CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 1

KURT

The one thing I hated about Thanksgiving this year is that it meant that the Christmas season was longer than normal. Sure, Christmas season technically started around Halloween when window displays sparkled with red and green, but this year we would have five whole weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas; something that hadn't happened in a while.

Normally, I'd say it was a good thing; spreading out the holiday season and helping me to cherish Christmas for longer than usual. But it wasn't.

It meant that I had way too long to think about what to get Blaine for Christmas.

I was the type of guy who tried really hard to be thoughtful when it came to giving gifts; a gift card simply was not an option. But I hadn't bought a Christmas gift for a boyfriend in... well, ever, so I found this particular revelation – and season – especially troublesome.

So here I sat, laptop in my lap with Tabatha's Salon Takeover on in the background perusing every website known to man to look for a gift for my boyfriend. I probably would have had better luck if I had any idea what to do, but I was starting from scratch and didn't know what kinds of things one would get for their boyfriend in the first place.

I started with clothing stores – a natural for me since I spent so much time on those sites anyway. But since I didn't know Blaine's size and I figured he wasn't big into labels, I closed out of those tabs.

Next I went to Amazon to try and search there, but I felt weird using their gift guides for what to buy "the man in your life." Also, I'm fairly certain Blaine would not be impressed if I bought him a tent – one of the suggestions – so I had a feeling this site would also net no positive results.

After clicking out of Amazon – not before buying a few gifts for Dad, Finn and Wes first – I went over to Etsy to see if the world of the handmade gift would help me find anything. I found some really cool antique pieces, but the site seemed riddled with baby stuff and monogrammed things for girls; clearly not helpful on my quest for Blaine's gift.

"Ugh!" I exclaimed as I rolled my head to the back of the couch and closed my eyes. "This is pointless!"

"Calm down," Wes said as he emerged from his room, hair slightly damp from his shower. "I don't know what you're even talking about, but I have a feeling you're overreacting in some way."

I sighed. "I hate Christmas shopping."

"That is a lie," Wes stated. I replied with an icy glare, causing Wes to laugh. "You really don't hate Christmas shopping, Kurt. You're just frustrated right now. But you still have time to find the gifts that you're looking for."

"It's already the first week of December and I have about three weeks to figure out the perfect gift for Blaine. This is ridiculous and this whole online shopping thing is fruitless," I said as I carelessly threw my closed laptop onto the coffee table.

"Well, I was about to head out to go look for a present for Lauren. Want to come with and see if you get inspired?"

I shrugged. "I guess. Do you already know what you're going to get her?"

"Sort of. I have a general idea, but I'm not locked into anything at this point." He took his coat from the hanger and put it on, glancing at his watch in the process. "It's nearly 11 now – we have plenty of time to look at some stores before you have to be at work."

"Fine," I groaned as I pulled myself up from the couch. "But you better help me or else no Christmas cookies for you."

...

It was nearly 12:30 and I was still no closer to finding anything for Blaine. I had bought stuff for my dad, my stepbrother and Wes already and I had found a stationary set for Carole that I knew she would love. I also had found the perfect pair of earrings for Mercedes and even managed to get a gift for Lauren – a new purse that she would probably use forever.

"Are you done yet?" I asked as Wes tugged me out of the store with his vision set on a store across the street.

"One last stop," he said, practically pulling me across the street. I think this was the one time that Wes was more excited about shopping than I was and while it was a scary revelation, I just kind of wanted to be back home before I had to work later this afternoon.

I heard a bell ding as we stepped into the warm shop. I hadn't noticed where we were until the ringing pulled me from my grumblings and I was surprised at where we had ended up.

"A jewelry store?" I asked Wes. He replied with a shrug as he started looking at the shiny items in the display.

As soon as his eyes started sweeping the merchandise, a salesclerk approached us. "Hi gentlemen. Something I can help you with today?" she questioned, black blazer highlighting the ornate brooch that was clasped onto its lapel, likely a piece from the shop's display. I smiled, nodding to Wes as he spoke.

