CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

SUNDAY

BLAINE

The air seemed to have chilled slightly overnight as the cooler wind blew dried leaves on the path below my feet as I walked through the park Sunday afternoon. I'd spent much of the day Saturday cooped up in my hotel room (not that I minded since some of that was spent emailing Kurt), but I needed to experience some of the city before I headed home. Sure, we had parks and outdoor space in New York, but something about being in Atlanta felt different and oddly freer. While I traipsed around the park, I couldn't hear the sounds of car horns or street vendors eager to make a sale like I would in New York. Things here were quieter, though I could still hear the murmurs of people chatting as they ran through the park or the faintest sound of dogs barking from the dog park nearby.

The walk through the park had given me time to truly reflect on things - away from the city, my friends, my family and even my phone. I decided to leave my phone in the hotel today in order to focus on my brunch with Jeremy and give myself time to take a break from the technology that I'd become reliant on.

Not having my phone was slightly problematic when I realized Jeremy didn't have a way to contact me should he be late, but it ended up not being an issue since this place was a fairly established stop on the Atlanta culture train and Jeremy was prompt. Though I wish someone had warned me about the post-church crowd since the place was packed with women in their finest dresses and largest hats waiting with their husbands in equally dapper suits and me feeling like a scrub in dark wash jeans and a oxford with a cardigan.

Jeremy ended up being dressed similarly - instantly putting me at ease since I wanted to blend in to unfamiliar environments as much as possible - and our brunch had gone exceedingly well. We didn't use the time to talk about work stuff too much, but instead focused on bands that inspired us and shared horror stories of what happened behind the booth from our various recording sessions. We ended up chatting and laughing long after we had finished our food and upon realizing that he was needed elsewhere, we set up a plan for me to meet him at his studio for a few hours the next day before my flight back to New York to talk more about plans for the Atticus Finch album.

I decided that I had eaten far too much fried chicken and needed a walk which led to me to my walk around Piedmont Park. The walk wasn't far - probably the same as three avenues - and the slight chill to the air made the walk seem more bearable than it would be in the summer months.

Once I crossed the street to enter the park's gates, the sight I'd seen was stunning - leaves on the trees were slightly orange and yellowed from the season with the city's collection of skyscrapers peppering the background; creating the perfect scene for the beauty of the city's modern dwellings with the simplicity and natural state of the park. I grumbled when I groped for my phone in my pocket only to remember that I'd left my phone in the room, but resigned myself to take a photo next time I visited when I wasn't imposing a technology break on myself.

Admittedly, leaving my phone in my room also meant I was taking this break to force myself to think about whatever could be brewing with Kurt. It was the first thing to pop into my mind when I left my phone in the room - noting that I wouldn't be able to get emails from him - but the second I realized it, I knew that I probably should for my emotional health.

My whole life I had been prone to wear my heart (and emotions) on my sleeve. My face betrayed my brain since it so easily could show my feelings without me having to articulate them. Often I found it annoying - especially when getting horrific Christmas presents or trying to hide surprise when playing poker - but it truly was a problem when it came to relationships.

The thing I was always so concerned about in relationships was that I always ended up hurt in the end. I suppose that's what happens to anyone after a particularly bad break-up, but for me I was always the one who left heartbroken where the other guy left scot-free. I'm a passionate guy and sometimes my passion can be a little... intense. It has worked in the past few years for me to throw my passion and dedication into my work and hide behind my career, but it was a lonely path; one that I was hoping to shift and allow someone to join in my life, but to be honest I was terrified.

When starting to date someone new, I tend to get overly excited from the start and would happily lay down my own happiness in order to make someone else feel good. This led to two possible results - one, that I would be walked over like a doormat, and two, that my willingness to appease and excitement would come off as clingy. It resulted in many strong friendships - Santana being one of the beneficiaries of my nature - but rarely had it worked out in the love department.

I was thankful that Santana wasn't around for my last boyfriend - Jared. Jared was a guy who I met at an open night mic my senior year of college and I was instantly drawn to him. He was a law student at Columbia and barely a year older than me, but he had something about him that was alluring and mysterious that I couldn't keep myself away. He was taller than me, not that it was hard to be in the first place, with piercing hazel eyes and chocolate brown hair with a deep tan and dimples that only showed when his smile was genuine.

We had exchanged numbers the first night we met and I couldn't wait long enough for us to talk again. I called him the next day to arrange for a proper date and he gladly accepted. I skipped class that day to try to plan the perfect date - dinner at a four-star restaurant, a ride in a pedicab near Central Park concluding with a visit to one of my favorite jazz clubs in the Upper West Side. Jared was impressed by my efforts and quickly agreed to date number two when I dropped him off at home that evening. We ended up going on 8 dates in 11 days and I was on cloud nine.

