CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 27

KURT

Knock, knock, knock, knock.

I groaned as I looked at the clock at my bedside. It was 10am. I didn't have to be at work until 4 and I had fully intended on spending the entire day in bed. I wasn't even sure I was going to take a shower.

Yes, you heard me right. I, Kurt Hummel, was spiraling out of control.

Well, as out of control as I could be. I wasn't going to go on an Amanda Bynes bender, but I was hurt and the way I wanted to heal was by spending all day in bed and eating copious amounts of pasta until I felt better. So far, the plan had been unsuccessful and had left me feeling as if I'd eaten an entire elephant rather than feeling better. Damn my trainer for trying to get me on a better diet and the healthy eating kicking me in the ass.

I rolled over again to come in contact with the cooler side of my sheets before the sound that roused me from my sleep started again.

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

"I said to leave me alone Wes," I groaned as I turned over, throwing a pillow on top of my head for good measure.

"Open up Hummel or I'm breaking in," Santana's voice rang through the door.

Great, I thought to myself. Blaine decided to send in his best friend as backup rather than own up to what he did. Sending Santana was kind of a low blow. Since he couldn't be bothered enough to mention me to his parents, I wasn't going to make this easy for him - or Santana, by proxy.

"Have fun breaking down the door. The doorframe is metal-lined," I yelled, smirking at the fact that Santana wasn't going to penetrate my space. It's not like she could kick down the door.

"Not necessary," Santana's voice said, sounding much closer and much less muffled than I expected. I snapped up to come face-to-face with her. "Being from Lima Heights Adjacent has its advantages," she said as she wiggled a bobby pin tauntingly in front of my face.

I rolled my eyes and resumed my position under my blankets with my head covered by the pillow. "What do you want?" I snapped. Santana grabbed the pillow from on top of my head and threw it across the room. "Hey!" I shouted.

"I'm here to figure out what's going on," Santana said calmly. "Wes told me you had quite the comeback last night when you came back from Ohio."

"Yeah, well, what does he know," I replied.

"He knows that he's your friend and he's worried. Worried enough that he gave me the spare key to your apartment to try and get you to talk to someone about what happened. And he's not the only one who wants to know what's up, Kurt. Blaine—"

"Don't mention him," I snarled, turning away from her. I expected her to go to his defense and try to negotiate something on her best friend's behalf, but she just sat there silently and rubbed my back. It was something the Santana I knew from high school wouldn't have done, but something I really appreciated from Adult Santana; even if she washisbest friend.

I stubbornly lay on the bed quietly; wondering when Santana's patience would fade and I would be left alone once again. But after 30 minutes, Santana still remained on the edge of my bed, shifting her weight as if she was in for the long haul.

I groaned and turned to face her. Her face wore a small smile – not too bright, no sense of falseness creeping out from behind her lips – and I figured even ifhemight have told her to come on his behalf, she was really there for herself too.

I chuckled softly as I realized that this version of Santana was truly so different from the one in high school and I was kind of thankful. I appreciated her wit and biting tongue, but she had grown up a lot in the past 7 years and I needed someone to talk to, someone who wouldn't jump to conclusions like Wes would. I loved the guy like my brother, but his brotherly love came with the price of him being slightly overbearing and overprotective.

"He really messed up," I whispered.

She giggled. "I think he got the memo." She shifted again and lay down next to me. I scooted over to accommodate her small frame and she just smiled. "I bet you never thought you'd have a woman in your bed," she said.

I laughed quietly. Even though it wasn't a hearty laugh, it felt good. As soon as I realized I had, though, my face grew stony again and the moment was gone. I was still angry, I was still hurt; I didn't have time to be laughing or happy right now.

"What happened Kurt?" she questioned softly.

"I'm surehealready told you," I implied. She didn't reply but just looked at me expectantly. I sighed. "Where should I start?"

"Where it makes sense," she replied calmly.

"Before I even get into depth with what happened, you should probably understand one thing about my past – about the one relationship that changed everything for me."

