Aug. 24, 2011, 1:03 p.m.
Hold On: Chapter 3
T - Words: 3,148 - Last Updated: Aug 24, 2011 Story: Complete - Chapters: 6/6 - Created: Aug 24, 2011 - Updated: Aug 24, 2011 1,103 0 0 0 0
When they arrived home, Burt was sitting by himself watching the game on the TV. He looked up at the boys, and immediately saw Blaine's bruised cheek and cut lip.
"What the hell happened?" Burt exclaimed as he went to get Blaine an icepack. Neither one of the boys spoke, and Burt could feel the tension in the air. He looked at Kurt, who just shook his head, anguish in his eyes. In everything that had happened, Kurt had forgotten he had lied to his Dad. Burt ignored that for now and took to caring for Blaine. He sat him on the couch, making sure that he was comfortable and kept the ice pack on his face. Burt went back to the kitchen and came out with an anti-inflammatory and a glass of water. Blaine managed a whispered, "thank you, sir."
"Are you ok here?" Burt asked kindly, and Blaine nodded with a faraway look in his eyes. Burt then gestured for his son to meet him in the kitchen.
Blaine sat in his boyfriend's living room, a place that had almost come to feel like home over the summer months. He briefly wondered where Finn and Carole were and hoped that neither of them were here. He closed his eyes and tried not to think, but it didn't work. The same visions played over and over again in his head: his father swinging at him, the shock on Kurt's face, his mother standing paralyzed, Kurt's hand reaching out to him. Whenever he flashbacked before, he would escape to the Warbler choir room, or hang out with the boys. There was no escape now. Instinctually he reached for his phone and re-read Nick's last message:
Nick: We will always be here for you. You're our brother, and we love you. The boys are praying.
Blaine's eyes started to tear, but he fought it back, shaking the emotions away, which made his head hurt more. He winced in pain. He wondered what Kurt was telling Mr. Hummel. He was glad he didn't have to tell the story himself, but so much of it shamed him, did he really want another person knowing? It was bad enough that Kurt witnessed everything. He never wanted that. Blaine was a very good secret keeper. Dalton made it easy…put on a Warbler face, throw your papers in the air, and with it all your cares fly away. And now that was gone. No, he said, pushing those thoughts back. I can't deal with that right now.
Kurt and Mr. Hummel returned from the kitchen. Kurt hung back leaning against the wall just outside the living room. He hugged himself in comfort, feeling very unsure of where he stood with Blaine. Burt; however, walked over to Blaine and sat down next to him. "Is it feeling any better with the ice?" he asked.
"Yes sir." Blaine answered automatically.
Burt took Blaine's hand, turning him away from Kurt so the boys could not see each other. He smiled softly and said, "Call me Burt. Please."
Blaine looked up at him and felt the tears creeping into his eyes. He pushed them back again and looked back down at his hands, embarrassed. He couldn't remember if his own father had ever held his hand. "Ok…Burt."
"I'm sorry, I don't want to make this hard for you, but I have some questions I have to ask." Burt said gently. Blaine just nodded. "Has your father hit you before?" Blaine hesitated, and then nodded again.
He did not want to answer these questions. He didn't want to talk about this at all. But it was Mr. Hummel. It seemed they were getting used to uncomfortable discussions.
"Has it always been like this?" Burt asked.
"It definitely got worse after I came out," Blaine said, remembering.
"When was the last time?" Burt asked, wanting to get an idea of how frequently it happened.
Blaine hesitated again. Burt squeezed his hand for reassurance, and Blaine was comforted to feel Kurt's strength in his father's hands. He quietly answered, "Just after Regionals, Dad called me home for a weekend visit. I thought maybe he had found out about Kurt, but it wasn't that. Report cards had come out and my grades had dropped." Blaine shook his head at the memory, just wanting to forget it. But Burt encouraged him to keep going.
