you I…met someone?”
“Carole,” Kurt said with a smile.
“Yes. I… well, Kurt, I’ve fallen in love. With Carole. I thought I would never find another woman after your mother, but Carole – Carole is like sunshine.”
Kurt nodded. He understood what his father was trying to tell him: he would never replace Kurt’s mother, but he couldn’t help the way he felt.
“Son,” Burt continued, “I want you to meet Carole. But before you meet her, I want... I want her to know about you. And I know that’s not my story to tell, but I—”
“Do you want to marry her?” Kurt asked, interrupting his father. His tone was not cruel, but genuinely interested.
“I – I haven’t asked her.”
“But you want to.”
Burt appraised his son for a second, reading the expression in his eyes, and nodded.
“Bring her over tomorrow, then. If you trust her, then you should tell her about me. And I believe that she will be a good person if you love her, so I give you my permission.”
Burt chuckled at that, looking at his son the way he did sometimes, so lovingly that it made Kurt’s heart swell. “Thank you, Kurt. She has a boy, as well, and he’s your age. Should I invite him, too?”
“Have you met him?”
“Yeah. He’s a good kid. We’ve got a lot in common and I think you two would get on well.”
Kurt considered for a moment, then smiled at his dad. “Bring both of them. I can’t wait to meet my future step-mother.”
Kurt knew from the moment she entered the house that he would like Carole. She brought a warmth with her that enveloped the whole household, and somehow her lack of fashion sense seemed to work for her. She had taken the news of Kurt being a faerie in her stride, listening carefully to Burt’s explanation and allowing him to dispel all ideas she had formerly had about the “race”. When she arrived, she was careful not to touch Kurt, but bestowed large smiles and praises on him.
Her son, who introduced himself as Finn, hung back slightly. He looked wary, but Kurt had expected this, so he let it go. Finn didn’t seem as though he completely understood about Kurt, but Burt had whispered to his son that he just needed time to adjust.
Burt had invited the pair for dinner, so they all sat around the table, conversation flowing surprisingly easily, except on Finn’s end. Kurt knew Finn was apprehensive and that was acceptable, as all the things he had thought about faeries had just been realigned. He kept glancing at Kurt, probably with less subtlety than he intended, and he seemed to be trying to fit all his new thoughts together in those fleeting looks.
Kurt, for his part, found himself repeatedly looking at Finn; although, he had greater stealth and different reasons. Kurt had come into contact with very few people in life, and even fewer boys, so it was perhaps not surprising that he began to consider Finn’s cluelessness and lack of co-ordination attractive. He examined the way the soft light of the kitchen hit Finn’s features and found it almost beautiful. He had no idea if he liked tall boys; maybe he did, maybe he had no preference. He did think he like brunets. Well, he liked this brunet.
Kurt could hardly be blamed for his thoughts: being separated from most of society for his whole life had left him with very few points of reference. Television, magazines and the internet can only tell a boy so much. In fact, just figuring out that he liked boys was confusing enough for Kurt. He was not exposed to things the way normal children were, and there were many conflicting views on the internet about gay people. All he had known was that he would note which boys were good-looking, but which girls were wearing good clothes. He had been forced to ask his father what the world thought of a person being gay when he was thirteen and although it had been awkward, it had been essential for not only Kurt, but their relationship.
Now that he was sure he liked boys, there was the problem of actually meeting any. He never went to crowded places; he didn’t go to school, instead learning at home; he was very unlikely to cross paths with a boy, let alone have enough contact to fancy one. So his attraction to Finn could be put down entirely to desperation for some kind of romance in his life and a certain level of naivety.
“What school do you go to, Finn?” Kurt hadn’t quite realised he was going to ask the question until it was half spoken and there was no taking it back. It was perfectly normal, though. It wasn’t a prying question in any way.
Finn, however, looked shocked by being addressed directly, and especially by Kurt. His reaction clearly showed that he was unsure how to act around him. “McKinley. William McKinley. It’s…kind of terrible, quite near here. I’m…I’m in Glee Club and I’m on the football team and…” Finn had evidently realised that he had gone beyond what the question asked of him and immediately shut his mouth, but Kurt was not discouraged.
“I have a friend who goes there. Actually, she’s in Glee Club. Mercedes Jones?”
Finn looked beyond shocked that he and Kurt had a mutual friend. “Yeah, Mercedes. She’s cool.” He fell silent, and Kurt could tell he was still trying to process the information.
“So, you like singing?”
Finn nodded awkwardly, not meeting Kurt’s eye over the table. The two adults were watching their interaction curiously, and Kurt was sure his dad was hoping this would turn out well.
