THURSDAY, JANUARY 10

BLAINE

"Move it, asshole," a guy yelled as he ran past me to go down the stairs into the subway stop.

"Sorry," I yelled back with a smile as I hastened my steps into the subway. It was rainy, cold, and far too early in the morning, but all I could see was sunshine and endless summer. Well, at least in my mind.

The past few days had been a whirlwind of time in the studio and Kurt; lots of Kurt. Ever since New Years, my relationship with Kurt had taken a drastic change – and definitely a change for the better. Not only could we not keep our hands off each other – which I definitely would never complain about – but we also ended up carving more time away for each other despite our opposite schedules. It was almost as if we transitioned from casually dating to a full-on relationship where we spent as much time as possible with each other.

Last night had been especially memorable with me meeting Kurt after his final performance of the day – his longest day of the week – complete with dinner and cheesecake, something Kurt recently admitted to loving more than what would be considered healthy. We went back to his place, ate dinner and the dessert, before ending up tangled up in his bed and just losing ourselves in each other's presence. The night in bed led to waking up next to each other this morning – something I wasn't going to get tired of any time soon – and soft kisses peppering Kurt's skin before I resigned myself to having to head into work for the day.

As I had walked out of his room this morning, freshly showered and wearing some of Kurt's clothes – he had gotten lax about us using the same clothes if it meant that I would spend the night more frequently without having to plan in advance – it pained me a little to leave him there when all I really wanted to do was spend the day with him and just enjoy our time together. My fingers had itched to hug him and feel him and touch him but I had to leave my desires –allof my desires, even the sexual ones that seemed to become more prevalent in with each passing day – at the door in favor of earning my paycheck.

We weren't having sex like rabbits or anything – though we certainly had dipped into sexual territory more than once since Monday night – we were really just spending a lot of time together. Every moment together was considered my most precious moment in time and Kurt only seemed to blossom and open up even more as we spent hours and days together.

When I really thought about it and how much our relationship had changed, Sunday night was the turning point in our relationship. Sure, we had sex. But more than anything, weconnected.

I put my MetroCard through the turnstile and walked toward the uptown train. Seeing that Kurt's place had been abandoned last night – Wes was mysteriously absent though I certainly didn't want to question it since his absence led to me feeling Kurt up for hours without his roommate present – we opted to stay at his place so the morning commute was a bit longer than my three block walk.

I stepped up to the A,C,E platform waiting for the next train and couldn't help but smile. It didn't matter that it was 8:00 in the morning and I was in desperate need of coffee and I had to leave Kurt looking adorable while he slept. I couldn't be happier with where I was at with my relationship with Kurt.

Well, that wasn't true. I mean, it was true; I was happy, but...

Kurt opened up to me and it was wonderful, but I had yet to fulfill that for him. Based on my incredibly brief life I had experienced less heartache and hardship than Kurt, but I felt like I still owed him the opportunity to know more of me as well. He practically knew all of me physically – something I was certainly not complaining about last night as his mouth explored on its own volition - but I was certain that there were still parts of my person that he didn't know; the parts on the inside.

Well, notthat partof my insides. He was pretty well acquainted withthatby now.

God, Blaine, stop thinking about it lest we pop a surprise and incredibly inappropriate boner while waiting for the morning train, I thought to myself.

It wasn't like I was intentionally hiding anything from Kurt – I didn't have anything to hide, really. But it just felt like if Kurt was going to put himself out there for me, I should do the same for him. I wanted to tell him about the childhood I shared with my wacky older brother and how his shadow loomed over the better part of my younger years, the struggle I initially felt with coming out to my family, the prep school experience and how it varied from the stories Wes had probably shared with him, the college years that brought success and heartbreak as I realized how harsh and cruel the world and its people could be. And I wanted him to know how much he meant to me and how much he made me feel wanted and desired for the first time in my life. He needed to know these things because I wanted him to.

That was certain to come soon enough. With the amount of time Kurt and I were spending with each other, it was bound to come up. I just needed to make a mental note to bring it up at a certain point rather than have Kurt ask about it. There's nothing weirder than pressing your boyfriend for information about his past – talk about awkward.

Rather than head to the office like I had initially planned, I got off the train at the usual stop and walked the blocks to the studio, ready to see the guys in action again. I went to my usual coffee shop and grabbed a much-needed coffee before heading up to the studio.