Blaine took a deep breath. "He asked me to tell him if it was because the work was too hard, or I spent too much time singing. I knew what he was really asking, 'Are you too stupid or too gay?'" Blaine remembered disdainfully. "I explained to him that competition season was done and the Warblers wouldn't take up as much of my attention for the rest of the year. I promised I would get my grades back, but he said it wasn't good enough. I would have to leave the Warblers. He always hated that I sang with them. I begged him to let me stay, pleaded with him. So he…gave me another choice…" looking down, rubbing the back of his neck, Blaine paused. "I don't want to talk about this."
Burt waited for a while, but Blaine did not continue. Burt looked up at Kurt, who looked terribly worried. He then looked back at the young man in front of him. "You know Blaine, Kurt doesn't know this, but I made a promise to raise Kurt differently then how I was raised. In my day kids weren't grounded, there were no cell phones to take away. When you did something wrong, parents made sure you remembered it." He paused for a moment and studied Blaine. Blaine glanced at him and nodded in recognition. Burt did not need him to say more.
Burt let go of Blaine's hand and stood up. "I'd like your permission to go talk to your father."
Blaine's first instinct was to shout No! But it was Burt Hummel. And it was all out on the table, there was really nothing else to hide. So instead, he glanced at Burt and said, "Thank you."
Burt walked over to where Kurt was standing, took his car keys from Kurt, and gave his son a squeeze on the shoulder. "We will talk more later," he whispered to Kurt. Turning to Blaine so they both could hear, he said, "Finn and Carole won't be back until late tonight, so you boys will have the house to yourselves until I get home." Kurt looked up at his Dad quickly, surprised. Burt slightly nodded to him. Blaine made no move. "See you boys later." He opened the door to the garage, when Blaine stopped him.
"Mr. Hummel? Please make sure my Mom's ok," he asked.
Burt looked at Blaine and nodded. "Of course," he said, and he closed the door behind him.
Kurt waited a minute, scared that Blaine hated him and wouldn't want to be near him. Slowly, he walked over and sat on the arm of the couch, testing the waters. "You really think your Dad would hurt your Mom?" Kurt asked carefully.
"I know he would," Blaine responded without hesitation.
It broke Kurt's heart. "Oh Blaine, I am so sorry," Kurt exclaimed, sitting on the couch next to him.
"Kurt, don't," Blaine responded angrily, and Kurt snapped back like he had been slapped. Blaine took a deep breath, and gently said, "Please don't be sorry. Not tonight. We both made mistakes. But let's not do this tonight."
Kurt was afraid that anything he said might be wrong. Blaine's head was so full of everything, he couldn't think. They sat for a few minutes in silence, until they were both startled out of their revelry by the vibration of Blaine's phone. Blaine swiftly reached for it.
Nick: We will all be at your show tomorrow. Stay strong bro.
Blaine tried, but he could no longer hold the tears in any longer. As the floodgates opened, Kurt reached over and pulled Blaine to him. Blaine melted into Kurt's arms, wrapping his own around Kurt's waist, holding tight like a lifeline. Years of hurt, fear, and shame poured out of Blaine and he wept as never before. Kurt cried too, for the pain that Blaine had suffered for so long.
"Shhh…" Kurt comforted, springing loose Blaine's curls as he brushed his fingers through his hair.
Buried in Kurt's chest, Blaine whispered, "I'm so scared."
"Don't be scared," Kurt tried to reassure him, "Everything will be alright."
Blaine tried to believe him. He tried to think how things could possibly be made alright. But all he could think of was everything he had lost; Dalton, the Warblers, his friends, his family…
Then he heard the voice of his angel. Kurt sang quietly, like a whisper just for the two of them.
Not while I'm around.
Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir,
Not while I'm around.
Blaine's sobbing slowed, although the tears kept flowing. He was drawn to Kurt's beautiful blue-green eyes, and in them he saw warmth and determination.
I'll send 'em howling,
I don't care, I got ways.
Kurt relaxed as he got a small smile out of Blaine. He grabbed a handkerchief from his pocket, and he wiped away years of heartache from Blaine's cheeks.
No one's gonna dare.