"Yeah, I'm looking for a Christmas gift for my girlfriend," he replied and the woman nodded. I smiled at the mention of his girlfriend, but didn't say anything about how he just used the term for the first time in my presence.

"Anything you have in mind?"

"Not really," my roommate admitted. "I'm hoping this guy here can help me out a bit once I decide on what kind of jewelry I want to buy," nodding toward me as he spoke.

"Well, he certainly looks like a man of discerning taste," the woman added with a wink as she scanned over my ensemble. I figured her wink wasn't flirty, but more of an unspoken acknowledgement of my style. She certainly wasn't wrong; I was damn stylish. "In this case, as you can see, we have earrings and down here we have pendants and necklaces and a bit further down we have rings and—"

"Oh, it's a bit early for rings," I joked as I nudged Wes' shoulder. He didn't reply or acknowledge what I said; he actually avoided my gaze, effectively causing me to be a bit confused.

It was as if the saleswoman knew that we needed to talk as she softly excused herself and said she'd be available when Wes had an idea of what he wanted to look at.

"A ring? Really?" I whispered as Wes stayed fixed on the earrings in the case below where his hands were laid on the glass.

"No, I mean... maybe?" he struggled as I tried to keep my eyes in their sockets. This was Wes we were talking about; the guy who was kind of a slob and whose mood would fluctuate the blink of an eye but who hadn't had a serious girlfriend in years. And yet, here he was, a few weeks into dating Lauren and the thought had crossed his mind that he might buy her a ring – let alonethering - at some point, maybe even today. "It's not like I want to propose rightnowor anything," he admitted, causing me to relax a bit. "But I have thought about it at least a little bit." He sighed. "We're at the age where we don't just date to have fun anymore. I'm fast approaching on 30 and I'm done trying to meet women at bars or through mixers at work. The women are bars tend to be trashy and the ones at firm mixers tend to be boring."

I laughed as I imagined Wes trying to date a stoic lawyer. He could be incredibly serious at times, but I knew he'd find someone so severe tiresome after a while. "But Lauren... she's really different, and in the best way possible. And I think I'm in love with her. So, yes - I have thought about a...future with Lauren. And even though I'm not going to drop down on one knee tomorrow, I think with time I might. I'm just sick of dating around and with Lauren, I don't really think I'd find anyone that would hold a candle to her at this point."

Wes' cheeks flushed as he still refused to meet my eye line. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder, the contact causing him to look at me over his shoulder with a tentative smile. "It's okay, Wes. I'm just... surprised that you've already thought through all of this already. I know you're a big picture kind of guy, but I didn't realize that you wanted all of that right now."

He shrugged. "Why wouldn't I? I have almost everything I want in life and I just want one last thing before I truly have it all."

I quirked my brow, not fully understanding. "A wife?"

"No," he said with a gentle laugh. "Well, sort of. Love. Preferably with a wife. Someday. And it could be her, ya know?"

I chuckled, the thought of my high school friend marrying my college roommate and best friend from college would certainly not have been something 16-year-old me would have expected. But hey, things change and expectations shift, as we get older.

"Have you thought about it at all?" he asked as he looked over the earrings in the case.

"Thought about what?" I questioned as I stood next to him looking at the pendants in the next case.

"Getting married. Or being in a committed long-time partnership, or whatever."

I shrugged. "Of course I want that – I'd be lying if I said no. But I haven't really thought too hard about who it would be."

"What about Blaine? You must like him if you've been dating him for as long as you have. Do you think you could love him?"

I rolled my eyes. It wasn't that I was irritated with him for asking; I was just worried that Wes was going to go down this path of us having twin weddings or something. He had joked about it one night when we were drunk in college, but I had a feeling he was only partially kidding. Plus the fact that he and Blaine were friends and Wes still felt like he needed to be the guardian of my love life made me wonder if he was looking out for me or just plain curious. "I don't know."