In addition to becoming closer with Kurt, I'd also been getting closer with the band in the past few days. I had already established a fairly solid friendship with Jeremy but had kept somewhat of a distance with the band in favor of having David dialogue with the band on the label's behalf. But since our time on Monday night, I tried to make a point to spend more time with the guys this week. It didn't conflict with spending time with Kurt since he was usually working nights anyway, but it had resulted in a level of trust and camaraderie with the band – one that was only making this process smoother this week alone.

I waved to the receptionist in the lobby and nabbed an elevator up to the recording booth. I looked at my reflection in the elevator doors and noted that I was in desperate need of another coffee and a fluff to my hair before exiting on our usual floor.

I whistled some tune – probably something I heard while at Kurt's last night; the man was constantly listening to something on his iPod – and entered the recording booth... to deafening silence.

"Uh, hey guys," I said as I crossed the room and took my usual chair next to Jeremy. Normally this early in the morning, it would only be Jeremy and I and we would spend a good portion of the early hours discussing the previous day's tracks and brainstorming things to consider for future recordings. Seeing the guys there coupled with the looming silence certainly was out of the ordinary.

Jeremy gave me a slight nod as I looked around the room. None of the guys with the exception of David and Jeremy would look me in the eye. To see the whole band there this early in the morning and with such a grim disposition, I couldn't help but be curious.

Something was up. But before I could ask anything, Jeremy tapped on the booth loudly and cleared his throat. "Alright, let's record the track we just talked about," Jeremy said, ushering the band into the booth. The guys all lingered a bit as they went in – sending silent questions to each other as they assembled at their instruments – before Zach took his place at the microphone.

I sat up in my chair, pulled out my notebook, and started to dictate the notes I'd previously discussed with Jeremy into the in-studio mic. "Okay, for this take, let's try for something... gut-wrenching. Try to pull as much emotion into the track as possible and imagine it as if you're singing trying to shake the feelings out and lay them on paper with the track. Okay?"

Zach nodded and the band all readied to record. Once Jeremy pushed record and gave the signal, the band started up.

The acoustic version of the track had been great, but the new version that they'd composed was hitting it out of the park. Some key changes had been added, minor chords giving the track a sense of dread and almost came off as melancholy rather than hopeful version I had expected. In a weird way, it made more sense that it bring a sense of misery rather than hopefulness – it matched better with the band's aesthetic but also seemed a little more realistic about crushes. Well, at least crushes from my personal experiences – ones that often were one-sided and fruitless in furthering into a real relationship.

And Zach was killing it on lead. He was singing with such power, something I hadn't seen before. It was really impressive to witness. I doubt I was that in tune with my feelings at his age and certainly wouldn't have been able to take direction from someone telling me 'here, feel this' like he had.

As the song concluded, Zach's face was still looming with emotion, as if he was having a problem bringing it back to center. I was intrigued – for a guy who seemed to have everything secured and who rarely showed any signs of feelings beyond the typical teenage indifference, he was really having a hard time with this track. My heart went out to the kid and whatever was behind this track for him.

Silence fell into the studio for what felt like minutes before Jeremy cleared his throat. "Guys, let's take five," Jeremy said.

I raised a brow in question. Considering I had practically just arrived, it was still early into our standard studio time, eight o'clock in the morning, and we had only done one pass at the song, I was surprised that he would already be taking a break. Though I had to admit I was itching to learn what was going on this morning since I seemed to be the only one not in on the secret.

I watched in stunned silence as the guys filtered out of the room, leaving only David, Jeremy and I behind. None of the guys even bothered to look back as they quietly passed from the studio into the hallway outside. For a second, Zach hesitated at the door, but shook his head and followed his band mates into the hall to wait.

"Uh, what's going on?" I asked, feeling like I could finally voice my curiosity. "Are they wanting to break up the band or something? It feels like someone died or something with how... anguished Zach and the guys looked after that." Immediately I wanted to slap myself; what if someone actually had died? I would look like a total asshole.

"Nah, no one died. But something is definitely up and the guys are kind of not cool about it," David said. His response made me sigh with relief – I really didn't want to seem insensitive after I made all that progress connecting with the band. "And, apparently, it's starting to permeate into this session. They've been having 'band meetings' since last night and apparently they were up all night just talking which is why they're here so early. They didn't go to bed last night."