She sat quietly as I told her all about William; about our time in college, the reaction of his parents when I finally met him, the abandonment I'd felt at his complete denial of me and our relationship. Santana didn't ask any questions, she just nodded along as I rambled on – trying to maintain a modicum of composure – pouring out my past heartache to the girl who flanked my side when we both dealt with oppression and difference in high school.

Once I finished telling her all about William, she finally broke her silence. "So what does that guy have to do with Blaine?" I glared at her and she flinched when she mentioned his name aloud. "That guy sounds like an asshole and I don't thinkheis like him at all."

"But that's where you're wrong," I cried out, composure fading fast. "He's just like him and that's why it hurts so much."

I huffed and tried to regain control of my breathing as she just looked at me curiously. "What do you mean?" she asked steadily once I had settled after my outburst.

"He and I were going to take the same flight home from Ohio. I had rented a car during my trip home since I tend to get a little stir crazy, so I needed to return it. And I really missed him," I said, blush rising on my cheeks, "so I thought it might be a good idea to surprise him at home – which is why I asked you for his parent's address. Plus I know he's really close with his parents and I really wanted to meet them."

"You willingly wanted to meet the Andersons for longer than five minutes? You're brave," she mused.

"They seemed nice to me," I said, slight panic rising in my voice. "Are they—?"

"Oh, no, they're completely nice – total sweethearts," she continued. "So you wanted to meet them?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, I had never met a boyfriend's parents before and I was nervous as hell, but I thought it'd be a nice gesture to get to talk to them before we both headed back to New York. I wasn't sure if I was going to meet them at the airport or anything, but I figured it would be nice to at least introduce myself."

"That and you wanted to kiss him senseless," Santana added. I rolled my eyes but didn't disagree – it was true.

"Anyway," I continued. "I made the drive down to Westerville to surprise him. I found the place alright – which, by the way, his parents have a really nice house – and when I went to knock on the door, his mom opened up." She looked at me, wondering when the shoe was going to drop since things seemed relatively normal with my story so far. "But when she answered the door, she looked at me as if I was a door-to-door salesman or something. I said I was there to visit Bl—their son... and she felt like I was infringing on her or something, so she called his dad over. He let me inside and everything and when they asked how I knew him, they said something like, 'we've never heard him mention a Kurt before.'" Santana gasped, as if things were finally clicking into place as to why I would be so upset. "And she almost laughed when she asked! I'm sure she didn't mean to or something, but god that stung."

"And you didn't wait for Blaine to come down?" she asked.

"No, it was pretty clear that he hadn't taken the time to tell his parents who I was. I didn't want to suffer the same treatment as I was subjected to with William. So I cut out and ran and booked the next flight out of Ohio," I stated. I realized I had quite the storm out since I basically had a storm-out of diva proportions out of the entire state of Ohio just to make an exit. But I felt like it was warranted; he embarrassed me and made me feel like I didn't matter.

Santana and I sat quietly as she seemed to chew on what I had told her. I could see her brows quirk as she mentally went through something in her mind. But before long, she had come to a conclusion. "I understand why you were mad at him."

"Thank you—" I started.

"But," she interrupted, earning her a glare from me. Of course she would take his side, she's his best friend. "But, I think you need to tell him why you're upset at him. There are two sides to every story."

I stared at her incredulously. "Seriously, Santana? What could he possibly have to say to make things better? He couldn't even come over himself and try to talk to me, he sent you."

"Would you have let him in if he had come over?" she asked.

"No," I muttered. "But still."

"Kurt, I can't imagine how that whole situation made you feel. It sounds super shitty and you're too nice of a guy for that to happen to," she stated.

"But..." I started. I knew she wasn't going to just leave it at that. She was his best friend after all – she wanted him to be happy.

"No buts, Kurt. Look, if he was malicious about why his parents didn't know who you were, he doesn't deserve you." I stared at her, shocked. I thought for sure she would have gone to his defense and tried to patch things up between us, but her actions surprised me. "However," she began, "I don't think that he did it cruelly. I think it was just a misunderstanding."