Kurt was determined to keep the conversation alive for just a few more sentences. “I love singing. I don’t know how I would live without it. Do you like Broadway?”
Finn pushed his food around his plate and rubbed the back of his neck, still not making eye contact. It was probably for the best, because he would have been even more put off by the look Kurt was giving him. “I think so. I don’t know that many Broadway songs, but we sing some stuff in Glee and it’s pretty good, so…” He trailed off once more.
“I can play you some, if you like. If you come over again, I can give you a crash course.” Kurt was smiling widely at Finn, not noticing Burt and Carole’s hopeful faces. Finn finally looked up at him, and Kurt could see the thoughts running through his head. He knew that what he was scared Finn slightly, but only because he was unsure how to react to it. He could tell that Finn was trying desperately, probably for his mother’s sake, to be okay with it. And he could see the moment Finn made the decision, because his eyes became less clouded with thought and he smiled. This boy wore his emotions on every feature.
“Thanks, Kurt. That…would be awesome.”
Kurt grinned at him once more, then struck up a conversation with Carole about the perfect souffl�, as he had been delighted to learn she enjoyed cooking. He continued to watch Finn out of the corner of his eye, but he did not try to make direct conversation again: Kurt knew when not to push people.
At least, he thought he did.
As she and Finn were leaving that night, Carole turned to Kurt one last time to wish him goodbye. She was only going to wave to him, but Kurt stepped towards her, locking their eyes as a way of asking if what he was about to do was okay with her. When she nodded the slightest bit, looking nervous, Kurt wrapped his arms around her. Their cheeks brushed against each other and Kurt felt the rush of energy, emotion and something unnameable he had not experienced for years flow through him. It was like sparks in his veins, and he shuddered as it filled his body. When he became conscious of the world around him once more, Carole was holding him in his arms. He clung to her for longer than other people would have, just breathing in the motherly scent of this woman he was now deeply attached to. He had bound himself to her, and he knew it was not a mistake by the way she held him, running her fingers through his hair very gently.
When he pulled away at last, Carole cupped his face in her hands and pressed her lips to his forehead. Her eyes were wet with tears and Kurt felt warmth spread through him of a different kind. Making the connection was an exhilarating and beautiful feeling, but having the person you had tied yourself to emotionally show that they cared for you in return was almost better. A feeling of contentment settled in Kurt’s chest, only growing when his father pulled him into a hug of his own.
Finn did not follow the trend of embracing Kurt, but he did not find this offensive. In fact, he did not feel ready to be connected to Finn, so he was glad he had refrained.
The Hudson family moved in very soon after that. Burt had proposed before the move and Carole slotted into their lives as if it was natural. Kurt wasn’t sure if that was because he was connected to her, or because she just fitted into their family.
Finn was not as easy. He was not just another piece of the family puzzle, falling perfectly into place. He had hated leaving the house his father had lived in, and did not seem keen on moving in with people he barely knew, regardless of how much he liked Burt. Kurt and his father learned to work with it, though, trying very hard to make life comfortable for Finn. Kurt took to bringing him a glass of warm milk each night, hoping it would make him feel at home.
Kurt should have realised then that he was letting his emotions for Finn run too far. He always prided himself on knowing when he was pushing people, even though he knew so few. He also prided himself on being able to push just enough to get what he wanted. He seemed to have lost his touch, however, because he was blind to the discomfort he was causing Finn. Burt had informed Carole and Finn that Kurt was gay when he told them about Kurt being a faerie. Kurt knew very well that Finn was straight; he had even seen pictures of his soon-to-be-step-brother’s girlfriend – a cheerleader, he could see from the uniform. But Kurt did not know what he was doing, and he was ridiculously hopeful. He played Finn Broadway songs and they sang together a couple of times. Finn had a good voice, Kurt could tell, but the lanky boy never seemed to throw himself into the duets the way Kurt did. That should have been another sign, but Kurt was a remarkably oblivious boy when it came to Finn.
One day, Burt pulled Kurt into the kitchen when he saw his son trying to make Finn try on a ‘more fashionable ensemble’. “Kurt, you know you are going to have to connect to Finn one day, don’t you?”
“Of course, Dad. It would be impossible to live with him and not touch him forever.”
“And you know that it’s very likely that you are going to love him deeply, but only as a brother.”
Kurt opened his mouth, but no words were forthcoming. He did not realise he had been so transparent that his father had sensed his feelings for Finn. Then again, Kurt always forgot how perceptive Burt was in relation to his son.
Burt nodded, seeming to understand Kurt’s thoughts. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself, Kurt. You have to be just as careful with your emotions as you do with physical contact. I’m not going to tell you what to feel, but you need to remember to consider other people. Think about what you’re doing to Finn, okay?”