I sat in silence waiting for an explanation as Jeremy and David seemed to mutely gesture with their eyes, hoping someone would take the lead. They did look exhausted, but their lack of sleep alone didn't answer why things were so... off.

They wouldn't speak for what felt like hours, causing my overactive brain to start assuming the worst. Were they unhappy with the recordings? Did they think I was doing a bad job? Was working with the label too much for them? "Just tell me," I said, panic starting to set in. "If something is wrong, we need to be able to fix it sooner rather than later."

David sighed and started talking. "This is probably the weirdest thing to ever happen."

Now I was really confused.What the hell is going on?,I thought to myself.

"Over the past few days, I asked for the guys to write out information about their tracks like Santana asked – what inspired them, where they pulled the lyrics from, all that. As they were meeting last night, Zach was mentioning the track that they just recorded. Well, it turns out the inspiration behind the track caused a scuffle with some of the guys."

"Uh. Why? That seems weird." I was thinking back to the lyrics on the track. "Did he write it about one of the guy's girlfriends or something? It is something about a crush, right?"

David nodded. "Yeah, it's about a crush. But that wasn't the issue. It was because it's about a guy."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course it's about a guy. Zach is a guy."

Jeremy and David shook their heads. "It's not just by a guy, B. It'sabouta guy."

Oh.Oh.

God.

Immediately my mind brought back images and memories of "friends" when I came out freshman year in public school, remembering some of their lack of compassion and the general bullshit I dealt with in admitting to the world, and to them, that I was gay. "Please tell me that they don't hate him because he wrote it about a guy. I can't—" I started, before David cut me off.

"No, no, it's not like that. Apparently they all kind of knew that Zach was into guys. He never said that he was out loud, but he apparently admitted that he was bi recently so it wasn't a huge surprise to some of the guys that he was close with in the band."

Now I was beyond confused. "I don't see how him writing a song about a guy crush is an issue if they're cool with it. Unless it's about one of the guys and they don't feel that way about him. God, I can imagine that could be awkward. Especially since they all are straight. Or, at least, I think they're all straight," I rambled.

Jeremy sighed. "It's not that, Blaine. It's not about one of the guys. It's about you."

Wait,what? "Me?" I squeaked.

David nodded. "Yes. He wrote the song about you. You're his crush."

I was reeling. This was certainly news to me. I had no idea Zach harbored any kind of significant feelings for me – let alone feelings that warranted a song to be written about me – so this all was a huge shock. "I-I... wow. I, uh, had no idea."

David chuckled. "That doesn't say much. You're kind of oblivious like all the time."

"Did I do something to lead him on? God, I hope not," I questioned. I did have a tendency to have my head a bit up my ass from time to time, but I started to look back at all of the interactions I had with Zach; everything – big and small. From what I could recall, we'd never hung out individually and at least one if not all of his band mates were present when we were together. I couldn't recall any conversations where I had been flirty or even overly friendly – something that seemed to always make me seem like I was flirting when I was really just trying to be a nice guy – but continued to come up blank.

"I don't think so," David said, squashing my fears. "I think that he's young and you're a nice, successful, good looking guy who gave him attention and he took it and ran with it. Even though you're oblivious, I don't think any of us saw it coming and I certainly don't think that you've done anything to make him feel as if any of his feelings are mutual."

I nodded; I certainly hadn't done any of that stuff. "But the issue with the guys is that they're worried that this will somehow impact their relationship with you and the record label. I think Zach wished that this would have stayed private but the guys started heckling him for information and it ended up spilling out that you were the one the song was about," David noted. "They don't want it to jeopardize anything, but Zach thinks that saying something to you – now that it's out there anyway – wouldn't be a bad thing. It's a point of contention for them right now; whether or not Zach should say something and how that could make things... complicated in the future.

"Not only that, but they're worried about their friend harboring a crush on someone who – in essence – is their boss and who probably, welldefinitely, doesn't feel the same way about him. Most of them didn't even know if you were gay or not. I didn't say anything, but I know that you didn't necessarily want to talk about your personal life so I didn't tell them either way. I'll let you figure out if you want to mention it or not. But from their perspective – if you are gay – they're afraid that If you turn him down, that he might react poorly or something." My brows shot up in surprise at that note. "Don't worry, it's not like he's a loose canon or anything, but everyone knows that love, or crushes or whatever, makes people do crazy things."

