March 12, 2016, 6 p.m.
A name without a face: Chapter 10: when all hope is gone
T - Words: 2,224 - Last Updated: Mar 12, 2016 Story: Closed - Chapters: 19/? - Created: Apr 23, 2015 - Updated: Apr 23, 2015 235 0 0 0 0
Hi guys, Im sorry for the wait. For you who wondered, Im still here and not abandoning you guys. I would never do that!
I was on a much needed vacation last week and I honnestly didnt really feel like uploading before I left on my vacation. I was having a rough week after I lost my pet and I tried to write a bit to get my mind somewhere else but it didnt really help. I had half this chapter written and it just didnt feel right somehow so today I started over again from scratch with new energy and this came out all of this.
Im thinking about the next chapter already and maybe adding a memory once more because it has been a while? Ill also let you see a little more of Blaine and his doubts.
Ill try to update sooner but I dont think that will be a problem. Next week Im starting studying again for the exams I didnt pass the first time and sometimes it can be a stress reliever to wite some more so I see more chapters comming soon.
Thank you for everyone who stays through this all. You probably think everytime I post a chapter "what is it this time?" and I cant honnestly blame anyone. It just happens to be a tough time for me with lots of things happening.
Hope you understand. Lots of love xoxo and thank you for reading! It means the world to me! See you next chapter!
Kurt was driving around, not really knowing where he was and not really caring.
He just needed his mind to stop thinking about it over and over again.
His phone went off in his pocket. It wasn't the first time but somehow he didn't want to know who was calling.
His eyes fell on the clock on his dashboard and he swallowed when he saw the time.
He should have been home for an hour now. His dad was probably worried out of his mind.
Kurt let out a sigh as he parked his car at the side of the way. He recognized it and knew he wasn't that far from home.
He took his phone out of his pocket and started calling his dad, who had left him already 2 voice mail messages.
“Kurt,” his dad said as he sounded so relieved. “You ok kiddo?”
Kurt nodded against his phone. “Yeah, I'm ok. I'm sorry I worried you.”
His dad let out a sigh on the other side. “It's fine kiddo. How about you come home and we can talk about whatever reason you have.”
Kurt smiled softly, his dad was the best. “Yeah, thank you dad. See you in a few.”
“See you in a few kiddo,” Burt said as the line went dead.
Kurt walked into the house. The lights were still on and the television was playing silently as he walked into the living room.
His dad was sitting on the couch. He was looking at the television but Kurt doubted that he was really watching.
Burt looked up as he heard Kurt walk further into the room. He stood up, walked towards him and wrapped him into a tight hug. “I'm so happy you are ok. I was worried.”
A sigh left Kurt's lips. “I'm fine dad. I just needed a moment.”
Burt pointed towards the couch and took a seat. “Tell me about it.”
Kurt closed his eyes for a moment as he took a seat next to his dad, trying to get his thoughts together.
“I made a mistake,” he whispered.
Burt frowned. “How do you mean?”
“I went to Blaine earlier. He didn't appear on school and I hadn't heard from him since Saturday and I felt worried. He was a little mad that I came to his place but we talked things out and everything was ok again.”
Burt placed his hand on Kurt's knee. “I don't get it kiddo. You talked things out, so everything is ok again, right?”
Kurt shook his head. “I kind of messed up.”
He looked at the ceiling, not really knowing how he should tell his dad. It just kind of blurted out from the moment he was looking at the ceiling. “I kissed him.”
It was quiet in the Hummel house for a long time. Kurt didn't dare to look at his dad, not knowing if he was disappointed or if he had made everything awkward.
“Kurt, I still don't get it,” Burt said.
“He just looked at me and dad, he doesn't want me ok,” Kurt whispered.
“But how do you know? You can't tell that by a look Kurt. Did you talk with him?”
Kurt shook his head. “I ran.”
Burt let out a sigh. “Kurt, kiddo, let me tell you something. When I was young and met your mother, I was terrified she didn't feel the same like I did. We hung around, we talked, we laughed but how do you know? It's one of the most terrifying things when you realize you like someone but you don't know how to approach that person. But sometimes you have to step over your fears of rejections and you have to take a chance because it's how the best love stories are written. If you never take a chance, you'll always wonder if it could have been something.”
Kurt looked up at his dad and saw the small smile on his face.
“If I hadn't taken a chance on your mother, you wouldn't be here right now. And yes, I got my heartbreak when I lost her and I won't tell you that you'll never get your heart broken but she also gave me one of the most precious presents Kurt.”
Kurt nodded and wiped a tear away. “I should have talked to him.”
Burt nodded. “You should but it's never too late you know. Just get some rest and tomorrow is another day. You can talk to him then.”
Kurt leaned forward and hugged his dad. “Thank you dad. It means a lot to me that I can talk about these things with you.”
Burt smiled against his son's shoulder. “It's fine kiddo. Just don't worry me again like that.”
Kurt nodded and pressed a kiss on his dad's bald head as he made his way towards his room, hopeful to get some rest.
Kurt awoke the next morning a lot happier than he had gone to sleep.
He also felt nervous but he didn't know if it was the good kind or the bad kind.
A long shower was needed before he picked out an amazing outfit and took a nice breakfast with his father.
When he was about to leave, his dad gave him a last word of courage.
Kurt arrived at school just on time. He was glad when he noticed that there were no jocks waiting for him.
Carefully he took his first steps into the school. He never trusted it in any way. You never knew where they were hiding.
He took his books out of his locker and made his way towards his first class, hoping that not seeing the jocks was a good sign for today.