He nodded slightly and walked next to me, looking at the necklaces that I was standing in front of. I started thinking about what Wes had said – that he was starting to realize that he had feelings for Lauren that might be love and might, one day, end up with them married. I figured some of Wes' desire had to do with his internal clock telling him he needed to be married by the time he was 30, but I knew some of it was just that Wes was ready and Lauren seemed to make him happy and that was enough for him to feel like she could be it.

Then I thought about my relationship with Blaine. I don't remember ever being so drawn to someone before. The fact that I remembered a random face from a random restaurant and it lingered for so long surely had to mean something. Coupled with the fact that he also pursued me and we ended up together in the way that we did... it was already turning into more for me.

He made me happier than William ever had, made me feel more self worth than any of the guys I'd dated casually over the past few years, and he made me feel cherished in a way I hadn't experienced from anyone – not even my dad or departed mom.

But was it love? Was it just infatuation? Was it pure lust? I admit the clothing-free scenarios that my mind had been dreaming up lately were definitely at the top of mind – especially in the mornings. But was that it? Was it because Blaine was the first man to really pursue me since William that it would be enough to eliminate all others?

Sure, James had been attracted to me and I to him. But it felt more like he was looking for a starter boyfriend and someone who would help him on his journey out of the closet rather than someone like me who was starting to consider the fact that one day soon I'd be ready to settle down.

I wasn't ready to even truly consider Blaine just yet. He and I were still incredibly new and – really – can you know that you love someone in the span of a month?

"What you thinking about?" Wes asked as he looked at me, the light from the glass cases below illuminating his face.

"How are you already sure about Lauren?" I questioned, the ask slipping out of my mouth before really thinking about what I just posed.

"I'm not really, truly sure, Kurt. But all I do know is that she makes me... feel. In a way I haven't before. And it doesn't really matter that we haven't been together long, I'm just going off what I feel now. And I think, well, know – that I love her. Sure, that might change, but if it doesn't – well – I'll be a really lucky guy I guess," he said nonchalantly, as if admitting that he might marry Lauren is just another thing that he let slip from his lips.

I took in what he said as he continued to peruse the jewelry. I still wasn't convinced that I loved Blaine. To be honest, I didn't really want to think about anything past what we currently had. Not because I didn't want that some day down the run with someone, but because I felt like it was too much pressure to put on a new relationship.

More than anything, I was questioning this whole love thing in the first place. In looking back, I realized that I was never really in love with William and I wasn't sure that I had ever really been in love. So how do you know when you love someone? Does some sort of revelation pop into your head, as if a light bulb goes off and you just know? Or is it a creeping sensation and before you know it, you're in love with someone and you ride off into the sunset together.

Sure, I had cared about people I was with, but I never really said I loved them. Not even my friends from high school not even Wes. The only people that had captivated my heart with love were my parents. Even loving Finn was debatable at times since he drove me so crazy, but those familial loves are so different than romantic love. I mean, they had to be, right?

And yet, here was Wes. Admitting that love was definitely in his grasp and he had no qualms about it. So why did being in love freak me out so much?

But at the same time, why couldn't I put a finger on what I felt about Blaine? Whatwasit? How could I ever decide if I was in love with... anyone, Blaine or otherwise?

"This looks really nice," Wes interjected as he, thankfully, pulled me from my qualms and doubts about me ever falling in love. He was pointing at a pearl drop pendant, the simple element hanging from a delicate silver chain. It really was nice, dainty yet beautiful and a good statement piece.

"It really is," I agreed as he waved for our sales girl to come over.

A smile adorned her face as she approached us. "Have you decided?" she questioned.

Wes answered in the affirmative, but in my head I knew my answer was a resoundingno.

LATER THAT NIGHT

What are you up to tomorrow night? –K

Nothing? I thought we were going to hang out? –B

Of course we are! I was just confirming. ;) –K

But would you care if we had a couple of crashers on our party? –K

No? –B

How would you like to have dinner with Wes and Lauren? Then maybe we can all do something afterward as well? Wes brought it up while we were out shopping, so I wanted to see if you were okay with that. –K

That would be great. Tell me when and where and I'll meet you guys there. –B

Sounds good! I'll text you tomorrow. –K