Others can desert you,
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there.
Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,
But in time...
Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around...
Blaine thought about all he had done to protect himself. He had tried desperately not to fall in love with a Dalton boy, and when he first laid his eyes on Kurt, he prayed that he was not a transfer. When Kurt did move to Dalton, Blaine pushed his feelings away so far that even he didn't recognize them anymore. He fought as hard as he could, for as long as he could, until something small inside of him realized that he deserved to be free.
Ain't like being true
I don't need to,
I would never hide a thing from you
No more secrets, Blaine promised himself. Those days are over. He would tell Kurt everything.
Not while I'm around.
Nothing's gonna harm you, darling
Not while I'm around.
Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,
But in time...
Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around...
Kurt gently kissed his boyfriend, and Blaine felt a solace sweep over him. It was worth it. He would survive without Dalton and the Warblers, and certainly without the dysfunction that was his family. Having to pretend to be someone he was not in his own home was slowly suffocating him, and keeping him from the love he craved. It kept him from this, and he couldn't do it anymore. Despite all his faults, Kurt moved Blaine to feel safe and alive and passionate and he never, ever wanted to lose that. When Kurt pulled away, Blaine held their bodies together, "I love you so much," he sighed. Wasting no breath, he leaned in and kissed Kurt more deeply and passionately then the two ever had before. Everything he felt, all the anguish and sorrow turned into desire and his world became clear. He untied Kurt's tie and began to unbutton the shirt he had soaked with his tears. "I want you so much right now," he muttered, lips barely leaving Kurt's, pushing him deeper into the couch, feeling Kurt beneath him. He moved his lips to Kurt's neck and breathed in the scent of his skin. It filled him with such pleasure and hope as he made his way down Kurt's chest, kissing every inch he could. He reached for another button.
Kurt wanted this so much. And oh, did it feel so good, he thought. Then why did he suddenly become so scared? He didn't want to let go, he wanted to feel Blaine's kisses forever, but he felt himself pull away and he jumped from the couch.
"What's wrong?" Blaine asked, worried and disappointed.
Kurt fidgeted, as he always did when he was nervous, playing with his fingers, staring at his shoes. He felt Blaine move toward him, exuding that quiet confidence that always made Kurt's heart race a little bit. Kurt was pleased to see its return. When Blaine took hold of his hands, Kurt felt Blaine's strength back. Blaine looked up at his angel, lifted his chin so that their eyes met and ever so tenderly asked again, "What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry. I want to. At least part of me does. But…I'm not ready yet." Kurt explained.
Blaine cupped Kurt's chin in his hand and kissed him lovingly on the lips. He smiled up at the boy who craved romance more than anything. He looked at Kurt's shirt, half unbuttoned and ran his finger from Kurt's lips down his chest to the fastened button. "We won't do anything that we're both not ready for," he promised.
Blaine was impossible to resist, and Kurt realized, he really didn't want to. Romance was not Blaine's forte, but passion sure was, and Kurt did understand passion. He reached out for the top button of Blaine's shirt, and began to do his own unfastening. He smiled coyly at Blaine and teased, "Well then, what are we waiting for?"
Blaine laughed, took Kurt's hand in his own, and led his boyfriend upstairs.
Lying in his bed, Kurt peaked over at his boyfriend next to him, sleeping soundly dressed only in a sheet. As terrible as the day had been, the night had been magical. Blaine had told him everything that evening; showed him every scar, and Kurt kissed each and every one of them away – even the ones Blaine hadn't known about. He explored every inch of Blaine's beautiful body, much to his boyfriend's delight, and Blaine embraced Kurt tightly, wanting to feel his every muscle against his skin. They moved together like a song, until Blaine was overcome with pleasure beyond anything he had ever imagined. Kurt had smiled at him, delighted.
"Are you okay?" Blaine asked, checking in.
"I'm wonderful," Kurt had assured him. "Tonight was perfect."
"Whenever you're ready…" Blaine said for the hundredth time that evening, grinning at Kurt.
"Go to sleep," Kurt responded with a smile.