I sat back and thought. I could see why the band would be concerned since they wouldn't want to jeopardize their contract, but they were also just worried for their friend. But the fact that they weren't sure if I was gay was kind of funny. I thought I was fairly obvious but maybe not. "Look, I'm sorry that this is making things... awkward for them. God, this sucks. And I feel bad for the kid."

Jeremy chuckled. "Look, man. I don't think that it'll really matter in the long run. You don't reciprocate his feelings and you can let him down easy and in a few weeks it'll be swept under the rug. But we did want to let you know because it was impacting how the guys were feeling and they were pretty tense about how that could affect things."

"I get it. I'm still... wow. This is so not how I imagined today going," I noted.

"Well, we weren't sure how this was all going to go down, so I'm glad you're not freaking out and it seems like it won't really matter in the end. I'm glad we told you before Zach did though. I can only imagine what you would have done if he'd sprung it on you," David admitted.

I chuckled at the thought. "Yeah, I would have probably been a little less composed and unsure of what to do. Zach's a good guy, he doesn't need me wigging out to plague his dating life forever." Both guys laughed at the comment. "But let's not talk about it today, if that's okay. I want to talk to Zach about it with just the two of us. I don't really know what to say at this point, but I know we shouldn't have an audience."

"That seems like a good option," David said. "I would say that we could all go get dinner tonight and you could talk with him about it then, but I think they'll just want to pass out rather than go out."

Jeremy and I nodded. I knew I needed to talk to him about it sooner rather than later, but how exactly am I supposed to go about this delicately and not crush the guy's feelings but also maintain a sense of professionalism? God this is too complicated for me to think about right now.

"I think that maybe I should go work on some paperwork that's overdue today and give the guys some space," I suggest.

"That sounds good. But please don't let them think that this has any negative impact on their deal. At this point, it's the second most important thing that they're worried about," David noted.

I nodded in agreement. "I can just say that something came up and head out. If they ask anything of you guys, just try to squash their concerns I guess." I inhaled sharply before continuing. "Jesus, I am so not prepared for how to deal with this."

Jeremy gently shook my shoulder. "Look, man. Don't sweat it. We'll do our best with the guys to manage what they're feeling right now and let them know that they're not losing their contract. But maybe you can talk to Clark about what to do. I'm sure this has come up as a problem for someone over the years."

"Definitely," I acknowledged.

Though I may have seemed somewhat calm on the outside, in my mind I was freaking out. Not only had it been so long since an unrequited crush been directed at me, but also in a professional context I had no idea what to do. Clearly this was well beyond my comprehension and I needed to talk with someone above my pay grade to figure out a response.

They're certainly not in trouble, but how I talk to Zach and the band about this is going to impact our working relationship. If this goes poorly, Clark could find reason to move me off the project. While I would understand if he had to do that, it would be a major bummer since I had already invested so much. Plus working with Jeremy had been incredible so far.

I sighed loudly and collected my notebook, shoving it into my bag. "Alright, well, I'll let the guys know where I'm headed. But I'll let you guys know what Clark thinks about all of this. I think he'll know what to do way better than I can think of right now," I admitted with a dry chuckle.

"Sure," Jeremy said. "And don't worry, Blaine. Though things are tense right now, I'm sure that this will all be resolved and past us in a little while. Just figuring out how to talk about it is the issue right now since things are... awkward."

I snorted. "That's a bit of an understatement, but thanks." I did appreciate his gesture, but he didn't really understand everything running through my head. Sure, he knew what it was like to work with all types of people in a tense environment like recording an album. He may have even had to fend off the advances of a few artists over time, but as a producer and someone who was somewhat self-employed, there weren't many fall outs depending on how he reacted to someone writing a song about him. Since I was the face of the label for these guys, how I acted and what I said would impact their relationship with the company, albeit somewhat indirectly.

God this was a mess.

I waved goodbye to David and Jeremy before cautiously heading into the hallway. As I pushed the door open, the guys looked like deer caught in headlights – the worry evident in their eyes. I put on a big smile and tried to make it seem like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. No need to freak them out now while I still didn't have a game plan.

