"Hey this is Kurt, I guess I'm busy or whatever since this is my voicemail so leave a message and I'll get back to you!"
It was the third time that day that Blaine had called and been answered by the recording of Kurt's voice. He had barely spoken two words to his boyfriend over the past few days and each click as the call turned over to his voicemail was like a fist grabbing his heart and squeezing it. He felt like he hadn't had a meaningful conversation with the boy in months. He'd known that things would change when Kurt went to New York, that long distance relationships were hard, but it was like Kurt didn't even care anymore. A tear slipped down his cheek. It had been a hard day for him, the bullying seemed even worse now that he didn't have the taller teen there with him for encouragement and strength. He needed support, he needed Kurt's support, and alone he was floundering.
A chocked sob forced its way past his barriers as he slowly sank down the wall he had been leaning against. Behind his closed lids he could still see Kurt's shining blue-green eyes gazing back at him lovingly, he could imagine the soft little nothings whispered gently into his ear and the lean arms wrapped comfortingly around his waist.
"Kurt-" he murmured brokenly, his voice meeting only empty air.
That was the first day he got a message from Eli.
It started off so innocent. Eli would message him and he'd send a quick reply. They'd talk about Disney or theater or music and it was like, for those small moments when he was talking to the strange boy he had never met, he could pretend it was Kurt he was talking to and his chest wouldn't ache quite so much. Eli was charming, he was friendly, and most importantly he was an outsider that Blaine didn't know, someone he could tell all of his fears and regrets and problems to without worrying about anyone else finding out. He had never intended the boy to be anything more than that. He probably should have known better.
For weeks they messaged back and forth, and eventually it progressed from the innocence of Disney to joking flirtations. Blaine felt kind of guilty, but Kurt hardly ever had time for him anymore and it felt good to feel special. Eli made him feel witty, wanted, and attractive. Kurt just made him feel abandoned.
When he had received his expected call from Kurt that day, he'd been so happy and excited to finally have a moment to talk to his boyfriend. He loved Kurt, sometimes more than life itself, and hearing his voice these days was like finding an oasis after days of wandering through the desert. When Kurt had had to go so quickly it was, to be overtly clich�, "the straw that broke the camel's back."
By the time he reached Eli's house on that awful winter's night it was too late. Eli met him in the driveway, his face cast in shadow and his smile understanding, and all Blaine could think was that he needed to feel something again, anything more than the emptiness that lay so heavily in his chest after his last phone call from Kurt. Eli seemed to catch his mood and didn't say anything as he reached out to wipe away Blaine's silent tears before taking him by the hand and leading him into the house. As if he was on auto pilot, Blaine followed the taller boy into his bedroom and didn't even notice where he was until he heard the unmistakable click of the door closing and felt unfamiliar hands on his shoulders. He stiffened slightly, but as feather-light kisses were brushed across the junction of his shoulders and his neck he felt himself relax. He could almost imagine that it was Kurt behind him, that it was Kurt's delicate hands on his shoulders and Kurt's smooth lips on his skin. With a sigh he sank back into the touch and the boy behind him guided his chin until their lips met.
It had been so long since he'd felt this way, so long since he'd been held and comforted and cherished. Blaine leant into the kiss and parted his lips in invitation that the shadow shrouded figure quickly took advantage of, turning Blaine to face him more fully and beginning to guide him towards the bed. The back of Blaine's knees collided with the mattress and he leant back, allowing the boy to follow him down, breaking the kiss to press insistent, open-mouthed kisses down Blaine's jaw and throat. It felt so good. Eli was so small and thin, yet tall. Just like Kurt. His hands were smooth and his skin almost matching in the dim lit room. It was like Kurt was there again, holding him, loving him...
"Kurt-" Blaine moaned, arching into the touch. Eli froze.
"Oh shit, I-" but in the place of those blue-green eyes he'd been imagining were rich brown ones, the nose was too large, the face too round. This was not his Kurt, and not all the imagination in the world would ever make him so.
"Are you sure about this?" the strange boy asked. Blaine's eyes welled up with tears as he shook his head.
"No, I can't do this," he chocked. "I need to leave." And without another word to the boy he was leaving behind, Blaine bolted through the door and out into the night. A heavy drizzle had started while they were inside and it was steadily progressing into rain as he threw open the door to his car and backed out.
Tears were falling down Blaine's face and clouding his vision while he fought down violent sobs and tried to focus on the road. 'What have I done?" kept playing through his head over and over and wouldn't leave him alone. The rain was getting so bad that, between his tears and the water hitting his windshield, Blaine could barely make out the lines on the road when his phone began to blast "Teenage Dream" through the cab of his car. His heart froze in his chest, but he reached out and answered it anyway.
"Kurt?" He asked, trying to make his voice sound normal and apparently failing.
"Blaine? What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
That last sentence was like a wrecking ball to whatever hold Blaine had on his emotions as his tears and sobs increased tenfold and it was all he could do to stay between the lines on the road.
"I-I'm sorry K-kurt. I-I'm so s-sorry. I was just so alone," he chocked between sobs, "a-and I just w-wanted to feel again, a-and y-you were hurting me s-so much a-and I just wa-wanted to hu-hurt you too," he cried, gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. "But I c-couldn't do it, Kurt. I c-couldn't go through with it but I tried and I'm so s-sorry."
For a minute that seemed like an eternity the line was silent as Blaine waited with baited breath and silent tears for Kurt to just say something.
"Blaine? I-I don't understand. Wha-what did you do?" Kurt asked, but from how soft his voice was and the fear Blaine heard behind those words, he knew Kurt understood him, Kurt just didn't want to believe it. Blaine wished he could say it wasn't what the other boy was so obviously fearing, but that would be lying.
"I ch-cheated on y-you, Kurt. I went to another g-guy's h-house and I kissed him and he w-wanted me and I w-wanted to forget and to f-feel again but I c-couldn't do it Kurt. I c-couldn't do it. I l-left but what m-matters is I went in the f-first p-place and I'm so sorry," he sobbed, stressing the last part of his sentence as the tears intensified again and he had to let go of the wheel with one hand to wipe his face clean.
"Oh god, no. Please Blaine, no," Kurt pleaded from the opposite end of the line, his voice so broken that it ripped at Blaine's heart. Blaine clenched his eyes shut as if to ward off what was coming next.
"I'm s-so s-sorry," he cried, opening his eyes again. But it was too late, he had already drifted too far to the left and the headlights from the car in front of him were blinding. There was a sickening crunch of metal as the two cars collided and the phone was thrown from his hands.
"BLAINE?" Kurt screamed frantically from the other end. "BLAINE? No! BLAINE!" Kurt cried, the sound of metal colliding replaying itself in his mind over and over again, but Blaine didn't answer and as Kurt fell to his knees in the middle of his and Rachel's apartment, he feared the worst.