Kurt had nodded, but he had not been fully aware of what he was doing until that moment. He resolved to attempt to put non-platonic thoughts of Finn out of his mind, if only for his father’s peace of mind. Finn, however, had not grasped that Kurt was no longer trying to win his affection.
Kurt was discussing the details of skincare with Finn, ignoring the fact that he was quite blatantly bored and confused beyond anything. He reached up to gesture at Finn’s face, about to indicate where his T-zone was, but Finn had tuned out of the conversation slightly, and reacted instinctively to what he thought was an advance on Kurt’s part. He slapped Kurt’s hand away forcefully.
Finn only realised what he had done when Kurt closed his eyes and shivered. He immediately pulled back, standing up and moving away from Kurt, hoping that would undo what he had put in motion, but it was a vain attempt. He had touched Kurt, and that was it. Kurt opened his eyes, looking a little dazed, and sought Finn out.
“Kurt, dude, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise, I’m so sorry.” Finn was panicking.
Kurt let out a soft laugh and stood up to pull Finn into a hug. “It’s okay. It was going to happen at some point, so this was as good a time as any. At least I can hand you things across the table now.”
Finn let out an awkward chuckle and put his arms gingerly around Kurt. “So I guess this means you love me as a friend, right?”
Kurt laughed again and gave Finn a squeeze before releasing him. “As a brother.” Finn did not notice Kurt’s slight disappointment that his budding emotions had been taken away from him by an unthinking wrist slap. He simply grinned and hugged Kurt again, before dragging him to tell Burt and Carole.
One would think life in the Hudson-Hummel – or ‘Hudmel’, as Finn insisted on calling it – household would get easier from that point on. However, Kurt being connected to Finn, although stopping any romantic feelings Kurt had for him, had caused issues of its own. Kurt now loved Finn far more deeply than Finn had had the chance to return. Finn was more comfortable with Kurt, but he hadn’t known him long enough to think of him as his brother, so when Kurt treated him as one it was confusing and a little alarming.
The nightly warm milk was the worst for Finn. He knew Kurt meant well, but he just thought it was weird, especially when Kurt tried to draw out his step-brother’s innermost secrets while sitting cross-legged at the end of his bed. Kurt was intrigued by Finn’s school life and would perhaps admit that he was trying to live vicariously through him. It was difficult, though, when Finn answered mainly in monosyllables and didn’t seem to know what was going on in his own life half the time.
“Wait, but you’re going out with Quinn. Why are you complaining about her? I thought you loved her.”
Finn moaned and leaned his head back against the wall. “I do. She can just be difficult sometimes.”
“But when you love someone, you love everything about them, even the things you hate,” Kurt rattled off, repeating an amalgamation of every good romance novel he could remember. “Isn’t that right?”
Finn let out a heavy sigh. “Whatever, Kurt. You wouldn’t get it.”
Kurt frowned. “What? Why?” Then his eyes widened. “Oh, do you mean because I’m gay?” This was a new thought for him. He didn’t really know, as someone who was gay, what he would and would not get.
“What?” Finn sat up very quickly from where he had been lounging on the bed. “No, not that at all. Just because you’re…”
“Because I’m what?”
“Because you don’t really know any girls other than Mercedes. Or, well, anyone, really, outside of us.” He gestured to the house to indicate who he meant by ‘us’.
Kurt opened his mouth to reply, but stopped, unsure what to say. He didn’t know why Finn’s words hurt so much. “Oh, so I won’t get your relationship because I don’t have any friends?”
“No, Kurt I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Because that’s not my fault, Finn.”
Finn was starting to look panicked at the hurt expression on Kurt’s face. “No, Kurt, I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t—”
“Just like me being connected to you isn’t my fault.”
“Kurt, don’t.”
“Don’t what? I know it makes you uncomfortable. I love you more than you can understand and you don’t even know me. Fine. You’re the one that slapped my wrist because you didn’t want to be infected by my ‘gay disease’.” Kurt stood up and left the room before Finn had a chance to reply. Finn felt immeasurably guilty. The feeling only worsened when he heard the slam of Kurt’s door and the unmistakeable sob that followed.
Comments
Hi :) What exacty does it mean if Kurt 'connected' to someone? I mean, what does it do? What's the purpose? Ps. I like this fic! It's really great :) -Risse
I don't know if you've read on, but it's explained later in the story. If you're still unsure, it basically means he forms an emotional connection with them. He touches someone, he falls in love with them, either as a friend or romantically. The purpose? Well, read on is all I can really say. Thank you! :D