About a month into our relationship, it dawned on me that Jared hadn't ever taken the initiative to plan any of our dates and I never ended up meeting any of his friends. I was the one who asked him out every night, the one who paid for the dinners and shows, and I was never the recipient of the showering of praises and affections that I had doted on him. I figured it was my duty as a gentleman to be chivalrous in a relationship but sometimes I would try to ask him about how he felt about me or what he was thinking. The minute I did, he would change the topic to something about music or class or would press his lips against mine and I'd get lost in his mouth. I wasn't complaining at the time since I assumed he just wasn't as open as I was emotionally - we were in our early 20s after all - so I gave him some time.

Our issues bubbled to a head on Valentine's Day. He and I had been together two months and though I thought it unnecessary to celebrate monthly anniversaries, ours happened to fall on February 14th so I wanted to make the night extra special. I bought roses, kicked my roommate out of our apartment and ordered take out from his favorite restaurant. I also bought him an engraved business card holder from Tiffanys since he would likely need it when he was a hotshot lawyer. When he came to the apartment - 45 minutes after the time we had agreed on - he immediately started assaulting my lips with his own. I was taken back in the moment but soon brought myself back to reality when I presented him with his flowers and Valentine's gift. He gasped at the sight of the Tiffany-blue box and immediately forgot about anything else. I was happy that he enjoyed his gift, but the fact that he hadn't noticed the other things I'd done hurt a little.

Later, over the intimate dinner I had scrounged up, I had admitted that I thought I was falling in love with him. He looked at me sheepishly as I glanced at him expectantly, hoping for his own declaration of love, but his response was to take a crumpled envelope from his pocket and present it to me. I smiled, touched with the hope that this would be the sweeping, romantic gesture I was hoping for, and opened it - finding a generic card signed "Best, Jared" with no personal note. It didn't even have my name on it.

I wanted to think that he had just forgotten or that he just wasn't into Valentine's Day, but from that day on I was skeptical of his intentions. I stopped planning dates and asked that he come up with something for us to do, but when I placed the planning on him, he replied that he was too busy with school to think of something and that I should just do it. One night after I begrudgingly planned for us to go to dinner at some hole in the wall in Chinatown, I sat at the table when the check was presented without removing my wallet from my pocket to see if the inkling I'd been feeling since Valentine's Day was true. And, unfortunately, I had received my confirmation; after we sat and chatted idly for 15 minutes, he asked "Aren't you going to handle that?" he said as he nodded toward the check still perched at the edge of the table.

At that moment, my emotions came crashing down and the rage spilled onto my face as I stormed out of the restaurant leaving Jared to manage with the bill. I was so blinded by him and my first real relationship that I failed to notice how he was walking all over me and how I'd let him do it. I romanced him and cared for him and in return, I received nothing but a warm body to stand next to and a smattering of kisses that had no depth. I had denied all of the red flags with the hope that I was just seeing things but now it couldn't be denied.

Jared kept trying to call and text me that night but I never answered. I was seething and to speak with him would only cause my emotions to rage even more. But I realized it was truly over when he didn't call me after that night. Jared didn't want to fight for me and I was done having feelings for someone who seemed to only care about how he could be taken care of by a man who he, apparently, didn't have feelings for.

I was crushed and wanted to just call someone - anyone - and talk to them about it. Instead, I found myself alone in my shared apartment beating the crap out of the pillows on my bed. Instead of beating the down feathers to oblivion, I left the apartment and started to run. And I ran for two and a half hours.

I pushed through the pain of the run, something I hadn't done since I ran track at Dalton, but it didn't matter. The pain shooting through my legs had been better than the one aching in my heart. The best benefit of the run, aside from realizing that I still had the stamina to run a half marathon, was the clarity that the endorphins had created.

I realized that I had let the last two-ish months with Jared dictate my entire life. I had let the things I had aspired to slip through the cracks; my grades were slipping, I hadn't talked to my friends in ages, I hadn't visited my parents or spoken with Cooper nearly the entire duration of our relationship. I realized that I had gone all in and came out of it broke and broken.

From that point on, I decided to abandon dating and go full-force into school and really figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. Thankfully I applied for my internship with Rialto not too long after our breakup and the rest - as they say - is history. But ever since Jared, I hadn't dated anyone for fear of having my heart crushed by a man who only took advantage of me.