"Hey guys! Sorry, I've got to head to the office to work on some paperwork. But I'm glad I got to hear that track – it's sounding great," I said calmly, hoping not to sound too overenthusiastic in case Zach was worried about my reaction. I'm sure he was worried, but no need to make a show of it.

"Uh, yeah, okay," Phil said nervously.

"Don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow," I stated. I wasn't sure when I would be back tomorrow, but I knew this crush situation needed to be sorted immediately. "So you guys just record a bit more and we can talk about the future tracks tomorrow. I already have a schedule in mind and I know Clark wants to drop by next week and hear you guys as well."

It was true; Clark did want to come and see them and I wanted to inadvertently let the guys know that they still had a future with Rialto since that was likely at the forefront of their minds. If they had something to look forward to and work towards, it would lessen the pressure that they felt about Zach's crush on me. At least, that was my hope.

"Awesome," Phil said; rushing a bit as his slight relief penetrated the word he had uttered. Just as Phil had opened his mouth again, my phone rang in my pocket. I pulled my phone out and glanced at the display. I grinned when I saw that it was Kurt calling, though as soon as I realized that I was likely smiling like an idiot I neutralized my facial expression to something a bit less excited. Now was not the time to gush about Kurt – especially in front of Zach who already looked a bit like a kicked kitten.

"I've got to take this, but I'll talk to you guys later," I said, thankful for Kurt's interjection and escape plan. The guys headed into the booth and I breathed a sigh of relief as I took Kurt's call.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear from you," I said.

He chuckled. "Well, I'm so honored."

"You should be. What's up? It's awfully early for you to be awake right now. Last I had seen you, you were knocked out with no hopes of waking for hours."

"Well, I got cold since my personal heater decided to be an adult or something," he joked.

"Sorry, duty calls," I chuckled.

"Don't worry about it. But it actually works out that I was up since I got a call from Roselyn."

"Oh yeah? What'd she want?"

"Well, she has some extra tickets for tonight's show and she wanted to know if we wanted to give any out to our friends, so I thought I'd extend the invite to you since you still haven't seen the show."

I smiled. I knew that Kurt was really proud of his work on the show and loved his co-workers and considering I needed more Broadway in my life, I didn't want to turn him down. He was always talking about the show and I knew that I wanted... no, needed... to see it and tonight would be a great opportunity since David said there were no plans tonight. But the situation with Zach and my need to figure things out with Clark was top of mind so I felt shaky at best to committing given my current state of worry. "I would love to come, but I'm not sure yet. Can I text you whether or not I can come later?"

"Sure thing," he said. "Do you already have plans tonight?"

I sighed. "No, but I just have some stuff that I.... well, I have some stuff to sort out."

There was a substantial pause before Kurt's voice rang through the phone. "Is everything okay?" Kurt asked cautiously. "You didn't say that in an overly excited fashion."

"I think so? I don't know. Some stuff went down this morning and I'm still trying to process, but I need to talk to some people about it and I just don't know what to do. It's way beyond something I can understand and I just don't know how to move forward."

"You must be really worried," he stated. I could tell I wasn't giving him much to work with in terms of details, but I still hadn't processed it myself let alone trying to explain it to Kurt right now; Kurt had no idea who anyone was outside of Jeremy and David anyway.

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Because you rambled. You only ramble when you're nervous or worried," he replied as if I was asking him what color the sky was.

I smiled despite the situation rattling around in my head. Even though Kurt and I hadn't known each other long, he still knew how to read me. It made me feel like he was paying attention to me – all of me – even the little intricacies of how I think and speak; I only hoped I had done the same with him and that he knew how much I noticed everything about him. "I am. But we can talk about it later?" Not that I didn't want to talk about it now, but I just needed to get it out with Clark first.

"Of course. Just let me know, okay?"

"I will. I'll let you know as soon as I can."

"Okay, well I'll let you go Mr. Worry Wart and I'll talk to you later."

I sighed. "I love you."

I could practically hear him grinning on the other end. "I love you too."

I hung up and slid the phone in my back pocket. I didn't know what to do with Zach and how to talk him through this crush he had on me, but I knew that Clark would help and I would have Kurt and his arms around me by the end of the day.

In the end, it couldn't be all that bad.

Could it?