I snorted. "That's a pretty big thing to misunderstand, San."

"I still think what he did was dumb, but I don't think he realizes what happened. Kurt, did you ever tell him about William?"

"No," I replied meekly.

"Is he out of the closet to his friends and family?"

"As far as I know," I responded.

"Has he introduced you as his boyfriend to other people?" she asked.

"Yes," I retorted, feeling a little embarrassed.

"Then I don't think he's trying to keep you a secret. He already sounds like he's at least a little better than William. But I don't think that he knew why you were upset."

"Then why did he send you?"

She sighed. "Because Wes called him last night and chewed him out, he's left you at least a dozen voicemails and text messages that haven't been answered, and – most of all – you missed your flight you were supposed to take last night. He was worried and more than anything, he wanted to make sure you were okay."

I was a little irritated at Wes for spilling the beans to Blaine about me being mad, but I guess I could understand why Blaine would be worried. I hadn't turned my phone on so I didn't know about his messages – not that I would have answered them anyway – so I guess I could see how he would think that I might have fallen dead into a ditch or something if Wes hadn't called him. Even if Wes was trying to be an annoying big brother where it was not necessary.

"Plus I also know how to pick a lock if you wouldn't let me in," she replied sassily. I rolled my eyes at her, causing her to laugh. "Kurt, just... I don't want to tell you what to do. And I know I'm Blaine's best friend, but I really care about you, too. But you should talk to him and tell him about William and why you're hurt by what he did."

I groaned, but I knew she was right. It was the adult thing to do, even if I wanted to remain a petulant child and have a pity party for at least another day or so. "But what if I'm still upset after I talk to him? What if I can't let it go?"

She shrugged. "Then you go your separate ways, I guess. If you can't see past what happened and you're unhappy, I think it would be best for you to put a halt to your relationship. He would understand in the end."

"Would he?" I asked.

"He would. But I don't think it will come to that," she replied honestly. "Even though you're pissed off and hurt, I think you care about him too much already to throw everything you've established out the window. Especially over something that it seems like he didn't know how it made you feel. Blaine's the kind of guy who goes above and beyond for the people he cares about and I don't doubt that even if you do forgive him, he'll work his ass off to try to prove how much you mean to him."

I didn't reply. Then again, I didn't need to. Santana knew how much I cared for Blaine – and she probably knew how Blaine felt about me in return. But I needed to get my mind straight first before I broached the topic with Blaine. It was going to be a long, hard talk for us and I was still too hurt and angry to think about talking with him about it now.

"I don't think I'm ready to talk to Blaine about it yet," I told Santana.

"You don't have to be, Kurt. You're allowed to feel angry about things. But I think you should talk to him – whenever you're ready." I rolled over and lay on my back, stretching my legs and letting her words sink in.

"But can you promise me something?" I nodded. "Can you at least tell him that you're okay? Even if I tell him that you're okay, he'd believe it if it came from you. Blaine will probably think that I'm lying and threw you into the Hudson or something."

I chuckled. "I can do that." I rolled back over to look at Santana again. She smiled and I couldn't help but mirror her reaction. I was still angry and wounded, but she understood that it was okay to be angry sometimes. If anyone would understand the need to vent and be angry, it was Santana. "I'll text Blaine later today, okay?"

She grinned. "Sounds good," she said with a laugh.

"What's so funny?" I asked. Santana had this look on her face as if she was privy to some information that I wasn't.

"I know you said you're not quite ready to talk to Blaine yet, but I have a feeling you will be soon."

"And how do you know that?" I questioned – my tone dripping with cynicism.

"Because you've started calling him by his name again. You've even said it yourself a time or two and you didn't seem to mad about it," she replied, knowing look on her face. I rolled my eyes but didn't reply, deciding to roll onto my back once again. "Thought so," I heard her whisper and I chuckled softly.

I wasn't quite there yet, but I would be ready to talk to Blaine soon. I wasn't sure how it was going to go down but I had hope that no matter the result, I would do the grown up thing and talk about my feelings.

Lord help me.