But now that Kurt was in the picture, I was intentionally trying to be guarded and not become overwhelmed with the potential of a new boyfriend, but as they say "old habits die hard" and I still found myself yearning to talk to him as much as possible and learn everything about him. It was terrifying; what if Kurt was like Jared? What if he only saw me as someone who would take care of him? What if I was the perpetual "sugar daddy?"

The romantic within myself wanted to hope for the best, but part of me was still riddled with doubt. I knew that no two people were the same and the likelihood that Kurt would be like Jared might be slight, but my neurosis still managed to peek through my rose colored glasses.

I was shaken from my thoughts when the breeze soon became too much for me to handle in my cardigan and I headed back toward the hotel. The long walk back provided no relief to the doubt clouding my mind and I must have looked either deep in thought or intense since the doorman at the hotel asked if I was alright.

I nodded with a slight smile as I entered the hotel and headed toward the elevator and toward my room. I looked at my reflection in the mirrored door of the elevator and realized I really did look super intense and almost angry.

Why am I even analyzing this thing with Kurt so much right now?I thought to myself. It's not like Kurt and I were getting married or anything - it was literallyonedate that we hadn't even scheduled. Why am I already thinking of how this will ruin me rather than how much fun it could be?

I laughed to myself as I emerged from the elevator - slightly more at ease and internally telling myself to take a chill pill. Once in the room, I threw myself onto the bed and laid on my stomach while I flipped open my laptop that was perched on the side table. Once the screen illuminated, I logged into my email. I pushed aside my memories of Jared and my qualms about being too forward with Kurt as a message from Kurt popped up.

Kurt: Hey!

Blaine: Howdy!

Kurt: Really? Howdy? I know you're in the South, but you're not in Texas you know.

Blaine: I can't help it. It at least adds a little more flair than the traditional "hey"

Kurt: I suppose. How did your meeting go this morning?

Blaine: It went great, thanks for asking. Did I tell you where we were going to eat?

Kurt: I think you said Mary Macs, right?

Blaine: Yeppers!

Kurt: You really need to work on those weird phrases you keep saying. ;)

Blaine: Ha. Well, yes. It was really good.

Kurt: I only went once, but it was pretty delicious.

Blaine: It was so good. Too good, actually, since I ended up taking a walk around the park to try and work off some of the fried chicken.

Kurt: I know how that feels. Glad you enjoyed it.

Blaine: Of course. When does a guy not like fried chicken? But enough about me, how are you? What are you up to this morning?

Kurt: Spent a good portion of the morning at the gym then went to work for the matinee. I haven't been to the gym much since I moved back permanently so I figured I needed to have someone kick my ass into shape.

Blaine: Geez, now I feel like a slacker. Do you enjoy torturing yourself on a Sunday?

Kurt: I figure the gym is like my version of church, I guess.

Blaine: I get that. I run to do the same thing, though rarely on a Sunday. That's when you're supposed to sleep like normal people.

Kurt: I'm not normal, so I guess it's okay then. :)

Blaine: No, you're not normal. But that's what I like best about you. ;)

Kurt: Sorry to cut this short, I just wanted to see how your meeting went. But I actually am meeting up with a friend... Lauren, actually... so I have to run. Have a safe flight back tomorrow and we'll chat again soon.

Blaine: Okay. Have a great evening. And yes, we will talk soon. :)

KURT

I smiled as I closed my laptop. Even though Blaine and I hadn't been exchanging messages for more than a few days, it already felt different. In a way, I think I was glad that he and I at least met in person before we exchanged emails because I knew he wouldn't be sketchy or something. But he made me feel at ease in a way I wasn't expecting. Even if this whole thing didn't turn into a romantic relationship, I knew he and I could be friends. Besides, I always could use another friend to join me when I try for lottery at some of the more popular (and expensive) Broadway shows.

I placed my laptop on my nightstand and walked into the kitchen to see Wes hunched over a bowl of cereal at the table. "My, what a gourmet feast!" I joked as I grabbed my keys from the key hook next to the fridge. Wes replied with an eye roll and another spoonful of Cheerios into his mouth. "I'll be back later," I replied as I grabbed my keys off the key ring by the fridge.

"Mewh bot a gates?" he said, milk spilling out the side of his mouth.

"Don't be a barbarian, Wes," I retorted. He swallowed and continued.

"I said, you got a date?"

I grinned mischievously.God, he's nosy. "Bye Wes," I replied.

"Wait! So you do?!" he exclaimed as my hand brushed the front doorknob.