Blaine kissed Kurt goodnight and, exhausted from everything he had been through that day, fell into a deep sleep.
Kurt; however, was wide awake, worry returned, waiting for Burt to come home. He had heard Carol and Finn about an hour ago, but they seemed to go straight to their rooms and bed. He glanced at the clock – almost midnight. Kurt decided to get up and go downstairs.
He pulled a t-shirt on over the shorts he already wore, and went downstairs to fix some toast. He had just settled down at the table when Burt arrived home. Pleased to see Kurt, he pulled him in for a hug and asked, "Where's Blaine?"
"Upstairs asleep," Kurt answered, taking a bite of his toast.
"Is he ok?" Burt asked with great concern.
"Yeah," Kurt nodded. "I think he's going to be ok. Did you meet with his Dad? What did he say?"
"He agreed to meet with Blaine tomorrow night. I think I'll wait to talk about the rest with Blaine," Burt said, making himself some coffee.
"I hope you punched that son of a bitch." Kurt muttered under his breath.
"Hey!" Burt yelled at his son, "You be respectful of your elders."
"That guy doesn't deserve respect after everything he did to Blaine!" Kurt shrieked.
Burt brought his coffee over to the table and sat down calmly. "Even more reason to be respectful." Burt said. "Look, I know you're angry for Blaine. I get that. But that anger won't help him. No matter what he did and how much he was hurt, Blaine will always love his father. Your being disrespectful of his Dad will not help anyone." He looked at his son, who did not answer. "Understand?"
"Yes, Dad," Kurt said quietly, not sure if he really meant it.
"Good," Burt said, taking a deep breath. "There's something else we need to talk about."
Here it comes, thought Kurt. He tried to look his father in the eye, but found it difficult.
"You lied to me tonight, about where you were going and why," Burt looked intently at his son and Kurt nodded in acknowledgement. "That's not the way this works, between us."
"I know Dad, I'm sorry, but…" Kurt started.
"But you knew you were doing something wrong," Burt finished.
"I didn't think it was wrong at the time," Kurt said, without real conviction.
"Part of you knew, Kurt, that's why you lied. Kurt, I love you. And I think you are the most amazing human being I know. But it's my job to tell you when I don't like your behavior."
Kurt looked at his father somewhat hurt. He swallowed his pride and said, "go on."
"People have boundaries, Kurt, to protect themselves. And you seem to have trouble respecting those boundaries. I noticed it first with Finn, and now with Blaine. People deserve their privacy, Kurt, and you need to do a better job at allowing them that. You asked to meet Blaine's parents, and he said no. No means No, Kurt." Burt finished.
Burt's last words cut like a knife. He couldn't help but think of Blaine this evening, as they explored and experimented. Blaine was so comfortable in his own skin, so ready for everything, but Kurt was not. And each time Kurt said no, Blaine would ever so lovingly stop and whisper, "when you're ready." He never pushed, he never sounded disappointed. He went at Kurt's pace, and because of that, Kurt felt entirely safe and loved. Kurt realized that he had not given Blaine that same consideration when it came to his family. He hated himself for that, and cried.
Burt took his son's hands in his own. "We learn from our mistakes, Kurt. That's part of growing up. There is so much about what you did tonight that I am so proud of. And you'll make the rest right, I know you will."
Kurt wiped his tears away and nodded at his dad. "I think I'd like to go back to bed now," he said. "Are we done?"
"Not quite. The car keys are mine for the next week, Kurt," Burt informed him. "For lying to me. The rest is between you and Blaine."
Kurt nodded, and started up to his room.
Burt noticed Kurt's tie on the couch and called out, "Kurt." Kurt turned, and saw his father looking up at him curiously. "Did you two…um…"
"Do everything?" Kurt finished for him. Burt nodded, uncomfortably but waited for the answer. "No…not everything. But what we did was wonderful," he said with a smile and bounded up the stairs.
Burt sat down at the kitchen table with his head in hands. "And so it begins," he whispered to himself.