Class after class passed and still there was no sign of Blaine. It left Kurt with a disappointed feeling and wonder if Blaine really didn't like him like he liked Blaine. It was so obvious after all that he was avoiding him.
The last bell sounded through the hallways. Everyone jumped up and ran out of the classroom, ready to leave the building.
He made his way towards his car while he let out a sigh of relief when he realized he had gone through the day without any slushies, dumpster tosses or locker shoves.
:He pulled out of the parking spot and made his way home.
If he was 100 % honest, he would have admitted that there was nothing more he wanted to do then to go to Blaine's house. But he also knew the way Blaine had reacted the other day and honestly, he didn't want to see that disappointed again in those eyes.
He didn't realize much of the drive and parked his car in front of the house automatically.
He took his keys out of his pocket and opened the door.
“I'm home dad,” he shouted towards the living room as he hung his jacket on the coat rack and started pulling off his shoes.
“In the kitchen kiddo,” shouted Burt.
In the kitchen, his dad was sitting on his usual chair, looking over some papers of work.
He looked up when Kurt entered the kitchen. His eyebrow shot up as he looked curiously at Kurt, “so how did it go?”
Kurt shrugged and made his way towards the fridge to take a bottle of water. “He wasn't at school today.”
Burt stood up and walked towards him. Before Kurt knew what was going on, he was wrapped into one of those hugs he loved so much.
“It's ok kiddo. Maybe he just needs some time. He'll approach you when he is ready,” Burt said as he let go of Kurt. “Everything will be ok.”
Kurt nodded, hoping that everything his dad just had said would be true.
A week passed, and there was still no sign of Blaine.
Kurt was worried and sometimes it itched to go to his place, just to check if he was ok. Those moments he remembered how angry Blaine had been when Kurt arrived at Blaine's place.
It was difficult and it hurt even a little but it got easier with time. He started to prepare himself to get over Blaine Anderson.
For all he knew, he was gone again just like all those years ago.
It hurt to think like that, but Kurt wanted to be honest with himself. After all, he was only just getting to know Blaine.
Kurt was sitting in the living room. His dad was sitting on the couch next to him as they watched one of the few movies they both actually liked.
Sometimes they would chuckle together, other times they would snort together.
It were small moments like these that Kurt always loved about their Friday night dinners.
The moment was interrupted when the sound of a motorcycle filled the room.
Kurt felt himself go still as he looked towards the window. It had happened a few times the last week.
Sometimes at school in the parking lot, once in the parking lot of the lima bean and two times when he was sitting in his car. Yet it was never who he wanted it to be.
But then there was a knock on the door. Kurt couldn't move and sat still on the couch.
Probably someone who had problems with his motorcycle and wanted his dad to look at it for a few minutes.
There was no way he was getting his hopes up again.
Burt made his way towards the door, seeing the hope in his son's eyes as he looked towards the window.
He opened the door and felt a small smile form on his face when he saw the person they least expected tonight at their door.
“Com in buddy,” Burt said as he opened the door a little more.
Blaine nodded as he stepped into the small hallway. “Is he home,” was all he asked.
Burt frowned but nodded. “Yeah he is in the living room. You got him worried.”
Blaine let his hand rub over his neck. “It wasn't my intention.”
Burt nodded once more and pointed towards the door. “You can do in. I'm going to take a seat in the kitchen if any of you need me.”
Burt just saw Blaine nod before he left the hallway, hoping that it would be alright.
Kurt was still looking out of the window. His dad had been gone for what felt like forever. It was probably false hope once more.
He jumped when he heard a cough from the doorway.
His eyes immediately met Blaine's. His first instinct was to look him all over.
Nothing seemed changed. It was still leather wearing Blaine with the old sneaker shoes and the curly hair he liked so much.
Without really thinking, Kurt jumped out of his seat and ran towards Blaine to wrap him into a hug.
He noticed how Blaine stiffened into the hug but slowly hugged him back.
“You are ok,” whispered Kurt in Blaine's shoulder as he felt the worry slowly leave his body.
“I'm ok Kurt,” said Blaine as he slowly removed himself from the hug. “Can we talk,” he asked.
Kurt nodded and walked towards the couch to take a seat.
Blaine hesitantly took a seat next to him. “I'm sorry for this week,” he said as he started rubbing over his neck once more. “I just needed some time,” he said sincerely as he looked in Kurt eyes.
“You kind of pulled me off guard the last time we met,” he said quietly. “And honestly I didn't really know what to do and then you ran so I thought you may have regretted it. I'm the fucked up kid, of course no one wants that. I live in a caravan, work in a small shop at a low wage, can barely survive,…”
Kurt frowned, this wasn't at all what he had expected. And then he started giggling, all his emotions over the place. “You really thought that was why I ran?”
Blaine frowned, not sure if he should be offended or not.
“I ran because I thought you didn't want me. You are one of those badasses like Puck likes to call it. You always need to save me…”
Blaine looked at him confused. “I guess we just miscommunicated?”
Kurt just nodded quietly. “So does that mean I actually do have a chance,” he whispered as he looked up at him through his eyelashes.
Blaine just shrugged with a small smirk on his face before he leaned forward and kissed Kurt softly.
Blaine's hand cupped Kurt his cheek as he slowly deepened the kiss, not remembering when the last time was that he cared so much about someone.
Burt watched from the kitchen doorway. No he wasn't one of those parents that checked his child always but in this case, he thought it was needed.
He shook his head as he watched the two of them kiss on the couch as he closed the door a little more behind him.
He would give them five minutes, maybe ten. He was the parent after all and besides, it was his couch they were sitting on.
Five minutes he decided as he took a seat at the kitchen table. Yes five minutes would be more then enough.