"I'll never tell," I added as I twisted the knob and headed down the hall and out the door. I descended the six flights of stairs, the one disadvantage to living in a building without an elevator, and was greeted by the blistery cold October day. I hiked my scarf up tighter on my neck and buttoned the top button of my peacoat and made my way down 23rd Street toward the east side. Living on West 23rd put Wes and I at the heart of Chelsea and convenient to the 1. Thankfully, Lauren and I had agreed to eat at Dos Caminos near Madison Square Park which meant that it was only a few avenues east and a couple blocks north from our apartment at 23rd and 7th and wouldn't require a subway ride.

As I crossed over 5th and cut through the park, I realized that I probably should have at least taken the bus since my hands were freezing and a slight drizzle was dusting the shoulders of my jacket. If this gross weather kept up, I was definitely going to cab it back to the apartment. Thank god taxis finally started taking credit cards; those times when they only took cash were incredibly inconvenient.

I rounded the corner and was thankful for the warmth emulating from the inside of the restaurant. I was about to put in my name for a table when I spotted Lauren in the corner checking out the menu. My boots squeaked a bit on the slicked concrete floor as I walked back to greet her.

"I'm not late, am I?" I asked as I unbuttoned my coat and unfurled my scarf before placing both items on the back of my chair.

"Not at all," Lauren said as she peered over the top of the menu with a smile. She clapped the menu closed and dropped it on the table before clasping her hands together and placing them daintily on the table. "So, how was your day post-show?"

"Eh, nothing really. Just ended up watching reruns of Flipping Out and tidying up a bit. My roommate is kind of a mess sometimes so I tend to take on more cleaning than he does," I replied as I looked over the menu.

"Sounds like an exciting Sunday," she droned sarcastically just before the waitress came and took our order. Once our orders were placed and waters placed in front of us, we slipped into a comfortable silence before Lauren piped up. "So, have you talked to Blaine lately?"

I nearly choked on my water as I looked at her, an eyebrow quirked in curiosity as I guiltily avoided eye contact.

"I...uh..." I stammered.

"Kurt," she said softly, my eyes still not meeting hers. "Kurt, come on." With her insistence I looked at her as a soft smile graced her face. "So?"

I sighed. "We talked a lot last night and chatted a bit before I came here."

She grinned. "I'm glad to hear it. You know you can tell me these things, right?"

I nodded. "It's just... the way that I told you about Blaine... Lauren, you were so excited about Blaine and how he wanted your number. I hated telling you that afternoon, but thought that you should know about him. It wasn't really my business to share, but... I... I don't know how to explain, really."

She giggled lightly. "It's okay, Kurt. It wouldn't be the first time I fell for a gay guy. But I know you had it rough in high school and, based on the small details you've told me about your dating life since then, you needed a good thing to happen in the romance department."

"But you do too!" I exclaimed. "You're so confident and you've done so much with your life over these past few years. I hated knowing that this was... I don't know... something that you weren't expecting. You deserve so much more," I said as I lightly touched her hand that lay on the table. She turned her palm up and squeezed my hand when our palms met on top of the table.

"It's okay," she stated. "I think I was more excited about the attention rather than Blaine. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, but he's not tall enough for me," she said, wrinkling her nose at the thought of Blaine's height.

I laughed. "Sorry that he's not like 6'4" and a complete babe."

"I never said he wasn't a complete babe," she added with a wink.

I rolled my eyes and laughed. I didn't think dinner would be awkward, but she and I hadn't talked much about how the whole Blaine situation transpired, but little did I know the whole situation would practically be as if it never happened.

"Just know I'm happy for you, okay?" she said before sipping through her straw. I nodded. "You've dealt with more than a lot of people have. High school blew, people were so shitty to you, you were dealt a bad hand when it came to your mom and dad," the recollection made me wince as she continued. "But now, things are looking up. You're working in your dream job, you have a guy interested in you who is a gem from what I can tell, and your family life is good. Kurt... now could be your time."

I beamed. "Thanks, Zizes." I gave pause when the waitress dropped off our food at our table before dismissing herself once she realized we were set for the time. "You sure know how to give a lady a pep talk," I said before taking a bite of my fajita.

Lauren chuckled between bites of her rice. "Please, you're no lady. And I bet that's one of the things that Blaine loves best about you."

Now it was my turn to laugh. Lauren excused herself to the restroom leaving me to giggle away at the table all alone. But I was jilted from my laughter when I saw a notification pop up on my phone.

A new email?

From: Blaine Anderson
Subject: 25554160-B

I blinked at the email on my phone. What the hell is this?